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Monday, February 23, 2015

Let's Get Large - The Weighty Issues

Most of the time, the best way not to call attention to something is not to write about it. Then there's this guy:
FORT MYERS, Fla. — He ain’t heavy, he’s your third baseman.

Enough with Panda fat jokes. Pablo Sandoval is what he is. He is a 28-year-old switch-hitter who can rake. He can turn on the high fastball, something nobody does anymore. He can hit the ball that’s pitched away. He can hit tape-measure shots when batting from the left side. He can hit when it matters most. He’s also a cat-like defender, surprisingly nimble at the hot corner. Think Wilfork with a Wilson mitt on his left hand.

There’s been a lot of fat talk around Camp Red Sox since intrepid Steve Silva of Boston.com snapped a photo of Panda standing around the infield, looking a little like Marlon Brando in “Apocalypse Now.’’

Sandoval was caught in a classic Dunlap pose. You know the joke. His belly done lapped his belt. Somehow, the publication of this photo triggered a Fat Tuesday festivus of ridicule and repudiation. It was talk show fodder back home in Boston for a few days and even David Letterman weighed in with a Top 10 list of things you don’t want to hear from your $95 million baseball player. Publicly, Sandoval put on a happy face. He posed for a gut-protruding photo with teammates Hanley Ramirez and Joe Kelly. They called it the Panda Pose and sent it out on Twitter.

But Sox insiders claimed Sandoval was hurt. Changed. Burned.
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Which brings us back to the Kung Fu Panda, the corpulent captain of Team Tundra (vast waist land). In Red Sox lore, Sandoval is a worthy successor to Babe Ruth, Mo Vaughn, and Rich Garces.
Safe to say that Shank broke his pledge not to goof on Sandoval's weight with this column.

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