To the End, He Won't 'Manning' Up

Consider: A high-priced, aging athlete ...

1. Consistently chokes in the biggest games of his career
2. Racks up major stats in garbage time
3. Is sued not once, but twice for sexual harassment -- and pays out both times
4. Receives banned performance-enhancing substances at his house in his wife's name

No, I'm not talking about Roger Clemens, aka "The Texas Con Man." Rather, it's Peyton Manning, whom one Dan Shaughnessy cannot quite understand why Boston fans are less than enamored with.


Consider: The CHB loves to ridicule players who fail at the least opportune time, and rarely misses a chance to remind fans of it, even years later.

Consider: The CHB mocks teams that do well when the pressure is "off."

Consider: The CHB disparages athletes accused of crimes against the fairer sex.

Consider: The CHB to this day insinuates that David Ortiz took PEDs, and refuses to bestow Hall of Fame votes for other players whom he thinks must have been users.

So why does The CHB not get why Boston doesn't think much of the hyper-inflated reputation that is Peyton Manning? And why, on the day of his retirement and in the midst of blowing one last wet kiss Manning's way, would The CHB take the opportunity to trash the Patriots and their fans?

Because when you have no facility for insight, and no ability for communicating, this is the best you can do.

'Papi-ng' Off over Ortiz Retirement

In feting -- if one can call it that -- David Ortiz, who announced his retirement this week, The CHB falls back on a well-worn (worn out?) cliche of who belongs on the Boston Mt. Rushmore.

His picks: Bill Russell, Bobby Orr, Ted Williams and Tom Brady. Obvious choices, and hardly novel, given that the same path was taken in the Boston Herald in February. Usually The CHB does a better job of hiding his source material.

Attentive readers might recall a couple months after the Herald column, Boston.com ran a similar survey, limiting choices to Red Sox players. That one spurred The CHB to call such parlor games "contrived."

He has a point: This is an age-old conversation starter. Going back to 2009, for instance, ESPN had Williams, Brady, Orr and Red Auerbach.

But as always, Shank is his own worst enemy. Indeed, he has been yammering on about the Boston Mount since at least since 2004, when following the Patriots' second Super Bowl win he imagined Tom Brady's visage carved in place along with Williams, Bill Russell, Orr, and Larry Bird. (That's five busts, for those who are counting.)

A year later he reiterated those choices while extolling the virtues of one Adam Vinatieri (remember him?).

By 2011, we were back to four, with Larry Legend having been supplanted, at least in Shank's mind.

Indeed, this is one of his favorite topics, next to ragging on Dominican divas (a label he once again sticks to Ortiz, as if running around on two damaged knees and standing in against 100 mph heaters somehow makes you a wimp) and inserting Larry Bird references into columns where they have no business being.

Like this one.