Monday, July 25, 2016

Monday, Monday

Thank you, Bruce Allen, for giving us the day off!

Friday, July 22, 2016

Jest Wing

Ready for this? The CHB is going into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Well, sort of.

For starters, it's the baseball writer's wing of the Hall. So already it's like kissing your sister (which I'm pretty sure is what got Shank started on his road to fatherhood, which next to his mediocre career has been perhaps his greatest exercise in failure).

Moreover, you know who votes in the inductees? Yep: other writers! That's about as big an accomplishment as getting a mother to love her baby. What a joke. 

More humor. The CHB waxes nostalgic about Earl Weaver. You know who Earl Weaver was? Baseball's first sabermetrician manager. Of course, The CHB is too busy whining about baseball to actually, you know, understand it.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Random Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

If only there was a particular month to celebrate achievements like this:

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Getting Some Early Reps In

The New England Patriots will start training camp next Thursday, and Shank gets in an early shot:

As expected, reader feedback was positive and constructive:

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Speaking of Boston Globe Assholes...

Whilst waiting on the last game of the Red Sox / Yankees series, I cruised around the Boston Globe sports site to see if Shank recently wrote anything stupid or offensive. He's taken time off from his Black Sox column, mostly a good one, but I stumbled across something which is quintessential Boston Globe moralizing, or trying to pass itself off as such.

The pretentiously bylined name of Kevin Paul Dupont, not having the sense to stick to Boston Bruins hockey, decided to avoid his offseason hiatus by commenting on stupid tweets by the wives of professional athletes and assumes the mantle as yet another of the many self-righteous Boston Globe scolding harpies:
It’s time for Miko Grimes and Ayesha Curry to set down their handheld devices, delete their Twitter accounts, and take two giant steps back from the lunatic fringe.

Or like Jack Nicholson’s character (Mel Udall) said in “As Good as It Gets,” “Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.’’

Miko, wife of Buccaneers cornerback Brent Grimes, on Monday tweeted out her disdain for her husband’s ex-employers in Miami, including Dolphins owner Stephen Ross and executive vice president of football operations Mike Tannenbaum.

“Gotta respect Ross for keeping his jew buddies employed,’’ she wrote, “but did he not see how tannenbaum put the jets in the dumpster with that sanchez deal?’’

Miko obviously had her keyboard locked in “vile” mode. She’ll have to find a geek squader to help her with capital letters and punctuation, with a side course in sensitivity training.

Ayesha, wife of NBA icon Stephen Curry, was none too pleased June 16 to see her hubby foul out in Game 6 of the NBA Finals, a moment he punctuated by firing his mouthpiece and nailing a courtside fan. Steph’s handiwork earned an ejection. Ayesha’s fingers flew her straight to crazytown, to join the convention of whack job conspiracy theorists already in progress.
First, on the merits - Miko Grimes is an anti-semetic moron that can go fuck herself. The Jewish people I know share many positive traits - they don't smoke, booze, take drugs, gamble and are financially successful, which involves being productive (which means gainful employment) and avoiding frivolous spending on, among other things, the aforementioned vices I mentioned. These habits should be celebrated and adopted, not blithely dismissed with an epiteth. Wish I could engage in all of these traits!

Ayesha's comments, on the other hand, bear some weight:
Precisely what the NBA needed, another hint that someone jockeyed the score. The fetid scent of ex-referee Tim Donaghy and his on-court cooking of the books may never leave the building.
Right off the bat, the pretentiously bylined named Kevin Paul Dupont is in partial agreement with this sentiment. This is backed up in part by none other then Dan Shaugnessy seven years ago (direct Boston Globe link has been archived) and by many other articles and columns about the subject during this time frame, and earlier, but I'll avoid posting extensive links demonstrating this until and unless the bĂȘte noire of this site, former Boston Globe buttboy Bruce Mo** piously demand it. Even then, I'll tell him to fuck off and do his own research on the matter so he can come to the conclusion that he's wrong yet again. I have found it next to impossible to convince or persuade overt leftists of actual facts in any matter, as they wish to view the world as they want it to be, rather than what it is.

In conclusion, if Kevin Paul Dupont had real balls, he'd take this guy up on his offer:

Until then, this self-appointed arbiter of taste and civility should stick to hockey, and fuck off.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Eight Men Out

Shank goes a century back in time to recount the Chicago Black Sox scandal, from the hotel room where it all happened:
ROOM 615, BUCKMINSTER HOTEL — This is where the greatest professional sports scandal in American history went down. Bigger than Deflategate. Right in the very spot where I am sitting.

I am talking about the Black Sox scandal of 1919. And I am sitting in the spot where the idea was hatched. Right here in the shadow of the Citgo sign (it wasn’t there in 1919). My room is less than 300 feet from the Green Monster, which was part of the landscape in 1919 when Chicago White Sox first baseman Chick Gandil sat with Hub gambler Joseph “Sport” Sullivan and agreed to get some teammates to throw the upcoming World Series against the Cincinnati Reds.
It's a good read, but Shank simply can't help himself and mars it by mentioning Deflategate one more time, as well as working in a reference to the chicken & beer fiasco five years ago.

Deflategate Is Over

As expected, the obligatory Shank column:
Let’s acknowledge once again that this was a minor infraction, never proved by the NFL. But the Patriots dug their own grave by behaving like a guilty party from the jump. The Patriots did everything a guilty man does. They failed to produce the equipment guys after damning texts were found. They suspended said employees and refused to talk about them or make them available. They issued their own version of events, the embarrassing “Wells Report In Context,” then summoned media friends from across the land to slaughter Roger Goodell — an easy errand. Brady destroyed his cellphone when he was suppposed to meet with Ted Wells.
But if it gives Shank another chance to shit on Robert Kraft, it's all good.