Dan Shaughnessy, Still An Asshole

The Boston Bruins have won five of their last seven games before tonight's All-Star game, the Boston Celtics have won five of their last six games, the Beanpot starts tomorrow (Go, Northeastern!), and spring training for the Boston Red sox starts in less then three weeks.

Naturally, the Boston Globe's sole sports columnist decides to devote a fourth consecutive column to taking yet another shot at the New England Patriots, using the old shopworn techniques of fiction, speculation and conjecture to drive the point home:

Patriots would have been Super Bowl’s biggest story

This is the story you should be reading today . . .

SAN FRANCISCO — Football America is agog waiting for Super Bowl 50, where the New England Patriots will play the 17-1 Carolina Panthers next Sunday night at Levi’s Stadium. The Pats hope to become the fourth team in NFL history to win at least five Lombardi trophies.

Still basking in the glow of their pulsating overtime victory over the Denver Broncos in the AFC Championship game, the Patriots arrived here late Sunday night and each member of New England’s holy trinity of leaders delivered a few remarks upon arrival in the City By The Bay.

We here at Dan Shaughnessy Watch cannot stress this point enough - this column, and nearly every one he writes about the Patriots, does not contain an ounce of honesty or sincerity in any of them. This is glaringly evident in the following paragraph:

“It’s great to be back here in the big game,’’ said Patriots owner Robert Kraft. “On behalf of my family and myself, I want to remind you that we are all Patriots. I would also like to remind you again that we did nothing wrong in that Deflategate matter. Even though I rolled over at the league meetings and accepted the largest fine in league history, and the loss of two draft picks, including a first-rounder, I would expect that the league would apologize to our team and to Coach [Bill] Belichick and Tom Brady for what they have had to endure. A year later, I am still disappointed in how this has been handled.’’

...and this one:

After their cross-country flight (Steve Burton, Richard Berman, Jim McNally, and Alex Guerrero all made the trip with the team, as did the Krafts’ custom-built lifeguard chairs), the Patriots retreated to their Super Bowl hotel headquarters inside the old prison walls on the island of Alcatraz.

Pass on the rest of the column; it's dripping with the same levels of raw hate and sarcasm as the above sampled paragraphs.

I wonder what Shank will be talking about on Zo and Bertrand come Tuesday morning? Is he really this predictable? If I was a member of the 98.5 management team calling the shots and knowing this would be his material, I'd tell him to take the week off.

There's No News Like Bad News

'Hey, guys - remember when Bill Belichick was hired as coach of the New England Patriots back in 2000 and his team really, really sucked? Those were the days!'

There was a nice little exchange when Bill Belichick was interviewed on “Dale and Holley” Wednesday and was reminded that Jan. 27 was the date he was hired by the Patriots back in 2000. It’s been kind of a rough week for the Hoodie,

...so Shank does his little part to help end the week on a miserable note, like with these highlights:

The coveted Belichick had gone 36-44 in five seasons as head coach of the Cleveland Browns. His only playoff win was against Parcells’s Patriots on Jan. 1, 1995.

Belichick’s first year in New England was hardly a turnaround season. It was quite the opposite. The Patriots started 0-4 and finished 5-11. This means that Belichick’s career record was 41-55 in his first six seasons as an NFL head coach.

...and with helpful reminders of Shank fully supporting the new coach of the Patriots and grant him the time he needs to build a contending team.

Ahhh, who am I kidding?

Here’s how one Boston columnist (OK, it was me) reviewed the Cleveland debacle: “It’s been 10 painful weeks and there is nothing left to say other than the once-unthinkable refrain: ‘Bring back Pete Carroll.’ . . . The wreck of the SS Robert Kraft washed up on the shores of Lake Erie yesterday and it was an ugly sight. This must be the bottom. Your Super Bowl team of 1996 officially plunged to the nadir, losing to a second-year team that had dropped seven straight games and hadn’t scored a touchdown since Oct. 15 . . . We are back to the days of Clive Rush and Rod Rust. The Patriots have lost 14 of their last 18 football games. Bill Belichick was in charge of bringing respectability back to New England football, but right now fans would settle for a little dignity, which was in short supply on Bloody Sunday in Ohio.’’

Three weeks later, after the Patriots beat a bad Chiefs team on “Monday Night Football,” I wrote, “It was depressing to see how far the Patriots have fallen and to know that all of America was in on the joke. Those Monday Night Tuna Bowls with the Jets seem so far away . . . Patriot fans have proven to be a patient lot this year. The anger and outrage fostered by the Pete Carroll era have given way to benign acceptance of a losing team under Belichick . . . Last night the whole country saw how things have deteriorated, and it may be a long time before the people from ‘Monday Night Football’ return.’’

Nice of Shank to make himself part of the story, isn't it?

And who's fool enough to think this last sentence is sincere?

Bill Belichick recovered from his Cleveland experience and recovered from his first season in New England, and something tells me he will recover nicely from a hurtful and controversial loss in the AFC Championship game at Denver last Sunday.

Rehash Radio

Care to take a guess about the topic currently being discussed on 98.5 FM?

On @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. They agree with me. Pats would have beaten Denver in Foxboro. Season was needlessly lost in Miami Jan 3.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 26, 2016

Nobody has a grasp on conventional wisdom like Shank!

Manning Up

Today The CHB plumbs the depths of the Patriots loss to the Broncos, looking for meaning in what, at the end of the day, was simply a close loss to a team that didn't make any real mistakes.

Oh, sure, he finds lots of stories, much in the way that a rat combing through the sewage finds lots of garbage.

Through all the false story lines, where it gets really obnoxious is his flaccid attempt to elevate Broncos QB Peyon Manning. He writes: "Guess we can all stop mocking the Manning family now. Brady has now lost five consecutive playoff games to the Manning Bros." Well, two of those were to Peyton's brother, and no one around New England mocks Eli Manning anyway. So much for that straw man.

He's been making this strange case for years, for no apparent reason other than to be an ass. Remeber when he wrote:

Peyton Manning is better than Tom Brady. ... Sorry, folks. Sometimes the truth hurts. And the truth is that outside New England, this argument is over. Everywhere else in the continental United States. The proverbial ship has sailed and its name is the SS Peyton.

That was in February 2010, after which time Brady broke Dan Marino's single-season passing yardage record, threw six TDs in a single playoff game (tying another record), became the first quarterback to lead his team to 13 division titles, set a record for playoff appearances by a quarterback, broke Joe Montana's record for career playoff touchdowns. In the five seasons since Shank wrote that, Brady has passed for more than 23,000 yards and 167 touchdowns. Manning meanwhile, has thrown for 17,000 yards and 140 TDs. Oh yeah, Manning's also thrown six more picks over that same time. Find the NFL coach who would take Manning for Brady, straight up. No exists.

What CHB doesn't want is excuses. "You don’t deserve to win when you rush for 44 yards and convert 2 of 15 third downs," he writes. "It would be nice if we don’t hear any moaning about injuries. This is football, people. Attrition is part of every season. Ultimately, the Patriots had most of their weapons for the biggest game of the season."

Oddly, here's what he wrote about one Peyton Manning in late 2010 after Mr. HGH threw three picks, including one to seal yet another Colts loss to the Pats:

Peyton Manning's going to be exhausted by the time he gets to the end of this season, that's for sure. It's can't be easy carrying the Indianapolis Colts all by himself. He has no running game. He doesn't have a lot of healthy, experienced receivers. He's got guys dropping passes and running the wrong way. And still he almost beat the Patriots in New England on Sunday.

So no excuses, unless it's The CHB making them? Check.

There's literally nothing of value here. Why did the Pats decide to take the ball when they won the coin flip? Shank asks the question but doesn't know the answer. Guess the bravest columnist Joe Sullivan ever met^TM didn't quite have the guts to pose that one.

Throw in an ancient Celtics-Lakers reference which will hold meaning only to octogenarians and you have The CHB's AFC Championship game wrap.

Nope, Didn't See This One Coming

At long last, Shank finally gets to take that long awaited huge dump on the New England Patriots. Let the second guessing commence!

This never should have happened.

The New England Patriots, a team on a mission that started the season 10-0, are bounced from Super Bowl contention because they outsmarted themselves and wound up having to win a road game in a very tough venue in the AFC Championship game.

The top-seeded Denver Broncos played great defense and beat the Patriots, 20-18, at Sports Authority Field Sunday. Intrepid Tom Brady drove the Pats to a last-minute touchdown and pulled them to within 2 points in the closing seconds, but Brady’s potential game-tying 2-point conversion pass was tipped and intercepted, ending the Patriots season. And so New England’s Revenge Tour that followed the Deflategate mess ended with a whimper in the Mile High City.

Sorry to say this, but the 2015-16 Patriots are something of a myth. They are forever the fortunate champs of the hideous AFC East, but they cannot win a road playoff game. They have not won a road playoff game in more than nine years (San Diego, January 2007).

This team is a myth? What the hell's that supposed to mean? Then again, we should be glad he didn't call them 'frauds'.

Second point - total division wins wins during the regular season, at 36, are shared between the AFC East and the NFC South. Shank is either lying or clueless here, but it allows him to try and dismiss what the Patriots did this year in order to denigrate them by using words like 'myth' and the like.

I wonder how many columns and radio / Comcast Sports Net appearances he'll get out of this?

Second Guessing A Third Time

With nothing new or interesting to say about the Patriots / Broncos game, Shank keeps bringing up the past:

Still feeling good about the Pats giving the game away in Miami at the end of the season?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

We get it, Shank...

Unprofessional Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Still mad at the Krafts, bro?

Great to see the Kraft High Chairs made the road trip to Denver

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

Embarassing Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Is Shank really watching this game?

If not for Ernie Adams challenge, Pats offense would be shut out in this first half.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

Except it was a) Bill Belichick that, you know, threw the challenge flag, and b) Gostkowski kicking a field goal in the second quarter. Other than that, the tweet was accurate!

UPDATE AT 5:00 PM - The commenters are giving him the business:

@Dan_Shaughnessy they kicked a field goal. Idiot.

— Andrew Caraway (@Caraway6) January 24, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy how do you still have a job?

— Rick Teves(@Sole_Specific) January 24, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy if your mother had wheels, she'd be a wagon

— JC98 (@jasonpcarter) January 24, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy you must be enjoying the sh*t out of this

— Ed Sweet (@133russell) January 24, 2016

Second Guessing A Second Time

Shank, January 3rd:

So . . . the Patriots really don't care about home field vs. Denver in potential AFC championship?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 3, 2016

Shank, about fifteen minutes ago:

Pats went for health and didn't try to beat the Dolphins in season finale. Put them in Denver today. How's that working out so far?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

Shank sure does enjoy his role as the Globe's resident asshole...

Troll Level - High

Shank's bringing his A game today:

Patriots looked scared to me. You?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

We all still laughing at Manning??

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

UPDATE AT 3:31 PM - One more for good measure:

Pats are looking good thus far, no?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

UPDATE AT 3:41 PM Just remember - you don't have to be consistent to be a troll!

Two For Two

How predictable is Shank? This predictable:

No double score today. Dammit!

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

It Begins

The sun will rise, the sun will set, and Shank will tweet about a coin flip before a Patriots game:

Pats have won 28 of last 37 coin flips. A statistical improbabillty. See how this goes today. If Pats will, they will defer. If Pats lose?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 24, 2016

...which is an improvement - a month ago, Shank deemed this an impossibility.

T Minus Two Hours...

The New England Patriots and the Denver Broncos will kick off in under two hours at Sports Authority Field in Denver, and we don't have any stupid, pedestrian and repetitive tweets from Shank regarding the coin flip and or the double score. Is he holding out on us, depriving this site of mockable material, or has he become (like Skynet) self-aware and realize what a jackass these tweets make him look like?

Tune in at 3:00, folks!

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXXII

While we wait for the inevitable Brady / Manning column from Our Man Shank, let's take a look at the newspaper industry, with a mention of our favorite local broadsheet:

Then, amid the hubbub about the Boston Globe’s delivery problems, I was struck by the Globe’s statement that they have only 115,000 daily print subscribers, and only 205,000 on Sunday. Really? I had had a sense that the Globe was still much bigger than that. So I poked around online, and, indeed found much larger numbers for Globe print circulation.

But they were from 2013, which is the last time print newspaper circulation figures were widely reported.

The simple chart below lays out the numbers for “total average print circulation” of the nation’s 25 largest newspapers as of March 2013. These are the basis for the figures you get if you Google search the issue or look for a list on Wikipedia. Then the chart compares these with the number of copies most recently reported to the Alliance for Audited Media (in September 2015) for “individually paid print circulation,” that is the number of copies being bought by subscription or at newsstands. This is the best indication of consumer demand for the product. In both cases, the figures are for weekday average circulation. Sunday numbers are generally higher.

Average annual decline in daily circulation for the Globe = 7.44%, which does not include 6,400 undelivered Globes from a few weeks ago.

I bet you're glad you took the Globe buyout in 2008, aren't you, Bruce M***?

When It Comes to Red Sox, Shank Knows No 'Off' Season

Call this the bad taste column. The premise is: John Farrell's cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment last season might have saved his job.

For anyone else, it's a moot question. Farrell is the manager, and the team management has never even hinted that they were thinking of firing him.

Given the circumstances, The CHB is uncharacteristically restrained. The snideness is there, mind you, but it's subtle. Interim manager Torey Lovullo went 28-20, we are reminded, meaning perhaps he -- and not the three-time last place finisher Farrell -- should be managing this season. Of course, The CHB would never think of writing that those wins constituted a "garbage time surge." (Oh wait: he did.)

The CHB has been picking this nit for months. Like here. And here. Sadly for all of us, he's just not going to stop.

Nor will he stop playing fast and loose with the facts. Here's a couple samples from today's mail-in job:

Statement: "A lot of Red Sox players were sent packing."

Fact: Every player who appeared in the final game of the 2015 season remains on the 40 man roster as of today, with the exception of third string catcher Sansdy Leon (whom they want to re-sign) and relief pitcher Alexi Ogando. The only other major leaguers who were with the team at the end of 2015 and whom will wear a different uniform this season are starting pitcher Wade Miley and a pair of journeymen pitchers (Craig Breslow and Rich Hill) who combined for 109 innings pitched last year.

Statement: "(Farrell's)bosses spent millions and dealt futures in the pursuit of winning now."

Fact: Those "futures" were blocked, completely. Two middle infielders -- Javier Guerra and 2B Carlos Asuaje -- would be sitting forever behind Red Sox icon Dustin Pedrioa and 22-year old Silver Bat winner Xander Bogaerts. OF Manuel Margot has about a million young outfielders ahead of him and top prospect Andrew Benintendi right behind him. Pitcher Jason Allen is just that -- a minor league pitcher seen as a possible number 3 starter, in other words, Wade Miley.

Spring training can't get here fast enough.

DHL Dan - XXX

The title of Shank's last column, written yesterday:

Peyton Manning getting no respect around here

It should then be no surprise to anyone what he regurgitated talked about on the Zo and Bertrand show today, is it?

On with @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. I am told Beetle's been crushing me for claiming there is no local respect for Peyton.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 20, 2016

Yuuup!

Dan Shaughnessy of The Boston Globe joined Zo and Bertrand and discussed his view that Peyton Manning is not receiving the respect he deserves at this point in his career.

If the primary reason for Shank going on their radio show is to rehash a column he wrote a day or two before his appearance, why does CBS Boston bother with this exercise in redundancy?

Paging Rodney Dangerfield

Subtitle - Shank's starting the trolling early this week:

Peyton Manning’s résumé says he should be getting a little more respect around here as we prepare for the AFC Championship Joust and the 17th playing of the 18-12 Overture.

He gets none.

Manning should be Jeter.

Instead, he is A-Rod.

Patriot fans have already moved past Manning and the Denver Broncos (is that what the callers were saying on 98.5 the past few days? - ed.). It’s all about plane reservations to San Francisco (remember little Tommy Brady cheering for Joe Montana back in the day?) and what do you think of the Patriots’ chances against the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50? Even the wiseguys in Vegas have established the road-tripping Patriots as favorites. All the smart money is on New England.

Or maybe he's just being contrarian!

The Patriots themselves aren’t silly enough to do this. Folks in Foxborough know they still have to Do Their Job, and that is what the Patriots are preparing to do.

But has any superstar ever generated less fear and respect than Manning in New England in 2016 as the Patriots and Broncos prepare for a conference championship?

Have you found a single Patriot fan who is worried about this game? Just one?

Right here, douchebag! Naturally, Shank needs to resort to hyperbole or oversell his argument to make this contrarian point.

Wait - do I see a rational point or two in this column?

Now all the confidence and mockery of the opposition is back. No one seems to be the least bit concerned that Brady has never won a playoff game in Denver (0-2), or that he is 2-6 lifetime in the Mile High City.

Well, that didn't last long - Shank then goes and contradicts the premise of the column and piles on Peyton. And what Shank article is complete without a bunch of non-football references?

So now this once-great Bill Russell-Wilt Chamberlain duel is viewed here in New England as an homage to Brady as Greatest Of All Time (GOAT), while Manning is pitied and mocked as if he’s Brian Hoyer or Brandon Weeden.

Poor Peyton. Nine touchdown passes, 17 interceptions this season. Smart guys are calling for Denver coach Gary Kubiak to go with Brock Osweiler. Manning can’t break a pane of glass with his jelly arm. We clock the hang time of his passes. He’s throwing better knucklers than R.A. Dickey.

Manning is a 39-year-old Tiger Woods, stripped of dignity and health, unable to make the cut. He is Pedro Martinez, struggling to make his final start with the Phillies in the 2009 World Series. He is a damaged Muhammad Ali enduring a beating from Larry Holmes in Vegas in 1980. He is 41-year-old Bob Cousy making a seven-game comeback with the Cincinnati Royals in 1969.

Throw in Brady's 11-5 record head to head against Peyton, and there are your counterarguments.

Bonus Shankism!

The Sons of Archie were not raised to be game managers. They grew up as gunslingers.

And the near-finsh:

Despite those somewhat respectable numbers, Manning is universally mocked in New England. Maybe it’s his propensity for choking in the postseason. Maybe it’s the sing-song insurance ads. Maybe it’s the way the HGH story rolled off his back while Deflategate stuck to Brady like a freshwater leech.

I wonder how that perception ever came to be?

UPDATE, 1/20/16, 2:20 PM - Link to original story added; my apologies.

We're On To Denver

...and based on Denver's win over Pittsburgh an hour or so ago, what are the odds of Shank churning out a highly innovative and original Brady / Manning column / hatchet job in the next six days? All he needs to do is throw in two or three original paragraphs, copy and paste a good portion of columns he's already written on this rivalry, and call it a day!

Time permitting, loyal readers, I'll do my best to identify each of Shank's previous column efforts on all of the sixteen prior Brady / Manning matchups, just to illustrate the extent of Shank's use of CTRL-C and CTRL-V.

We're On To Denver Or Pittsburgh

Shank, notably changing his tune from six days ago yet again, delivers a semi-decent column on this afternoon's game between the Patriots and the Chiefs, with helpful reminders about their travails from last year's Super Bowl run, just in case you forgot :

FOXBOROUGH — After 12 months of ideal gas law, the Wells Report in context, “more likely than not,” warm drinks, and trash cans, the Patriots are right back where they always seem to be at the end of January: They will play in the AFC Championship game for the fifth consecutive winter. A Patriot season that started with Scott Zolak screaming into the headsets of Mike Tomlin and Ben Roethlisberger looks like it might extend all the way to Super Bowl 50 in Santa Clara, Calif., on Feb. 7.

The Pats punched their ticket to another conference title game with a not-as-close-as-it-looks 27-20 victory over the Kansas City Chiefs at Gillette Stadium on Saturday night. New England will play next Sunday at 3:05 p.m., either at Denver or in Foxborough vs. Pittsburgh, pending the outcome of Sunday’s divisional-round joust between the Broncos and Steelers.

The standard game recap follows - skip it if you watched the game, because there's nothing new or insightful there.

This last paragraph / sentence is curious / stupid:

The New England Patriots, once the joke of the NFL, are now the gold standard of excellence; the best franchise in America’s most popular sport.

He writes this as though it's a recent event. This is simply further evidence that whenever Shank heaps praise on the Patriots, he's not sincere about it.

Aping JFK?

Ignoring the lame German for a moment (Ich bin...), but remember when the Pittsburgh Steelers were the Patriots' most feared opponent in the playoffs? Guess who's rooting for them now?

Patriot Fans: All together now . . . "Ich Bein Ein Steeler Fan"

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 17, 2016

The Stupid, It Burns - IV

Just in case you missed it the first time - your dumb (second) Dreaded Coin Flip tweet:

Chiefs call tails. Coin comes up tails. Chiefs deferred. So they DO have a chance

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 16, 2016

At least we now avoid the Double Score Tweet, so that's nice...

Tough Call, I Know

You could set your watch to this metronome of mediocrity:

As we wait just remember that the Pats have won 28 of the last 36 coin flips. Alex Speier tells me this is a statistical unliklihood.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 16, 2016

UPDATE AT 4:48 PM - Best response so far:

@Dan_Shaughnessy you are a totally unique, profound and original tweeter.

— Al Pica (@Poundstone12) January 16, 2016

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXXI

While we wait for Shank to further make a fool of himself with the Dreaded Coin Flip tweet, let's take a look at how things are going at the Boston Globe:

NEWTON — The regular carriers were long gone, and all the newspapers should have been gone with them.

So it was in great frustration that John W. Henry, The Boston Globe’s owner and publisher, stood alone at a crude table in an austere distribution warehouse last Sunday browsing printouts of unstaffed delivery routes laid neatly upon each other like cards in a solitaire game.

“It’s 6,400 papers,” he said, grimly, to no one in particular.

Nearly every one of those copies of his flagship product, the Boston Sunday Globe, would remain undelivered that day. More than 6,000 subscribers would again open their doors to no morning paper, fully two weeks into a bizarre crisis in which the Globe’s switch to a new distribution partner, ACI Media Group, led to a delivery service meltdown.

At least you have some fine future dormitories for UMass-Boston real estate with that investment, Mr. Henry!

Thank You, Captain Obvious

This will look different in a few hours pic.twitter.com/jAEiBAhnFq

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 16, 2016

Next up - stupid tweets about coin flips and double scores. Stay tuned!

And Now For Some Bill Belichick Bashing

Not by me, of course - we leave that to the professionals like Shank, who has written this column many, many times before. Take it away, Shank!

Sixteen years. That’s how long we’ve been watching these Bill Belichick press conferences.

Most of them are the same. Bill grunts. Sniffs. Snorts. He occasionally teaches some football.

Does he fart between grunts? What's he sniffing and snorting, and can I get some of it? That's what I want to know!

...
I can remember a couple of times when he went off script and appeared genuine, true . . . almost human.

I knew it - Belichick is part of the Borg collective - resistance is futile!

Once was back in July of 2013 when he came out to talk (one time only) about Aaron Hernandez’s arrest on a murder change. Another beauty was last winter’s Mona Lisa Vito presser when Belichick vigorously defended his team and taught us about ideal gas law.

Last but not least, who could forget late last summer when the Hoodie reached his Deflategate limit and famously lashed out at charges of “warm drinks and trash cans’’?

I've always been amused at this verbiage. 'Lashed out' = reporter speak for 'I don't like how he's forcefully responding to our bullshit!'.

Patriots fans absolutely love this. Ours must be the only football region where fans hungry for information are the same folks who applaud madly when that information is denied.

There seems to be quite a bit of information about the Chandler Jones incident and even unique theories about Belichick's black eye if you bother to look for it. Shank's just pissed that it's not him or his fellow Boston Globies in control of this information, which has been a theme we've been blogging about for what seems like eons now.

Go figure. The people who comb the Internet and listen to sports radio 24/7 are the same folks who just love to see Bill deliver the middle finger to a roomful of reporters. The Patriot Way. Do Your Job. Defend The Wall.

That's one reason I love blogging. And Shank drops a Col. Jessup reference? He's almost in the 21st century, folks!

Behold, as Shank equates recreational drug use to multiple murders:

Last Sunday, one of the Patriots’ best players, Chandler Jones, walked into the Foxborough Police Station, shirtless, in a confused state after reportedly ingesting synthetic marijuana and who knows what else? (Outstanding slander there, Shank! - ed.) We’ll never know, thanks in some part to a local police department that lied to the Boston Herald, then modified the police log. This is the same local police department paid by the Patriots to police things on game days.

It’s amazing. Just 2½ years after one of the Patriots goes on a murder spree — while he is a member of the team — we still have a Patriot-friendly police department ready to lie to the media and broom the docket to protect the team. What happened to all the vigilance promised after the Patriots were “duped” by Hernandez? Remember the official team flop house?

Meanwhile, don’t bother to ask the coach about his black eye. It’s far more important that we get back to Kansas City’s defensive coordinator and the alignment of the Chiefs’ front seven.

Did you ever answer questions about your son assaulting a cop while he was shitfaced, Shank? Just asking!

If the Patriots thrash the Chiefs Saturday, no one will be talking about Chandler Jones and “no shirt, no shoes, no problem” at the Foxborough police department. If they lose, the Jones incident will be framed as evidence that the Patriots were losing their way.

And we already know who will be spearheading that effort, don't we?

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXX

Since it doesn't look like we'll have Shank to kick around today, we'll just instead go to the next available target:

In my book Undocumented, I included a section on newspaper delivery. I criticized the way workers were classified as independent contractors, meaning that they could receive less than minimum wage and be excluded from workers’ compensation and unemployment benefits. I pointed out that they work 365 days a year, starting between one and four in the morning, could not miss a day of work unless they arranged for their own replacement, and had to drive hundreds of miles a week, paying for their own gas and car maintenance. Finally, I noticed that regardless of the severity of a snow emergency or whether the streets had even been plowed, workers were required to show up for their routes. “It’s a job,” I wrote, “made for an undocumented immigrant.” Indeed, in the Boston area and elsewhere in the United States, immigrants make up a large portion of the newspaper delivery labor force.

I never imagined that a few years later I would be sitting in a room with a half dozen newspaper delivery workers who were demanding a return to the conditions I had described—because the new Boston Globe delivery company, ACI Media Group of Long Beach California, had significantly worsened their working situation. In Lynn, Massachusetts, workers found significant labor and community support for their demands as members of the Lynn Worker Center, the North Shore Labor Council, the New Lynn Coalition, IUE-CWA Local 201, the Lynn City Council and the Lynn School Committee vowed to support their struggle.

Over the years the Boston Globe has piously lectured us about the importance of unions and the fair treatment of employees, only to have us witness the exact opposite treatment when it concerns their own employees. They deserve every word of criticism they're getting for this debacle, and I'm loving every damn millisecond of it.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXIX

I'm wondering when the same thing will happen at 135 Morrissey Boulevard...

NEW YORK -- Al Jazeera America will shut down its operations in the United States by the end of April, the company told employees in a meeting on Wednesday.

Al Jazeera America President Kate O’Brian tearfully relayed the news to stunned colleagues, alongside CEO Al Anstey. In a memo to staff, Anstey said the decision was driven by the “fact that our business model is simply not sustainable in an increasingly digital world, and because of the current global financial challenges.”

Get Yer Rehashed Columns Here!

Tune to 98.5 FM to hear Shank re-read yesterday's column:

On @ZoandBertrand now until noon. Zo is pumped and jacked like Pete Carroll. Bert Breer filling in for Beetle

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 12, 2016

UPDATE AT 11:05 AM: Even his stories are old. The Stones concert in Altamount, 1969? Really?

UPDATE AT 11:17 AM: Tough segment to listen to. Shank was silent most of the time, which was a blessing. He sounded very un-knowledgeable about pro football right before the end if the segment, screwing up multiple player names. Beetle's absence is obvious.

UPDATE AT 11:51 AM: What's this? "Dapper Dan's Dates of Distinction" - Various birthdays and 'On this day in history...' Riveting radio, guys!

UPDATE AT 12:02 AM: It was funny to listen to Shank butcher a few names during that segment...

A Tale Of Two Shanks - II

Attention, readers - while not exactly a newsflash, this is why Dan Shaughnessy is one of the worst sportswriters out there. In a span of less than twenty-four hours, Shank oscillates wildly from 'March of the Tomato Cans' (see the previous post) to this:

It feels different this year. The Patriots have dutifully signed up for the playoffs with their usual first-round bye and second-round home game (thank you, Buffalo, Miami, and New York), but this year it feels that in order to go to the Super Bowl, they are actually going to have to (gulp) . . . earn it. Imagine.

This year, the Tomato Cans have not toppled in the correct order. Everything has not gone New England’s way. A berth in Super Bowl 50 is going to have to be won by beating another good team in the playoffs. This time, it won’t be enough to stand back and watch the other guys set themselves on fire.

For the New England Patriots, nothing has changed in this one day time span, but he has the gall to write this column as though something did change. Anyone who has read this wildly inconsistent and illogical sportswriter for any length of time knows precisely why Shank's now pulling his punches - it is an effort, however insincere and lacking in consistency with previous columns, to appear even handed and semi-thoughtful and not the lazy and repetitive slouch he is.

It is also part of another strategy. When Shank bores us with an unrelenting torrent of 'tomato cans' tweets and columns, he is setting up the highest expectations possible for the Patriots so he can take his patented world class dump on them should they fail to deliver anything less than the Lombardi Trophy.

Do not be fooled by Shank's circus act.

90th Verse, Same As The First

Sometimes you're good at trolling, sometimes you're not. This is one of the latter times.

Pats prepare for playoffs pic.twitter.com/rFVIxkYfXD

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 10, 2016

Way to be lazy https://t.co/4VRjMF645f

— Scott Zolak(@scottzolak) January 10, 2016

The Stupid, It Burns - III

Shank tries stand-up comedy again:

Worried that Pete might call a slant pass after Vikings missed game winning FG

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 10, 2016

At Least He Was Nice Enough Not To Call Them Frauds

Twitter's One Trick Pony, ladies and gentlemen!

Houston. Texans. Tomato. Cans. It never changes.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 9, 2016

Familiar Concept

Shaughnessy? DuPont? Volin? Finn? You make the call !

It just wouldn't be the Globe without a sports writer looking down his nose at the fanbase on an almost daily basis. https://t.co/yHdFFjHnHg

— Andy from WEEI (@AndyWEEI) January 9, 2016

Didn't Know They Were Into That Sort Of Thing

Too much information here?

Always enjoy @DaleEArnold shitting on @Dan_Shaughnessy.

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) January 8, 2016

The One Where People Disagree With 'Objective'Bruce

Back at ya, Bruce!

The world is a better place when Kirk Minihane is writing. https://t.co/VcQkubbo7t

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) January 7, 2016

UPDATE AT 6:22 PM - Here's the link to the Minihane article, an excellent and much needed Tour de Force about the imploded credibility of ESPN's Chris Mortensen. Please add this to the massive media double standard on reporting about Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning that I mentioned in the post below.

In case you're wondering how this is related to Shank - his avatar is a picture of Shank. Close enough for me!

UPDATE II, AT 6:42 PM - Here's the thread that prompted this post.

UPDATE III, AT 6:50 PM - Typo corrected. Sorry, 'Objective'Bruve!

DHL Dan - XXIX

Yes, that number does seem pretty low, doesn't it?

In any event, I started wondering if Shank and the Patriots being off this week was a coincidence. How did I misjudge Shank's dedication to his craft?

Picked-up pieces while wondering whether this is the year Cincinnati Bengals coach Marvin Lewis (0-6) finally wins a playoff game.

That would be no...

■ Lots of boo-hoo “why did they pick on Tom Brady and let Peyton Manning off the hook?” programming on the numerous 24-7 Patriot propaganda radio shows this week.

When a reporter (among many others) shows one standard for a quarterback accused of deflating footballs (hang 'em high!) and then readily admits bias in dismissing the more serious charges of HGH use by another quarterback, it's not 'boo-hooing'. It's calling into question a serious charge of media bias, a concept Shank should be quite familiar with.

■ I’m taking the Bengals, Chiefs, Seahawks, and Packers this weekend. But I’m the same guy who thought the Patriots would actually try, and therefore demolish, the Dolphins last weekend.

So take the Steelers, Texans, Vikings and the Redskins, everybody!

Larry Bird sighting? You betcha!

■ LeBron James just turned 31 (Dec. 30, same birthday as Sandy Koufax and Tiger Woods) and has already played more career minutes than Larry Bird or Magic Johnson.

■ Nomar Garciaparra got eight Hall of Fame votes out of 440. He’s officially off the ballot. Think of what could have been. This man hit .372 and .357 as a righthanded batter in the American League. One year, he knocked in 98 runs batting leadoff. He was on his way to Cooperstown.

"Hey, Nomar - remember when we were best buddies? Good times, man!

■ When Kevin Garnett came through town with the T-Wolves last month, there was a lot of buzz about KG getting his Celtics number (5) retired. Danny Ainge is among those who thinks this is a good idea.

We all know Garnett is the one who changed everything in 2007-08 when the Celtics won their 17th championship. Still, I’m a tad reluctant on this one. Garnett played only six seasons here.

The best case for KG is Dennis Johnson, who played only seven seasons in Boston but got his number retired with no debate. DJ won two championships with the Green but certainly never had the impact Garnett did.

KG was instrumental in the Celtics winning that championship - retire his number.

This blogger is with Shank on this one - shitting on Rick Pitino!

■ Ranting about coverage of sex parties at his basketball players’ dormitory, Louisville coach Rick Pitino acknowledged, “Did one person do some scurrilous things? I believe so . . . For the life of me, I can’t figure it out. He knew better and was taught better by his parents and me.’’ Pitino is on slippery ground on this one. He’s the same guy who admitted to police that he had sex with a woman (who later tried to extort him) in a Louisville restaurant in 2003.

In case you were wondering, Shank still hates numbers:

■ Just when you think the Cleveland Browns can’t be any dumber, they hire a baseball analytics guy to rescue the franchise. Paul DePodesta is the Harvard guy portrayed by Jonah Hill in “Moneyball.’’ Clevelanders are hoping his skill set translates to football. What are the football equivalents of WAR, OPS, UZR, and high-leverage innings?

One of the few times Shank gets to hype his alma mater:

■ Former Holy Cross basketball star Bob Kissane, who played in Europe many years ago, suggests the NBA consider a rule that would allow the fouled team to take the ball and restart the shot clock instead of automatically going to the free throw line.

Lame bands from fifty years ago? We got you covered!

■ Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Brian Wilson (his cousin Mike Love is Kevin Love’s uncle) had his own version of Alex Guerrero back in the day. The fellow’s name was Dr. Gene Landy. Look him up sometime.

And what column is truly complete without a little more Boston Globe bashing?

■ The one and only good thing to come out of the Globe’s home-delivery nightmare is the reinforcement that a lot of you folks still care about your printed hometown newspaper and still consider it part of your daily routine. Thank you. We will do better.

Dwindling circulation numbers and ad revenue coupled with increased prices and reduced content - it's a bargain!

The One Where Shank Rehashes Yet Another Column

What's old is new again:

On with @ZoandBertrand now until noon. Lots of BB Hall of Fame talk. I love the BBWAA.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 7, 2016

Celebrating His Favorite Decade

Today in 1971, former heavyweight champ Sonny Liston is found dead. An intimidating man, in OR out of the ring. pic.twitter.com/oX2Pv5KPOX

— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) January 5, 2016

Keeping The Dream Alive

Trying to sell a few more books, Shank?

Reminded by Alex Speier, today is the 96th anniversary of Frazee selling Ruth to the Yankees. "Theyare taking quite a gamble,'' he warned.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 5, 2016

Important Question Asked

We've been wondering the same thing for over ten years, mate!

Can you now apologize for decades of shitty columns? https://t.co/R83Nsj2Sv4

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) January 4, 2016

Sorry to have used word "heroic" describing Globe staffers efforts on home delivery. Sloppy/inappropriate used of that word. My bad.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 3, 2016

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXVIII

Why not do it yourselves, like you used to? Teamsters cost too much?

Worst moves in John Henry's Boston tenure: 1. Carl Crawford. 2. Bobby Valentine. 3. Hiriing ACI Media Group to deliver Globe.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 4, 2016

A Tale Of Two Shanks

Shank, January 1st, 2016:

The Patriots are going to crush the Miami Dolphins Sunday.

Shank, January 3rd, 2016:

It feels as if the Patriots did not try to win their final game.

Insulting, Unprofessional Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Stay classy, Shank!

The high chairs are back! Or maybe Bob and Jon brought phone books for boost.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 3, 2016

Let The Second Guessing Begin! - II

Shank, who has pretended to be in the Patriots' corner for most of the season, now seems to have some doubts:

So . . . the Patriots really don't care about home field vs. Denver in potential AFC championship?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 3, 2016

Dead Horse, Beaten Some More

Shank makes an interesting and unique point just before the Patriots - Dolphins kickoff.

Oh, wait...

Pats win coin toss. AGAIN. That's 28 of 36. Wow. Defer. No confusion this time. How do they do it?????????

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 3, 2016

Check the coins, Shank!

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXVII

Too bad you left the Boston Globe seven years ago, Bruce - you missed out on your chance to be a real paperboy:

If you're a subscriber to the Boston Globe, the person who delivered your Sunday paper might have been the same person who wrote part of it.

Fed up after nearly a week of widespread delivery problems, dozens of reporters and editors at the Globe worked until dawn Sunday morning to deliver thousands of copies of the paper.

The Globe said it was a "small gesture to show our Globe customers that we are working hard" to address the problems.

Managing editors, political columnists, sports reporters, and web producers all showed up at the printing press around midnight.

Steve Wilmsen, an editor, tweeted that "pretty much the whole Boston Globe newsroom" was present: "Paper routes for a night."

Crime reporter Evan Allen posted a picture of metro reporter Milton Valencia pointing at his front page story.

"Now he is going to deliver it," Allen said.

With a bonus picture of what a douche hipster Globie looks like:

@MiltonValencia wrote this front page centerpiece and now he is going to deliver it @BostonGlobe pic.twitter.com/yj0fNXSN1o

— Evan Allen (@EvanMAllen) January 3, 2016

Speaking Of Trash Cans...

This is a Shank column that's in the running to be put into the nearest trash can. During the week where the biggest NFL story revolves around Peyton Manning, Shank can't be bothered about that subject because he's too busy making stupid, ill advised predictions:

The Patriots are going to crush the Miami Dolphins Sunday.

Just like last week, Shank?

Last weekend’s stunning loss to the Jets...

What was so 'stunning' about that loss? A 9-5 team with a top 5 defense was hosting a 12-2 team that's been riddled with injuries on both sides of the ball. It's 'stunning' to Shank in that 'fake praise' sort of way.

Shank can't be bothered about current news like Peyton Manning because he's too busy living in the past. Specifically, rehashing the Cheating Patriots theme and in a new (for Shank) twist, putting words into the mouths of the Miami Dolphins:

And now . . . as if the Patriots needed any extra incentive, the Dolphins have reintroduced the scarlet letter.

“C.”

As in “Cheatin’.”

It has been amusing to follow the Patriots across football America this season. Photos of deflated footballs and headlines about nefarious activities have trailed them from Buffalo to Denver. We have seen the 16-game schedule stretch into a new calendar year, and just when you thought it was safe to go back in the bathtub waters of Biscayne Bay . . . the Dolphins took us right back to warm drinks and trash cans.

Warm drinks and trash cans. In case you forgot, that was the dismissive phrase that rolled off the tongue of Bill Belichick the one time he was inspired to defend his team and its legacy. Belichick’s boiling point came on the heels of Deflategate, Pittsburgh coach Mike Tomlin suggesting that folks were messing with his headset in the season opener at Gillette Stadium, and then two (piling on) cheating stories compiled by ESPN and Sports Illustrated.

Here is the Miami Herald story Shank is referring to.

Let's be blunt here - Shank's being real cute with this one. A 'recent accusation' of an incident by an unnamed member of the Dolphins organization that supposedly occurred two months ago is being treated without an ounce of skepticism by Shank. Why wasn't this news when it supposedly happened? He's basically using two month old 'news' to deceive his reading audience because it appeared in a recent news column. Hacktastic job there, Shank! It's hard (actually, it's not!) for me to believe my opinion of Shank as a disingenuous scumbag just got even lower.

On top of that, naturally, his prediction of a Patriots blowout is contradicted by relatively recent Patriots trips to Miami and his own observation:

The Patriots have lost three of five. Unlike typical Belichick teams, they are not playing their best at the end of the season. They have a lot of injured players.

How'd that prediction work out last week, asshole?

The Stupid, It Burns - II

No juvenile cheap shot insult is bad enough to have ignorant, low class Twitter users throw around:

@Dan_Shaughnessy Are the Kraftsletting the Jacobs use the high chairs at Gillette today?

— Tom Slowe(@TMSlowe) January 1, 2016

The Stupid, It Burns

And it apparently spreads. What hath Shank wrought?

Claude Julien is in the room thinking about how to defer the puck drop. #fireclaude

— Fluto Shinzawa (@GlobeFluto) January 1, 2016

Hendu

Shank gets 'round to writing a column about former Red Sox player David Henderson, who passed away last week.

This blogger gets the impression it was written for two reasons - to memorialize Hendu, and to remind everyone the manner in which the 1986 Red Sox lost the World Series.