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Saturday, May 27, 2017

Shank Commits Blasphemy

Can't be long mow before Shank gets shitcanned!

Friday, May 26, 2017

It's Over For The Celtics

Shank writes the dirt nap for the 2016-2017 Boston Celtics.
Someday we will look back at this series and wonder exactly how the Celtics won a game and managed to throw a legitimate scare into LeBron James and the World Champion Cavaliers.

Ultimately, this series was men against boys. It was Monstars of Space Jam vs. No Stars of Boston. It was LeBron and Kyrie Irving against Kelly Olynyk and Gerald Green. What a beating.

LeBron and Co. demolished the Celts, 135-102, on Thursday to clinch the Eastern Conference finals, 4-1, to advance to a date with the Warriors in an NBA Finals rubber match that is expected to be one for the ages. It’ll be a seventh straight Finals for LeBron, who has won 13 consecutive close-out games since 2009.
...but not before he backtracks a bit:
The 2016-17 Celtic season goes into the books as a success. Brad Stevens’s fourth campaign yielded a conference-best 53 wins, playoff conquests of the Bulls and Wizards in the first two rounds, and a measure of nobility in the conference finals loss. The Celts played well in two games in Cleveland, managing to come back from a 21-point deficit to win Game 3 and racing to a 16-point lead in Game 4.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LIII



Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Backhanded Compliment

That's how Shank starts out his latest column on the Boston Celtics:
CLEVELAND — The Celtics are in the way. They are the little brother who stays in the TV room yapping all night, clueless that his big sister and her boyfriend would like to be left alone.

NBA America, ESPN, ABC, and the rest of the hoop-watching world can’t wait for the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors to meet in their third consecutive Finals. It’ll be Ali-Frazier III. The Spectacle at the Oracle. The Zoo at the Q. LeBron James vs. Kevin Durant.

But your No-Star Boston Celtics are still in the way. For at least one more game.
And Shank continues the attempt to deceive his reading audience:
Such is the national narrative that fuels the ever-disrespected Celtics, who started the playoff run hearing that they might be the worst No. 1 seed in NBA playoff history.
And they heard that from Shank himself, on multiple occasions:
Are these Celtics the worst No. 1-seed in postseason history, or are they a worthy lot, bound for the conference finals and perhaps capable of stunning the Cleveland Cavaliers and advancing to the NBA Finals?

Monday, May 22, 2017

I Stand Corrected

It looks like Shank did a column after all, and he leads off with a bit of hyperbole:
CLEVELAND — This was impossible.

I can’t believe what I just saw.

The Boston Celtics, on the cusp of what looked like a certain Four-Game Sweep and abject humiliation in the Eastern Conference finals, beat the Cleveland Cavaliers, 111-108, Sunday night on a last-second 3-pointer by Avery Bradley.

That’s way too simple. And there was nothing simple about any of this.

Let’s mention that the Celtics were blown out in the first two games of this series. They lost Game 2 at home by 44 points and were 16-point underdogs for Game 3. They trailed by 21 in the second half . . . And then came the ferocious comeback, capped when Bradley took a nice feed from Marcus Smart and rattled home his game-winner.
Quite the attitude change from his last two Celtics columns, isn't it?

I'll let the first Globe comment sum things up:

Pure chutzpah on your part, Tomato Can Dan. You couldn't throw the dirt on this team fast enough after game 2, and now it's like that never happened. You make politicians look honest.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

The Beatdown Continues - II

Another big loss by the Boston Celtics, another column shitting on those Celtics by Shank.
If you are a citizen of Green Team Nation, you can say it in any language and it still comes out the same.

Je suis Tomato Can.

Ich bin ein Tomato Can.

This is the 1992 Olympics and the Celtics are Angola playing the USA’s Dream Team.

The world champion Cavaliers did it to Boston again Friday, embarrassing the Celtics, 130-86, in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals, to take a 2-0 series lead home to Cleveland. It doesn’t seem to make any difference where the games are played. It feels like Celtics and Cavaliers could play one another until Labor Day and nothing would change. Cleveland is just better. And the Celtics, evidently, are just happy to be here. Game 2 was abject humiliation as the locals fell behind by an unthinkable 72-31 at halftime.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

The Beatdown Continues

The Boston Celtics lost Game 1 of the NBA Eastern Conference finals last night to the Cleveland Cavaliers, 117-104. You bet your ass Shank wrote about it!
What were you expecting? Brian Scalabrine announcing a run for mayor? Free cigar night on the Red Auerbach court? Larry Bird, Robert Parish, and Kevin McHale turning back the clock, walking through that door, and leading the Celtics over the World Champion Cavaliers on the way to Green Banner No. 18?

Sorry.

After winning a pulsating Game 7 vs. Washington on Monday, and hitting the Lottery jackpot Tuesday, the Celtics were throttled by the Cavs, 117-104, in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals on Wednesday night at the Garden. Don’t let the final score fool you. This was a wire-to-wire beatdown. The Celtics trailed by 28 in the third quarter.
Note how gleeful this column reads; that's my big takeaway from it. But wait - it gets better!
We said all along that just getting to the conference finals would make this Boston basketball season a success.
And what were we saying about the team last month?

Then there's this passive - aggressive sentence:
A pregame video on the big board featured clips of national commentators disrespecting the Celtics, suggesting Boston might be the worst No. 1 seed in playoff history.
What were you saying last month, Shank?
Are these Celtics the worst No. 1-seed in postseason history, or are they a worthy lot, bound for the conference finals and perhaps capable of stunning the Cleveland Cavaliers and advancing to the NBA Finals?

I think we know the answer. Today’s Celtics fall in between the two extremes. They are not total frauds reaping the benefits of the Tomato Can NBA East. But nor are they championship driven.
This son of a bitch is absolutely shameless, thinking readers will forget what he wrote a mere month ago.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

If anyone doubts Shank's disdain / hatred for David Ortiz isn't real or doesn't exist, this ought to remove that doubt:
Unfortunately, the audio is on iTunes, which I refuse to use now. It's already installed on my computer, yet every time I go to run one of these links, I'm prompted to re-install iTunes. I simply refuse to run any more crapware than I have to.

Back to our subject - you can tell this is 'irrational hatred', to borrow a phrase, for one reason - most rational people would give a non-native English speaker / writer a break in a matter like this one. Back in college I once had to do an oral exam in German on a subject of my choosing, no cheat sheets. Being the cocky little prick I was back in those days, I chose the subject of my final statistics project, the US dollar / German deutsche mark exchange rate. I wound up having to learn at least fifty new words for this exam, the overwhelming majority of them I know I screwed up. In any event, this lack of respect for the English skills from a non-native English speaker is reprehensible coming from a mamember of the media, who ought to know better.

Take Your Pick

It looks like Shank may have a point after all concerning 'irrational hatred' for Lebron James, or someone's not too happy with our 36th President:

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LII

Sorry, former Boston Globe headquarters - we're just not into you!
Center Court Properties’ deal to acquire the 16.5-acre Boston Globe site in Dorchester for upward of $80 million has fallen through, the Boston Globe reported late Tuesday evening.

The collapsed deal marks the second time a potential buyer of the longtime Boston Globe headquarters has walked away from an acquisition deal. In early 2015, Concord-based Winstanley Enterprises pulled out of an agreement to buy the newspaper company's Dorchester site.
My dream of this building becoming dormitories for UMass-Boston gets another step closer...

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Oh, The Irony

This is one of two things - either Shank is painfully unaware of certain things, or he's just trolling us now:

My vote is for the latter - he's been milking this theme at least once a year for a couple of years now, most likely in response to a few hysterical Sports Hub callers. Stealing themes from this local radio station is also not exactly a news flash. It takes a certain level of gumption for Shank, a black belt in petty vindictiveness and character assassination, to then accuse others of 'irrational hatred' of an athlete on another team. Are we really supposed to rub LeBron's balls in buttermilk every time he makes a trip to the Garden, Shank?

The One Where Shank Pretends To Like The Celtics Again

After writing three successive columns eager to discuss Celtics losses in Games 3, 4 and 6, we are now treated to a column Shank was forced to write, win or lose. Let the Shankisms fly!
Bring on LeBron.

Isaiah Thomas (29 points) is the Baby-Faced Assassin (*), Kelly Olynyk (26) is Dirk Nowitzki, the Celtics have advanced to the Eastern Conference finals and suddenly, in the immortal words of Kevin Garnett . . . anything’s possible.

Maybe the ping-pong balls, for once, will fall Boston’s way Tuesday and the Celts will have the No. 1 selection in the draft for the first time since their top pick yielded Robert Parish and Kevin McHale in the infamous Red Auerbach swap with the Warriors in 1980.

Maybe the Celts can put up a fight against King James and the World Champion Cavs in a best-of-seven that starts Wednesday on Causeway Street. Maybe the Sons of Brad Stevens can make it all the way to the NBA Finals and win banner 18 several years ahead of schedule.
A proforma Shank game recap follows with a few more clich├ęs, with all the quality of a mailed-in column.

One more quote, just for good measure:
With the Bruins done for the spring and the Red Sox staggering out of town, it’s a good time for the Celtics to be playing deep into the playoffs. The hard-fought second-round win over Washington buys at least four more games and maybe a couple more weeks of high-octane basketball. The Celts will be going Nike-to-Nike with LeBron and the whole basketball world will be watching. The 2016-17 Celtics season is hereby deemed a success. Anything good that happens now is just gravy.
Just a guess - there will be some level of backtracking on this proclamation within the next few weeks.

(*) - Someone hung this moniker on Shank himself early in his career at the Globe, as it became apparent that the subject of Shank's columns were more like assassination targets.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

Shank didn't like the pace of today's Red Sox / Rays game (which clocked in at about 4h 20m by my count):


He has a point - this was a tough game to watch. However, when you've spent the overwhelming part of your career trashing & destroying professional athletes, in addition to ignoring the steroid problem in baseball until it was bloody obvious to everybody else, it's nearly impossible to take genuine criticisms seriously.

Papi Don't Preach

Reader Melissa H. sends along a note about David Ortiz's recently released book:
Heh, see the snipe at CHB in the review of David Ortiz's new book? :)
Before we get to that, let's take a peek at the beginning of the column:
The first page of the introduction to “Papi’’ summarizes the significance of David Ortiz, according to David Ortiz. He says he would one day “accumulate more home runs, hits, runs scored, and runs batted in than any DH in history.” Beyond that, “I cursed terrorists and spoke up for freedom without fear.”

Thus runs Ortiz’s freewheeling, insider memoir, written with the help of longtime sports journalist and radio personality Michael Holley. Two warnings: Those who prefer their profanities out of earshot might consider covering their eyes through parts of this book and those looking for a salacious tell-all will be disappointed.
Now, then - what kind of a beta male pansy would get his knickers in a twist over a few F-bombs?
Bill Littlefield hosts NPR’s “Only A Game” on WBUR. His most recent book is “Take Me Out” from Zephyr Press.
Oh, an NPR / WBUR kind of pansy / snob!

Anyway, let's get back to some Shank bashing!
It’s no surprise that Ortiz resents the sportswriters who asked him about performance-enhancing drugs (which he vehemently denies ever using), particularly the Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy, “that [expletive] still walks around like he owns the team.”
There may be more to Papi's criticism of Shank; since this clown Littlefield's writing for the Globe, that's all we'll get for now on any criticism of a Globe employee.

Three Game Streak

That's how many consecutive columns Shank has written after a Celtics loss.
Celtics rookie Tommy Heinsohn scored 37 points with 23 rebounds before fouling out in double overtime of a Game 7 championship win. John Havlicek stole the ball in Game 7. Boston fans chanted “Beat LA” in Game 7. Cedric Maxwell said, “Hop on my back, boys,’’ in Game 7. Larry Bird and Dominique Wilkins had their famous shootout in Game 7. The final game of Bird’s career was a Game 7. And young LeBron James once scored 45 points in a Game 7 loss at the New Garden.

Bill Russell played in 10 Game 7s and won ’em all.

“That’s, I guess, when legends are born,’’ guard Isaiah Thomas said Friday after the Celtics’ Game 6 loss in Washington.
Later in the column, Shank mounts his high horse Shetland pony and blasts the Celtics players for showing up for Friday's game in Washington wearing all black. I suppose that's better fashion sense than Shank ever had.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Political Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Aside from the fact that Richard Nixon never fired an FBI director, this tweet's totally accurate!

Reality Check

What a surprise - another Celtics column by Shank, after they've lost two games in a row!
It’s a war of worlds as we prepare for Celtics-Wizards Game 5 Wednesday night at the Garden.

It’s Planet Green Team vs. Planet Reality.

Planet Green Team vs. Planet Reality is more than Isaiah Thomas vs. John Wall. It’s more than Kelly Olynyk vs. Kelly Oubre Jr. It is a clash of cultures and perceptions. It’s two groups of folks who view the same basketball games and come away with wildly different conclusions.
Here's the DSW reality check - Shank is all but incapable of writing about local professional sports teams, managers and / or ownership groups in a non-disparaging fashion. He's also still stealing material from the Felger & Mazz radio show (the aforementioned reference to the Green Team - originally the 1986 Boston Celtics bench players and now a reference to fans of the Celtics).

Monday, May 08, 2017

Where's Waldo Shaughnessy?

A commenter wonders:
where was this fraud when the celts went up 2-0 he was no where to be found what a fraud
You must be new around here, Anonymous - Shank saves his 'best efforts' for when the local team loses in embarrassing fashion!
WASHINGTON — This is one goofy playoff series.

LeBron James must be very, very confused.

Seriously. Which team do you think LeBron wants to play in the conference finals?

I’m guessing he’d rather play the Celtics than the Wizards. What do you think?

It’s always a mistake, of course, to read too much into your last memory. It was Pat Riley who first said a playoff series doesn’t start until the road team wins a game. Blowouts do not necessarily carry over. But even Tommy Heinsohn will have a hard time putting lipstick on the pig that the Celtics were in their two playoff losses at the Verizon Center.

Familiar Subject Matter - II

When the subject matter involves hate, strife and conflict, Shank bangs out another column which almost seems to write itself.
Hard feelings, hard fouls, and hard-core brawls have been part of our professional sports rivalries for more than a century. Posters of Jason Varitek smashing his catcher’s mitt into Alex Rodriguez’s face adorn half the bars in Boston, and Celtics fans still speak fondly of the day Kevin McHale altered a playoff series with his full-speed clothesline tackle of Lakers forward Kurt Rambis.

New England fans in the last two weeks have seen ballplayers throwing deadly objects at other players’ heads, a bull rush/smackdown on a hardwood court, dust-ups where guys are pulling other guys away from conflict, and a nonstop narrative of “your mother wears army boots.’’

All that, and it’s not even hockey season here in the Hub.
Nice touch, that last one!

Friday, May 05, 2017

Familiar Subject Matter

Shank devotes his latest column, ostensibly about Game 3 of the Boston Celtics / Washington Wizards, to a familiar theme.
Celtics, Wizards bring the hate in Game 3

WASHINGTON — The Celtics and Wizards hate each other almost as much as the Red Sox and Orioles. And they’re going to have to play at least two more times, probably more.

The Wizards blasted the Celtics in more ways than one Thursday night at the Verizon Center. Washington raced to its traditional early big lead, but this time kept going and routed the Green, 116-89, cutting Boston’s series lead to two games to one. The angry rivals meet again Sunday night.

Thursday, May 04, 2017

Passed Ball

The Globe's been messing with Shank's timeline the past couple of days, so I just stumbled upon this column on Orioles manager Buck Showalter.
You think Buck Showalter hates the Red Sox, right?

The Orioles manager never passes on a chance to tweak the globally famous, big-payroll Red Sox. In the spring of 2011, Buck famously said, “ . . . I like whipping their butt.’’ Just last month he mocked the Sox for complaining about the flu (“The Red Sox are the only ones who have it, huh?”), and we remember last weekend when Buck pointedly talked of his own team’s “courage” for not retaliating after the Sox completely botched their attempt to punish Manny Machado for a questionable slide into Dustin Pedroia.
And in typical Shaughnessy fashion, he just needs to point out...
Oh, and let’s not forget late September 2011, when Buck’s last-place Orioles put the cherry on top of the Red Sox’ epic collapse (remember the “greatest team ever?”) which resulted in the departures of Theo Epstein, Terry Francona, Jonathan Papelbon, Tim Wakefield, Jason Varitek, J.D. Drew, Heidi Watney, and ultimately Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez. Those rag-tag Orioles beat the Sox in the final two games at Camden Yards and sent the Sox reeling toward three last-place finishes in four seasons. Tito still grouses about Buck insisting on using the large press room for his postgame media session (“for those three writers still covering the Orioles’’), forcing Francona to face his firing squad in a dank underbelly corridor outside the visitors’ clubhouse.

Tuesday, May 02, 2017

Damn!

See what happens when you wake up late? You miss Shank regurgitating the one column he wrote last week.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Shank On The Sox-Cubs Series

After taking nearly a week off from his last grueling column, Shank gets around to cover this weekend's series at Fenway Park. A decent column, largely bereft of the usual Shank staples of negative remarks, personal attacks and the usual stuff that make his columns unpleasant to read.
Can the Cubs stay here a few more days? If this really is a 2017 World Series preview (a lofty goal for the teetering Local Nine, I’ll admit), the Cracker Jack-eating baseball world should be very happy.

“This is good for the industry,’’ Cubs manager Joe Maddon said Saturday after a 7-4 win over the Red Sox. “This has been playoff-like baseball with two really good teams playing the game properly.’’
...
It’s all true. The series has lived up to its billing. And for two days, all the rage has been sucked out of Fenway.

Strange days, indeed.
Nice to have 'the rage' sucked out of this column, isn't it?

Friday, April 28, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LI

Who knew Boston Globe baseball writers were such ass kissers?


By all means - let's give out a plaque in the Baseball Hall of Fame to somebody for merely writing about baseball. Oh, wait...

Monday, April 24, 2017

Shank Writes A Positive Celtics Column

Enjoy it while it lasts:
CHICAGO — The Celtics thrashed the Bulls yet again Sunday night, this time by a score of 104-95, and now appear in total control of a series that is knotted, 2-2.

What gives, you ask? How could the top-seeded Celtics have looked so bad losing twice at home, then come to Chicago and rout the Bulls early and often in back-to-back games?

The conventional answer, of course, would be the fact that Rajon Rondo broke his right thumb in Game 2 in Boston and was on the bench tripping opponents and being his usual pouty self all weekend. It turns out Rondo is more valuable to the Bulls than Jimmy Butler, Dwyane Wade, or Robin Lopez. Maybe more than Jordan in the old days. Perhaps there’ll be a Rondo statue outside the United Center someday. Clearly, he is The Franchise.
Not too much sarcasm there...

Interesting to note - the last three Shank columns did not have a comments section in any of them. It seems like that's an on-again, off-again Globe policy.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Dignity Restored

That's how Shank described Friday night's win by the Boston Celtics:
CHICAGO — This was so much better. The Celtics did not quit. They weathered the inevitable storm. Marcus Smart didn’t give any fans the finger. The Celts did not play like the worst No. 1 seed in NBA history. They were not frauds.

The Celtics restored their dignity and got back into their first-round series with a gut-check, 104-87 Game 3 victory over the Chicago Bulls on Friday night. That should stop the noise. For a while, anyway.
By which Shank means he will not rip them until their next loss.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Dump Delayed - II

Continuing with that positive, upbeat vibe that is Shank:

Too bad there's really no way to check that sort of thing!

Dump Delayed - I

You knew these were coming sooner or later (1 of 2):

Reader response is as expected:

Odd Column

I was expecting Shank to take a world class dump on the Celtics after losing Game 2 of their first round playoff series. Instead, Shank snipes at the Patriots and President Trump.
WASHINGTON — Of all the weird days in Boston sports over the decades, this might have been the weirdest.

Wednesday afternoon, the Super Bowl champion New England Patriots went to the White House to visit a polarizing president who practically made the team one of his platform planks in the final days of the most stunning election of our time.

Patriots owner Bob Kraft and coach Bill Belichick have made no secret of their respect for and allegiance to President Trump, but several New England players boycotted the White House trip for political or personal reasons. Just a few hours before the team met with Trump in the Oval Office, Tom Brady sent word that he would not make it because of “personal family matters’’ (his ill mother reportedly was visiting him in Boston).

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Old Time Hockey

It's funny how Shank only seems to write Bruins playoff columns after a loss, isn't it?
It was shaping up as a perfect Marathon Monday.

Postcard weather. A seamless 26-mile Boston Strong race with the usual thousands of feel-good/inspirational stories. A third straight win for the Red Sox at Fenway. And finally . . . the Bruins brought the NHL playoffs back to the Garden and recovered from a 3-0 second-period deficit against the Ottawa Senators.

But they could not finish. The Bruins battled back to a 3-3 tie, and gave us some great hockey, only to lose in the sixth minute of overtime on a power-play goal by Bobby Ryan after a cheesy
roughing penalty
on Bruins forward Riley Nash. Garden fans peppered the ice with water bottles to show their disgust with the zebras. Ottawa leads the series, two games to one.

It had been more than 1,000 days since the last Stanley Cup tournament game at the Garden and this is not the way we visualized the Bruins’ return to the playoffs.
I can count the number of this year's Bruins columns by Shank on one hand, and he wants us to buy that load of crap?


Friday, April 14, 2017

Recycled Column Watch

Shank tells his readers what a freaking awesome city Boston is at this time of the year:
No . . . Days . . . Off.

Repeat that nine times. Just like Bill Belichick at the Patriots Super Bowl rally.

No . . . Days . . . Off. That’s the theme around here for Boston sports fans. We have a glut of goodies in front of us in these next two or three weeks.

Just take a look at this upcoming Sunday/Monday. In a 28-hour period starting Sunday night, you can watch the Celtics vs. the Bulls in the playoffs (6:30 p.m. Sunday at the Garden), the Red Sox and the Rays at Fenway (11:05 a.m. Monday), the finish of the 121st Boston Marathon (around 1:10 Monday afternoon on Boylston Street), and the Bruins in Game 3 against Ottawa at the Garden (7 p.m. Monday).
If you think you're read this column before, it's because you did!
Picked-up pieces while waiting for Larry Lucchino to return a phone call . . .

Is your head spinning? The Sox are off and running. The Celtics and Bruins are readying for the playoffs. Tiger is getting ready to wear the red shirt at the Masters. Two Connecticut schools battled for the NCAA hockey championship in Pittsburgh Saturday night. The Red Sox play the major league’s only morning-start game on Monday and our city is peppered with folks from around the world who are here to watch and run in the 117th Boston Marathon.

Celtics vs. Knicks in the first round of the playoffs? Bring it on! This amounts to a marquee matchup in an ever-diluted playoff spring. These staggering Celtics always can get into the heads of the Knicks. Carmelo Anthony is an overrated ball hog who never will win an NBA championship.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

You Aren't What Your Record Says You Are

Leave it to Shank to lay down the negative take on the Boston Celtics grabbing the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference.
Fast forward six decades to the New Garden, where the 53-win, top-seeded Celtics will open the playoffs Sunday against old friend Rajon Rondo and the eighth-seeded Chicago Bulls. So here’s the question: Are these Celtics the worst No. 1-seed in postseason history, or are they a worthy lot, bound for the conference finals and perhaps capable of stunning the Cleveland Cavaliers and advancing to the NBA Finals?

I think we know the answer. Today’s Celtics fall in between the two extremes. They are not total frauds reaping the benefits of the Tomato Can NBA East. But nor are they championship driven.
I think Shank is the kind of guy who can only say something nice to one person - his wife.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Asshole Sports Media

It's always good to plan ahead, isn't it?

Alive And Kicking

Looks like our old pal 'Objective'Bruce is still at it.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

DHL Dan - LIV

Even Shank realizes he can't take a week off without doing something that resembles work, so we're blessed with another Picked Up Pieces column.
Picked-up pieces while trying to decide which of our winter sports teams will play longer into the postseason.

■ It’s been a bad few days for the Celtics. Clearly, the world champion Cleveland Cavaliers are the Celtics’ daddy. The C’s were appropriately spanked Wednesday after the Cavs were informed that a weeknight regular-season game in Boston was some kind of a test of Cleveland’s championship mettle. Thursday night’s subsequent flop in Atlanta was yet another reminder that the Celtics are a long, long way from being championship-caliber.
They have only one scorer and he’s 5 feet 9 inches. They have a thin bench and get outrebounded on a regular basis. Getting to the conference finals with this bunch would be a miracle. Here’s hoping the Green Teamers don’t try to tell us the season is a success if they bow out again in the first round.

■ Granted, I don’t watch a ton of hockey, but I’m pretty sure Patrice Bergeron has never lost a faceoff.
Idiot. That's where I stopped reading this mailed-in shit column.

Monday, April 03, 2017

It's Opening Day

...and Shank is right on it:
History and ubiquitous connections to the past make it special to live in Boston. There’s very little that’s truly new. Almost nothing stands alone as its own entity.

And so it is with the ritual that is the Opening Day of the baseball season here in the Hub of the Universe.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are the Red Sox’ opponent for the franchise’s 117th Opening Day, and this represents only the third time in history that the Pirates have traveled to Boston to play the Sox. The Pirates were here in 1903 for the first World Series and they were here in 2005 for one of these goofy interleague series, which still seem silly and unnecessary. And now the Pirates are here through Thursday to face a Red Sox team that is universally favored to win the American League East for a second straight season.

The Red Sox won 93 games last year, but the season ended badly and quickly when Terry Francona’s Cleveland Indians smoked the Sox in three straight Division Series games. The takeaway from that final week of an otherwise good Red Sox season: In their final nine games, the Sox had eight losses, five David Ortiz celebrations, and an early exit from the tournament.
That's what I like about Shank - always accentuating the positive and looking at the bright side of things!

Sunday, April 02, 2017

If There Wasn't A Losing Team

...Shank would have nothing to tweet about:

Thursday, March 30, 2017

No Imagination Whatsoever

I got into my car yesterday around 11:00 AM to run some errands, and I turn on WEEI. What's Lou Merloni talking about? The Red Sox pitchers and all of their injuries. A few minutes later I switch over to 98.5 The Sports Hub. What's Marc Bertrand talking about? Same thing. Later in the day, what are Felger & Mazz talking about? That's right - same thing.

Imagine my surprise when I checked out Shank's latest column:
FORT MYERS, Fla. — The walls are closing in around Red Sox baseball boss Dave Dombrowski for the first time since he took the job in the summer of 2015.

Pitchers acquired by Dombrowski keep getting hurt. There has been criticism of the club’s shoulder workout program. Dombrowski has been having a few testy exchanges with reporters, and he’s getting heat from some of the nonstop sports talk shows back in Boston. (where he got the idea for this column! - ed.)

Dombrowski has been in big league baseball for 40 years. He has won a World Series and pretty much seen it all. How is he feeling about the Boston baseball experience now that it’s getting a little hot?
Shank does this (listen to local sports talk radio and apes their storylines) often enough that it warrants pointing it out one more time. Even Shank's Twitter timeline (posted yesterday around 2:00 PM) supports this. If you listened to any Boston sports talk radio yesterday, there's no need to read this column.

Monday, March 27, 2017

The Obligatory Hanley Ramirez Column

This time around, the column's not all cookie cutter spring training stuff - Shank gets to discuss Hanley's bad shoulder for the entire column!
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Who’s on first?

Not Hanley Ramirez. Not yet, anyway. But he says he still wants to go back there.

The offseason blueprint for the post-Ortiz Red Sox calls for Ramirez to serve as DH against righthanded starters while lefty-swinging Mitch Moreland plays first base. On days when lefties start (there are a lot of them around), the Sox plan to put Ramirez at first while Chris Young DHs.

Manager John Farrell also hopes to use the southpaw days to spell some of his everyday starters while Ramirez plays first.

Unfortunately, Ramirez says his right shoulder is bothering him when he throws, and he hasn’t raised his hand to play first all spring. The Sox open the season Monday at Fenway Park against the Pirates, and Farrell sounds as though he has all but given up trying Ramirez at first in Florida.
One of the Globe commenters thought Shank was trying to create some controversy, which is entirely expected. With today's column, I didn't get an overwhelming feeling of venom or shitting on Red Sox management / ownership, which are prime attributes of a Shank hatchet job, so I don't think Shank's stirring the pot right now. He'll wait until next week to write that column, the first time Hanley isn't at first base for the first couple of games.

The Obligatory Christian Vazquez Column

As the 2017 Red Sox roster takes shape (and Blake Swihart is being optioned to Pawtucket to start the season, Christian Vazquez looks like he'll be starting, and that makes Shank happy.
FORT MYERS, Fla — Get it over with, Red Sox.

Make Christian Vazquez your everyday catcher.

Roll back the clock to where you were two years ago before Vazquez came up with a bum elbow at spring training.

Vazquez is the best catcher on the team. He’ll hit enough. It’s OK to tell Sandy Leon that you loved what he did for you last year. But why waste time when Vazquez is going to end up being the everyday catcher anyway?

UPDATE, 3/27 AT 8:55 PM - Fixed incorrect first name in the title - whoops...

Sunday, March 26, 2017

The Obligatory Andrew Benintendi Column

That was a tough call predicting 'one player, one column', wasn't it?
FORT MYERS, Fla. — He is taking over left field at Fenway Park — a precious piece of real estate that was patrolled continuously by Hall of Famers Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, and Jim Rice for almost 50 years of the 20th century. He has played all of 34 games in the big leagues and already he is on the cover of Sports Illustrated. He is a consensus pick to be American League Rookie of the Year in 2017.

He is Andrew Benintendi, the Next Big Thing in Boston baseball.

Friday, March 24, 2017

The Obligatory Xander Bogaerts Column

Now that Shank's doing his second Florida go-round, expect him to do what he does every year - focus on one Red Sox player when writing a column.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — He’s still only 24 years old, but we think of him now as almost part of the Fenway furniture. There’s the Green Monster in left, the Citgo sign behind the Monster, Pesky’s Pole in right, and Xander Bogaerts anchoring shortstop for the Boston Red Sox.

Bogaerts and Dustin Pedroia are the only remaining veterans from the 2013 World Series roster, and young Bogey trails only Pedroia in continuous service with this Boston ball club.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Just Wondering

Shank was curious about Clay Buchholz's newborn kid:
Clay Buchholz’s brood just got a little bigger. The former Red Sox right-hander and his wife, Lindsay Clubine, have welcomed their third child. Early Tuesday, Clubine, a former “Deal or No Deal” model, posted the happy news on Instagram with a picture of the whole family in the hospital. “Welcome to the world Jax Daniel Buchholz! You complete us!!” she wrote. Is it just us or does Jax Daniel sound an awful lot like the name of a certain brand of Tennessee whiskey?

Friday, March 17, 2017

DHL Dan - LIII

Continuing his non-interest in writing columns about the Bruins or the Celtics, Shank inflicts on us his second Picked Up Pieces column this month.

First, let's go with a few bold predictions:
■ I don’t know about you, but I’m picking UConn to win the Women’s Final Four. What excitement. What drama. It’s almost like picking the Patriots to win the AFC East.
Way to go out on a limb!

Next, let's do some half-assed team comparisons:
■ Let me ask you this, Celtics fans. You saw them dismantle Minnesota Wednesday, right? Al Horford almost had a triple-double, and the Celtics bolted to a 117-104 win over the 28-39 Wolves. Swell. But which roster (including future draft picks) would you rather have for the next five years?

Give me the Wolves. The Celtics don’t have anyone — nor will they have anyone — with the upside of Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins. It’s not even close.

The Celtics are going to win more than 50 games and are only two games behind the Cavaliers in the East, but their ceiling is significantly lower than that of the T-Wolves. It would be much more fun to build around Towns and Wiggins than around Isaiah Thomas, Marcus Smart, Jaylen Brown, and Danny Ainge’s raft of draft picks.
Since when has Shank ever been about 'fun' things? The Celtics have improved every year under coach Stevens, and Shank claims he'd rather have two 'fun' players than an entire functioning team? Remember that the next time Shank complains about not winning.
■ Still don’t understand the hate for David Price. He won 17 games last season, fourth best in the league. Led the majors in starts (35) and innings (230). Had more strikeouts than any lefty in Red Sox history. His ERA was 3.99. Many highly paid talents have come here and done much less. Let’s not turn him into Carl Crawford or Jack Clark.
Shank has more than contributed his fair share of 'hate' and negativity into the Boston sports media environment, and now he complains about the after effects? What an asshole.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Book It, Done

Shank's pretty sure that the New England Patriots are Super Bowl bound this year:
It’s done. I have purchased my round-trip plane ticket to Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis. I leave on Sunday, Jan. 28, 2018, one week after the Patriots win the AFC Championship game at Gillette Stadium. I’ll be on Delta Flight 2588, Seat 19-D. Delta’s best round-trip fare to the Twin Cities is currently $410.59. That’s nonrefundable with no changes allowed.

No changes? No refunds? No problem. I have never bought an airplane ticket this far in advance, but the Patriots are going to Super Bowl LII, and you should be going, too.

It’s “fire all your guns at once” time in Foxborough. The Patriots are loading up for 2017.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Apathy Noted

A Boston sports columnist who doesn't give a rats ass about college basketball writes a column to complain about Boston's alleged apathy towards college basketball:
There’s an annual three-week party about to start in our country, and back here in Greater Boston, we are pointedly not invited. We might not even watch it on TV. Why bother? It has nothing to do with us.

Selection Sunday is upon us and we are like tobacco-spittin’, old-timey baseball scouts with an unopened invitation to the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference. We are like “The Biggest Loser” contestants being asked to watch a DirecTV video on the making of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

March Madness? It’s March Apathy on our regional sports landscape.
The only time Shank gives a flying fuck about the NCAA basketball tournament is when his alma mater, Holy Cross, is in the tournament. Funny how that works, isn't it?

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

Getting Right On The Story

Reader Walter R. sent me this early in the afternoon:
Should I be impressed/disappointed that it took our hero nearly 3 weeks after the fact for Dan to write the inevtiable Lonborg/Brady skiing story?

Get ready for a whole summer of 1967 references.
And sure enough:
Hey Tom Brady, skiing can be a slippery slope
He does have a firm grasp of the obvious!
By now every Patriots fan has seen Tom Brady’s verified Instagram video of a skier, perhaps Brady, crash landing while attempting a ski jump in Montana a couple of weeks ago. On Instagram, Brady got into a short exchange with David Beckham in which he told the soccer star, “Hahaha yeah all good just my left shoulder which isn’t very important to me anyway.’’

Swell. But spending any part of the offseason in a sling is no way for a Super Bowl MVP to enjoy down time. Here’s a little advice for Brady from Jim Lonborg, the former Red Sox Cy Young ace who blew out his knee on the slopes and was never the same pitcher after his breakthrough 22-win season in 1967:

“It’s OK to ski as long as you don’t get hurt.
You don't say?

Let's skip to the amusing / hypocritical part:

Far be it from me to tell Brady what to do in his free time...
So, he devotes a whole column to it! Think he's still pissed about the Patriots winning the Super Bowl? Don't take it from me - take it from the commenters:

linniel03/08/17 03:08 PM

Notice how he always has to get a dig in at a Patriots.."Brady's PAID Weei gig", was that really necessary!

buttfumble03/08/17 03:17 PM

Danny, do you get paid for your radio gig? Never mind, nobody cares. How's your Super Bowl headache? How bout a vacation in Atlanta to get over it?

MCH823195003/08/17 06:19 PM

Since Shank can trash Trump every day he goes after anything Brady or Pats. This is a real stretch Shamk,!but it keeps your Pats trashing streak alive

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

You Don't Say?

Just doing his thing as a professional sports asshole...

Monday, March 06, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - L

Shank retweeted something from former Boston Globe rumpswab Mike Barnicle, the grandfather of fake news:
Whatever that's supposed to mean. Barnicle also licked the ass of a well known local mobster, Whitey Bulger and falsely claimed he kept the drugs out of Southie. What a sap.

Larry Bird Watch

Shank has resumed following the Boston Celtics this winter - it's just not the current Boston Celtics:
Hop into the way back machine to a simpler time . . . a time when a team won a championship on Tuesday night, then flew to the White House Wednesday morning . . . a time when three star players didn’t make the trip to Pennsylvania Avenue, and hardly anybody noticed.

This happened to your Boston Celtics in the middle of a scalding June in 1984 when Larry Bird was king, Ronald Reagan was president, the Celtics were champions, and a trip to the White House was No Big Deal.

I was there. And in today’s 24/7 culture of social media, hot takes, and political polarization, it’s kind of refreshing to look back at a time when Red’s cigar was just a cigar, and nobody really cared that Bird, Robert Parish, and Cedric Maxwell skipped the trip to the White House.
That's because it wasn't due to political theater:
“Apparently the invitation (to the White House - ed.) had been made a day or two earlier to the Lakers that if they won they’d be going to the White House, but nobody bothered to mention it to us,’’ recalled Volk. “I scrambled to get flights [Eastern Airlines, flight 375] and we prepared a memo that we hoped to use if we won.’’

Saturday, March 04, 2017

DHL Dan - LII

It's been nearly a week since Shank returned from the Red Sox spring training. Interest in the Celtics and the Bruins seems to be lacking for some reason, which means we get a Picked Up Pieces column! It's like that lump of dogshit you step in when you're raking the backyard...
Picked-up pieces from Houston, Fort Myers, and everywhere in between . . .

■ Boston College is looking for an athletic director in the wake of the failed five-year regime of Brad Bates, who was never a good fit for the job.
That's an interesting observation - as far as I can tell, Shank wrote about him once, never discussing his 'fit'ness for the job. The rest of that section reeks of someone else writing it, or Shank got someone to spoon feed it to him. He doesn't give a flying fuck about Boston College or college sports in general, unless it's to shit on John Calipari or Rick Pitino, the Great Destroyer of the Celtics.

I can't be bothered with the rest of it; I'll just pick two things out:
■ I still say the Celtics should have emptied the vault for DeMarcus Cousins. At the time of the Cousins trade to the Pelicans, he was averaging 27.8 points, 10.7 rebounds, and 4.8 assists per game. According to Basketball-Reference.com, the only NBA players with similar numbers over a full season are Oscar Robertson, Larry Bird, Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
I don't necessarily have a problem with a player who's a 'head case'; I would have a problem with someone who's a proven locker room cancer, like Cousins is or Terrell Owens was. It's not just inept ownership in Sacramento that has left the Kings as a basket case of a franchise.

Your laugh of the day:

■ Margot Robbie, a stunning beauty who starred in “The Wolf of Wall Street,” has been selected to play Tonya Harding in a biopic about the former Olympic skater. This would be like casting Brad Pitt to star in “The Dan Shaughnessy Story.’’
No need to put it on film, Danny Boy - I can do it in one sentence. Shank is a petty, vindictive and bitter sports writer.


The End.

Friday, March 03, 2017

There Goes Shank's Next Ten Columns

It looks like Curt Schilling is yielding the fight against the fake Indian Senator Elizabeth Warren after giving the heads up to V.A Shiva Ayyadurai, the Cambridge / Belmont software guy who claims to have invented e-mail.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Shank's Getting Bored Already

That's the feeling that comes across as Shank writes his annual column on Carl Yastrzemski .
FORT MYERS, Fla. — His photo was on the cover of the Globe Magazine last Sunday — a 28-year-old Carl Yastrzemski chomping on a cigar, his head swathed in shaving cream, a throng of news photographers and cameramen following his every move.

It was the best of all the days in the best of all the seasons. It was Oct. 1, 1967, a Sunday afternoon, the final day of an epic regular season, and the Red Sox had just learned via their clubhouse radio that the California Angels had defeated the Detroit Tigers in Tiger Stadium, delivering the Boston Red Sox to their first World Series in 21 years.

“I think that was the best moment,’’ Yaz said last week in a telephone interview. “It was Sunday and we were behind and we rallied. That was a big thing. [Jim] Lonborg beating the bunt out. We were going up against a great pitcher in Dean Chance.’’
I'm sure you've read parts of this column before.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Promise Broken, Again

Dan Shaughnessy, October 25, 2015:
I promise never to rip Sandoval for being out of shape or going on the disabled list.
Dan Shaughnessy, earlier this afternoon:
FORT MYERS, Fla. — It was good to see Pablo Sandoval playing baseball again Thursday afternoon. The slimmed-down Kung Fu Panda started at third base against the Northeastern Huskies,
...
The last time we saw the Panda in action was last April, when his belt succumbed to his swollen gut and literally exploded in mid-swing at the Rogers Centre in Toronto.
...
The Panda has been a punch line around here for the better part of two seasons.
...
No. Nothing like that. We watched the Panda’s BMI rise while his OPS fell.
...
In the wake of a second straight last-place finish by the Red Sox in 2015, Sandoval and Hanley Ramirez became Boston baseball’s Pinata Twins — blamed for everything that was wrong with the team. (blamed by...whom? - ed.)
...
He showed up looking out of shape, and no one believed the Sox when they insisted he had only 17 percent body fat (“Did they say 70 percent?” we wondered).
...
We know he’s on a low-carb regimen and he dropped a few lbs. by riding his mountain bike to the park and doing some boxing in the offseason. He says he has something to prove. He says his shoulder is healed. He says he’s OK again from the right side. (surely not trying to create doubt here, right? - ed.)
...
Sandoval played three grueling innings against Northeastern.
Much like Shank's daily grueling one mile run!

Surprise, Surprise

What is this - an actual baseball story by Shank?
FORT MYERS, Fla. — There don’t seem to be any openings in the Red Sox starting lineup. The outfield is flush with young stars, Hanley Ramirez is going to be the designated hitter, and the infield is set with Mitch Moreland and Pablo Sandoval anchoring the corners. Despite what the Sox may say, there is virtually no competition for jobs.

Except behind the plate. Watch out for Christian Vazquez.

Vazquez lost the job to Sandy Leon last season. He tried to come back from Tommy John surgery too soon, struggled behind the plate, hit only .227 in 57 games, and was sent back to the minors. Leon, perceived as a journeyman even though he’s only a year older than Vazquez, had a career year, hitting .310 with 7 homers and 35 RBIs in 78 games. Vazquez played in only six games for Boston after July 2.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Remembering His Good Buddy Pedro Martinez

Hey, Pedro - remember when I called you a diva when I was running you out of town, then continued to talk shit about you later on?

We're good now, right?

Your pal, Shank
FORT MYERS, Fla. — He is Red Sox royalty, a Hall of Fame talent who already had won a Cy Young Award when he first came to the Red Sox from the small market of Montreal in 1998.

The buzz these days is that it takes a year for a star pitcher to acclimate to Boston — Josh Beckett, Rick Porcello, and David Price all come to mind — but it didn’t take long for Pedro Martinez. He was great at Fenway, right from the start.
Then Pedro says...
He signed autographs for 45 minutes after the session, then took a few minutes to talk about what it’s like for an ace pitcher (this means you, Chris Sale) to introduce himself to the Boston baseball market.

“I think it’s having to restart your mind,’’ said Pedro, cradling a baseball in his right hand. “For a guy like Price, he pitched in Tampa, where it is quiet and not a lot of attention. It was the same for me in Montreal. It took me almost a year to finally settle in and finally understand what to expect and what I wanted to do.
You were saying, Shank?

Trying To Create Doubt - III

Shank's still hoping for Armageddon at Fort Myers for the Red Sox this spring:
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Red Sox players sat still for a 30-minute media training session before their workouts Saturday morning at Fenway South. The tutorial was hardly necessary. Most of these young guys know how to present themselves to fans, and how to work with the no-longer-carnivorous Boston baseball media. (my bullshit meter just broke! - ed.)

Seriously. The 2017 Red Sox have a raft of homegrown young stars who are polite, cooperative, and careful with their words. If you are a baseball fan, you see the sound bites on TV every night during the regular season. Mookie Betts, Xander Bogaerts, Jackie Bradley Jr., Andrew Benintendi, and the rest of them all sound as if they majored in public relations.

“I think individually we all grew up the right way,’’ said Bogaerts, an Aruba native who first came to the big leagues when he was 20 in 2013. “The Red Sox are one of the top organizations in the game and you’ve got to bring that with you. You can’t be disrespectful or impolite; that just doesn’t fly around here.
Read the rest of the column that harkens back to the old days when the Red Sox and local media were more, shall we say, carnivorous.

And the big finish:
True. Call me a dreamer, but with Chris Sale, Pablo Sandoval, and Hanley Ramirez in the fold, I’m hoping there’s still a chance for some old-fashioned clubhouse chaos here in Camp Tranquility.
He wants chaos so he can rip any player or member of management / ownership who contribute to it. Little wonder trust in the media is at or near all-time lows.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Trying To Create Doubt - II

Alternative title - Another Colum About Nothing, a continuing series.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — The glow from Super Bowl LI will never dim. Snowflakes aside, our region has been in a good mood almost every hour for the past two weeks. Folks are still agog about the Patriots’ dramatic comeback, and they watch their DVR-preserved copy over and over, like teenagers playing a loop of a favorite song.

All of which has me wondering about the official passing of the Boston sports torch.

Have we really become a football town more than we are a baseball town?
...
Yes, we are a football town, but it turns out baseball is not dead. This point was hammered home last week when the Globe conducted an online poll asking readers, “What is the greatest story in Boston sports history: the 2004 Red Sox or the 2016 Patriots?’’

More than 5,000 readers responded in a 24-hour period, and the ’04 Sox bagged 73 percent of the vote.
A couple of things here - a) Boston Globe 'readers' taking a poll and responding in a single day do not in any way represent a large enough sample of New England sports fans to draw this conclusion, and b) responding to 'the greatest sports story in Boston sports history' likewise does not necessarily translate to whether Boston is a Patriots or Red Sox town. This isn't the first time Shank has pulled this false / bogus premise and passes it off as a column.

I bet he's hoping Pablo Sandoval puts on 20 pounds over the weekend eating at Chinese and Golden Corral buffets so he can write on, you know, actual baseball things.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Trying To Create Doubt

Smooth sailing for the 2017 Boston Red Sox? Leave it to Shank to take care of that.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Accompanied by club chairman Tom Werner, Red Sox owner John Henry endured his annual “state of the team” press conference at Fenway South Friday morning.

It was positively positive. And dull. Nothing the owner said will change the nap-time narrative of this Red Sox camp. JetBlue Park in 2017 is Tranquility Base. Henry and Werner love it that way.

Me? I miss the bad old days when there was a little hunger, restlessness, and indecision at the top.
Hence the reason for this column.
This week last year, Henry came to Fort Myers and told us, “I was shocked at how bad we were last year . . . We were wrong about everything.’’

In that same session, the owner — the man who hired Bill James and became a billionaire with the help of numbers — also dropped the bomb that the Sox were “overly reliant” on analytics.
News Flash - Shank still hates numbers!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Stick To Sports

Shank's trying to make a political joke here:

Readers give him the business:

Great question...


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

The Obligatory First Red Sox Spring Training Column

Yes, indeed - Shank abandons his family and leaves them alone with the shoveling chores in the middle of winter and beats his pasty white ass down to the confines of sunny Florida to give us his first Red Sox spring training report.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Josh Beckett, David Price.
Who are 'Red Sox pitchers that Dan Shaughnessy ran out of town', Alex?
In the last two decades, the Red Sox have acquired several established All-Star pitchers, some with championship rings, some with Cy Young hardware, all with hard-earned reputations and maybe a little baggage.

Now it’s Chris Sale. He’s the new ace in town. And he comes to us with a four-seam fastball, a filthy slider, and a big bowl of badass.
Despite Shank's bravado, the rest of the column is worth reading, especially for any of you going through football withdrawal.

When Sports And Politics Collide

Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. In this case, Shank stirs the pot by calling out not the players boycotting the White House visit, but those in the Patriots organization who support Donald Trump.
These empty-calorie ceremonies have traditionally taken place in the White House’s Rose Garden. That’s fitting because the Patriots’ support of Trump has become a thorny issue.
It's only a thorny issue for the reporters covering the Patriots, because they're all fucking Democrats.
The Patriots made history in Super Bowl LI, but some feel they’re on the wrong side of it with their coziness with Trump.
And one of these 'some feel' people is Dan Shaughnessy. Gotta love the use of the passive voice...
The Patriots don’t have to stiff-arm the president, but they would be wise to at least start distancing themselves from some of his polarizing policies..
This has to be the most bogus charge, making a politician's supporters speak out on every damned policy. Do you recall reporters shoving a microphone in a Democrat's face every time John Kerry or Joe Biden said something galactically stupid? Me neither.

Oh, one more thing - remember that time Shank's wife tried donating some money to Nikki Tsongas from a joint checking account? Shank didn't have anything to say about that, yet he now expects the Trump supporters in the Patriots organization (all of three the last I checked) to 'start distancing themselves from some of his polarizing policies'? Funny how that works when the shoe's on the other foot, isn't it, Shank?

This is classic Shank - making a mountain out a molehill.

UPDATE AT 2:25 PM - See what I mean? This USA Today reporter put words in Tom Brady's mouth / deliberately misquoted him to get a clickbait headline. And people wonder why the media is nearly universally hated?

Monday, February 13, 2017

Delusional Dan

The Boston Bruins have won three games in a row after shitcanning Claude Julien six days ago, including a satisfying 4-0 shutout over the Montreal Canadiens last night. Shank manages to talk himself into a ludicrous comparison. Either he's delusional, or he's trying to get a rise out of Bruins fans. Here's his third tweet (yes, the third) of the season on the Bruins (because he's really into hockey):
My buddy John (who would put Kevin Paul Dupont to shame on hockey knowledge if he was writing a column about hockey) sends me this:
If the pooh bear lemmings think a new coach cures the lower lines, defense & backup goaltending, I have some kool aid.
Shank gets some other reminders as well:


Friday, February 10, 2017

Dan Shaughnessy, Attention Whore

Poor Danny Boy - someone's mad at him!

A few people commented on Shank's arrogance:


For what it's worth, I met Cam at a comedy club on Warrenton Street many moons ago, just after he retired. I shook his hand; he damn near crushed it. Human vise-grip! If I was Shank, I'd be avoiding the Garden for a while.

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Fake Outrage?

Now that the Patriots' run is over, Shank is forced to turn his attention elsewhere. In his first (yes, first) column on the Bruins of the season (their season's already past the halfway point), Shank takes issue with the timing of Claude Julien's firing.
The Bruins should never be forgiven for the stunt they pulled Tuesday morning: They fired coach Claude Julien on the morning of the Patriots Super Bowl victory parade through the streets of Boston.

This goes beyond weak, beyond cowardly. It’s disrespectful to the winningest coach in franchise history — a guy who has been on the job for 10 years — and it’s an insult to the great sports/hockey fans of Boston.

The timing stinks. We all knew it was time for Claude to go. The Bruins should have fired him at the end of the 2015 season. Or at the end of the 2016 season. Or last week at the All-Star break.
After reading the comments to Shank's column, I seem to be the only one who doesn't care about the timing of this move.

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Two Shaughnessys In One

Shank, two and a half weeks ago:

Shank, four hours ago:
So, is Shank now fine with the firing, but not cool with the timing? Seems to me the timing doesn't matter much and is likely a function on securing a new coach before you go ahead and fire the current coach. Anyway, if you're looking for a bit more IQ behind the firing (not a high bar to clear with Shank), check out this Deadspin article.

Monday, February 06, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XLIX

The Globe jumped the gun on last night's game for their early edition newspaper. Whoops!

Shank's Post Super Bowl Column - II

And now for Useless Argument Time, by Dan Shaughnessy.
Your answer might depend on how the question is framed. So let’s agree that we won’t argue greatest “moment” — such as Bobby Orr flying through the air in 1970, Carlton Fisk clanging one off the foul pole in 1975, Ted Williams saying goodbye in 1999, or Malcolm Butler intercepting at the goal line in 2015.

And let’s not compare all the championships. This doesn’t have to be Patriots 2016 vs. Red Sox 2013 vs. Larry beating Magic in the 1984 Finals vs. the Big Bad Bruins sweeping the Blues in 1970.

No. This little exercise will pose this question and this question only: What is the greatest Boston sports story of all time?
I'll just note one instance of passive-aggressive behavior by Shank:
It boggles the mind to think about all that went into this. The Patriots were branded as cheaters.
Yes, they were - branded by none other than Shank himself.

Shank's Post Super Bowl Column - I

I guarantee you that a much different Shaughnessy column was being written at halftime, ready to take the world's biggest shit on the Patriots organization. Instead, we get this column, after an epic Patriots comeback.
HOUSTON — It will take weeks, months, maybe years to fully absorb this one, but given all the layers of drama, emotion, and improbability, the Patriots’ 34-28 overtime victory over the Atlanta Falcons Sunday night might very well be the greatest moment in Boston sports history.

And that, folks, is saying something.

Super Bowl LI at massive NRG Stadium was supposed to be all about revenge and a Roger Goodell trophy moment, but it wound up being the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history and a victory against which all others — in every sport — will forever be measured.
A boring column, actually - most of it is the standard game recap. That's what happens when you're forced to scrap the one you were writing at halftime.

Sunday, February 05, 2017

The Obligatory Super Bowl Day Column

Here it is, folks:
HOUSTON — Tonight the Patriots settle all family business.

This certainly is New England’s game plan as the Patriots take on the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl LI at NRG Stadium.

Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and Bob Kraft have been to six previous Super Bowls, but have never carried this much history or emotion into the ultimate game — not even when they tried to complete a perfect season against the New York Giants in February 2008.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say Shank just updated this column from a few weeks ago.

Programming note - No game updates to cover Shank's stupid coin toss tweets, etc., as I'm at a buddy's house watching the game. Go Patriots!

Saturday, February 04, 2017

Old Dog, Old Tricks

Despite the Patriots being a mere three point favorite and the line not moving at all for the past two weeks, Shank has to belittle the Atlanta Falcons one more time:

Reaction is pretty much what you'd expect:






Friday, February 03, 2017

Captain Obvious To The Rescue

"Hmmm... I need to bang out a column soon... I got it - I'll do a column on Scott Pioli! New England connection, here I come!"
With deep New England ties, Scott Pioli is on the other side in this one

HOUSTON — Scott Pioli is in an awkward and delicate position.

He can handle it. Pioli asked Bill Parcells for his daughter’s hand in marriage at the same time Pioli was working for Bill Belichick. When you have pledged lifetime loyalty at the foot of the Tuna — while working for the Hoodie — you know how to handle awkward situations.

Pioli helped build the New England Patriots football dynasty. He was in charge of New England’s draft when the Patriots selected Tom Brady in 2000.
It turns out to be a decent column, with plenty of Pioli history and background.

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Trolling Effort Noticed - II

A few days ago, Atlanta sports blog 'Blogging Dirty' picked up on Shank's Falcons troll from last week:
We expected the Atlanta Falcons to get little respect from the New England media, but the Boston Globe just insulted the entire city of Atlanta.

The Atlanta Falcons are receiving very little credit from the New England media. This surprises no one within Falcons Nation as we’re aware the team was completely overlooked for all of 2016. We expected overconfidence from those within Patriots territory, but what the Boston Globe published on Monday crossed the line.

What I’m talking about is Dan Shaughnessy’s recent piece of work titled: “It’s hard to get pumped up about a Super Bowl against Atlanta”.
Here's where they (actually, author John Follett) cut loose on Shank:
Shaughnessy Doesn’t Know Football, Much Less the Falcons

Dan Shaughnessy hasn’t paid attention to a single down of Atlanta Falcons’ football this season. He has no idea the offensive weapons the Falcons have, nor a clue how the Patriots can match up against each. Shaughnessy is also oblivious to the Atlanta defense’s road to Super Bowl 51 that included knocking Drew Brees, Russell Wilson, and Aaron Rodgers out of their respective comfort zones.

Not a single ounce of actual football analysis was published by Shaughnessy on Monday. As far as he’s concerned, the Patriots will win Super Bowl 51 simply because the city of Boston has been a winner. It’s not shocking as Shaughnessy knows very little about the game. This much is obvious considering he took a Super Bowl headline and attempted to support it with a lot of basketball talk.

Shaughnessy’s article turns into a nice little history about the rich and prosperous Boston sports scene that predates Larry Bird. He dared to compare the Boston sports market to that of Atlanta, but not without insulting the city of Atlanta in the process.
Congratulations, Atlanta - you got Shanked!

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Big Steaming Heap Of Bullshit

There are multiple angles to take with this latest Shank column, so I think I need to give this one an old fashioned Fisking.
HOUSTON — NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was at it again Wednesday. The man is a master of passive aggression and manipulation. If his ginger hair were on fire, he would calmly tell you that he is not warm.
Shank is also a master of passive-aggressive behavior; he's spent the past two years attacking and criticizing the Patriots and Tom Brady on the issue of Deflategate in particular and is now about to change his tune because it suits him, and he has cover from other Boston area media. He has done the same with the Patriots for over two decades, criticizing them at every turn, then pretending to support them whenever they made serious playoff runs. These two sons of bitches ought to be exchanging notes.
Roger Dodger (never heard that one before! - ed.) held his annual Super Bowl media session Wednesday at the Houston Convention Center. We will not bore you with anything Goodell said about the Chargers’ move to Los Angeles, the Raiders’ move to Las Vegas, “Thursday Night Football,” or NFL games in London.
I'm thankful for small favors - let's get ready to rumble!!!
All we care about is Deflategate, and Goodell allowed five Deflategate queries during his 45 minutes at the podium.

Give him credit for taking some bullets. The typical NFL method is to deny the obvious and censor all dissent. In a room with hundreds of hungry reporters, it would have been easy for Goodell to rig the session and make sure he took no questions from New England. He did not do this.
Bear in mind that Shank was quite pleased with this investigation and its eventual outcome, with Shank concluding that Tom Brady and the Patriots are lying cheating bastards as he scolded the entire Patriots Nation.
The Globe’s Ben Volin was first up, and he told the Commish that Bob Kraft (who was sitting in the front row with Jonathan) is still going around telling folks that Goodell got bad Deflategate advice from folks in the league office.

Goodell quickly dismissed that with, “We had a violation. We went through a process. We applied the discipline in accordance with our process. It was litigated, as you know, extensively and validated by the Second Circuit Court of Appeals, so we’re moving on.’’
What Goodell doesn't mention is the transmogrification of this case from an equipment violation to a 'conduct detrimental' matter in order to impose the four game suspension on Brady.
Moving on? Not bloody likely. The Patriots and their fans are not moving on. In this spirit, we went at the Commish with both barrels. We fired all the muskets at once. This was no time for decorum.
Need I remind anybody about Shank's passive-aggressive behavior?
“Tom Brady Sr. was highly critical and personally insulting toward you last week,’’ I reminded the commissioner. “You’ve not been in Foxborough for two years since the Deflategate investigation. Your explanation strains all credibility — that you needed to be in Atlanta two weeks in a row.

“It appears you were avoiding Foxborough. The Patriots are here in this game . . . it feels like there is still a war between the Patriots and their fans and you. How would you characterize the situation, and is it not awkward?”

“I would say that it is not awkward at all for me,’’ started Goodell (nose growing). “We have a job to do. We do our job when there is a violation. We apply the process and discipline and we came to a conclusion that was supported by the courts.
This is simply astounding - Shank used Deflategate to beat the ever loving shit out of the Patriots and Tom Brady for two years, and this line of questioning was conspicuously absent from the many, many colums he devoted to the subject. I'll call it breathtaking hypocrisy; pure fucking theater.
“So from our standpoint, we understand that fans who are loyal and passionate for a team object and don’t like the outcome. I totally understand that. And I was in Boston two seasons ago for two consecutive playoff games, the same way I was in Atlanta this year. That happens.

“So from our standpoint, this is just about making sure we take care of business and do it in a way that is right and upholding the integrity of all of our teams and our rules for all 32 teams.”

“So you’re not avoiding Foxborough?’’ I yelled. “You would come back there, if they win, for the flag raising?”

“If I’m invited back to Foxborough, I’ll come,’’ he answered.
How many of you are buying that?
Intrepid Bert Breer of MMQB tried to clarify that comment a few minutes later and asked, “To the best of your knowledge, over the last month have you been welcome in Foxborough . . . by the team?”

“I have no doubt that if I wanted to come up to a Patriots game and I asked Mr. Kraft, he would welcome me back,’’ said Goodell. “That’s up to him, though.’’

Breer followed up by asking Goodell how his relationship with the team has changed over the last two years.

“Listen, we had a disagreement about what occurred,’’ said Goodell, sounding a little sick of the topic. “We have been very transparent about what we think the violation was. We went through a lengthy process.
Being sick of the topic seems like the right response when your position is untenable or the matter just comes up too many times for your liking. Maybe it's a variant of the old saw - 'Have you stopped beating your wife?'
“We disagree about that, but I continue to respect and admire Robert, Jonathan, the entire organization. They are an extraordinary organization and they are extraordinary people in my view, so I have a very deep and close relationship to them.

“I’m not afraid of disagreement. I don’t think disagreement leads to distrust or hatred. It’s a disagreement . . . That’s what it is. It’s not personal hatred, which I know people like to make it, but for us it’s about making sure we do what’s right for the league, long-term.’’

When Kelly Sullivan of WPRI in Providence asked Goodell if he’d talked to Brady this year, the commissioner said he does not disclose conversations he may or may not have had with players.
I'll go with 'No, I did not talk with Tom Brady...'

Now, with more explosions!
Tom Curran of CSNNE fired this salvo: “From the players in the league, to fan bases in San Diego, St. Louis, New England, there seems to be an erosion of public trust in you and your office. Do you acknowledge that, and is there any way that you would go about repairing that if you would even seek to do so?’’

This produced a tower of Goodellspeak.

“The thing you have to always do, every day, is earn that trust, earn that credibility by how you act and how you do things,” he said. “Be transparent and make sure people understand the decisions you make.’’

There were many more words, but no true meaning.

The commissioner is not transparent. Fans do not understand the decisions he’s made.

And despite what Roger Dodger says, this is really awkward.
You might call it a big bowl of awkward, to borrow a phrase from the Shankster.