Friday, May 26, 2017

It's Over For The Celtics

Shank writes the dirt nap for the 2016-2017 Boston Celtics.
Someday we will look back at this series and wonder exactly how the Celtics won a game and managed to throw a legitimate scare into LeBron James and the World Champion Cavaliers.

Ultimately, this series was men against boys. It was Monstars of Space Jam vs. No Stars of Boston. It was LeBron and Kyrie Irving against Kelly Olynyk and Gerald Green. What a beating.

LeBron and Co. demolished the Celts, 135-102, on Thursday to clinch the Eastern Conference finals, 4-1, to advance to a date with the Warriors in an NBA Finals rubber match that is expected to be one for the ages. It’ll be a seventh straight Finals for LeBron, who has won 13 consecutive close-out games since 2009.
...but not before he backtracks a bit:
The 2016-17 Celtic season goes into the books as a success. Brad Stevens’s fourth campaign yielded a conference-best 53 wins, playoff conquests of the Bulls and Wizards in the first two rounds, and a measure of nobility in the conference finals loss. The Celts played well in two games in Cleveland, managing to come back from a 21-point deficit to win Game 3 and racing to a 16-point lead in Game 4.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LIII

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Backhanded Compliment

That's how Shank starts out his latest column on the Boston Celtics:
CLEVELAND — The Celtics are in the way. They are the little brother who stays in the TV room yapping all night, clueless that his big sister and her boyfriend would like to be left alone.

NBA America, ESPN, ABC, and the rest of the hoop-watching world can’t wait for the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors to meet in their third consecutive Finals. It’ll be Ali-Frazier III. The Spectacle at the Oracle. The Zoo at the Q. LeBron James vs. Kevin Durant.

But your No-Star Boston Celtics are still in the way. For at least one more game.
And Shank continues the attempt to deceive his reading audience:
Such is the national narrative that fuels the ever-disrespected Celtics, who started the playoff run hearing that they might be the worst No. 1 seed in NBA playoff history.
And they heard that from Shank himself, on multiple occasions:
Are these Celtics the worst No. 1-seed in postseason history, or are they a worthy lot, bound for the conference finals and perhaps capable of stunning the Cleveland Cavaliers and advancing to the NBA Finals?

Monday, May 22, 2017

I Stand Corrected

It looks like Shank did a column after all, and he leads off with a bit of hyperbole:
CLEVELAND — This was impossible.

I can’t believe what I just saw.

The Boston Celtics, on the cusp of what looked like a certain Four-Game Sweep and abject humiliation in the Eastern Conference finals, beat the Cleveland Cavaliers, 111-108, Sunday night on a last-second 3-pointer by Avery Bradley.

That’s way too simple. And there was nothing simple about any of this.

Let’s mention that the Celtics were blown out in the first two games of this series. They lost Game 2 at home by 44 points and were 16-point underdogs for Game 3. They trailed by 21 in the second half . . . And then came the ferocious comeback, capped when Bradley took a nice feed from Marcus Smart and rattled home his game-winner.
Quite the attitude change from his last two Celtics columns, isn't it?

I'll let the first Globe comment sum things up:

Pure chutzpah on your part, Tomato Can Dan. You couldn't throw the dirt on this team fast enough after game 2, and now it's like that never happened. You make politicians look honest.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

The Beatdown Continues - II

Another big loss by the Boston Celtics, another column shitting on those Celtics by Shank.
If you are a citizen of Green Team Nation, you can say it in any language and it still comes out the same.

Je suis Tomato Can.

Ich bin ein Tomato Can.

This is the 1992 Olympics and the Celtics are Angola playing the USA’s Dream Team.

The world champion Cavaliers did it to Boston again Friday, embarrassing the Celtics, 130-86, in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals, to take a 2-0 series lead home to Cleveland. It doesn’t seem to make any difference where the games are played. It feels like Celtics and Cavaliers could play one another until Labor Day and nothing would change. Cleveland is just better. And the Celtics, evidently, are just happy to be here. Game 2 was abject humiliation as the locals fell behind by an unthinkable 72-31 at halftime.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

The Beatdown Continues

The Boston Celtics lost Game 1 of the NBA Eastern Conference finals last night to the Cleveland Cavaliers, 117-104. You bet your ass Shank wrote about it!
What were you expecting? Brian Scalabrine announcing a run for mayor? Free cigar night on the Red Auerbach court? Larry Bird, Robert Parish, and Kevin McHale turning back the clock, walking through that door, and leading the Celtics over the World Champion Cavaliers on the way to Green Banner No. 18?


After winning a pulsating Game 7 vs. Washington on Monday, and hitting the Lottery jackpot Tuesday, the Celtics were throttled by the Cavs, 117-104, in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals on Wednesday night at the Garden. Don’t let the final score fool you. This was a wire-to-wire beatdown. The Celtics trailed by 28 in the third quarter.
Note how gleeful this column reads; that's my big takeaway from it. But wait - it gets better!
We said all along that just getting to the conference finals would make this Boston basketball season a success.
And what were we saying about the team last month?

Then there's this passive - aggressive sentence:
A pregame video on the big board featured clips of national commentators disrespecting the Celtics, suggesting Boston might be the worst No. 1 seed in playoff history.
What were you saying last month, Shank?
Are these Celtics the worst No. 1-seed in postseason history, or are they a worthy lot, bound for the conference finals and perhaps capable of stunning the Cleveland Cavaliers and advancing to the NBA Finals?

I think we know the answer. Today’s Celtics fall in between the two extremes. They are not total frauds reaping the benefits of the Tomato Can NBA East. But nor are they championship driven.
This son of a bitch is absolutely shameless, thinking readers will forget what he wrote a mere month ago.