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Friday, February 15, 2019

The Obligatory David Price Spring Training Column

You folks know the drill by now with the spring training columns, right?
FORT MYERS, Fla. — David Price changed his uniform number from 24 to 10 during the offseason.

“You’ll figure it out,’’ a playful Price said a couple of times during his first media session at JetBlue Park Thursday morning.

Hmmm, No. 10. No. 10. Homage to the late, great Celtics guard Jo Jo White perhaps? Maybe a measure of respect for Rich Gedman, an underrated two-time All-Star from Worcester who caught for the Red Sox in the 1980s?

UPDATE, 2/16/2019 AT 7:50 AM - Forgot the link to the story; like you're gonna read the whole column, right?

Thursday, February 14, 2019

The Obligatory Chris Sale Column

Looks like we have a decent column to start the otherwise dreary and predictable slew of player interviews during spring training.
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Chris Sale would make a perfect New England Patriot. He doesn’t say much. He Does His Job. He wins. He leads by example. He stays off social media. He encourages his teammates.

Sale would not blend easily in the world of NBA superstardom. There’s no diva in the man. He’s not going to make pledges to the fans and then change his mind. He’s not going to call LeBron James for advice about how to deal with Rafael Devers or Andrew Benintendi. He’s not going to make his contract status a disruptive story.

Sale met with the media on a rainy afternoon after the first workout for Red Sox pitchers and catchers Wednesday. He addressed concerns about his shoulder that limited him to 158 innings last year. He acknowledged that this is the final year of his contract, but pledged not to let it be a distraction. He said Boston is “a special place,’’ and “I’d love to keep playing here,’’ but made no promises.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Shank, Out Of Bullets

While this may change in the near future, Shank is wholly unable to start shitting on the 2018 World Series champions out of the gate:
In sunny Florida, the Red Sox are fresh out of hot topics

FORT MYERS, Fla. — While New England braced for an overdue visit from winter, the world champion Boston Red Sox were gathering some 1,450 miles south in their warm winter replica of Fenway Park.

Tuesday was “reporting day” for pitchers and catchers. A bunch of Sox early arrivals worked in the batting cages (Jackie Bradley Jr. did some especially loud hitting), and Chris Sale and Eduardo Rodriguez played catch on a humid, 80-degree day. ESPN sent its A Team to relay the non-news.

It was hard to find a complaint and easy to break a sweat. Sorry.
Give him time; he'll come up with something, no matter how specious or contrived it is.

Saturday, February 09, 2019

DHL Dan - LXXX

Shank 'treats' us to his first mailbag Picked Up Pieces column in two months:
Frank Robinson was probably the most underrated superstar ever

Picked-up pieces while transitioning from Fort Foxborough to Fort Myers . . .
Indeed - it takes a fair amount of work to transition from shitting on the New England Patriots to shitting on the Boston Red Sox...
■ Frank Robinson, who died Thursday at the age of 83, was quite possibly the most underrated superstar in the history of American sports.

Hall of Famer Jim Palmer called Friday to tell a story that reveals everything you need to know about Frank Robinson the competitor.
There's lots of good Frank Robinson stuff in the column, so it's worth checking out in full.

UPDATE AT 6:15 PM - Dan Shaughnessy, still a chiseler:
Mahomes (Patrick Mahomes' father) cited Mo Vaughn as one of his favorites and said he had no issues with the Boston media. He also pitched for the Mets in parts of 1999 and 2000 and said, “I loved playing for Bobby Valentine.”

I fully expect my expense account (“beers for Patrick Mahomes night before AFC Championship”) to bounce back from Globe accounting, but so far so good.

Wednesday, February 06, 2019

Dan Shaughnessy, Still An Asshole - XXIX

That Roman numeral is an estimate, of course - a good estimated guess.

Anyway, here's Shank, a day after the New England Patriots celebrated their sixth Super Bowl title, in an obvious attempt to cast aspersions on the team:

You'd think he'd have enough class to give it a week before pulling crap like this. Well, I don't think so, maybe you do.

Beating A Dead Horse, Claude Julien Edition

Former Boston Bruins coach Claude Julien was fired on February 7, 2017, as Shank professed outrage at the timing of the firing. Never mind that whenever he wanted someone run out of town, like Nomar Garciaparra or any other member of the Red Sox Shank deemed expendable, that was okay because that's different. Yesterday he had this curiously cryptic tweet on the matter, in some sort of backhanded measure to lay it at the feet of the New England Patriots' parade:

Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Monday, February 04, 2019

Shank Surrenders

You want shameless bandwagon hijacking? This is how you do it, folks:
This one clinched it: Tom Brady is the greatest Boston athlete of all time

I surrender. No more old guy lobbying for Ted Williams, Bill Russell, and/or Bobby Orr.

Tom Brady is the greatest Boston athlete of all time.

Many of you are probably thinking, “Obviously, hi-ho. Everybody knows Brady is the best of Boston.’’

Not everybody. Not old-timers like me. Some of us remember things that happened before last weekend. We cling to the past and are reluctant to yield.

I am still bothered when 21st century Hub sports fans talk smack about David Ortiz being better than Teddy Ballgame. It’s not even close, people. Big Papi won those three championships, delivered in the clutch, and stood up for our city when tragedy struck in 2013, but he can never be a star the magnitude of Williams.

Dull Game, Dull Column

It's nice that the New England Patriots won last night, as it spares us from Shank taking a world-class shit on the team. What we get instead is one of the most predictable and cliche-filled columns in his 'storied' career.
ATLANTA — Take those old records off the shelf. The Patriots on Sunday night joined the Steelers as the winningest team in Super Bowl history, securing their sixth Lombardi Trophy with a 13-3 victory over the Los Angeles Rams at Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

This one will not go into the vault as an instant classic. It was a punt-filled rock fight that will best be remembered for New England’s staunch defense and a Rams offense that set records for futility. It was 3-3 after three quarters and the Patriots “broke it open” when Tom Brady came to life and directed a 69-yard touchdown drive to give the Patriots a 10-3 lead with seven minutes left.
....
New England fans were the coveted “12th man” in the season finale. Almost 1,100 miles from Foxborough, the Super Bowl turned into a virtual home game for the Sons of Bob Kraft. It was as if the crowd was culled from extras who auditioned for “Mystic River” and “The Departed.’’ It’s safe to assert that more than half the fans at Sunday’s game have eaten at a Wahlburgers at one time or another.
...
Poor Goff. Hearing Gladys Knight sing the anthem was too much for the man. LA was too much for the man.
All that, and less, at the link.

Sunday, February 03, 2019

Gameday Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

In case you were mislead about Shank's seemingly positive columns this week, look at the gossip he just passed around:


Most people are aware that Gronk has had a number of injuries throughout his career, but the article nonetheless states:
The New England Patriots are about to play in their third consecutive Super Bowl, but they feel that tight end Rob Gronkowski's struggles this season might be caused by his use of the TB12 Method, according to NFL Network's Michael Giardi.

Giardi reports that the Patriots feel Gronkowski's injuries to his ankle, Achilles and back are due to his preference to use the TB12 Method over the team's workout program.

"Internally the Patriots feel like Gronkowski brought some of this on himself," Giardi said. "During the offseason when he reported, he came in not as strong, not as fast and not as explosive ...The Patriots feel as though if maybe he had done it their way, as opposed to the TB12 way, of which Gronk is devoted to, maybe things would have been different."
Note that, as with other stories of this type, no one in 'the Patriots' is named or even alluded to, such as 'a Patriots representative who wishes to remain anonymous' or other similar disclaimer.
The five-time Pro Bowler first dealt with Achilles tendonitis in Week 5 that was listed as an ankle injury, reports NFL Network's Ian Rapoport. He later suffered a bulging disc in his back in Week 7 and spent most of the season on the team's injury report.

Rumors swirled that Gronkowski would retire after the 2017 season, and speculation has continued to grow this year. It was reported in January that the tight end is expected to weigh retirement again this offseason.

Gronkowski is reportedly feeling "100%" headed into the Super Bowl, according to Rapoport.
I like Giardi and generally trust his reports, but not this one.

And Now For More Boston Globe Employee Bashing

Tweet of the day so far:

Shank's Last Super Bowl LIII Column

Most of us were expecting other column themes from Shank - the paint-by-numbers quarterback comparisons, Shank's attempts at trolling major cities, etc., but we've seen none of that, which is a pleasant surprise.
Super Bowl week has been all about the Patriots

ATLANTA — Another Super Bowl . . . nine in 18 years . . . the Patriot Way is the only way . . . again.

This must be what it feels like to have more money than you can count. You have a garage full of Bentleys, multiple vacation homes around the world, and lose track of where you placed your Rolex watch.

So. Much. Winning.

The Patriots have been to so many of these mega-games that it becomes a little hard to remember specifics. The sites, the big plays, and the ancillary events start to blur. The Patriots have played Atlanta in Houston, and now they are playing Los Angeles in Atlanta. They have played Super Bowls against the New York Giants in two different cities. They played the Rams when the Rams were in St. Louis, and Sunday they are playing the Rams, who now hail from Los Angeles.
The other elements of a typical Shank column are there, of course - fake praise for the New England Patriots, hyperbole, and all that. I'll just note that this column's pretty good, and his other columns (three others) were as well. When compared to other Super Bowl run-ups for the previous two years, less is more.

Oh - one last thing:
...
The Patriots are only 2½-point favorites, but it feels like everybody’s picking New England. And all the money is being bet on the Patriots. This does not guarantee victory, of course, but given their experience in the big games (the Patriots have 37 players with Super Bowl experience, the Rams have four) and the momentum from wins over the Chargers and Chiefs, it’s hard to fathom the Patriots losing.
You folks know why that partial sentence is in there, correct?