Strange Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Is he losing it? Too many Bloody Mary's this morning? Slip and fall on his head during one of his grueling one-mile runs? Soliciting someone to drop a dime on a local athlete? What can possibly explain this enigmatic tweet?

Call me

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 17, 2018

Obsessed Much?

Former Boston Red Sox 1st baseman Adrian Gonzalez left the team on August 25, 2012. Five months and four years later, Shank's still lobbing shit in his general direction:

The Cooler scheduled to return to Fenway Friday September 14 - Sunday. Hope ESPN doesn’t grab Sunday game for nighttime. Cooler hates that.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 15, 2018

Remember when Shank mentioned Adrian Gonzalez in the same sentence as Ted Williams? Good times!

Is This Trolling?

Here at Dan Shaughnessy Watch, over the past couple of weeks we've gone over the many, many instances of Shank attempting to troll an entire city of the opponent that the New England Patriots were about to play. Shank's latest column, however, reads otherwise (at least to this observer):

Jaguars next in line as a hopeless, helpless Patriot foil

The Steelers couldn’t take down Blake Bortles, but the Patriots will.

Prepare for six days of hollow attempts to pump the tires of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Serious football folks will pretend that the Patriots have not already advanced to Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis Feb. 4. You will be reminded that there is still a game to be played.

Sorry. Not buying. I will not read any of the inside football analysis regarding the Jaguars’ vaunted defense (did you know they were second in the NFL in sacks?), Jacksonville’s Man Behind The Curtain (Tom Coughlin beat the Patriots in two Super Bowls when he coached the Giants), or the ground-and-pound style of rookie running back Leonard Fournette.

Save it for “Quick Slants,” “The Real Pregame Show,” “Football Night in America,” or any other clown show that attempts to take this game seriously.

Remember Shank mentioning the 'Patriots Cartel' last week? Add Tom Curran to that list (and I remember that Shank once called that show a clown show (link to the original story , for which he later apologized).

Overuse of the 'tomato can' cliché aside, Shank does in fact go on to make compelling arguments:

In November, I wrote that the Patriots’ mission statement is borrowed from Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese general and architect of “The Art of War.’’ The general taught Belichick, “If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by.’’

And so they have. Every elite or semi-competent quarterback standing in the Patriots’ path has been erased over the last few weeks. One by one, the bodies of Carson Wentz, Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, Eli Manning, Joe Flacco, Russell Wilson, Alex Smith, Matt Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, and Drew Brees have floated down the Cocasset River past the shadow of Gillette Stadium.
...
In four years in the NFL, Bortles has thrown 64 interceptions and has a completion percentage below 60 percent. He submitted a 1950s stat line (12 for 23, 87 yards) in Jacksonville’s 10-3, rock-fight victory over the Bills on wild-card weekend. Those are the same Bills the Patriots outscored, 60-19, in two easy wins.

Oh, and Jacksonville’s “great” defense? Roethlisberger torched the Jaguars for 469 yards and five touchdowns Sunday. What do you think Brady will do to them in Foxborough?

Aside from Tom Coughlin beating Belichick in two Super Bowls, I'd almost be semi-convinced. How's that for a firm blogger's opinion?

One last note - Shank's changed his Twitter avatar to... a tomato can. How original.

Picture Of The Year Candidate

Shawn Thornton, er, I mean Jerry Thornton has the early lead, with some emphasis on a major Shank talking point for the past three or four years (circled below):

Everything wrong with Boston sports media 2018 in one photo pic.twitter.com/CvelJqhN63

— Jerry Thornton (@jerrythornton1) January 16, 2018

Some of the comments on this picture:

It's a trifecta of douchebaggery

— Just Debi, no stache(@TedWellsMustach) January 16, 2018

Are people really trying to argue that a team with the best pass defense in the league is somehow a shitty opponent? Unreal

— Sam Richard (@sambrichard) January 16, 2018

If only Tomasewas in the picture. That would wouldbe the worst

— Vec(@Vec18) January 16, 2018

He's under the table

— Fugoodell(@CraigGillespi16) January 16, 2018

And the winner:

A face for radio pic.twitter.com/0OSPzN6A7B

— Brendan Farrand(@Farrando) January 16, 2018

I mentioned that 'face for radio' line to one of my clients - she couldn't stop laughing. Good stuff!

Troll, Troll Troll Your Boat

It seems Shank's been laying it on thick over the past twenty-four hours. First it's with last night's game, starting where it always does - the freakin' coin flip:

Pats win coin toss. Don't Defer. The World Is Upside Down. NE has no respect for these guys
This One's Over

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 14, 2018

Carnac then peers into the future:

I can see how this is going to go:
Titans Tonight.
Jags Next Week
Eagles with Folesin Super Bowl.
Could this get any easier?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 14, 2018

And as the Jacksonville Jaguars finish off the Pittsburgh Steelers a few minutes ago:

Standing between the Patriots and another trip to the Super Bowl:
Blake Bleeping Bortles.
Wow.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 14, 2018

Last but not least, Shank shows of his mad emoji skillz:

🍅🛢

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 14, 2018

It's gonna be a long week, isn't it?

Broken Record / Recycling Alert

Shank's back to two of his favorite pastimes - rewriting old columns and stirring the pot mere hours before the Patriots play a divisional round playoff game.

FOXBOROUGH — With turmoil swirling around Route 1 and the heavily favored Patriots preparing to play Tennessee in the NFL divisional round on Saturday night, I thought it would be a good time to hop in the Wayback Machine and revisit a celebrated dustup between Bob Kraft and his future Hall of Fame coach when the Patriots were preparing for their second Super Bowl in early 1997.

That’s right, boys and girls. Welcome to Pigskin Deja Vu in Fort Foxborough. We have been here before.

The banishment of Tom Brady’s training guru and Bill Belichick’s unexplainable dumping of Jimmy Garoppolo don’t represent the first instance of trouble at the top during a Patriots Super Bowl run. And just like today, everybody lied about it then while it was unfolding.

Anyone remember the final days of Bill Parcells’s Patriots tenure in 1997?

And if you don't, Shank's here to eagerly remind you!

Seriously - what is the purpose of this, other than this being yet another battle in Shank's 20 year war against the Patriots? That's right - it's also an attempt to antagonize Patriots fans before a playoff game. It's the dreaded Shank twofer!

Responses on his Twitter feed are about what you'd expect:

No comparison between the 2 city articles today Shank?? Chowder vs Catfish????

— BillyFromManchester (@billyskouteris) January 13, 2018

Just dumb that you think Kraft would confirm a story two days before a Super Bowl and even dumber that you think Parcells deserves to be in Pats Hall of Fame. He quit on his team before a Super Bowl. Other than than that, great piece.

— George Brennan (@gpb227) January 13, 2018

You think the Kraftswill have another breakfast and leave you off f the invite list than you can get butt hurt and go after them for 20 more years

— Rick Ricciardi(@robemjoshreese) January 13, 2018

You are pitiful, inventing turmoil where there is none . Keep stirring the shit storm Shank something should shake out for you. If not , in true Globe tradition make something up.

— Pat (@Paintcan66Pat) January 13, 2018

And Now For Some Ron Borges Bashing

(Another of the occasional departures from Shank and Boston Globe bashing)

Readers of the Dan Shaughnessy Watch are fairly versed in Shank's flat-out hatred of the New England Patriots shortly after Robert Kraft purchased the team over two decades ago. We sometimes forget about another redoubtable Patriots troll. Of course I'm speaking about former Boston Globe plagiarist, the current Boston Herald columnist Ron Borges.

FOXBORO — The recent trailer for the upcoming Facebook documentary on Tom Brady’s fight with Father Time seemed a bit, shall we say, eerie. In fact, if the words coming out of his mouth had been uttered by Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees, New England football fans would be chortling that both had lost their minds.

But in this part of the football world Tom Brady can do no wrong, at least not until he does. Then the whispers begin that the “Tom vs. Time” battle that is the subject of this six-part documentary on Facebook is being lost. This usually comes on the few weekends when the Patriots also lose. When they win, 40 is the new 30 and TB12 is as invincible as the Terminator. Still, to hear him sounding like a Cherokee or a Chickasaw coming out of a sweat lodge was a little unsettling.

First - anyone who reads Borges side-by-side with a Shank column will realize Borges' knowledge of football is vastly superior to Shank's, and even that might be an understatement. That said, both share the common trolling technique of praising the Patriots to some degree while ripping them and certain members of the team (read - Tom Brady) when it suits them. I'm fine with Borges mentioning Tom's past five games being less than his stellar self but the tone of his column, taken as a whole, seems to be somewhere between piling on and a rip job.

Newer readers may not be familiar with the dynamic with Borges and the Patriots - It's all but certain that while Borges was writing at the Globe in the 20th century, his primary source for juicy Patriots locker room gossip and other inside information was Drew Bledsoe. Borges hatred of the Patriots started at some point between Brady taking over for Bledsoe after the infamous Mo Lewis hit on Bledsoe and his subsequent trade to the Buffalo Bills. You could say Borges and Shaughnessy share quite a bit in common.

A Borges digression - the Globe shitcanned his ass a little over a decade ago. Once he landed on his feet at the Herald a short time later, a little Globe birdy told me that Borges was seething for revenge against the Globe for axing him, vowing 'I'm gonna fucking bury them'. To the best of my knowledge, Borges never filed a lawsuit against the Globe. So much for that bravado.

Stepping Up The Trolling Game

A little over a day before the Patriots play the Tennessee Titans in the divisional round of the 2017-2018 playoffs, the Titans' team plane is having some problems:

The #Titans have been sitting in their plane on the tarmac in Nashville for over two hours. Not good, especially for the big guys with bad backs. #Patriots.

— Paul Kuharsky (@PaulKuharskyNFL) January 12, 2018

And so it begins . . . https://t.co/wF7HeyD3Q1

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 12, 2018

I guess the Shank Store's out of tomato cans?

Readers are having some fun with this:

pic.twitter.com/02fR7j7qoB

— Barry (@LiciousLounge) January 12, 2018

Delayed at the gate gate?

— Tony Calderone(@tonysee200x) January 12, 2018

And so @Dan_Shaughnessy begins to troll.... pic.twitter.com/8bJJYyzZXc

— Tim (@timkelly02) January 12, 2018

And the winner:

pic.twitter.com/d3WpdotEBO

— FBombah (@FBombah) January 12, 2018

DHL Dan LXIV - A Shithole Column

Shank underwhelms us again with a picked up pieces column. Readers of this site are quite familiar with Shank's habit of playing up the Patriots as avatars of perfection(while not being sincere about it in the slightest) and he does so once again in this column:

■ The Patriots should have General Zod on their helmets instead of Flying Elvis. Zod is the comic book general of the Kryptonian Army who says, “I win. I always win. Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?’’
...
■ Are 2-point conversions supposed to be as easy as the Patriots make them look? Take a scan back at the two the Patriots ran at the Falcons at the end of Super Bowl LI, then look at the quickie they pulled off against the on-their-heels Steelers last month. Zero resistance each time.

Real subtle, isn't it?

Whare's Waldo Shaughnessy?

I'm wondering why Shank skipped his weekly 98.5 The Sports Hub appearance, which he would have done by now. Is it because we're going to get the rare Thursday appearance? Have Zolak and Bertrand finally got sick of his act? Does management finally realize that his weekly regurgitation of his columns provide no value whatsoever in the realm of radio, or that Shank has a face for radio?

We gots to know!

Wash, Rinse, Repeat, Repeat, Repeat!

The sun will rise, the sun will reset, and Shank will beat on a dead horse one more time as he re-writes yet another column.

Forget the Titans. They have no chance vs. the Patriots

And so the Patriots get back-to-back bye weeks. Think of Saturday’s Titans game as a playoff layoff.

Again.

By way of comparison, here's Shank on December 13, 2015:

Five weeks later, the Texans came back for a playoff game and it was the same drill. I wrote that this matchup represented the first time in league history that a team had back-to-back bye weeks to start the playoffs.

Here's Shank, early 2013:

The 2011-2013 New England Patriots just became the first team in NFL history to get back-to-back byes before advancing to the AFC Championship game.

Back to the current story:

It’s hard to know where to start with the compulsory trashing of the not-ready-for-prime-time Tennessee Titans.

Let’s acknowledge up front that the Titans are professional football players who have achieved much by advancing to the divisional round of the NFL playoffs. Nashville is one great town and the Titans are an estimable organization. They almost won a Super Bowl in 2000, and they threw a big scare into New England’s Super Bowl champs on a cold night in Foxborough back in January of 2004.

All that said, let’s cut to the chase and call this what it is. The Titans are a joke and have no business making the trek to Foxborough for a divisional playoff game Saturday night. These Titans are accidental tourists in the 2017-18 NFL tournament. They are 13½-point underdogs. They have absolutely zero chance to beat the Patriots Saturday night.

I wrote this last year. I write this every year. Because nothing ever changes.

Why yes, you do write this every year!

Just a closing note to the fans, media and bloggers who are fans of and write about the Tennessee Titans:

DO NOT FALL FOR THIS CRAP FROM DAN SHAUGHNESSY.

This is his game, designed to piss off as many people as possible. That includes myself as well as yourself. Dan Shaughnessy Watch noted it last week and we did this two years ago. We seem to do this warning as often as Shank tries (and succeeds) to antagonize two entire fan bases, as these two links demonstrate. If you're still pissed off at Shank, send him an e-mail and give him some positive, constructive feedback!

UPDATE AT 5:15 PM - There were nineteen comments to that article when I was doing this post; now the Globe has removed all of them and you can't post comments now. I didn't think any of the comments were overly hostile; most of them were of the 'you wrote this column last year' variety. What gives?

UPDATE AT 7:45 PM - There they are - 83 comments. Now they're just messin' with me!

UPDATE AT 7:55 PM - Likely stealth edit by the Globe - Shank had the original date of the Titans / Pats playoff date as January 2003; a commenter pointed out the correct date as January 2004 at 12:45 this afternoon. I didn't read the column until the time noted below, so I wouldn't put it past them to change the date and not inform their readers.

The Belichick Anomaly

Is Shank calling New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick a liar? It sure looks that way:

Belichick says he hasn't read the ESPN article
Polygraphs explode across New England.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 8, 2018

Of course, this leaves out two or three possibilities. If someone briefed him on the story or if someone 'in Belichick's camp' fed information to Wickersham, he wouldn't need to read the column, would he? I believe this angle is the most likely one - maybe Belichick just doesn't give a rat's ass about anything that the media writes about him, good or bad. I can't recall Belichick ever preemptively reacting to a news story, so this would be consistent with past behavior.

I can't wait for Shank to regurgitate all of this on 98.5 The Sports Hub tomorrow morning...

UPDATE AT 2:25 PM - You know what just occurred to me today? I was just watching Felger & Mazz, which sealed it for me. Since this story came out on Friday, how many of you were caught up in it to some degree? I mean, ignore for now whether Wickersham's story is 100% right, 100% bullshit or somewhere in between. You know how some people describe pro wrestling as 'a soap opera for rednecks'? Don't these occasional Patriots stories feel that way to you as it does to me, that this is all a huge soap opera?

Both Sides Of His Mouth - II

Shank wakes up, drinks his bitter coffee and continues his disingenuous attempts at trying to have it both ways:

Jags-Bills is everything I thought it would be.
What a conference

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 7, 2018

Titans at Gillette Saturday.
Patriots first team in NFL history awarded back-to-back bye weeks before the AFC Championship.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 7, 2018

You know how I know Shank's lying about this? Who did Shank think was going to win yesterday's game between the Titans and the Chiefs?

It looks like the Chiefs will be in New England next weekend and . . . it looks like their best player, Travis Kelce, just got concussed.
Things never change. #Tomatocans

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 6, 2018

But wait - this gets even better!

Nope. You never recycle at all. That was apparently the 2012 Patriots. pic.twitter.com/E87Fi3Y7vC

— Justin Martell (@jmartell21) January 7, 2018

To conclude - over the past three days, Shank writes a column saying the Patriots aren't a good team, piles on the 'Patriots are in disarray' story by ESPN, sends out numerous tweets severely discounting any chance the Bills, Titans or the Jaguars have of beating the Patriots (even if they suck lemons) and demonstrates one more time that he shamelessly recycles his old column themes, all designed to piss off as many football fans as possible.

The Boston Globe's sports section was once considered to be among the finest in the United States, if not the finest of them all. It is now reduced to their sole columnist more or less behaving like a spoiled, immature brat. How the mighty have fallen...

Both Sides Of His Mouth

Who cares about consistency if it gets him page clicks and TV appearances? A couple of hours after Shank's latest Patriots bashing column went live, he does the fastest 180 degree turn I have ever seen from him:

It looks like the Chiefs will be in New England next weekend and . . . it looks like their best player, Travis Kelce, just got concussed.
Things never change. #Tomatocans

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 6, 2018

Pats knew they'd face Chiefs, Titans, or Bills next weekend. Chiefs were only team with remote chance to compete. Now they are gone. Titans and Bills both suck. Horrible QBs with no experience. Tomato Can beat goes on. #boring

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 7, 2018

Seriously, Pats fans, is this really enjoyable? Do you really love it when it is this easy? Pats will be 15-point favorites next week in a playoff game. Fun? Really? https://t.co/ZdzbjBTZkV

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 7, 2018

The responses to that last tweet are awesome- just click on it and check them out for yourselves.

Stirring The Pot, Fanning The Flames - II

You just knew Shank would not be content just to tweet about Friday's ESPN column by Seth Wickersham, right?

We may never know who ordered the Code Red (a.k.a. the trading of Jimmy Garoppolo), but fallout from two days of blockbuster stories is sure to shake the holy trinity of Patriot Nation.

On Friday, ESPN released an exhaustive report of trouble in Patriot Land, reporting that Bob Kraft mandated the Garoppolo trade and detailing hard feelings between Bill Belichick, Kraft, and Tom Brady, much of it owed to the Jimmy G. trade and treatment of Brady’s personal training guru, Alex Guerrero. The story largely made Belichick look good, made Brady look bad, and made Kraft look like a meddling owner.

This part of the story, of course, completely ignores the joint statement by Brady, Belichick & Kraft that Wickersham's story is Grade A bullshit. Also of note - Wickersham's story does not identify a single source by name. Does this tactic sound familiar to you?

I hope you're sitting down - behold as Shank tries to take at least partial credit for all of this:

This is what happens when ESPN shines a light on the egos and strained relationships inside the walls of Fort Foxborough.

If you’ve been paying attention, it’s no surprise really. We’ve been telling you all along that Kraft ordered the trading of Jimmy G. against the wishes of Belichick. We’ve exposed the fraudulence of Guerrero. Thumbing through Brady’s fitness book, or listening to the quarterback talk about Guerrero, suggests that Tom has been kidnapped by aliens. It’s more cult than sports culture. Belichick restricting Guerrero’s access and availability to other Patriot players at team facilities this season has agitated Brady and divided the organization. Tossing a little more tension on the pile, we have the beloved/needy owner who thinks of Brady as a fifth son.

Although I think Guerrero is a shady character, I have one simple question / retort for Shank and other Guerrero critics - how, then, can you explain Brady's MVP-worthy performance at 40 years old?

Eventually, Shank's hard-on wore off and he returns to earth:

It might be as simple as this: Belichick had a quarterback succession plan, but Brady’s level of performance outlived Bill’s plan.

Still, the vaunted Patriot Way for 18 years has been to get rid of a guy too early rather than too late. For some reason, that time-tested logic went out the window when it came to Brady. Now Kraft is asking us to believe it was all Bill. So, here we are.

Yes, it could be as simple as that, but Shanks wants to make Mt. Everest out of a molehill, again.

Stirring The Pot, Fanning The Flames

Shank's at it again, this time piggybacking a story by ESPN's Seth Wickersham about potential trouble in Patriots paradise:

THE PROBLEM WITH living your life under the spotlight is that the camera captures only the public eruption, not the months of silent anger. On Dec. 3, when the New England Patriots played the Buffalo Bills, Tom Brady walked to the sideline after throwing late and behind receiver Brandin Cooks on third down, ending a first-quarter drive. Brady was angrier and more irritable than usual, as has often been the case this season in the eyes of some Patriots players and staff. As he unsnapped his chinstrap, Brady passed offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels on the sideline.

It's worth the read if you have the time - looks like a 15 minute column at a minimum. I'm inclined to believe a majority of a column of that length where it is obvious the column spans a good part of the past football season and Seth is a fairly connected journalist, so unlike Ron Borges relying on Drew Bledsoe as his sole source, Seth can compare and corroborate statements from multiple sources for better story accuracy.

But that's not the primary focus for us, dear reader - let's get Shank's take on the matter:

ESPN great job today. But not all new. Volin, Zo, Bedard, Curran been on it. This from Dec. 22 Globe: "Will Brady Guru Break Up The Band?": "We know Kraft puts loyalty to Tom above everything -- even if it perhaps means trading Jimmy G for 2nd rd pick over objections of BB.''

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 5, 2018

I know Shank's just trying to stir the pot some more, but is he also saying that the local Boston sports media just got punked again by a national reporter who put all the pieces together into a single, splashy comprehensive story and they did not? This happened with Yahoo Sports breaking the Red Sox 'chicken and beer' story five-odd years ago.

And So It Begins

Longtime readers will be familiar with the following themes raised in this post, but I'd like to put it out there for some of the folks who are not familiar with Shank when it comes to his treatment of the New England Patriots during the NFL playoffs. The Patriots will be hosting a divisional round game next week with three possible opponents; the Buffalo Bills, the Jacksonville Jaguars Tennessee Titans (corrected, sorry! - ed.) or the Kansas City Chiefs. We've been waiting for this column since Sunday, and we say this as a guide / warning to the fans and sports media of those three franchises:

DO NOT FALL FOR THIS CRAP FROM DAN SHAUGHNESSY!

Contrary to his opening sentence, he does the same tired shtick just about every god damn year as he's done with his latest column. It's as predictable as the snow that lands in my driveway every winter. He's done this to the fans of the St. Louis Rams, the Houston Texans (twice!) (sorry - make that thrice!), the Indianapolis Colts, and this style of column even extends to other sports, like the Boston Celtics against the Cleveland Cavaliers and others which I won't bother with because it's overkill and I'm tired from getting rid of snow for two hours. Regardless, the above links demonstrate a clear and consistent pattern - write columns that are designed to piss of as many people as possible, and the best way to do that is to antagonize both / all fan bases and the media that covers the teams. Let me borrow from the words of Bruce Allen at Boston Sports Media Watch (written four years ago):

...
This resistance to change is apparent in his work, where he provides a mad-libs series of column templates, which are used over and over again. Within these recycled columns, he even recycles elements and references, (tomato cans, Animal House, Warren Zevon, Amos Alonzo Kraft, etc etc etc) most of which are terribly dated, but as mentioned, Shaughnessy’s not big on change.

Where’s the genius part, you ask?

Somehow, Shaughnessy has managed to continually pull off the exact same Jedi mind-trick over and over and over. He gets not only Boston, but opposing cities, and national networks to fall for his schtick and give him the attention (and yes, money!) that he is looking for.

Let’s run through the last 48 hours, so that you can see what I’m talking about here.

On Tuesday, Dan’s horrendous column on Patriots/Colts is published. It’s written in such a way that it will make both sides angry. In a nutshell, the theme is The Patriots suck, but the Colts still can’t beat them.

Patriots fans who read the column – and that number dwindles by the day – were furious. Just another hackjob on the Patriots, and this time he included among the usual drivel, the jab that Gerry Callahan suggested he should use – the one about the life guard chairs.

Even though the column is decidedly anti-Patriots, the title is Colts won’t be a challenge for the Patriots.

And what are we reading today from Shank?

Many of you are tired of me hammering the same old themes (not me! - ed.), so today I’ll leave it to former Patriots general manager Upton Bell to characterize the field of candidates in the NFL’s 2017-18 postseason tournament, which kicks off with four wild-card games this weekend.

“It’s the worst group of playoff teams I’ve seen in 40 years, maybe ever,’’ said Bell. “It’s truly the March of the Tomato Cans.’’

Couldn’t have said it better myself. And I’ve tried, believe me.

That, dear reader, is an understatement!

If you've read those links to his most recent 'work', Bruce Allen's concise analysis of Shank's columns before that time frame, and his most recent column, the pattern should be obvious and jump right out at you.

The words may or may not change, but the story is always the same, every single time. And the bonus? If the Patriots lose, he gets to take a major shit on them, because he's hated Patriots owner Robert Kraft for the past two decades:

What's interesting here is the italicized part above. When the New England Patriots played in their second Super Bowl in 1997, the Patriots threw a party and Shank was not invited. We believe this to be the point where Shank became a lifelong bête noire of the Patriots. If he disliked the Patriots at that point (or, more specifically, owner Robert Kraft), this snub was the proverbial nail in the coffin.

So, what you're seeing is another chapter in a long, long review of the Book of Shaughnessy. Read at your peril!

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXIX

So, the Boston Globe's had a lot of problems over the past year. They've been kicked out of their long-time home, can't seem to get the paper printing thing right, shitcanning some of their top 'talent', doing a hit piece on Tom Brady's charity, and the cherry on top of it all? They found a way to fuck up the biggest Boston sports story of 2017, just to name the big ones.

So how does the new year start off for Boston's Boring Broadsheet? How about possibly having to jack up the price of the newspaper because of a trade dispute with Canada?

There’s a new front in the Canada-U.S. trade war over trees: newsprint.

A Washington state paper maker is asking the U.S. government to impose duties on Canadian imports of uncoated groundwood paper, used in everything from newsprint to book publishing. North Pacific Paper Co., or Norpac, alleges Canadian imports are subsidized and are increasingly taking market share from domestic producers, according to documents filed Aug. 9 with the International Trade Administration.

The Washington, D.C.-based trade administration will announce its decision on whether to initiate an anti-dumping and countervailing investigation into Canadian imports on Wednesday, the agency said in an email Tuesday. The ITA enforces U.S. trade laws and ensures compliance of trade agreements.

$10 says the Globe will soon do a story on this issue, and they'll find a way to blame it on Trump.

Mounting The Shetland Pony Again

Not a surprise - Shank doesn't like certain types of sports fans:

Sorry, but if a photo of Tom Brady or a TB12 is part of your Twitter avatar, you are a fanboyand your opinion on Patriot matters is not taken seriously. #GrowUpYouAreNotTomAndHeDoesNotNeedYourHelp

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 2, 2018

Naturally, many, many people had a problem with this:

So then what does it mean when yours is a picture of NapoleanDynamite? #whydoyouthinkiamhelpingtom

— Eric Houston (@houston5185) January 2, 2018

Still yet to meet someone who appreciates your work in your own hometown.

— Ronald Cipriano(@CiprianoRjcip22) January 2, 2018

Says the guy hashtagginglike a pre-teen...

— Matt (@Picher437) January 2, 2018

How has this guy been around all these years? I remember hating him in elementary school and he is still managing to piss everyone off

— dan(@DannyGriff23) January 2, 2018

If I had a face like Shaughnessy’s, I’d probably use Rosie O’Donnell naked...somehow that’s better

— Ryan Villard (@RyanVillard) January 2, 2018

Here's my question - does Shank write one of those columns next week that troll an entire city? Stay tuned!~

Old Dogs, Old Tricks - Part Infinitum

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. Lots of talk about the pathetic competition the Patriots face in the AFC playoffs. What a lineup of losers.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 2, 2018

You know how this works - set up stratospheric expectations for the Patriots so Shank can take the mother of all dumps on them should they lose.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXVIII

Posted without the slightest bit of irony:

What exactly is zero tolerance on sexual harassment? https://t.co/l430jMcrDi

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) January 2, 2018

Something the Boston Globe refuses to report on and only does so when they received withering criticism when it comes to their own employees and 'subcontractors'?

Why don't you tell us? Can't find any irony here. https://t.co/yuWJo8CFvQ

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) January 2, 2018

The Sun Will Rise, The Sun Will Set - II

...and Shank will make another painfully predictable tweet (or three or four) during a Patriots game.

Commenter Jason Herra, at 2:28 yesterday afternoon (halftime) - "And you can add shortly that he will cry about when is it the right time to take out brady and gronk after the lead is big cuz dan is a football expert all of a sudden"

Shank, one hour later:

Thank god brady still out there slinging it up 24-3 vs. Jets in 4th

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 31, 2017

The Sun Will Rise, The Sun Will Set

...and Shank will make painfully predictable tweets during a Patriots game.

Pats win toss and take ball?
First sign of the apocalypse.
Must have something to do with cold.
BYW: The Sat night playoff game vs Tenn was colder

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 31, 2017

Zero Imagination - Follow-Up!

How could I deprive you, dear reader, of all the positive feedback Shank generated with his tweet this morning?

Oh good, now I can listen to more Christmas music and turn your station off. 4 hours of u bashing the Pats, I would rather sit in a dentist chair

— john (@kneessy) December 29, 2017

I'd rather stick needles in my eyes.

— Jeremy Bamford (@bamford_jeremy) December 29, 2017

No one will be listening.

— WhatGrindsMyGears(@REALLYGRINDZ) December 29, 2017

Thanks for the warning

— donbrennan(@Don02451) December 29, 2017

Maybe you can break down the breakfast buffet you weren't invited to as to give insight on why you hate the Krafts

— Matt Schena(@MattSchena81) December 29, 2017

Damn, I was so looking forward to 3 hours of tomato can talk.

— Angry Kirk (@angry_kirk) December 29, 2017

Did Shank actually say this?

This from a guy who wrote that Morkand Mindy was a better show than Cheers

— BillyFromManchester(@billyskouteris) December 29, 2017

And the winner:

I hope someone drags YOU out of the studio so we can laugh about it for 3-hours.....and longer

— Mike Carbone (@mikecarb) December 29, 2017

Damn Those Fences

Raj clued me in to this.  It started with Bruce Jenkins, columnist/math-fearer/schlub, who tweeted all the things he found bad about WAR (none of which were based on actual, you know, math). Naturally, his fellow Luddite, The CHB, promptly retweeted it.

It appears the original tweet has been taken down, but this one is close enough:

I've been big on stats since I was a little kid, but not WAR. Bill James calls it "not very impressive. They get so far into the data that they throw up their hands and take a wild guess." (cont.)

— Bruce Jenkins (@Bruce_Jenkins1) December 27, 2017

My take: It's the "stick to tradition no matter how ineffective it is" approach. Take Cy Young. Since he threw 749 complete games, major league managers should go back to leaving their starting pitchers in the whole time. Obviously that's the path to success, and all these relievers are just mucking up everything, right? While we are at it, let's go back to the single/stolen base/swing at everything approach. And get rid of those damn seats and fences. People can stand, dammit.

The game changes as our understanding of it changes, and anyone who doesn't adapt gets left behind. 

Likewise for WAR, WARP, VORP, and a host of other descriptors. Stats are just a means to describe what happened. They are a language, based on numbers. The language of the game evolves, as all languages do. Anyone want to read a gamer written in Elizabethan English? I didn't think so.

Zero Imagination

How are you gonna bore the living shit out of your audience today, Shank?

On 98.5 SportsHub filling in for Zo and Beetle today with Marshall Hook from 10-2. Hoping somebody storms out of studio so we can talk about it for three hours.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 29, 2017

UPDATE AT 11:08 AM - I feel like calling in and asking Shank how climate change is going to affect the Pats / Jets game on Sunday.

UPDATE AT 11:24 AM - Shank and his co-host are getting mauled by a bunch of callers because they did not fully understand the injury situation / roster implications with regard to Aaron Rodgers.

UPDATE AT 12:02 PM - I cannot believe Shank had the balls to say what I just heard - "Well crafted writing is not valued anymore." Oh, please! When was the last time we read something from Shank that was 'well crafted', that wasn't also marred by his trademark trolling and relentless negativity? I've now reached my bullshit quota for the day.

Mea Culpa Time?

Well, not exactly. Two posts below I noted that Shank opined that James Harrison quit on the Steelers, and that a number of respondents pointed out that this wasn't the case. Today we learn that a number of Steelers players are saying he did just that:

Players witnessed Harrison sleeping in a recliner during position meetings and snoring loudly while outside linebackers coach Joey Porter tried to teach, the source said. Sometimes, Harrison would skip meetings altogether, and when he missed practices for various injuries, player suspicions would rise when Harrison conducted his famous power-lifting sessions the same week or day, the source said.

Harrison left the building at random times, would leave stadiums before or during games on days he was inactive and told teammates he was trying to get traded, released or placed on Injured Reserve, the source said.

The source said Harrison exhibited the behavior throughout the season, but players really started to notice Harrison checking out on game days after a Week 4 win over the Ravens.

If Shank knew this at the time of his tweet, I think it would have helped his case along these lines. I'm adding this as a follow-up post in case there's any doubt about the situation, which is - if these stories are true, and there's no reason right now to dismiss them, Harrison definitely checked out, or quit, on the Steelers.

UPDATE AT 3:58 PMI might want to finish reading the whole thing before posting - did he quit on the team if they promised him more playing snaps and then renege on that promise? There's always two sides to the story, so here they are.

Can't Wait For The Arbitron Ratings

Are they trying to lose the audience on purpose? Why would you do this to them for four hours? Doesn't the Constitution prohibit 'cruel and unusual punishment'?

In the big chair 10-2 again today with @Dan_Shaughnessy, we’ll be joined at noon by @AlbertBreer - tune in and give a holler at 617 779 0985

— Christian Arcand (@ChristianArcand) December 28, 2017

Do Three Data Points Make A Trend?

Probably not, but that doesn't stop Shank from making the attempt:

The Patriot Way: Quit on your old team. Get released. Join Patriots. Blount. Bennett. Now Harrison.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 27, 2017

When I was growing up in Manchester, I remember running through the back yard, stepped on a rake at full running tilt and smacked myself right in the face, hard enough for me to fall down hard, just like Wile E. Coyote used to do. This tweet is the online equivalent of the rake faceplant:

Did Harrison really quit on his team? They didn’t play him and then released him. He wasn’t supposed to sign with another team? Guy didn’t have a job.

— Katie Morrison (@KatieMo61) December 27, 2017

Facts are stubborn things, Katie! You know Shank isn't going to pay much attention to that sort of thing when he's pushing his scorched-earth agenda.

The Patriot Way: Run an orginazionenvied by the best players. Attract disgruntled players with the opportunity to win and be respected. Have even their small role be highly valued. Good coaching brings out the best in them. Everyone wins.

— ZacYork (@zacpme) December 27, 2017

He's still not over that snub by the Patriots from twenty years ago, Zac.

Except that the Steelers signed Harrison last March, refused to play him, then they cut him.

What do you think he was supposed to do then? Quit looking for a job?

— TheSplitScreen(@TheSplitScreen) December 27, 2017

This one will leave a mark:

Sort of like some of the sports reporters that quit the Globe and went elswhere..

— NE FAN (@stomlin64) December 27, 2017

...and the winner:

pic.twitter.com/f5PZ29ZLxO

— NYC Pizza Rat🍕🐀 (@realNYCPizzaRat) December 27, 2017

And Now For More Boston Globe (Employee) Bashing - LXVII

Retweeted by Shank:

It will all trickle down. Count on it. https://t.co/eEuDaO3JD7

— Kevin Paul Dupont(@GlobeKPD) December 24, 2017

Question for Kevin Paul Dupont - how well did the Globe's 1.1 billion dollar 1993 purchase by the New York Times 'trickle down' to you and the rest of the staff? Here's my analysis - it didn't. The Taylor family scooped it all up for themselves and you didn't say jack shit about it. Where's the anger towards them? Hypocritical bag of shit...

Second Guessing - A Christmas Pasttime!

I don't think Shank has ever had a firm grasp on 'good ideas':

Might be good idea to keep Gronkowski on bench now

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 24, 2017

Jerkoff Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Second half Bills / Patriots tweets, presented without comment:

NFL just overturned David Tyree catch and declared Patriots winners of SB XLII

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 24, 2017

Just give Patriots the game

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 24, 2017

Discordant Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

The brontosaurus of the dying newspaper industry doesn't seem to think we notice when he says two completely different things about the same close game within 40 minutes of each other.

Bills paying attention. They knew enough to make the Patriots take the ball to start the game. No double score today. Wonder where Alex G is watching from?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 24, 2017

Embarrassing two play calls by Bills. This is why everybody sucks against the Patriots. #Cans

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 24, 2017

The only thing that should be embarrassing is Shank not feeling that emotion for saying the same god damn thing week after week, year after year.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXVI

So there's been a major federal tax cut signed into law, which will benefit most taxpayers and corporations, now that the cost of capital have been reduced. Guess which newspaper has a problem with it?

Trump’s shoutout to Bob Kraft raises questions

The GOP tax overall is so incredible for business owners and the economy, Patriots owner Robert Kraft is building a factory in North Carolina. It’s going to be a beautiful thing!

That’s at least the story President Trump is selling.

Trump told the world Friday that Kraft, whose family firm owns Rand-Whitney along with other paper and packaging businesses, called him Thursday to talk up the $1.5 trillion tax cut that Republicans whisked to Trump’s desk. Because of the bill, Trump said, his buddy in Foxborough is going to buy “a big plant” in North Carolina and will build a “paper products plant” there.

Are you guys mad because your newspaper's not getting bailed out?

And yes, Shank retweeted this because it's critical of Bob Kraft. Keep it classy, Shank!

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXV

Boston Globe ass-covering weasel editor Brian McGrory issues a half-assed and unconvincing apology about not naming one of their three employees accused of sexual harassment:

We published a story on Dec. 8 about news organizations, including the Globe, facing sexual misconduct issues in their midst as they cover these issues elsewhere. The story noted that a Globe journalist was “pressured into resigning” after misconduct accusations were made against him.

At the time, Globe editors chose not to publicly identify the journalist. We believed that we were adhering to our journalistic principles, standards on sourcing, and sense of basic fairness. We believed that the misconduct was not at the level of what we had been covering and uncovering in other organizations. We didn’t believe we had definitive proof to name him in a news story.

Time and circumstances in this extraordinary national movement have given us, or at least me, a different perspective.

That's because he got his ass kicked over his world-class hypocrisy, and they're still not naming the other two. Until they do that, they're still world class hypocrites, and I expect nothing else from leftists.

Also - I wonder why they've turned off the comments to that article?

In Case You Were Wondering

Shank still hates Robert Kraft:

During the bill-signing Friday morning, President Trump said, “A friend of mine, Bob Kraft, called me last night. He said this tax bill is incredible.” https://t.co/IPG7Ip55zn

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) December 22, 2017

Of course he did . . . https://t.co/EJgtYElV9K

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 22, 2017

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Sometimes you need to think through the potential ramifications of what you say and write:

One of the most depressing things I have read. Fanboy journalism wins. Let’s all just be team websites. #pathetic https://t.co/jX5cbkPxoX

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 22, 2017

What if a team owner bought the local city newspaper that covers his team, as well as the cable channel that carries all the regular season games? How “objective” could that be?

— Red Sox 24/7 (@SaltPointer) December 22, 2017

I can pinpoint your columns for the next year: Tomato cans, Seymour HOF, BB overrated, Best Buddies, Al Davis was the greatest, Red Sox owners can't do wrong, Brady is a system QB - you guys are from the 80's your Delorian is calling

— FITNESS247 (@onetime72) December 22, 2017

Another Early Christmas Present For Shank

When Shank gets to stir the pot, clear out of the kitchen!

Rock ‘n’ roll folklore holds that Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles, just as Svengali Dr. Eugene Landy took Brian Wilson away from the Beach Boys.

If you're under 40, do you a) know or b) care about Yoko Ono or the fucking Beach Boys?

And now here in Boston we have faux doctor Alex “Yoko” Guerrero (thank you, Greg Bedard, Boston Sports Journal) threatening the longstanding ties that bind the world champion Patriots.

I exaggerate, of course. That’s what we do here in the toy department. Still, it’s a mistake to follow the lead of the formidable New England Patriots media cartel (where most everyone either works for the team or is afraid of the team) and insists that the presence of Tom Brady’s guru Guerrero is no threat to break up the band at Gillette.

And now he starts laying it on thick:

But there are storm clouds over Gillette.

Tom is the greatest of all time. But he is increasingly vested in the power and promotion of TB12 and all things Guerrero.

Bill is the greatest coach of all time and has the power to order fans to leap off the Zakim Bridge. But he did not get his way with Garoppolo back in October (no way Belichick wanted to trade the kid) and — in a move that may or may not be related — clearly doesn’t want the rest of his team under the spell of Guerrero.

It’s hard to blame Belichick on this one. Of course he wants Tom to be happy. Putting up with Guerrero has been relatively harmless until now. But now some players are saying they’d rather do what Alex says than follow the instructions of the Patriots training staff. Almost half of the Patriots players are now working out on their own time with Guerrero.

There's more at the link and probably worth reading. I think Guerrero is, um, shady but whatever he's doing with Brady seems to be working.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXIV

Gearing up for a Profile in Courage Award?

Brian McGrory canceled his weekly Wednesday interview with Jim and Margery on NPR today.

— Kirk and Callahan (@KirkAndCallahan) December 20, 2017

Gee - I wonder why he cancelled?

UPDATE AT 2:00 PM - The Catholic League piles on:

Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the Boston Globe‘s practice of keeping confidential the names of employees charged with sexual abuse:

In the 1970s, a senior editor at the Boston Globe was known to sexually harass young female workers. He would ply them with alcohol and then make advances. More important, he was not the only one who preyed on women. But nothing was done to stop him, or the others.

Sexual abuse is still going on at the Globe. In March, a young woman employee filed a complaint against a male journalist with human resources. She said he propositioned her to have sex with his wife. But nothing came of it. One year ago, the same man propositioned her to have sex with him. He was allowed to stay on the job, until, that is, more accusations were made against him from outside the office.

So who is he? The Globe refuses to say. They declared this to be a “confidential personnel matter.”

If it weren't for double standards, the Boston Globe would have no standards at all.

This Will Be Good For A Few Shank Columns

One of Shank's targets retired last year, and he'll soon get his own reality show:

If we learned anything about David Ortiz during his 20-year career in Major League Baseball, it was that he like cameras. Ortiz was a media favorite, a staple of local and national advertising, and the guy most likely to run onto the field during the Home Run Derby holding a Gatorade bottle. So it’s no surprise he plans to stay on camera in retirement, even beyond his gig as an analyst on Fox’s postseason baseball coverage.

The cable network Fusion announced Tuesday that it will partner will Ortiz on a new 10-part reality series called “Big Papi Needs a Job,” in which the former slugger tests out professions such as dog groomer, manicurist, and musician in search of a new career.

How about a Boston Globe sports columnist? It can't be any worse than what we have now...

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXIII

It seems the Boston Globe is real eager to publicize local media's run-ins with accusations of sexual harassment:

The Globe has written stories about individuals such as WBUR’s Tom Ashbrook, Boston union leader Tyrek Lee, and NESN anchor Marc James, who exchanged texts with a woman who turned down his requests for a date.

More on James in a minute, but would you care to guess the organization that the Boston Globe refuses to name about a 'prominent State House reporter'?

A PROMINENT BOSTON GLOBE State House reporter, who was the subject of an internal sexual harassment complaint, was forced out last month after reporters and editors at the paper learned he allegedly initiated inappropriate communications with women who work on Beacon Hill, who were fearful of rebuffing his advances outright because of his position, say sources.

Someone put two and two together:

According to sources familiar with the situation, Jim O’Sullivan, a longtime State House fixture who had been one of the Globe’s leading political reporters, was forced to resign after Globe reporters were alerted during the course of reporting on sexual harassment in the Legislature that he had uncomfortable and unwanted written communications with at least one woman, and possibly a second, who had work-related dealings with the Globe. It’s unclear whether the women worked in state government or in some other capacity on Beacon Hill.

The forced resignation came eight months after O’Sullivan was the subject of a complaint to the Globe’s human resources department by a young woman who worked at the paper. The internal incident was detailed as part of a larger story the Globe ran on December 8 about sexual harassment in the media. O’Sullivan was not named in the article, which referred only to a “male employee” journalist at the paper, a decision that has stirred controversy because of the Globe’s coverage of the so-called #MeToo movement and its willingness to name names in covering other incidents.

And why won't the Boston Globe acknowledge this or name the reporter?

In his memo to staff, McGrory defended his decision as a matter of standards.

Standards, as in 'double standard'! It's also clear that there may be at least two others, and the Globe has clammed up on those names as well. Someone else will have to step up and report the names; the Globe won't do it.

Now this part's worrisome - about Marc James, it's reported that his 'crime' was being turned down for what seems to be two or more requests for a date. If that's all it was, do we really want to criminalize men asking women for dates and / or characterizing it as sexual harassment? If that's the case, it's clear this #MeToo thing has gotten way out of hand.

I did a little more digging about Marc James, and the harassment charge stems from him snapping and flipping out on the woman after he was turned down. I'm leaving the above paragraph up because it seems to me that this issue is now 'trial by social media' in which every accused man is deemed guilty and his career ruined, and I don't think we're far away from criminalizing or browbeating men for asking a woman out on a date. There's a reason books like this one get written.

Boring The Audience

I'd really love to know the hour to hour ratings for some of these shows; I can't imagine this particular segment getting anything stratospheric, given this thrilling content.

On with @ZoandBertrand today from 10-12. Final playing of Mitch Miller and the Gang for this Christmas season. Will ask Zo about Terrible Towel placed on floor of aisle on my flight home from Pittsburgh.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 19, 2017

The One Where The Patriots Beat The Steelers Again

You want a real Shank / Patriots bandwagon column? Here you go:

PITTSBURGH — When, oh when, will they ever learn?

When it comes to Patriots-Steelers, the Patriots will always win. It doesn’t matter if the game appears to have gone the other way. It doesn’t matter if the Steelers are playing at home and seem to have scored a winning touchdown with only 34 seconds remaining.

In the end, the Patriots will come into Steeltown and they will cut the Steelers’ hearts right out of their puffed-up chests. And they will send Pittsburgh’s proud fans into pigskin therapy.

Now He's Just Messin' With Us

Adrian Gonzalez was traded from the L.A. Dodgers to the Atlanta Braves yesterday. I'm pretty sure Shank's not serious here, right?

@Dan_Shaughnessy Now that Braves have acquired and are planning on DFAing "The Cooler", any rumblings of a Boston reunion?

— Jon Tapper (@TapperJonathan) December 16, 2017

He’s tanned, rested and ready to come back to Boston. The Cooler. The Sequel https://t.co/gSIfZJSEbz

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 16, 2017

No Worries, Mate

Are you worried about Sunday's Patriots game at the Steelers? Fear not, intrepid reader - Shank's here to assuage your fears:

Patriots-Steelers. This is epic. It’s is a classic clash of football cultures.

The Patriots do things quietly. The Steelers are loud.

Bill Belichick and the Patriots pretend it’s just another game. Mike Tomlin and the Steelers go into Hype Overdrive.

But we know how it will unfold. After all the news and noise, the Patriots will go into Pittsburgh and cut the Steelers’ hearts out. Again.

No tomato cans this week, Shank?

Truth be told, he makes a solid argument - worth reading in full, and we don't say that very often around here.

Nattering Nabob Of Negativity

Where would anyone ever get the impression that Boston sports reporters & columnists are among the most negative people in the United States?

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 10-12. Lots of Sox bashing and some good Tomlin stuff. Plus Mitch Miller and the Gang.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 14, 2017

Oh - that's where!

A Christmas Card From Shank To Tom Brady

Dear Tom:

Remember when I used the pages of the Boston Globe to call you a cheater?

We're good now, right?

Your pal,

Shank

Admit it, Patriots fans. You never even think about Tom getting hurt anymore. It doesn’t matter that he’s 40 and it doesn’t matter that he gets hit a lot. Tom seems to know just how to fall. Tom preaches pliability. He knows how to sense danger when the pocket is collapsing.

Bill Belichick is certainly confident about Brady’s health. After getting a look at Brady this summer, the Hoodie was comfortable trading Jacoby Brissett. A few months later, Bill shook up the Patriot universe again, trading The Future — Jimmy Garappolo — to San Francisco.

Give it time - Shank will be second guessing that trade soon enough.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXI

As Larry Bird once said to Chuck Person, Merry Fucking Christmas!

The Herald's bankruptcy filing reports that among the debts the paper owes is an estimated $600,000 to the Boston Globe for "trade services," i.e., the cost of printing the Herald on its Taunton printing presses.

Red Sox Respond To The Yankees

Glad that whole Giancarlo Stanton situation's been resolved:

Red Sox have answered Yankee moves. Take that, Yanks! https://t.co/pBB6Edl17H

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 13, 2017

So long, Bud — Sam Adams is the new official beer of the Red Sox https://t.co/FqnkfTPxz5

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) December 13, 2017

A Tale Of Two Tweets

Before:

Game over early again.
Pats win flip. Defer to second half.
Get ready for the double score.
We're on to Pittsburgh

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 12, 2017

...and after:

Sure this was bad, but it really changed nothing https://t.co/acr0Hw3CxH via @BostonGlobe

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 12, 2017

Shots Fired!

Did Peter Abraham, Shank's colleague at the Boston Globe, just flip him off? It sure looks that way!

Shank, two days ago:

With the Patriots headed to Minneapolis for the Super Bowl and the Celtics off to a near-historic start, the local baseball team does nothing day after day.

Peter Abraham, today:

For Red Sox, making a smart acquisition — not a fast one — is what matters

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. — The temptation is to demand action. The Red Sox must make a move after the Yankees traded for Giancarlo Stanton and they must do it now.

But that’s a formula for mistakes, not success.

Spring training starts on Feb. 14, more than two months from now. Making a hasty acquisition proves nothing. Making a smart acquisition, even if it takes a few weeks, is what matters. You can’t win any games in December.

That's Peter Abraham basically calling Shank an asshole.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LX

Why are nearly all liberal / leftist institutions chock full of men sexually harassing women?

The department had a “culture problem,” said Linda Henry, the Globe’s managing director. “It had become a boys’ club.”

The Globe has since made a number of management changes across the business side of the organization.

Translation - 'We shitcanned a bunch of men.'

And the result:

The Globe’s review continued after the watershed Weinstein revelations. Henry has been meeting internally with women at the newspaper to discuss workplace culture, as part of the unfolding national discourse on sexual harassment, a movement often referred to by the hashtag #MeToo.

In a number of informal interviews over the past two weeks for this story, women at the Globe had overall positive things to say about the current work culture in the news department where three of the top five jobs are held by women, and 22 of the 44 managers are women. Some have worked here for years and said they had never seen anything that would constitute harassment. Henry said different departments at the Globe seem to have their own cultures, and she was convinced the newsroom climate is “not one of sexual harassment or sexism.”

Which will be fine until the Globe joins the Boston Herald in the financial graveyard.

DHL Dan LXIII - Hot Stove Whining

It was announced about nine hours ago that the New York Yankees have acquired top free agent Giancarlo Stanton. About two hours ago Shank's already complaining about the Red Sox not responding to it:

■ Giancarlo Stanton is about to become a Yankee. This is big, people. The Yankees now have two guys who combined for 111 homers last season. It’s back to Mantle-Maris, circa 1961. The addition of Stanton gives the Bronx Bombers a lineup that includes Stanton, Aaron Judge, Gary Sanchez, Didi Gregorius, Brett Gardner, Greg Bird, and Aaron Hicks. The Sox will need more than electronic devices to beat that team. Stanton’s popups to right will be homers in Yankee Stadium. With Derek Jeter helping his old team, the deal is already being compared to Kevin McHale sending Kevin Garnett to the Celtics. Meanwhile, could the Boston baseball winter be any more boring? With the Patriots headed to Minneapolis for the Super Bowl and the Celtics off to a near-historic start, the local baseball team does nothing day after day. And it’s trouble that both Shohei Ohtani and Stanton put Boston on the no-fly list. Guess not everybody wants to play here anymore.

First thing - I continue to be amazed at Shank's ability (and his complete unreasonableness) to whine and bitch about stuff like this. Second thing - I checked a few news stories about this trade (see here and here and here), and I'm unable to verify Shank's hyperbolic statement that "Stanton put Boston on the no-fly list". That's just Shank throwing gas on the fire that he started. Some rational thought on Boston's response can be found here.

From there, it's more baseball stuff and yet another unprofessional criticism of Robert Kraft. Why does he continue to call him Amos Alonzo? Probably because he's still pissed at that Super Bowl breakfast snub from 1996, that's why.

Things that Shank has already written about two dozen times:

■ The AFC has only two good teams and it’s hard to believe the Patriots will be tested any time in January. Most likely to challenge New England is probably the not-so-talented Ravens, because they have two things no one else has: a coach (John Harbaugh) and quarterback (Joe Flacco) who don’t lose their minds at the sight of Bill Belichick and Tom Brady.

He didn't notice when McGwire and Sosa were hitting all those home runs but he notices it now:

■ Adderall is on the list of banned substances in major league baseball, but according to Sports Illustrated’s L. Jon Wertheim, a 2013 report stated that 119 major league players had obtained “therapeutic use exemptions,” allowing for a prescription and absolvement from any tests detecting the banned substance. That’s almost 10 percent of the MLB workforce with a permission slip allowing a banned substance. Hmm.

Bonus - Larry Bird sighting!