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Sunday, August 27, 2006

Brewing Manny: Attack of the Clones

Why the title? Because a)this column is a clone of last week's, which the Chief put under "Brewing Manny," and b)Star Wars Episode II was a terrible movie, just like this column.

I guessed in tonight's SoSH game thread that Dan would have a field day right after Manny failed to slide into third base. Sure enough, here it is.

First of all, he fails to mention that Manny should have been safe. The third baseman was juggling the ball. If you do not have control of the ball while making a tag, the runner is not out. But most reporters will probably miss this, so whatever.

What kills me is that he makes a chronological list of everything Manny has done wrong dating back to last week, then has the audacity to write this:
Bloggers, e-mail friends, fanboys, and other wonderful Globe readers: Please, this is not a Manny rip job.
Sounds like we're getting noticed. Dan allegedly writes for the readers, but when they call him on his BS, he can't take it. And if this isn't a rip job, what is it? Everything he writes is a rip job in some form or another, and he can't claim that making a list of every Manny miscue over the last week coincidentally right after he fails to slide into third base isn't an indirect rip job. Don't even bother, Dan; you lost the benefit of the doubt decades ago.

After paragraphs bashing him, we get this cursory mention:
These are facts. Manny Ramírez is hitting .326 with 34 homers and 100 RBIs. He has played in 123 of Boston's first 129 games, which makes him something of a iron man in today's game. As previously stated, he is a modern-day Jimmie Foxx, a certain Hall of Famer, and he works hard at his craft. He has chosen not to talk to the media this year, and we don't care if you don't care. Even when he's not talking, Ramírez is polite, and his presence is anything but a disruption in the clubhouse. He goes about his business in his private orbit and doesn't bother anybody.
True, all that. Yet it gets 6 sentences and the rest of the column is. . .I'm not going to bother to count, that's a waste of time. . .a lot longer.
But his silence and his history provoke suspicion, and ours is a most cynical Nation.
This is so ironic I think I'm going to vomit. How can anyone read this and not laugh?

3 comments:

The Chief said...

All I can come up with is that Manny must have slept with DeMarlo Hale's wife, because that's the second time in a week that Hale's failure to coach got Manny thrown out (and in hot water with the brain-dead press). Hale's only responsibility on that play is to tell the runner whether or not to slide. He never did.

fadedredsoxhat said...

I didn't see what signal Hale was giving Manny nor do I know if Manny didn't expect the throw to go to third or if he just wasn't comfortable sliding there with his bum knee. Bottom line is Manny should have been safe. The ump saw the bobble and then made his call after Beltre controlled it. What a joke! Awful call!

Its fun to see CHB get defensive. If that wasn't a rip job how do you explain this: "I think he's a little bit better," manager Terry Francona said when asked about the status of the slugger, who's been plagued with knee and hamstring problems (we think) the last week."

"We think". No, CHB, you're not ripping Manny. I'm sure Manny appreciated those first two paragraphs as well, right CHB?

Anonymous said...

The key word in this entire column is "fanboys," used in derisive fashion. Yes, to CHB, people who are fans of baseball, (in other words, people whose interest in sports is so strong they fuel the sports news industry and allow him to draw a paycheck and get a platform to write books) are held in the lowest of contempt.