Will the Real Shaughnessy Please Stand Up

The more he opens his mouth, the more he contradicts himself.

"I want the Sox to be sellers. I don't want them to go for it this year," Shaughnessy on CSNNE, July 25, 2012

"This might be one of those times when the best deal really is no deal," Shaughnessy, Boston Globe, July 30, 2012

They got some good bars in NYC, I hear. That Funky Monkey can wreak havoc on your brain cells.

Mathworks

So now Shaughnessy's a math major. Because there are a bunch of teams in the playoff hunt, obviously the Red Sox can't make it. "The math doesn’t work. All those teams cannot lose every day because they are playing one another."

Except that the good folks at ESPN report the Sox have a better than 1 in 5 chance of making the playoffs, which is superior to two of the teams ahead of them in the standings in their own division. All those teams don't have to lose every day. If they play .500 ball and the Red Sox play .550 ball, the Red Sox will be in. That doesn't sound like the math doesn't work. That sounds like they just need to go on a hot streak.

Oh, to be old and dumb, just like The CHB.

Opposite Day

Because The CHB says the Red Sox are done, it probably means they aren't.

• Like in 2003, when he wrote the Red Sox will win the World Series. (They didn't.)
• And in July 2004, when he wrote the Red Sox won't win the World Series. (They did.)
• And in September 2009, when he wrote "It feels like the Red Sox are going to the World Series." (They didn't.) 
• And in September 2011, when he wrote "It is not 1978.  (It was.)

Then there's this gem: "If the old rules applied today, the Sox would be in 11th place in a 14-team American League. And there would be no hope of playing October baseball."

Well, fortunately for Sox fans, the old rules are no more relevant today than Shaughnessy is. Since 2001, only two World Series winners (the Yankees in 2003 and the White Sox in 2005) would have made the playoffs outright under the 1967 rules. The 2006 champion Cardinals won just 83 regular season games!

The One Where Shank Stirs The Pot

Shank likes it so much, he ought to have his own Food Network show.

NEW YORK — Saturday was eventful at Yankee Stadium.

Carl Crawford, the man with the $142 million contract, was not in Boston’s lineup against CC Sabathia. Crawford said he was embarrassed and ready to play. Sounding defiant and dubious, Bobby Valentine said he was just following orders. Bobby finally seems to be telling us that if he’s going to go down, he’s going down on his own terms.

Terry Francona visited the Sox clubhouse and hung out for a half-hour, swapping stories with some of his former players. One of Francona’s favorites, Jon Lester, pitched better than he has in recent outings, but let a 6-1 game become a 6-4 game when he walked a pair and surrendered three runs in the fifth.

Baked Potato Time

Stick a fork in the 2012 Red Sox, says Shank; they're done.

NEW YORK — Please. Can we stop this nonsense about a phony wild card and “playoffs?”

You have a team with a $175 million payroll trotting out the likes of Daniel Nava and Pedro Ciriaco as designated hitters. It’s embarrassing and it does not deserve to be rewarded with excuse making and silly playoff dreams.

Red Sox fans are not stupid.

The Sox lost again Friday night, 10-3, in the Bronx. Since Sept. 1 the Sox are 56-71, yet still cling to the preposterous notion that they are part of baseball’s elite class. They make excuses about injuries and they try to keep you interested because they still have a chance at a one-game playoff and then . . . well, anything can happen, right?

All the negativity in this town sucks:

No. Curt Schilling, Pedro Martinez, Derek Lowe, and Johnny Damon are not walking through that door. You now have tin soldiers Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, and Jacoby Ellsbury.

The rest of the column is solid, not my usual descriptor for Shank's columns.

Busted?

I heard this one a few weeks ago, now it finally hits print. As much as I don't like the son of a bitch, even I didn't he could be this stupid.

PI SCOOP … TSONGAS CAMPAIGN REPORTS BOSTON GLOBE COLUMNIST DAN SHAUGHNESSY MADE DONATION HE DIDN’T: Deep within the campaign finance filings of Rep. Niki Tsongas (D-Mass.) is a: $250 contribution last year from Boston Globe sports columnist Dan Shaughnessy. At face value, the contribution would appear to violate the Globe’s newsroom ethics policy (http://b.globe.com/O2vaim ), which plainly states: “Staff members may not themselves give money to any political candidate or election cause or raise money for one” and “journalists do not take part in politics. (insert laugh track here - ed)”

Boston Globe editor Marty Baron tells PI that the Tsongas campaign “improperly listed” the contribution as coming from Shaughnessy. “I’ve spoken to Dan and his wife, Marilou. The check was written by Marilou on her own behalf. It was written on a joint checking account … Dan did not make the donation,” Baron wrote in an email. As proof, Baron included a copy of the contribution check (http://bit.ly/MomDWS ), which lists both husband and wife at its top but is signed by Marilou Shaughnessy.

The joint checking account part was definitely dumb - I wonder if that gets / keeps him in hot water?

Told about the contribution, the Tsongas campaign checked its books, and Deputy Campaign Manager Jesse Bragg acknowledged: “It was definitely an administrative error on our side that we will amend as soon as possible.”

To paraphrase former Washington DC mayor Marion Barry, "Bitch set me up!"

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XI

Is this a good thing for the Globe?

The New York Times Company reported a second-quarter loss on Thursday because of a write-down in the value of About.com and continuing declines in print and digital advertising revenue.

The net loss was $88.1 million, or 60 cents a share, compared with a net loss of $119.7 million, or 79 cents a share, in the period a year earlier, when the company wrote down the value of its regional newspapers, which it later sold.

UPDATE at 4:12 PM - Another crap liberal rag will no longer be offered in print form in 2013.

His Head Is Spinning

Is Obnoxious Boston Fan a nom de plume for The CHB?

Chip Buck at Fire Brand of the AL thinks he might be.

Something seems really fishy.  OBF criticized the ”family comes first” comment by Lester.  Then, he calls Boston ”The Hub” a couple of paragraphs later. ... Finally, in a single paragraph he’s alluded to a Cherington/Lucchino power struggle, criticized John Henry for owning the Liverpool Football Club, and mentioned Carmine in a negative light.  I could be crazy, but the only person who regularly mentions these things (and he does it in nearly every article) is Dan Shaughnessy.

Yowsa. If Shaughnessy is now imitating Shaughnessy, then his head must be spinning worse than the morning after a typical night at The Fours trying to keep straight which is the Real Shaughnessy and which is the Fake Shaughnessy. I mean, who aspires to imitate idiocy? And what does that mean for those of us who mock it?

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - X

A former Boston Globe employee who comments on this site is known, among other things, for insisting that 'The Globe ain't going anywhere', despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

The Globe may or may not be going anywhere, but we know fifty-three people who are going somewhere - under le guillotine:

The Boston Globe has offered buyouts to 20 newsroom staffers and 23 advertising employees, at the same time it laid off 10 people from across the publication, according to the paper’s publisher.

The cutbacks come amid plummeting circulation at the beleaguered broadsheet (they worked in an alliteration; how clever! - ed.) and renewed speculation that the New York Times [NYT] Co. is looking to sell the Globe and its sister paper, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette.

“These continue to be challenging times for our industry and our business. We face rapid change in how readers get their information and how advertisers communicate their messages. That requires us to make tough choices along the way about how to allocate our resources,” Globe Publisher Christopher M. Mayer wrote to the newspaper’s staff, according to boston.com.

I just wanted to emphasize a few things for our beloved commenter, just in case he feigns ignorance or does his Kevin Bacon routine at this 'evidence to the contrary' thingy...

The buyouts were offered to both union and management employees. Not everyone offered buyouts will necessarily accept them, Mayer said (in which case they will get shitcanned - ed.). The company refused to say how much money it hopes to save with the job cuts.

The latest audit in May saw the Globe’s daily print circulation fall below the 200,000 mark for the first time in its history.

That's, like, less than half of what it was less than three years ago! Is this the Globe or the Titantic? Was our intreipd commenter Bruce M. feeding us bogus, inflated circulation numbers this entire time?

The Herald also reported in May that the Globe was shuttering its suburban bureaus to avoid further bloodletting taking on any more leases. The move was seen as setting the stage for the paper’s last rites sale.

Does this mean Shank won't be going to the Sox / Yankees series this weekend?

Bay State businessman Aaron Kushner — often mentioned as a possible Globe buyer — bought a West Coast chain last June, leading some to speculate whether he’s dropped his bid for the Hub broadsheet. Meanwhile, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, said it offered buyouts yesterday to as many as 10 employees in the news, advertising, and human resources departments, and laid off one worker, according to the paper’s website.

I'd say Kushner's dropped his bid - what's your bet? Where's the value here?

“Today the New England Media Group made funeral arrangements difficult decisions as part of a program to rebalance the business so we could continue to invest in our digital future while providing the highest quality journalism that our readers and advertisers expect from us,” the Times said in a statement.

Wouldn't 135 Morrissey Boulevard make a great dormitory building for UMass-Boston?

Quiz Time II!

An old high school buddy sent me this Ron Borges prediction about drafting Richard Seymour. He says, "Thought you'd get a laugh out of this." I did, in a small way, but he actually set me off, because I remember Ron Borges writing a July 2002 column claiming that Lance Armstrong wasn't an athlete. I dismantled that article in someone's blog comments section, now deleted, unfortunately. It was that article that got me into blogging. That, and my love of the Boston Globe!

As I'm sending links back to my high school buddy (with an expletive-filled e-mail), I run across Borges' Wikipedia page, I see this gem from Shank:

“We should have one of those Globe polls—‘Who do you hate more?’ I’ve challenged Borges to see who could get out the vote. It would be close. And it would be a lot more interesting than who’s going to win the MVP.” -Dan Shaughnessy

So my question to you is - who do you hate more?

* Dan Shaughnessy;
* Ron Borges, or;
* The Boston Globe?

Quiz Time!

The Red Sox have lost three in a row, with the last one a 15 - 7 thrashing that reminds me of one of the funniest lines from South Park - "I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King!"

It's probably written already, but I think Shank's revving up to take the weekly laxative-fueled dump on the Sox. What do you think?

* Yes;
* No;
* Stop writing about my son!

The One Where The CHB Uses a Well-Worn Cliche

"Cody Ross has a flair for the dramatic ...." -- The CHB, Boston Globe, June 20, 2012

"Ross, who has consistently displayed a flair for the dramatic ..."-- Steve Peterson, Bosox Injection, June 20, 2012

"Kevin Youkilis was a fan favorite among the Fenway Faithful, punctuated by his hard play, flair for the dramatic ... " -- Stephen Hewitt, WEEI blog network, June 16, 2012

"... the Red Sox this season ... have had a flair for the dramatic. " -- The Bleacher Report, June 16, 2012

"The Red Sox always show a flair for the dramatic. " -- The Bleacher Report, June 13, 2012

And that's just in one week.

Ugh.

We're Good

Shank stands in the back of the room once again and tells us that the relationship between Dustin Pedroia and Bobby Valentine is hunky dory.

Dustin Pedroia wants you to know that he does not hate Bobby Valentine.

There’s no Bobby V doll in Pedroia’s locker with pins sticking out of it. There’s no Manny Ramirez-Joe Kerrigan thing going on in the Red Sox clubhouse.

“I like Bobby,’’ Pedroia said, a couple of hours before he returned from the disabled list, batting third against the White Sox Thursday night. “I had a relationship with Tito [Terry Francona] over time, but me and Bobby get along great . . . Do I need to wear a [expletive] bike outfit to the field to show I get along with Bobby [Valentine rides his bike everywhere, home and away]? That way, everybody will think we love each other?’’

It is clear throughout the article that Shank isn't buying the story:

What about that game at Wrigley Field when Pedroia stayed at his position when Valentine came out to the mound to talk to a Sox pitcher? It looked like a big diss by the little second baseman.

“I swallowed my dip, man,’’ said Pedroia, sounding very convincing.

If Shank had balls, you'd think he'd just call Pedroia a liar and save us some time; must be a writer's thing.

A gaffe is the inadvertent telling of the truth, right?

What would make him think that anyone thinks the Sox are unhappy?

“I just get that impression,’’ said Pedroia.

Must be the media’s fault. Time to get out the bike shorts.

More often than you think, mate...

No Excuses

When things are going bad for the Red Sox, Shank is at his best.

What’s up with smilin’ Jon Lester?

Other than another curious and abysmal performance by the Red Sox lefthander, Tuesday was a relatively quiet night at Fenway. Nobody went on the disabled list. Nobody said the clubhouse was “toxic,” nor was there any talk about a “disconnect” between Bobby Valentine and his warriors. Bill James was safely locked away in a Kansas basement with no telephone privileges, and no letters were released to Sox season ticket-holders.

But our one takeaway from the Red Sox’ 7-5 loss to the White Sox is that Lester still stinks and nobody knows why.

Can't be anything connected to the incessant, unrelenting negative coverage of the Red Sox this season, right?

Hey, Bruce - when will the Globe drop the paywall?

Follow Dan Shaughnessy On Twitter!

Better yet, don't - it sucks like a shop vac.

Just another example of Shank flipping you the bird.

Close Minded

The CHB thinks Penn State should shut down its football program because a former assistant coach (no longer tied to the program) committed certain atrocities and said atrocities were covered up by the head football coach, the athletic director, a vice president and the president.

But what that good Christian man Shaughnessy doesn't get, of course, is that the coverup is NOT a football problem, or an athletics problem: If a Penn State janitor had been guilty of the same crimes and the administration had covered it up, the school would be in exactly the same position it is now.

No, this is a Penn State University problem, and shutting programs down won't solve anything. Should the Red Sox disband because their former clubhouse manager molested kids for years? Of course not.

Makes me wonder what dirty little secret The CHB is hiding?

Out of It

The Red Sox, who as of this writing are 2.5 games out of the playoffs with 76 games remaining, are a trainwreck, says The CHB.

Hmmm ... how many games did the Rays and Cardinals make up in the last 31 games of the 2011 season, Mr. Short-Term Memory Guy?*

Irony then follows. The CHB says the team is "a parody of itself" and ownership has "lost all sense of accountability." Actually, this reads like he's talking about himself.

*Answer: 9 and 10.5 games, respectively. 

No Son Shine

I suppose it's a bit unfair to note the arrest of The CHB's son on drunk and disorderly charges, except there is some humor in the incident.

To wit: (Son of CHB) Sam Shaughnessy was, among other things, busted for assaulting an officer. Likewise, his father has for decades been an assault on good taste, common sense and humanity.

The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the (brain) dead tree, it seems.

Stuck in His Crawford

In the wake of yesterday's unpleasantries directed at the rehabbing Carl Crawford by some Manchester rube, we sit and wait for The CHB to weigh in on how such behavior shouldn't be tolerated. After all, this is the same scribe who apparently holds those with a "smart, dignified, Christian presence” in high regard. Surely, then, this good Christian man must detest such reprehensible behavior?

Except, of course, he doesn't! As the Globe's Assistant Managing Racist Editor has demonstrated in spades, sensitivity, humility and acceptance are not words taught in any class he took at Holy Cross. Or ever.

P.S. Anyone know if Shank happened to be in the vicinity of Manchvegas last night? Just wondering...

Holy Crap

What a sad state of affairs it is when the former president of Holy Cross dies and one of the alumni interviewed to eulogize him is Dan Shaughnessy.

What a sadder state it is when Shaughnessy touts his "smart, dignified, Christian presence.” This, remember, is the same guy who called David Ortiz a "sad sack of you-know-what" for no apparent reason other than he had signed as a free agent with the Red Sox.

Maybe The CHB had a premonition that Ortiz would someday lead the Red Sox to the Promised Land, thus destroying the "Curse of the Babe" cottage industry Shank had spent (wasted?) his career building up.