Tuesday, November 21, 2017

DHL Dan LXI - The Really Awesome Patriots!

Who amongst you out there believes a single word of this?
The Patriots are a team unlike any other team, playing in a league unlike any other league. They have changed the concept of spectator sports for us, extracting the time-tested notion of what might happen on any given Sunday. For Patriots fans, every week is Groundhog Week.

I got out of bed Monday morning to the sound of radio guys talking about how great the Patriots are and how stupid the Raiders were on Sunday. I heard that the Patriots are 17-point favorites against the Miami Dolphins this Sunday at Gillette. I picked up the morning rags and saw where Tom Brady is being compared to Michelangelo. I heard humble Tom deflecting all credit on his contractually obligated weekly radio gig. I heard more radio commentary where hosts submitted an edgy, hot-take poll question forcing Pats fans to make a choice:

1. Are the Patriots awesome?

Or . . .

2. Are the Patriots, like, really awesome?
Covering and writing about the Patriots must have become boring for Shank, so he'll try to fool the rubes with a few phony suck-up columns.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Flaw In The Argument Spotted

When you have to point out that Jay Cutler not playing next week to prove your point, you should reexamine your logic.

Some followers weren't buying it:

Thursday, November 16, 2017

What's Old Is New Again

Apparently Shank's weekly appearances on Zo and Bertrand isn't the only place where he reuses recent column themes:

And, of course, Shank doesn't appear to quote Sun Tzu - it's more like the Napoleon Bonaparte quote may have aped a Sun Tzu quote, but that's it. Second - I have trouble believing Shank's read The Art of War or much of anything else.

All Aboard!

The Boston Celtics have won thirteen games in a row. Guess who's now jumping on the bandwagon?
The Celtics in Boston at this hour are more popular than free food. They are the biggest story in the NBA, their TV ratings are off the charts, and we cover them the way Fox News covers Donald Trump, the way CNN covered Barack Obama.
You're not supposed to acknowledge media bias, Shank! Didn't they teach you that at Holy Cross?
Never is heard a discouraging word. Normally skeptical reporters turn to jelly around this team. Everything is awesome. We are all Baghdad Bobs. We are all Tommy Heinsohn.

Je suis Johnny Most.
Impressive command of the French language!
Truth be told, it has me a little off my game.

The scalding Celtics play the world champion Warriors at the Garden Thursday, and New England is agog. The Celtics have won 13 in a row and the Warriors are the greatest team on the planet, perhaps the best ever assembled. Our parquet floor is suddenly the center of the NBA universe. Everything is coming up Green.
I wonder if Shank's ever heard of the 1986 Celtics?
Decades of covering teams in this town have trained me to be cynical.
No, you're just a natural born asshole.
Lord knows we’ve had a lot of championships, but there’s usually some case to be made about questionable coaching, nasty personalities in the locker room, buffoonery in the owner’s box, or a team that is more lucky than good.
And we'll always have Cynical Shank to point all of these negative things out

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

More Tomato Can Misinformation

Here's Shank yesterday morning:

One commenter blew that one right out of the water:

I'm willing to bet that if you look here from this point forward, to the end of the regular season, this point will be borne out. Remember that Shank first started using the 'tomato can' insult against the other three teams in the AFC East division (Buffalo, Miami and the New York Jets). He's since expanded it to include all NFL teams not named the New England Patriots. I'm not sure if Shank would continue to use the phrase even if you hit him over the head with these numbers (because he hates numbers), but I wouldn't put it past him.

There's also a commenter here that pointed this out - this fact (AFC East win totals being greater than all others) has held for the past ten years (the end year being 2015 or 2016) even if you adjust for removing the Patriots / other top division winner from this total. Unfortunately I can't find that post right now. To some extent, Shank is oblivious to certain facts, especially the numeric ones.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Meeting The Deadline

When you're out in Denver with a deadline to meet, this is how you do it - write the majority of the column beforehand, adding unconfirmed speculation to make it interesting:
DENVER — Pay attention, Patriots fans.

You want Bill Belichick to stick around? I think I have the solution.

Belichick is climbing the ladder of NFL coaching legends. The Patriots’ stunningly easy 41-16 victory over the once-tough Denver Broncos Sunday night was Bill’s 270th career win, tying him with Cowboys legend Tom Landry for third place on the all-time list. The only guys ahead of him are George Halas (324) and Don Shula (347), whom Belichick hates.
...insert a paragraph or two of predictable responses by coach Bill Belichick:
An hour after it was over, I tried and failed to get Bill to talk about the meaning of his new ranking among the elite NFL coaches.

“Look, it’s flattering, but honestly, I don’t think that’s the story tonight,’’ he answered. “The story tonight is the way our team performed. To win games in this league you need great players and I’ve been fortunate to have some great players and a lot of great assistant coaches and great staffs. That’s really what it’s about. The players are the ones that make the plays and they did it tonight.’’
...and voila!

Saturday, November 11, 2017

The Shaughnessy Conundrum

Does Shank continue last year's fake Patriots praise and tell you how awesome the team is, or does he fall back on the tried and true 'tomato can' defense?
“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.’’

— Napoleon Bonaparte
Who knew Shank was a history buff?
DENVER — Here we are. Midseason. The Patriots are coming off their bye week, and everything is teed up for another Super Bowl run.
Despite all the stuff that has happened to the Patriots, they have the best record in the AFC (6-2, tied with Pittsburgh, but who ever worries about them?) and the best path to Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis.

Once again, while the Patriots were not playing, everything that could possibly help them is what happened. The Chiefs lost to the Cowboys. The Bills lost to the Jets. The Dolphins lost to the Raiders. The Ravens lost to the Titans. The Texans lost their young star quarterback. Green Bay gave up on tight end Martellus Bennett, who was quickly snapped up by the Patriots.


Little Tomato Cans sitting in a row. They all fall down.

Thursday, November 09, 2017

It Begins

As noted many times in the previous weeks, Shank's 'pretend to like the Patriots' act has finally run its course:
There's no 'which is it?' - the fans hate the media, simple as that. Then I look at the comments and confirm this 'theory':