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Monday, June 29, 2015

Positive Red Sox Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

You know you hate the Red Sox (or you're just a miserable douchebag) when you feel the need to point out...

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Flipping for the Sox

The CHB yet once again reminds us that the Red Sox are playing poorly and have no chance this year and is furious that the management won't admit as much.

One would think someone who has written on this topic for as many years as Shank would know by now that 9 games out in June is not a death sentence. Remember '78? That was a 14 game comeback that began in July.

And what's remarkable is that he kind of does(!), as a few grafs down he writes about the Sox going 40-15 following a "particularly animated discussion" between Sox president Larry Lucchino and then manager Terry Francona in the World Series championship year of 2004. So we have a situation where the Sox -- per Shank -- can't win, even though history shows they have.

Here's where Shank really gets stupid: "Some of us are comparing the Hanley-Pablo signings to the Gonzalez-Crawford acquisitions before 2011. You got away from that philosophy, now it feels like you’ve flipped back."

Well, lo and behold, it was none other than The CHB who just last October insisted the "Red Sox can't sign Sandoval fast enough," and was still singing his praises in February called him a player who can "hit when it matters most." Who's the flip-flopper now?

Most absurdly of all, he asks whether the World Series win in 2013 somehow negatively affected the franchise. Are you kidding? Has the bar been set so high that three World Series wins in 10 seasons is now no longer good enough?

And once again The CHB is complaining about the stats guys, never stopping to realize that every team in the major leagues employs an army of statisticians, including favorite sons Giants, who don't make a move without getting the OK from Yesh Goldfarb (seriously, that's his name).

The CHB: Looking more anachronistic by the day.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Stakes Are High, And So Am I

Well, someone had to work in the Ted Nugent reference!

On the scene from New York City, Shank has been writing this here column for some time now.
NEW YORK — In 1987, former US Secretary of Labor Raymond Donovan was tried on charges of fraud and grand larceny. When the former Reagan cabinet member was acquitted by a Bronx County jury after an eight-month trial, Donovan famously asked, “Which office do I go to to get my reputation back?’’

On Tuesday at 9:09 a.m., Tom Brady went to a basement conference room at the NFL’s offices at 345 Park Avenue and testified under oath . . . in an attempt to get his reputation back.

It might take days, weeks, months, or even years for Brady to remove the tarnish from his golden résumé. Or he might never return to the lofty perch. He might instead be remembered as a champion . . . and a cheater.

It’s still hard to believe we are here.
No it's not, you disingenuous bastard - you've been doing everything you can to insure this story remains in the news. Why travel to New York City to cover this hearing if that's not your goal here?
In years to come, there will be considerable debate regarding strategic blunders, arrogance, coverups, lawyering up, and defiance on the part of the New England Patriots. What is in dispute in New York this week are Brady’s reputation and his legacy.
Funny - it looks like there's been plenty of 'considerable debate' already, and it looks like the actual dispute will be centered around the Wells Report, which determined Brady was 'generally aware' of the deflated footballs. The AEI report casts significant doubt about the Wells Report's determination that the balls were underinflated. So, if you go from 'generally aware' to 'not aware' and / or you go from 'underinflated' to 'not (intentionally) deflated', that would present grounds for nullifying the suspension.
I doubt there was much talk about the “science” once the parties got into the basement conference room. PSI and AEI are not the issue now.
Speculation - overruled!
...
The presence of Wells at Tuesday’s session was interesting. Wells has been taking a beating since his 243-page report was released, and the veteran lawyer no doubt was eager to get into a room with Brady and hear some new information. (Prepare for some leaks. According to ESPN, there were 40 people in the room, and that means lots of loose lips.)
So, if Wells has been 'taking a beating, it stands to reason that his report will be subject to further beatings, right? This is what lawyers do, Shank - create and / or establish reasonable doubt (at a reasonable price!).

They Said Galileo Was Wrong, Too

Eminent physicist Albert Einstein Dan Shaughnessy on reports ripping the Wells Report apart:

Burn the heretic!

Tom Brady Watch

The Globe duo of Shank & Ben Volin are covering today's showdown between Roger Goodell and Tom Brady, liveblogging it.

Monday, June 22, 2015

DHL Dan - XLII

If it's the Monday before Tom Brady's showdown with Roger Goodell, it's the perfect time for another installment of Shank's random musings.

The only thing worth noting with this column - his two largest paragraphs are devoted to yet more criticism of the Red Sox and the Patriots, not including certain other paragraphs. Shocking, I know...

Friday, June 19, 2015

Yaz

Former Red Sox great Carl Yastrzemski makes one of his rare trips to Fenway Park, so we get a civil column from Shank.
Folks in the Fenway Park tour group had no way of knowing that there was greatness behind the wheel of the Ford Expedition in the dark underbelly of the ancient ballpark.

How could they possibly have known? They were an assortment of tourists from New Hampshire, Virginia, Texas — even a few from France. They wore Red Sox jerseys, had cameras in their hands, and seemed to be enjoying their discovery walk under the stands behind home plate.

Suddenly, a couple of Fenway security people asked the folks to step aside and make some room in the cramped space. A silver SUV was wedged between a couple of the load-bearing beams in the dark concourse and the vehicle was attempting to back up, pivot, and exit from the bowels of Fenway.

And so the tourists made room and the SUV maneuvered its way out of Fenway Park with precision and ease.

“Pretty good, huh?’’ said the smiling driver, Carl Yastrzemski, as he turned onto Yawkey Way. “I still got it.’’

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Sarcasm Noted

The Red Sox win a game, which motivates Shank to write an insincere column of praise for the team.
You don’t see a lot of 4:05 p.m. starting times on weekdays during the school year at major league ballparks.

We had one at Fenway on Tuesday, and it was a day of little miracles.

Start with the final score. The sorry Red Sox beat the Atlanta Braves, 9-4.

That’s right, boys and girls . . . the last-place Red Sox won a baseball game. It was the Sox’ first victory since June 7, snapping a string of seven consecutive painful losses.
Nothing better than a Globe columnist and his condescending, patronizing attitude!

And what's a Red Sox column without a mention of Patriots coach Bill Belichick?
The afternoon started strangely when, while the Sox were arriving at the ballpark, word leaked that the vaunted St. Louis Cardinals are in a heap of trouble with the FBI and MLB because they allegedly hacked the Houston Astros’ database. Inevitable comparisons with the Patriots and Deflategate surfaced immediately, and Twitter trolls had a field day when a photo surfaced of Bill Belichick wearing a Cardinals jersey.

It is well known that Belichick is friendly with former Cardinals manager Tony La Russa and it was impossible to avoid the irony and the oddity of the respective scandals. Clearly one is nothing like the other and it’s totally unfair to infer any linkage, but it was amusing nonetheless.
One column, shots taken at the Red Sox & the Patriots - it's a twofer!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Bash Brother

The only thing Shank likes doing more than shitting on the New England Patriots is shitting on the Boston Red Sox, complete with a childish Dustin Pedroia insult.
Fenway Park was the place to be Monday afternoon. The moribund Red Sox held yet another team meeting (what’s next? exorcism? human sacrifice?), Dustin Pedroia came out with tiny elbows flying, and manager John Farrell faced a firing squad that was downright Pitinoesque.

After staggering through one of the worst weekends in the long history of the franchise — getting swept by the Blue Jays in spectacular fashion and stretching their losing streak to six games — the last-place Sox arrived at the ballpark in mid-afternoon and immediately held the latest in a string of team meetings. These guys have more meetings than the UN Security Council.

The carnivorous Boston media surrounded Pedroia’s locker when he emerged from the meeting just after 4 p.m., and the de facto captain of the SS John Henry indicated that the fellows had identified their problem and agreed on a solution to make things better.
Certain paragraphs tend to jumpout at the reader:
Pretty true. The great Leigh Montville said it to me in 1982, and I’ve been saying it ever since: When good things happen, we write good things. When bad things happen, we write bad things.
Who's he kidding with that nonsense?