Picked Up Pieces

Shaughnessy returns to a format that he has not invoked in months - it is a picked up pieces special. All in all, I wouldn't call it overly interesting....but at least it was not as objectionable as past picked up pieces columsn save yet another shot at Curt Schilling....

Shaughnessy says

Shawn Chacon must have been channeling his inner Curt Schilling when he grabbed Astros general manager Ed Wade and threw him to the floor last week. When Schilling and Wade worked in Philadelphia, it was Wade who said, "Curt's a horse every fifth day. The other four days, he's a horse's ass."

Come on what the hell does this mean? Has Schilling ever physically attacked his general manager? How does Shaughnessy make the leap from Wade calling Schilling a horse's ass to Chacon "channeling his inner Schilling" when he physically accosted his employer? Shaughnessy saw a venue for getting yet another shot in at Schilling and it is unjustified. If there is a horse's ass in the room, it is Shaughnessy.

Danny The Genius

Shaughnessy uses last night's draft to reflect on how Danny Ainge transformed the Celtics -- a transformation that was founded in large part on last year's draft. Says Danny proved all his critics wrong; made some really smart moves; and delivered a championship. It is a very nice tribute to Ainge and Shaughnessy readily eats some crow.

Update

Today on Dale & Holley, Theo mentioned that Curt underwent a full physical and MRI. Can we now stop feeling sorry for the poor Red Sox who were swindled by the scheming Curt Schilling?

Schilling's Response

Apparently Dan may have stretched the truth in order to take another poke at Schilling. The Red Sox did know that Curt in the Car was going under the knife before the WEEI interview.

Not As Bad As I Thought, But Still Bad

As commentators have pointed out, the Shilling injury piece was inevitable. It was mostly laudatory, but Dan did go out of his way, eschewing facts and reason, to bash Curt.

- "An increasingly hilarious 38pitches.com." Huh? Why Dan? It must be great to just throw a line out there and not have to back it up.

- "I hate to offend the fragile psyches of Schill-o-phants, blog-boys, and others who worship at the altar of Curt, but there are a few indelicate points that might be made about all this."

Ah yes, the only people who would defend Curt are sycophants and "bloggers", the most evil group of people ever constituted.

The only indelicate point is the contract that Schilling signed. Dan suggests that Curt wasn't fully forthcoming about the health of his shoulder/arm. Does he have any proof? Of course not! It's the typical millionaires vs. billionaires dispute, but I have a hard time believing that a business worth close to a billion dollars didn't fully investigate the health of a player to be signed.

So, the Red Sox took a risk in signing Schilling and it didn't work out. Now we are supposed to feel bad for the Red Sox? Dan must have gone through some impressive mental gymnastics to get to that conclusion. It wouldn't have anything to do with those dinners with Powder and the inside scoops from Lucchino, would it?

No link because I refuse to make it easy for people to read Shank.

Blessed, Yet Cursed at the Same Time

As Dan points out, these are special times to be a sports fan in Boston. Then, why in God's name are we stuck with this lazy and arrogant bum? Don't click on the article, don't ever again click on his articles. Ignore him. Tell his editor (jsullivan@globe.com) what you think of Shank's condescending and spiteful attitude.


That being said, this column wasn't bad.

Your Front Page Columnist

He sucks.

The piece is meandering and pointless. There is no passion or excitement. It is a tepid recap with Shank mostly talking about the past. (I think he had a bet to see how many times he could get Auerbach's name into the column.) And of course there is the irrelevant Belichick reference.

Read Bob Ryan instead.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Lately I have been lamenting the fact that Dan has been mailing it in with formulaic game recaps and recycled columns.

Well he certainly made up for it with today's piece.

Maybe the most obnoxious piece since Shank's lame attack on 38pitches.com. One joke ("The Celts are sure to win tonight. Just like {insert crushing Boston sports upset here}.") repeated to fill up the column. No insight or new information, just the Danny Downer act that CHB loves so much.

Just Read Bob Ryan

Why bother with Dan? If you want something more than a bland recap of the game with silly references, read Bob Ryan.

Savor this One

Dan looks at the 22 year drought since the Celtics' last championship. Says the 1986 Celtics were one of the best teams ever but it has been down hill ever since Len Bias died. He then goes through the familiar list of all the heinous things that have happened in the past 22 years--from the deaths of Bias and Lewis to the coaching debacles of Carr and Pittino and the bad lottery luck with no Duncan and no Durant or Oden.

He hints the good ole days are back and should be savored -- and there are no guarantees the Celts will be back in this position next year.

This is your typical Shaughnessy Sunday fare. No stunning insights - just one of his stock "keep it in perspective" columns with the typical laundry list of items that he is apt to throw out from time to time.

Happy Dan

Dan was a little bitter after the Celtics had a chance to go up 3-0 and you could see the seeds of doubt creeping in to include the digs on Garnett. Today, he is Happy Dan calling last night's game one of the greatest (if not the greatest) comebacks in the team's history.

Dan must have had to work really hard last night--sure he went into "The sky is falling" mode after the first quarter and then had to throw everything out the window and start over again when the Celtics came back. Poor guy.

Getting More from Dan Would Be the Ticket

Dan cares for Mother Earth. I can tell because he is a devoted recycler.

Two weeks ago it was "It's Drive Time for Garnett."

Today it's "Getting More From Garnett Would Be the Ticket"

The Secret Formula

Sorry for the delay in posting, but I had to go back and check if the Globe had reprinted Monday's column by mistake. Dan must use some Mad Libs like template to write these things. Rip at Schilling? Check. Obligatory game trivia, including celebrity roll, shoehorned into the middle of the column? Check.

The column isn't a bad recap of the game, but the columns are depressingly formulaic. Instead, read Bob Ryan.

Red and Dan's Conversation: What Really Took Place

An anonymous commenter asked if perhaps a security camera caught this magical exchange between Red and Dan. As it happens, there was a camera and we were able to get our hands on it. Here is how the conversation really went:

CHB: “Hiya Red, how ya doing?”

Red: Oh jeez, not you again

CHB: What do you mean “Not you again”? I thought we were buddies. Don’t you remember those cigars you gave me when my daughter was born?

Red: Oh hell, not that cigar story again. Why the hell do you feel the need to tell everyone about those damn cigars? Don’t you realize those things were stale? If I hadn’t seen you that night, I would have tossed them in the trash can.

CHB: Really, I thought we had a strong connection back in the 80’s….those were the good ole days.

Red: Hey, let me tell you a story. Back in the 1960s, Russell would invite Chamberlain over to dinner for a big game. It would soften Wilt up – make them feel like they were buds. Russell had no interest in friendship—he was trying to take advantage of the situation and made Wilt lose his edge. The Big Guy learned that trick from me. I was only trying to buddy up with you so you would give me good press. See how well it worked? 25 years later and you are still talking about those damn cigars.

CHB: Man, I really remember it differently. Thought we had a strong connection there. Boy, those 80’s were the good ole days.

Red: You know Dan…I have moved on with my life….maybe you should consider moving on as well.

CHB: You know, Red, I just love the 60s and 80s. That Larry Bird sure was a great player wasn’t he?

Red: Yes, Dan he was. But remember that point I just told you about moving on with your life? That Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce, they are pretty good too you know. Did you happen to catch the game the other night?

CHB: Yeah, yeah, I was there. Can you believe that blowhard Schilling was there in a Celtics jersey no less ? I figured you would be rolling over in your grave if you saw that windbag there.

Red: I kind of like that Big Schill guy. Ever read his blog? It is pretty good.

CHB: Oh no, you read blogs?

Red: Yep, there is even one that tracks your writing. It’s pretty good too. What have you got against blogs anyway?

CHB: They get in the way and they are not relevant.

Red: Sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black? You know, it is kind of funny. You were talking earlier about our “connection”. Here is a good connection for you. I sit around here all day doing nothing and pigeons crap on me. You sit around all day doing nothing and bloggers crap on you..

CHB: Very funny, Red.

Red: So you know, Dan, I still read your columns from time to time. I don’t know why—kind of like when people stop to see a car wreck. Just wondering if you got any lame 1970 music lyric references up your sleeve. The ones you come up with are sort of pathetically funny.

CHB: Funny you should mention it Red, I have been working on one. Remember Don McLean’s Miss American Pie?

Red: Yep, sure do, that was a classic.

CHB: I adopted the words to talk about the day Larry Bird retired. How does this sound?

And the three men I admire most

The Father, Red, and Johnny Most

They took the last train for the coast

The day that Bird retired

Red: You really are a sad little man, aren’t you Dan?

CHB: Hey, I thought that was pretty good.

Red: Dan, why don’t you just leave now? I think I preferred it when I was by myself when the pigeons were crapping on me

CHB: Okay, well I need to see if I can catch a taxi to the airport. You know, this is not like the good ole days when I could catch a ride to the airport with Scott Wedman and Jerry Sichting. The Globe won’t allow it now.

Red: Okay Dan, whatever. Good night.

CHB: Okay Red, thanks for the chat. Those 80s sure were the good ole days werent they Red? Anyways, I will be at the gym before you Red.

Red: I'm dead, Dan.

CHB: Oops, sorry about that Red. Good bye.

Oh God, No!

That was my reaction upon seeing the headline to this column.

Dan writing about Red Auerbach had to be expected. Since Red's death, Dan had honored him by tossing Red trivia into all sorts of columns, relevancy be damned. Now we have a whole column devoted to the legend of Red.

And the column is pretty good. It's original, has a consistent point of view, all the things you hope for in a column.

The Seasons Change, Dan Stays the Same

You have to feel for Dan. With the game all but over midway through the fourth quarter, Dan probably was on cruise control. But with the Lakers' furious comeback, Dan was forced to do some work, however little it was.

Dan's game columns have taken on a depressing familiarity. About halfway through the column, Dan shoehorns some trivia from the game, including the celebrity attendance roll. Wilt Chamberlain could have risen from the dead to play for the Lakers and Dan would need to fill space with celebrity sightings and passive-aggressive shots at Curt Schilling. Don't want those bon mots to go to waste, regardless of when they were written.

Then the column concludes with an uninspired game recap, filled with statistics.



"Boorrring!"

The Waltons

Shaughnessy has an excellent look at the Walton family. Bill Walton thinks the Celtics will win but is rooting for his son Luke to get a championship. It really is a very nice perspective of how fondly and passionately Bill Walton considered his life in Boston in the mid 1980s. Makes you wonder why he ever moved. Shaughnessy does a very good job with pieces like this and this is one of his better efforts.

Chris Called it

Dan writes about last night's game and focuses on Paul Pierce's heroic return to the game after suffering an injury. Said it was mildly reminiscent of Larry Bird's return in a 1991 playoff game. Chris called it here.

Dan also has a piece in which he bookmarks memorable events in his life against years in which the Lakers and Celtics played in series. I did not find it to be bad but rather self-indulgent and boring. He has a snide comment about how it would be against Globe policy now for him to receive cigars from Red Auerbach - why he can't comprehend that it is not a good idea to fraternize with the people you cover is beyond me.

A Look at Paul Pierce

Dan has an in-depth look at Paul Pierce. It is not a column, so there isn't much there. It reviews the struggles and development of Paul Pierce over ten tumultuous years for him and the Celtics franchise and Dan manages to tie it together nicely at the end.

I Thought the Internet Was Evil?

Dan appears live and in living color on boston.com's Celtic Blog.

Here is Dan talking about the history of the matchup:


A few things of note:

-I guess those Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen references take time.

-He picks the Celtics. Let's see how that holds up in the next 24 hours.

-"I'll be at the gym before you"? Huh?



This is Dan talking about the 2-3-2 Finals setup:


- LARRY BIRD REFERENCE!!!!!!

So it's okay for Dan to talk to the masses via the internet, but if Curt Schilling ever deigns to talk to the fans through the medium, it is an affront to all that is good and holy.

Lakers v. Celtics

(My regrets for being a day late in posting--it was a busy Saturday)

Dan writes about the Celtics series-clinching win in Game 6 over the Lakers. Every day is Thanksgiving, he tells us. (I think Christmas may have been the more apt metaphor).

Decent article with three comments from Ma's basement

- Shaughnessy says, "The Celtics led, 24-21, after one, a quarter dominated by a couple of former University of Connecticut Huskies." but he only discusses the effort of one (Allen) and not the other (Hamilton). I am willing to bet he may be the victim of bad editing on that one.

- Strange quote from Kevin Garnett. Talks about how he loved to watch the Celtics play the Lakers on Sunday afternoons with the "fire going". Garnett is from South Carolina--hard to imagine fires going in June in South Carolina.

- Manufactured Nickname Alert: Shaughnessy loves to dole out the nicknames - hoping something will stick perhaps so he can launch his next book with a catchy name. In this case, we have an in incomplete sentence tied with it. He discusses the Celtics return to greatness. "With the New Three."

Standard fare otherwise - not bad, not great. I am grateful he spared us from calling it "David Stern's dream matchup" because that one is wearing a little thin on me.