Trouble In Paradise?

With the speculation that new acquisition Alex Bregman might play at third base for the Red Sox, let's see how the current third basement feels about it:

Does Rafael Devers have any interest in becoming the Red Sox’ full-time DH? ‘No!’

FORT MYERS, Fla. — We have a legitimate Red Sox spring training controversy. Just like in the good old days of Roger Clemens and Oil Can Boyd.

The Sox want third baseman Rafael Devers to become a designated hitter to make room for prize free agent acquisition Alex Bregman, who’s been a Gold Glove third baseman for the Astros.

And Devers has one word for them . . .

“No.”

Monday at JetBlue Park was one of the wilder spring training days in club history. That’s no small statement for a franchise that gave us general manager Lou Gorman saying, “The sun will rise, the sun will set, and I’ll have lunch,” when MVP Clemens stormed out of camp over a contract squabble . . . or when Oil Can was nearly arrested for overdue adult videos in Winter Haven — an episode that came to be known as “The Can’s Film Festival.”

I'm sure this one will be as good as some of those other ones but as far as a funny name, nothing's topping “The Can’s Film Festival” !

Alex Bregman's Introductory Press Conference

The newest memeber of the Red Sox held a press conference yesterday, and Shank was there to cover it (with a lot of other reporters):

All smiles at Alex Bregman’s Red Sox introduction, even if the feel-good story has flaws

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Everyone said all the right things Sunday morning at JetBlue Park when the Red Sox finally rolled out their new acquisition, $40 million per year man Alex Bregman.

Side-by-side, the Sox presented Bregman’s agent Scott Boras, Bregman himself, Red Sox chief baseball officer Craig Breslow, manager Alex Cora, and team president/mouthpiece Sam Kennedy.

It was so big that NESN delivered it live to snow-bound New Englanders at 8:30 a.m. (must have killed NESN to cut away from “The Mad Fisherman”).

This was so big a number of Sox stars gathered at the back of the tent to listen to their new teammate/leader (not Rafael Devers, who was seen walking by the group, presumably to get to his car).

This was so big we had actual national baseball reporters from ESPN and USA Today present, a first for a team that has faded from relevance since trading Mookie Betts and pivoting to fiscal responsibility five long years ago.

Emphasis on that last point, as it seems even the national reporters are interested in the team again.

A Step In The Right Direction

The Boston Red Sox suddenly got a bit more interesting, haven't they?

In signing Alex Bregman, the Red Sox finally did what they said they would — and it changes everything

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Everything is different now. Red Sox Nation’s long nightmare appears to be over. The Local Nine is back in business, spending money just like the old days and trying to win this year.

Life changed for Sox fans late Wednesday when news broke that Boston signed veteran Houston third baseman Alex Bregman to a three-year, $120 million deal.

After a couple of tight-fisted offseasons peppered with broken promises and faux pledges about “urgency,” this was a move Red Sox fans were waiting for. Bregman is a two-time World Series winner, a legitimate clubhouse leader, and a Fenway Park wrecking ball (.375 lifetime).

Anybody have a recording of the late John Kiley playing the “Hallelujah Chorus” on the Fenway Park organ?

Oh, happy day! Red Sox owner John Henry (who also owns the Globe) once again has paid big bucks for the best available righthanded hitter on the market.

Shank's being nice / non-critical of the his boss, the Red Sox owner? Someome's annual review must be right around the corner...

Red Sox Report - Roman Anthony

He's only been down there a few days and it's silly season already:

Roman Anthony has rocketed through the Red Sox farm system. Are the major leagues the next stop?

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Even his name is perfect.

Roman Anthony.

How can a kid miss with a name like that?

It rolls off the tongue and onto your scorecard like Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Clint Hurdle, Bombo Rivera, Oil Can Boyd or Roy Hobbs.

The name is regal. Almost fictional. Too good to be true.

Just like the young Red Sox outfielder himself. Twenty-year-old Red Sox phenom Roman Anthony.

Welcome to Boston baseball’s spring training, 2025, where the frugal, suddenly middle-market Red Sox sell the future instead of their dismal, recent past. After some jackpot years picking high in the draft (finishing in last place has its benefits) fruits of Boston’s farm system are maturing and JetBluePark fans this spring will feast on a regular diet of 22-year-old second baseman Kristian Campbell, 22-year-old shortstop Marcelo Mayer, and last year’s No. 1-ranked prospect in all of baseball, Roman Anthony.

I think it's way too early for Shank to compare this kid to names like that, but we'll see.

Live, From Fort Myers

I think I know one reason why Shank goes to nearly every Red Sox spring training:

Spring training is here. Did Craig Breslow follow through on the Red Sox' offseason promises to fans?

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Forty-four-year-old Craig Breslow, the chief baseball officer of the Red Sox, may be the smartest man in baseball.

Here’s what it says about him in the Red Sox media guide:

“Breslow graduated in 2002 from Yale University with a degree in molecular biophysics and biochemistry. He was named the ‘Smartest Man in Baseball’ by the Wall Street Journal in 2009, and in 2010 he ranked No. 1 on The Sporting News list of ‘Top 20 Smartest Athletes.‘ ”

Boston’s baseball boss has fortified his cerebral image with some spellbinding statements in his 18 months on the job. My personal favorite came when the Sox were struggling last summer — playing defense like guys wearing shoes on their hands — and Breslow told the Globe’s Alex Speier: “We have been poor clusterers or sequencers of performance.”

Spring traqining = no snow shoveling!

The Old Rivlary

Shank covers a spring training game between the Red Sox and Yankees:

The names have changed, but Red Sox and Yankees always carries weight

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Yankees-Red Sox.

Ruth. Gehrig. DiMaggio. Mantle. Jeter. Judge. Williams. Yastrzemski. Rice. Pedro. Manny. Mookie.

What tradition. What folklore. What a galaxy of stars and stories. Fisk vs. Munson. Fenway Park and Yankee Stadium. The greatest rivalry in sports.

And we had none of that at JetBlue Park on a postcard-perfect Sunday afternoon.

We had Allen. Koss. Bauers. Chaparro. Gomez. Costanza. (OK, I made that last one up.)

Quick quiz: Tell me which of those names above are Yankees and which play for the Red Sox?

Nobody knows. But that’s OK. This is spring training. The Sox have 10 players at the World Baseball Classic and sent a whole team to Sarasota for a split squad game Sunday against the Orioles. When you combine that with the cost-cutting exodus of homegrown talent — where have you gone, Xander Bogaerts? Sox Nation turns its lonely eyes to you — you’re not going to have a lot of star power for a mid-March exhibition against a Yankees team that didn’t want to put Aaron Judge, Giancarlo Stanton, Anthony Rizzo, and Gerrit Cole on a 130-minute bus ride from Tampa.

So much for all that weight, with half of both squads missing from the game...

Always An Optimist

Shank, back for another round of Fort Myers fun, trackes down Red Sox GM Chaim Bloom, who's all rainbows and fluffy bunnies:

Keeping Chaim Bloom’s optimism in perspective, and other thoughts

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Picked-up pieces while waiting for Joe Mazzulla to call timeout …

▪ At Red Sox spring training in 1967, rookie manager Dick Williams — inheriting a 72-90 team that finished ninth — asserted that the Sox would win more games than they lose. They wound up going to the seventh game of the World Series.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in Bloomville.

I put the question to beleaguered Sox baseball boss Chaim Bloom on Thursday morning at Fenway South: Can you guarantee that the ‘23 Sox will win more than they lose? Or maybe just promise they won’t finish last again?

“There are no guarantees in this game,” Bloom said. “And especially not in the AL East. So no, I can’t honestly give fans a guarantee. That’s what makes baseball fun. You don’t know what’s going to happen. I think this is going to be a fun team.”

The Chris Sale Column

Shank sits down with Red Sox pitcher Chris Sale, where the conversation starts off with concerns about weight and durbility:

Chris Sale appears thinner than usual but doesn’t sound concerned about holding up

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Chris Sale looks too thin to dominate big league hitters for a full season.

I know, I know … Sale has always been a skinny guy. Ask those hitters who couldn’t see his 100-mile-per-hour heater. Ask them if he’s too thin. Come see us in July when Sale is 10-1 and starting the All-Star Game in Seattle.

Sale threw a bullpen session Wednesday at Fenway South, then spoke with the media on the first day of pitchers-and-catchers workouts. He had the high heat. He has the great positive attitude. He plans on being Alex Cora’s Opening Day starter at Fenway against the Orioles March 30.

But he looks even thinner than usual. Gandhi-like. And though I am neither a doctor nor nutritionist, Sale’s physique makes me wonder whether his hereditary frame — the skinny gene — makes things tougher as he attempts to once again be a stud starter for the Sox.

Read on for the details, and a bonus pop culture reference not from the 1970's:

(Chris Sale, 2010 - 2012) Three seasons, $90 million, and 48⅓ innings.

The whole thing reminds me of a line from “The Town” when Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner pose as cops and steal millions from a vault at Fenway Park.

“No one’s robbed the Sawx like that since Jack Clark!” one says to the other as they prepare to leave the park with their heist.

Book 'Em, Danno

The 2023 Boston Red Sox season starts this week, and at the same time a book comes out detailing the Houston Astros cheating from a few years ago, when now Red Sox manager Alex Cora was then (in 2017) a bench manager with the Astros. Naturally, members of the Boston sports media made Cora squirm in his first press conference of the season:

Opening press conference shows that, for Alex Cora, the book isn’t closed on 2017-18

Incorrect - the book isn't closed, for members of the Boston sports media. I'm pretty sure most normal fans don't give a rat's ass anymore.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — It’s never a pleasure cruise when you manage the Boston Red Sox. Hall of Fame-bound Terry Francona said it was the hardest baseball job he ever had, stating, “In Boston, it seemed like you were putting out brush fires every day.”

So how was Alex Cora greeted in his first 2023 picnic-table press conference at Fenway South Tuesday morning?

Hey, Alex. There’s a new book out today that details all your bad habits and cheating ways when you were with the Astros, and how you bragged to your 2018 Red Sox that ‘we stole that [2017] World Series.’ Care to comment?

OK, it wasn’t quite that harsh, but it was certainly not the way Cora wanted to launch the Chaim Bloom Celebration of Payroll Flexibility, which seems to be the theme of the basement-bound ‘23 Towne Team.

The actual first question, posed by WBZ’s Jonny Miller (who interviewed Eddie Kasko in Winter Haven in 1972), was, “Alex, first things first. Have you talked to anybody in the front office about remarks you made to Evan?”

Read on for more media grilling, and not of the good kind.

The Bullshit Meter Is Redlining

For the first time in about five hundred years, Shank does not get to enjoy a Boston Globe funded vacation to Fort Meyers, FL this spring in order to tan his pasty white Irish skin and shit on the Red Sox for a few weeks. It's enough to make you weep, isn't it?

What I will miss about Red Sox spring training

NOT FORT MYERS, Fla. — I miss baseball. I miss the Red Sox being a pleasant diversion and an important topic of conversation at this time of year.

I miss spring training.

Red Sox pitchers and catchers report to Fenway South this week. Player physicals are scheduled for Wednesday, with the first workout for pitchers and catchers Thursday morning. The first full-squad workout is Monday, and the Sox’ Grapefruit League opener is Feb. 28 against the Minnesota Twins at Hammond Stadium.

This guy's been shitting on the Red Sox with regularity, and we're supposed to believe absolute bullshit like this. The more likely explanation is that he doesn't get to escape the New England winter (and lord knows what else) for a few weeks.

Unearthed

Since I'm not into religiously checking on him, I just noticed a mild Boston Red Sox column from Tuesday in the place of the usual criticism and subdued, poorly disguised vitriol:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — He was there the night the Red Sox collapsed in the Bronx when Grady Little didn’t take Pedro Martinez out. And he was in Anaheim in 1986, catching Donnie Moore after Moore surrendered a series-changing home run to Dave Henderson in the ALCS.

Red Sox bench coach Jerry Narron also was the man who replaced Thurman Munson behind the plate at Yankee Stadium on the night after Munson was killed in a plane crash.

Narron is a hardball Forrest Gump — a humble, unassuming man who always seems to be on the scene when big things happen. This past week he was named bench coach of Ron Roenicke’s 2020 Boston Red Sox.

I wouldn't exactly call the Forrest Gump comparison as a compliment. Some self-promotion (natch) also ensues. I'd say that part was shameless, but you know that already.

Five Aces

Shank is clearly delighted with the 2020 'bridge year' Boston Red Sox. He's written 11 columns so far this month, and all but one of them was about the Red Sox. Unsurprisingly, every single one of them was negative in tone and / or heavily critical of the Red Sox in some manner.

And the hits just keep on coming…

FORT MYERS, Fla. — The 1971 Baltimore Orioles famously had four 20-game winners and advanced to the seventh game of the World Series. Jim Palmer, Dave McNally, Mike Cuellar, and Pat Dobson all made 30 or more starts and all pitched 224 or more innings. Three of them exceeded 280 innings.

The world champion 2004 Red Sox had five starting pitchers who never got hurt. Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Derek Lowe, Tim Wakefield, and Bronson Arroyo each started at least 29 games and logged no fewer than 178 innings.

Fast-forward to 2020 and a Red Sox team with almost zero reliability in the starting rotation. More suspects than prospects.

These are not the Red Sox of “we have five aces.’’

Making The Sale

I was anticipating Shank starting to bang out pro-forma player focused articles any moment now. Today's column, with Chris Sale as the player in question, is quite different:

FORT MYERS, Fla. – Chris Sale was 10 minutes into a half-hour press session when he got the first question regarding the sign-stealing cheating scandal that has poisoned Major League Baseball in this spring of 2020.

“Here it is . . . ,” Sale said with a grimace.

And there it was. Indeed.

Sale talked about all of it. He talked about getting lit up by the Houston Astros in Game 1 of the 2017 American League Division Series at Minute Maid Park. He talked about speaking with MLB investigators who are looking into possible rule-breaking by the 2018 world champion Red Sox. He talked about his relationship with former manager Alex Cora, who conspired to beat him in ‘17, then called on him to shut down the Dodgers in the final moments of ‘18. He talked about what he would tell his children about all of it when everything shakes out.

Changeup Thrown

Instead of another column in the recent stream of negative Red Sox columns, Shank breaks with tradition and goes back to beat reporter:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — At last, an Alex Verdugo sighting.

The former Dodgers outfielder, the top prospect coming to the Red Sox in the Mookie Betts deal, made his first appearance Friday morning at JetBlue Park and was seen chatting with new teammates Jackie Bradley Jr. and Kevin Pillar while pitchers and catchers were going through their brief workout.

Neither Verdugo nor Pillar participated in any workouts, and Verdugo was not in the clubhouse during media availability periods.

Pillar, a former Blue Jays outfielder, could be playing in place of Verdugo in the outfield at the beginning of the season if Verdugo’s balky back puts him on the shelf. Pillar, joining the team as a free agent, moved his stuff into a stall in the locker room early Friday. After reviewing his physical, the Red Sox made the one-year, $4.25-million deal official later in the day.

We'll see how long that lasts.

Shank's National Pasttime

... is kicking a team when they're down:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Baseball’s cheating scandal just keeps getting worse. And the Red Sox have it hanging over their heads as they go to work on a season made more difficult by the salary dump of Mookie Betts and David Price.

The cheating Houston Astros — who have shot past the Patriots as the most hated team in America — conducted a hideous press conference in West Palm Beach Thursday that left more questions than answers.

Astros owner Jim Crane spoke, as did new manager Dusty Baker, and we listened to brief prepared statements from Alex Bregman and Jose Altuve, two of the cheatin’ ’Stros who won a World Series in 2017 while employing an electronic sign-stealing system that regularly allowed their hitters to know what pitch was coming.

Shank Pretends To Hate The Mookie Betts Trade

Shank's starting out the 2020 Boston Red Sox season in fine form:

What a week.

What a winter.

What a team.

Desperate for relevance, backpedaling after a wildly unpopular deal that angered the fan base like nothing since Grady Little didn’t lift Pedro Martinez (or perhaps when Haywood Sullivan forgot to mail Carlton Fisk’s contract), the Red Sox officially begin spring training Wednesday at JetBlue Park in Fort Myers, Fla.

Almost a full week after initially agreeing to trade Mookie Betts and David Price to the Dodgers, Chaim Bloom finally met with the media at JetBlue Monday and essentially made the same request that ownership did when it was learned that the commissioner’s office was investigating the Red Sox for allegations of cheating in the 2018 season:

The Obligatory David Price Spring Training Column

You folks know the drill by now with the spring training columns, right?

FORT MYERS, Fla. — David Price changed his uniform number from 24 to 10 during the offseason.

“You’ll figure it out,’’ a playful Price said a couple of times during his first media session at JetBlue Park Thursday morning.

Hmmm, No. 10. No. 10. Homage to the late, great Celtics guard Jo Jo White perhaps? Maybe a measure of respect for Rich Gedman, an underrated two-time All-Star from Worcester who caught for the Red Sox in the 1980s?

UPDATE, 2/16/2019 AT 7:50 AM - Forgot the link to the story; like you're gonna read the whole column, right?

Get Off My Lawn?

Shank's latest column started out strong with that old man vibe:

Kids today. They’re just not like they used to be.

This is what old people say. And parents. And teachers. And coaches. This is the lament of folks sitting in rocking chairs, reading newspapers, calling grandchildren on the land-line rotary telephone and actually expecting the young folks to pick up the call.

It’s the same when it comes to Major League Baseball players.

Turns out it's a pretty decent column, and I think that's the second time I've recommended a Shank column this month. That's a sure sign of the approaching apocalypse!

The Obligatory Craig Kimbrel Spring Training Column

We expect the proforma Red Sox spring training columns from Shank, but this one's just a bit different:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — You are a famous professional athlete, as good at your craft as just about anybody on the planet. You make bags of cash and fans scream your name when you come in from the bullpen. You are 29 years old and you play for a first-place team in a city that loves the sport you play. Life is good. Life is great. Life is perfect.

And then you find out your newborn baby girl has a serious congenital heart condition, and everything changes as she fights for her life daily at Children’s Hospital in Boston.

You stop thinking about baseball. You stop thinking about everything other than your newborn baby girl and your wife. You abandon thoughts of the four-seam fastball and the Yankee lineup and you learn the language of anatomy and cardiology.

This hits home with Shank - some of you may remember the Clementine column, which was the point where Shank stopped being an asshole to Roger Clemens.

The Obligatory David Price Spring Training Column

It seems that Shank likes what he sees in David Price's first spring training game:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Thursday was a good day for Boston sports. Not a single Patriot star took more money to join another NFL team, none of the Celtics got hurt before flying to Orlando for Friday’s game, and no one uttered the word “yuck” during David Price’s four innings of shutout ball at JetBlue Park against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Price threw 55 pitches, 34 for strikes, and gave up one hit and one walk while fanning five (four called) in a Grapefruit League victory over the Jays. He looked almost ready for Giancarlo Stanton, Aaron Judge, Gary Sanchez, and Didi Gregorius.

And just in case anyone forgot, Shank helpfully reminds you of the bad stuff that happened last year:

This was Price’s first start against a big league team since last July 22, when he lost to the Angels. Price went five innings on that Saturday night in Anaheim, and 24 hours later, details spilled of his unfortunate airplane ambush of Dennis Eckersley earlier in the season.

Mentioning the other Boston sports teams in an insulting manner, dredging up the past - par for the course in a Shank spring training column.