Friday, March 11, 2016

Fake Shaughnessy Column

A reader sent this along yesterday, wondering why Shank's not writing about this story. He opines, rightly, had this been about a certain head football coach, you bet your ass there would have a Shank column by now (or two, or three!). This notion is shared by others:
Is there is a bigger fraud than Dan Shaughnessy in the entire media world? Had Bill Belichick been having a relationship with a reporter twenty years his junior, would Shaughnessy have completely ignored the topic in his columns as he has with John Farrell?
I'm pretty sure we have the answer to that question. Since there's now common ownership with the Red Sox and the Boston Globe, certain things will not be mentioned or written about by Boston Globe writers. This is one of them.

And now, without further adieu, the Fake Shaughnessy Column. Take a bow, Anonymous Reader Guy!
Love is.....
By: Dan Shaughnessy
Boston Globe
March 10, 2016

There's supposed to be no cheering in the press box, but as the great Stephen Stills once said, "Love the one your with."

Boston's manager who is already under fire for 2 straight last place finishes finds the ice cracking beneath his feet after revelations of a "relationship" between himself and Jessica Moran of CSNNE (Full disclosure, I'm able to scam both the Red Sox owners and CSNNE mgmt. out of pay checks).

This is the kind of behavior we've come to expect from Bob Kraft and the Lovely Rikki down in Foxborough.

When Farrell was hired he was supposed to be John Wayne, instead he thinks he's John Holmes.

Sox ownership has to be embarrassed about this. (If you've noticed I never asked what Sox owner Tom Werner knew about Dr. Cosby and when he knew it.).

The bloodthirsty shut ins are getting their pounds of flesh over on sports radio, I look down my nose at them even as I grab a check once a week.

Why does Moran have to resign and not Farrell? She's in the media, she can't be in the wrong.

But that's not how it works.

KissCam at Fenway has taken on a whole new meaning.

Who will replace Moran's ability to read off of a teleprompter and the hard work that goes into that? I wouldn't have resigned (Marge Schott took a run at me one night but that's another story for another time) If I was Jess I'd take Warren Zevon's advice and have dad send "Lawyers, guns and money".

Oh well, CSNNE is sending someone named Trenni down here to replace Jess.

If Red Sox Maestro Dr. Charles Steinber was still alive we'd be doing the dating game (Tom Selleck was on it, he used to own a Tigers hat) between innings on the infield with your host Bob Eubanks (Jim Lange passed a couple of years ago)

"Batchelor #1, If I were to sit on your lap, what would we talk about?"

Answer: "The 1st thing that pops up and I don't mean the infield fly rule."

Oh well, CSNNE is sending someone named Trenni down here to replace Jess.

Only time I've ever heard of her she was whining about getting the runs at the Socchi Olympics. (And Bob Costas thought he had problmes with his pink eye).

Opening day is coming up, now's the time for NESN to bring back Sox Appeal.

Dan Shaughnessy is a Globe Columnist


ObjectiveBruce said...


Roger Bournival said...

Not the first time something's gone over your head, is it?