You First

Isn't this an interesting take from a guy who's run enough Red Sox players out of town over his career to field an entire team:

Five years after the Astros’ trash-can transgressions, maybe it’s time to let our grudges go

PHILADELPHIA — The Phillies thrashed the Astros, 7-0, in Game 3 of the World Series Tuesday. The Phils hit five homers in the first five innings. It’s almost like their hitters knew what was coming.

And America no doubt loved it. Everybody still hates the Astros.

They trail the 118th World Series, two games to one, but still have a chance to win their second World Series in franchise history.

It would be their first legit title.

I'd say their first unquestioned title, but go on...

We all remember 2017 when Alex Cora’s trash-can dream came true. The Cheatin’ Stros beat the Red Sox, Yankees, and Dodgers in succession, only to live forever in disgrace when it was learned they enjoyed the benefit of an illegal sign-stealing system designed in part by the man who would become manager of your Red Sox. The Astros instantly became America’s most hated team since the Spygate/Deflategate, Belichick/Brady Patriots pantsed the NFL for the better part of two decades.

Houston’s transgressions were worse than anything the Patriots ever did, but New England fans haven’t had much high ground in this area, given the hiring of Cora, two celebrated football scandals, and the 2017 Red Sox Apple Watch malfeasance.

Not to go all “Trash Can Report In Context” on you, but the ‘22 Astros might be good without cheating. They won 106 regular-season games, and eight of their first nine postseason games. They swept the 99-win Yankees in the ALCS and went into Tuesday’s Game 3 with a combined record of 114-58, including playoff games.

They hope this Fall Classic will be their redemption tour.

Gotta love the warped mind that can take a World Series baseball game and make it about the Boston Red Sox and the New England Patriots, like that grudge will ever be let go.

They Ran Out Of Karma Too

Shank delivers the eulogy for the 2021 Boston Red Sox:

Red Sox ran out of karma, and it all started after the wristwatch taunt

HOUSTON — The Red Sox season ended Friday night with a 5-0 loss to the Houston Astros in Game 6 of the American League Championship Series.

The Sox went down passively, losing three straight games after dominating the ‘Stros and even mocking them in a Game 3, 12-3 rout at Fenway.

The record will show that the Sox flatlined after Eduardo Rodriguez ridiculed Houston shortstop Carlos Correa (pointing at an imaginary watch — a patented Correa move that means “it’s our time”) while coming off the mound with a 9-3 lead in the sixth inning of Game 3. Alex Cora yelled at his young pitcher for poking the bear. But it was too late. Karma shifted. And so did the series.

Felger & Mazz talked about the wristwatch taunt extensively on Thursday's show; little surprise we see it repeated here.

And The Mojo Is Gone

Back to back losses by the Red Sox in the baseball playoffs? You bet there's a Shank column to go with it:

Mojo, once in deep supply, is suddenly gone as Red Sox head to Houston in a 3-2 hole in the ALCS

Where did all the good mojo go?

What happened?

Was it Eduardo Rodriguez taunting Carlos Correa after retiring Houston’s leader with the Sox romping, 9-3, in Game 3? Was it one too many showoff laundry cart rides when the living was easy with three grand slams and back-to-back, 9-0 leads in Games 2 and 3? Was it when we were all debating “Braves or Dodgers?’’ as the potential next tomato can in another inexorable Sox march to a World Series championship?

None of that really matters at this hour. What matters is all the feel-good fuzziness around the ’21 Red Sox dissolved in a stretch of 20 hours over two nights at Fenway as the still-proud, no-longer cheatin’ (as far as we know) Astros came back from two humiliations and reminded the Red Sox, “We’re still here.’’

Series Changed

Shank's latest column on the 2021 ALCS takes on a decidely different tone:

After two blowout wins, Red Sox loss to Astros in Game 4 changes the entire feeling of the series

Are you kidding me?

The Astros stunned the scalding-hot Red Sox Tuesday, taking a 9-2 victory with a seven-run, ninth-inning rally off Sox emergency closer Nate Eovaldi. All the runs were scored with two outs.

Shocking. This was the night the magic ran out for boisterous Boston and suddenly this ALCS series is 2-2 with shaky Chris Sale (no good performances against winning teams in 2021, 11 outs in two postseason starts) on the mound Wednesday and two of the potential final three games at Minute Maid Park in Houston.

The muscle-flexing Sox pantsed the Astros in Games 2 and 3 of this series, taking 9-0 leads and hitting three grand slams in back-to-back routs. Boston’s ascension to the 2021 World Series felt inevitable. Houston had a problem, manager Dusty Baker was on the firing squad, and the Hardball Hub of the Universe was ready to party like it’s 2018 on the Fenway lawn.

But then baseball happened. The Astros, a staggering team with a starting rotation of meatball artists, got off the ropes and delivered a crushing blow to Greater Boston, coming back from a game-long 2-1 deficit with one run in the eighth and a jail-break eruption off Sox ace Eovaldi, who was brought on to preserve the tie. Eovaldi (four earned runs) was hurt by Hunter Renfroe’s bad read on a leadoff double by Carlos Correa, but the big blow came when backup catcher Jason Castro laced an RBI single to break the tie. (A Laz Diaz blown call on a 1-and-2 pitch changed history in this inning.)

Mixed Messages

Today, Shank wants to take sides:

Red Sox seem to have been anointed by the baseball gods to punish the cheating Astros

It is as if these 2021 Red Sox, up-and-down throughout the regular season — have been selected by the baseball gods to punish the cheatin’ Astros for their 2017 crimes against hardball humanity.

The Sox bludgeoned the Houstons again Monday, blasting to a 9-0 lead in the third inning and cruising to a 12-3 Game 3 ALCS victory. It feels like we should just fast-forward to the World Series. Bring on the Braves or the Dodgers. Let’s be done with Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa, Alex Bregman and the rest of the nefarious Trash Can Dreamers.

This is baseball egalitarianism. In real time. At Fenway. Sweet.

Shank, five days ago:

In Red Sox-Astros matchup, it’s impossible to ignore both teams’ scandalous recent history

It won’t be a party starter at Fox Sports, Fenway Park, or Minute Maid Park, but it’s impossible to avoid the years-old cheating narrative in this 2021 American League Championship Series.

Another Comeback

Shank's pretty happy about last night's Red Sox / Astros game:

Alex Cora’s teams tend to come back strong after a playoff loss, and that’s exactly what happened in Game 2

HOUSTON — Alex Cora’s Red Sox don’t like it when you beat them in a postseason game.

The Sox are 16-5 in playoff games under Cora. After those losses, they are 5-0 with a run differential of plus-32, including Saturday’s 9-5 Game 2 ALCS spanking of the Houston Astros.

In 2018, the Sox beat the Yankees, 16-1, after losing Game 2 of the ALDS. Ten days ago, the Sox beat the Rays, 14-6, after losing the first game of the first round. Saturday, after an excruciating 5-4, Game 1 loss, the Sox jumped to a 9-0 lead on grand slams (J.D. Martinez, Rafael Devers) in the first two innings and a solo shot from Kiké Hernández — The Greatest Player in the History of Baseball — in the fourth.

Looks like we'll be seeing that hyperbole for a while. Funny how Shank doesn't focus on starting pitching for this piece (innings aside, Sale & Eovaldi both gave up three runs) or note Houston's steady run production at five runs each game. I'm sure he'll mention them down the road.

Assigning Blame, A Continuing Series

Shank lays the Sox' ALCS Game 1 loss squarely on Alex Cora and Chris Sale:

Alex Cora took a chance by starting Chris Sale in Game 1, but the Sox manager’s luck finally ran out

HOUSTON — Alex Cora could do no wrong. Every move was the right move. Everything worked.

And then he went one step too far. He got cocky and greedy. He thought he could “steal” a game against the Houston Astros (odd phrasing given the history here, but it’s only a figure of speech). He thought he could get away with starting struggling Chris Sale instead of Nate Eovaldi in Game 1 of the ALCS. Cora knew his bullpen was rested and figured that if Sale could just get a few outs, the Sox pen could bring it on home.

It almost worked.

But it did not work. Sale staggered through 2 2/3innings (five hits, one walk, a hit batter, and a wild pitch), then handed a 3-1 lead over to Boston’s well-rested bullpen. It worked for a while, but there simply isn’t enough depth in Boston’s bullpen. Adam Ottavino, Josh Taylor, and Ryan Brasier preserved the lead through the middle innings, but then Tanner Houck and Hansel Robles gave up homers to Jose Altuve and Carlos Correa respectively and the Sox lost the lead. The dam burst in the eighth when Hirokazu Sawamura blew up and the Red Sox were 5-4 losers despite four hits (two more homers!) from Kiké Hernández — the Greatest Player in the History of Baseball.

'It didn't work' - in the sense Shank expects all starting pitchers to throw six innings of one-hit ball with eight strikeouts.

If You Ain't Cheatin', You Ain't Tryin'

Shank takes a look at the lack of compliance to league rules by both teams in this year's ALCS.

In Red Sox-Astros matchup, it’s impossible to ignore both teams’ scandalous recent history

It won’t be a party starter at Fox Sports, Fenway Park, or Minute Maid Park, but it’s impossible to avoid the years-old cheating narrative in this 2021 American League Championship Series.

Astros vs. Red Sox features those lyin’, cheatin’ Despicable Me(s) from Houston — Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa, Alex Bregman & Co. — against the upstart Bostons, who are managed by Alex Cora, one of the few culprits of the 2017 Trash Can ‘Stros who was punished for his role in the scheme.

It’s as if the Spygate Patriots faced the Deflategate Patriots in some computer-programmed, analytic-driven, virtual Super Bowl. It’s where “Bang the Drum Slowly” meets “Rounders” at the intersection of “Molly’s Game” and “Eight Men Out.”

The Houston Astros are the most famous cheat-to-win perps in sports history. They won the 2017 World Series in seven games against the Los Angeles Dodgers. In January of 2020, an MLB report found that the ‘Stros cheated their way to the title with a sign-stealing system that (in part) included relaying stolen signs to batters by banging on a trash can at Minute Maid Park. Four years later, Houston’s lineup features four batters who were part of the scam.

DHL Dan XCVIII -

In these difficult times of zero live sports entertainment, Shank knows what ought to happen now:

This would be a good time to release the findings on the Red Sox and Patriots investigations

I think he's right on there - clear the deck of past events and concentrate on what kind of baseball season we're going to have this year. The months of April and probably May are scratches, so alternatives can be drawn up.

But you know Shank's got his own angle on things, right?

▪ Now is a perfect time for MLB commissioner Rob Manfred to drop the hammer on the 2018 Red Sox. The commish says that the investigation has been completed, and nobody is really paying attention, so let’s get it over with and get on with our lives.

The Sox’ transgressions are unlikely to be anywhere near Houston’s trash-can cheating of 2017, but they likely weren’t “nothing” as the Sox have claimed. Best to learn of their punishment now. It will allow them to strike “interim” from manager Ron Roenicke’s nameplate, and we’ll finally learn how long MLB plans to bench Alex Cora.

I bolded the massively contradictory parts - Shank wants to have MLB punish the Red Sox, whose owner pays his salary. That's a big bowl of awkward right there, to borrow one of Shank's favorite phrases. He's arguing for the Red Sox to get punished worse than the Houston Astros were punished by MLB (i.e., a slap on the wrist) even though he readily admits the Sox did far less in the transgressions department.

That's enough bullshit for this cat right there. Further punishment, dear reader, can be borne by clicking on that link.

Shank's National Pasttime

... is kicking a team when they're down:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Baseball’s cheating scandal just keeps getting worse. And the Red Sox have it hanging over their heads as they go to work on a season made more difficult by the salary dump of Mookie Betts and David Price.

The cheating Houston Astros — who have shot past the Patriots as the most hated team in America — conducted a hideous press conference in West Palm Beach Thursday that left more questions than answers.

Astros owner Jim Crane spoke, as did new manager Dusty Baker, and we listened to brief prepared statements from Alex Bregman and Jose Altuve, two of the cheatin’ ’Stros who won a World Series in 2017 while employing an electronic sign-stealing system that regularly allowed their hitters to know what pitch was coming.

Old School Baseball?

That would be Shank's words, not mine:

Old-school Nationals, at last, are first

HOUSTON — They were born as the Montreal Expos in 1969 and made the playoffs only once in 36 seasons. Montreal’s best team, the 1994 Expos, might have won a World Series, but there was no World Series that year because of a work stoppage.

When the Expos became the Washington Nationals in 2005, they were wards of the state, literally owned by Major League Baseball. MLB hired their manager and general manager. Until this year, the Nats never won a playoff series. They were legitimate heirs to the old Washington Senators.

And now they are Faustian champions of the baseball world, with a team that started the season 19-31.

Shank expands on the aforementioned 'old-school' angle:

The Nationals are an homage to old-school baseball. They rely on scouts more than analytics. They still have guys in the front office who chomp on cigars and go with their instincts. General manager Mike Rizzo has a staff that includes six former scouting directors, four former managers, and two former GMs. All of Washington’s scouts played pro baseball. The operation is about people more than numbers. They’ll take a lunch over a launch angle.

The rest of it is game recappage, etc.

Shank On Game 6 Of The World Series

It's pretty much what you'd expect:

This World Series was a dud. Then Game 6 happened, and now we get a Game 7

HOUSTON — Something about Game 6.

Game 6 gave us Carlton Fisk and the home run for the ages in 1975. It gave us Don Denkinger blowing the World Series for the Cardinals with a bad call in 1985. It gave us Bill Buckner and a late Saturday nightmare in 1986. It gave us Kirby Puckett’s walkoff in the Metrodome in 1991.

Game 6 is only truly great when it gives us Game 7 and that is what we now have. Stephen Strasburg and the Washington Nationals stunned the hardball universe Tuesday, beating Justin Verlander and the Astros, 7-2, to force Game 7 at Minute Maid Park.

UPDATE - Fixed the typo in the headline - sorry!

Shank On Game Five & The Rest Of The Series

Pretty good column by Shank, actually:

An Astros World Series championship sure feels inevitable

WASHINGTON — It feels like the old Senators could have done better than this.

The World Series is not over, of course. Stephen Strasburg could mow down the Astros on Tuesday and then anything could happen in a Game 7, right? That’s what Kevin Millar would say.

But a ’Stros championship feels inevitable after watching Houston sweep the Washington Nationals three straight by a 19-3 aggregate at Nationals Park. The Astros hit three two-run homers in Sunday’s 7-1 win.

The Nationals were already having a bad weekend when righthander Max Scherzer awoke Sunday morning with neck spasms and was unable to raise his pitching arm. Already reeling from back-to-back dull losses on their home field, the Nats no longer had their trusty ace available for a critical Game 5 of the World Series.

That's Because They'll Let Anybody In

48th MLB park for me pic.twitter.com/c9ngvaPB0K

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 25, 2019

Reader responses were positive and constructive:

You’ve trolled at 48 parks?

— Johnny Fontane (@JohnnyFontane1) October 25, 2019

It’s all about you Shank

— Gil Aguiar (@GilAguiar5) October 25, 2019

And something negative to say about each one

— DMD (@dmd031474) October 25, 2019

Cut your son off after the the 4th inning cuz; well, you know

— Richard Chavez (@richavez81) October 25, 2019

Is that also the pick number you had at the intern draft?

— Pete (@SawDustMaker88) October 25, 2019

Do they hate you yet?

— Tony Diliberto (@del4819) October 25, 2019

The Provincial Shaughnessy - A Continuing Series

Here's another column template for which Shank has based countless columns on - it's all about Boston!

HOUSTON — The Houston Astros and Washington Nationals are engaged in the 115th World Series and a lot of folks in Boston have tuned out because the games are too late, the pace is too slow and . . . in case you hadn’t noticed . . . the Red Sox are not here.

But the Sox are always here, don’t you know? Everything in life traces back to New England and the Red Sox. So here’s a clip-and-save, handy-dandy guide to how New England and the Red Sox are represented in a Astros-Nationals World Series:

And this is part of what Shaughnessy considers 'representation':

■ If the Nationals win the World Series it might help the Red Sox in their PR campaign if they have to trade Mookie Betts. Bryce Harper was The Franchise for Washington, but the Nats couldn’t re-sign him and then went out and won the National League pennant anyway. A championship for the Nats makes it easier for the Sox to justify trading their best player. They can point to Washington and say, “Look what happened after the Nationals lost Harper.” Meanwhile, if you are thinking about a logical place to trade Betts, consider the White Sox.

■ The Red Sox have David Price in the middle of a seven-year contract that pays him $31 million per season. Chris Sale next year starts a five-year, $145 million deal that puts him on the threshold of Price. This series has Stephen Strasburg (seven years, $175 million), Max Scherzer (seven years, $210 million), Zack Greinke (six years, $206.5 million), and Justin Verlander (two years, $66 million). It also has Houston righty Gerrit Cole, who is a free agent and will be making more than any of them by the time spring training rolls around.

To save the reader some time, these two brief examples purporting to demonstrate how 'the Red Sox are always here' - baseless speculation and player salary comparison that amounts to a huge non sequitur, for lack of a better way to explain the useless nature of that comparison. There are other attributes of this column that make it suck like a bilge pump but you don't need me to point the rest of them out, as you may be familiar with them by now. If he was trying to make a convincing case about this series being 'the Red Sox are always here', he fails poorly.

It's Shetland Pony Time Again - 2019 World Series Edition

As with the Antonio Brown situation, Shank gets into high dudgeon with the Houston Astros:

HOUSTON — Before the World Series even started, the Washington Nationals were America’s team.

It’s got nothing to do with the fact that the Nats play in our nation’s capital. Or that they’ve never been to a World Series.

No, the Nats are the team to root for because the Houston Astros’ organization has framed itself as arrogant, shifty, tone-deaf, stubborn, and completely unaccountable. And that is why on the night of the first World Series opener ever hosted in Houston, the Astros were dodging arrows from across America as they attempted to defend the indefensible.

A little background: On Saturday night, after the dominant ’Stros defeated the Yankees in walkoff fashion to win the American League pennant, assistant GM Brandon Taubman decided to play muscle-flexing, tough guy with three female reporters who were in the clubhouse as the perfunctory champagne celebration was winding down. The 34-year-old Taubman, out of nowhere, turned on the female reporters and started shouting.

Let's cut to the chase:

Sports Illustrated’s Stephanie Apstein was one of the three reporters targeted in Taubman’s tirade and wrote a piece about the episode Monday. After initially not commenting, the Astros furnished a statement in the wake of Apstein’s story late Monday. The statement acknowledged Taubman’s clubhouse comments, but said the team was “extremely disappointed in Sports Illustrated’s attempt to fabricate a story where one does not exist.’’

It appears to me that this 'big stink' Shank and others are making is primarily because Taubman yelled at female reporters and dropped F-bombs in the process. It also may be due to the fact that one of the reporters tweeted about domestic violence and for some reason Taubman decided to be a dick about things after the Astros won the AL pennant. Much like former president Barack Obama, criticism of a black person is somehow defined by leftists certain people as racist, criticism of gay people is now homophobic and, naturally, offending women is sexism.

Again, maybe this guy Taubman's a genuine dickhead but it seems to me that this story doesn't become as big without the female reporter angle and Shank and his fellow media parasites are going to milk this as much as possible, or make Mt. Everest out of the Blue Hills.

Redemption

That's Shank's angle concerning David Price's excellent pitching last night:

Here are the words about David Price you thought you’d never read

As always, note the use of the passive voice here and in other parts of the column.

HOUSTON — The relentless Red Sox won the pennant on Thursday night, beating the defending world champion Houston Astros, 4-1, in Game 5 of the American League Championship Series. The Sox open the 114th World Series Tuesday at Fenway Park vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers or Milwaukee Brewers.

Winners of 115 games, the Sox are trying to become the first team of the 21st century to win four World Series. In October of 2018, they’ve erased the 100-win Yankees and the 103-win Astros, winning seven of nine playoff games, including five straight on the road.

And here are the words you thought you’d never read . . .

The Sox clinched the pennant on the strength of six innings of stellar, pressure-packed pitching from the much-maligned David Price.

To be fair, Shank does goes on to drop the barest of hints about his own hand in the 'much-maligning' of David Price, but it never approaches a full mea culpa. If Price somehow falters during the World Series, expect Shank to switch back to 'much maligning'.

Cheatin' In Baseball

If you're Shank and it's a story about alleged cheating in baseball, you just have to mention the New England Patriots a bunch of times, don't you?

HOUSTON — The Houston Astros are the New England Patriots. They win a championship, and everyone thinks they are cheating.

The 2018 American League Championship Series took on a new dimension at Minute Maid Park this week when the Boston Metro first reported that a guy with a camera working for the Astros was kicked out of the photographer’s well by the first base dugout at Fenway Park during Game 1. Turns out the same guy got the heave-ho in Cleveland when the ’Stros were beating up on the Tribe in the Division Series.

Perfect. Spygate comes to baseball. Next thing you know the Astros will be accused of deflating baseballs.

Lame humor aside, the story short - MLB told the Astros - 'knock it off' and that was it.

But wait - there's more!

I am not the first to conclude that this makes Cora the new Eric Mangini.

You remember Mangini, right? Won a ring with the Patriots, was hired away by the New York Jets, then told NFL security about Bill Belichick’s camera tricks. The Jets caught the Patriots videotaping coaches’ signals at the Meadowlands and a price was paid. Mangini became dead to Bill, as in I knew it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart.

For those of you keeping track of ancient pop culture references, Godfather II came out forty-four years ago.

Grand Slam

Dear Jackie Bradley Jr.:

Remember when I was ragging on you earlier this year? We're good now, right?

Your pal,

Shank

HOUSTON — This was a statement game and Jackie Bradley Jr. made the loudest noise.

On a day of a Spygate accusation hurled at the world champion Astros, scintillating plays (hello, Alex Bregman), questionable calls (did that Steve Pearce fly ball clang off the wall before it was caught?) and high-wire drama, JBJ put a stop to the suspense with a no-doubt grand slam off Roberto Osuna in the top of the eighth inning Tuesday. Bradley’s mighty clout blew open a tight contest and propelled the surging Red Sox to an 8-2, Game 3 victory over the ’Stros.

That’s 113 wins and counting for your Olde Towne Team. If the Sox can beat the Astros two more times in this ALCS, they’ll open the 114th World Series next Tuesday night at Fenway.

From there, a note of caution about the Astros (it will 'not be easy' to beat them two more times, etc.) and this little gem:

“We saw that coming in the middle of the season,’’ Cora said when asked about Bradley. “Now he’s more comfortable. Credit to him.’’

They saw it, and Shank didn't.

Missed Opportunity

If I didn't know any better, Shank seems just a tad disappointed that the Red Sox won last night and didn't give him an excuse to light up David Price:

They got 14 outs from a former Cy Young winner. They got three big outs in the eighth inning from another former Cy Young winner. Meanwhile, the best pitcher on the staff was at Massachusetts General Hospital being treated for a stomach illness.

They got flawless work from the bridge bullpen guys. They got a bases-clearing double from their offensively challenged center fielder. They got a couple of doubles and an RBI from their MVP right fielder. They got another high-wire save from their suddenly skittish closer. And they got a full nine innings from their manager, who’d been ejected in the middle of Game 1.

It all added up to a 7-5, series-tying victory for the Red Sox in their ALCS with the world champion Houston Astros on Sunday night.

This is the part about Price's selection for Game 2 (which he was second guessing hours before the first pitch) and his subsequent performance:

Compounding all this, the Sox skipper elected to go with David Price in Game 2.

Yikes. In its moment of high anxiety, Red Sox Nation was forced to turn to one of the most buffeted hurlers in the history of postseason baseball. Price was 0-9 with an ERA of 6.03 in 10 postseason starts. His teams were 0-10 in his starts.

Given all of the above, there was serious concern that we might be heading to Fenway for the final time in 2018. Leaving Boston down, 0-2, to the dominant Astros was a tall order for any team, even for a team that won 108 regular-season games. It didn’t help when we learned that Sale was at Mass. General due to a stomach condition and would not be flying to Houston with the team after the game.

If the Red Sox lost last night, there's no doubt this column would have been harsher in tone.