Thursday, May 29, 2008

I don't get paid enough for this crap

We all knew that Dan would be happy after a Celts' win, as he has been alternating between joy and agony for the length of the series.

What stunned me about this column was it's sheer stupidity. A reader will know what lays in store by the third sentence:

"We didn't even have courtside fan Bill Belichick tossing a red beanbag to challenge an official's call."

What else?

He misuses the talk radio term "Long time. First Time."

He starts listing things.

And this paragraph is placed awkwardly between one regarding the temperature in the building and one about the game:

The stars came out for Boston's big game. Belichick was seated next to the Pistons' bench and had a chance to visit with Tedy Bruschi and Vince Wilfork along the baseline. You didn't have to look far to see John Havlicek, Penny Marshall, and Ellen Pompeo.

Hey Dan, just because you wrote the paragraph during or before the game, doesn't mean you have to shoehorn it into the final column.

The final few paragraphs are just a mishmash of statistics and restatements of what he wrote earlier.


roger bournival said...

Don't forget to update the right sidebar for two more Larry Bird references!

Indeed, a lot of stupidity in the column. My favorite:

As they say in the radio biz, First Time-Long Time.

Two paragraphs earlier, he mentions that the Celtics went to the 1987 finals. Somehow this year would be the first time? Say again?

dbvader said...

I guess Dan doesn't know that "First Time-Long time" is short hand for "First time caller, long time listener." What about not calling a talk radio program has to do with being in the Finals for the first time in a long time is beyond me.

roger bournival said...

I guess Dan doesn't know that "First Time-Long time" is short hand for "First time caller, long time listener."

Dan doesn't seem to know much, does he?

Chris said...

You are witnessing the extended twilight of a Boston sports media icon. The downward spiral of Dan Shaughnessy is sad but amusing to watch, and it mirrors a similar trajectory of the newspaper he works for. His columns for the past month have been, at the same time, both redundant and awful. It is too bad that Shaughnessy resorts to so many references from past decades. I guess that is his way of telling everyone that 'things were a whole lot better back then.' For one, the Internet and blogs didn't exist.

JJS37 said...

This is one of those Shank-O-Matic columns. Like a clone of Shank wrote it. Has all the stuff in it:

1) There's no real point? Check.
2) References to Bird and at least 20 years ago? Check. (You wonder if he wrote about the 1960's in 1985??)
3) Listing things? Check.
4) Toke reference to BB or LB or DJ (or anyone from the core '84-88 team)? Check.
5) Completely missing the point? Check.

Doesn't the story seem to center around Pierce saying that he was glad they won this one because they would have HAD to win in Detroit? Doesn't that seem like a story? He's basically saying, "Hey, we probably won't win in game 6, but we have 7 in Boston."

Whatever. This is why he's a douche.

Monkeesfan said...

Shank, you mean Bill Belichick didn't throw a beanbag out to challenge a ref's call? And it's absolutely SHOCKING and DISHEARTENING?


Geez Louise, Shank, you keep redefining lame.

Monkeesfan said...

OMG, here it comes - the Shankometer is going to hit time-warp mode with references to movies like Footloose, Against All Odds, Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom, and whatever other 1984-7 culture he can come up with. Larry vs. Magic, Karim, McHale, and Rambis references will abound. Jack Nicholson's movies will be used as sentence cliches - "Garnett's basket over Gasol was an easy rider move" "The two jakes of Bryant and Gasol couldn't solve the mystery of Paul Pierce" - and all the other trademarks of Shank writing will come to the fore like never before.

Why, did you know that in 1984 the Colts moved in the middle of th night from Baltimore to Indianapolis? Did you know that the USFL entered its second season during the Celtics' run to #16? Did you know that there was an assistant coach with the New York Giants nmed Belichick during 1984?

Yep, insight like that is bound to be revealed in the comng weeks.

GOD! It's going to be wonderful! So thinks his Shankness.