Dan on …

Picked up pieces while waiting for The CHB’s wisdom to fell more trees.

Chauncey Billups: “… a wasted No. 3 pick …” Feb. 19, 1998

Pete Carroll: “… little more than a smarter, drug-free Butch Hobson …” Jan. 3, 1999, and “Papa Pete, the drug-free Daddy Butch Hobson of this southbound train …” Nov. 29, 1999

Dan Duquette: “What do the Yankees, Red Sox, Phillies, Rangers, Indians, Padres, Expos and Reds have in common? All said goodbye to Greg Harris with no compensation. This means there must be a lot of baseball general managers like Dan Duquette – guys who don't know what they need to build a winner.” July 16, 1994 (The 38-year-old Harris won 2 more games in his major league career. The Red Sox won their division the next year.)

Donald Fehr: “an East German border guard in a previous life.” Dec. 22, 1994

Dave Gavitt: “… the Teflon CEO of the Celtics …. Because of his reputation, and his friendly personality, he hasn't been the target of many slings or arrows. It's time.” March 3, 1994

Terry Glenn: " Terry Oil Can Glenn."

Bob Kraft: “… an owner who is rapidly spinning out of control …” Feb. 4, 1997 and “ … a man with an ego bigger than the Citgo sign …” Nov. 19, 1998

Jose Offerman: “How do you say "junk" in French?”

Robert Parish: “[T]he Chief is full of baloney. His comments … reek of the same tired stuff he floated here any time he needed an excuse for why he wasn't Larry Bird.” Nov. 17, 1994

Rick Pitino: “We know never to believe anything the man says …” Boston Globe, Feb. 19, 1998.

Jim Rice: “Regarding a hometown candidate with borderline Hall numbers, it's easier to vote for Rice than to defend oneself against the standard charges of revenge and racism.” Jan. 9, 2002, and “He hasn't played in two years, but Jim Rice is still contemptible.” Dec. 18, 1991

The AL East race: “The team that gets off to the hot start usually wins the American League East …” April 26, 1987 (If only…)

Say Anything

Full squad training has begun, and not a moment too soon. For it's crystal clear that The CHB has nothing left in the tank, save the occasional random insult.

While the beat writers are busy earning their keep, it's clear that the New York Times shareholders aren't getting their money's worth underwriting the columnists' winter vacations.

"If you live for baseball, the first full squad spring workout is just about the best day of the season," he writes. But the positive tone is deceiving and short-lived, for in the very next sentence he compares Red Sox owner John W. Henry to "Curious George's Man in the Yellow Hat" (I'm not sure that that means, except the reference is likely a solid clue as to Dan's favorite book).

In the next graf, GM Theo Epstein is "boy wonder." Later, Dan wisecracks about tension between Epstein and Larry Lucchino, and Curt Schilling's leadership. (Rumor has it Schilling is instructing players not to speak with The CHB. We can only hope.)

In an inadvertently hilarious segment, Dan tries getting answers out of Henry and Lucchino, both of whom defer to Epstein. (If that's not evidence Sox management is on the same page, what is?) This is funny on two levels: 1) in trying to subtly note management's lack of candor, he makes himself look impotent and 2) as we all know, Theo's not talking, at least not to Shaughnessy. Dan didn't just burn that bridge, he nuked it.

For everyone else, this is a time of anticipation and excitement. Yet Dan can't leave the sarcasm in the clubhouse long enough to finish the piece. In a way, it's understandable: With no one talking to him (not counting a few anonymous quotes that he probably made up), it's going to be one long season in CHB-ville.

Overcooked

It's hard to believe Jim Rice has been retired since 1989, not when he's the subject of a column a month by The CHB. Funny how a guy who couldn't stand him when he was playing is now his biggest booster for post-career accolades. But that's what happens when you have a split personality.

So Globe readers are treated to the litany of "data" supporting Rice's candidacy, most of which are simply random trivia: how over 12 seasons he led the American League in everything except nose-picking, how he was the first player since Joe DiMaggio to reach 400 total bases in one year, how he is the only player in baseball history with three consecutive seasons of 35 homers and 200 hits.

And for the third straight time Dan contrasts Rice's megawatt charm to that of Kevin Millar's, who is apparently the only outgoing and jovial player in the history of Major League Baseball.

"But his body betrayed him in his mid-30s ... " Dan writes. As has been written elsewhere, it wasn't so much his body as his eyes and his vanity: It's been well documented by SI and others that Rice was too vain to wear glasses and complained that he didn't like contacts. Bummer, dude.

While the piece serves mostly to highlight Rice's double-barreled assault on respect and diction ("Gwynn didn't dominate nothing. Cal Ripken didn't dominate nothing. If you look at Bruce Sutter, Bruce Sutter ain't dominated nothing ..."), it should be noted that The CHB once again fails to acknowledge any reasons why Rice is being overlooked, except of course, his somewhat less-than-charming personality. At least Dan's consistent about something.

Error Prone

It was suggested earlier that Dan's contract must contain a clause prohibiting the Globe from running corrections to his column. As recent events have shown, that's not quite true. What the record also shows, however, is that the Globe does a lousy job of living up to its written objective to quickly identify and correct errors in print.

Here's a list of recent corrections to Dan's work. Some of these mistakes are downright embarrassing, e.g., not knowing Mark Mulder is lefthanded or mocking Ed Anzalone for "dressing up" as a fireman for Jets games (Anzalone is a fireman). (The date of the mistake is bolded, and the date of the correction notice is in parens at the end.)

Feb. 6, 2006 -- Correction: Because of an editing error, Terry Bradshaw was incorrectly included in a list of former Super Bowl MVPs who were introduced before this year's game in two stories in the Feb. 6 Sports section. (Correction published Feb. 15, 2006)

Feb. 3, 2006 -- Omission: Linebacker Dwayne Sabb was omitted from a list of University of New Hampshire players who have played in the Super Bowl in Dan Shaughnessy's column in the Feb. 3 Sports section. (Feb. 14, 2006)

June 13, 2005 -- Correction: Because of a reporting error, the name of Gary Alexander was incorrect in a column about Red Sox fans at Wrigley Field in the June 13 Sports section. (June 30, 2005)

June 11, 2005 -- Correction: Because of a reporting error, the birthplace for Chris Chelios of the Detroit Red Wings was incorrect in Dan Shaughnessy's column in Saturday's paper. Chelios was born in Chicago. (June 14, 2005)

May 30, 2004 -- Correction : Because of a reporting error, a column in the May 30 Sports section comparing Manny Ramirez with Joe DiMaggio gave an incorrect career batting average for Ramirez entering this season. Ramirez had a .317 average before 2004. (June 23, 2004)

Dec. 29, 2003 -- Correction: Because of a reporting error, the losing pitcher in Game 6 of the 2003 World Series was incorrect in Dan Shaughnessy's column in yesterday's Sports section. Andy Pettitte was the loser. Also, because of an editing error, the game in question was misidentified in some editions as Game 7. (Dec 30, 2003)

Nov. 3, 2003 -- Correction: Because of a reporter's error, Ron Perry's term as Holy Cross athletic director was incorrect in a story in Monday's Sports section. Perry was AD from 1972 to 1998. (Nov. 5, 2003)

Oct. 2, 2003 -- Correction: Because of a reporting error, the time when the Red Sox playoff game ended was incorrect in Red Sox stories yesterday on page one and in the sports section. The game ended at 2:45 a.m. EDT. (Oct. 3, 2003)

March 16, 2003 -- Correction: Clarification: In Sunday's editions, a story on Red Sox GM Theo Epstein stated that John F. Kennedy was America's youngest president. Kennedy, at 43, was the youngest man elected president, but Theodore Roosevelt, at 42, was the youngest ever to serve as president, moving up from vice president when William McKinley was assassinated in 1901. (March 18, 2003)

Oct. 10, 2001 -- Correction: Because of a reporting error and incorrect information provided to the Globe, there were three errors in Dan Shaughnessy's column yesterday. Roger Clemens is 39, his career ERA in postseason games is 3.59, and Oakland pitcher Mark Mulder is lefthanded. (Oct. 10, 2001)

Sept. 24, 2001 -- Clarification: It was mentioned in Dan Shaughnessy's Monday column that New York Jets fan Ed Anzalone "dresses up as a fireman" for the games; Anzalone, in fact, is a New York City firefighter.

Dec. 17, 2000 -- Clarification: Dan Shaughnessy's column on Sunday may have left the impression that Patriots owner Bob Kraft did not play football at Columbia University as stated in the team's media guide. Kraft played 150-pound and under (lightweight) football, which was formerly a varsity sport at Columbia. (Dec. 19, 2000)

April 12, 2000 -- Correction: Because of a reporting error, the retired numbers of Joe Cronin and Bobby Doerr were reversed in Dan Shaughnessy's column in Wednesday's paper. Cronin wore No. 4 and Doerr wore No. 1. (April 14, 2000)

Jan. 24, 1988 -- Because of a reporting error, incorrect telephone numbers were listed for the Hyde Park Lions Club in Dan Shaughnessy's baseball column in Sunday's Globe. The correct numbers are 364-3410 and 361-2118. (Jan. 26, 1988)

This is hardly exhaustive, of course. And it does not reflect countless other errors that the Globe has simply chosen not to publicly fix, such as his Dec. 6, 2005, contention that 18 players with career marks of 350 homers and a .290 or better average have made the Hall of Fame ballot, which he contradicted just one month later by claiming there were 17.

Honorable Mention

Ha ha ha. Ha ha, ha ha ha ha.

Manny is late to camp and the joke's on Shaughnessy.

In today's column The CHB grinds his teeth so hard over the absence of Manny Ramirez from spring training you can almost hear it through the page. He's trying to come up with a way to trash the hands-down best player to put on a Red Sox uniform since the turn of the century without looking like he's trashing him -- a feat he's just not capable of pulling off.

Why go after Manny? Easy: because 1) he doesn't accommodate Dan (who does?), 2) he doesn't share Dan's view of what's important (ditto), and 3) he is Latin American.

Amid all this, he finds the time to refer to Red Sox GM Theo Epstein as "Belichick" and "Duquette," references to the teamwide decision to no longer cater to The CHB.

And he reminds us yet again that he has Larry Lucchino's cellphone number (who doesn't?).

"So the Red Sox once again are forced to play by Manny Rules." Yes, Dan, and that's quite all right with us. Like I said, the joke's on you.

Blog watch: "Meanwhile, Curt Schilling and his little late-night friends no doubt will remind us that this is just another example of the Knights of the Keyboard making something out of nothing."

Don't think Dan (aka "objectivebruce") doesn't read this space daily? Ha ha ha.

All is Not Wells

David Wells won't talk to the media (or at least, he won't talk to the CHB).

Oh, and Dan thinks the Sox should keep him.

That's all for today, folks.

(Almost forgot: Jeff Horrigan wrote about this yesterday.)

Sybil Returns

I knew I should have looked into this when he wrote it.

On Feb. 7, in a column ostensibly about the Super Bowl, The CHB wrote: "Shaun Alexander's 95 yards on 20 carries earn him the Dominique Wilkins/Elvin Hayes/Wade Boggs Award for compiling a fairly impressive stat line while having no impact on the outcome."

My initial response was:

Not sure why he threw Boggs in there. As Bill James and others can attest, Boggs' was not only the most valuable Red Sox player for much of his tenure there, an argument could be made that for a stretch he was the most valuable player in the majors (see James' essay on this in the 1988 Baseball Abstract). The entire Red Sox philosophy during the (highly successful) Theo years has been built on the concept of OBP. Or maybe Dan has forgotten about that World Series title in 2004.

What I might have done, however, was look back just one year earlier, to Jan. 5, 2005, when Dan's opinion of Boggs was a bit more boffo: "He was anything but boring, a hitting machine who tortured the opposition ..." ... "His on-base percentage was off the charts. He scored runs." ... "He took hundreds of grounders every day and made himself a Gold Glove fielder."

Or I could have reviewed Dan's July 31, 2005, column, where he wrote:

We sometimes forgot to marvel at what [Boggs] was doing. Let's take 1987, for example. In that season, Boggs hit .363 while also hitting 24 homers. There were times it looked as if he were throwing the ball from the batter's box, aiming line shots over the shortstop's head and into left-center. He was a lefthanded batter with an inside-out swing made for Fenway Park. Lacking speed, quickness, and raw power, he had sensational vision and hand-eye coordination. Always on base, refusing to swing at the first pitch, rarely chasing a ball out of the strike zone, he was actually born too soon.

Never let the facts get in the way of a good smear.

Foulke Rocked

Nearly 1,700 words on Keith Foulke today. Let's break it down:

*111 on his appearance at a Bruins game last year;
*180 on his feelings toward blue collar work;
*115 on who deserves the ball from the last out of the 2004 World Series;
*107 on Foulke's magical 2004 season.
*64 on other AL closers (a graf that shows up in jarring fashion).

The rest of the piece is comprised of quotes from Foulke's media interview yesterday (the same that NESN and everyone else in town is airing), plus a few comments from Terry Francona.

Maybe it's the Ft. Myers sun. Steven Kranser turned in an almost identical piece for the Providence Journal today.

For sure, Sox fans want to know the health of their $7 million man. But they don't need to relive ancient history to get it. For a better take on the Sox's designated out man, check out Jeff Horrigan's piece today. It has all the same "new" info and then some, all in a tidy 687 words.

Insults Spring Eternal

Spring training hasn't officially even started but The CHB has already thrown out the season's first insult.

Make that the first barrage.

The first -- "Curt Schilling tried to lose the biscuit belly while burning all the copies of February's GQ Magazine" -- was the most humorous, although unintentionally so. I say unintentionally because, while hefty, Schilling is hardly the one to make fun of, especially when 1) he shares clubhouse with David Wells (whom Dan calls the "portly portsider") and Trot Nixon; 2) the author has made regular pleas for porkmeister Roger Clemens to return; and 3) the author could stand to lose a few pounds himself (better switch to Lite this year, Dan). Never realized a pitcher's effectiveness and weight went so hand in hand. Doesn't he remember ex Sox (Red and White) pitcher Wilbur Wood? Or for that matter, Babe Ruth?

The CHB then mocks ownership -- expect a lot of that this year, now that he is officially persona non grata around the offices at Yawkey Way. "John Henry lost millions," Dan snidely notes, and "Tom Werner made a home movie begging Roger Clemens to return" (Dan begged too, but why let that get in the way of a public flogging?). He then refers to former favorite snitch Larry Lucchino as "Daddy Dearest." Break ups are hard, aren't they Dano?

And let's not leave out Dan's subtle racist digs: "Manny's agent might be calling to warn the Sox about visa problems." Wells asks repeatedly to be traded, but it's the wacky but harmless (nonwhite) Boston slugger who has replaced Pedro Martinez as Dan's favorite bullseye.

Joe Sullivan calls him "brave," but I have to think Joe either suffers from acute memory problems or he doesn't actually read Dan's material. Indeed, when it comes to doling out insults, Dan is as fair weather as they come. Time was, Ortiz was Dan's trash receptacle, until he started hitting everything in sight out of sight and became a fan favorite and thus untouchable. Nomar: same story; revered in print until the talk radio masses turned against him, only then did he become fair game for Dan. Pedro, Schilling, Manny ... the list goes on. How long until Josh Beckett gives up a walkoff to ARod then misses his next start and Dan sets his sights on him?

This is the worst of the lot. Referring to the team's decision to take a more guarded approach with the media (hard to blame them after the free-for-all of the offseason), The CHB writes: "Epstein indicated that the Sox wanted to be more Patriotlike. Ugh. Paranoia strikes deep."

Sheesh, you'd think 3 Super Bowl wins in four years would buy you a little more respect. Anywhere but the Globe.

Gretzky 2, CHB 0

I'm not saying that this is the end of the New Jersey based gambling ring issue for hockey, as Rick Tocchet's role (and possible punishment) has yet to be fully determined. But today's AP story seems to close the book on the involvement of Wayne Gretzky and wife, and according to authorities no book will be thrown at the Great One.

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) -- Wayne Gretzky will not face criminal charges in connection with a multimillion-dollar sports betting ring busted in New Jersey last week, and he is unlikely to be called to testify against others in the case, his lawyer said Thursday.

Attorney Ron Fujikawa said he received assurances from New Jersey authorities last week that the hockey great was not in any way a central figure in the criminal investigation. That's not surprising, Fujikawa said, because Gretzky did nothing illegal.

"He is not a person of interest," Fujikawa said Thursday. "We have received no indication he is somebody who will be called before a grand jury. We have received assurances that he is at most a fact witness."

A fact witness is someone interviewed informally by authorities, the lawyer said.

Gretzky's wife, Janet Jones, also is unlikely to face criminal charges in the case, her lawyer said Thursday. Jones wagered more than $100,000 through the ring, a person with knowledge of the investigation has told The Associated Press; her husband was not directly implicated.

The story goes on to note that wagering is not a crime in New Jersey (fans of Tony Soprano rejoice).

What this also means is The CHB's Tuesday insta-punditry was, as usual, just so much skate slop. What Dan called a "dreadful development for ... the legend of Wayne Gretzky" is turning out to be just another broken stick in the hockey game of life. Or something like that.

Imitations of Dan

Picked up pieces while waiting for the Globe to publish yet another correction to Dan's columns ...

Mrs. Wayne Gretzky, aka Janet Jones, wasn't part of a gambling ring; she was rehearsing for her role in the upcoming sequel to The Flamingo Kid.

Why is it that Jim Rice, who for 12 years swung a 36 oz. bat better than any man alive, needs a ticket to get into the Hall of Fame, while it rolls out the welcome mat for Peter Gammons, who can barely handle a 2 oz. pen?

What George Foreman was in the 90s, Jerome Bettis is today. Who will be the next scary black man to rehab his image -- Allen Iverson?


Hold off on the hate mail. I wanted to see how long it would take to imitate one of Dan's columns. In case you were wondering, about 15 seconds.

Two for the Road

From today's Globe:

Correction: Because of an editing error, Terry Bradshaw was incorrectly included in a list of former Super Bowl MVPs who were introduced before this year's game in two stories in the Feb. 6 Sports section.

An editing error?! Dan pontificates on something that never happened, and it's the copyeditor's fault. That will really score him points with the copydesk. Think he blamed the desk for stiffing his wife on flowers yesterday, too?

Anyway, at least the Globe finally admitted to The CHB's mistakes, even if "the bravest columnist" Joe Sullivan has ever seen lacks the guts to fess up.

One and Counting

From today's Globe:

Omission: Linebacker Dwayne Sabb was omitted from a list of University of New Hampshire players who have played in the Super Bowl in Dan Shaughnessy's column in the Feb. 3 Sports section.

One down, a lifetime to go.

Snow Job

Another column, another meatball.

Here's the lede from Dan's column today:

The game goes on. The NBA is like the Post Office and the Iditarod. It has no fear of a little snow. There can be parking bans, whiteout conditions, orange alerts, and/or projections of Doppler doom, but the games always are played as scheduled.

Not exactly. In January 2004, Memphis had two games postponed due to ice and snow. In December 2000, a game in Chicago was canceled because the visiting Nets' flight to Chicago was blocked by a snowstorm. On Jan. 26, 2000, a Knicks-Wizards game was snowed out. And that's just what a simple GoogleNews search came up with.

Hey Dan, there's this new invention called the Internet. Might want to try it some time.

____________

On Sunday, Dan looked at the commonplace of gambling in sports, and the look-the-other-way attitude of athletes and fans. It could have been a hard-hitting and, for a change, relevant piece. Instead, Dan crapped out. Reason: Overreliance on rumor and innuendo.

Two examples.

1. "On Tuesday, when details of the ring surfaced, Gretzky said, 'The reality is, I'm not involved, I wasn't involved, and I'm not going to be involved,' but two days later the Newark Star-Ledger reported that wiretaps had Gretzky on tape talking about the gambling ring and potential damage the news would cause his wife and himself."

Today came news from the AP that the wiretaps were conducted after Tocchet was arrested. (We should also note that The Great One's, ahem, bettor half has not been charged.)

2. "This was a problem when Michael Jordan was losing big at golf, and there's still suspicion that his first 'retirement' from the NBA was actually a suspension ordered by NBA commissioner David Stern (Stern always has denied the theory)."

Hey Mr. Science, something that has no substantiation whatsoever does not a theory make. Slander is more like it.

Is this the Globe, or the Enquirer? It's hard to tell sometimes. (Probably the copy desk's fault.) This is AM talk radio trash, not journalism.

There's no doubt gambling is a problem in society. A good reporter would want to know just how pervasive it is among athletes. But hey, this is Dan were talking about here.

Corrections Coming?

I know I've missed a couple of Dan's columns. Please pardon the delay in posts; I've been out of town on assignment and am just returning now.

According to a source at the Globe, Shaughnessy's (incorrect) statements that Isaiah Kacyvenski was homeless as a child and that two alumni of the University of New Hampshire have played in the Super Bowl, a correction will "probably" run Tuesday.Per the source, the Globe "received incorrect info."

Also, the source said that the Globe will run a correction on Dan's assertion that Terry Bradshaw received a huge ovation from the Super Bowl crowd.

However, according to the source, the Globe denies that Shaughnessy wrote that Matt Hasselbeck was the 1992 MIAA Division 1-A Super Bowl MVP. Here's the paragraph in question:

There was no trip to Disneyland for the 1992 MIAA Division 1-A Super Bowl MVP. There was no full-page newspaper advertisement showing Matt Hasselbeck with a milk mustache. And the only Roman numeral was X, as in Xaverian.

It begs the question, If not Hasselbeck, then to which MIAA Division 1-A Super Bowl MVP was The CHB referring?

Stop Him Before He Errs Again

Picked up pieces while waiting for the Boston Globe to run overdue corrections to errors in Dan's last several columns ...

In his column today, a collage of inane and occasionally nasty tidbits, The CHB manages to toss a couple of bombs Joe Montanta's way. Snidely referring to the three-time Super Bowl MVP as "Joe Cool," he writes "you didn't see Joe Montana strolling out with the other former MVPs in the pregame parade of champions." Why single him out? We didn't see Terry Bradshaw either. Oh wait, Dan did.

Speaking of poor vision, on Feb. 3 the CHB wrote that "[Dan] Kreider will become the third player in UNH history to play in a Super Bowl, joining former Wildcats linebackers Bruce Huther (Cowboys) and Scott Curtis (Broncos)."

Dan apparently forgot the immortal Dwyane Saab, who played for the New England Patriots (perhaps you've heard of them) in Super Bowl XXXI against Green Bay. According to this boxscore from USA Today, Saab was credited for a solo tackle and two assists.

Again, I can't take credit for catching this; that honor goes to Sheriff Sully and his crew for picking up on this. Great work.

Lean on me. Dan simply can't put away the references to other sports. It's a crutch, which owes to his lack of command of the subject. Here's today's wildly wrong comparison: "Shaun Alexander's 95 yards on 20 carries earn him the Dominique Wilkins/Elvin Hayes/Wade Boggs Award for compiling a fairly impressive stat line while having no impact on the outcome." Not sure why he threw Boggs in there. As Bill James and others can attest, Boggs' was not only the most valuable Red Sox player for much of his tenure there, an argument could be made that for a stretch he was the most valuable player in the majors (see James' essay on this in the 1988 Baseball Abstract). The entire Red Sox philosophy during the (highly successful) Theo years has been built on the concept of OBP. Or maybe Dan has forgotten about that World Series title in 2004.

Oh, and objectivebruce, where are you?

4th and Long in Detroit

Blogging late today; have been out of town since Saturday.

As several posters have noted, The CHB's recap of the Super Bowl was notable only for its utter lack of redeeming value. He did manage to spot an otherwise invisible Terry Bradshaw, however, claiming the absent Steeler "generated the loudest ovations." Someone please tell me this did not run on A1 of the Globe today.

Hope you enjoyed the Hockeytown Cafe, Dan. Be sure to have a drink on us before you leave town.

Error-prone. As noted, The CHB blew the Bradshaw bit. That wasn't his only goof this weekend, however. I'm not going to begin to take credit for knowing (or noticing) this, but Shaughnessy's Saturday column included the claim that Matt Hasselbeck was MVP of the state high school football championship game. (As sportswriter Jeff Sullivan points out, the Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association does not and never has named an MVP.)

Here's the sentence in question; you decide whether this is poor prose or an error of fact: "There was no trip to Disneyland for the 1992 MIAA Division 1-A Super Bowl MVP."

Dan not only needs an editor, he could use a fact-checker to boot. Recall that on Dec. 6 he wrote "Of the 17 players (who've been on the ballot) boasting at least 350 homers and a .290 average, all are in Cooperstown -- except for Rice and Dick Allen" only to state on Jan. 11: "Among 18 players who've been on the ballot with 350 homers and an average of .290, all are in the Hall except for Rice and Dick Allen."

No correction was run.

Wonder how objectivebruce will defend this.

On Cruise Control in Detroit

Is he live, or Memorex?

On Jan. 23, 2003, three days before the Super Bowl, Shaughnessy penned an essay on the ordeal of Tampa wide receiver Joe Jurevicius.

On Feb. 4, 2006, one day before the Super Bowl, Shaughnessy penned an essay on the ordeal of Seattle wide receiver Joe Jurevicius.

Analysis watch: "Jurevicius could be one of Seattle's top weapons in Super Bowl XL tomorrow night ... ." Or he couldn't be. Is this what Joe Sullivan meant when he said, "Dan is the most opinionated writer I know. He is the bravest columnist I've ever seen and is not afraid to take a stand"?

Quantity Beats Quality

Today Dan answers the question, Who in the hell is Dan Kreider?

Kreider, the Steelers fullback, is a University of New Hampshire alumnus (of course!), which is as good as reason as any to write a column about him.

This is the latest in a series, started Tuesday, on players with local ties whose teams will vie for the Lombardi Trophy this Sunday. And like his previous efforts, Dan tries to wow us with the hypertrivial (yesterday, it was that Lofa Tatupu played for King Philip Regional in the Hockomock League; today, we learn that the Maine-UNH matchup is called the Brice-Cowell Musket Bowl. Yowsa.).

It makes you want to stand up and shout, WHAT ABOUT THE GAME?

If you're not scoring at home, Dan's four for four this week: four columns, four yawns. I guess it's quantity over quality.

Sleep Deprived

I'm yawning a lot this morning and it's not due to lack of sleep.

If this is Thursday, this must be Dan's rundown of the players in the Super Bowl who have local connections. Did you know, for example, that Matt Hasselbeck played at Xaverian High School and Boston College and Isaiah Kacyvenski played at Harvard and "regularly dined at the Stockyard in Brighton"? Or that Lofa Tatupu played for King Philip Regional in the Hockomock League? Did you know there even is a Hockomock League?

Then he tells us that Dan Rooney is "the most beloved and respected owner in the NFL." Guess we missed that poll.

And since it's Black History Month, Shaughnessy adds that "the rule that requires organizations to interview minority candidates to fill head coaching positions is known as the Rooney Rule." Which is ironic, seeing as how Rooney has never interviewed a black for a head coaching position, something that somehow escapes The CHB's penetrating expose.

And what, praytell, does "Paul Allen ... can't help that he's a legitimate billionaire" mean?

I guess we can be thankful he's not writing on his daily 1-mile run or how Tom Brady is considering cutting his hair (yet).

Time to get some sleep. Sounds like The CHB needs some, too. That, plus an editor.

Super Dull

Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday. The CHB writes so much about Larry Bigbie these days that on those rare instances when he changes topic I sometimes miss it.

Then again, did I really miss anything?

Yesterday's column was a rambler (get it?) about Detroit, host city to the Super Bowl this year. Characteristically, Shaughnessy's first piece of the Super Bowl week is on the city itself. He also did that last year, and the year before, and well, you get the picture.

So Dan gives us a mini lesson on what Detroit is famous for: Henry Ford and the Pistons and Bob Seger and the Temptations and Rosa Parks and Stroh's Beer and Lionel Trains and one time at band camp ... it just goes on and on like this. I'm not making this up; that's the column!

Why Globe Sports Editor Joe Sullivan sends Shaughnessy to cover football, a sport he knows even less about than field hockey, is anyone's guess. But since Shaughnessy writes about everything but the game, I guess that's a moot point.

The biggest shock is that The CHB managed to raise the ghost of Mark Fidrych without mentioning that he pitched a few games for the Red Sox. I guess we should be glad for that.

On to today's lesson: Seahawks linebacker Isaiah Kacyvenski went to Harvard and has an alcoholic father. That he made it to the bigtime is heartwarming and all, kind of like a East Coast Rudy. That's about it, though. (And it reminds of his piece on Joe Jurevicius on Jan. 23, 2003, prior to the Bucs-Raiders Super Bowl.)

Reading him, you'd almost forget the biggest game of the football season takes place Sunday.