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Friday, February 24, 2006

Say Anything

Full squad training has begun, and not a moment too soon. For it's crystal clear that The CHB has nothing left in the tank, save the occasional random insult.

While the beat writers are busy earning their keep, it's clear that the New York Times shareholders aren't getting their money's worth underwriting the columnists' winter vacations.

"If you live for baseball, the first full squad spring workout is just about the best day of the season," he writes. But the positive tone is deceiving and short-lived, for in the very next sentence he compares Red Sox owner John W. Henry to "Curious George's Man in the Yellow Hat" (I'm not sure that that means, except the reference is likely a solid clue as to Dan's favorite book).

In the next graf, GM Theo Epstein is "boy wonder." Later, Dan wisecracks about tension between Epstein and Larry Lucchino, and Curt Schilling's leadership. (Rumor has it Schilling is instructing players not to speak with The CHB. We can only hope.)

In an inadvertently hilarious segment, Dan tries getting answers out of Henry and Lucchino, both of whom defer to Epstein. (If that's not evidence Sox management is on the same page, what is?) This is funny on two levels: 1) in trying to subtly note management's lack of candor, he makes himself look impotent and 2) as we all know, Theo's not talking, at least not to Shaughnessy. Dan didn't just burn that bridge, he nuked it.

For everyone else, this is a time of anticipation and excitement. Yet Dan can't leave the sarcasm in the clubhouse long enough to finish the piece. In a way, it's understandable: With no one talking to him (not counting a few anonymous quotes that he probably made up), it's going to be one long season in CHB-ville.

17 comments:

jenny said...

Quick compliment to Dan for the shot at John Henry's pseudo-cowboy hat. I'm sorry, John, that hat is just awful. It needs to be burned. It looks terrible on you.

Dan apparently did not listen to Lucchino on WEEI yesterday, or he would have never taken the dinner roll crack. One of their hosts decided it would be funny to everyone if he started calling Theo "Mr. Snot-Nosed Spoiled Kid," a moniker I'm sure he picked up from Dan, since it summarizes pretty much everything he's written this offseason. Lucchino's response was to immediately jump to Theo's defense with a very annoyed, "Will you stop calling him that, please?" He definitely didn't find it funny. Sorry, Dan. The palace intrigue and negativism you so sorely want just isn't there right now, buddy. But oh, wait, that's okay, because you just make crap up, anyway!

Kudos to Theo for nuking that bridge and to Schilling for doing his part to better society and keep Dan away from the players. I wish him all the best of luck!

Anonymous said...

I know it's shooting fist in a barrel, but good shot on "Dan's favorite book." Hee.

I hope to God the rumor about Schill is true. Somebody needed to do that a long time ago.

objectivebruce said...

Excellent points!!!! I join you in criticizing this column!!! It's not positive enough!!!!! We need columnists to say good things about the good guys and bad things about the bad guys!!! Too much criticism of Theo is not good!!! Columnists must watch what they write or Theo's feelings will get hurt and he might go do social work!!!! And enough of this criticizing the Great Shill!!!! We simply can't have that!!!! The Red Sox are sweetness all 'round!!! If not all is not sweetness, so what!!! Just don't talk about it!!!! Let's treat Henry & Co. like a previous generation treated (Call me Mr.) Yawkey!!!! It's good for the club!!! And great job deciding that he made up quotes!!!! Way to go!!! Shoot from the hip!!!! Who needs thinking!!!!! BRAVO!!!

Anonymous said...

Is graf an abbreviation of paragraph. I don't particularly like Shaughnessy either, but you are also a fool!!

The Chief said...

I've heard self-medicating isn't easy, OB/Dan, but next time try cutting the Prozac in half.

Devine said...

I come here to read objectivebruce's comments. They often make me laugh more than the posts themselves (no offense, I mean, how can you compete against eight bajillion exclamation points and the claim that bloggers are the bad guys?).

Anonymous said...

Dan would like to communicate a few things to you. What's the best way to contact you?

The Chief said...

He can send an email from his Globe account to TheCHBblows@yahoo.com.

Anonymous said...

"Dan would like to communicate a few things to you. What's the best way to contact you?"

Any update on this story?

0bjectiveBruce said...

Sometimes, I have wondered how America can elect such disgraces as R.Milhous Nixon and G.W.Rove-Bush to high office. Then I read things like the blogger and his followers who actually applaud attempts, even though in the sporting world, to systematically exclude unfriendly parts of the working press from the access given to reporters who hear, see and speak no evil.

Mystery solved.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, I have wondered how major media companies can employ such disgraces as Dan Shaughnessy in prominent roles. Then I read things like objectivebruce who actually applaud attempts, even though in the sporting world, to systematically be an asshole for no apparent reason.

Mystery solved.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to let you know that Dan has been reading this site.

The Chief said...

Dan, you are hardly the poster boy for the First Amendment.

And you can try all you want to change the subject, but the complaint the world has with you, besides the afro, is that you use your column to wage personal attacks on anyone who disagrees with you and your skewed perspective on life. Face it, you're an ungrateful dick.

Try laying off the booze for a day; maybe when sober you'll see what the rest of us do

Anonymous said...

Interesting, OB. I've never voted for a Republican in my life, and I think CHB sucks.

Anonymous said...

I am in waiting for Dan's reasoned response to this site's criticism. I hope that the response is better than "I am sure you are at the top of your profession" or something about the posters use of statistics and/or the internet.

NB: Dan once did offer me his office phone number, but I was in the process of moving so I could not call him.

Anonymous said...

Dan,
Why are you not in Italy for the Olympics? I will tell you why: because you have no ability to offer any insight into the events except for your petty whines. Ryan's columns from Torino make it clear; he cares about sports and seeks unique angles while you are a bitter hack with nothing to offer caring fans. Every Bob Ryan column is more proof of how bad you are and how misguided the Boston Globe Sports section is for promoting you over its best talent.

DB

troywestfield said...

OB:

We don't want a Pollyanna columnist who's positive about everyone and everything. So it isn't outrageous that we don't want one who's negative about everyone and everything.

A challenge, from one liberal to another: Cite some of your work that shows a semblance of balance. High school coverage is out of bounds, because only a jackass would be critical of minors in print. Reprint or provide links to anything in your archives where you were positive about someone or something WITHOUT TAKING SHOTS AT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE. I mean, what's the percentage? Two percent of your columns are positive? Zero?

Or, alternatively, ignore my point and just criticize us some more. Because that's what you do best, in print or on this board.