Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Rehash Radio - IX

It's that time of the week again:
The only takeaway from the first two segments (aside from Shank's reuse of his recent columns) - it sounds like 'Beetle' Bertrand is becoming a bit tired of Shank's negativity.

Monday, May 02, 2016


Shank seems pleased by Curt Schilling's lack of recent job prospects (retweeted by him about an hour ago):
Having helped in getting Kirk Minihane tossed off of Comcast Sports New England, we shouldn't be surprised at this.

There's no other way to put it - Dan Shaughnessy is fucking vile...

Did We Start Boozing Early?

Now that Shank can stop pretending about liking the Boston Celtics, he turns to another East Coast NBA team and makes a bold prediction:
If Cleveland makes it to the NBA Finals, they will get buttfucked by the San Antonio Spurs or the Golden State Warriors. Badly. It won't even be close.

This is a sportswriter that's supposedly been following professional basketball since I got out of college?

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXXVIII

This is an interesting way of putting it:
Maybe this is one of those philosophical / existential type of questions, but what is really 'new' from Shank? In the sense that these are his most recent assemblage of words, clich├ęs and Shankisms, the tweet is accurate. But what does he actually say that is new? Nothing that this blogger can detect - his latest column is another proforma effort jumping on the Red Sox bandwagon, a few trite observations, etc. ad nauseum, completely lacking in imagination and originality.

The only thing shocking is the lack of a Larry Bird mention.

Singing A Different Tune

Dan Shaughnessy, three weeks ago:
Are the Red Sox contenders or pretenders?
A few series wins against three bad teams seems to have changed Shank's tune a wee bit:
Remember all that talk about urgency and the need for the 2016 Red Sox to get off to a good start
Yes, Shank - you wrote about it nearly every day over a span of two freaking months!
Turns out it was all true. And the Red Sox thus far have done what they set out to do.

Our local spring sports calendar is suddenly darker, and we are going to need baseball to fill the days and nights and blogs and endless hours of sports talk ("and re-reading half my columns on The Sports Hub every Tuesday!" - ed). The Bruins didn’t make the playoffs, the Celtics checked out early, and the Patriots felt the full wrath of Deflategate punishments in a week in which they were denied a seat in the first round of the draft and learned they’d be playing without Tom Brady in September.
That would depend on whether Brady decides to appeal that decision, but why let that pesky little fact get in the way?

Warning - Shankism Alert! All hands to battlestations - captain to the bridge!
Into the breach stepped the Olde Towne Team, the Local Nine, the Sons of Sam Horn and Nomar Garciaparra. Boston baseball’s April ended on an upswing, and the last-place Red Sox became the first-place Red Sox on May Day.

They are five games over .500 for the first time since the inadvertent (jeez, not this shit again - ed.) championship season of 2013, and we have reason to believe they will once again be playing meaningful games in July, August, September, and (maybe) October. Dozens of questions linger about this team, but at least the Sox are worthy of discussion again. A daring dance with irrelevancy has been averted.
Much to Shank's chagrin...
And while it’s handy to say the Bostons just routed three last-place teams (Houston, Atlanta, and the reeling Yankees), two of those teams were in the playoffs just seven months ago.

While you’re at it, take a good look around the American League and tell me where the good teams reside. The entire league is a collection of average teams waiting to be beaten.

Which brings us back to these Red Sox, who should be turning the clock back to a theme of 2004, when one of the mantras was “Why Not Us?’’
And thus we see a slightly different take of the way Shank routinely treats the New England Patriots. Instead of making absurdly high expectations of the Patriots during the season (for the purpose of criticizing them if / when they fail to meet those expectations), he now considers every American League team to be average, and if the Red Sox somehow do go on to win another World Series, he will call it another inadvertent championship like he did earlier in this column about the 2013 team.

No Shaughnessy column is complete without one piece of howling bullshit:
Being the glass-half-full guy that I am, look at it this way:
Anyone who's buying that needs a freaking MRI scan on their brain.

At least he has something to regurgitate tomorrow morning!

Sunday, May 01, 2016

The Celtics' Glass - Half Empty, Or Half Full?

We're familiar with Shank's perfunctory dismissal of the 2015 - 2016 Boston Celtics. Shank more or less shits on the Celtics throughout the column, and the few positive things he manages to say about the team are minimized:
It’s nice to know that Ainge has a pocket full of primo draft picks and the Celtics have thus far gotten better every year of the Stevens era, but it’s hard for some of us to look at what we saw in the playoffs and feel good about this team. The Celtics simply don’t have enough talent. It’s hard to imagine Boston as a destination for blue-chip free agents. The 2016 playoff experience only reinforced how far the Celtics are from being good. Fortunately for the Celtics, they have a tolerant and sometimes hopelessly optimistic fan base. The Bruins and Red Sox should have it this good.
Compare and contrast that take with Kevin Draper of Deadspin, in an article where it is clear the author did some homework:
Which brings us to today. The core of their current team—Thomas, Bradley, Crowder, Marcus Smart—are all signed for at least two more seasons, and the only contributors they could lose this offseason are Turner, Zeller, and Jared Sullinger. Their coach is still Brad Stevens. Barring a catastrophe, even with no improvement, they’ll be a five seed again.

But improvement there will be! Depending upon exactly where the salary cap falls and what they do with players they can make qualifying offers for, the Celtics will have ~$33 million in salary cap space. If Kevin Durant is smart, Boston is where he’ll sign, but even if he doesn’t, the Celtics will be in play and be an attractive destination for every major free agent.
Draper says more in two paragraphs than Shank does in his entire column. This just reinforces the two main attributes of your normal Shaughnessy - he's lazy and a dick.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Dope Springs Eternal

Here's the stunning problem with The CHB's column on the Celtics today: He whines that the Celtics' loss to the Hawks in round 1 of the NBA Playoffs last night demonstrated their lack of talent, while conveniently ignoring that two of their top three players were out for effectively the entire season.

Question: Have the Celtics progressed enough in the 3 years under Stevens? The CHB answers his own question: Wins have risen from 25 to 40 to 48. That's a 23 game swing. The next best positive gain in that time frame? Milwaukee, with 10. The C's finished with the 7th best record overall in the NBA. Could anyone have seen that two years ago? Of course not. Would you have been pleased if, two years ago, you were guaranteed a 48 win season by now? Of course you would.

What The CHB seems to forget is that to actually, you know, win a championship, you first have to make the playoffs. So while he's extolling the virtues of the Timberwolves, which he has been doing on the radio for some time, let's remember that the Wolves, with Wiggins, Rubio and Townes, won a total of 29 games this year. They are about as far from the playoffs as The CHB is from getting laid by a woman.

It's a talent league, and the C's don't have enough talent. But truthfully, neither do the Thunder with Durant and Westbrook, or the Clippers with Paul and Griffin. The Bulls have two players -- Butler and Rose -- better than anyone on the Celtics, and didn't even make the playoff. So why insinuate Celtics coach Brad Stevens isn't up to the task, except to be contrarian?

More memory problems. Wasn't The CHB just saying "Our winter sports teams are good again. There will be playoffs and it might not be as bad and bloody as we once feared. ... [T]he local sports landscape is brighter today"?

Answering The Obvious Question

Dan Shaughnessy Watch, March 10, 2016:
In true Shank Shaughnessy fashion, he will bury both of these teams once they're eliminated from the playoffs.
Again, not a very tough call, was it? According to a commenter, this column went up within an hour of the final whistle:
Done. Finis. Over. O-va. The end.

The not-so-great Atlanta Hawks put the Celtics out of their playoff misery Thursday night at the Garden, beating the wobbly, wounded, and overwhelmed Green Team, 104-92, in Game 6 of their first-round Rock Fight.

The season bled out on the parquet floor in the same ugly fashion that stamped the entire series: The Celtics couldn’t make a shot (36.2 percent), the more-talented Hawks flexed their muscles and built a 28-point lead, and Brad Stevens was forced to deploy patchwork lineups that had virtually no chance of succeeding.

“We’ve got to get a lot better, that’s pretty evident,’’ said Stevens. “It’s a sour ending to an otherwise really good season.’’
From there, he questions the coach, tells us about a Celtics game played fifty years ago and gives us the standard game recap, all of which he can rehash on the radio next week.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Asking The Obvious Question

The 2014 - 2015 Boston Celtics finish their season with a game 6 loss to the Atlanta Hawks in the first round of the playoffs as of about ten minutes ago.

How soon does Shank bury this team? Is he working on the column as we speak?

Don't Get Mad - Get Even!

That's what Curt Schilling did last week when Shank went on Mike Felger's show on Comcast Sports New England to talk about his firing from ESPN:
"He got what he was asking for, and I don't have a lot of sympathy for him right now," said Shaughnessy, with whom Schilling has feuded from almost the day the pitcher arrived in Boston. "I'm just going to miss him. He's good on TV."

Didn't take long for Schilling to respond . . .
I want to know who's #1 in your book, Curt!

But wait - there's more!

And then he added a comment on CSN's Facebook page, under a link to the video . . .

“Don't need the advice of a bitter human who only remains relevant because of that coif and his desire to take opposing views, regardless of their factual truths. CHB was irrelevant the day we won game 4 and the World Series, ending something he made a career out of inventing, the "Curse". It was a curse of talent, nothing else. People like this need a boogeyman to create content, original thought escapes them”
Then, this one out of deep right field:
You could accuse Felger of a lot of things; a lack of knowledge is not one of them. This looks like a shot at Felger inviting Shank on for the express / implied purpose of Schilling bashing, knowing full well Shank would deliver. In that case, the charge of douche is correct. Not like Felger gives a rat's ass either way...

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

A Tale Of Two Games

The Boston Red Sox won last night in Atlanta, as David Price pitched 8 innings and struck out fourteen batters in his (and The Sox's) most convincing win of the season to date.

The Boston Celtics lost last night in Atlanta, after trailing at halftime, turning the ball over ten times in the third quarter, the Atlanta Hawks looking like the 1994 Chicago Bulls in that same quarter and got run out of the building, now facing elimination from the NBA playoffs. When human pylon Kris Humphries hits back to back three point shots on you, it's game over, man!

Would anyone care to guess which of these games Shank decided to write about? If you guessed the Red Sox, you must be new around here:
ATLANTA — How do you explain this Celtics-Hawks series?

You don’t. Just roll with it, wait for the next game, and hope your team does better.

The Celtics led the Hawks by 10 points in the second quarter of a pivotal Game 5 at Philips Arena on Tuesday night. Sweet, right? On the heels of sweeping two games in Boston it looked like the Celtics might break the Hawks’ spirit, take a 3-2 series lead, and wrap things up at the Garden on Thursday.

No. The Hawks demolished the Green Team in the third quarter, ran out to a 33-point lead, and took Game 5, 110-83, to put the Celtics on the brink of elimination.

The Celtics and Hawks are working hard and leaving it all out there on the court, but this series might set basketball back to the pre-shot clock era of the 1950s. We have two starless teams bumping into one another, with the series winner appropriately earning a four-night, all-expenses paid trip to . . . Cleveland.
Not if Indiana or Charlotte manage to win two games - lowest seed plays the highest seed, Shank!

Then again, four nights in Cleveland would be punishment enough - tank the series!
The Hawks seemed similarly rattled. Jeff Teague’s mind-numbing failure to execute (after two timeouts) in the final 15 seconds of regulation was a gaffe of epic proportion. Had a Boston player blown a game in such fashion, it would have dominated all sport media for the ensuing two days.
And we all know who would be leading that charge, don't we?
There was actually little of anything early Tuesday night. Despite a pregame video presentation that includes a voice claiming Atlanta has “the loudest fans in the NBA” the New England Revolution generate more buzz in Boston than the Hawks do in Atlanta.
Shank sure hates sports teams owned by Robert Kraft, doesn't he?

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

CHB Slinks While Porcello 'Springs'

Remember how Shank was going on and on about how the Red Sox performance in spring training didn't bode well for the regular season?

In particular, remember what he said about Rick Porcello, one of the "Meatball Five"?

Well after Porcello's sterling 6.1 innings of shutout ball last night, here are his numbers to date this season:

GP  IP      H    B   K   W  L   WHIP  ERA
4    25.2    19   5   30   4   0    0.94     3.51


Not too shabby. 

Anyone (else) remember what was said during spring training? 

Anyone else care? Because The CHB certainly has clammed up.