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Sunday, April 23, 2017

Dignity Restored

That's how Shank described Friday night's win by the Boston Celtics:
CHICAGO — This was so much better. The Celtics did not quit. They weathered the inevitable storm. Marcus Smart didn’t give any fans the finger. The Celts did not play like the worst No. 1 seed in NBA history. They were not frauds.

The Celtics restored their dignity and got back into their first-round series with a gut-check, 104-87 Game 3 victory over the Chicago Bulls on Friday night. That should stop the noise. For a while, anyway.
By which Shank means he will not rip them until their next loss.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Dump Delayed - II

Continuing with that positive, upbeat vibe that is Shank:

Too bad there's really no way to check that sort of thing!

Dump Delayed - I

You knew these were coming sooner or later (1 of 2):

Reader response is as expected:

Odd Column

I was expecting Shank to take a world class dump on the Celtics after losing Game 2 of their first round playoff series. Instead, Shank snipes at the Patriots and President Trump.
WASHINGTON — Of all the weird days in Boston sports over the decades, this might have been the weirdest.

Wednesday afternoon, the Super Bowl champion New England Patriots went to the White House to visit a polarizing president who practically made the team one of his platform planks in the final days of the most stunning election of our time.

Patriots owner Bob Kraft and coach Bill Belichick have made no secret of their respect for and allegiance to President Trump, but several New England players boycotted the White House trip for political or personal reasons. Just a few hours before the team met with Trump in the Oval Office, Tom Brady sent word that he would not make it because of “personal family matters’’ (his ill mother reportedly was visiting him in Boston).

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Old Time Hockey

It's funny how Shank only seems to write Bruins playoff columns after a loss, isn't it?
It was shaping up as a perfect Marathon Monday.

Postcard weather. A seamless 26-mile Boston Strong race with the usual thousands of feel-good/inspirational stories. A third straight win for the Red Sox at Fenway. And finally . . . the Bruins brought the NHL playoffs back to the Garden and recovered from a 3-0 second-period deficit against the Ottawa Senators.

But they could not finish. The Bruins battled back to a 3-3 tie, and gave us some great hockey, only to lose in the sixth minute of overtime on a power-play goal by Bobby Ryan after a cheesy
roughing penalty
on Bruins forward Riley Nash. Garden fans peppered the ice with water bottles to show their disgust with the zebras. Ottawa leads the series, two games to one.

It had been more than 1,000 days since the last Stanley Cup tournament game at the Garden and this is not the way we visualized the Bruins’ return to the playoffs.
I can count the number of this year's Bruins columns by Shank on one hand, and he wants us to buy that load of crap?


Friday, April 14, 2017

Recycled Column Watch

Shank tells his readers what a freaking awesome city Boston is at this time of the year:
No . . . Days . . . Off.

Repeat that nine times. Just like Bill Belichick at the Patriots Super Bowl rally.

No . . . Days . . . Off. That’s the theme around here for Boston sports fans. We have a glut of goodies in front of us in these next two or three weeks.

Just take a look at this upcoming Sunday/Monday. In a 28-hour period starting Sunday night, you can watch the Celtics vs. the Bulls in the playoffs (6:30 p.m. Sunday at the Garden), the Red Sox and the Rays at Fenway (11:05 a.m. Monday), the finish of the 121st Boston Marathon (around 1:10 Monday afternoon on Boylston Street), and the Bruins in Game 3 against Ottawa at the Garden (7 p.m. Monday).
If you think you're read this column before, it's because you did!
Picked-up pieces while waiting for Larry Lucchino to return a phone call . . .

Is your head spinning? The Sox are off and running. The Celtics and Bruins are readying for the playoffs. Tiger is getting ready to wear the red shirt at the Masters. Two Connecticut schools battled for the NCAA hockey championship in Pittsburgh Saturday night. The Red Sox play the major league’s only morning-start game on Monday and our city is peppered with folks from around the world who are here to watch and run in the 117th Boston Marathon.

Celtics vs. Knicks in the first round of the playoffs? Bring it on! This amounts to a marquee matchup in an ever-diluted playoff spring. These staggering Celtics always can get into the heads of the Knicks. Carmelo Anthony is an overrated ball hog who never will win an NBA championship.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

You Aren' What Your Record Says You Are

Leave it to Shank to lay down the negative take on the Boston Celtics grabbing the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference.
Fast forward six decades to the New Garden, where the 53-win, top-seeded Celtics will open the playoffs Sunday against old friend Rajon Rondo and the eighth-seeded Chicago Bulls. So here’s the question: Are these Celtics the worst No. 1-seed in postseason history, or are they a worthy lot, bound for the conference finals and perhaps capable of stunning the Cleveland Cavaliers and advancing to the NBA Finals?

I think we know the answer. Today’s Celtics fall in between the two extremes. They are not total frauds reaping the benefits of the Tomato Can NBA East. But nor are they championship driven.
I think Shank is the kind of guy who can only say something nice to one person - his wife.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Asshole Sports Media

It's always good to plan ahead, isn't it?

Alive And Kicking

Looks like our old pal 'Objective'Bruce is still at it.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

DHL Dan - LIV

Even Shank realizes he can't take a week off without doing something that resembles work, so we're blessed with another Picked Up Pieces column.
Picked-up pieces while trying to decide which of our winter sports teams will play longer into the postseason.

■ It’s been a bad few days for the Celtics. Clearly, the world champion Cleveland Cavaliers are the Celtics’ daddy. The C’s were appropriately spanked Wednesday after the Cavs were informed that a weeknight regular-season game in Boston was some kind of a test of Cleveland’s championship mettle. Thursday night’s subsequent flop in Atlanta was yet another reminder that the Celtics are a long, long way from being championship-caliber.
They have only one scorer and he’s 5 feet 9 inches. They have a thin bench and get outrebounded on a regular basis. Getting to the conference finals with this bunch would be a miracle. Here’s hoping the Green Teamers don’t try to tell us the season is a success if they bow out again in the first round.

■ Granted, I don’t watch a ton of hockey, but I’m pretty sure Patrice Bergeron has never lost a faceoff.
Idiot. That's where I stopped reading this mailed-in shit column.

Monday, April 03, 2017

It's Opening Day

...and Shank is right on it:
History and ubiquitous connections to the past make it special to live in Boston. There’s very little that’s truly new. Almost nothing stands alone as its own entity.

And so it is with the ritual that is the Opening Day of the baseball season here in the Hub of the Universe.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are the Red Sox’ opponent for the franchise’s 117th Opening Day, and this represents only the third time in history that the Pirates have traveled to Boston to play the Sox. The Pirates were here in 1903 for the first World Series and they were here in 2005 for one of these goofy interleague series, which still seem silly and unnecessary. And now the Pirates are here through Thursday to face a Red Sox team that is universally favored to win the American League East for a second straight season.

The Red Sox won 93 games last year, but the season ended badly and quickly when Terry Francona’s Cleveland Indians smoked the Sox in three straight Division Series games. The takeaway from that final week of an otherwise good Red Sox season: In their final nine games, the Sox had eight losses, five David Ortiz celebrations, and an early exit from the tournament.
That's what I like about Shank - always accentuating the positive and looking at the bright side of things!

Sunday, April 02, 2017

If There Wasn't A Losing Team

...Shank would have nothing to tweet about:

Thursday, March 30, 2017

No Imagination Whatsoever

I got into my car yesterday around 11:00 AM to run some errands, and I turn on WEEI. What's Lou Merloni talking about? The Red Sox pitchers and all of their injuries. A few minutes later I switch over to 98.5 The Sports Hub. What's Marc Bertrand talking about? Same thing. Later in the day, what are Felger & Mazz talking about? That's right - same thing.

Imagine my surprise when I checked out Shank's latest column:
FORT MYERS, Fla. — The walls are closing in around Red Sox baseball boss Dave Dombrowski for the first time since he took the job in the summer of 2015.

Pitchers acquired by Dombrowski keep getting hurt. There has been criticism of the club’s shoulder workout program. Dombrowski has been having a few testy exchanges with reporters, and he’s getting heat from some of the nonstop sports talk shows back in Boston. (where he got the idea for this column! - ed.)

Dombrowski has been in big league baseball for 40 years. He has won a World Series and pretty much seen it all. How is he feeling about the Boston baseball experience now that it’s getting a little hot?
Shank does this (listen to local sports talk radio and apes their storylines) often enough that it warrants pointing it out one more time. Even Shank's Twitter timeline (posted yesterday around 2:00 PM) supports this. If you listened to any Boston sports talk radio yesterday, there's no need to read this column.

Monday, March 27, 2017

The Obligatory Hanley Ramirez Column

This time around, the column's not all cookie cutter spring training stuff - Shank gets to discuss Hanley's bad shoulder for the entire column!
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Who’s on first?

Not Hanley Ramirez. Not yet, anyway. But he says he still wants to go back there.

The offseason blueprint for the post-Ortiz Red Sox calls for Ramirez to serve as DH against righthanded starters while lefty-swinging Mitch Moreland plays first base. On days when lefties start (there are a lot of them around), the Sox plan to put Ramirez at first while Chris Young DHs.

Manager John Farrell also hopes to use the southpaw days to spell some of his everyday starters while Ramirez plays first.

Unfortunately, Ramirez says his right shoulder is bothering him when he throws, and he hasn’t raised his hand to play first all spring. The Sox open the season Monday at Fenway Park against the Pirates, and Farrell sounds as though he has all but given up trying Ramirez at first in Florida.
One of the Globe commenters thought Shank was trying to create some controversy, which is entirely expected. With today's column, I didn't get an overwhelming feeling of venom or shitting on Red Sox management / ownership, which are prime attributes of a Shank hatchet job, so I don't think Shank's stirring the pot right now. He'll wait until next week to write that column, the first time Hanley isn't at first base for the first couple of games.

The Obligatory Christian Vazquez Column

As the 2017 Red Sox roster takes shape (and Blake Swihart is being optioned to Pawtucket to start the season, Christian Vazquez looks like he'll be starting, and that makes Shank happy.
FORT MYERS, Fla — Get it over with, Red Sox.

Make Christian Vazquez your everyday catcher.

Roll back the clock to where you were two years ago before Vazquez came up with a bum elbow at spring training.

Vazquez is the best catcher on the team. He’ll hit enough. It’s OK to tell Sandy Leon that you loved what he did for you last year. But why waste time when Vazquez is going to end up being the everyday catcher anyway?

UPDATE, 3/27 AT 8:55 PM - Fixed incorrect first name in the title - whoops...

Sunday, March 26, 2017

The Obligatory Andrew Benintendi Column

That was a tough call predicting 'one player, one column', wasn't it?
FORT MYERS, Fla. — He is taking over left field at Fenway Park — a precious piece of real estate that was patrolled continuously by Hall of Famers Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, and Jim Rice for almost 50 years of the 20th century. He has played all of 34 games in the big leagues and already he is on the cover of Sports Illustrated. He is a consensus pick to be American League Rookie of the Year in 2017.

He is Andrew Benintendi, the Next Big Thing in Boston baseball.

Friday, March 24, 2017

The Obligatory Xander Bogaerts Column

Now that Shank's doing his second Florida go-round, expect him to do what he does every year - focus on one Red Sox player when writing a column.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — He’s still only 24 years old, but we think of him now as almost part of the Fenway furniture. There’s the Green Monster in left, the Citgo sign behind the Monster, Pesky’s Pole in right, and Xander Bogaerts anchoring shortstop for the Boston Red Sox.

Bogaerts and Dustin Pedroia are the only remaining veterans from the 2013 World Series roster, and young Bogey trails only Pedroia in continuous service with this Boston ball club.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Just Wondering

Shank was curious about Clay Buchholz's newborn kid:
Clay Buchholz’s brood just got a little bigger. The former Red Sox right-hander and his wife, Lindsay Clubine, have welcomed their third child. Early Tuesday, Clubine, a former “Deal or No Deal” model, posted the happy news on Instagram with a picture of the whole family in the hospital. “Welcome to the world Jax Daniel Buchholz! You complete us!!” she wrote. Is it just us or does Jax Daniel sound an awful lot like the name of a certain brand of Tennessee whiskey?

Friday, March 17, 2017

DHL Dan - LIII

Continuing his non-interest in writing columns about the Bruins or the Celtics, Shank inflicts on us his second Picked Up Pieces column this month.

First, let's go with a few bold predictions:
■ I don’t know about you, but I’m picking UConn to win the Women’s Final Four. What excitement. What drama. It’s almost like picking the Patriots to win the AFC East.
Way to go out on a limb!

Next, let's do some half-assed team comparisons:
■ Let me ask you this, Celtics fans. You saw them dismantle Minnesota Wednesday, right? Al Horford almost had a triple-double, and the Celtics bolted to a 117-104 win over the 28-39 Wolves. Swell. But which roster (including future draft picks) would you rather have for the next five years?

Give me the Wolves. The Celtics don’t have anyone — nor will they have anyone — with the upside of Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins. It’s not even close.

The Celtics are going to win more than 50 games and are only two games behind the Cavaliers in the East, but their ceiling is significantly lower than that of the T-Wolves. It would be much more fun to build around Towns and Wiggins than around Isaiah Thomas, Marcus Smart, Jaylen Brown, and Danny Ainge’s raft of draft picks.
Since when has Shank ever been about 'fun' things? The Celtics have improved every year under coach Stevens, and Shank claims he'd rather have two 'fun' players than an entire functioning team? Remember that the next time Shank complains about not winning.
■ Still don’t understand the hate for David Price. He won 17 games last season, fourth best in the league. Led the majors in starts (35) and innings (230). Had more strikeouts than any lefty in Red Sox history. His ERA was 3.99. Many highly paid talents have come here and done much less. Let’s not turn him into Carl Crawford or Jack Clark.
Shank has more than contributed his fair share of 'hate' and negativity into the Boston sports media environment, and now he complains about the after effects? What an asshole.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Book It, Done

Shank's pretty sure that the New England Patriots are Super Bowl bound this year:
It’s done. I have purchased my round-trip plane ticket to Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis. I leave on Sunday, Jan. 28, 2018, one week after the Patriots win the AFC Championship game at Gillette Stadium. I’ll be on Delta Flight 2588, Seat 19-D. Delta’s best round-trip fare to the Twin Cities is currently $410.59. That’s nonrefundable with no changes allowed.

No changes? No refunds? No problem. I have never bought an airplane ticket this far in advance, but the Patriots are going to Super Bowl LII, and you should be going, too.

It’s “fire all your guns at once” time in Foxborough. The Patriots are loading up for 2017.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Apathy Noted

A Boston sports columnist who doesn't give a rats ass about college basketball writes a column to complain about Boston's alleged apathy towards college basketball:
There’s an annual three-week party about to start in our country, and back here in Greater Boston, we are pointedly not invited. We might not even watch it on TV. Why bother? It has nothing to do with us.

Selection Sunday is upon us and we are like tobacco-spittin’, old-timey baseball scouts with an unopened invitation to the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference. We are like “The Biggest Loser” contestants being asked to watch a DirecTV video on the making of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

March Madness? It’s March Apathy on our regional sports landscape.
The only time Shank gives a flying fuck about the NCAA basketball tournament is when his alma mater, Holy Cross, is in the tournament. Funny how that works, isn't it?

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

Getting Right On The Story

Reader Walter R. sent me this early in the afternoon:
Should I be impressed/disappointed that it took our hero nearly 3 weeks after the fact for Dan to write the inevtiable Lonborg/Brady skiing story?

Get ready for a whole summer of 1967 references.
And sure enough:
Hey Tom Brady, skiing can be a slippery slope
He does have a firm grasp of the obvious!
By now every Patriots fan has seen Tom Brady’s verified Instagram video of a skier, perhaps Brady, crash landing while attempting a ski jump in Montana a couple of weeks ago. On Instagram, Brady got into a short exchange with David Beckham in which he told the soccer star, “Hahaha yeah all good just my left shoulder which isn’t very important to me anyway.’’

Swell. But spending any part of the offseason in a sling is no way for a Super Bowl MVP to enjoy down time. Here’s a little advice for Brady from Jim Lonborg, the former Red Sox Cy Young ace who blew out his knee on the slopes and was never the same pitcher after his breakthrough 22-win season in 1967:

“It’s OK to ski as long as you don’t get hurt.
You don't say?

Let's skip to the amusing / hypocritical part:

Far be it from me to tell Brady what to do in his free time...
So, he devotes a whole column to it! Think he's still pissed about the Patriots winning the Super Bowl? Don't take it from me - take it from the commenters:

linniel03/08/17 03:08 PM

Notice how he always has to get a dig in at a Patriots.."Brady's PAID Weei gig", was that really necessary!

buttfumble03/08/17 03:17 PM

Danny, do you get paid for your radio gig? Never mind, nobody cares. How's your Super Bowl headache? How bout a vacation in Atlanta to get over it?

MCH823195003/08/17 06:19 PM

Since Shank can trash Trump every day he goes after anything Brady or Pats. This is a real stretch Shamk,!but it keeps your Pats trashing streak alive

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

You Don't Say?

Just doing his thing as a professional sports asshole...

Monday, March 06, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - L

Shank retweeted something from former Boston Globe rumpswab Mike Barnicle, the grandfather of fake news:
Whatever that's supposed to mean. Barnicle also licked the ass of a well known local mobster, Whitey Bulger and falsely claimed he kept the drugs out of Southie. What a sap.

Larry Bird Watch

Shank has resumed following the Boston Celtics this winter - it's just not the current Boston Celtics:
Hop into the way back machine to a simpler time . . . a time when a team won a championship on Tuesday night, then flew to the White House Wednesday morning . . . a time when three star players didn’t make the trip to Pennsylvania Avenue, and hardly anybody noticed.

This happened to your Boston Celtics in the middle of a scalding June in 1984 when Larry Bird was king, Ronald Reagan was president, the Celtics were champions, and a trip to the White House was No Big Deal.

I was there. And in today’s 24/7 culture of social media, hot takes, and political polarization, it’s kind of refreshing to look back at a time when Red’s cigar was just a cigar, and nobody really cared that Bird, Robert Parish, and Cedric Maxwell skipped the trip to the White House.
That's because it wasn't due to political theater:
“Apparently the invitation (to the White House - ed.) had been made a day or two earlier to the Lakers that if they won they’d be going to the White House, but nobody bothered to mention it to us,’’ recalled Volk. “I scrambled to get flights [Eastern Airlines, flight 375] and we prepared a memo that we hoped to use if we won.’’

Saturday, March 04, 2017

DHL Dan - LII

It's been nearly a week since Shank returned from the Red Sox spring training. Interest in the Celtics and the Bruins seems to be lacking for some reason, which means we get a Picked Up Pieces column! It's like that lump of dogshit you step in when you're raking the backyard...
Picked-up pieces from Houston, Fort Myers, and everywhere in between . . .

■ Boston College is looking for an athletic director in the wake of the failed five-year regime of Brad Bates, who was never a good fit for the job.
That's an interesting observation - as far as I can tell, Shank wrote about him once, never discussing his 'fit'ness for the job. The rest of that section reeks of someone else writing it, or Shank got someone to spoon feed it to him. He doesn't give a flying fuck about Boston College or college sports in general, unless it's to shit on John Calipari or Rick Pitino, the Great Destroyer of the Celtics.

I can't be bothered with the rest of it; I'll just pick two things out:
■ I still say the Celtics should have emptied the vault for DeMarcus Cousins. At the time of the Cousins trade to the Pelicans, he was averaging 27.8 points, 10.7 rebounds, and 4.8 assists per game. According to Basketball-Reference.com, the only NBA players with similar numbers over a full season are Oscar Robertson, Larry Bird, Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
I don't necessarily have a problem with a player who's a 'head case'; I would have a problem with someone who's a proven locker room cancer, like Cousins is or Terrell Owens was. It's not just inept ownership in Sacramento that has left the Kings as a basket case of a franchise.

Your laugh of the day:

■ Margot Robbie, a stunning beauty who starred in “The Wolf of Wall Street,” has been selected to play Tonya Harding in a biopic about the former Olympic skater. This would be like casting Brad Pitt to star in “The Dan Shaughnessy Story.’’
No need to put it on film, Danny Boy - I can do it in one sentence. Shank is a petty, vindictive and bitter sports writer.


The End.

Friday, March 03, 2017

There Goes Shank's Next Ten Columns

It looks like Curt Schilling is yielding the fight against the fake Indian Senator Elizabeth Warren after giving the heads up to V.A Shiva Ayyadurai, the Cambridge / Belmont software guy who claims to have invented e-mail.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Shank's Getting Bored Already

That's the feeling that comes across as Shank writes his annual column on Carl Yastrzemski .
FORT MYERS, Fla. — His photo was on the cover of the Globe Magazine last Sunday — a 28-year-old Carl Yastrzemski chomping on a cigar, his head swathed in shaving cream, a throng of news photographers and cameramen following his every move.

It was the best of all the days in the best of all the seasons. It was Oct. 1, 1967, a Sunday afternoon, the final day of an epic regular season, and the Red Sox had just learned via their clubhouse radio that the California Angels had defeated the Detroit Tigers in Tiger Stadium, delivering the Boston Red Sox to their first World Series in 21 years.

“I think that was the best moment,’’ Yaz said last week in a telephone interview. “It was Sunday and we were behind and we rallied. That was a big thing. [Jim] Lonborg beating the bunt out. We were going up against a great pitcher in Dean Chance.’’
I'm sure you've read parts of this column before.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Promise Broken, Again

Dan Shaughnessy, October 25, 2015:
I promise never to rip Sandoval for being out of shape or going on the disabled list.
Dan Shaughnessy, earlier this afternoon:
FORT MYERS, Fla. — It was good to see Pablo Sandoval playing baseball again Thursday afternoon. The slimmed-down Kung Fu Panda started at third base against the Northeastern Huskies,
...
The last time we saw the Panda in action was last April, when his belt succumbed to his swollen gut and literally exploded in mid-swing at the Rogers Centre in Toronto.
...
The Panda has been a punch line around here for the better part of two seasons.
...
No. Nothing like that. We watched the Panda’s BMI rise while his OPS fell.
...
In the wake of a second straight last-place finish by the Red Sox in 2015, Sandoval and Hanley Ramirez became Boston baseball’s Pinata Twins — blamed for everything that was wrong with the team. (blamed by...whom? - ed.)
...
He showed up looking out of shape, and no one believed the Sox when they insisted he had only 17 percent body fat (“Did they say 70 percent?” we wondered).
...
We know he’s on a low-carb regimen and he dropped a few lbs. by riding his mountain bike to the park and doing some boxing in the offseason. He says he has something to prove. He says his shoulder is healed. He says he’s OK again from the right side. (surely not trying to create doubt here, right? - ed.)
...
Sandoval played three grueling innings against Northeastern.
Much like Shank's daily grueling one mile run!

Surprise, Surprise

What is this - an actual baseball story by Shank?
FORT MYERS, Fla. — There don’t seem to be any openings in the Red Sox starting lineup. The outfield is flush with young stars, Hanley Ramirez is going to be the designated hitter, and the infield is set with Mitch Moreland and Pablo Sandoval anchoring the corners. Despite what the Sox may say, there is virtually no competition for jobs.

Except behind the plate. Watch out for Christian Vazquez.

Vazquez lost the job to Sandy Leon last season. He tried to come back from Tommy John surgery too soon, struggled behind the plate, hit only .227 in 57 games, and was sent back to the minors. Leon, perceived as a journeyman even though he’s only a year older than Vazquez, had a career year, hitting .310 with 7 homers and 35 RBIs in 78 games. Vazquez played in only six games for Boston after July 2.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Remembering His Good Buddy Pedro Martinez

Hey, Pedro - remember when I called you a diva when I was running you out of town, then continued to talk shit about you later on?

We're good now, right?

Your pal, Shank
FORT MYERS, Fla. — He is Red Sox royalty, a Hall of Fame talent who already had won a Cy Young Award when he first came to the Red Sox from the small market of Montreal in 1998.

The buzz these days is that it takes a year for a star pitcher to acclimate to Boston — Josh Beckett, Rick Porcello, and David Price all come to mind — but it didn’t take long for Pedro Martinez. He was great at Fenway, right from the start.
Then Pedro says...
He signed autographs for 45 minutes after the session, then took a few minutes to talk about what it’s like for an ace pitcher (this means you, Chris Sale) to introduce himself to the Boston baseball market.

“I think it’s having to restart your mind,’’ said Pedro, cradling a baseball in his right hand. “For a guy like Price, he pitched in Tampa, where it is quiet and not a lot of attention. It was the same for me in Montreal. It took me almost a year to finally settle in and finally understand what to expect and what I wanted to do.
You were saying, Shank?

Trying To Create Doubt - III

Shank's still hoping for Armageddon at Fort Myers for the Red Sox this spring:
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Red Sox players sat still for a 30-minute media training session before their workouts Saturday morning at Fenway South. The tutorial was hardly necessary. Most of these young guys know how to present themselves to fans, and how to work with the no-longer-carnivorous Boston baseball media. (my bullshit meter just broke! - ed.)

Seriously. The 2017 Red Sox have a raft of homegrown young stars who are polite, cooperative, and careful with their words. If you are a baseball fan, you see the sound bites on TV every night during the regular season. Mookie Betts, Xander Bogaerts, Jackie Bradley Jr., Andrew Benintendi, and the rest of them all sound as if they majored in public relations.

“I think individually we all grew up the right way,’’ said Bogaerts, an Aruba native who first came to the big leagues when he was 20 in 2013. “The Red Sox are one of the top organizations in the game and you’ve got to bring that with you. You can’t be disrespectful or impolite; that just doesn’t fly around here.
Read the rest of the column that harkens back to the old days when the Red Sox and local media were more, shall we say, carnivorous.

And the big finish:
True. Call me a dreamer, but with Chris Sale, Pablo Sandoval, and Hanley Ramirez in the fold, I’m hoping there’s still a chance for some old-fashioned clubhouse chaos here in Camp Tranquility.
He wants chaos so he can rip any player or member of management / ownership who contribute to it. Little wonder trust in the media is at or near all-time lows.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Trying To Create Doubt - II

Alternative title - Another Colum About Nothing, a continuing series.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — The glow from Super Bowl LI will never dim. Snowflakes aside, our region has been in a good mood almost every hour for the past two weeks. Folks are still agog about the Patriots’ dramatic comeback, and they watch their DVR-preserved copy over and over, like teenagers playing a loop of a favorite song.

All of which has me wondering about the official passing of the Boston sports torch.

Have we really become a football town more than we are a baseball town?
...
Yes, we are a football town, but it turns out baseball is not dead. This point was hammered home last week when the Globe conducted an online poll asking readers, “What is the greatest story in Boston sports history: the 2004 Red Sox or the 2016 Patriots?’’

More than 5,000 readers responded in a 24-hour period, and the ’04 Sox bagged 73 percent of the vote.
A couple of things here - a) Boston Globe 'readers' taking a poll and responding in a single day do not in any way represent a large enough sample of New England sports fans to draw this conclusion, and b) responding to 'the greatest sports story in Boston sports history' likewise does not necessarily translate to whether Boston is a Patriots or Red Sox town. This isn't the first time Shank has pulled this false / bogus premise and passes it off as a column.

I bet he's hoping Pablo Sandoval puts on 20 pounds over the weekend eating at Chinese and Golden Corral buffets so he can write on, you know, actual baseball things.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Trying To Create Doubt

Smooth sailing for the 2017 Boston Red Sox? Leave it to Shank to take care of that.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Accompanied by club chairman Tom Werner, Red Sox owner John Henry endured his annual “state of the team” press conference at Fenway South Friday morning.

It was positively positive. And dull. Nothing the owner said will change the nap-time narrative of this Red Sox camp. JetBlue Park in 2017 is Tranquility Base. Henry and Werner love it that way.

Me? I miss the bad old days when there was a little hunger, restlessness, and indecision at the top.
Hence the reason for this column.
This week last year, Henry came to Fort Myers and told us, “I was shocked at how bad we were last year . . . We were wrong about everything.’’

In that same session, the owner — the man who hired Bill James and became a billionaire with the help of numbers — also dropped the bomb that the Sox were “overly reliant” on analytics.
News Flash - Shank still hates numbers!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Stick To Sports

Shank's trying to make a political joke here:

Readers give him the business:

Great question...


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

The Obligatory First Red Sox Spring Training Column

Yes, indeed - Shank abandons his family and leaves them alone with the shoveling chores in the middle of winter and beats his pasty white ass down to the confines of sunny Florida to give us his first Red Sox spring training report.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Josh Beckett, David Price.
Who are 'Red Sox pitchers that Dan Shaughnessy ran out of town', Alex?
In the last two decades, the Red Sox have acquired several established All-Star pitchers, some with championship rings, some with Cy Young hardware, all with hard-earned reputations and maybe a little baggage.

Now it’s Chris Sale. He’s the new ace in town. And he comes to us with a four-seam fastball, a filthy slider, and a big bowl of badass.
Despite Shank's bravado, the rest of the column is worth reading, especially for any of you going through football withdrawal.

When Sports And Politics Collide

Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. In this case, Shank stirs the pot by calling out not the players boycotting the White House visit, but those in the Patriots organization who support Donald Trump.
These empty-calorie ceremonies have traditionally taken place in the White House’s Rose Garden. That’s fitting because the Patriots’ support of Trump has become a thorny issue.
It's only a thorny issue for the reporters covering the Patriots, because they're all fucking Democrats.
The Patriots made history in Super Bowl LI, but some feel they’re on the wrong side of it with their coziness with Trump.
And one of these 'some feel' people is Dan Shaughnessy. Gotta love the use of the passive voice...
The Patriots don’t have to stiff-arm the president, but they would be wise to at least start distancing themselves from some of his polarizing policies..
This has to be the most bogus charge, making a politician's supporters speak out on every damned policy. Do you recall reporters shoving a microphone in a Democrat's face every time John Kerry or Joe Biden said something galactically stupid? Me neither.

Oh, one more thing - remember that time Shank's wife tried donating some money to Nikki Tsongas from a joint checking account? Shank didn't have anything to say about that, yet he now expects the Trump supporters in the Patriots organization (all of three the last I checked) to 'start distancing themselves from some of his polarizing policies'? Funny how that works when the shoe's on the other foot, isn't it, Shank?

This is classic Shank - making a mountain out a molehill.

UPDATE AT 2:25 PM - See what I mean? This USA Today reporter put words in Tom Brady's mouth / deliberately misquoted him to get a clickbait headline. And people wonder why the media is nearly universally hated?

Monday, February 13, 2017

Delusional Dan

The Boston Bruins have won three games in a row after shitcanning Claude Julien six days ago, including a satisfying 4-0 shutout over the Montreal Canadiens last night. Shank manages to talk himself into a ludicrous comparison. Either he's delusional, or he's trying to get a rise out of Bruins fans. Here's his third tweet (yes, the third) of the season on the Bruins (because he's really into hockey):
My buddy John (who would put Kevin Paul Dupont to shame on hockey knowledge if he was writing a column about hockey) sends me this:
If the pooh bear lemmings think a new coach cures the lower lines, defense & backup goaltending, I have some kool aid.
Shank gets some other reminders as well:


Friday, February 10, 2017

Dan Shaughnessy, Attention Whore

Poor Danny Boy - someone's mad at him!

A few people commented on Shank's arrogance:


For what it's worth, I met Cam at a comedy club on Warrenton Street many moons ago, just after he retired. I shook his hand; he damn near crushed it. Human vise-grip! If I was Shank, I'd be avoiding the Garden for a while.

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Fake Outrage?

Now that the Patriots' run is over, Shank is forced to turn his attention elsewhere. In his first (yes, first) column on the Bruins of the season (their season's already past the halfway point), Shank takes issue with the timing of Claude Julien's firing.
The Bruins should never be forgiven for the stunt they pulled Tuesday morning: They fired coach Claude Julien on the morning of the Patriots Super Bowl victory parade through the streets of Boston.

This goes beyond weak, beyond cowardly. It’s disrespectful to the winningest coach in franchise history — a guy who has been on the job for 10 years — and it’s an insult to the great sports/hockey fans of Boston.

The timing stinks. We all knew it was time for Claude to go. The Bruins should have fired him at the end of the 2015 season. Or at the end of the 2016 season. Or last week at the All-Star break.
After reading the comments to Shank's column, I seem to be the only one who doesn't care about the timing of this move.

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Two Shaughnessys In One

Shank, two and a half weeks ago:

Shank, four hours ago:
So, is Shank now fine with the firing, but not cool with the timing? Seems to me the timing doesn't matter much and is likely a function on securing a new coach before you go ahead and fire the current coach. Anyway, if you're looking for a bit more IQ behind the firing (not a high bar to clear with Shank), check out this Deadspin article.

Monday, February 06, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XLIX

The Globe jumped the gun on last night's game for their early edition newspaper. Whoops!

Shank's Post Super Bowl Column - II

And now for Useless Argument Time, by Dan Shaughnessy.
Your answer might depend on how the question is framed. So let’s agree that we won’t argue greatest “moment” — such as Bobby Orr flying through the air in 1970, Carlton Fisk clanging one off the foul pole in 1975, Ted Williams saying goodbye in 1999, or Malcolm Butler intercepting at the goal line in 2015.

And let’s not compare all the championships. This doesn’t have to be Patriots 2016 vs. Red Sox 2013 vs. Larry beating Magic in the 1984 Finals vs. the Big Bad Bruins sweeping the Blues in 1970.

No. This little exercise will pose this question and this question only: What is the greatest Boston sports story of all time?
I'll just note one instance of passive-aggressive behavior by Shank:
It boggles the mind to think about all that went into this. The Patriots were branded as cheaters.
Yes, they were - branded by none other than Shank himself.

Shank's Post Super Bowl Column - I

I guarantee you that a much different Shaughnessy column was being written at halftime, ready to take the world's biggest shit on the Patriots organization. Instead, we get this column, after an epic Patriots comeback.
HOUSTON — It will take weeks, months, maybe years to fully absorb this one, but given all the layers of drama, emotion, and improbability, the Patriots’ 34-28 overtime victory over the Atlanta Falcons Sunday night might very well be the greatest moment in Boston sports history.

And that, folks, is saying something.

Super Bowl LI at massive NRG Stadium was supposed to be all about revenge and a Roger Goodell trophy moment, but it wound up being the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history and a victory against which all others — in every sport — will forever be measured.
A boring column, actually - most of it is the standard game recap. That's what happens when you're forced to scrap the one you were writing at halftime.

Sunday, February 05, 2017

The Obligatory Super Bowl Day Column

Here it is, folks:
HOUSTON — Tonight the Patriots settle all family business.

This certainly is New England’s game plan as the Patriots take on the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl LI at NRG Stadium.

Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and Bob Kraft have been to six previous Super Bowls, but have never carried this much history or emotion into the ultimate game — not even when they tried to complete a perfect season against the New York Giants in February 2008.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say Shank just updated this column from a few weeks ago.

Programming note - No game updates to cover Shank's stupid coin toss tweets, etc., as I'm at a buddy's house watching the game. Go Patriots!

Saturday, February 04, 2017

Old Dog, Old Tricks

Despite the Patriots being a mere three point favorite and the line not moving at all for the past two weeks, Shank has to belittle the Atlanta Falcons one more time:

Reaction is pretty much what you'd expect:






Friday, February 03, 2017

Captain Obvious To The Rescue

"Hmmm... I need to bang out a column soon... I got it - I'll do a column on Scott Pioli! New England connection, here I come!"
With deep New England ties, Scott Pioli is on the other side in this one

HOUSTON — Scott Pioli is in an awkward and delicate position.

He can handle it. Pioli asked Bill Parcells for his daughter’s hand in marriage at the same time Pioli was working for Bill Belichick. When you have pledged lifetime loyalty at the foot of the Tuna — while working for the Hoodie — you know how to handle awkward situations.

Pioli helped build the New England Patriots football dynasty. He was in charge of New England’s draft when the Patriots selected Tom Brady in 2000.
It turns out to be a decent column, with plenty of Pioli history and background.

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Trolling Effort Noticed - II

A few days ago, Atlanta sports blog 'Blogging Dirty' picked up on Shank's Falcons troll from last week:
We expected the Atlanta Falcons to get little respect from the New England media, but the Boston Globe just insulted the entire city of Atlanta.

The Atlanta Falcons are receiving very little credit from the New England media. This surprises no one within Falcons Nation as we’re aware the team was completely overlooked for all of 2016. We expected overconfidence from those within Patriots territory, but what the Boston Globe published on Monday crossed the line.

What I’m talking about is Dan Shaughnessy’s recent piece of work titled: “It’s hard to get pumped up about a Super Bowl against Atlanta”.
Here's where they (actually, author John Follett) cut loose on Shank:
Shaughnessy Doesn’t Know Football, Much Less the Falcons

Dan Shaughnessy hasn’t paid attention to a single down of Atlanta Falcons’ football this season. He has no idea the offensive weapons the Falcons have, nor a clue how the Patriots can match up against each. Shaughnessy is also oblivious to the Atlanta defense’s road to Super Bowl 51 that included knocking Drew Brees, Russell Wilson, and Aaron Rodgers out of their respective comfort zones.

Not a single ounce of actual football analysis was published by Shaughnessy on Monday. As far as he’s concerned, the Patriots will win Super Bowl 51 simply because the city of Boston has been a winner. It’s not shocking as Shaughnessy knows very little about the game. This much is obvious considering he took a Super Bowl headline and attempted to support it with a lot of basketball talk.

Shaughnessy’s article turns into a nice little history about the rich and prosperous Boston sports scene that predates Larry Bird. He dared to compare the Boston sports market to that of Atlanta, but not without insulting the city of Atlanta in the process.
Congratulations, Atlanta - you got Shanked!

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Big Steaming Heap Of Bullshit

There are multiple angles to take with this latest Shank column, so I think I need to give this one an old fashioned Fisking.
HOUSTON — NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was at it again Wednesday. The man is a master of passive aggression and manipulation. If his ginger hair were on fire, he would calmly tell you that he is not warm.
Shank is also a master of passive-aggressive behavior; he's spent the past two years attacking and criticizing the Patriots and Tom Brady on the issue of Deflategate in particular and is now about to change his tune because it suits him, and he has cover from other Boston area media. He has done the same with the Patriots for over two decades, criticizing them at every turn, then pretending to support them whenever they made serious playoff runs. These two sons of bitches ought to be exchanging notes.
Roger Dodger (never heard that one before! - ed.) held his annual Super Bowl media session Wednesday at the Houston Convention Center. We will not bore you with anything Goodell said about the Chargers’ move to Los Angeles, the Raiders’ move to Las Vegas, “Thursday Night Football,” or NFL games in London.
I'm thankful for small favors - let's get ready to rumble!!!
All we care about is Deflategate, and Goodell allowed five Deflategate queries during his 45 minutes at the podium.

Give him credit for taking some bullets. The typical NFL method is to deny the obvious and censor all dissent. In a room with hundreds of hungry reporters, it would have been easy for Goodell to rig the session and make sure he took no questions from New England. He did not do this.
Bear in mind that Shank was quite pleased with this investigation and its eventual outcome, with Shank concluding that Tom Brady and the Patriots are lying cheating bastards as he scolded the entire Patriots Nation.
The Globe’s Ben Volin was first up, and he told the Commish that Bob Kraft (who was sitting in the front row with Jonathan) is still going around telling folks that Goodell got bad Deflategate advice from folks in the league office.

Goodell quickly dismissed that with, “We had a violation. We went through a process. We applied the discipline in accordance with our process. It was litigated, as you know, extensively and validated by the Second Circuit Court of Appeals, so we’re moving on.’’
What Goodell doesn't mention is the transmogrification of this case from an equipment violation to a 'conduct detrimental' matter in order to impose the four game suspension on Brady.
Moving on? Not bloody likely. The Patriots and their fans are not moving on. In this spirit, we went at the Commish with both barrels. We fired all the muskets at once. This was no time for decorum.
Need I remind anybody about Shank's passive-aggressive behavior?
“Tom Brady Sr. was highly critical and personally insulting toward you last week,’’ I reminded the commissioner. “You’ve not been in Foxborough for two years since the Deflategate investigation. Your explanation strains all credibility — that you needed to be in Atlanta two weeks in a row.

“It appears you were avoiding Foxborough. The Patriots are here in this game . . . it feels like there is still a war between the Patriots and their fans and you. How would you characterize the situation, and is it not awkward?”

“I would say that it is not awkward at all for me,’’ started Goodell (nose growing). “We have a job to do. We do our job when there is a violation. We apply the process and discipline and we came to a conclusion that was supported by the courts.
This is simply astounding - Shank used Deflategate to beat the ever loving shit out of the Patriots and Tom Brady for two years, and this line of questioning was conspicuously absent from the many, many colums he devoted to the subject. I'll call it breathtaking hypocrisy; pure fucking theater.
“So from our standpoint, we understand that fans who are loyal and passionate for a team object and don’t like the outcome. I totally understand that. And I was in Boston two seasons ago for two consecutive playoff games, the same way I was in Atlanta this year. That happens.

“So from our standpoint, this is just about making sure we take care of business and do it in a way that is right and upholding the integrity of all of our teams and our rules for all 32 teams.”

“So you’re not avoiding Foxborough?’’ I yelled. “You would come back there, if they win, for the flag raising?”

“If I’m invited back to Foxborough, I’ll come,’’ he answered.
How many of you are buying that?
Intrepid Bert Breer of MMQB tried to clarify that comment a few minutes later and asked, “To the best of your knowledge, over the last month have you been welcome in Foxborough . . . by the team?”

“I have no doubt that if I wanted to come up to a Patriots game and I asked Mr. Kraft, he would welcome me back,’’ said Goodell. “That’s up to him, though.’’

Breer followed up by asking Goodell how his relationship with the team has changed over the last two years.

“Listen, we had a disagreement about what occurred,’’ said Goodell, sounding a little sick of the topic. “We have been very transparent about what we think the violation was. We went through a lengthy process.
Being sick of the topic seems like the right response when your position is untenable or the matter just comes up too many times for your liking. Maybe it's a variant of the old saw - 'Have you stopped beating your wife?'
“We disagree about that, but I continue to respect and admire Robert, Jonathan, the entire organization. They are an extraordinary organization and they are extraordinary people in my view, so I have a very deep and close relationship to them.

“I’m not afraid of disagreement. I don’t think disagreement leads to distrust or hatred. It’s a disagreement . . . That’s what it is. It’s not personal hatred, which I know people like to make it, but for us it’s about making sure we do what’s right for the league, long-term.’’

When Kelly Sullivan of WPRI in Providence asked Goodell if he’d talked to Brady this year, the commissioner said he does not disclose conversations he may or may not have had with players.
I'll go with 'No, I did not talk with Tom Brady...'

Now, with more explosions!
Tom Curran of CSNNE fired this salvo: “From the players in the league, to fan bases in San Diego, St. Louis, New England, there seems to be an erosion of public trust in you and your office. Do you acknowledge that, and is there any way that you would go about repairing that if you would even seek to do so?’’

This produced a tower of Goodellspeak.

“The thing you have to always do, every day, is earn that trust, earn that credibility by how you act and how you do things,” he said. “Be transparent and make sure people understand the decisions you make.’’

There were many more words, but no true meaning.

The commissioner is not transparent. Fans do not understand the decisions he’s made.

And despite what Roger Dodger says, this is really awkward.
You might call it a big bowl of awkward, to borrow a phrase from the Shankster.

Scumbag Columnist?

Is it me, or is Shank (who did everything possible to pile on Tom Brady last year, including calling him a cheater) exploiting an illness in the Brady family just to get a fucking column out of it?
HOUSTON — We know it has been a trying time for Tom Brady. We know it was hard for him to give up his court appeals and serve his four-game suspension at the start of this season.

We knew Brady was going to get a lot of questions this week about Deflategate, Roger Goodell, Donald Trump, and his opportunity to become the first quarterback to win five Super Bowls.

But we did not know that there has been a personal crisis going on in the Patriot quarterback’s family this year, and we were not expecting Brady to become super emotional in the early days of Super Bowl week. CSNNE’s Tom Curran reported Tuesday that Brady’s mother Galynn has been dealing with an illness for 18 months.
What a fucking hypocrite. "We know it has been a trying time for Tom Brady." after Shank's been piling on him for the better part of two years. Absolutely disgraceful.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Missed Opportunity

Here's another meal with a member of the Patriots organization that Shank didn't get invited to:

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Resurrection

Shank, showing no interest whatsoever at writing about the Celtics or the Bruins (other than the occasional tweet about shitcanning Claude Julien), decides to bring up Deflategate in an offhand way in order to point out another NFL 'controversy' that received decidedly unequal treatment.
HOUSTON — One of this year’s Super Bowl participants got caught cheating a couple of years ago. They were investigated by the NFL, found guilty, and punished with a whopping fine and loss of a 2016 draft pick. A team leader was ordered to serve a suspension.

Say hello to your cheatin’ Atlanta Falcons. Say hello to Noisegate — the scandal that went away quickly and quietly.

During the 2013 and 2014 NFL seasons, a Falcons marketing executive artificially pumped up crowd noise at the Georgia Dome when Falcons opponents were calling signals. The NFL got wind of it, investigated, and acted quickly. Atlanta was fined $350,000, lost a fifth-round draft pick, and team president Rich McKay was suspended from the league’s competition committee for three months.
Nothing like dredging up a past Patriots controversy in order to take yet another shot at the Patriots organization. You know, Shank could be held in better regard with local sports teams if he wasn't such a negative asshole who insisted on bringing up the past time and time again. Shank can forget about being invited to a team breakfast, just as it was during the Patriots 2nd Super Bowl appearance - take it away, Andrew!

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Trolling Effort Noticed

This was from a few days ago:
The New England Patriots must overcome the Atlanta Falcons in order to capture the franchise’s fifth Super Bowl title since 2001. Boston Globe scribe Dan Shaughnessy is unhappy with this situation because, to paraphrase, Atlanta is not a worthy adversary but instead a pitiful sports city unable to conjure up the slightest bit of hate in New England.
...
Now, let’s give Shaughnessy some credit where it’s due. All of the potential matchups would have been more interesting to the casual observer. Dallas, New York and Green Bay are NFL bluebloods. Seattle is flirting with a dynasty. But, let’s also admit what’s painfully obvious.
Check out the rest of the column, for it is good.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Troll Wars - Shank Wins Round 2

Our Man Shank continues to make friends and influence people:
Boston and Atlanta may not share much of a rivalry, but one could be brewing after a Georgia gas station banned the sale of Sam Adams until the Super Bowl.

The Brown Bridge Exxon gas station in Gainesville says it will keep Boston Beer Co.’s flagship beer off its shelves until after the New England Patriots and Atlanta Falcons meet on Feb. 5.

Earlier this week, the station’s manager, Hadji Chhadua, put a sign announcing the ban on a gas station cooler, blocking the shelf space that usually features Sam Adams Boston Lager. The image circulated widely on social media Thursday morning.

The move, he said, was a response to a column by the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy, which bemoaned that the Patriots would play the lower-profile Falcons in the Super Bowl, rather than the better-followed Dallas Cowboys or a historic rival like the New York Giants. “When it comes to Atlanta and its sports fans, we feel nothing. Maybe a little pity,” Shaughnessy wrote.

UPDATE, 5:26 PM - Typo in the headline has been corrected.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Troll Wars - Shank Wins Round 1

John Fricke at CBS Atlanta responds to Shank's trolling efforts; the two morning jerkoffs at The Sports Hub call it "the hammiest response to team-ribbing I've ever read." Show some balls and say it sucks and it's weak.

SIDE NOTE - There a lot of script-heavy, slow as molasses websites out there, and CBS sites are among the worst, as they share the same slow platform across all of their local outlets (Pittsburgh, Boston, Atlanta), even on a machine like I'm running (AMD FX-8350 8 core processor running at 4 GHz, 32 GB DDR3 1200 memory, SATA III solid state drive) and I still can't copy and paste any text after waiting 10 minutes and a few page refreshes to show you the lameness involved in John's 'response'. So, we have a shit response to a shit writer on a shit Web platform. Guess I'm done for now.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Two Newspapers In One

The Boston Bruins haven't been playing well recently. Bruins beat reporter Fluto Shinzawa doesn't think coach Claude Julien should get shitcanned:
This is no time for Bruins to fire Claude Julien
...
In times of crisis — an accurate description for the current segment — it would be easy for Neely and Sweeney to execute change by sacking Claude Julien. Coaching changes can sometimes initiate short-term spikes.

The harder thing would be for the bosses to do nothing. Which is precisely what they should do.

The Bruins are who they are. As projected before the season, they are a team engaged in a dogfight to qualify for the playoffs. That they remain in the hunt is partly because of Julien’s guidance.
Then there's this guy:
If Shank watched more than a single period of Bruins hockey this year, I'd be shocked.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Shank's General Sherman Imitation - II

Despite the Patriots bring a mere three point favorite for Super Bowl 51, Shank lays out a classic passive-aggressive column designed to piss off a major metropolitan area of the United States, pretending it's not going to be a competitive game.
We do not hate Atlanta nor its sports fans. We can’t even summon the old “Casablanca” line when Rick Blaine tells a petty thief, “If I gave you any thought I probably would [despise you].”
Now that the formalities have been skipped...
No. It’s not that. When it comes to Atlanta and its sports fans, we feel nothing. Maybe a little pity.

The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl in Houston Feb. 5, and they are going to play the Atlanta Falcons, and that takes a little fun out of the experience. It’s thrilling to see the Patriots get a chance to carry out their frontier justice on Roger Goodell. It will be sweet if Bill Belichick becomes the first coach to win five Super Bowls and Tom Brady ends the debate once and for all by surpassing Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana with five Super Bowl rings.

But Atlanta? Seriously? This will be like the Larry Bird Celtics winning two of their championships by beating the Houston Rockets instead of the Lakers. It’ll be like the Bruins beating the expansion St. Louis Blues to win the Stanley Cup. It’ll be like the Red Sox beating the Colorado Rockies to win the World Series.
Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan, from Boston College, is on fire this year and at this point he's playing as well as Tom Brady, if not better. Atlanta's running backs are lethal and their defense doesn't look too bad either. Shank is a moron for dismissing this team.

Oh - and to all you Falcons fans who might be reading this column? This is Shank's M.O., so please don't fall for it.

Shank's General Sherman Imitation - I

Oh, boy - Shank's trolling real early this time around:

Atlanta readers are all over Shank, and they are brutal:


Sorry, Mark Whalberg!





I'll leave it right there because there are too many, although further down you might like the Napoleon Dynamite reference or two. I know I did!

The Revenge Tour Continues

If NFL commissioner Roger Goodell won't come to a Patriots game, the Patriots will come to see him.
FOXBOROUGH — History. And revenge.

The Patriots trumped the Pittsburgh Steelers, 36-17, in the AFC Championship game Sunday night to advance to Super Bowl LI against the Atlanta Falcons in Houston Feb. 5. New England becomes the first NFL franchise to make it to nine Super Bowls, and Bill Belichick and Tom Brady have a chance to become the first coach and quarterback to win five.

But this New England matchup with Matt Ryan and the Falcons is much more than a shot at ring records and grid immortality.

Above all else, it will be a showdown with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Emerging Pattern Confirmed

A few weeks ago I spotted a pattern with Shank's Patriots themed columns:
By now the pattern should be clear to everyone - when Shank writes about the Patriots, he will avoid expressing an opinion about the quality of their opponent if they're a top team at the time of the game. Otherwise, the Patriots opponents are 'tomato cans', 'frauds' and so on.
This explains the lack of a column by Shank yesterday or today about tonight's AFC Championship game. In one sense, that's good - we won't be subjected to trite comparisons of Boston and Pittsburgh, simplistic 'anslysis' of the Brady / Roethlisberger matchup, and so on.

There will be a tweet about the coin flip around 6:40 this evening, so I'm really looking forward to that...

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Only 12th?

I was cruising around this afternoon and stumbled across this story by Matt Keller that ranks the villains in the Deflategate saga, which I find to be dead on:
Boston sports fans are insane. I should know: I have been one my entire life (it’s like being Jewish – we can criticize ourselves). Deflategate turned into a massive rallying point for the entire region, and if you aren’t from New England, you may have a hard time comprehending just how big of a controversy it was. After sides were taken, anyone who came at Brady or the Patriots was turned into an enemy by a rabid fanbase (some of whom happened to work in the media). Twitter battles ensued. And the pro-Patriots media and bloggers, led by people like Jerry Thornton of Barstool Sports (then of WEEI), didn’t hesitate to take each perceived enemy to task for their sins. With Jerry’s input, I compiled a list of the biggest Deflategate villains.
Out of fifteen media villains, Our Man Shank only bags 12th place?
No 12: Dan Shaughnessy (Boston Globe)

Nicknamed Shank in Boston for the way he sticks the knife into his targets’ backs in print (close enough! - ed.) , Shaughnessy has always delighted in ribbing Boston fans with purposely contrarian viewpoints. Deflategate was manna from heaven for the curly-haired columnist.
That's it - I count thirty-six posts on this site that contain the word 'Deflategate', most of those being columns or tweets by Shank.

Special mention goes to the 2nd biggest asshole in the whole saga besides Roger Goodell (#2 under the NFL category):
No 2: Ted Wells

He authored the Wells Report, which was either an incomplete report that may have relied on some faulty assumptions and didn’t offer much in the way of proof (according to most unbiased observers) or an unscrupulous hit job by an NFL stooge that contained too many errors to count and was never meant to be objective (anyone living in New England, especially media members and Patriots employees).
So even if you split the difference here, the most charitable description you can assign to the Wells Report is that of a hatchet job, which Shank once called 'embarrassing' but given that he was burying the Patriots the entire time, it's safe to say he meant 'embarrassing - for the Patriots'. Just to remind people - once again, logic and Shank took different roads.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Revisionist History - II

Shank wrote about Theo Epstein two days ago, a column that curiously didn't show up on the main page (or Shank's page) until today. I'll speculate on the reasons in a moment.
It’s good to be Theo Epstein.

A modern-day Mozart of baseball ops, the onetime baby general manager of the Red Sox (he was 28 when he took over), is all of 43 now, and he’s just about the hottest thing in sports.

Theo is the architect of the two greatest curse-busting teams in American sports history. He was running the Red Sox when they threw off the 86-year-old jinx in 2004, and less than three months ago he tasted champagne again when the Cubs won their first World Series in 108 years. He is a lock for Cooperstown sometime later in this century.

When Theo went to the White House Monday — where his Cubs were feted by outgoing president Barack Obama — the leader of the free world suggested Theo might be a good fit to run the Democratic National Committee.
Screw that - I think they're doing just fine!

Anyway - I think this column was half-buried by the Globe because this is the second attempt by Shank to rewrite the history books in the span of a year. It's funny how former members of Boston professional sports teams seem to be rehabilitated once they've left town for a few years and had some measure of success, isn't it? I mentioned a few of Shank's previous columns trashing Theo when he was GM of the Red Sox back in May, and my co-blogger Mike, naturally, has a few more Theo trashing items and Shank's many, many bad calls on trades and player personnel.

The message here - don't believe shit like this from Dan Shaughnessy. He's doing this fore one reason only - to co-write a book with Theo Epstein.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Piling On

Looks like we're not the only ones who noticed Shank's bashing of the NFL commissioner:
Patriots 20, Steelers (+5.5) 17. I can’t decide who I hate more between Roger Goodell and the Pats fans who get to indulge their inner Tough Guy complex because the commish ducked out of going to Foxboro this weekend. HE WON’T SHOW HIS FACKIN’ FACE HERE-AH BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE MESSED WITH THE WRAWNG CITY! It’s not like they would have shot the guy. Your average Pats fan would probably just boo him and then try to throw a beer at him but miss and hit a baby.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

And Now For Some Roger Goodell Bashing!

I'll let the professionals handle this one:
Roger Goodell’s office made it official early Tuesday: The NFL commissioner is electing to attend the NFC Championship game between the Packers and Falcons Sunday at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta.

In today’s corporate-speak, this is what’s known as “bad optics.’’

It looks as though the commissioner is afraid to come to Foxborough.
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What is the big deal, Roger? You are not Salman Rushdie hiding from the followers of the Ayatollah Khomeini. The Wells Report is not “The Satanic Verses.” There is no football fatwa in Patriot Nation. This is a sporting event.