The Price Is Right, For Now

Well, it didn't take Shank long to change his tune, did it?

CLEVELAND — Game 1 of the 116th Red Sox season played out just about as perfectly as Dave Dombrowski could have planned. Travis Shaw and Brock Holt stroked four hits, Mookie Betts hit a homer and made a spectacular catch, the three-headed bullpen monster pitched a scoreless 7-8-9, David Ortiz launched his farewell tour with a long homer to right . . .

And, oh yes, David Price took over the role of staff ace with six innings of sometimes dazzling hurling as he fanned 10 and survived a couple of jams in a bone-chilling, 6-2 Opening Day victory over the Cleveland Indians.

“It was a tough day to pitch for anybody, but he gave us six strong innings,’’ said Dombrowski, who spent $217 million of John Henry’s money to bag the best starting pitcher on the market last winter. “I’m sure he’ll win many games for us.’’

Inane comparison to Pedro Martinez, the obligatory Bob Feller appearance, standard run of the mill game recap, and then the question arises - Did Shank really change his tune?

Looks like John Farrell’s job is safe for at least one more day.

That would be no, then!

So nice of Shank to bring this up with just about every column so far this year, especially after a win he was rooting heavily against. We're going to see this crap all year; positive columns with a few trademark Shank digs when the Sox win, Armageddon when they lose.

Obituary Delayed

Looks like Shank's going to have to wait a day to eulogize the 2016 Boston Red Sox, due to the recent onset of spring Global Warming...

Trying To Sell More Fictional Books, Shank?

Look at what Shank retweeted ten minutes ago:

#Celtics still Mabel's #1 team, but she's learning about the #RedSox thanks to @Dan_Shaughnessy. Happy Opening Day! pic.twitter.com/eqZV9QTsLT

— Abby Chin (@tvabby) April 4, 2016

Dan Shaughnessy - a legend in his own mind...

He Came to Bury Them - II

The first pitch of the Boston Red Sox's season has yet to be thrown, and already Shank is in mid-season form, throwing as much dirt on their graves as possible:

CLEVELAND — As they prepare to launch their 116th big league season at Progressive Field Monday, the Boston Red Sox are immersed in a sense of urgency.

Win now. Win today. Be careful not to get off to a bad start or we’ll render you mathematically eliminated from relevancy before Mother’s Day.

And by 'we', Shank means him.

This feeling is all around the Red Sox, and it is the antithesis of baseball’s century-old mantra that the major league season is a marathon rather than a sprint.

Not this year. Not for the 2016 Olde Towne Team. An early-season slump simply will not fly with fans, bloodthirsty media (is there any other kind in Boston? - ed.), and, most important, new baseball boss Dave Dombrowski.

And thus the tone is set - if the Red Sox lose today, the season is lost. That notion would seem overly pessimistic as well as stupid, but this is Shank, recently tied for biggest Boston sports media asshole, so it's not really a surprise.

Don't bother with the rest of the column - you've seen the same points made over and over and over for the past year. That's what recycling's all about!

No Pitch

Who's the better pitcher: David Price or Jon Lester?

You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone in baseball who says Lester. Even the Red Sox team, asked who they think the toughest pitcher in baseball is, is more or less divided between Price and Clayton Kershaw. Not a single player answered Lester.

But, per The CHB, the Red Sox should still have Lester, even though if they did, they most certainly would not have Price), and this failing is still worth whining about now two years later. And there's a really weird left turn midway through the piece about the lack of homegrown pitchers.

Here's one of the killer quotes: "The Sox didn’t value pitching over hitting for most of the 20th century. They haven’t had enough pitching for most of their 115 seasons."

 Easy to say, but that assumes that the sole reason the Sox didn't win a World Series between 1918 and 2004 is a lack of pitching. I would argue it's because the Yankees were just too damn good. Keep in mind that only 19 franchises won titles during that 84-year span, and of those, three of them (Angels, Diamondbacks and Royals) won only once, and all in 7 games. Meanwhile, the Yankees were popping champagne 26 times.

So by The CHB's logic, if the Red Sox lacked the pitching to win it all, so did pretty much all the rest of the major leagues.

That's hardly a systemic failing.

Unlike his writing.

Asking The Important Questions

Gee, this is a tough one...

Who's the bigger Boston sports media a-hole?

— Dennis and Callahan (@DandCShow) April 1, 2016

Four Innings, Extrapolated

Joe Kelly's start on Thursday against the Mets was a good one - 7.0 IP, five hits, one run / earned run, one walk, six strikeouts, 1.35 ERA. Shank didn't say a word about it.

Joe Kelly's start earlier today was a whole different matter:

It's the 4th inning and Joe Kelly just gave up his 3rd loud homer. Kelly-Porcello throwing meatballs in Grapefruit League. Trouble for Sox?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 29, 2016

Reader feedback was just as consistent:

@Dan_Shaughnessy if he threw 3 no hit innings U wouldn't discuss it.

— Pat O'Donoghue (@LIPS1986) March 29, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy doesn't sound like its competitive. You probably shouldn't watch. Haha. #oversensitive

— Tyler Smith (@foxboro_ty) March 29, 2016

The $72 Million Dollar Man

Shank's here to tell us that Red Sox outfielder Rusney Castillo does not project into Boston's 2015 starting lineup very often.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Rusney Castillo is a bust.

Not exactly breaking news, I know, but Red Sox manager John Farrell on Tuesday officially revealed that the Sox plan to start Brock Holt in left field against righties, which will be most of the games.

Did you know that the Red Sox paid a lot of money to acquire Castillo? You didn't? Good - because Shank's here with a few helpful reminders:

Castillo, the $72 million Cuban Mystery Man, will share playing time with Chris Young as fourth/fifth outfielders for the 2016 Sox.
...
If Pablo Sandoval plays third, Hanley Ramirez plays first, and Rick Porcello gets the ball every fifth day, it’s because they are the best guys for the job. Not because they make bags of money.

In Castillo’s case, the Sox are putting their wasted money where their mouths are. They are biting the gold-plated bullet.
...
The 28-year-old Cuban has officially moved to the pine and will be carried as a $72 million bench-warmer.
...
In the summer of 2014, Ben Cherington and Boston’s baseball ops hadn’t seen Castillo play in real baseball games when they outbid every other big league team at Castillo’s Miami tryout.
...
This makes Castillo a $72 million platoon player.
...
The Sox have to be wildly disappointed in what they are getting for their $72 million investment.

Piling On

Once or twice a year, Shank will write (or tweet) something that makes him look like a jackass across the country, and he did just that with his tweet on Saturday, criticizing the UConn women's basketball team for the crime of being too good. In addition to the Deadspin post mentioned below, Jay Bilas and Holly Rowe went after Shank on the Dan Patrick Show this morning, the Hartford Courant took the obligatory Connecticut shot at him as well, and we have a local follow-up from CBS Boston.

Now here's the interesting part - Shank went on Toucher and Rich this morning to explain / defend the tweet and respond to UConn coach Gene Auriemma's comments. He wrote his column a few hours later. If you're brave enough to listen to the Toucher & Rich segment, you will note that nearly every thing he talked about wound up in his column. From that you can conclude that either he used that interview to write the column or his column was already written and he pretty much read from it to do the Toucher & Rich segment.

Now that's how you recycle, folks!

Foot In Mouth Again?

Not content with a mere tweet about the UConn women's basketball team kicking ass and taking names, the Grandmaster Troll of the Boston Globe bangs out a column about it, where he further expands on his 'thoughts'.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — It’s not because they win championships every year. We love dynasties.

It’s not because they are female athletes. We love women’s sports.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Contradict yourself much?

It’s because they have no competition. It’s the margins of these victories. The defending champion University of Connecticut women’s basketball team is virtually never tested. They seem to win all their games by 40 points. This is not UConn’s fault, but it’s also not good for the promotion of women’s basketball as part of our national sports landscape.

Competition is why we watch sports. Who is going to win? Without that drama, sports would be no different from the theater, ballet, or symphony. The UConn women are so good they have stripped their sport of all drama and competition and made it similar to performance art.

This is good for the game?

Stolen from the comments section - "The average winning margin by UCLA during their streak was 23.5 and it was 30.3 in the 1970-71 season. The Oklahoma football team won 47 straight games from 1953-7 with an average margin of victory of 28. Obviously both of those streaks were bad for their sport."

That was it. I went to dinner and didn’t think much of it.

Whoa. Husky Nation was not happy. My Twitter feed and e-mail box were peppered with angry UConn fans.

Fortunately, I’m used to this.

Dan Shaughnessy - pissing off his readers since 1981!

Then, UConn's coach drops the hammer:

At least that’s what I thought before UConn coach Geno Auriemma returned fire Sunday.

“When Tiger [Woods] was winning every major, nobody said he was bad for golf,’’ said the coach. “Actually he did a lot for golf. He made everybody have to be a better golfer.

“We don’t appreciate people for how good they are and what a good job they do, we always have to compare it to something. It’s only in women’s basketball. It’s the only sport where that happens.’’

Then came the zinger: “There are a lot better writers than Dan Shaughnessy, but that doesn’t mean he’s bad for the game.’’

Good one, Geno. And so very true.
...
Sports don’t grow in popularity unless people watch them on TV, and I don’t know a lot of sports fans who enjoy 98-38 in a tournament game.

The Huskies have no competition. Sorry, but how can this be a good thing for women’s basketball?

I think a comparison can be made to professional cycling and soccer. Did cycling grow in popularity during the Greg LeMond / Lace Armstrong dominance in the Tour de France? I think it was marginal at best. Is soccer, the world's favorite sport, growing in popularity in the United States? I think a lot of people watch the World Cup, and that's about it.

It's pretty clear to me that Shank wrote this just to piss people off, even if he made some valid points. That's the mark of the Grandmaster Troll.

UPDATE AT 8:18 PM: This column, in conjunction with the obligatory Deadspin pile-on post, is definitely bringing a little more attention to women's basketball, isn't? Mission accomplished, Danny Boy!

UPDATE II, AT 8:25 PM: Stolen from the Deadspin post's comments section, Shank's case falls apart some more with the comparison to the UCLA teams under John Wooden:

"The numbers are nearly identical.

UCLA Undefeated Seasons: 4

UCONN Undefeated Seasons: 5

UCLA Longest winning streak: 88 Games

UCONN Longest Winning Streak: 90 Games

UCLA Titles Under Wooden: 10

UCONN Titles Under Auriemma: 10"

UPDATE III, AT 8:40 PM: OK, this Deadspin comment was just too good not to repeat here:

"On the one hand, this is yet another terrible take by Shaughnessy. On the other, he is producing remarkably regular bowel movements for a man his age."

Someone Forgot To Call Their Bookie

Looks like Shank missed his chance to make an easy $100 or so:

UConn Women beat Miss St. 98-38 in NCAA tourney. Hate to punish them for being great, but they are killing women's game. Watch? No thanks

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 26, 2016

Shank's Twitter followers were their usual supportive and understanding selves:

@Dan_Shaughnessy you punish us by not retiring

— Richard (@richardnh33) March 26, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy Did John Wooden kill his game?

— RMoore1999 (@RMoore1999) March 26, 2016

@TonySchnell @Dan_Shaughnessy if you had a daughter on the team, you would feel differently. Give these women the credit they deserve.

— Patty Murphy (@pmurph98) March 26, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy Yeah, it's about as fair as it was for those Russell teams with 8HOF players on the same team.

— Allan Ayers (@RareAyers) March 26, 2016

Spring Paining

Seeing is believing, and because of that The CHB thinks how you perform in spring training predicts how you will perform once the bell is rung.

And he's worried, because the Red Sox pitchers aren't holding up their end of the performance bargain.

Well, let's look back to Spring Training 2013, the last time the Sox won the World Series. Here are the spring training and regular season ERAs for the seven pitchers with the most starts for the Sox that year:

Clay Buchholz: 0.79 ERA in 22.2 innings (1.74)
John Lackey; 5.40 ERA in 11.2 innings (3.52 regular season)
Jon Lester: 0.75 ERA in 24 innings (3.75)
Felix Doubrant: 3.00 ERA in 18 innings (4.52)
Ryan Dempster 3.74 in 21.2 innings (4.57)
Alan Webster: 1.64 ERA in 11 innings (8.60)

Not very predictable, was it?

And here are the numbers from 2015, when Boston finished last:

Buchholz: 2.84 in 19 innings (3.26)
Eduardo Rodriguez: 1.17 in 7.2 innings (3.85)
Wade Miley: 3.71 in 17 innings (4.46)
Henry Owens: 8.74 in 11.1 innings (4.57)
Joe Kelly: 11.05 in 7.1 innings (4.82)
Rick Porcello: 2.57 in 14 innings (4.95)
Justin Masterson: 3.52 in 23 innings (5.61)

Even less so last year,

But sure, let's keep insisting that you know more about baseball than the guys who actually run the game.

Panda Watch

Dan Shaughnessy, October 24, 2014:

SAN FRANCISCO — The Red Sox can’t sign Pablo Sandoval fast enough.

Truly. John, Tom, and Larry need to bring the Kung Fu Panda to Fenway Park.

Shank, same day:

I promise never to rip Sandoval for being out of shape or going on the disabled list.

Shank, seventeen months later:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Sitting at a table in the Red Sox interview room Thursday morning, John Farrell was asked an innocent question about how he was going to divide playing time at third base — Pablo Sandoval vs. Travis Shaw — over the last week of spring training.

“Travis is starting today,’’ the manager answered. “Pablo is dealing with some low back stiffness on the ball he dove for the other day in Jupiter. He’s going to be down for a couple of days, just trying to get back. He’s going to be unavailable on a day-to-day status right now.’’

And so it begins . . .
...
Always portly, he somehow got heavier as the woeful season played out. There were no panda hats in the stands and not much damage by Sandoval at home plate. He hit only .245 with 10 homers and a measly 47 RBIs in 126 games. He made 15 errors. He got caught browsing photos on Instagram from a clubhouse bathroom in the middle of a game.

At the end of the dismal season, the Sox sent him home and told him to shape up. When Panda arrived this spring, he looked exactly the same as he looked the year before. A first-day photo of him fielding grounders was positively gut-wrenching. Still, Sandoval said he had nothing to prove and went about his work.

So much for that promise...

Picked Up Pablum - II / DHL Dan LIII

Finally, a correct call!

Metric tons of 'Get off my lawn!' themes ensues:

Picked-up pieces while thumbing through “The Wells Report In Context — Updated, Expanded, and Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture” . . .

■ I’m told that Pete Carroll wrote a letter to Roger Goodell asking if he can have a redo of the last 20 seconds of Super Bowl XLIX in Glendale, Ariz.

■ Opening Day is still two weeks away, and I’m sick of the David Ortiz Farewell Tour already. Sorry. Now Papi is telling us that the only folks who can comment on pimping homers are folks who have actually homered in the big leagues. Everyone else needs to “shut up.’’
...
Here’s part of a passionate missive from 283-game winner Jim Kaat, who also hit 16 homers during his four decades in the bigs: “I take exception to be told to shut up about being critical seeing batters flip their bat in celebration after a home run. David said they are either pitchers or fans who don’t know what it feels like to square up a 95 m.p.h. fastball.
...
■ We can all agree that White Sox 1B-DH Adam LaRoche is entitled to walk away from a $13 million contract if his feelings have been hurt by the team’s request to “dial it down” when it comes having his 14-year old son in the clubhouse every hour of every day, but as Mike Lupica noted, “This action . . . does not make him Rosa Parks.’’ Amen.

Shank's still not a fan of former Red Sox CF Jacoby Ellsbury:

■ Why we love the New York Daily News: Sunday’s back-page sub-headline: “Yanks relieved Jacoby is OK after fragile OF takes pitch off wrist.”

■ Goose Gossage would have made a fine sports columnist. Opinions galore.

That's only because Shank agrees with those opinions.

And in a rare aligning of the planets, Shank and Kirk Minihane agree on something:

■ Bob Kraft is ridiculous. Wants it both ways. Wants his draft picks, but also wants to keep his seat at the table with the other big-boy owners. You need to choose, Bob. Or keep quiet. You elected to roll over for the Commish and other owners last May. Don’t try to impress your fans now. Own it.

Can't have it both ways, Bob. Is he a shitty commish or no? https://t.co/yeZo8Fanpc

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) March 21, 2016

Picked Up Pablum

Where's the obligatory Picked Up Pieces column? There's no way Shank goes on Zolak and Bertrand tomorrow without a script.

Holy Cross - Fin

Holy Cross played their real NCAA tournament game early Friday evening against #1 seed Oregon. By real, I mean this - the 68 to 64 games played before Thursday's and tonight's meaningful games can be successfully argued as bullshit games, given their recent contrivance designed to get a few extra games on the tele and increase those all important revenue numbers that the Boston Globe wishes it had. And yes, they got smoked, badly. Point spreads between #1 and #16 seeds are usually in the 30 point range and they couldn't even cover that. Shank, as of this writing, didn't even bother to tweet anything like 'good going, HC' even if it wouldn't have been entirely convincing.

Hope Shank's keeping up on current events, because we are!

Holy Cross - II

The NCAA men's basketball tournament started this week. Since 2011, there have been 68 teams invited to the tournament. The bottom eight teams played on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Shank's alma mater was one of the winners:

We are Holy Cross yahoos. We are Bob Cousy, Tommy Heinsohn, Ronnie Perry, Clarence Thomas, Ted Wells, John Morris, Eddie Jenkins, Gordie Lockbaum, Dick Berardino, Chris Matthews, John Provost, Mark Shriver, Clark Booth, Bill Simmons, and Nick Lovullo.

Me, too.

We are proud progeny of the oldest Jesuit school in New England (1843) and there was a time when we were a national NCAA sports power. That day has passed. So it is a big deal when a Holy Cross team makes a mark on the national sports landscape.

Holy Cross will now get slaughtered by play #1 seed Oregon on Friday night. Expect another column extolling the virtues of an old Jesuit school, or something.

UPDATE AT 1:45 PM - Isn't it interesting that Shank's been deriding Boston sports fans for years for being 'yahoos', but now it's okay as long as you're on the Holy Cross bandwagon? Thanks for the ammo, Shank!

Shank's Latest Hatchet Job / Smear

A few hours ago, the New England Patriots traded Chandler Jones to the Arizona Cardinals for Jonathan Cooper and a second-round pick from Arizona. Fellow Shank Boston Globe colleague Ben Volin reasons that the trade was done in order to avoid losing Jones in free agency next year, avoided paying him a monster contract when he hit free agency and at least got something for him by trading him now. In other words, it's a typical logical trade by Bill Belichick and the Patriots (Richard Seymour, etc.). Other local news outlets and sports oriented web sites have reported on and / or weighed in on the trade.

So how does Shank react to the trade?

Chandler Jones traded. Pats Media Cartel mobilizes. Clever Pats knew all along something wrong with Jones. Another steal of a deal.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 15, 2016

A few facts first - to the best of my knowledge and based on the stories linked above, there is no known current physical problem with Chandler Jones. This will be confirmed once both players involved in this trade undergo their physicals, the passing of which by both players is required to make the trade official.

So, what do we make of Shank's statement "Pats knew all along something wrong with Jones."? 1) We know Shank has no Patriots insider feeding him such a juicy tidbit, so that avenue's closed. 2) It's possible that Shank is referring to Jones' injury history, but that's speculation. 3) It's also speculation to wonder if Shank is referring to this incident when making that statement. 4) Shank is otherwise in possession of information that isn't known to a number of other sports reporters (UPDATE - or is it? ed.), or 5) Shank's pulling something out of his ass. I don't believe there are any other scenarios to consider here, right?

While it's difficult to assign percentages or probabilities on the outcomes, I will first offer my own speculation - Shank made that part of his statement / tweet to do what he does best - paint the New England Patriots in the worst light possible by asserting the most nefarious of motives (i.e., trading a player where there is 'something wrong' with said player). If Chandler fails his physical, Shank comes off looking like a genius. This is why I consider this outcome as the least likely one.

More likely in my opinion is this scenario / outcome - both players pass their physicals and Shank does one of the following things - he points to 2) or 3) above as his reason for making that part of his statement, or ignores any demands for a clarification or retraction, thus pointing to 5) as the most likely basis for that part of his tweet. It seems to me that 4) is off the table, as I have doubts as to the veracity of Shank claiming he got this info from outside the Patriots organization and somehow Ben Volin (and / or other reporters) missed it. I am certain there will be no direct Shank apology / retraction to the Patriots organization if he is proven wrong on this assertion of his.

And that is how you smear a professional sports team, folks.

UPDATE AT 7:12 PM - Surely he's not referring to Shank's tweet...

Not sure I've ever read a negative word about Chandler Jones as a football player until about 90 minutes ago.

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) March 15, 2016

This will be interesting to see how it all sorts itself out, since the timelines between the tweets don't line up to point to Shank - Kirk seems to know something as well. Maybe it's injury related, or otherwise. Scenario 4), slightly modified, now in play...

Rehash Radio - V

Shank's been on for the past hour, talking about local sports (Boston College and the Catholic Memorial / Newton North incident), and we are 'promised' a discussion of Shank's latest column for the remainder of the hour. Original content, everybody!

On with @ZoandBertrand now until 1:00. We are talking about Catholic Memorial students banned from Garden for last night's tourney game

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 15, 2016

His Goose is Cooked

So Goose Gossage thinks analytics stink, and so does The CHB.

I ask you, then, what's an RBI? A ERA? An error?

Answer: They are analytics.

Perhaps he (and I'm referring to both dinosaurs here) doesn't realize that stats nerds recognize Reggie Jackson -- you know, the guy who won the World Series for the Yankees back when Goose was coming out of the bullpen? -- was unsung in his day for being 1. too obnoxious and 2. striking out too much while hitting for a low average. The stats guys are the ones who, even them, saw Reggie's true value.

Heck, if it weren't for the stats guys, Goose probably wouldn't be in the Hall of Fame. We're looking at a fellow who won all of 124 games in his career, never had more than 33 saves in a season, and is 23d all time in saves, behind such notables as Jose Mesa, Todd Jones and Francisco Cordero. Whoop-de-do.

All of this The CHB could have used as argument, were he not so lazy. Instead, he rehashes the Goose's rant against the Bill Jameses of baseball, and basically agrees with him, while adding that it doesn't really matter anyway.

This is where it gets great: The CHB writes, "We don’t need UZR or WAR to tell us that Dustin Pedroia is a winning ballplayer."

Except that Dustin Pedroia isn't a winning ballplayer, if finishing last three of four seasons means something. (Which to Shank, it does, except apparently in this column.)

And except that The CHB tried to start a call to dump Pedroia when he slumped in his rookie season. Who saved him? Bill James and the stats guys.

Also: Larry Bird watch!

No Shank Column Today?

If Shank doesn't bang out a column at some point today, what's he going to regurgitate when he goes on the radio with Zolak & Bertrand tomorrow?

But Enough About Shank

Well, not exactly! Shank bête noire Kirk Minihane's Twitter feed will now become standard daily reading. Among the many amusing tweets, we list those with a distinctly Shankian flavor.

On Shank's false start tweet from Monday:

Freshest take in 20 years. https://t.co/XvOgj5jiff

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) March 7, 2016

On Shank's lack of interest in opining on the John Farrell reporter boinking story:

@kirkmin Could u imagine if Belichickwere tagging a reporter 21 years his jr? Shaughnessy would be on his 45th column right now. #fraud

— Jeff Wakely(@jrwakely) March 9, 2016

No question. Total fraud on this one. https://t.co/6GJPJM9Dk6

— Kirk Minihane(@kirkmin) March 9, 2016

On Kirk dealing with other assholes at the Boston Globe:

Just spoke to Kevin Paul DuPont, who spent a summer trying to get me fired. Asked him to come on podcast -- couldn't decline fast enough.

— Kirk Minihane(@kirkmin) March 10, 2016

@kirkmin how else did the call go?

— WaterBoysPod (@waterboyspod) March 10, 2016

Civil with extreme mutual hatred. https://t.co/WWIP52z75n

— Kirk Minihane(@kirkmin) March 10, 2016

Don't hold back, brother!

Speaking of other Boston area sports media types who have some questionable tastes in music (retweeted by Kirk):

@kirkmin Remember that time @Gary_Tanguay said I Get Around by the Beach Boys was his favorite song of all time. Is he a serial killer?

— Christopher Bilodeau(@cbilodeau1) March 11, 2016

Holy Cross

Since Shank's alma mater is in the NCAA basketball tournament, we are spared the pain of a picked up pieces column and get a halfway decent and completely predictable column instead.

If you remember the golden days of Holy Cross sports, you also remember the Korean War, iceboxes, the Army-McCarthy hearings, and the Boston Braves. You have qualified for Medicare and you can withdraw from your 401K without penalty.

I'm sure my grandfather does...

Fake Shaughnessy Column

A reader sent this along yesterday, wondering why Shank's not writing about this story. He opines, rightly, had this been about a certain head football coach, you bet your ass there would have a Shank column by now (or two, or three!). This notion is shared by others:

Is there is a bigger fraud than Dan Shaughnessy in the entire media world? Had Bill Belichick been having a relationship with a reporter twenty years his junior, would Shaughnessy have completely ignored the topic in his columns as he has with John Farrell?

I'm pretty sure we have the answer to that question. Since there's now common ownership with the Red Sox and the Boston Globe, certain things will not be mentioned or written about by Boston Globe writers. This is one of them.

And now, without further adieu, the Fake Shaughnessy Column. Take a bow, Anonymous Reader Guy!

Love is.....
By: Dan Shaughnessy
Boston Globe
March 10, 2016

There's supposed to be no cheering in the press box, but as the great Stephen Stills once said, "Love the one your with."

Boston's manager who is already under fire for 2 straight last place finishes finds the ice cracking beneath his feet after revelations of a "relationship" between himself and Jessica Moran of CSNNE (Full disclosure, I'm able to scam both the Red Sox owners and CSNNE mgmt. out of pay checks).

This is the kind of behavior we've come to expect from Bob Kraft and the Lovely Rikki down in Foxborough.

When Farrell was hired he was supposed to be John Wayne, instead he thinks he's John Holmes.

Sox ownership has to be embarrassed about this. (If you've noticed I never asked what Sox owner Tom Werner knew about Dr. Cosby and when he knew it.).

The bloodthirsty shut ins are getting their pounds of flesh over on sports radio, I look down my nose at them even as I grab a check once a week.

Why does Moran have to resign and not Farrell? She's in the media, she can't be in the wrong.

But that's not how it works.

KissCam at Fenway has taken on a whole new meaning.

Who will replace Moran's ability to read off of a teleprompter and the hard work that goes into that? I wouldn't have resigned (Marge Schott took a run at me one night but that's another story for another time) If I was Jess I'd take Warren Zevon's advice and have dad send "Lawyers, guns and money".

Oh well, CSNNE is sending someone named Trenni down here to replace Jess.

If Red Sox Maestro Dr. Charles Steinber was still alive we'd be doing the dating game (Tom Selleck was on it, he used to own a Tigers hat) between innings on the infield with your host Bob Eubanks (Jim Lange passed a couple of years ago)

"Batchelor #1, If I were to sit on your lap, what would we talk about?"

Answer: "The 1st thing that pops up and I don't mean the infield fly rule."

Oh well, CSNNE is sending someone named Trenni down here to replace Jess.

Only time I've ever heard of her she was whining about getting the runs at the Socchi Olympics. (And Bob Costas thought he had problmes with his pink eye).

Opening day is coming up, now's the time for NESN to bring back Sox Appeal.

Dan Shaughnessy is a Globe Columnist

A Column About Nothing

Shank must be feeling those early spring blues. His most recent 'effort' aims to resolve one of the most perplexing and difficult questions facing all Boston sports fans:

Spring is saved. Our winter sports teams are good again. There will be playoffs and it might not be as bad and bloody as we once feared. The Celtics’ and Bruins’ seasons might last longer than John Farrell as Red Sox manager.

Think back a few months and remember the anxiety. The Bruins were “hoping” to make the playoffs. They fired their GM. The owner admitted the product was sagging. Fans were angry and many called for the firing of coach Claude Julien. Media piled on.

The Celtics? Not talented enough. A playoff bubble team, destined to be one-and-done in a four-game sweep like the one we witnessed last year vs. Mighty LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers. It was all about waiting for the lottery. Bring on Ben Simmons.
...
Celtics or Bruins?

That's going out on a limb, isn't it?

In true Shank Shaughnessy fashion, he will bury both of these teams once they're eliminated from the playoffs.

Sitting Out An Election

"Of all the gin joints towns in Massachusetts, Shank runs for office in mine..."

Rehash Radio - IV

The only reason Shank wrote about Peyton Manning yesterday is that he needed something to discuss this morning:

On now with @ZoandBertrand til 1:00. Zo wants to crush John Farrell. Should be interesting, as always . . .

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 8, 2016

Mail it in, phone it in, whatever...

To the End, He Won't 'Manning' Up

Consider: A high-priced, aging athlete ...

1. Consistently chokes in the biggest games of his career
2. Racks up major stats in garbage time
3. Is sued not once, but twice for sexual harassment -- and pays out both times
4. Receives banned performance-enhancing substances at his house in his wife's name

No, I'm not talking about Roger Clemens, aka "The Texas Con Man." Rather, it's Peyton Manning, whom one Dan Shaughnessy cannot quite understand why Boston fans are less than enamored with.


Consider: The CHB loves to ridicule players who fail at the least opportune time, and rarely misses a chance to remind fans of it, even years later.

Consider: The CHB mocks teams that do well when the pressure is "off."

Consider: The CHB disparages athletes accused of crimes against the fairer sex.

Consider: The CHB to this day insinuates that David Ortiz took PEDs, and refuses to bestow Hall of Fame votes for other players whom he thinks must have been users.

So why does The CHB not get why Boston doesn't think much of the hyper-inflated reputation that is Peyton Manning? And why, on the day of his retirement and in the midst of blowing one last wet kiss Manning's way, would The CHB take the opportunity to trash the Patriots and their fans?

Because when you have no facility for insight, and no ability for communicating, this is the best you can do.

False Start

Shank's tweet, presumably about Peyton Manning's retirement speech, did not go as planned:

Around here, it

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 7, 2016

Reader feedback was supportive and understanding:

@Dan_Shaughnessy first thing you've tweeted in a long time that I've agreed with

— ben (@botsy_) March 7, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy Crushing beers on a Monday, Danny?

— Tony P. (@2mmtony) March 7, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy danshaving a stroke

— briancraig(@brianc150) March 7, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy Most sense he ever made.

— King Kimo(@IslandKing63) March 7, 2016

DSW Milestone Reached

I forgot to note this a few days ago - the first post on Thursday was # 2,000 for Dan Shaughnessy Watch and if this podcast is any indication, we'll have Shank to kick around for many, many more posts!

Bud Collins, RIP

Shank delivers a solid, well written eulogy for former Globe sportswriter Bud Collins. This is the kind of column Shank's capable of when he's not writing about professional athletes, where his default mode is scorched earth.

The One Where Shank Repeatedly Lies To Kirk Minihane

Reader Walter R. asked if I listened to the Kirk Minihane / Dan Shaughnessy podcast from last week, so I finally got around to it now. In this podcast, Shank claims not to hate Patriots owner Robert Kraft and Jerry Thornton, among many, many other lies and / or disingenuous statements, including a 'I'll tell you off the air' comment from Shank concerning personal decisions with Comcast Sports New England. Kudos to Minihane for bringing that particular matter up (Shank's involvement with getting Minihane shitcanned from his Comcast Sports New England gig).

Walter thinks Minihane could have gone after Shank stronger and challenge him on his many strawman / bullshit arguments. I would tend to agree, except for this notion - something else is afoot, and I think it's a damn good move on Kirk's part. I see this podcast is a) an olive branch of sorts or b) some other effort to co-opt and / or neutralize Shank with respect to Minihane, in a Corleone 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' manner.

Best part of the podcast is towards the end - the Kirk Minihane avatar of 'Goofy Shank' will remain!

Cheap prediction - this won't be the last Minihane / Shaughnessy podcast.

Incisive Legal Analysis, By Dan Shaughnessy

The Deflategate saga entered a new phase today as a three judge Federal panel in New York City heard arguments from both sides a few hours ago. Naturally, Shank weighs in as only he can:

Do Berman's fellow judges think he is a fanboy? Too early to say, but got to wonder after what went down in court today.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 3, 2016

His Reputation Precedes Him

Among other things, we've been documenting Shank's positive, constructive relations with professional athletes for over a decade, and have occasionally opined on our own local sports media from time to time to note their positive, constructive relations with professional athletes. So it should surprise no one when discussing the latter, the former gets a proforma mention:

If it’s Boston, it must mean a feud between a player and a member of the media. It’s gone on for years whether it was Ted Williams vs. the media, Carl Yastrzemski vs. the media, Bill Belichick vs. the media or Dan Shaughnessy vs. every player he’s covered. The latest edition of this feud has Boston Celtics point guard Isaiah Thomas vs. Comcast SportsNet New England host Gary Tanguay.

Isiah Thomas made this year's All-Star team, and Tanguay says he's not good enough to be a 'foundation player'? I realize you need at least three solid players to establish a championship level team, but saying this Isiah Thomas would not be one of them strikes this blogger as quite wrong, or stupid. That's the same level of stupid as Shank calling Hanley Ramirez and Pablo Sandoval "the most reviled local tandem" in local professional sports. In other words, QED.

Shank Lowers the Boo

False equivalencies run amok in today's throw-away column from The CHB.

He calls Hanley Ramirez and Pablo Sandoval the "most reviled local tandem" since former Celtics players Curtis Rowe and Sidney Wicks. Most reviled? No one really cares enough to "revile" them, Shank.

All of this seems to confuse the Nattering Nabob of Newton. "You don’t fly to Florida to boo Hanley Ramirez." Right. And there's not much reason to pay the Red Sox' overinflated ticket prices at Fenway to boo them either. But apparently The CHB flew to Florida (on someone else's credit card, of course) to count the boos and then write about them.

What The CHB doesn't seem to get is that the essence of "fan" is "devotee." We like baseball, and we like those athletes good enough to play it. It requires talent, something The CHB never had and, ahem, reviles in those who do. Which is why he resort such Trumpian-like machinations as calling various sports figures fat, prima donnas, lazy, disingenuous, con men, and other such niceties.

No, a fat, prima donna, lazy, disingenuous, con man is someone who writes the same column for 30 years and think he's genius.

Biting Thoughts on Farrell

The Red Sox have yet to play a single game this spring, but The CHB is already counting down the days to manager John Farrell's dismissal.

The "pressure is building on the 2016 Red Sox," writes the King of All Optimism. "There’s no getting around the fact that there will be inordinate pressure on manager John Farrell at the start of the season. This is what happens when you finish last two years in a row with a top-three payroll."

Actually, there is almost ZERO talk about the Red Sox right now. Two straight last place finishes (and three in four years) tends to lower expectations. Or perhaps The CHB hasn't put down his Bud Light long enough to notice? 

He then compares the current Red Sox outfield to one of the greatest of all-time, saying, "This is not Lynn, Rice, and Evans."

Well no kidding. Neither was the unit that won the 2013 World Series. Here's the OF on the Red Sox WS roster that year: Quintin Berry, Mike Carp, Jacoby Ellsbury, Jonny Gomes, Daniel Nava, Shane Victorino. Someone call Cooperstown, stat.

The Lynn, Rice, Evans trio of the 1970s and early 1980s won two MVPs (and finished in three top 5 in MVP voting nine other times), a Rookie of the Year, 12 Gold Gloves, four Silver Sluggers, and had 17 All Star appearances in Red Sox uniforms. Oh, and one is now in the Hall of Fame (and one more should be).

If that weren't enough, The CHB hypes his "Curse" book. You remember that one, right? He authored a book on why the Red Sox never win the World Series ... just a couple years before they won three in 10 seasons. Ouch!

With The CHB, All Betts are Off

One of the hallmarks of a Shaughnessy column is his tendency to build one person up by trashing another. To that end, today's piece, on Mookie Betts, does not disappoint.

In promoting Betts, The CHB trashes Adrian Gonzalez, just one day after trashing the GM who was "irrationally protective of the trove of draft picks" and traded future All-Star 1B Anthony Rizzo for AGone. Which do you want: develop great players in-house, or sign/trade for them? Because no franchise does both consistently well.

He takes a further dig at team analyst Bill James, whose work, of course, led to the Red Sox signing players like Mookie Betts.

And he gets a basic fact about Betts wrong, writing his "career path has been seamless," ignoring that Betts was slow to hit when he first arrived in the bigs and was sent down to AAA.

On a side note, it's impossible to know what counts with The CHB, since he whines about "results" when the process doesn't work out and whines about lack of "character" when it does (2004, 2007, 2013). In today's column he claims Dave Dombrowksi is the most "accountable" Red Sox GM since the late Lou Gorman, and yet it was Gorman who traded future MVP (and Hall of Famer) Jeff Bagwell (and World Series MVP Curt Schilling) and yet never acknowledged they were stupid trades. The Red Sox are supposed to compete every year, The CHB always asserts. But remember what happened on Dombrowksi's watch the year after his Marlins won the 1997 World Series? They lost twice as many games as they won.

At the end of the day, the proof that Red Sox owner John Henry doesn't interfere in the work of his employees even when he has to suffer complete foolishness from them is this: He also owns the Globe, and The CHB still has a job.

The New GM

Shank finds positive things to say about someone in the Red Sox organization:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Commenting on his new president of baseball operations, Red Sox owner John Henry said this about Dave Dombrowski: “Very hands-on. He has a different style than we’re used to.’’

Amen. Dombrowski is nothing like his predecessors, Ben Cherington and Theo Epstein.

...and not so positive things to say about the last two GM's:

Ben and Theo were data-driven young guys with skinny jeans and smartphones. They ran the Red Sox from inside the basement walls of ancient Fenway. There is no need for sunscreen; one cannot get burned from the light of a laptop.

We rarely saw Ben or Theo. We didn’t see them much around the batting cage, the clubhouse, or the press box. When they did emerge from the bunker, they’d sometimes react to an approaching reporter by whipping out their cellphone for an urgent call.

...and remains hostile to anyone who can run numbers:

But now it is Dombrowski who runs the Red Sox, and we are seeing a return to the old days. Henry this week acknowledged that the Sox had became overly reliant on analytics.

Returning to the age of scouting is a clear concession to Dombrowski, who first learned about major league baseball while working for Hemond, a Cooperstown-worthy baseball man who succeeded in the majors long before the invention of Bill James.

Dombrowski is about winning NOW. He is not irrationally protective of the trove of draft picks assembled by Theo and Ben. Dombrowski has retained Mike Hazen and the basement boys of Boston’s baseball ops, but by Henry’s own admission, the Sox are no longer slaves to WAR, UZR, or the inestimable tonnage of skull-imploding numbers and projections assembled by men and boys who never played the game.

"Now get off my lawn!"

The Joke's on Shank

John Henry just played an early April Fool's joke on the Boston media. Not surprisingly, The CHB fell for it like he was on a high dive overlooking a vat of Budweiser.

To recap, the Red Sox owner said the team has been overly reliant on statistical analysis and that it would attempt to restore some "balance."

To this, the Globe's Great White Whale writes: "While silos gently wept in Lawrence, Kan. — home of smarter-than-everybody stat guru Bill James — Henry acknowledged that his ball club had lost its way in a sea of analytics and needs to get back to some old-school thinking in regards to talent evaluation and performance expectations."

However ... what Shank fails to note is that Henry also said the team is not shrinking its analytics staff. Moreover, it was the stats guys who pointed out that Hanley, Kung Fu Panda, Carl Crawford and many of the other pickups of late were high risks and bad buys -- yet moves The CHB himself applauded. And that's why the Sox have a new GM -- the old ones kept spending big money on the wrong guys.

Yes, indeed, the joke's on The CHB. The question is, when will he realize it?

Freaking Home Run!

Shank writes an effusively positive column about David Ortiz (perhaps the only one you'll see all year) and inadvertently describes the relationship between media people and the players they cover:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — There was a temporary cease-fire at JetBlue Park Tuesday morning. A gentle rain fell over the Red Sox spring training complex, and everybody took a break from the goofy disclosures and see-no-evil management responses of the first few days of camp. (This was moments before chairman Tom Werner said everything was just swell with Pablo Sandoval and then completely contradicted himself when he went on WEEI.) It was the day before the first official workout for the full squad, and the only news was the opening farewell speech of David Ortiz.

Big Papi, who already is in the conversation as perhaps the second-greatest Red Sox player of all time (sorry, young people, Ted Williams will always be No. 1), carried the day as he engaged in a thoughtful and thoroughly noncontroversial 34-minute press conference with the hungry wolves who’ve been delivering provocative dispatches and photos from amp.

Dated Beatles reference? Check:

Ortiz is 40. He has pledged to retire at the end of this season. It will be a Yaz-like, Jeter-like tour de force. It might be something akin to the Beatles’ last show at Candlestick Park in 1966.

Dated baseball movie reference? Check:

Papi went all James Earl Jones on us Tuesday. He reminded us of everything that’s great about Boston baseball. And how everything could be great again.

Overwrought praise? Checkmate:

Bingo. That’s it right there. Red Sox owners should take the preceding paragraphs and stencil them onto the left field wall at Fenway Park. Speaking in his second language, in a tone none of us have been able to summon, Ortiz put words to the love affair between himself and Boston. It was Churchillian.

Well, there is that possibility that Shank heard a live Churchill speech in his formative years. Still a little over the top!

Cheap predictions - the next column will be about Clay Buchholz, and it won't be as positive as this one.

Flat and Crappy

The Red Sox are "fat and happy" [and] "for some reason it feels like somebody needs to yell at these guys."

That's Shank's take after not quite a week in camp. Remember that pitchers and catchers reported on Feb. 18 and the first full squad practice isn't until Feb. 24 and yet everyone is already here except Joe Kelly, whose wife just gave birth.

No matter. Let's instead return to what The CHB was pitching (get it?) just six months ago:

"They are a house of change and fear, and it’s making them play a little better. No one knows what’s going to happen. People have lost their jobs. People are afraid they are going to lose their jobs. The only certainty is uncertainty. And that is a good thing." ... [Dave] Dombrowski is a great hire and there should be more accountability on and off the field at Yawkey Way."

So in late August the roster was filled with players about their jobs and today he's deriding those same players for being "fat and happy"? Huh. What changed? If Shank knows, he ain't telling.

This Should Be Epic!

Guess who are going to do a podcast together?

Podcast is booked. Will be done this week. Any questions for Dan? https://t.co/DhrQ2K16kB

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) February 21, 2016

Reader reaction was positive and supportive:

@kirkmin Is he aware how much he is disliked? Why does he keep recycling columns?

— Cool Pope Francis (@CoolPontifex) February 21, 2016

@kirkmin Does he know that his columns make following sports less fun? Being a cynic is one thing but he makes liking sports SUCK.

— AichaelMntypas(@Mntypasto) February 21, 2016

@kirkmin @DandCShow why is Dan such a douche?

— Larry King (@LKingsThings) February 21, 2016

@kirkmin @DandCShow ask him when he's going to retire. Sick of his regurgitated, tedious act & trolling of our players

— NurseBeckett(@iNURSELISA) February 21, 2016

@kirkmin Wondering how much money Dan made on his creation of the Curse of the Bambino

— USKeeper(@USKeeper) February 21, 2016

@kirkmin @DandCShow thoughts on u using his pic as your avatar.

— Victorkiam(@victorkiam) February 21, 2016

The only question I'd like to ask him - why didn't you do a column on Earl Weaver when he passed away?

Train Wreck?

Shank's coming out of the spring training gate strong, with his fourth column in as many days.

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

I promise never to rip Sandoval for being out of shape or going on the disabled list.

You know that's bullshit, right?

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Pablo Sandoval arrived at Red Sox spring training camp Sunday morning, looking exactly the same as he looked when he arrived last spring. Plus-size.
...
I looked everywhere for him Saturday night. I check the deli counter at Publix and the popular Two Meatballs in the Kitchen restaurant off Daniels Highway. I even went to the Regal Cinemas Belltower 20 to see if he might be taking in the late show of “Kung Fu Panda 3” but . . . no luck. Meanwhile, Sandoval was taking a beating on social media.

At 7:30 a.m. Sunday, the Wait gave way to The Weight as Panda strolled into the clubhouse for the first time in 2016. Video crews from Comcast and NESN were there to record the moment.
...
We thought he’d look different. And the Red Sox should have prepared him better.

The optics on this are bad and some of the words are likely to stick.

We know Shank will do his part to make sure things stick, won't he?

The bigger point with this story - the Red Sox asked Pablo to lose weight and he didn't, giving Shank a great storyline. Indeed, he's in mid-season form already.

Culture Shock

Shank showed up in Ft. Myers, FL on Friday and runs into new Red Sox pitcher David Price:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — David Price was in a good mood Friday morning as he dressed in front of his locker for his first official workout with the Boston Red Sox. It was the first day on the job since he signed a seven-year, $217 million contract.

I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to make sure he didn’t believe all those nasty things his former Tampa Bay teammate Carl Crawford said about the Boston baseball experience. I wanted to tell him that Sox fans love him and that folks in the “carnivorous” Boston media are actually nice guys and gals.

“Don’t believe everything you hear,’’ I told him.

Especially anything coming out of Shank's mouth!

Note to David Price - this is why.

A few days ago, Shank was wondering whether, now as teammates. Price and David Ortiz would continue to hold a grudge about some name-calling between the two a few years ago. In this column, Shank does what Shank does - write about it again in order to keep it going:

David Ortiz is not in camp yet (position players are not required to report until Tuesday), so Price and Papi have not yet had a chance to kiss and make up after their public spat that played out over the last two years.

Price took exception when Ortiz pimped after a playoff homer at Fenway in 2013, and the episode was followed by two years of pointed remarks and one memorable purpose pitch when Price plunked Papi on the backside.

Price said Ortiz thinks he’s bigger than the game and Ortiz said he had no respect for Price and that the tall lefty was “a little girl.’’ They eventually resolved things over the phone, but have yet to connect as teammates.

“I’m done with that,’’ said Price. “I’m waiting for him to get here. I’m ready to get to know him.’’

If I were David Price, I'd recommend getting to know Shank as well, in the 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' kind of way.

Once Again, The CHB is Not Very Hanley

Hyperbole reigns today.

Writing on Hanley Ramirez, The CHB asserts: "In a single season he made himself New England sports public enemy No. 1. He vaulted past the ghosts of Grady Little, Carl Everett, Jose Canseco, and Carl Crawford and took a seat alongside despised Boston opponents like Matt Cook, Alex Rodriguez, and Roger Goodell."

Wrong. So much went south with the Sox in 2015, it would be irresponsible, let alone false, to claim fans held Hanley to blame more than anyone else. In fact The CHB himself spent far more time mocking John Henry than he did any of the players, saying his payroll management was turning the Sox into Kansas City-on-the-Charles, a move that backfired -- "Royally," shall we say? -- when KC won the World Series. In the wake of this, Ramirez was an afterthought.

But pretenders must pretend, right?

So now, per Shank, Hanley -- and keep in mind, he's a minority -- dogged it on the field (conveniently ignoring he hit 19 HRs and slugged nearly .500 for the first half of the season before badly injuring his shoulder), and the Red Sox played "respectable baseball" once Ramirez was shelved for good (conveniently ignoring that just a few months back The CHB was discounting it as a "lost summer of meaningless games").

Here are the questions The CHB intimates he asks Ramirez:

• "Why do you think folks believe you don’t care?" 
• "Why does everyone blame you?"

Straw man arguments, one and all. It's Day 3 of Spring Training and The CHB is already in mid-season form.

Familiar Subject For Shank

Shank's arrival at Red Sox spring training is imminent, so he starts out with a familiar theme, stirring the pot before he even gets into the kitchen:

When the Red Sox signed pitcher David Price to a seven-year, $217 million contract during the offseason, both he and his new teammate, David Ortiz, were quick to say the bad blood between them was a thing of the past.

But is it?

Dan Shaughnessy can’t help but wonder, especially now that Price is already at spring training and Ortiz is due to arrive soon.

“There will be a lot of polite dialogue,” says Shaughnessy. “Don’t necessarily believe it. This stuff lingers, they do hold grudges.”

Like with the Kraft family, for instance?

Video at the first link.

News Flash - Shank Doesn't Like Bill Simmons

With Bill Simmons about to open his new website, Shank gives his opinion on the matter:

Lots of breathless offers to get Bill Simmons new website. I'm good, thanks

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 17, 2016

Lots of comments ensued, of an overwhelmingly negative nature.

Rehash Radio - III

Any guesses on Shank's intended radio subject matter this morning? Anybody? Ferris?

On @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. Plenty of Sox talk. Plus Peyton Manning and NBA trade deadline.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 16, 2016

Living In The Past - Part Infinity

For the second time in less than a week, Shank wrote a column that was based in large part on his previous 'work' of his. This time around, he samples from many of his 2014 Red Sox columns instead:

Feb. 20 (me): “Edward Mujica is playing long toss and Hanley Ramirez is taking balls off the faux Green Monster in JetBlue Park and suddenly there is hope again. There is a reason to live. Things will get better.’’

Feb. 20 (John Farrell): “I like our rotation. Some people might view it as lacking, but I think this is going to be a very good pitching staff.’’

On and on it goes, until we get to the last paragraph, which contains this hot, hot take:

It will be fun to follow. But nobody really knows what is going to happen in the upcoming season.

Ever.

That's why he gets the big bucks, folks - to sample from his previous columns and give a solid non-opinion. At least we know what he'll be talking about tomorrow morning on 98.5 The Sports Hub...

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXXIII

...and Shank bashing as well!

@Dan_Shaughnessy @BostonGlobe too bad I cant read it since I cancelled for non delivery.

— Red Sox Weekly (@wctvhost) February 13, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy u have to be kidding me. You still hold grudges over players from the 1980's.

— Jon (@CPJonGoSox) February 13, 2016

Shank Memory

Now that Cam Newton crapped the bed in Super Bowl 50, then ducked out of the press conference after, Hanley Ramirez is suddenly become a good guy.

Confused? If so, you're not alone, since The CHB has apparently lost his last marble trying to connect the wayward Boston outfielder to the NFL MVP. (Think it's because they are both black? Nah!!!)

Regarding Ramirez, The CHB today says "The Red Sox have had bigger busts."

Have they? On a WAR basis, Hanley was worth -1.3 wins, which was about half-a-game worse than Pablo Sandoval. So for 2015 at least, he was.

Just looking at recent history, Edgar Renteria, he of the million or so E-6s in 2005, was actually 1.4 games above replacement, and was easily jettisoned in the off-season. Julio Lugo put up an aggregate half-win over the course of 266 games in 3 seasons, all for the cost of $36 million. Matt Young completely shit the bed in 1991 but eked out a positive WAR.

In 2011, Mike Cameron was -1.0 in just 38 games. He sustained a major head injury in 2005 and it's unclear whether the effects still lingered six years later. On a per game basis, he was actually worse than Hanley. For the price, however, it's hard to say any player has been worse, at least in Year 1.

This strikes me as more about Shank being contrarian than him really thinking -- let alone believing -- what he writes to be true. Nothing new there.

The CHB only writes a couple of more lines to prove my thesis: "Folks around here pile on LeBron James and Peyton Manning. Neither ever embarrassed himself in a big game like Newton."

Hahaha. Really? What about the AFC Championship in 2004, when Manning threw 4 INTs in a 24-14 loss to the Patriots? Heck, just a week ago he passed for all of 141 yards, no TDs, 1 pick and a rating of 56.6 in Super Bowl 50. That's the 46th worst performance among the 50 winning Super Bowl QBs. Pathetic.

Manning actually posted perhaps the all-time worst QB game score in history in a division matchup against the Chiefs this year: 20 attempts, 5 completions, 3 INTs. Studly.

Let's not even mention the two suits he has lost (to date) -- and sorry, but when the accused party pays out hundreds of thousands of dollars, that's a loss -- for harassing and possibly assaulting a female trainer at UT. Oops!

The CHB's Peyton love is starting to remind me of his similar feting of Barry Bonds. Let's keep in mind how that one turned out, shall we?

Finally, it's clear no one remembers how LeBron did against the Mavericks in his first NBA Finals. No one, except me, I suppose. After averaging 26.7 ppg in the regular season, which was second in the league, and leading the NBA in field goals, he dropped to 17.8 in the finals that year, good for third on the team. Moreover, he scored all of 8 (not a typo) points in the crucial Game 4, an 86-83 Mavs win to tie the series 2-2. The Mavs swept the final two games for the NBA crown.

Nice memories there, Shank. Maybe it's time to ask Cameron for his neurologist's phone number.

Shank's Next Column?

Safe to say Mookie Betts won't be in the Daytona 500 next week with driving skills like this.

Meet The New Recycling King!

No - that would not be Our Man Shank. Courtesy of Walter R., the Kansas City Star’s Lee Judge shows you how it's done.

Note to Shank - this is a cautionary tale, not a how-to guide...

UPDATE, 2/14/2016 AT 7:35 PM - Bruce Allen at Boston Sports Media Watch piles on:

What's the big deal? @Dan_Shaughnessy has done this dozens of times. https://t.co/RZGLT3Y5b3

— Bruce Allen (@bruceallen) February 14, 2016

Asking The Tough Questions

Shank's latest column features one of his staple of lazy column themes:

Is Paul Pierce one of the top five Celtics of all time?

Your all-time top five Celtics?

In my book, the first four are easy: Bill Russell, Larry Bird, Bob Cousy, and John Havlicek.

Then it gets tricky. Do you go with Kevin McHale or . . . Paul Pierce?

I have gone down this path before,

So Shank's recycling yet another column? Why, yes he is!

Is it time to put Paul Pierce in the starting five for the all-time Celtics team?

I’m starting to think so. And my man, Bob Cousy, sounds almost ready to elevate Pierce to the Hub’s Fab Five.

“I certainly think he’s a viable candidate now for that position,’’ the 83-year-old Cooz said Wednesday before leaving his house for a round of 18.

Many of you perhaps already have Paul in your Parquet Pantheon. Not me. I’m a holdout. But Pierce’s one-man demolition of the Hawks Tuesday night reminds me that I’m one of the many who have never appreciated Pierce’s true greatness. We all know that Pierce has never gotten his due from the national media - not even when he was MVP of the NBA Finals in a series (2008) that included Kobe Bryant.

Look up the Celtics’ career stat leaders, and it is clear Pierce belongs. He ranks third in games, third in minutes, second in points, and second in points per game.

Absolutely pathetic. Not only does Shank rewrite another of his columns, he went from maybe to maybe on that Paul Pierce question in that time span.

Formulaic, lazy and indecisive - that's Shank's latest 'effort'. His body might not be in winter hibernation but his brain sure is.

Off By 24 Hours

Shank delayed his weekly appearance on 98.5 The Sports Hub by a day, and he wasn't there to rehash his latest column for a change:

On with @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. We will be ripping Bruins, Cam Netwon, and looking forward to C's tonight.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 10, 2016

Shank ripping professional athletes? I'm shocked!

Addition By Subtraction?

Shank is a no-show on 98.5 The sports Hub during his normal Tuesday 11 - 1 slot with Scott Zolak & Marc Bertrand. I can't help but wonder if this is CBS Sports Boston management finally realizing how little Shank adds to the show. If that's the case, good riddance.

Second Guessing, Ad Infinitum

Looks like that earlier call of Shank not being able to criticize the Patriots anymore was a bit premature:

What we are watching confirms that the Patriots blew a golden opportunity to win the Super Bowl.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 8, 2016

Super Bowl Shank

Just kidding - Shank's column is about... Shank:

Nineteen eighty-six. Thirty years ago. The first Boston Sports Renaissance.

Those were heady days here in the Globe sports department. And in the Shaughnessy household.

I got to cover, and travel with, two of the most exciting teams in the history of our town. Every day. The 1985-86 world champion Boston Celtics, a.k.a. the greatest NBA team of all time; and the 1986 Red Sox, the team that came closer than any team in baseball history to winning a World Series without actually winning the World Series.

I’m the dope who quit the Celtics beat and opted to follow the Red Sox instead. And I owe it all to Hall of Famers Peter Gammons and Bob Ryan, the two greatest baseball and basketball writers, respectively, who ever lived.

I can't wait to hear this column again Tuesday morning on 98.5 The Sports Hub - riveting radio!

Shank At Springsteen?

Eagle-eyed reader Walter R. sends along this link about last night's Bruce Springsteen concert. The story centers on Governors Charlie Baker and Chris Christie being in attendance, but Walter points out a (possible) certain Boston Globe sports columnist, sitting behind the guy in the blue shirt in the upper right corner.

Two columns a week, a radio appearance, grueling one mile runs, going to concerts - how does he maintain this frantic pace?

UPDATE AT 2:30 PM:

Looks like Shank was indeed there:

@kirkmin We just parked next to your BFF Shaughnessy outside the Garden. Hope he's sitting right next to you! ;) Bruuuuuuuuuce!!!

— melaniezombik(@mzombik) February 4, 2016

Just ruined my night. https://t.co/0h7np7rEj3

— Kirk Minihane(@kirkmin) February 4, 2016

Spotlight

I'm checking out Deadspin this afternoon and read the weekly football column by Drew Magary. Drew's not exactly a fan of things Boston, and that includes Our Man Shank:

Sunday Afternoon Movie Of The Week For Browns Fans

Spotlight, which is a good movie EXCEPT for a scene at the beginning where Michael Keaton sees that Liev Schreiber is reading Shank’s Curse of the Bambino because Schreiber is new to Boston and is trying to UNDERSTAND THE CULCHAH OF SAWXLAND NATION. And then Keaton is like, “Hey, that’s a great fackin’ book!” Bullshit. All lies. How can I trust the rest of the movie when it starts out like that? Also, by law, any movie set in Boston must include the words THIS TOWN spoken by at least nine different characters. THIS TOWN… it’s nawt like othah fackin’ towns!

Shank's Curse of the Bambino - still winning rave reviews after all these years!

Change Of Pace Offered

Maybe Shank just became aware that he can't shit on the Patriots for three more weeks until spring training starts for the Red Sox, so now we get one of the local high school basketball stories, set in a time long ago, designed to not make Shank look like an asshole.

High school basketball tournaments start later this month. Championships will be won and lost. Memories to last a lifetime — good and bad memories — will be made.

This is about a championship lost. And a bad moment for a good kid.

Let’s go back to the 1970s, and Larry Bird and his high school teammate, Beezer Carnes. Beezer’s missed free throws knocked Spring Valley out of the prestigious Indiana high school basketball tournament 42 years ago. In a conversation with Dan Patrick last year, Bird said, “The dream was to be good enough to play against the big schools. Unfortunately, I played with a kid who kept missing free throws and we didn’t get there.’’

When Patrick followed by asking, “You’re not over it, are you?,’’ Bird snapped, “Never. It was a big loss. I was at a party about two years ago and this lady in her 70s looked at my friend and said, ‘What are you doing here? After missing those free throws back in ’74, you shouldn’t even show your face.’ ’’

Which brings us to Steve Hazard, my former Groton High School teammate who made a mistake in a big game 43 years ago and was never the same after it happened.

What Shank basketball column isn't complete without a Larry Bird sighting?

Luck Of The Irish?

Here's a new one, folks!

How is Hillary like the Patriots? She won six of six coin tosses at Iowa caucuses last night.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 2, 2016

Rehash Radio - II

That was a difficult prediction...

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. We still haven't gotten over the fact that we are not in SF for Super Bowl. We never let stuff go.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 2, 2016

What's Old Is New Again - II

Why is Shank constantly looking backward?

One year ago today Pete Carroll made the dumbest decision in sports history and the Patriots won the Super Bowl.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 1, 2016