Sunday, September 25, 2016

Trolling Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Yep, I'm sure that's the reason...

Saturday, September 24, 2016

It's Official - Shank's Back On The Pats Bandwagon

After winning three games in a row with multiple starters out of the lineup in each game, why wouldn't you shamelessly start rooting for the Patriots again?
Memo to Patriots fans: Deflategate is your friend. It has given birth to absolute truths that serve only to magnify and solidify that local notion that Bill Belichick and the Patriots are 10 times better and smarter than every other NFL team.

The first-place, 3-0 Patriots will enjoy a well-deserved day of rest Sunday, but a message has been delivered to NFL America. It is not a comforting missive for the 31 franchises that hoped to prosper when NFL commissioner Roger Goodell dropped the hammer on the Team Everyone Loves to Hate. The Patriots are on a mission. They are kicking butt and taking names. The 2016 Patriots are waging war on the rest of the NFL and the commissioner who overly punished them for driving 68 in a 65-mile-per-hour zone.
A decent enough column ensues from here (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band lyrics aside), but I think Shank overstates something towards the end:
This cannot be a great feeling for Brady. Deflategate has established that any Jimmy, Jacoby or Matt can play quarterback for the Patriots and still win. Belichick and the Patriot Way are the big winners.
I don't think you can use a three game span like the most recent one and dismiss the contributions of one of the top quarterbacks in NFL history.

On second thought, since I don't feel like erasing the previous sentence, Shank's not dismissing Brady, he's simply discounting it and attributing the team's success to the team. Seriously, it didn't kill me just now to agree with Shank! Still, I think that point's fairly debatable.

Points awarded to Shank for being consistent on this point (not Deflategate as a whole, where he once called Tom Brady a cheater and gave it its own column):

The Patriots would secede from the NFL if they had anywhere elso to go, but they don’t. They will settle for winning another Super Bowl and rubbing everyone’s face in the dirt. Tom Brady is taking his punishment and it’s Scorched Earth Time here in Hatriot Nation. Our long national nightmare is over.
Back to the original column:
Feel the fire. Embrace the hate. Deflategate is the Patriots’ friend.
Did Shank just channel the Emperor from Star Wars?

Friday, September 23, 2016

Settle Down, Beavis

Three games into the NFL season and Shank is all but ready to award the Lombardi Trophy to the New England Patriots. While I'm in favor of that notion, it's amusing that Shank's been trashing Bill Belichick since he got here, and suddenly he's the best thing since sliced bread.
But the No. 1 story line of the night was Belichick. We keep thinking we have seem the ultimate demonstration of his greatness and then we see something that tops the last one. We thought the opening-night win at Arizona would stand as the Hoodie’s favorite non-Super Bowl win, but Thursday’s shocker against the Texans was even better. It was a game won by all the boring things Bill loves — special teams, defense, and mistake-free offense.

“I’m so proud of the way our guys competed,’’ said Belichick. “A real satisfying win. The whole week the coaching staff did a tremendous job.’’

When an intrepid sort noted that Bill was climbing the ranks of career wins for coaches, Belichick said, “Today is not about me. It’s about the team, the players, the assistant coaches, and all the credit they deserve.’’
He'll be signing a different tune as soon as the Patriots lose their first game.

One Trick Pony

I did not have the patience or desire to post any of Shank's stale fucking bullshit last night. I wanted to enjoy the game without it being tainted by his repetitive, witless garbage. That said, here's the 'best' of Shaughnessy from last night's game.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Professional Asshole

Beating a dead horse:

Rehash radio, part infinity:

Reporters used to get basic facts correct, like spelling people's names:

That's just Shank's way of him letting you know you're not important to him. If you're reading this, Jared, he's insulting you right to your face. Stop falling for this shit and treat Shank as he ought to be treated - as an enemy. Think 'Godfather' here. Maybe you ought to talk to Kirk Minihane about that angle.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Small Whiff Of Bullshit Detected

Get a load of this bald-faced lie:
A prediction - it won't matter what happens when the Red Sox play their last game this year; Shank will either savage the team or, as he did in 2013 when they won the World Series, he'll call it a fluke.

The Return Of Bandwagon Dan

Shank's latest column is a feint - he pretends to like the Red Sox and Patriots, so long as they're winning.
Here we go. Red Sox and Patriots. Hand-in-hand into history. Again.

Sunday in Greater Boston was one of those days that make all the hard living worthwhile. It was a day to put traffic, weather, taxes, the cost of groceries, and nonstop road and bridge repair (did I mention traffic?) on the shelf. It was a day to soak in the warm waters of first place and speculate on great sports moments in store in the upcoming weeks.

Playing without Tom Brady, without Gronk, without Rob Ninkovich, and finally, without Brady’s backup, the Patriots beat the Dolphins in their home opener. It was more Next Man Up and Let The Fools On The Other Side Beat Themselves again. More than ever, Super Bowl LI in Houston — a showdown with Roger Goodell, who would deliver the trophy — appears to be the Patriots’ manifest destiny.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Exit Question

How brutal is Shank going to be with his column about this game? I bet he's already written half of it.

And So It Begins - II

DeflateGate related jokes never get old:

And - so much for 'maybe the Dolphins have a chance':

And So It Begins

It's called the law of averages, jackass...

Insipid Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy?

Will we witness a barrage of 'tomato can', 'coin flip' and 'double score' tweets from Our Man Shank in just under half an hour? Stay tuned!

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Incomplete Thoughts, By Dan Shaughnessy

Surely he left something out here...

...and a reader fills in the blank: