Shank Has It All Figured Out

That's what he wants us to think:

So now Denver sucks which means next game for no Jimmy G Pats will be another Tomato Can game. We’re on to Minneapolis.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 31, 2017

A few followers can't read / disagree with this assessment:

What is the English translation for this tweet?

— Debbie Amorelli(@djamorelli) October 31, 2017

Except they always play like shit in Denver. Try to pretend that you watch the team.

— Andy (@FantasyCapper) October 31, 2017

You guys all realize he’s a troll right?

— Johnny Fontane(@JohnnyFontane1) October 31, 2017

Why, yes. Yes we do!

The One Where I Agree With Shank

When he's right, he's right:

HOUSTON — Best World Series game ever?

Best World Series ever?

Or just a demonstration of bad pitching, juiced baseballs, and homer-happy ballparks?

A World Series is not supposed to have a Game For The Ages twice within a span of five days, but the 2017 Fall Classic already ranks as one of the best ever played and we still have one or two games left.

The Houston Astros, trying to win the first championship in the history of a franchise born in 1962, outlasted the Los Angeles Dodgers, 13-12, in 10 innings Sunday night/Monday morning to take a three-games-to-two lead in the 113th World Series, which resumes Tuesday at Dodger Stadium.

Did you know that this game had a local angle? Of course you did!

So there. The balls are juiced, the games are too long, and baseball is putting on a show unlike any other in an event that started at Boston’s Huntington Grounds back in 1903. That series was a best-of-nine, won, 5-3, by Boston. May I suggest the Dodgers and ’Stros make this a best-of-nine? Or best of 19?

Oh, and pushing the local angle a bit, I can tell you that Houston fans were chanting “Beat LA, Beat LA” when they poured out of Minute Maid Park while you were sleeping Monday morning.

Yep - it's all about Boston!

Patriots Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

At least Shank is sparing us the 'tomato can' / 'double score' shtick somewhat:

Chargers in Foxboro. Prepare for visitors to look across the field at Belichick and forget everything they know about football. #tomatocans

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 29, 2017

Pats win toss. Defer.
We're on to Denver.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 29, 2017

The stupidity begins: "Let's not go for 4th and 1. We are losers. Let's go for a 51 yarder and miss it.''

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 29, 2017

Well, if I recall correctly, Novak (Chargers kicker) was never known for long-distance field goals.

The Obligatory World Series Game 3 Column

Shank half-heartedly bangs out a World Series column.

HOUSTON — An Ode To The ’Stros.

The World Series returned to Houston Friday and the resurgent Astros thumped the Dodgers, 5-3, to take a two-games-to-one lead in the 113th World Series.

Lord knows there’s a lot to love about the Astros this year.

Let’s start with the obvious:

Yep, go read a Globe sports columnist for obvious takes.

And Now For More Former Boston Globe Employee Bashing

Look who's whining about the cost of inflight wifi - none other than the grandfather of fake news!

Delta flight from L.A. to NYC offers in-flight Wi-Fi for $40...That makes Delta both an airline and a criminal enterprise. #stickemupinair

— Mike Barnicle (@mikebarnicle) October 27, 2017

Have you considered reading a book during the flight instead, Mr. Barnicle, say some work of fiction by a writer about how a local mobster 'kept the drugs out of Southie'?

World Series Game 2 Recap

Looks like Shank's making up for his no-show column for Game 1.

LOS ANGELES — Baseball wins. It is 1975 all over again.

The Houston Astros and Los Angeles Dodgers, tied 1-1, will resume the 113th World Series at Minute Maid Park Friday night. But before we go there, we must pay homage to what happened at Chavez Ravine Wednesday night.

It was without doubt one of the greatest World Series games ever played. It shook the foundation of the beautiful ballpark built by the O’Malleys in 1962.

I think that's kind of a stretch. From there, it's the standard game recap and a ton of Red Sox 1975 World Series references, which seems to be his primary motivation in writing this column.

The Obligatory Rich Hill Column

You're getting a column from Shank only because the Dodgers' starting pitcher for Game 2 is a local boy.

LOS ANGELES — The kid from the Bay State League, the kid who grew up playing on Cunningham Park in Milton, started Game 2 of the World Series Wednesday night at Dodger Stadium.

Thirty-seven-year-old Rich Hill — a guy who pitched for the Cubs, Orioles, Red Sox, Indians, Angels, Yankees, A’s, and yes, even the Long Island Ducks just two years ago — got the ball for the Dodgers against Houston’s Justin Verlander.

Hill pitched four perilous innings and picked up a no-decision in a game the Astros won, 7-6, in 11 innings. The pride of Milton allowed one run on three hits and three walks while striking out seven. Hill threw only 60 pitches, but evidently manager Dave Roberts did not want to give Houston batters a third go-around vs. the Dodgers lefthander. The Dodgers were hitless vs. Verlander in the first four frames and it looked like runs were going to be at a premium in Game 2.

'Working' Vacation?

The Boston Globe sent Shank out to Los Angeles, allegedly to cover the baseball World Series. The Dodgers beat the Astros last night, 3-1.

Did Shank write a column about it? Hell, no!

Math Be Hard

Ah, the thrills of listening to 'hard core LA baseball fans':

Hard core LA baseball fans already predicting "Dodgers in Three.''

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 25, 2017

It All Makes Sense Now

From the looks of it, Shank's in LA to cover the World Series, and his conversations are as forward looking as you'd expect:

Just talked a little 1955 (Yankees-Brooklyn Dodgers) World Series with Larry King . . . Good times.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 24, 2017

When I threw this by my roommate, he quipped - 'they (the Globe) wanted him out of Boston'.

Combined age of Shaughnessy and King = 147 years.

Pro Tip To Alex Cora

Shank on the last guy he said he would never rip, exactly three years ago today:

I promise never to rip Sandoval for being out of shape or going on the disabled list.

Shank, about fifteen minutes ago:

I promised Alex Cora I’d never rip him. Then fessed up and admitted, “Actually that’s probably a lie.” pic.twitter.com/M6M2zQYuSV

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 24, 2017

If / when the Red Sox go on a four game losing streak, that will change suddenly enough.

The Cooler Gets Shelved

Fewer things get Shank revved up and ready to write like taking a dump on a former member of the Boston Red Sox.

LOS ANGELES — The World Series is back in Los Angeles.

The Cooler is not.

According to the Los Angeles Times, Adrian Gonzalez is vacationing with his family in Europe as the Dodgers play in their first World Series 29 years. He went on the disabled list with a back injury Sept. 28 and has not been seen since that day. He still has a year left on a contract that pays him $21.5 million.

Does anyone think his salary would be mentioned if Gonzo was making $5 million? Yeah, me neither.

It’s probably a good thing for the Dodgers. Gonzalez, after all, is The Cooler. He rides shotgun with bad karma.

Red Sox fans certainly remember Gonzalez. He was the sweet-swinging middle-of-the-lineup guy who inspired Theo Epstein to trade prospect Anthony Rizzo to San Diego after the 2010 season.

Remember when Shank was singing his praises? Ancient history.

By the way that last link was the third column in successive days that Shank wrote, practically fellating the guy.

In Boston, Gonzalez was the sour clubhouse contrarian who complained about Sunday night games, said it was “God’s will’’ when the Sox perpetrated the greatest choke in September history, then explained the 2011 chicken-and-beer fiasco by saying, “A man’s got to eat.’’

Read the rest of the column. It's one of the decent columns he's written recently, and the only reason it's good is that he gets to take shots and otherwise write in negative terms about a former member of the Red Sox. It's the only time he seems engaged in his writing.

Shank On The New Red Sox Manager

Alex Cora is the newest manager of the Boston Red Sox. Shank talks to his good friend, former Red Sox manager Terry Francona, about the recent hiring.

LOS ANGELES — Terry Francona managed Alex Cora for 3½ seasons in Boston. He knows that Cora can be a good major league manager in Boston. But he’s reluctant to talk about Cora while Major League Baseball asks the Red Sox, the Astros, and Cora to refrain from commenting during the World Series.

“I told guys on Sunday that I wouldn’t comment on this because of the Boston thing,’’ Francona said from Cleveland Monday. “Just because it’s Boston I don’t need to be sticking my nose in there.’’

OK, then. What about Dave Roberts, I wondered? The manager of the Dodgers has a lot in common with Cora, who is still employed as the Astros’ bench coach for this World Series.

Like Cora, Roberts played for Francona in Boston and won a World Series with the Red Sox. Like Cora, Roberts was one of those “glue” bench players that Francona liked having in his clubhouse. Like Cora, Roberts got his managing job at a young age without having experience in the majors or minors. Like Cora, Roberts was thrust into a major media market with a big payroll and great expectations. Like Cora, Roberts was his franchise’s first minority manager.

A Tale Of Two Tweets

Knowing that he can't continue to recycle columns, lest it become painfully obvious, Shank resorts to posting tweets during the early part of the Falcons / Patriots game last night:

Whoa. Dan Quinn trying to win this time. He's making the Pats do what they don't want to do. Elected to kick off.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 23, 2017

Quinn getting pantsedagain.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 23, 2017

Either the score became 21-0 within minutes of the opening kickoff or Shank's trying to have it both ways, again.

Low Hanging Fruit

It didn't take much imagination or effort to write this column - just ape the two you wrote after the last Super Bowl.

The Atlanta Falcons play the Super Bowl champion New England Patriots Sunday night at Gillette Stadium.

We do not take the Falcons seriously. We pity them. We feel sorry for them. They are scarred and their city is scarred and they will never recover from what the Patriots did to them — and what they did to themselves — in Super Bowl LI in Houston 8½ months ago.

The Falcons met the fate that has awaited so many other Patriot opponents. They were pantsed. They were embarrassed in front of the world. They had a younger, faster team. They dominated the Patriots. They put themselves in position to win their first Super Bowl.

Milking It, By Dan Shaughnessy - Gordon Hayward Edition

This is the first time I can recall Shank writing about a Celtics opening night. It's simply an exercise for him to remind his reading audience how much this year's going to SUCK for the Celtics now that Hayward's out for a very long time.

The Celtics are a certified Boston brand, no less than the Pops, the Swan Boats, or the cream pie at the Parker House. They have brought 17 championships and global fame to our town and their first Garden game traditionally has been a feel-good date on the local sports calendar. Through the decades, the Garden opener has been a night for raising banners and hopes. Even Rick Pitino had a great home opener when his young Celtics beat the Michael Jordan champion Bulls way back in 1997.

This year’s Celtics home opener was wildly anticipated after a summer spree in which president of basketball operations Danny Ainge bagged Cleveland point guard Kyrie Irving, Duke teen angel Jayson Tatum, and Gordon Hayward, the $128 million blue-chip free agent from the Hoosier heartland. The Celtics were championship-driven. They were a team on the way up and maybe even had a chance to return to the NBA Finals.

Nice of Shank to remind us in successive columns how much Hayward's contract is worth, isn't it?

And what would a Shank column on the Celtics be without the obligatory Larry Bird mention?

The Obligatory Gordon Hayward Injury Column

Shank bangs out a column on newly acquired Celtics forward Gordon Hayward and the devastation it might wreak on the 2017 - 2018 Boston Celtics.

CLEVELAND — Gruesome. Grotesque. Painful to watch.

The Celtics’ $128 million free agent acquisition, Gordon Hayward, broke his left ankle in the sixth minute of his first game with the team Tuesday night at Quicken Loans Arena.

Hayward crashed to the floor 5:15 into the season, in what turned out to be a 102-99 Celtics loss to the Cleveland Cavaliers. While his teammates battled back from an 18-point deficit, Hayward was wheeled out of the arena, bound for the Celtics team charter, and New England Baptist Hospital in Boston. Hayward’s parents were with him on the flight.

DHL Dan LX - The Hunt Begins

In the latest issue of the Picked Up Pieces column, Shank tells us about the first candidate to be interviewed for the Red Sox' next manager.

Picked-up pieces along the baseball trail . . .

■ Red Sox baseball boss Dave Dombrowski is expected to be in New York Sunday to interview Houston Astros bench coach Alex Cora for the Sox’ managerial opening. The 41-year-old Cora played 14 major league seasons, 3½ under then-Red Sox manager Terry Francona from 2005-08. Cora will be in New York Sunday with the Astros, during the day off between Games 2 and 3 of the American League Championship Series featuring Houston and the New York Yankees.

Also, self-awareness has never been a strong point for Shank:

■ Francona (who has his own problems now that he’s lost six straight elimination games) had this telling quote when he heard of Farrell’s firing: “I do think for whatever reason, that place is a little crazy . . . I think he’ll probably end up feeling like he’s in a better place, because I think that place can age you a little bit.’’ Continuing on this theme, we have Dombrowski’s answer when he was asked about the scrutiny of Boston: “I’ve had really qualified managers that I know and respect that said they would not manage in Boston.’’ Wow. So I guess we’re not making it up when we speak of the dreaded Boston Baseball Experience.

Being a Boston Globe sports columnist means never having to look in the mirror.

Farrell Fired

It seemed inevitable, with early and one-sided playoff exits over the past two years. For some reason, Shank seems to have a problem with it:

The Red Sox fired manager-under-siege John Farrell Wednesday. President of baseball operations Dave Dombrowski, sitting at a dais without ownership, provided no explanation for the dismissal of the five-year skipper who won a World Series in 2013 and just finished in first place in back-to-back seasons.

And yet, the move will be almost unanimously applauded by Red Sox Nation.

It’s one of those “only in Boston” things.

It seems like Shank has a little problem with the firing, doesn't it? He then proceeds to reel off the reasons it's justified:

While the Sox were winning 93 games each of the last two seasons, fans fumed about Farrell’s strategic moves. The manager sometimes seemed to panic when the situation called for calm. The game often got too fast for him. His communication skills were challenged by some players.

How many times have we seen Shank bitch about Farrell leaving in Chris Sale over the past couple of weeks?

Farrell demonstrated zero leadership when $217 million ace David Price acted out. He claimed to have no knowledge of what was going on when his players were caught in an electronic-device cheating scandal.

Farrell’s daily press conferences were peppered with annoying corporate-speak. Local sports talk shows and social media platforms called for the manager’s head almost daily.

When the big-payroll, top-talent Red Sox flopped badly in the playoffs for the second straight October, there was little question Farrell would be sacrificed by a front office ever-focused on optics and television ratings (down 15 percent this year).

A ticket-price increase has already been announced for next season. The Red Sox needed to do something after getting pantsed by the Houston Astros in a four-game ALDS. So they gave fans a feel-good moment by firing the manager.

This is typical of Shank, attempting to have it both ways - he tweets out about Farrell leaving Sale in, constantly reminds us of the Red Sox lousy playoff record the past two years, and now he can't even state 'yeah, he should be fired'? Come on.

Shots Fired?

A few days ago, Shank was rubbing Dave Price's balls. Now we get this:

On today from 11-1 with @ZoandBertrand. Plenty of Red Sox.
The team that played in the image of its leader: David Price

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 10, 2017

Is this the usual Shank, trying to have it both ways or has he turned on David Price? Time will tell.

Dump Taken

In a column that he's been working on for a couple of days now, Shank finally gets to deliver his eulogy for the 2017 Boston Red Sox.

There were classic moments in the final hours of the 2017 Red Sox season. The last game of the season was a hardball epic, featuring multiple lead changes, Chris Sale and Justin Verlander locked in a late-game duel as relief pitchers, dozens of scoring chances, a (Red Sox) guy gunned down at home plate, the symbolic ejection of John Farrell, and a ninth-inning, inside-the-park homer by Rafael Devers — a doughboy third baseman who will be a Fenway thrill ride for years to come.

Despite all that, the last drops of blood drained from the Sox season at 5:16 p.m. on a gloomy Monday when Dustin Pedroia closed out a wildly entertaining 5-4 loss with a grounder to second base on a 3-and-2 pitch.

With that, the long-suffering Houston Astros are headed to the American League Championship Series.

Staying Alive

The Red Sox won big this afternoon, 10-3 with David Price making an excellent contribution out of the bullpen. To hear Shank describe that contribution, you'd think he had just cured cancer.

He was Sidney Wicks, Jack Clark, Rick Pitino, Adalius Thomas, Carl Crawford, and Adrian Gonzalez. He was a top talent who made his professional bones and bags of cash in some other town, then came to Boston and offended an entire base of loyal fans.

Some of the treatment David Price received was unfair. Some of it was not.

But in the end, the lessons of professional sports are universal. Boston fans are no different from fans in any other sports-crazed town: If you perform, they will love you. If you don’t perform, be prepared to hear slander, libel, and words you never heard in the Bible.

Shank's one of the perpetrators; has been for well over three decades. There's little doubt in my mind John Henry told Shank to tone it down with criticism of Price.

Price performed in Sunday’s elimination Game 3 of the ALDS, coming out of the bullpen to stop the bleeding when it looked as if the Red Sox would suffer an ignominious sweep for the second straight October. Price’s four innings of shutout relief kept the Astros on the launch pad while the Sox ran to a 10-3 season-saving victory over Houston.

“The story of this one is David Price,’’ said Sox manager John Farrell, who might have been saved from the gallows with this win.

We'll see tomorrow, won't we?

It Begins

How could I possibly forget this angle? Shank is going to get multiple columns out of the 2017 Red Sox playoff exit.

The chair is hot in the corner office at Fenway. John Farrell could very well be managing his final game when the Red Sox take on the scalding Houston Astros in Game 3 of the ALDS Sunday afternoon on Yawkey Way.

The Fire Farrell chorus (includes me!) is loud and angry in the aftermath of bookend beatings the Sox endured at Minute Maid Park. Boston’s season-ending collapse is bearing remarkable similarity to the fall fold of 2016, and if the Red Sox are routed a third time by the Astros, something has to happen.

This time it might be the manager.

To be fair, I don't think there's any doubt that if the Sox lose this afternoon, Farrell gets the ax.

Gearing Up For The Big One

There can be little doubt that a) Shank's about to take a world class shit on the 2017 Boston Red Sox and b) the column's already halfway written, can it?

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Porcello, Price, Sale, Pomeranz.
Started Gms 1 and 2 of ALDS last 2 yr
14.2 IP, 21 ER, 9 HR, 26 hits

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 6, 2017

Can I use the word "pantsed" two days in a row?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 6, 2017

Once A Dick, Always A Dick - II

If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that fewer things make Shank happier than a playoff loss by the Boston Red Sox.

HOUSTON — One word and one word only best summarizes Chris Sale’s first career playoff start:

Yuck.

“It sucked,’’ Sale said after giving up seven runs (and three homers) in five-plus innings of an 8-2 Game 1 loss to the Astros. “A terrible time for it to happen . . . Just made bad mistakes . . . This one’s on me. I take full responsibility for this one . . . Got to be better. No excuses. Bad time to suck.’’

Read the rest of this column, no doubt started in the fourth inning of the game, where Shank piles on and spreads blame far and wide:

Oh, and since we’re in piling-on mode, let’s not forget that the “we do it our way and we’ll keep doing it our way” Red Sox ran into another out on the base paths when it was still a one-run game in the second inning. Dustin Pedroia was the culprit. One hundred and sixty-three games into the season, the stubborn Sox are still confusing foolishness for aggressiveness.

Once A Dick, Always A Dick

This one went up when the Sox were down 4-2 in Game 1 of the ALDS:

Farrell must be bringing Sale back to get his 300th K.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 5, 2017

Frauds

That's what Shank called the 2004 Boston Red Sox when they were down 3 - 0 to the Yankees. Kevin Millar, not too happy with that characterization, recalls his confrontation with Shank on the Toucher & Rich show this morning.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LIX

So much for realizing my lifelong dream of seeing 135 Morrisey Boulevard turned into dormitories for UMass-Boston.

The development company that has agreed to buy the former Boston Globe complex on Morrissey Boulevard is proposing to renovate and re-use the existing newspaper facility as a hub for high-tech jobs, including robotics.

Todd Fremont-Smith, senior vice president of development at Nordblom Co., offered a short but warmly received presentation on the 135 Morrissey project to the Columbia-Savin Hill Civic Association at its monthly meeting on Monday.

Nordblom Co. agreed to purchase the 16.5-acre Globe property for an undisclosed sum earlier this year, but the final transaction has not yet happened. Fremont-Smith said his company has the property under a purchase and sale agreement, and has been putting in increasing deposits over time. They plan to close the sale in mid-November.