DHL Dan - XLV

This isn't your normal amalgamation of half-useless thoughts and jumbled logic; Shank takes the Picked-Up Pieces column to a whole 'nother level of rambling and contradictory, disjointed thought.

Picked-up pieces while officially changing my Globe column logo to “The Shaughnessy Report In Context” . . .

■ The more I think about it, I’m predicting that the embarrassed and contrite NFL will rescind all Deflategate penalties and ultimately reward the Patriots with a $2 million apology bonus and a couple of additional draft picks because of . . . you know . . . everything that the league put the Patriots through.

This, after numerous columns, nay, a veritable crusade, taking massive dumps on the Patriots. Gotta love having it both ways!

Shank continues to lobby for the rights to co-write Larry Lucchino's book:

■ Pay attention to what the Red Sox do regarding the Larry Lucchino vacancy. If you are a Sox fan, it’s a bad sign if the front office chooses to operate without a baseball guy to fill Lucchino’s shoes. Lucchino has been responsible for keeping order on Yawkey Way over the last 13 years.

Also, take note that Ben Cherington now mentions “John, Tom, and Mike,’’ instead of “John, Tom, and Larry.’’ “Mike” is Mike Gordon, the second-largest investor in the Red Sox.

'Tomato cans' make their annual reappearance:

■ The tomato cans are lining up nicely in the AFC East. Every year we hear about how the Dolphins, Bills, and Jets are finally going to contend . . . and then the season starts. None of the Patriots’ division opponents has a good quarterback. The Jets are now down one bad QB with Geno Smith getting his jaw broken by a teammate. Very Jetlike.

And there's another Larry Bird sighting:

■ I love how Larry Bird never lets Beezer Carnes off the hook. Carnes was Bird’s Springs Valley High School teammate in French Lick, Ind., and legend holds that Beezer was too lazy to join teammates for early-morning free throw practice before school, then he missed a key foul shot in the state tournament.

Speaking to Dan Patrick a few weeks ago, Bird said, “The dream was to be good enough to play against the big schools. That’s what we tried to do. But unfortunately, I played with a kid who kept missing free throws at the end of the game and we didn’t get there.

“I was at a party about two years ago, and this lady in her 70s looked at my friend and said, ‘What are you doing here? After missing those free throws back in ’74, you shouldn’t even show your face.’ ’’

And the one where Shank tries to wash his hands of the negative shitshow of Boston media by half-clever misdirection (emphasis mine):

■ Stand proud, Boston sports social media tough guys. When David Price was still with the Tigers, the ace lefty said this to WEEI’s John Tomase: “The amount of hatred I get from this fan base blows every other fan base away.’’

See what he tried to do there?

Truly a classic Shank mail it in effort!