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Monday, January 23, 2017

Shank's General Sherman Imitation - II

Despite the Patriots bring a mere three point favorite for Super Bowl 51, Shank lays out a classic passive-aggressive column designed to piss off a major metropolitan area of the United States, pretending it's not going to be a competitive game.
We do not hate Atlanta nor its sports fans. We can’t even summon the old “Casablanca” line when Rick Blaine tells a petty thief, “If I gave you any thought I probably would [despise you].”
Now that the formalities have been skipped...
No. It’s not that. When it comes to Atlanta and its sports fans, we feel nothing. Maybe a little pity.

The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl in Houston Feb. 5, and they are going to play the Atlanta Falcons, and that takes a little fun out of the experience. It’s thrilling to see the Patriots get a chance to carry out their frontier justice on Roger Goodell. It will be sweet if Bill Belichick becomes the first coach to win five Super Bowls and Tom Brady ends the debate once and for all by surpassing Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana with five Super Bowl rings.

But Atlanta? Seriously? This will be like the Larry Bird Celtics winning two of their championships by beating the Houston Rockets instead of the Lakers. It’ll be like the Bruins beating the expansion St. Louis Blues to win the Stanley Cup. It’ll be like the Red Sox beating the Colorado Rockies to win the World Series.
Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan, from Boston College, is on fire this year and at this point he's playing as well as Tom Brady, if not better. Atlanta's running backs are lethal and their defense doesn't look too bad either. Shank is a moron for dismissing this team.

Oh - and to all you Falcons fans who might be reading this column? This is Shank's M.O., so please don't fall for it.

Shank's General Sherman Imitation - I

Oh, boy - Shank's trolling real early this time around:

Atlanta readers are all over Shank, and they are brutal:


Sorry, Mark Whalberg!





I'll leave it right there because there are too many, although further down you might like the Napoleon Dynamite reference or two. I know I did!

The Revenge Tour Continues

If NFL commissioner Roger Goodell won't come to a Patriots game, the Patriots will come to see him.
FOXBOROUGH — History. And revenge.

The Patriots trumped the Pittsburgh Steelers, 36-17, in the AFC Championship game Sunday night to advance to Super Bowl LI against the Atlanta Falcons in Houston Feb. 5. New England becomes the first NFL franchise to make it to nine Super Bowls, and Bill Belichick and Tom Brady have a chance to become the first coach and quarterback to win five.

But this New England matchup with Matt Ryan and the Falcons is much more than a shot at ring records and grid immortality.

Above all else, it will be a showdown with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Emerging Pattern Confirmed

A few weeks ago I spotted a pattern with Shank's Patriots themed columns:
By now the pattern should be clear to everyone - when Shank writes about the Patriots, he will avoid expressing an opinion about the quality of their opponent if they're a top team at the time of the game. Otherwise, the Patriots opponents are 'tomato cans', 'frauds' and so on.
This explains the lack of a column by Shank yesterday or today about tonight's AFC Championship game. In one sense, that's good - we won't be subjected to trite comparisons of Boston and Pittsburgh, simplistic 'anslysis' of the Brady / Roethlisberger matchup, and so on.

There will be a tweet about the coin flip around 6:40 this evening, so I'm really looking forward to that...

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Only 12th?

I was cruising around this afternoon and stumbled across this story by Matt Keller that ranks the villains in the Deflategate saga, which I find to be dead on:
Boston sports fans are insane. I should know: I have been one my entire life (it’s like being Jewish – we can criticize ourselves). Deflategate turned into a massive rallying point for the entire region, and if you aren’t from New England, you may have a hard time comprehending just how big of a controversy it was. After sides were taken, anyone who came at Brady or the Patriots was turned into an enemy by a rabid fanbase (some of whom happened to work in the media). Twitter battles ensued. And the pro-Patriots media and bloggers, led by people like Jerry Thornton of Barstool Sports (then of WEEI), didn’t hesitate to take each perceived enemy to task for their sins. With Jerry’s input, I compiled a list of the biggest Deflategate villains.
Out of fifteen media villains, Our Man Shank only bags 12th place?
No 12: Dan Shaughnessy (Boston Globe)

Nicknamed Shank in Boston for the way he sticks the knife into his targets’ backs in print (close enough! - ed.) , Shaughnessy has always delighted in ribbing Boston fans with purposely contrarian viewpoints. Deflategate was manna from heaven for the curly-haired columnist.
That's it - I count thirty-six posts on this site that contain the word 'Deflategate', most of those being columns or tweets by Shank.

Special mention goes to the 2nd biggest asshole in the whole saga besides Roger Goodell (#2 under the NFL category):
No 2: Ted Wells

He authored the Wells Report, which was either an incomplete report that may have relied on some faulty assumptions and didn’t offer much in the way of proof (according to most unbiased observers) or an unscrupulous hit job by an NFL stooge that contained too many errors to count and was never meant to be objective (anyone living in New England, especially media members and Patriots employees).
So even if you split the difference here, the most charitable description you can assign to the Wells Report is that of a hatchet job, which Shank once called 'embarrassing' but given that he was burying the Patriots the entire time, it's safe to say he meant 'embarrassing - for the Patriots'. Just to remind people - once again, logic and Shank took different roads.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Revisionist History - II

Shank wrote about Theo Epstein two days ago, a column that curiously didn't show up on the main page (or Shank's page) until today. I'll speculate on the reasons in a moment.
It’s good to be Theo Epstein.

A modern-day Mozart of baseball ops, the onetime baby general manager of the Red Sox (he was 28 when he took over), is all of 43 now, and he’s just about the hottest thing in sports.

Theo is the architect of the two greatest curse-busting teams in American sports history. He was running the Red Sox when they threw off the 86-year-old jinx in 2004, and less than three months ago he tasted champagne again when the Cubs won their first World Series in 108 years. He is a lock for Cooperstown sometime later in this century.

When Theo went to the White House Monday — where his Cubs were feted by outgoing president Barack Obama — the leader of the free world suggested Theo might be a good fit to run the Democratic National Committee.
Screw that - I think they're doing just fine!

Anyway - I think this column was half-buried by the Globe because this is the second attempt by Shank to rewrite the history books in the span of a year. It's funny how former members of Boston professional sports teams seem to be rehabilitated once they've left town for a few years and had some measure of success, isn't it? I mentioned a few of Shank's previous columns trashing Theo when he was GM of the Red Sox back in May, and my co-blogger Mike, naturally, has a few more Theo trashing items and Shank's many, many bad calls on trades and player personnel.

The message here - don't believe shit like this from Dan Shaughnessy. He's doing this fore one reason only - to co-write a book with Theo Epstein.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Piling On

Looks like we're not the only ones who noticed Shank's bashing of the NFL commissioner:
Patriots 20, Steelers (+5.5) 17. I can’t decide who I hate more between Roger Goodell and the Pats fans who get to indulge their inner Tough Guy complex because the commish ducked out of going to Foxboro this weekend. HE WON’T SHOW HIS FACKIN’ FACE HERE-AH BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE MESSED WITH THE WRAWNG CITY! It’s not like they would have shot the guy. Your average Pats fan would probably just boo him and then try to throw a beer at him but miss and hit a baby.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

And Now For Some Roger Goodell Bashing!

I'll let the professionals handle this one:
Roger Goodell’s office made it official early Tuesday: The NFL commissioner is electing to attend the NFC Championship game between the Packers and Falcons Sunday at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta.

In today’s corporate-speak, this is what’s known as “bad optics.’’

It looks as though the commissioner is afraid to come to Foxborough.
...
What is the big deal, Roger? You are not Salman Rushdie hiding from the followers of the Ayatollah Khomeini. The Wells Report is not “The Satanic Verses.” There is no football fatwa in Patriot Nation. This is a sporting event.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XLVIII

That depends on how you define 'nearly', doesn't it?

Monday, January 16, 2017

Jumping The Gun

Shank's previous column was quite shaken about the Patriots' win over the Houston Texans. The next day (or when he sobered up - take your pick), he's back on the No Worries Bandwagon, presuming once again to speak for all Patriots fans with the royal 'we' and barely acknowledging the AFC Championship game.
We are greedy. We don’t want the Patriots to simply embarrass the commissioner, make history, and win Super Bowl LI in Houston Feb. 5. We want to see the Pats settle old scores and beat the highest-profile opponents. That’s why the last two weekends have been a little disappointing as we watched the Giants, Seahawks, and Cowboys get eliminated from the tournament.

I know . . . first thing first. The Patriots have a pretty big game Sunday night at Gillette Stadium. They will be playing in their record sixth consecutive AFC Championship game, facing the ever-dangerous Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers. Beating Pittsburgh is going to be a lot harder than beating the Texans in the divisional round. (Oh, and Roger Goodell was in Atlanta Saturday, so he’s got to come to Foxborough, right?)

All that said, there’s a popular notion in these parts that no team in the AFC is going to beat the Patriots at Gillette Stadium this season. That’s what a 15-2 record does.

And right about now I’m dreaming of a Super Bowl matchup featuring New England’s defense against Green Bay gunslinger Aaron Rodgers.