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Monday, May 12, 2008

"You don't write funny."

Dan takes a lighthearted look at what Celtics management will do to make the players think they are playing in Boston tonight.

Wait, is 'lighthearted' the term people use when they want to say 'painfully unfunny', but don't want to appear mean? Either way, that is what I meant. By the end of the piece he is simply reeling off names of people who nobody reading would care about.

Update: Apparently Dan got a few facts wrong. Massachusetts Liberal provides the corrections.

Via Universal Hub

14 comments:

Chris said...

Does anybody else agree that Shaughnessy is writing more frequently now than ever before? I liken this to a lightbulb that burns brightest just before is blows out.

Anonymous said...

Here's the wisdom from Marty's Ivory Tower:

We're a legitimate playoff team for the first time in 20 years. Let's whack out Jackie MacMullan and Peter May.

Things are going very well at the Globe. Just ask OB!

Your Pal,

Timmy

Chris said...

OB must have gotten whacked at The Globe. I think he realized that defending said 'esteemed journalistic institution' was simply pointless because either he or his 'friends' got sent to the Land of Misfit Newspaper Workers.

Anonymous said...

OB could not post today because he is doubled over with laughter after reading Shank's column

Sunday Sunflower Seeds said...

I can't even tell if this is true today. Are the Celtics actually wearing their home uniforms tonight? Isn't the point of journalism to help readers understand things, not to confuse them?

roger bournival said...

This morning, a copy of the Globe will be set outside each player's room.

Yep, that's the first thing I read every morning.

If Kevin Garnett flips on his clock radio, he'll hear Glenn Ordway and friends screaming over each other on "The Big Show."

Well, that part's right...

Yeah, this one runs out of steam pretty quickly, but then I see this:

The Cavaliers have been pretty accommodating about everything, but they drew the line at Gino.

Having seen a painful reminder on YouTube about the Gino 'phenomenon', it harkens back to a simpler time in my youth, growing up in the mean streets of Manchester, New Hampshire. South Willow Street used to have a drive-in theater until the mid-70's (it was near Nutts Pond), then they tore it down and made it part of the strip-mall scene on that road as a Bradlee's (retail store) and an Alexander's (supermarket) on that lot as the anchor stores. At the far left end of that lot they had this meduim size disco bar (cannot remember the name at present), and my older brother told me the following about one unfortunate patron of the discotheque:

"There was this guy who walked in with really tight spandex pants and eight inches of kielbasa in his banana sack. You know, to impress the ladies! He keels over and passes out after 5 minutes in the place because the pants and the kielbasa constricted his blood flow to the point where he passed out, and the EMT's laughed their asses off when they had to cut the guy's pants off and figured out what happened."

There are certain eras of mankind that are best not revisited. Dan and I have provided you with a valuable public service why the disco era needs as much concrete as Chernobyl.

Chris said...

Please...after this latest Celtics 4th quarter meltdown I sure hope Shaughnessy doesn't feel compelled to write yet another column on how 'dreadful' LeBron James has been. The thing about Shaughnessy and his columns is that they are proven utterly ridiculous before the ink has even dried.

Chris said...

So how many times will Shaughnessy or Globe headline writers use the word 'Eerie' this week? Yawn.

Objectivebruce said...

Nope, didn't get whacked at the Globe. Had a beneficial financial connection with the Globe only once. I got one-and-one-half cents for every Evening Globe delivered.

The Globe sold more than 300,000 copies today and will do the same tomorrow. Yup, revenue is down and yup, staff is being reduced. But the Globe still produces better daily journalism than anything else you see, read or hear in New England. Buy outs are always a risk for an employer, because they tend to be attractive to stars who may have wanted to try something else, and who take a buy-out so they will have a level of security as they try something, whether it is new media, electronic or freelancing and bookwriting. These decisions are based on a lot of factors, such as age of the kids, college tuition exposure and retirement plans, so it's not true that people who take a buyout are being whacked out.

As for this column, clearly not one of the best, but I'd go easy on him for tossing in a few "names of people who people reading would care about." A lot of that was about throwing just a small dab of recognition to the people who do the grunt work day in and day out for little money while sports stars and media stars strut about. It shows a lot about Shaughnessy that he knows their names and stretched a column to throw them a small bit of recognition. But I can understand the difficulty in realizing a class act when you see it.

paul said...

"Yup, revenue is down and yup, staff is being reduced."

So, OB finally admits that things aren't going well at the Globe...wait hold on a sec...

(later)

I just had to look out my window and see if there were any pigs flying.

Well, OB has moved past the denial phase of grief. Now we have to look forward to anger, bargaining, and depression.

dbvader said...

Transcribing names from a media guide does not a class act make.

Anonymous said...

You know what was brilliant, OB? Whacking Peter May between the Atlanta series and the Cleveland series.

Pure genius!

By the way, I know a class act when I see one. And you, my good friend, are certainly classy.

Stay classy, OB!

Your pal,

Timmy

Objectivebruce said...

Sure, circulation is down, it is with virtually all non-national newspapers. But they still sell more than 300,000 copies every single day. The Globe isn't going anywhere, and there's no need for grief or depression.

I like how you guys just make stuff up. Like "transcribing names from a media guide." That's gratuitous, unsubstantiated nonsense which reflects on the person who said it, rather than the person he said it about.

Then there's Peter May "wacked" between playoff series. Um, he accepted an offered buyout.

Nice try Timmy!! Keep trying!! Someday you'll get it!!

Anonymous said...

Peter May was whacked. Globe is circling the drain.
Okay, OB? Great, thanks!

Hey, how come the Globe never apologized to the Zantop family like the Herald did to the Patriots?
Oh, that's right, the Patriots have better lawyers.


Take care, OB! Say hi to Marty!

Your pal,

Timmy