Bipolar

Today's 'effort' by Shank focuses on just how aweseomely awesome the 2014 Boston Red Sox are:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — When you really start to think about it, the 2014 Red Sox are a lot like “The Lego Movie.’’

Everything is awesome.

Thursday was the much-anticipated first full-squad workout, and the entire Sox organization gathered for the first time since they all came down off the duck boats last November. The Sox released a photo of owners John Henry, Tom Werner, Larry Lucchino, plus Sam Kennedy, Jonathan Gilula, and Dr. Charles Steinberg sitting in Kraft-like high chairs, while general manager Ben Cherington addressed the defending world champs behind closed doors.

Obsessed with Patriots owner Robert Kraft much?

I don't know about you, but I think it's a rather small, petty man who feels the need to trash Patriots ownwership when he writes about the Red Sox.

And speaking of trashing ownership:

We’ve had executives on parade this week at JetBlue. John (William Randolph) Henry had his turn at the bench Wednesday

Now, is Shank lauding (falsely, of course) John Henry as the latest & greatest newspaper magnate, or the scumbag who defamed Annie Oakley with a false story just over a century ago?

Just to be on the safe side, Shank makes sure to perform a thorough ball washing:

While Tom was talking, Mr. Henry, the beloved owner of the Red Sox and the Globe, walked from the clubhouse wearing a black sportcoat, holding an umbrella over his head. It was hard not to think of Gene Kelly, Mary Poppins, or Ray Flynn in the Vatican, but Henry will get the last laugh when the rest of us are peeling sunburned skin off our necks.

And now, let's read about a product so profoundly awful it has to be given away:

The big boss no doubt was pleased at the sight of free Globes for everyone. Snowbirds from New England have been denied the pleasure of reading our vaunted broadsheet in Fort Myers in recent years, but this spring the paper is being printed at a site in Southwest Florida. Globe representatives are literally papering the house at JetBlue. Free Abraham and Cafardo for everyone.

Maybe the locals were lining their birdcages with something else the whole time?