Larry Lucchino, The Final Farewell

Shank covers the Jimmy Fund, where the team said it's last goodbyes to the former general manager:

John Henry and Red Sox offer a final — and well-deserved — salute to the late Larry Lucchino

Red Sox owner John Henry and the Boston ball club said their final goodbyes to former ownership partner and CEO Larry Lucchino at Fenway Park Tuesday.

On the first day of the 22nd WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon, Lucchino — who died April 2 — was feted in Fenway Park’s function rooms by a procession of speakers including Henry (who also owns the Globe) and former US Senator and (2000) presidential candidate Bill Bradley, who was Lucchino’s star teammate when Princeton went to the Final Four in 1965.

The hard-charging Lucchino (think of him as Harry Sinden with a law degree), who ran the Orioles and Padres (and built Camden Yards and Petco Park) before coming to Boston, oversaw the refurbishment of Fenway Park after Henry’s group bought the club in 2002.

DHL Dan CCIV - The Larry Lucchino Column

Former Red Sox general manager Larry Lucchino passed away earlier this week. Shank's here to deliver the eulogy:

Boston baseball was well served by Larry Lucchino, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while pondering the life and times of Larry Lucchino …

▪ He was the last of a kind — a personable, hard-charging baseball executive who demanded results, never suffered fools, and most of the time made things better for fans. He should be in Cooperstown simply for Camden Yards (which changed everything about the fan experience in every ballpark built after 1993), and he could have been commissioner of baseball, but Boston was best served because Lucchino ran the Red Sox from 2002-15.

The Sox haven’t been the same since he “retired,” and you can be sure Lucchino wouldn’t have tolerated the “let the fans eat cake” message ownership delivered in the recent non-full-throttle offseason.

Larry Lucchino. Think Harry Sinden with a law degree. Think Red Auerbach brawling with NBA owners at Board of Governors meetings. Think Tommy Lee Jones as Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard in “The Fugitive.”

High praise indeed!

It's clear Shank 'sampled' many of his previous columns about Lucchino, and I'm still amused by his use of 'the Nixon White House' when the first thing Shank ever said to me was whether I was recording the phone call. I'll give him some credit for briefly mentioning the conflict / falling out he eventually had with Lucchino and didn't completely duck any of the bad stuff, unlike his shameless Bill Buckner eulogy.

Shank Talk on Orsillo Exit Just a Lot of Hot Air

Looking for threads, The CHB continues to yank John Henry's. But his goal, if he has one (doubtful), remains vague.

In typical hyperbolic fashion, The CHB claims the "firings" of Red Sox CEO Larry Lucchino, GM Ben Cherington and announcer Don Orsillo were "classless."

But were they? Let's take them one at a time, shall we?

1. Lucchino: The CHB has repeatedly argued that the Red Sox has underachieved. So, if that's the case -- and three World Series titles in 10 years would bring out the ecstasy of every MLB team, Yankees included -- shouldn't the architect been canned? After all, it was more than a year ago that Shank called him an "absentee owner." Going back to 2013, The CHB said Lucchino deserved blame for the 2011 collapse and 2012 wipeout. And even before that The CHB was claiming Lucchino was on his way out because he didn't have a contract.

Then last month The CHB asserts Larry is bailing because he "just got tired of being there."

Make up your mind, Danny Boy. Was it Lucchino's choice or not? And was it time for him to leave or not?

 2. Cherington: See above. If the team is as bad as The CHB claims it is, why shouldn't the general manager be shown the door? Back in early 2013, The CHB was mocking Cherington was being -- can we say it? -- dumb: "Some of us (me) think Cherington is a little slow-moving for the combustible Lucchino." We can read between those lines. After all, the point of the piece was that Cherington wasn't getting blamed for the Red Sox' 2012 performance, but that he should have been.

3. Orsillo: His contract was also up. And yes, it's a huge shame he is getting the boot. It happens. Before he became the drunken face of the Cubs (something The CHB probably can relate to) Harry Caray was dumped by the Cardinals. His son, Skip, was relegated to Peachtree TV after 20-plus years calling Atlanta Braves games on TBS. The handling of this was inelegant, to say the least, but it happens, even to Hall of Fame announcers.

My take: The CHB has been frozen out of the loop on what remains the region's biggest beat -- the Red Sox -- and he's seething over it. As is his passive-aggressive style, this is his response.

DHL Dan - XLV

This isn't your normal amalgamation of half-useless thoughts and jumbled logic; Shank takes the Picked-Up Pieces column to a whole 'nother level of rambling and contradictory, disjointed thought.

Picked-up pieces while officially changing my Globe column logo to “The Shaughnessy Report In Context” . . .

■ The more I think about it, I’m predicting that the embarrassed and contrite NFL will rescind all Deflategate penalties and ultimately reward the Patriots with a $2 million apology bonus and a couple of additional draft picks because of . . . you know . . . everything that the league put the Patriots through.

This, after numerous columns, nay, a veritable crusade, taking massive dumps on the Patriots. Gotta love having it both ways!

Shank continues to lobby for the rights to co-write Larry Lucchino's book:

■ Pay attention to what the Red Sox do regarding the Larry Lucchino vacancy. If you are a Sox fan, it’s a bad sign if the front office chooses to operate without a baseball guy to fill Lucchino’s shoes. Lucchino has been responsible for keeping order on Yawkey Way over the last 13 years.

Also, take note that Ben Cherington now mentions “John, Tom, and Mike,’’ instead of “John, Tom, and Larry.’’ “Mike” is Mike Gordon, the second-largest investor in the Red Sox.

'Tomato cans' make their annual reappearance:

■ The tomato cans are lining up nicely in the AFC East. Every year we hear about how the Dolphins, Bills, and Jets are finally going to contend . . . and then the season starts. None of the Patriots’ division opponents has a good quarterback. The Jets are now down one bad QB with Geno Smith getting his jaw broken by a teammate. Very Jetlike.

And there's another Larry Bird sighting:

■ I love how Larry Bird never lets Beezer Carnes off the hook. Carnes was Bird’s Springs Valley High School teammate in French Lick, Ind., and legend holds that Beezer was too lazy to join teammates for early-morning free throw practice before school, then he missed a key foul shot in the state tournament.

Speaking to Dan Patrick a few weeks ago, Bird said, “The dream was to be good enough to play against the big schools. That’s what we tried to do. But unfortunately, I played with a kid who kept missing free throws at the end of the game and we didn’t get there.

“I was at a party about two years ago, and this lady in her 70s looked at my friend and said, ‘What are you doing here? After missing those free throws back in ’74, you shouldn’t even show your face.’ ’’

And the one where Shank tries to wash his hands of the negative shitshow of Boston media by half-clever misdirection (emphasis mine):

■ Stand proud, Boston sports social media tough guys. When David Price was still with the Tigers, the ace lefty said this to WEEI’s John Tomase: “The amount of hatred I get from this fan base blows every other fan base away.’’

See what he tried to do there?

Truly a classic Shank mail it in effort!

Another Larry Lucchino Column?

Is it just me, or is Shank now lobbying to co-write the following book, 'Larry Lucchino, The Red Sox Years' with these consecutive columns?

NEW YORK — Yankees president Randy Levine says he’s going to miss his counterpart, Larry Lucchino.

“It’s going to be different without him, that’s for sure,’’ Levine said Wednesday from his office at Yankee Stadium. “He was a very formidable adversary. A great competitor. We went back and forth for many, many years. He never backed down. I never backed down.’’

Levine took over as president of the Yankees in 2000 and Lucchino assumed the same post with the Red Sox late in 2001. Their rivalry rhetoric was fun and lively.

The One Where Shank Pretends To Like Larry Lucchino

Shank follows up on yesterday's column sand says lots of nice things about Larry Lucchino.

First it was Tito, Theo, and the Trio. There was a lot of arguing and pushback in the Red Sox front office for eight years while the ball club averaged 93 wins per season, made the playoffs five times, and won two World Series.

Then it was just the Trio, and some company men. There was less dissent at the top. The Sox won another World Series but are headed toward their third last-place finish in four seasons.

Now it’ll just be John Henry and Tom Werner, running things their way, surrounded by loyal, hard-working subordinates eager to please the bosses.

Larry Lucchino was a boss. He had credentials, winning a World Series with the Orioles, taking the Padres to the World Series, and building a couple of spectacular ballparks. According to Henry, Lucchino was the man who “runs the Red Sox.’’ Most of the time, Lucchino ran it quite well, but he’s had less input in recent seasons and now the Sox will move forward without him at the top of the masthead. He will step down as club president and CEO at the end of this season. Werner told the Herald he’s hopeful Lucchino will “continue to be an integral part of upper management.’’

Bet Shank would like to have this one back!

Missing the Point (Man)

Larry Lucchino is stepping down as CEO of the Boston Red Sox. How many times has The CHB tried to suggest prematurely this was happening?

Let's see....

Feb. 15, 2015: The CHB claims Mike Gordon has usurped Lucchino in the Boston Red Sox pecking order.
July 8, 2014: Says Lucchino is an "absentee owner."
2012/13: Lucchino does not have a contract with Red Sox.

What's classic is that not only did The CHB get the timing wrong -- and by years -- he also got the replacement wrong. It's Sam Kennedy.

Flipping for the Sox

The CHB yet once again reminds us that the Red Sox are playing poorly and have no chance this year and is furious that the management won't admit as much.

One would think someone who has written on this topic for as many years as Shank would know by now that 9 games out in June is not a death sentence. Remember '78? That was a 14 game comeback that began in July.

And what's remarkable is that he kind of does(!), as a few grafs down he writes about the Sox going 40-15 following a "particularly animated discussion" between Sox president Larry Lucchino and then manager Terry Francona in the World Series championship year of 2004. So we have a situation where the Sox -- per Shank -- can't win, even though history shows they have.

Here's where Shank really gets stupid: "Some of us are comparing the Hanley-Pablo signings to the Gonzalez-Crawford acquisitions before 2011. You got away from that philosophy, now it feels like you’ve flipped back."

Well, lo and behold, it was none other than The CHB who just last October insisted the "Red Sox can't sign Sandoval fast enough," and was still singing his praises in February called him a player who can "hit when it matters most." Who's the flip-flopper now?

Most absurdly of all, he asks whether the World Series win in 2013 somehow negatively affected the franchise. Are you kidding? Has the bar been set so high that three World Series wins in 10 seasons is now no longer good enough?

And once again The CHB is complaining about the stats guys, never stopping to realize that every team in the major leagues employs an army of statisticians, including favorite sons Giants, who don't make a move without getting the OK from Yesh Goldfarb (seriously, that's his name).

The CHB: Looking more anachronistic by the day.

The One Where The CHB Tries to Keep Pushing the Idea that Larry Lucchino is Being Pushed Out

The CHB is like a dog with a bone now that Larry Lucchino is no longer his best bud/tipster. For the umpteenth time, he pushes the notion that Lucchino has been unseated by Red Sox co-owner Mike Gordon in the pecking order.

That issue, if it even is one, has been repeatedly dispelled by chairman John Henry, not that The CHB is buying it. But keep in mind Shank always thinks management is lying, which is why he looks so foolish now that Ballgate has turned up exactly nothing untoward by the Patriots (not that it stops Shank from beating that dead horse here, too).

Speaking of dead horses, The CHB then tries to tie the Sox with the Yankees via -- who else? -- Lucchino's long-ago spoken words that the former would never try to be like the latter. But he does so off a complete fallacy of an argument, which is that because Boston has spent a lot on free agents, it makes them similar to the Yankees. Hey, here's a thought: How about actually looking at the players signed? Boston is investing its millions in youth, not aged superstars with known drug problems (A-Rod) at easily replaceable positions (Mark Teixiera) who are primed to break down (C.C. Sabathia).

And who blew hardest just a couple dozen months ago when the Sox went cheap on player investments? Oh yeah....

One other thing: Have you noticed how the Red Sox management appears to be denying The CHB any one-on-one time? All these conversations are taken from full media sessions.

Recycling The Absentee Complaint - II

For the second time in a week, Shank bitches about Red Sox ownership in absentia, so he'll have to settle for Larry Lucchino.

Ownership has been hard to find while the Red Sox dropped out of contention in the summer of 2014. John Henry and Tom Werner haven’t had much to say about their tied-for-last-place team.

With the Sox heading out of town until after the All-Star break, I figured it would be a good time to hear from Larry Lucchino. According to Henry, Larry runs the Red Sox.

Forget baseball; second guessing is Shank's favorite pastime.

The Larry Lucchino Column

Shank wraps up what he refers to as the three day ownership blitz with a column about longtime nemesis über-GM Larry Lucchino.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Red Sox ownership completed its three-day media blitz at JetBlue Park Friday with Larry Lucchino playing the role of closer.

Asked about his Yankee enemies, Larry said, “I can’t say I wish them well.’’ He also playfully suggested that 79-year-old Bud Selig is not really going to retire, admitted baseball needs to speed up its games, and expressed delight with Jon Lester’s willingness to take a hometown discount.

It was the complete opposite of Lucchino’s introductory press conference last year when Larry morphed into Jack Nicholson playing Colonel Nathan Jessup on the witness stand in “A Few Good Men.’’

No one could handle the truth.

Remember last year? On Valentine’s Day, 2013, Lucchino faced the firing squad that assembled in Fort Myers to demand an explanation for the Red Sox’ worst season in 47 years. That was the day Larry admitted that the Sox’ phony sellout streak would officially end early in the 2013 season. Never smiling, snapping off a couple of terse “no comments,” Lucchino said, “we sense the frustration fans feel . . . maybe to everybody we have something to prove . . . We’re just scrappy underdogs trying to win for our franchise and fans.’’

A firing squad that included Our Man Shank:

Lucchino claimed he has not read the new book by former Red Sox manager Terry Francona and Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy. "Francona, the Red Sox Years" has several unflattering references to Lucchino and his style of management.

"I haven't [read the book]. I know some people find that hard to believe. But it seems logical to me. I want to look forward, not back," he said. "I'm afraid if I do read it, I will find in it inaccuracies and things that will cause me to react to it in a way that would divert me and cause some kind of sideshow instead of dealing with the here and now. It seems perfectly logical to me not to read it. I don't feel any great compulsion to. I may get around to it sooner or later."

However Lucchino gave a terse "no comment" to two questions posed by Shaughnessy during his 31-minute press conference. He then answered the exact same questions posed by other reporters.

If Shank puckers his lips anymore, he's going to look like a blowfish.

Bipolar

Today's 'effort' by Shank focuses on just how aweseomely awesome the 2014 Boston Red Sox are:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — When you really start to think about it, the 2014 Red Sox are a lot like “The Lego Movie.’’

Everything is awesome.

Thursday was the much-anticipated first full-squad workout, and the entire Sox organization gathered for the first time since they all came down off the duck boats last November. The Sox released a photo of owners John Henry, Tom Werner, Larry Lucchino, plus Sam Kennedy, Jonathan Gilula, and Dr. Charles Steinberg sitting in Kraft-like high chairs, while general manager Ben Cherington addressed the defending world champs behind closed doors.

Obsessed with Patriots owner Robert Kraft much?

I don't know about you, but I think it's a rather small, petty man who feels the need to trash Patriots ownwership when he writes about the Red Sox.

And speaking of trashing ownership:

We’ve had executives on parade this week at JetBlue. John (William Randolph) Henry had his turn at the bench Wednesday

Now, is Shank lauding (falsely, of course) John Henry as the latest & greatest newspaper magnate, or the scumbag who defamed Annie Oakley with a false story just over a century ago?

Just to be on the safe side, Shank makes sure to perform a thorough ball washing:

While Tom was talking, Mr. Henry, the beloved owner of the Red Sox and the Globe, walked from the clubhouse wearing a black sportcoat, holding an umbrella over his head. It was hard not to think of Gene Kelly, Mary Poppins, or Ray Flynn in the Vatican, but Henry will get the last laugh when the rest of us are peeling sunburned skin off our necks.

And now, let's read about a product so profoundly awful it has to be given away:

The big boss no doubt was pleased at the sight of free Globes for everyone. Snowbirds from New England have been denied the pleasure of reading our vaunted broadsheet in Fort Myers in recent years, but this spring the paper is being printed at a site in Southwest Florida. Globe representatives are literally papering the house at JetBlue. Free Abraham and Cafardo for everyone.

Maybe the locals were lining their birdcages with something else the whole time?

Picking On Shank

Adding to what Roger wrote on yesterday's column:

• "... a Boston bid for the 2024 Olympics [is] the region’s worst plan since Larry Lucchino thought it would be a good idea to hire Bobby Valentine."  

Which The CHB wholeheartedly supported. Not to mention it was The CHB who so happily carried Lucchino's water on multiple occasions with anti-Theo columns.

And it was The CHB who after the end of the 2012 season wrote of the Red Sox owners, "It really bothers them that Theo Epstein isn’t getting enough blame for the train wreck that is the Red Sox of the last 12 months.

• "We can certainly agree that the last group that should be passing judgment on candidates’ 'character' would be baseball writers."   

And that has stopped The CHB when, exactly?

• "Can we slow down the David Ortiz Hall of Fame Train? ... I can’t get it out of my head that he looked like he was all done at the start of 2009 (39 games and 149 at-bats without a homer) and Mike Lowell was pinch hitting for him in 2010."

Ted Williams hit .254 with 10 homeruns in 1959. And he had the immortal Carroll Hardy pinch hit for him. In his followup campaign he hit 29 homeruns and batted .316. It happens. And no one accused him of using greenies -- although he almost certainly did. 

There's lots of reasons to keep Ortiz out, but singling out the worst 39 games of a 2,000 game career is proof that if The CHB wasn't the guy who sold Deadspin his Hall of Fame ballot, he should have been.

Missed Opportunity

The Boston Red Sox have won three World Series in the past ten years. Perhaps the biggest factor in this happening has been the John Henry ownership group, which bought the team twelve years ago:

What a difference a year makes for both the perception and the reality of the Red Sox ownership trio.

Here are subjects that didn’t come up during Saturday’s World Series-celebrating duck boat parade when team owner John Henry (obligatory mention that he is also the owner of the Globe), chairman Tom Werner, and president and CEO Larry Lucchino were being interviewed: the Liverpool Football Club, commemorative bricks, sellout streak, and television ratings.

People often ask what kind of sports town Boston is. Is it a baseball town, a hockey town, a football town, a basketball town? It’s a town that embraces winners, which the Red Sox are again. All the dissatisfaction and anger the Red Sox generated last season has been recycled into adoration and exultation.

That includes the oft-assailed Sox ownership.

Of course Shank didn't write this column - that would be too obvious!

The Near Ultimate Dan Shaughnessy Column

In seven hours the Boston Red Sox and the St. Louis Cardinals will play for the 2013 World Series Cup (that's what Mayor Menino's calling it). Naturally, Shank needs to write a column about it, a tour de force which encapsulates nearly every criticism of Shank over his three decade career.

Welcome to the 2013 World Series. I have just one question.

Where’s the hate?

We have the Red Sox and the Cardinals and one giant bowl of respect. Everybody loves everybody. The opponents are all worthy.

The Sox and Cardinals both worked out at Fenway Park Tuesday, and you could have gotten diabetes from the sugar pouring out of the clubhouses.

All You Need Is Love. Love Train. This World Series is all about Parliamentary Procedure, Marquis de Queensberry Rules, and (Dave) Roberts Rules of Order.

In no particular order, this column exhibits the following: Shank attempting to create controversy, Shank inserting himself (to a degree) into the column, Shank presuming to speak for the entire Red Sox fan base ("Sorry, St. Louis, but most of us here in Boston would rather have the Dodgers in town right now."), Shank lying once again about Carl Crawford ("We’d have asked Carl Crawford why he made up all that stuff about a “toxic” atmosphere in Boston."), waxing philosophic about Harvard, lame song lyrics, a random Larry Bird reference, and sundry others.

This is a true Shaughnessy masterpiece, right up there with the Velvet Elvis...

Swing And A Miss

I missed this column from Monday, and it's a gem. We're a Springsteen quote, a 'Sons of Tito' mention and a cheap shot at Bill Belichick away from this being the ultimate signature Shaughnessy column.

Sarcasm? Check:

The Redemption Tour comes home Monday afternoon and the “Please Don’t Hate Us” Red Sox are in sole possession of first place for the first time since Sept. 1, 2011.

Pretend that you weren't licking the previous manager's balls? Check:

It’s a good day to feel good about the Sox again. They have delivered on their promises to play hard and be more likable. They’ve vetted clubhouse poisons and assembled a unit of worthy veterans and wide-eyed kids. They are managed by a true professional, and ownership hasn’t insulted the fan base in several months. They have new-millennium gold dust twins Jose Iglesias (.529 average) and Jackie Bradley Jr., and sophomore Will Middlebrooks, who hit three home runs in Sunday’s 13-0 rout of the division-favorite Blue Jays.

Dump on Red Sox management? Check:

“Make no mistake,’’ Sox CEO Larry Lucchino wrote to fans in a spring training welcome letter (Lucchino specializes in letters to fans), “with a 69-win season in our rearview mirror, the challenge to beat back the skeptics and re-assert ourselves is an invigorating one for all of us.’’

Gratuitous acknowledgement of the team's performance so far this year? Check:

The 2013 Sox have blasted from the starter’s gate with four wins in six games in New York and Toronto. They hit a whopping six homers in the Rogers Centre Sunday and at 2:05 p.m. Monday play the Baltimore Orioles in the 113th franchise home opener.

Whine about a mild New England winter, having spent about a month of it in Florida? Check:

It doesn’t take much to rekindle the passion of New England baseball fans. Red Sox Nation wants players who hustle and appear hungry; players who pull for one another and don’t complain about travel, snitches, or scoring decisions. After all the snow and cold of the wicked winter of 2012-13, most New England baseball fans are thrilled just to think about being warm outside again.

Continue to run players out of town months after you've finished the job? Check:

The Sox haven’t been home since Bobby Valentine’s 2012 wretches slinked out of town under the cover of darkness late last September (that was the night Bobby V said, “I think I would have kept the beer in the clubhouse. I could have used it after a few of these games”). Bobby’s trainwreck Townies staggered to the worst Boston baseball season in 47 years (69-93, 26 games out of first place), which triggered the overdue overhaul.

Take a dump on ownership and piss on general manager Larry Lucchino again for the old 1 - 2 combo? Check:

Positioning themselves as “scrappy underdogs” (another Lucchino beauty), the $154 million payroll Red Sox launched their 2013 campaign with an 8-2 victory in Yankee Stadium one week ago. After starts of 0-6 (2011) and 1-5 (2012), the Sox come home with a 4-2 record, winning their first two series for the first time since 2006 — when everybody loved the Red Sox and the “new” owners.

The local landscape is very different now.

Presumably because of all the snow melting from the brutal New England winter...

Hype the new manager so Shank can help write his memoirs once he gets shitcanned? Big freakin' check!

Mindful of an angry fan base, the Sox spent the winter/spring apologizing to fans and asking forgiveness in the form of two-for-one hot dogs and reduced beer prices in April. They issued offseason slogans of “What’s Broken Can Be Fixed’’ and “162 Chances to Restore The Faith.’’ New manager John (Wayne) Farrell was summoned to clean up the Valentine mess and told fans, “It’s a whole new ballgame,’’ in a NESN spot that paints the 2013 team as “workmanlike” and “professional.’’

The last words go to The Duke:

“We had a tremendous spring training,’’ Farrell said after Sunday’s rout. “To go through New York and Toronto is a good start. We’re going to give effort and energy every time we walk on the field. We’re going to play with an intensity that should work in our favor. We’re looking forward to going home and getting before our home crowd. Hopefully, these six games will energize the fans even more than they normally would be.’’

Saddle up!

Shank's Half-Assed Non-Apology

I'm not sure the word 'apology' is fitting here, but Red Sox CEO Larry Lucchino flipped Shank off in yesterday's sitdown with reporters in Fort Myers (two posts down from this one). With many years, numerous negative columns and gallons of bad blood bewtween them, Shank's current column pretends to like Larry Luccino.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — How much do I love Larry Lucchino? Let me count the ways. I may not be able to come up with 100, but there’s a lot to love about the Red Sox CEO.

■ He played basketball at Princeton with Bill Bradley.

■ He built Camden Yards, the ballpark that changed everything about the way ballparks are built over the last two decades.

■ The late George Steinbrenner hated Lucchino.

■ It was Lucchino who oversaw the spectacular renovation of Fenway Park.

■ Lucchino dated Maria Shriver.

■ Larry changed the Culture Of No at Fenway Park. He came to Boston in 2001 and announced that the Red Sox were “in the Yes Business.’’

■ Larry was a star baseball player at Allderdice High School in Pittsburgh. It’s the same high school that produced Curtis Martin.

■ Lucchino is the only man on the planet with a Final Four ring, a Super Bowl ring, and a World Series ring.

The last point is where Shank gives the game away:

■ In Earl Weaver style, Lucchino loves a good argument, has thick skin, and doesn’t take things personally.

I think the logical conclusion here is this column is just Shank saying, 'Back at ya, Larry!'

Backhanded

Reader Melissa was kind enough to point out Larry Lucchino's interview with reporters today. It covers a lot of topics and is worth the read, but you guys (and gals!) come here for the Shank bashing, don't you?

Lucchino claimed he has not read the new book by former Red Sox manager Terry Francona and Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy. "Francona, the Red Sox Years" has several unflattering references to Lucchino and his style of management.

"I haven't [read the book]. I know some people find that hard to believe. But it seems logical to me. I want to look forward, not back," he said. "I'm afraid if I do read it, I will find in it inaccuracies and things that will cause me to react to it in a way that would divert me and cause some kind of sideshow instead of dealing with the here and now. It seems perfectly logical to me not to read it. I don't feel any great compulsion to. I may get around to it sooner or later."

However Lucchino gave a terse "no comment" to two questions posed by Shaughnessy during his 31-minute press conference. He then answered the exact same questions posed by other reporters

I'm pretty sure 'no comment' translates easily to 'drop dead, Shank', right?

New Book Nothing New

Sports Illustrated is now running an excerpt from Shaughnessy's latest hatchet job book, and as expected, it's heavy on the panting and light on everything else.

Among the breathless revelations:

• Tom Werner cares about television.
• John Henry is really rich, and doesn't always have time to spend making hands-on decisions on  every single one of his international businesses
• The Fenway Sports Group also owns a soccer team
• Fans don't want to watch losing baseball teams or selfish players

And in the course of the fairly short excerpt, there was, as expected, at least one major factual error: "Our owners in Boston, they've been owners for 10 years. They come in with all these ideas about baseball, but I don't think they love baseball."

• John Henry: has been a franchise owner since 1989, first in AAA then since 1991 in the majors (Yankees, Marlins, Red Sox).  
• Tom Werner: franchise owner since 1990 (Padres, Red Sox)
• Larry Lucchino - President/CEO of Orioles (1988-93), President/CEO of Padres (1995-01)

So which person has been an owner for 10 years? Henry and Werner have been owners for more than 20 years each. And who buys a minor league baseball team, or spends his entire career in baseball, if he doesn't love the sport?

The prose is, well, to call it "basic" would be an insult to fifth-graders everywhere.  Fat, drunk and curly is no way to go through life, Shank.

For his part, Francona is now backing away from the harsher parts of it. What a shock.

DHL Dan - XVI

Shank takes a trip to Buffalo to cover today's Patriots - Bills game, then says next to nothing about the game he's ostensibly there to cover.

ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. — A year later, once again, we have Patriots, Bills, Red Sox, Orioles, and Yankees.

We have Ralph Wilson Stadium, Camden Yards, and Yankee Stadium.

We have a football coach hoping to make it to the Super Bowl, and a baseball manager scheduled for a firing squad at the end of the week.

It is the last weekend of September, and our local teams are playing the same opponents in the same places where they played at this time last year. Everything is the same . . . and everything is different.

Much like the content of this column. The casual Boston sports fan already knows what's going on with the Patriots and Red Sox; Shank simply restates the obvious in order to fill up column inches. He devotes three thin paragraphs on the subject he's allegedly in Buffalo to talk about:

The view is a little different now. The 2012 Patriots arrive in Buffalo with a two-game losing streak. They are in last place in the AFC East, trailing both the Bills and the hated Jets by a full game.

Once again, we have questions about the young New England defense. The Patriots couldn’t stop Joe Flacco in the fourth quarter last week at Baltimore, just as they couldn’t stop Harvard’s Ryan Fitzpatrick when they played in Buffalo last year.

We are no longer talking about the Patriots as a 16-0 team. We are no longer certain that they will finish first in the AFC East. The Patriots have lost three of their last four games. They are suddenly vulnerable.

At least we are updated on the important things, like "Where do New England area sportswriters go after a football game?"

A few hours after the football game, members of the New England media gathered at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo. It’s the birthplace of Buffalo wings. When you cover sports for a living and travel to Buffalo, you are required to close the Anchor Bar.

We did the job.

Bars in Buffalo close at 4:00 AM. I know Mike will be shocked, SHOCKED at Shank's revelation. Any bets that Shank wrote this column on the back of a napkin while he was waiting on his order of chicken and beer?