Having It Both Ways

Typical Shank second guessing - if the Patriots win big, it is due in part to...

Tremendous stat-padding drive by Pats makes it 38-3 with 3:26 left.
Great to see Tom dropping back to pass on all those plays. Hope he comes back again in final minute for more. Bill still really hates the Jets. #karma

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 30, 2018

Give It A Rest Already

Shank's strange obsession with Richard Berman continues, for some damned reason.

Walt Coleman in the House for Pats-Jets today. I'm guessing this means all challenges will be reviewed by Judge Richard Berman.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 30, 2018

pic.twitter.com/e1SQJJDw9p

— Scott Kaplan (@WxManScott) December 30, 2018

He Got One Right!

I forgot to mention this one yesterday. I was pulling into the North Quincy T lot when Shank went on 98.5 The Sports Hub to fill in for Scott Zolak & Marc Bertrand. I wasn't going to wait to hear how it turned out; I'll just let Shank take it from here:

On today from 10-2 with Matt McCarthy filling in for @ZoandBertrand. It's bum-of-month-club week at the Hub with all of us filling in for the real stars. Hope Scott from Wrentham calls. We will have BB Hall ballot talk, Pats playoffs, Celtics struggles, etc. Dan's Dates 12:50

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 28, 2018

Shank Still Hates Numbers, A Continuing Series

Presented without comment:

Bracing for the next round of Patriots Media Cartel telling us how -- upon further review -- the AFC East actually doesn't suck.
It does.
Pats are only team never challenged in own division for almost every year of 18 years. No shame in admitting that. Not that difficult.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 26, 2018

While that may be true, they have been equally dominant inside and outside their division. Not many choose to acknowledge that. pic.twitter.com/T7q4veQ9uZ

— Cjmullysr(@mullinsnova) December 26, 2018

pic.twitter.com/keqGAeLo23

— RP III (@_BobbyPerry) December 26, 2018

Patriots Path To The Playoffs

Shank avoids in-game commentary (to avoid the jackass experience) on the Patriots / Bills game to deliver this incisive commentary:

Here it comes. Same old, same old. Pats easy win. Philly will beat Texans. Pats vault to 2 seed. 1st rd bye. Easy home game. KC knocked off in divisional round. AFC Championship again at Gillette. Even when Pats not that good, they get to Super Bowl. #MarchoftheTomatoCans

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 23, 2018

What Shank Wants For Christmas

He's not asking for much, is he?

If you pool all the NBA players for a dispersal draft to build a new team, I take the Greek Freak with the first pick.

You can have Anthony Davis, Kevin Durant, Karl-Anthony Towns, or Kawhi Leonard.

I have seen the NBA Future and its name is Giannis Antetokounmpo. Better known as the Greek Freak.

He’s 24 years old, 6 feet 11 inches, 235 pounds, and already in his sixth season in the NBA. He’ll be at the Garden Friday night with the first-place Milwaukee Bucks, who took the Celtics to seven games in a first-round playoff series last spring.

Shameless Shank

A day after declaring the Patriots dynasty all but over, Shank now tells us that they're not dead yet:

Don’t forget about the Patriots’ mojo factor

We can agree that the 2018 Patriots are not one of the stronger Bill Belichick/Tom Brady editions. Measured against their own heightened standards, these Pats do not compare with most of the Gillette teams that preceded them. They can’t win on the road, the ever-handsome Brady has become a Nervous Nellie in the pocket, and New England’s run defense looks as if it was designed by Bobby Valentine.

Headlines in the wake of Sunday’s loss have been predictable. Tuesday’s sampler includes: “Meet the Suddenly Ordinary Pats” (Globe); “How The Grinch Stole The Patriots’ Invincibility” (Wall Street Journal); “Patriots Look Ordinary, Vulnerable” (USA Today).

At times like this it’s important try to remember the secret weapon of the Patriot reign of the last 18 years.

It’s the time-tested, Walt Coleman/Pete Carroll/Richard Berman Factor.

I am talking about the horseshoe. The juju. The karma. I’m talking about the football gods that always shine on the House of Kraft. When all hope is lost, we need to remember that there’s almost always a Tuck Rule, a goofy slant pass, or a Patriot-lovin’ federal judge just around the corner.

Leaving aside the fact that Judge Berman did not help the Patriots win any games, we'd just like to point out the last two Shank columns seriously contradict each other, and he does not care in the slightest if anyone notices this.

Asking The Tough Questions

Not a difficult call, but when the New England Patriots lose two games in a row, it's all hands on deck to ask whether The End Is Near:

PITTSBURGH — Have we reached the expiration date on the Patriots dynasty?

We’ve wondered this before. And each time the Patriots have answered with another surge to a Super Bowl. That could still happen again between now and February. The weakened 2018 Patriots should be able to win their final two regular-season games (home layups with the Bills and Jets) and perhaps the Chiefs, Chargers, Texans, Ravens, Steelers, and Colts will all go south before the start of the NFL tournament. It’s possible that these Patriots could still secure a first-round bye, have their way in January, win a couple of games at Gillette, and mock their detractors on the way to Atlanta for Super Bowl LIII.

And speaking of 'detractors'...

...
But it doesn’t feel like another Patriots playoff surge is coming, does it? There comes a time when mystique and aura are nothing more than smoke and mirrors. There comes a time when being smarter is not enough, when waiting for the other guy to step on his own appendage will not guarantee victory. There comes a time when your own ability and execution are more important than all the good things that have happened before. There comes a time when you will not get the benefit of some strange rule that will be changed during the offseason. There come a time when assuming the other guy will lose his mind and hand you the game is more hope than reality.

So Miami and Pittsburgh weren't 'tomato cans' after all? Or is that going to be the theme for the next two weeks (with the upcoming Bills and Jets games)? It's almost confusing, unless you know that the 'tomato can' theory is complete bullshit and used just to get a rise out of Patriots fans.

You Were Saying?

Steerlers 1st and goal from 4. Come away with nothing. This is paint-by-numbers formula for losing to New England. Defeat by stupidity.
Wait for it.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 16, 2018

Wait for Shank to blister the Patriots with a column to the contrary any moment now...

Original Gameday Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Bet you've never heard this one before!

Pats lose toss. Steelers take the ball.
Playing right into Bill's hands.
When will they ever learn?
now watch Steelers go from 4 seed to 8 seed. In three hours.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 16, 2018

Return Of The Tomato Cans - Part Deux!

You just knew this was coming, didn't you?

PITTSBURGH — This is football country. It’s the home of Mean Joe Greene, the Steel Curtain, the Terrible Towel and the Immaculate Reception. It’s where thick-fingered fans belly up to the bar for a shot-and-a-beer after an overnight shift. It’s the birthplace of Johnny Unitas and Dan Marino. It’s where folks speak in reverent tones about the Rooney family, Chuck Noll, and six Super Bowl championships — more than any NFL franchise.

Swell.

So how in the name of Terry Bradshaw did quaint Olde New England become a football region capable of mocking the vaunted gridiron culture of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania?

Because of the five Super Bowl championships by the Patriots?

The Patriots are at Heinz Field on Sunday and no one in Greater Boston is worried about the outcome. The 2018 Steelers probably have more talent than this year’s Patriots. The Steelers are playing at home and have much on the line. The Steelers will have 68,000 black-and-gold clad fans making it difficult for Tom Brady to hear when the Patriots offense goes to work in the enclosed end of the stadium.

And none of it will matter. The Patriots will beat the Steelers because they always beat the Steelers. In this century, the gridiron glory and tradition belongs to Bill Belichick, Brady, and Patriot Nation. Pats fans laugh at the Steelers and make fun of them as if they are the Tampa Bay Rays or the Orlando Magic.

Milking It, By Dan Shaughnessy - A Continuing Series

Not content with ragging on the Patriots a single time for their loss last Sunday to the Miami Dolphins, he feels the need to do so a second time this week.

We’re on to Pittsburgh . . .

Actually, no. This is New England in 2018, and we don’t let go of a horrible loss. Not overnight. Not in a couple of days. Sometimes never.

“It’s the National Football League,’’ Bill Belichick reminded us on WEEI Monday. “No one died.’’

That’s easy for you to say, Bill. Here in New England, we never let these things go (anyone seen Malcolm Butler?). We dissect and analyze. We perform an autopsy. We spit out pieces of our broken luck and wallow in a quagmire of agony. We seek counseling.

And we rate the pain.

And write column after column after column about huge, heartbreaking losses by the pro sports teams in Boston like the relentlessly negative asshole he is.

Loving The Loss

There's no other way to describe this latest column of Shank's - he's absolutely delighted about the Patriots' 34-33 loss to the Dolphins on Sunday.

MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. — OK, let’s just call it the worst non-playoff loss in Boston sports history.

Hyperbole?

Maybe not. I dare you to come up with anything more hideous and ghoulish than what happened to the Patriots at Hard Rock Stadium Sunday afternoon. And the consequences are likely to be enormous.

By now you have probably seen the Dolphins’ hook and ladder/double lateral a million times. You’ve seen the 69-yard touchdown scramble pass play with seven seconds left in the game. It was Ryan Tannehill to Kenny Stills to DeVante Parker to Kenyan Drake. The lasting image of the play will be that of the world’s largest defensive back — Achilles’-aching Rob Gronkowski — diving in vain as Drake bolted past him and into the end zone after time expired. The only thing missing was the trombone player from the Stanford marching band.

Talk of tomato cans, luck and everything falling the Patriots' way will start again soon, but not until Shank does a victory lap over the next couple of days, and he will be insufferable on his next Sports Hub appearance.

DHL Dan - LXXIX

Just what I wanted for Christmas - another picked-up pieces column!

The Baseball President

Shank's latest column, on the recently deceased former President:

No president was more of a baseball guy than George H.W. Bush

George Herbert Walker Bush was a baseball guy.

He had a photo taken with Babe Ruth. He played college ball against Vin Scully and twice played in the College World Series in Omaha. He got Ted Williams to campaign for him in New Hampshire in 1988. He invited Ted and Joe DiMaggio to the Rose Garden for lunch in 1991 — the 50th anniversary of Ted’s .406 season and Joe’s 56-game hitting streak. Bush presented Ted with the Presidential Medal of Freedom that same year.

Bush entertained fellow Texan Roger Clemens at the White House in the summer of 1986 and invited a pack of sportswriters to the Roosevelt Room to talk about baseball before the start of the 1989 playoffs.

Whoops!

More evidence that Shank does not have an editor:

.@Dan_Shaughnessy: Here’s all you need to know — Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are 37-5 in December in Foxborough. https://t.co/0P40YDfgiv

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) December 3, 2018

Correction: The Patriots are 33-4 in Foxboroughin December during the Brady/Belichickera. https://t.co/brQlSeifM7

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) December 3, 2018

Living In The Past, A Continuing Series

Dear Bill Belichick:

Remember when your Patriots team sucked big hairy donkey balls? I do!

Sincerely,

Your pal, Shank

The Patriots have an important home game against the Vikings on Sunday. The Patriots currently are the No. 2 seed in the AFC and stand a chance to earn the conference’s top spot over the last five weeks of the season. New England is primed to win its division for the 10th consecutive season and we fully expect the Patriots to be in the AFC Championship game for the eighth straight year. A ninth Super Bowl for Bill Belichick and Tom Brady is certainly a possibility for Feb. 3.

It wasn’t always like this.

And I’m not talking about Billy Sullivan, Rod Rust, or the Foxborough Follies of the 20th century.

Anybody remember when Bill Belichick was the local football doofus and the Patriots were the Tomato Cans of the AFC East?

Shank sure does - to no one's surprise, he already wrote this column two-plus years ago and reuses it again today. What does this have to do with today's game? Absolutely nothing, other than to once again troll Patriots fans, take a dump on Bill Belichick and generally be an asshole.

Shank's Most Recent Red Sox Whipping Post

That would be the apparently soon-to-be former closer Craig Kimbrel:

Good luck to the team that falls for him. Overrated. Master of clean inning 3-run lead save vs Orioles. High leverage? Real pressure? Not so much https://t.co/DvTJZo1aSH

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 30, 2018

Isn't it funny that Shank's been pulling his punches criticizing Red Sox players ever since John Henry bought the Globe and told Shank to shut his piehole chooses to step up the criticism on them once they're on the outs with the team? He'll now rip him every now and then like he's been doing to Adrian Gonzalez whenever his name makes the news.

DHL Dan - LXXVIII

When you're unable to shit on the New England Patriots (much) the Boston Bruins or the Boston Celtics (because their last games were all wins), you get the Picked-Up Pieces column:

Picked-up pieces while reminding you that Truck Day is Feb. 4, the day after the Patriots win the Super Bowl . . .

■ Here’s one more thing to like about your World Series-winning Red Sox: They beat the Yankees every way possible this year, including in decency and generosity.

We all know the Sox finished eight games ahead of the Bronx Bombers and wiped out the Steinbrenner AC in four games in the Division Series. Now it turns out that in addition to being losers in the AL East, the Yanks were also cheap and petty.

Cheap and petty - does that remind you of anyone?

In late-season share meetings, when players had to decide how many full shares would be doled out after the playoffs, the Red Sox authorized 66 full shares while the Yankees agreed to only 45. This is life-changing money for support staffers working for a major league team.

And Shank continues to bash the Patriots' division, the AFC East:

■ I love it when ever-sensitive Patriots fans (no slight shall go without vicious reply on Twitter or talk show) try to tell me there is actual competition in the AFC East. No. There is not. The Dolphins, Bills, and Jets stink every single year. Winning the AFC East is like signing up for Facebook.

It’s OK to admit.

It's not okay to 'admit' it when it's complete hogwash. This site has pointed out time and again / ad nauseum that any meaningful examination of total wins by a given division almost always has the AFC East in the mix if not outright winning the most games in a year compared to the other divisions. I was listening to Shank's appearance on Zolak and Bertrand yesterday morning (just past 11:00 AM) that stat geeks were sending him data that supports the position that the AFC East by this measurement (total wins) is not a terrible division (and check out the links above when this has come up in the past). In other words, Shank knows that the data does not support his position but he continues to spread his bullshit in order to keep trolling fans of the Patriots.

The Biennial Paul Pierce Question

Shank writes a column about Paul Pierce's rightful place amongst the all-time Celtic greats:

Red Auerbach didn’t live to see Paul Pierce win an NBA championship with the Celtics, but Red knew what kind of a player he had a few years after the Celtics selected Pierce out of Kansas in 1998.

“He would absolutely fit in with the Celtic teams I coached,’’ an 84-year-old Red told me in 2004. “He’s the whole package, offensively and defensively. He’s respectful, and he doesn’t bitch. Old-fashioned. I really like him.’’

Red died a couple of years later, two years too soon to see Pierce named MVP of the NBA Finals when the Celtics destroyed the Lakers, 131-92, in the sixth and deciding game of the championship series.

If you get the feeling that you've read this column before, it's because you have read this column before!

Hot Gameday Takes, By Dan Shaughnessy - II

Never heard this one before!

This will be a double-score day for Pats. Bank on it. Last minute of first half and first possession after halftime.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 25, 2018

Hot Gameday Takes, By Dan Shaughnessy

...and here we go!

I like the Patriots, 73-0 today against the mighty Jets.
J-e-t-s
s-u-c-k

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 25, 2018

Shank On High Scool Tryouts

Around this time of year, we get a couple of columns from Shank that are designed to make him look like less of an asshole. Here is one of those columns.

There was no 3-point arc stenciled on the gleaming wood court when we showed up for high school basketball tryouts in late November of 1968. Nor were there potential “ones,” “twos,” “threes,” “fours,” or “fives.” We had guards, forwards, and centers. Our 6-foot-4-inch freshman pivot candidate was not “long.’’ Phil was merely tall. And he didn’t operate “in the paint.” He maneuvered in the key — ever-trying to avoid getting called for three seconds.

Nobody played for an AAU team outside of high school. Our parents would have scoffed at the notion of paying good money to drive all over Massachusetts so we could play on teams with kids we didn’t know.

No. We just showed up for tryouts because we wanted to make the high school varsity basketball squad, which was the most important team in town (parents and townsfolk actually went to the games) and the toughest roster to crack.

Stupid Ideas

Shank latches onto one and gives it some rightful mockery:

$100 to hang around a Warriors game but not actually see it live? I’ll pass

Just when you think we have reached the height of absurdity regarding sports saturation and “event people” who will do absolutely anything to be part of a major sports experience, we learn of something that on the surface seems so mind-numbingly stupid, it defies all logic.

Say hello to the “In The Building Pass” currently being offered to fans of the Golden State Warriors.

For a mere $100 per month, Warriors fans who’ve been unable to score tickets can buy an “In The Building Pass,” which gives them access to all regular-season home games. For that $100, they gain entry to Oracle Arena and are invited to watch the game from Club 200 level TVs. They’re eligible for giveaways, like if it happens to be Draymond Green bobblehead night. They can use the concourse bathrooms, buy beers for $15-$17, and maybe score a bottle of water for $6.50. They can watch all the beautiful ticketed people file in and out of the arena.

But that’s it. There is no access to the actual arena. Not even standing room.

It goes on from there, but this sounds like something to be avoided. It's worth reading the whole column, just to catch riffs like this one:

This feels like paying $100 per month for the privilege of driving to Logan Airport, parking for $50, standing in line for a half-hour where you will be strip-searched and humiliated by TSA, then buying some bad food and gazing at the duty-free stuff that you can’t buy on the long walk to Gate E-10. Finally, you get to watch happy travelers board a plane bound for Madrid.

Well, that might be the best one, but you be the judge.

A Stunning Grasp Of The Obvious

That's our man Shank, feigning concern about this year's New England Patriots:

I’m beginning to worry that this might not be the Patriots’ year.

This is the bye weekend for New England. Ordinarily, that means everything that can possibly benefit the Patriots will happen. Even when they are not playing.

This would have meant Jacksonville beating the Steelers Sunday. This would have vaulted the 7-3 Patriots over the 6-2-1 Steelers in the AFC playoff seedings. It would have put the Pats on the only path they know: first-round bye, second-round home game, AFC Championship, Super Bowl.

And it looked like a certainty. The Steelers trailed the Jags, 16-0 with two minutes left in the third quarter . . . in Jacksonville. It was all set. The Pats were going to benefit while they were on their couches. Just like every other year.
...
Stand around and wait for competitors to fall down. It’s a time-tested formula that’s served the Patriots for 18 years.

The Patriots got their first break of the weekend when the Chiefs-Rams game was moved from Mexico City to Los Angeles because of field conditions at Azteca Stadium. The neutral site was good for the Chiefs. But now it’s a road game for Kansas City at Los Angeles Coliseum. Advantage: Pats.

Read the whole column if you'd like to catch up on old Shankisms and reused column bits.

This comment pretty much sums things up:

Yup, that's exactly how you win five Super Bowls and create a a magical dynasty the envy of all professional sports. It's all luck, luck, luck. The competitors always "fall down". All the other teams are "tomato cans". The Pats have never been that good. It's just that they get lucky all the time, and they always play inferior competition. It's so easy to develop franchise qb's, I just don't understand why so many teams have a problem doing so. And those coaches, why can't more teams get top notch HOF coaches. Yup, it seems like the Pats "luck" is finally, finally running out. I hope!

DHL Dan - LXXVII - The Game

Shank makes another trip to the post office to mail shit in:

At about 9:30 Saturday morning in front of Gate D on Jersey Street, I saw a man and a woman both dressed in full-length raccoon coats, wearing Harvard scarfs.

Boola Boola comes to Fenway.

There's that dumb catchphrase again - don't they teach you at journalism school not to be repetitive?

Three and a half weeks ago, we had Dodgers vs. Red Sox in Game 2 of the World Series at our ancient Back Bay cathedral. Saturday it was the 135th playing of the Harvard-Yale game with Harvard winning, 45-27, in front of 34,675, including Thurston Howell III and Lovey.

Talk about seriously dating yourself with the Gilligan's Island reference - that show ended when I was two and a half years old.

Read on if you want to read about other non-baseball events at Fenway Park and more Harvard / Yale Ivy League snob bullshit.

Interesting Word Choice

Whenever I hear the word “decorum” the first thing I think of is Donald Trump.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 16, 2018

An interesting comment, coming from a columnist who 'Once ripped on a mentally-disabled ballplayer (Jeff Stone) for his lack of intelligence', referred to Carl Everett as 'the Ebola virus of the Red Sox clubhouse', called Jose Offerman 'a piece of junk', and called David Ortiz 'a sad sack of you-know-what'. This is breathtaking hypocrisy on Shank's part.

A Time To Worry?

Shank's first column on the Boston Celtics this season comes after a brutal road trip:

The Celtics live a charmed life around here. Seldom is heard a discouraging word. It is as if the Auerbach-Russell-Havlicek-Bird decades pooled a reservoir of goodwill that quenches the thirst of fans and media tough guys deep into a new century.

The Celtics operate with relative immunity from the everyday noise and negativity that touches our other three successful franchises. Think about it: Nobody ever makes fun of the Celtics owners.

That's off limits to Shank, but Robert Kraft is fair game.

Nobody calls them cheap or complains about ticket prices. Basketball boss Danny Ainge is praised nonstop for his vision and brilliance, and coach Brad Stevens is universally hailed as a homespun Hoosier successor to John Wooden or even Red himself.

Meanwhile, the Patriots are held to an impossibly high standard,

Really hard to understand how that came to be the case, isn't it?

the Red Sox are questioned by a region of baseball know-it-alls, and proud hockey krishnas are ever-ready to carry pitchforks to Causeway Street if things are not swell with the Bruins.

But it’s always boola boola for the Green Team.

Which brings us to a surprisingly rough patch for the prematurely anointed 2019 NBA Eastern Conference champs.

I'm not sure too many people were saying that last month, but they're not saying it much right now, at a current record of 7 - 6. The rest of the column is readable, but just note the contrast of this column versus some of the Red Sox columns during their playoff run this year as well as every other column about the Patriots during the last fifteen years.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXIII

There's a few more empty desks at the Globe:

The @BostonGlobe lays off 15, including five in the newsroom. Among those cut: @GlobeHorowitz. @BosBizDon reports (paywall): https://t.co/WAPJAlRkOt

— Dan Kennedy (@dankennedy_nu) November 12, 2018

Great Gameday Calls, By Dan Shaughnessy

Presented without comment:

Mike Vrabel about to forget everything he knows about football for the next 3 1/2 hours

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 11, 2018

DHL Dan - LXXVI

Asking the oft-repeated questions:

Could the Patriots have done more with Aaron Hernandez, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while wondering why everyone who coaches against Bill Belichick loses his football mind (your turn, Mike Vrabel) . . .

How'd it work out the last time the Patriots played against one of their former coaches, Shank? Care to revise your statement?

■ For those of you who were caught up in the Red Sox ride, or perhaps too busy to read the Globe Spotlight’s team’s six-part series on Aaron Hernandez, here are some nuggets you might have missed: Remember the “safe house” in Franklin where Hernandez stored ammunition and drugs, a few miles from the North Attleborough home he shared with his fiancée and infant daughter? Based on Belichick’s own statements when he was interviewed by the State Police after Odin Lloyd’s murder, the Patriots helped Hernandez find the flop house.

Shank has a habit of bringing up Aaron Hernandez every now and then when the need arises.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXII

A day that will live in infamy...

Looks like they're taking down the letters of the old @BostonGlobe today. @universalhub pic.twitter.com/PFSIRR7jyL

— Uncle Joey (@skituate) November 8, 2018

'Objective' Bruce is probably refilling his meds as we speak!

The Greatest Red Sox Team Evah!

Since the New England Patriots won in pretty convincing fashion last night, Shank is contractually prohibited from writing a column about that subject. Instead, he'll tell us which team is the greatest in Red Sox history:

It’s been a less than a week since the Duck Boats carried our 2018 Red Sox down Boylston Street’s Canyon of Heroes. We’ve basked in after-parties and watched the CoraMen visit Puerto Rico and flash bling at Celtics and Patriots games. We’ve ordered 119-win swag from the Globe store and await a stash of commemorative Red Sox stuff at holiday time.

The 2018 Red Sox are beloved and bejeweled, a role model for Team Above Self. New England will forever remember them fondly.

But you know what they are not?

They are not the greatest Red Sox team of all-time.

They are not even the best Sox team of this century.

Pretty strong words! He does make some very good arguments, but I feel he's just trying to get people riled up again. That's what he does.

Dan Shaugnessy, Wrong Again

Shank's trying to set the table for the New England Patriots in the same manner he's been doing for at least six years now:

Roethlisberger down in Baltimore. Comes back. But it is a reminder that we are reaching pt in NFL season where best player on every team in Pats path will get hurt

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 4, 2018

Except for one small detail - he was back in the game two plays later:

He got the wind knocked out of him. He’s fine !

— Bill (@WilliamMStocco) November 4, 2018

Shank did note that Big Ben came back in the game, but you and I know that wasn't the point of the tweet. When the Patriots get to this point of the season and are one of the top teams in the AFC, he generally pushes that notion (every key player of our opponents and potential playoff rival will get injured) and / or this one:

Here it comes. Patriots not that good. They win anyway. Seen it one million times

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

I can hardly wait until the stupid 'coin flip' and 'double score' tweets in a few hours, but he did spare us the semi-predictable pregame 'Brady vs. Rodgers' column, for which we should all be grateful.

Rewriting History, Yet Again

Shank has another disingenuous post / column / podcast or whatever up today, where he continues to pretend he was in the 2018 Red Sox corner the entire time. Some credit may be given for his sheer brazenness, if it wasn't so completely counter to the majority of his columns about the team over the past nine months. Again - this guy is completely shameless.

Reverting To Form

You didn't think the recent run of semi-decent columns & tweets was going to last, did you?

Wow. I take it all back. The Bills are a Wagon. Look like they're be a threat in the mighty AFC East for years to come. Given this level of competition, it's actually amazing that the Pats can win this division every year.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 30, 2018

This, after the Patriots beat the Bills 25-6. Keep working on that sarcasm thing - you'll get it eventually.

The 2018 World Series Champs - II

This is simply stunning, and borderline outrageous. Shank has ragged on, belittled and discounted the 2018 Boston Red Sox on a consistent basis from the first spring training game to Game 2 of this year's World Series. Behold the world-class mental gymnastics involved at justifying eternal pessimism:

LOS ANGELES — My parents went through their high school and college years during America’s Great Depression. My mom had seven siblings, my dad four, and there was never extra money for anything. They never felt financially secure.

They had what we all came to know as the “Depression Mentality,’’ and passed it on to their children. The message was: Take no risks and always say yes to a steady job. You never know when it might all go away.

This is how I explain my year-long skepticism about the 2018 Red Sox — the greatest Boston baseball club in history and now in the discussion with the 1927 Yankees and a handful of others as among the best ever.

I have the Depression Mentality about this franchise, and I believe it’s because of the times I grew up in.

As long as I've been following this asshole over many, many years, it is difficult to come up with a more disingenuous column than this one. It conveniently ignores the positive aspects of the change in ownership with John Henry and company, who were clearly committed to a winning culture from the start and his heavily discounting of the three World Series since that time, to the point they may have well been dismissed outright.

The only question I'd have is his motivation for writing this column in the first place. He's done the occasional mea culpa type column in the past, but nothing on this scale. It's not obvious from reading the column and I'm sure as hell not going to waste any time thinking about it, knowing he's going to start shitting on them again as soon as the trucks are unloading the bats & gloves in Fort Myers in a few months.

The 2018 World Series Champs

Shank writes a decent column about the winners - the 2018 Boston Red Sox:

LOS ANGELES — You can go back to bed now, New England. There’ll be no more late October nights watching the Red Sox thrash assorted Yankees, Astros, and Dodgers.

The 2018 baseball season is over and the Boston Red Sox are World Series champions for the fourth time in 15 seasons. Led by David Price’s seven-plus stellar innings and home runs by Steve Pearce (two), Mookie Betts, and J.D. Martinez, the Sox defeated the Dodgers, 5-1, in Dodger Stadium (a.k.a. “Fenway West”) Sunday night, winning the 114th Fall Classic in dominant fashion.

So there. New England has another masterpiece for its professional sports High Renaissance.

Swing And A Miss

Seems that Shank did write a column after Game 4. Seems that Shank didn't mention his last two columns on Twitter, but there they are on the (ugh!) Globe's sports section.

Isn't It Funny

...how we don't get a column from Shank after a big win by the Red Sox? That's because he can't devote half of it to second-guessing the manager, Alex Cora.

Turn On A Dime Dan - VIII

Two days ago Shank grabbed the steering wheel and hijacked the bandwagon of Red Sox Nation. After Game 3, he's not so sure anymore:

What once seemed certain for the Red Sox is now in doubt

Need I remind you of one columnist who, a mere two days ago, was all but providing that certainty?

LOS ANGELES – It was the longest game in World Series history.

It lasted 18 innings, consuming seven hours and 20 minutes.

And it may have seriously pivoted things in this suddenly-fascinating 2018 World Series. The Dodgers rallied from almost certain October death in the bottom of the 13th Friday night/Saturday morning and went on to beat the Red Sox on Max Muncy’s leadoff homer in the bottom of the 18th.

Los Angeles’s 3-2 victory ended at 3:30 Eastern Daylight Time.

“We could have put them away and we didn’t,’’ admitted Red Sox manager Alex Cora.

And all we can ask is . . . why?

From there, Shank engages in the usual second guessing of a manager whose balls he was licking in the previous weeks and conveniently reminds you multiple times of this being the anniversary of the Bill Buckner game. This guy did a complete 180 degree turn in one game / two days - he's completely shameless.

He Loves LA

A comment from a few days ago:

Wait, what? No Boston has/LA has column?

That's not far off the mark, as Shank hijacks the bandwagon yet again!

A great place for the Red Sox to beat LA is in LA

I have framed copies of all Globe front pages from Boston sports championships won in this century. The datelines under those happy headlines are NEW ORLEANS, HOUSTON, ST. LOUIS, JACKSONVILLE, DENVER, VANCOUVER, GLENDALE, and HOUSTON (again). Two of the 10 titles were won in Boston and required no dateline.

Now, with plenty of wall space available, I am ready to add: LOS ANGELES.

The Red Sox play Games 3 and 4 of the 2018 World Series at Dodger Stadium Friday and Saturday. Game 5, if necessary, would be played Sunday night at Chavez Ravine. This means the historic, 117-win Red Sox have a chance to win Boston’s first championship in Los Angeles since Bill Russell and Sam Jones beat the Wilt Chamberlain/Elgin Baylor/Jerry West Lakers at the Los Angeles Forum 49 years ago.

You can see where it's going from there, as Shank regales us with the Boston / L.A. matchups across all sports from the past six decades, which of course features a few Larry Bird sightings.

Best comment from that column:

How big is the wall for Boston athletes who won't talk to you ?

I'm pretty sure that would require an entire room...

Not Out Of Spite

And if you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

Ceremonial first pitch tonight: 2004 team members David Ortiz, Pedro Martinez, Kevin Millar, Tim Wakefield, Jason Varitek, Keith Foulke, Alan Embree.
No Curt Schilling, who lives locally?
Red Sox exec: "We did not reach out to him, but it is not out of spite.''

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 24, 2018

The New Mr. October

After a regular season in which he wrote a few columns containing many subtle and not so subtle digs & criticisms about the subject, Shank is now singing his praises.

David Price has morphed into Jim Lonborg/Luis Tiant/Josh Beckett/Jon Lester. Dare we say Curt Schilling? Boston’s much-maligned $217 million southpaw — a dartboard ornament for most of his three seasons at Fenway — is suddenly the Mr. October of the Red Sox pitching staff.

After a lifetime of historic postseason failure (zero wins in 11 postseason starts), Price has found his playoff mojo at the precise moment it matters most. On the heels of his series-clinching Game 5 masterpiece in Houston last week, Price on Wednesday dazzled the Dodgers, allowing only three hits in six innings of a 4-2 Red Sox victory in Game 2 of the World Series. J.D. Martinez delivered the winning runs with a two-run, two-out single to right in the fifth. Sox pitchers retired the final 16 Dodger batters.

Fortunately, that's it for the 'column', which doesn't bore you with any of that silly game recap stuff.

World Series - Game 1 Recap

That, and a paragraph or two written before the game even started, is all you should expect from Shank this morning:

“Beat LA! Beat LA!’’

Born during a Celtic playoff loss to the 76ers at the Old Garden in 1982, the chant was revived at Fenway on Tuesday night, and the redoubtable Red Sox fulfilled the fans’ command with an 8-4 victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers in the first game of the 2018 World Series.

Eduardo Nunez’s seventh-inning pinch-hit three-run homer (another nice call by Midas manager Alex Cora) closed the deal for Boston, and Andrew Benintendi had four hits in his first World Series game.

Red Sox / Dodgers World Series Preview

Well, it's not much of a preview - Chris Sale goes against ace Dodgers pitcher Clayton Kershaw tonight and tomorrow's matchup is David Price against Hyun-Jin Ryu, who's a hard-throwing lefty. I saw him on one of the NLDS games last week and he looks really good.

I'm really waiting on Shank to post some stupid tweets, but there's nothing up right now. That tells me he's writing half of his game column right now.

Obsessed Much? - III

Former Boston Red Sox 1st baseman Adrian Gonzalez left the team on August 25, 2012. More than six years later, Shank's still lobbing shit in his general direction:

No “Cooler” (Adrian Gonzalez) in play. So Dodgers and Red Sox both have a chance.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 22, 2018

Remember when Shank mentioned Adrian Gonzalez in the same sentence as Ted Williams? Good times!

And since when do both teams in a World Series 'both have a chance', as though a third team's going to come in and run roughshod over both of them like Godzilla? Is that just an incredibly stupid thing to say, or what?

Dumb Patriots Gameday Tweets

Good one, Shank - we've never heard you talk about a coin flip before!

Bears win toss.
Defer.
Clearly paying attention.
Maybe Bears have a chance.
Let's see if they know how to stop Pats from scoring in final 2 min of first half.
Doubt it

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 21, 2018

The Internet - How Does It Work?

Dave Roberts. Alex Cora.
Ever been a World Series where both managers played for both teams?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 21, 2018

Learn how to do your job and research it instead of asking everyone else to do it for you.

— Scott Kaplan (@WxManScott) October 21, 2018

I don't know Dan. Isn't it your job to answer that?

— Mike Anderson (@m_anderson2015) October 21, 2018

Whitewash / Rewriting History

Behold, as Shank regales us with tales of yonder and explains the 2018 Red Sox playoff resurgence (emphasis added):

HOUSTON — The turning point might have been Oct. 6 when Yankees slugger Aaron Judge strolled and trolled past the Red Sox clubhouse after New York’s “big” playoff win at Fenway Park.

Judge and the mighty Bronx Bombers had just hit three monstrous homers in a 6-2 win, and the 6-foot-7-inch slugger felt comfortable playing Sinatra’s “New York, New York’’ on his Bluetooth speaker as he passed the Sox locker room in the underbelly of ancient Fenway.

The image went viral, and so did all the fears of doom about the 2018 Red Sox. Despite their record-breaking regular-season success, there were still regional concerns that these Sox were 108-win show ponies who were going to fold again in October. David Price (pulled in the second inning of Game 2) was once again a playoff bust and these front-running Sox were going to cave — just as they had in 2016 and 2017.

As noted in the prior post, Shank writes in the passive voice as though he didn't have a god damn thing to do with these notions of 'regional concerns' and 'front runners' who were going to 'cave' in the playoffs. Shank has been pushing this notion for months now and decides to write this column in a weak effort to sidestep and paper over all of his columns this year that more or less said the exact opposite. Don't buy this disingenuous spin for a second.

Redemption

That's Shank's angle concerning David Price's excellent pitching last night:

Here are the words about David Price you thought you’d never read

As always, note the use of the passive voice here and in other parts of the column.

HOUSTON — The relentless Red Sox won the pennant on Thursday night, beating the defending world champion Houston Astros, 4-1, in Game 5 of the American League Championship Series. The Sox open the 114th World Series Tuesday at Fenway Park vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers or Milwaukee Brewers.

Winners of 115 games, the Sox are trying to become the first team of the 21st century to win four World Series. In October of 2018, they’ve erased the 100-win Yankees and the 103-win Astros, winning seven of nine playoff games, including five straight on the road.

And here are the words you thought you’d never read . . .

The Sox clinched the pennant on the strength of six innings of stellar, pressure-packed pitching from the much-maligned David Price.

To be fair, Shank does goes on to drop the barest of hints about his own hand in the 'much-maligning' of David Price, but it never approaches a full mea culpa. If Price somehow falters during the World Series, expect Shank to switch back to 'much maligning'.

Cheatin' In Baseball

If you're Shank and it's a story about alleged cheating in baseball, you just have to mention the New England Patriots a bunch of times, don't you?

HOUSTON — The Houston Astros are the New England Patriots. They win a championship, and everyone thinks they are cheating.

The 2018 American League Championship Series took on a new dimension at Minute Maid Park this week when the Boston Metro first reported that a guy with a camera working for the Astros was kicked out of the photographer’s well by the first base dugout at Fenway Park during Game 1. Turns out the same guy got the heave-ho in Cleveland when the ’Stros were beating up on the Tribe in the Division Series.

Perfect. Spygate comes to baseball. Next thing you know the Astros will be accused of deflating baseballs.

Lame humor aside, the story short - MLB told the Astros - 'knock it off' and that was it.

But wait - there's more!

I am not the first to conclude that this makes Cora the new Eric Mangini.

You remember Mangini, right? Won a ring with the Patriots, was hired away by the New York Jets, then told NFL security about Bill Belichick’s camera tricks. The Jets caught the Patriots videotaping coaches’ signals at the Meadowlands and a price was paid. Mangini became dead to Bill, as in I knew it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart.

For those of you keeping track of ancient pop culture references, Godfather II came out forty-four years ago.

Grand Slam

Dear Jackie Bradley Jr.:

Remember when I was ragging on you earlier this year? We're good now, right?

Your pal,

Shank

HOUSTON — This was a statement game and Jackie Bradley Jr. made the loudest noise.

On a day of a Spygate accusation hurled at the world champion Astros, scintillating plays (hello, Alex Bregman), questionable calls (did that Steve Pearce fly ball clang off the wall before it was caught?) and high-wire drama, JBJ put a stop to the suspense with a no-doubt grand slam off Roberto Osuna in the top of the eighth inning Tuesday. Bradley’s mighty clout blew open a tight contest and propelled the surging Red Sox to an 8-2, Game 3 victory over the ’Stros.

That’s 113 wins and counting for your Olde Towne Team. If the Sox can beat the Astros two more times in this ALCS, they’ll open the 114th World Series next Tuesday night at Fenway.

From there, a note of caution about the Astros (it will 'not be easy' to beat them two more times, etc.) and this little gem:

“We saw that coming in the middle of the season,’’ Cora said when asked about Bradley. “Now he’s more comfortable. Credit to him.’’

They saw it, and Shank didn't.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXI

Numbers - how do they work?

Boston Globe issues another correction on the Warren story: She is "between 1/64th and 1/1,024th Native American.” https://t.co/km3p4z5ycO

— Jake Sherman (@JakeSherman) October 15, 2018

It's funny how, when the media make a mistake involving a Democrat it make them look good and when it involves a Republican, the mistake makes them look bad. Curious, isn't it?

Missed Opportunity

If I didn't know any better, Shank seems just a tad disappointed that the Red Sox won last night and didn't give him an excuse to light up David Price:

They got 14 outs from a former Cy Young winner. They got three big outs in the eighth inning from another former Cy Young winner. Meanwhile, the best pitcher on the staff was at Massachusetts General Hospital being treated for a stomach illness.

They got flawless work from the bridge bullpen guys. They got a bases-clearing double from their offensively challenged center fielder. They got a couple of doubles and an RBI from their MVP right fielder. They got another high-wire save from their suddenly skittish closer. And they got a full nine innings from their manager, who’d been ejected in the middle of Game 1.

It all added up to a 7-5, series-tying victory for the Red Sox in their ALCS with the world champion Houston Astros on Sunday night.

This is the part about Price's selection for Game 2 (which he was second guessing hours before the first pitch) and his subsequent performance:

Compounding all this, the Sox skipper elected to go with David Price in Game 2.

Yikes. In its moment of high anxiety, Red Sox Nation was forced to turn to one of the most buffeted hurlers in the history of postseason baseball. Price was 0-9 with an ERA of 6.03 in 10 postseason starts. His teams were 0-10 in his starts.

Given all of the above, there was serious concern that we might be heading to Fenway for the final time in 2018. Leaving Boston down, 0-2, to the dominant Astros was a tall order for any team, even for a team that won 108 regular-season games. It didn’t help when we learned that Sale was at Mass. General due to a stomach condition and would not be flying to Houston with the team after the game.

If the Red Sox lost last night, there's no doubt this column would have been harsher in tone.

Enjoying The Ride?

There seems to be a slight change in Shank's attitude after last night's loss by the Red Sox to the Houston Astros:

Joe McCarthy had Denny Galehouse. Don Zimmer had Bobby Sprowl. Grady Little went too long with Pedro Martinez. And now Alex Cora — with Nathan Eovaldi and Rick Porcello fully rested — is giving David Price the ball in the biggest game of the Red Sox 111-win season.

Just a little preemptive second guessing here!

The world champion Astros thrashed the sloppy Red Sox (Boston pitchers walked 10 Astros and hit three more), 7-2, in Game 1 of the ALCS Saturday night at Fenway Park. Since Major League Baseball went to seven games for League Championship Series, no team has lost the first two at home and gone on to win the series. It’s do-or-die for Boston in Game 2. And the Sox will have David Price on the mound.

Yikes.

Or should I say, “Yuk”?

This is a pretty good column; he doesn't snark his way through this one so you don't mind reading it. Well, some of you anyway...

The end of the column - it's classic Shank:

I say this is the night Price finally delivers. And Cora will look like a genius again.

But if Price flops again and the Sox lose, it could be the last Fenway game of 2018. And fans forever will wonder why Price got the ball in the most important game of the season.

Let the second guessing begin!

Shanks Hot Take Of The Week

Every Friday, Awful Announcing gives out its awards for the five hottest takes of the week. Although we've covered it already, it's worth noting Shank's fifth-place entry one more time:

5. Dan Shaughnessy says the Red Sox need to…play like a good team: The Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Obviousness In The Field Of Obviousness goes to Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe, who, after the Red Sox’ Game 2 loss to the Yankees Saturday evened the ALCS, wrote a column that produced an amazing tweet from the Globe account:

The #RedSox need to play like the team that won 108 games this season when they take on the Yankees tonight, says @Dan_Shaughnessy. https://t.co/Xm1lfEWdqU pic.twitter.com/H1lh9SbRSF

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) October 8, 2018

“Good team should play like good team.” That’s some #analysis for you there, and it explains why Shaughnessy gets paid so much. Oh, and that wasn’t just an unrepresentative tweet. The whole “Red Sox need to be tougher to beat the Yankees” column is exactly what you’d expect:

NEW YORK — The Red Sox are playing scared.

They need to put on their big boy pants and start playing like the team that won 108 games this season.

They need to start playing like the team that effectively ended the American League East race in early August by sweeping the Yankees four straight at Fenway Park.

They need to start playing with the swagger and idiocy of the 2004 Red Sox, who beat the Bronx Bombers four straight times after falling behind, 3-0, in the ALCS.

“Big boy pants,” even. (Should “big boy pants” be hyphenated? I feel like it should; it’s a compound adjective describing the pants. But I’ve also put more thought into that than Shaughnessy put into this whole column, so.) And you just know that Shaughnessy was pulling a different kind of Monty Burns move after the Red Sox did, in fact, play like a good team in the next two games.

Also worth noting - Shank's now in ninth place for the year in AA's Hot Take rankings:

Jason Whitlock – Hall of Fame
Stephen A. Smith – 211
Skip Bayless – 191
Phil Mushnick – 157
Colin Cowherd – 74
Rob Parker – 44
Doug Gottlieb – 41
Shannon Sharpe – 35
Dan Shaughnessy – 26
Ray Lewis – 25

Keep up the 'good work'!

Shank On Jim Brown

Jim Brown in 1967 was on the right side of history at The Cleveland Summit w Russell, Ali and Alcindor (Abdul-Jabbar). Pathetically, now he allows himself to be used. Sad! pic.twitter.com/BiTZzSX4dq

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 13, 2018

Reader reaction is mostly like this:

According to tomato can... being used = having different opinion. Liberals 2018

— AngryLouMerloni(@lou_merloni) October 13, 2018

Just a reminder #shank here works at a place where workplace sexual harassment is acceptable

— Gresh's Bad Cliches(@GreshsBadCliche) October 13, 2018

Who are you to decide what is the right side of history?

— Hal Gibson (@hankgibson02865) October 13, 2018

He's a sports columnist who's used to being able to say things and not be challenged on any of it, that's who.

And the winner:

pic.twitter.com/0DEgIijDH7

— Lappa(@lappado) October 13, 2018

Back On The Bandwagon - XXV (At Least)

If they win tonight this fraud will hijack the bandwagon.

An evergreen topic with Our Man Shank:

How the Red Sox won us over, even (ahem) the skeptics

A little mea culpa there?

Our sports High Renaissance continues. We are the center of the pro sports universe.

This weekend, the ever-Super Bowl-bound Patriots play the undefeated Chiefs on “Sunday Night Football” in the most anticipated NFL regular-season game of recent memory. On Tuesday, the Celtics kick off a season that is expected to find them in the NBA Finals against the world champion Warriors. Off to a 3-1 start, the Bruins switched their Saturday night game to a matinee so Hub fans can watch the Red Sox against the world champion Astros at night.

Ah yes, the Red Sox — once again the hottest team in town.

The same team he's been shitting on for months now.

It seems that everyone is buying in on the Red Sox at this hour. I say that with some certainty because I was one of the last holdouts. I thought the Yankees would beat Boston in the American League Division Series. I worried the Sox would fade quickly after their 108 regular-season wins. After watching them fail in the first round of the playoffs two years in a row, I feared they might not survive the two nights at Yankee Stadium early last week.

I was wrong. After splitting two at Fenway against the Yankees — a result that felt more like an 0-2 deficit to local cynics — the Sox went to New York and made a statement, winning Game 3, 16-1, then erasing the Pinstripes entirely one night later. Boston never trailed in those last two games.

So there. Book me a seat on the SS Alex Cora.

More of the same at the link.

Asking The Important Questions

Has any baseball team ever beaten two 100-win teams in same postseason? Sox will have to do this just to get to World Series.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 10, 2018

There's really no way to look that sort of thing up...

Shank On The Red Sox' ALDS Win

If they win tonight this fraud will hijack the bandwagon.

Sure looks that way, Jason!

NEW YORK — One week ago, Yankee Stadium fans were chanting, “We Want Boston!’’ while the Yanks were beating the Oakland A’s in the one-game wild-card playoff.

They got Boston.

With both barrels.

And full fury.
The relentless Sox beat the Yankees, 4-3, on Tuesday, winning their American League Division Series, 3-1. The Sox advance to the ALCS. They’ll have ace Chris Sale on the mound Saturday at Fenway for Game 1 against the world champion Houston Astros.

After finishing first in three straight seasons, the 108-win Red Sox won the franchise’s first playoff series since that championship season of 2013.

You know, the one Shank called a 'fluke'.

Let's skip to the fun part:

“A lot of people gave up on us after losing Game 2,’’ said Cora. “We showed up last night and tonight had our plan mapped out. At the end, he wasn’t the usual Craig Kimbrel, but he got three outs.’’

Just a guess - think he had at least one Globe sports columnist in mind with that remark?

Another Shank Pirouette

The Red Sox crushed the Yankees last night, 16 - 1. Naturally, Shank's singing a whole different tune than he was yesterday:

NEW YORK — Take that, Aaron Judge!

The star Yankee outfielder had a little fun at the expense of the Red Sox after New York’s 6-2 win at Fenway Saturday night. On his way to the team bus in the underbelly of the ancient yard, Judge strolled past the Sox clubhouse with his boom box blaring Sinatra’s Yankee victory song, “New York, New York.’’

It was supposed to feed into New England’s worst fears. The 108-win Red Sox were going to roll over for the big, bad Bronx Bombers. Just like in the bad old days.

That's what Shank has been rooting for a couple of months, wasn't it?

Naturally, the column isn't without its' negativity and assholery:

Sweet. I haven’t felt this good about the Red Sox’ chances in a playoff series against the Yankees since Pedro Martinez took a 5-2 lead into the eighth inning of Game 7 at the Stadium in 2003.

Legendary?

You use that word - I do not think it means what you think it means:

We’ve got equal time tonight on @SportsFinal4NY talking #Yankees & #RedSox ! @DPLennon of @NewsdaySports gives us the local angle & the legendary @Dan_Shaughnessy of the @BostonGlobe weighs in on the view from Beantown! See you @NBCNewYork later tonight! pic.twitter.com/ZIYaz0lkRv

— Bruce Beck (@BruceBeck4NY) October 8, 2018

Tough Enough?

Shank implores the Red Sox to toughen up if they're going to beat the Yankees.

Red Sox need to be tougher to beat the Yankees

NEW YORK — The Red Sox are playing scared.

They need to put on their big boy pants and start playing like the team that won 108 games this season.

They need to start playing like the team that effectively ended the American League East race in early August by sweeping the Yankees four straight at Fenway Park.

They need to start playing with the swagger and idiocy of the 2004 Red Sox, who beat the Bronx Bombers four straight times after falling behind, 3-0, in the ALCS.

This is actually a pretty good column by Shank. There's a reason for that - Shank manages to criticize nearly aspect of the Red Sox. When he vents his spleen he puts forth a better column than most of his USPS mail-in jobs.

He Came To Bury Him

Shank, continuing his long running pretend liking of the man, now asks (in the middle of the game) - what is to become of David Price?

LeBron James will cry to the officials. The first penalty in any hockey game in Montreal will be called against the visitors. And David Price will spit the bit in the playoffs.

Of this, you can be sure.

Price was hoping to get back in your good graces against the Yankees in Game 2 of the AL Division Series Saturday night. He was going to make you forget all about his $217 million contract and the ambush of Dennis Eckersley and Fortnite and the rest of the nonsense. He was going to win a playoff game. Against the Yankees.

A reason is offered for Shank's lack of venom:

There’s no need to pile on Price anymore. It simply is sad. Price is one of the best pitchers of his generation. He is wildly rich and liked by his teammates. But his performance anxiety renders him hopeless in the big moments. If you want to be loved by Boston baseball fans you have to pitch well in the playoffs and you have to beat the Yankees. Price has done neither.

Wait until Price is off the team - then you'll see the real vicious criticisms from Shank.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat - IV

This is the fifth time since September 1st that Shank has either devoted a column to or tweeted about the state of the Red Sox bullpen:

Outlined against the late Fenway sky, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse rode again Friday night. In dramatic lore they are known as Death, Destruction, Pestilence, and Famine, but those are only aliases. Their real names are Ryan Brasier, Brandon Workman, Matt Barnes, and Joe Kelly.

And the Red Sox are going to try to win 10 more playoff games with this motley crew hired by Dave Dombrowski?

Apologies to Grantland Rice for stealing his great lead, but desperate times call for big-time hyperbole.

And Shank's just the guy to give it to us!

The Red Sox hung on to beat the Yankees, 5-4, in Game 1 of the AL Division Series, but the overall takeaway was not good. It’s hard to fathom the 108-win Sox getting this done 10 more times in October. The Yankees left 10 runners on base and went 1 for 7 with runners in scoring position.

Dombrowski is a renowned architect of baseball teams, but his fatal flaw always has been bullpen assembly. Dombro’s poor relief corps cost him the 2013 AL Championship Series when his superior Detroit Tigers succumbed to a Boston team because Joaquin Benoit surrendered a grand slam to David Ortiz in the eighth inning of pivotal Game 2. It turned the whole series around.

Guess we're fucked now, right?

Hot To Trot

Chalk up another former Red Sox player who's not exactly on the Shaughnessy bandwagon:

The @RedSox Trot Nixon said instead of throwing out the 1st pitch tonight he rather throw out @Dan_Shaughnessy

— John Gagan (@soxpatsforever) October 5, 2018

Creating A Story

This is how it's done, folks.

In long-awaited rematch, pressure is on the Red Sox

It’s been a while. When the Red Sox last met the Yankees in a playoff series, I was still resisting using one of those newfangled devices known as a cellphone.

A lot has happened since that biblical sports event of 2004 when the Red Sox came back from a 3-0 series deficit, rolled the Pinstripers four straight times, then broke the franchise’s 86-year championship drought.

And ruined Shank's book sales.

Too bad. And some of the history leading into this series does not bode well for the Olde Towne Team.

The Red Sox are wearing the heavier uniforms. It’s extra weight from their 108-win feel-good season and their early exit from the playoffs the last two autumns.

“All the pressure’s on Boston, no doubt about it,’’ Hall of Famer Dennis Eckersley said from the TBS booth while watching the Yankees win their wild-card game Wednesday night.

At least Shank has some support for this column.

Swing And A Miss

Not sure how this one got past me; it's four days old, but it's classic Shank!

Alex Cora gets our unofficial vote for rookie of the year

Alex Cora might be Boston’s best “rookie” since Fred Lynn in 1975 or Larry Bird in ’79.

It wasn’t like this for Bill Belichick in Year 1. The Hoodie went 5-11 in his first year as head coach of the Patriots. Red Auerbach? In 1950-51, Auerbach got the Celtics over .500, but they were swept in the first round of the playoffs. Brad Stevens? He didn’t make the playoffs in his first season on the bench.

No Shank column is complete without a Fred Lynn or Larry Bird reference, right?

We don’t know what’s going to happen to Cora’s American League East champs in the playoffs,

This is the same guy who's all but openly rooting for a Red Sox loss in the playoffs all freaking year.

...but he just completed the second-most successful rookie year of managing in the history of major league baseball, winning a whopping 108 games. Only Ralph Houk (109-53 with the 1961 Yankees) won more games than Cora in his first season and Houk had Roger Maris, Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, and Whitey Ford.

Cora has a pretty good roster, too, but nothing like the ’61 Yanks.

The 42-year-old field boss of the Local Nine has been everybody’s favorite since Day 1 in spring training. Players, owners, team staffers, and media members all love him. And fans have spared him the slings and arrows traditionally aimed at any man who sits on the hot seat on the street formerly known as Yawkey Way.

You and I both know what's going to happen should the Red Sox bow out in the first round, don't we?

Didn't See This One Coming! - III

After the New England Patriots get back on track with a 38-7 win over the Miami Dolphins, Shank once again feigns support for them:

Forever the same pic.twitter.com/hybefN3exs

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 30, 2018

Since this was just posted by Shank, no one's cutting loose on him yet, so click on the tweet for the inevitable 'feedback'.

Get Me Rewrite! - V

The words may be different but the column's the same:

I need an intervention.

The Red Sox have the best record in the majors. They have won more games (107) than any team in the 118-year history of Boston’s American League franchise. Mookie Betts is going to be the MVP. The Sox have two Cy Young starters and another guy who was the best starter in baseball for most of this season and last. They have a closer who is probably bound for the Hall of Fame. They have a guy who almost won the Triple Crown. They have scored more runs than any team in baseball. They have a great rookie manager — winning more games than any first-year manager other than Ralph Houk. They are humble and noble. They are very good dancers. If they were nominated for the Supreme Court, they would be confirmed by the Senate, 100-0.

So why do I worry that they are going down in the first round of the playoffs? Why do I think they have us teed up for a cataclysmic, apocalyptic fold of the highest magnitude? Why do I sometimes wonder if perhaps they are the most-flawed 107-win team in the history of baseball (think about the absurdity of that statement)?

If you get the feeling that you've read this column before, it's because you have, in one form or another.

Rooting For... The Yankees?

A few times a year, Shank writes a column where he feigns interest in a non-Boston team. This time around, it's the Yankees:

Next Wednesday — on the night of the one-game, wild-card playoff between the New York Yankees and Oakland A’s — I will be a Yankee fanboy. I will watch “The Pride of the Yankees” early in the afternoon. I will scatter biographies of Billy Martin and Thurman Munson around the house and place my autographed photo of Mickey Mantle on top of the TV. I will raise a cup of java to Mr. Coffee and read Joe DiMaggio references in “The Old Man and the Sea.’’ At gametime, I will don Yankee footie pajamas. I will order pizza and when the person on the phone asks me if I want it cut into six or eight pieces, I will quote Yogi and say, “Make it six. I could never eat eight pieces.’’

Throw in a 20th century pop culture reference:

Sorry. I know that stings a little. But admit it, Sox fans. Deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want the Yankees on that Left Field Wall next weekend. Simply stated, the New England sports world is a better place if the Red Sox are playing the vaunted Bronx Bombers in the American League Division one week from today.

The Yankees this weekend are in town for a regular-season-ending three-game series, winning the opener, 11-6, and we can only hope this is a preview of the first round of the playoffs. In order for that to happen, the Yankees will have to beat the no-payroll Oakland A’s next Wednesday.

I want this. Desperately. It’s a much better story. Red Sox-Yankees in October is the ultimate baseball theater.

Tough to improve on these comments (slightly edited):

"Nah, the Shank just is hoping the yanks will beat the sox so he can rag on them. it won't be quite as good, shank thinks, if Oakland beats the sox."

"You already root for the Yankees. In 2004 the Red Sox ended forever your ability to profit, both financially and journalistically from the non-existent curse of the Bambino and so you’ve hated and rooted against the Sox ever since. You can no longer go the well of self doubt and self loathing that you possess and assume all new Englanders possess. But we don’t."

"Long time readers of our "cynical scribe" understand exactly what's going on with this column. Our ole scrivener's background is filled with covering losses after heartbreaking losses. The Ole Towne Team and the Patsies for years gave our scribe years of easy columns ridiculing both teams' bad play year after year. Then suddenly things turned around. Our scribe was shell-shocked and cannot comprehend the reality of constant winning and duck boat parades. What to do? Turn cynic. Report that every Super Bowl was lost by the other team. The Patriots were always "lucky". Very rarely mention 2004, 2007, and 2013 to Red Sox Nation. Now hope for the Yankees to win and then play the Sox and beat them. Oh, just imagine those miserable columns dripping with memories of those good ole days when the Yankees dominated the Sox. Stay strong Red Sox Nation do not be fooled by his obvious "shell" game."

'Bostoned Out', Revisited

One of Shank's favorite pastimes - second guessing the Red Sox:

Letting go of Jon lester remains one of Sox dumbest moves They have still not recovered

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 28, 2018

...which included a World Series championship in 2013, but never mind that.

Here's what we wrote about this five and a half years ago:

Without a hint of irony, Shank then drops this one on Lester:

Is he Bostoned out?

“Yeah, sometimes,’’ he said. “Sometimes I want to strangle myself. It can be intimidating, especially when you have seasons like last year. It’s tough. You know [you’re bad] and your teammates are trying to pick you up and everybody else knows [you’re bad] and you’re trying to break even on the whole deal. You try to live with it and move on.

“If you can play in Boston and survive and do good, I think you can play anywhere.’’

So, the columnist arguably the most responsible for contributing to an athlete's feeling of being 'Bostoned out', asks that question of Jon Lester with a straight face? Who said irony is dead?

DHL Dan - LXXV

Just another bag of Red Sox criticism, dripping with sarcasm, take a small dump on Bob Kraft, etc.:

Picked-up pieces while lending some perspective to this “greatest ever” Red Sox season . . .

■ Anybody else worried about Chris Sale? While the Sox were reaching all of their offensive milestones in Wednesday’s 19-3 rout of the putrid Orioles (Mookie stole his 30th! Xander knocked in his 100th! Whee!), the true takeaway from the day-night doubleheader was the state of Sale and the Sox bullpen.

Sale had a great two-thirds of a season, but the Sox go into the playoffs banking on a guy who pitched only 17 innings after July 27. His velocity is way down. Sale was in the low 90s in his final start Wednesday, and the Orioles cuffed him around for three runs on four hits, a walk, and two hit batsmen in 4⅔ uneven innings in which he threw 92 pitches.

Sale will be working on eight days’ rest when he gets the ball at Fenway for Game 1 of the ALDS Oct. 5. He said he’ll try to figure some things out in the bullpen between now and then. Sale has thrown 158 innings this season and has a history of fizzling in September.

So Now He Likes Numbers?

Shank's legendary hatred of statistics is legendary (edit - that was redundant!), unless they can be used to disparage a local professional sports team:

WAR says the Red Sox have the best bullpen in baseball.
I rest my case

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 25, 2018

Let's get this one out of the way first, shall we?

WAR what is it good for. absolutely nothing. say it again

— Paul Abramowitz (@Magicrat57) September 25, 2018

The @BostonGlobe says you are a good writer.. I rest my case.

— Mike Johnson (@Draftman516) September 25, 2018

It shows you WAR means NOTHING. Betts shouldawon MVP over Trout 2 years ago. Betts had a higher batting average, more homers, more RBI, more stolen bases & a better defensive runs saved BUT TROUT HAD A HIGHER WAR

— Jack Lamar (@JackLamar619) September 25, 2018

And just in case you're wondering if this is an original thing from Shank:

@Jared_Carrabis tweeted about this 3 hours ago...

— Ryan Cote (@Rdot33) September 25, 2018

The Asshole Shaughnessy - XXI (?)

Here it comes. Patriots not that good. They win anyway. Seen it one million times

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

Reaction was swift:

Here it comes tomorrow, the same column over and over by Dan, I’ve seen it many times over the years and it’s not that good

— Angry Kirk (@angry_kirk) September 24, 2018

It’s all relative. If they are better than all the other teams at end of 60 minutes they are good. Or no good teams exist.

— Stephen 🇺🇸 (@fanofall64) September 24, 2018

It’s come to the point where Dan knows the only way to stay relevant is to say stupid shit to get people to respond. I’m guilty of responding. Just wannamake sure everyone notices it too.

— Timothy Tim (@timbosox) September 24, 2018

Noted, Tim.