A Yankee Farewell To Big Papi

Leave it to Shank to fuck it up:

NEW YORK — Welcome to Papi-Palooza, Big Apple style.

The interminable David Ortiz Farewell Tour made its final stop in the House That Jeter Built Thursday night. The Yankees’ pregame ceremony was short and sweet — nothing like the overblown homages showered upon Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter at Fenway in 2013 and 2014, respectively.

At 6:52 p.m., while the stadium was still half-empty, Ortiz was introduced to the crowd and came out to stand behind home plate with his wife Tiffany, daughter Alex, and son D’Angelo. The Yankees presented Tiffany and Alex with floral bouquets.

Ortiz’s former teammate Jacoby Ellsbury and former Red Sox pitcher David Cone were first out of the Yankee dugout. They carried a custom-made autograph book with hand-scripted messages from Yankees who have played against Ortiz through the years.

Next up was Rivera, the all-time saves leaders and future Hall of Famer. Rivera helped Ortiz unveil an oil painting that portrayed Ortiz tipping his cap at home plate at Yankee Stadium.

Then they played “Sweet Caroline” over the PA.

And that was it. No video montages. No speeches. No appearances by Whitey Ford, Woody Allen, Liza Minnelli, Billy Joel, or Dick Flavin. It was brief and buttoned-down. Very Yankee-like. And it was over in a New York minute. It was as if the entire presentation had been scripted by Bill Belichick.

Champagne Wasted

Despite losing the game to the New York Yankees, the Red Sox win the American League east (thanks to a Blue Jays loss). Since there was free beer in the Sox' clubhouse, Shank was there:

NEW YORK — Ever seen a champagne celebration after what would normally be an excruciating walkoff loss?

We saw one Wednesday night at Yankee Stadium.

The Red Sox completed their latest worst-to-first saga when they clinched the American League East thanks to Baltimore’s 3-2 victory over Toronto.

It looked like the Sox were going to clinch with their own win over the Yankees (six one-hit innings from Clay Buchholz), but that did not happen. Minutes after learning that they were AL East champs by virtue of the Orioles’ win, Red Sox closer Craig Kimbrel allowed a single and three straight walks to start the ninth then watched helplessly as Mark Teixeira hit a game-winning grand slam off Joe Kelly.
...
Weird. It was like leaving a cemetery and walking into a Delta House toga party. Something tells me that Bill Belichick would not have approved.

Nothing says 'Red Sox column by Shank' without marring it with a reference to some other sport.

Pill Papi: PEDs or Not, Ortiz is Hall Bound

The Shank column we've all been waiting for: Recognition that David Ortiz is Hall of Fame bound, and there's nothing The CHB can do about it.

Guaranteed, His Shankness would never vote for Big Papi on the first round, if at all. But he argue, tongue firmly in cheek, that since the New York writers say Ortiz is a Haller, that's a leading indicator that (PEDs or not, which is what the column is really about), he's bound to get the call.

Regardless of whether Ortiz deserves the recognition, which would have made for a much better column, btw, here's hoping Shank is actually right for a change, if for no other reason than it's another excuse to remind everyone of Shaughnessy's epithet for Big Papi: "a sad sack of you-know-what."

Shank Sighting - That She Blows!

While watching the Sox / Yankees game, they cut to Dave O'Brien and Jerry Remy in the booth, who were talking to Boston Globe baseball weenie writer Alex Speier. I thought I spotted Sir Shank-A-Lot in the row behind them (to the left). Expect a column from Shank in the near future.

Confirmed - in the bottom of the second inning, they panned back into the booth trio, and my roommate just confirmed it - "You can't miss that goofy looking redhead!"

Stupid Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Some 'jokes' don't translate well, or maybe they stopped being funny years ago:

Hillary won coin flip. Did not defer.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 26, 2016

Rehash Radio - XX

I wonder if he actually shows up in the booth with paper copies of his latest columns when he does the show?

On with Zo and Beetle -- @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. Sox and Pats can both clinch their divisions this week. Good times.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 26, 2016

Pats can clinch this week? Is that hyperbole or stupidity?

Trolling Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Yep, I'm sure that's the reason...

Since I said the Red Sox aren't winning close games after a 1-0 loss vs. Orioles, the Sox are 10-0, most of them close ones. You're welcome.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 25, 2016

It's Official - Shank's Back On The Pats Bandwagon

After winning three games in a row with multiple starters out of the lineup in each game, why wouldn't you shamelessly start rooting for the Patriots again?

Memo to Patriots fans: Deflategate is your friend. It has given birth to absolute truths that serve only to magnify and solidify that local notion that Bill Belichick and the Patriots are 10 times better and smarter than every other NFL team.

The first-place, 3-0 Patriots will enjoy a well-deserved day of rest Sunday, but a message has been delivered to NFL America. It is not a comforting missive for the 31 franchises that hoped to prosper when NFL commissioner Roger Goodell dropped the hammer on the Team Everyone Loves to Hate. The Patriots are on a mission. They are kicking butt and taking names. The 2016 Patriots are waging war on the rest of the NFL and the commissioner who overly punished them for driving 68 in a 65-mile-per-hour zone.

A decent enough column ensues from here (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band lyrics aside), but I think Shank overstates something towards the end:

This cannot be a great feeling for Brady. Deflategate has established that any Jimmy, Jacoby or Matt can play quarterback for the Patriots and still win. Belichick and the Patriot Way are the big winners.

I don't think you can use a three game span like the most recent one and dismiss the contributions of one of the top quarterbacks in NFL history.

On second thought, since I don't feel like erasing the previous sentence, Shank's not dismissing Brady, he's simply discounting it and attributing the team's success to the team. Seriously, it didn't kill me just now to agree with Shank! Still, I think that point's fairly debatable.

Points awarded to Shank for being consistent on this point (not Deflategate as a whole, where he once called Tom Brady a cheater and gave it its own column):

The Patriots would secede from the NFL if they had anywhere elso to go, but they don’t. They will settle for winning another Super Bowl and rubbing everyone’s face in the dirt. Tom Brady is taking his punishment and it’s Scorched Earth Time here in Hatriot Nation. Our long national nightmare is over.

Back to the original column:

Feel the fire. Embrace the hate. Deflategate is the Patriots’ friend.

Did Shank just channel the Emperor from Star Wars?

Settle Down, Beavis

Three games into the NFL season and Shank is all but ready to award the Lombardi Trophy to the New England Patriots. While I'm in favor of that notion, it's amusing that Shank's been trashing Bill Belichick since he got here, and suddenly he's the best thing since sliced bread.

But the No. 1 story line of the night was Belichick. We keep thinking we have seem the ultimate demonstration of his greatness and then we see something that tops the last one. We thought the opening-night win at Arizona would stand as the Hoodie’s favorite non-Super Bowl win, but Thursday’s shocker against the Texans was even better. It was a game won by all the boring things Bill loves — special teams, defense, and mistake-free offense.

“I’m so proud of the way our guys competed,’’ said Belichick. “A real satisfying win. The whole week the coaching staff did a tremendous job.’’

When an intrepid sort noted that Bill was climbing the ranks of career wins for coaches, Belichick said, “Today is not about me. It’s about the team, the players, the assistant coaches, and all the credit they deserve.’’

He'll be signing a different tune as soon as the Patriots lose their first game.

One Trick Pony

I did not have the patience or desire to post any of Shank's stale fucking bullshit last night. I wanted to enjoy the game without it being tainted by his repetitive, witless garbage. That said, here's the 'best' of Shaughnessy from last night's game.

Houston loses the toss. Pats defer. Of course.

Afterall, Pats only have one QB and he is a rookie

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 23, 2016

Things change quickly. Time to trade Jimmy G for a couple of first round picks.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 23, 2016

Houston Texans: "Oh, no!!!! We suck again!!!!''
Tomato
Cans

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 23, 2016

Game is effectively over, but nobody leaving Gillette. Too much fun watching Pats rub foes' faces in the dirt.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 23, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Professional Asshole

Beating a dead horse:

Firm hired by Ted Wells speaks to NY Times: It's The Wells Report In Context . . . In Context.
Surprise Conclusion: Pats were doing it.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 21, 2016

Rehash radio, part infinity:

On with @ZoandBertrand with Jarod Carrabisstarting at 11. Not much Sox to argue about now. They will never lose again.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 21, 2016

Reporters used to get basic facts correct, like spelling people's names:

This really just happened https://t.co/yUam1AeFty

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 21, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy you literally asked me how to spell my name and still got it wrong. that's the press box difference.

— Jared Carrabis(@Jared_Carrabis) September 21, 2016

That's just Shank's way of him letting you know you're not important to him. If you're reading this, Jared, he's insulting you right to your face. Stop falling for this shit and treat Shank as he ought to be treated - as an enemy. Think 'Godfather' here. Maybe you ought to talk to Kirk Minihane about that angle.

Small Whiff Of Bullshit Detected

Get a load of this bald-faced lie:

. @Dan_Shaughnessy on #RedSox: ‘I’m done ragging on these guys’ https://t.co/pVX6YDxEPu

— CSN New England (@CSNNE) September 20, 2016

A prediction - it won't matter what happens when the Red Sox play their last game this year; Shank will either savage the team or, as he did in 2013 when they won the World Series, he'll call it a fluke.

The Return Of Bandwagon Dan

Shank's latest column is a feint - he pretends to like the Red Sox and Patriots, so long as they're winning.

Here we go. Red Sox and Patriots. Hand-in-hand into history. Again.

Sunday in Greater Boston was one of those days that make all the hard living worthwhile. It was a day to put traffic, weather, taxes, the cost of groceries, and nonstop road and bridge repair (did I mention traffic?) on the shelf. It was a day to soak in the warm waters of first place and speculate on great sports moments in store in the upcoming weeks.

Playing without Tom Brady, without Gronk, without Rob Ninkovich, and finally, without Brady’s backup, the Patriots beat the Dolphins in their home opener. It was more Next Man Up and Let The Fools On The Other Side Beat Themselves again. More than ever, Super Bowl LI in Houston — a showdown with Roger Goodell, who would deliver the trophy — appears to be the Patriots’ manifest destiny.

Exit Question

How brutal is Shank going to be with his column about this game? I bet he's already written half of it.

And So It Begins - II

DeflateGate related jokes never get old:

McNally and jastremski scrambling dolphin headsets now?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 18, 2016

And - so much for 'maybe the Dolphins have a chance':

When do Dolphins execute the Butt Fumble?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 18, 2016

And So It Begins

Wow. New Miami coach knew enough to make Pats take ball. Maybe Dolphins have a chance. And that's six straight coin toss losses for Pats

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 18, 2016

It's called the law of averages, jackass...

Insipid Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy?

Will we witness a barrage of 'tomato can', 'coin flip' and 'double score' tweets from Our Man Shank in just under half an hour? Stay tuned!

Incomplete Thoughts, By Dan Shaughnessy

Surely he left something out here...

Why jump on the Hanley Ramirez bus? Because things can

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 17, 2016

...and a reader fills in the blank:

@Dan_Shaughnessy ...because things can change quickly and when they do I will trash him in a column.

— Christopher E (@cje1213) September 17, 2016

What's Old Is New Again

Stop me if you've heard this one before:

Bills fire offensive coordinator after 2 games. March of the Tomato Cans is on

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 16, 2016

Damn Yankees

What a present for Shank! He gets to write about what seems to be his favorite type of topic - a painful, excruciating and devastating loss.

How do you recover from this?

The Yankees — once all powerful but now The Little Train That Could — suffered a devastating setback at Fenway Thursday night. Leading the Red Sox, 5-1, in the eighth, and 5-2 with two outs in the ninth, New York was beaten by Hanley Ramirez’s three-run walkoff shot into the center-field bleachers off Dellin Betances.

“This one really hurts,’’ said Yankee manager Joe Girardi.

“A lot of guys in this room are really [expletive] off right now,’’ said third baseman Chase Headley. “We really want to come back and win tomorrow night.’’

It's impossible to read this column, note the rare quality within and come to any other conclusion - Shank loves to write about losing teams.

Duplicity, Or Just Full Of Shit?

Shank's well versed at talking out of both sides of his mouth. Yesterday, for instance, you see with the last post (below) the umpteenth time Shank takes a shit on the Red Sox for winning one game big and losing the preceding / following game in a low-scoring nail-biter. On the same day, he harkens back to the 1967 Red Sox, where he says, in part...

So this is NOT just like ’67. But it’s really fun. And the notion of four teams fighting for first place gives a little tingle to Baby Boomer (it’s always about us) Red Sox fans.

So, it's fun to watch these stat-padding Red Sox, except when they're padding their stats. Then again, that's as close to consistent as we'll get from Shank.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Like we haven't seen this one before, right?

Will say it again: Stat-padding Red Sox become choking dogs when the games are tight. Nobody does 12-2 wins and 1-0 losses like these guys.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 15, 2016

Just Win, Baby

A day after Shank tried to create as much doubt as possible about the Patriots (and thus their prospects of winning at Arizona), he pulls an Emily Litella and says - never mind!

As usual with Shank, he needs to remind us of negative things in the Patriots' past - that his way of being balanced:

GLENDALE, Ariz. — Eight years ago, this place was a house of horrors. A place where bad things happened to the Patriots.

The giant stadium in Glendale was bad luck. It is where 18-0 became 18-1. It is where Eli Manning made the scramble of his life and then David Tyree made the last catch of his career, pinning a prayer to the side of his helmet while he was wearing Rodney Harrison. It is where perfection was derailed.

Now, Shank, conjure up your inner Fonzarelli and say 'I was wrong':

But today Patriot Nation loves this place. Now it is the place where Bill Belichick and Ernie Adams made Pete Carroll lose his mind in Super Bowl XLIX (Go watch the “Do Your Job” video again). It is the place where Malcolm Butler introduced himself to Football America. And in September of 2016 it is the place where Jimmy Garoppolo and the undermanned Patriots beat the heavily favored Arizona Cardinals, 23-21, in the first game of Tom Brady’s four-game Deflategate suspension.

More coverage from the Patriots' win Shaughnessy: No Brady? No Gronk? No problem. Volin: Jimmy Garoppolo plays his role to perfection Gasper: Brady suspension was supposed to take away Belichick's secret weapon. It didn't work Cardinals miss their chance to take down the Patriots Chandler Jones, Arizona defense fail to rattle New England Two Patriots hold up fists after national anthem Did you know Marty from The Imagination Agency plays for Patriots? Patriots remove Tom Brady banner from Gillette Stadium Notebook: Patriots extend Rob Ninkovich’s contract Box score: Patriots 23, Cardinals 21 More Patriots coverage

Take that, Roger Goodell! You can overpunish Brady and roll out an NFC title contender for “Sunday Night Football.” Vegas can make the Pats 9½-point underdogs. But you still cannot beat Belichick and the Patriots.

No Brady? No Gronk? No first-round draft pick?

No problem.

Filling In

Shank's latest column attempts to create as much doubt as possible about Tom Brady's replacement for tonight's game (and the next three as well):

GLENDALE, Ariz. — Twenty-four-year-old Jimmy Garoppolo — who has never played a meaningful snap in the NFL —

Naturally, meaningful is undefined, as this suits Shank's agenda of creating doubt so he can shit on the Patriots tomorrow should they lose. Shank mentions Jimmy G. going 20 of 31 in 11 games, and all of that activity is deemed meaningless.

will stand behind center and in front of the nation Sunday night when the New England Patriots play the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. It will be the highest-rated television program of the weekend.

Pure speculation, but then again, this may be Shank's 'blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then' prediction he actually gets right.

Jimmy G is being asked to command the SS Belichick while Tom Brady, the greatest quarterback of his generation, begins serving a four-game suspension for his ambiguous role in the interminable, litigious, and abjectly stupid drama known as Deflategate.

You remember Deflategate - the one that Shank actively cheered on and eventually called Tom Brady a cheater. Funny how Shank conveniently forgets that when he needs to.

Man Crush Alert, or just want you want to read when you go to the Sports section:

Other than the superficial observation that Garoppolo is perhaps the only American athlete even more handsome than Tom Brady (not that there's anything wrong with that - ed.), we know virtually nothing about Jimmy G.

Too bad there's really no way to research that sort of thing...

He played his college ball at Eastern Illinois (never to be confused with Alabama or Southern Cal) and has not started a regular-season game in two seasons with New England. He has been the clipboard holder and mopup man for Brady, completing 20 of 31 passes in 11 games.

The goofy-yet-intriguing situation is without parallel in the long and fabled history of New England sports.

You can skip the next several paragraphs, as Shank falls back on an unimaginative, tired and longstanding formula of comparing this situations to past situations with the Red Sox and Celtics. But it helps to complete the column, so...

This is different. Garoppolo is replacing a legendary champion . . . but just for four games. And we have no sample to suggest how Jimmy G will do against the Cardinals, Dolphins, Texans, and Bills.

Shank, aware or not, then goes on to give just that sort of sample:

Backup quarterback Matt Cassel stepped in for Brady in 2008 when QB 12 got his knee blown up in the first game of the season. Belichick made things simple for Cassel and the Pats won 11 games, but they did not make the playoffs. Cassel parlayed his tryout into a big contract with the Chiefs, while Brady came back better than ever in 2009.

We suspect the Hoodie will dumb it down for Jimmy G. The quarterback looked shaky against the Panthers in his final preseason game, but he has yet to play with the full complement of New England’s offense weapons, and he won’t have Rob Gronkowski on Sunday. Look for a lot of short passes, tosses to the tight ends, and a smashmouth running game. Nothing high-risk. No stretching the field. Let your defense win the game. This will be Game Management 101.

If Shank thinks this is what Belichick is going to do, bet on the exact opposite.

...
So the Patriots’ quarterback situation at this hour is fascinating in addition to being unprecedented. The Patriots are going to play four games with a new guy behind center. Fair or unfair, it’s going to constitute a referendum on who’s the most important figure in Foxborough. Jimmy G’s success or failure will fuel the age-old argument regarding who gets credit for New England’s dominant run. Is it Tom or is it Bill?

I wonder why Shank always has to make such situations strictly binary? Is it because he's stupid? Perhaps, but again, it doesn't exactly suit him to share credit between Brady and Belichick. He needs to assign credit to one and by definition, blame or discredit to the other. This is how his mind 'works', for lack of a better definition.

Brady has been to six Super Bowls and won four of them. Belichick has been his coach for every game of his career. As noted by former Globie Ron Borges, in seven-plus seasons without Brady as his quarterback, Belichick is 52-62 and has missed the playoffs six times. The Hoodie is 1-1 in playoff games without Brady.

See what I mean? Of course, that leaves this question unanswered - what is Belichick's record when you remove his tenure with the Cleveland Browns? Take it away, commenter Shsnatick:

Dan:
Once and for all let's set the record straight regarding Bill Belchick's record without Tom Brady. The Browns had a record of 3-13 in 1990. They hired Bill Belichick. His record:
1991 6-10
1992 7-9
1993 7-9
1994 11-5 (beat Patriots in the playoffs)
1995 5-11 (after Art Modell gutted the team in preparation for move to (Bal)
2000 NE Patriots (house cleaning year)
The rest is history.

Belichick's record with the Browns: 36-44, so the record with the Patriots and without Brady is 16-18. Just a bit different, no? Once again, that doesn't support Shank's argument, so you won't see it. And if you have to rely on Ron Borges, a plagiarist, for your statistics, you're already halfway to losing that argument.

Glass Half Empty, Part VIII

You wouldn't know the Boston Red Sox were at or near the top of the American League East by reading Shank's tweets over the past couple of weeks:

More stat-padding by Sox Friday, a 13-3 win. Then a 3-2 loss today.
That another plus-9 run differential while going 1-1. #Can'twinclose1s

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 10, 2016

Manufacturing Returns To Massachusetts

Ford? General Electric? No, it's Shank trying to create controversy:

The Patriots will play the 2016 season in silent fury.

There will be no sabre-rattling in the locker room or at the podium. Nobody in Foxborough is going to admit they are mad as hell. There will be no public displays of anger or outrage.

But it’s there. The Patriots are the Hatriots. We feel it every day and will notice it on every play. We hear it in the things that are not said. The seething. The simmering. It’s the nonstop notion that Tom Brady and the Patriots got railroaded. All New England fans know that the Patriots are the victims of a jealous league and a commissioner intent on showing that he is the boss.

While angry Patriots fans call talk shows, script hateful tweets, and wear vile anti-Goodell garb, the folks who coach and play the games are going to have to take out their revenge in the stadiums of NFL America. That is the plan.

This almost sounds like he borrowed a few paragraphs from a column he did on Spygate years ago.

Rehash Radio - XIX

Pretty sure we're not missing anything important:

On with @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. Wall-to=wall Pats. Will steer them into Sox talk and maybe get Beetle going on big BC-Umass game.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 6, 2016

Some friendly advice is offered to the Shankster:

@Dan_Shaughnessy @ZoandBertrand how much do u get paid for these appearances? You'll need to think of other income sources with Globe slide

— Tom McCarthy (@thomjmcc) September 6, 2016

Well, that's not a problem...

He's Only Happy When It Rains

To paraphrase a commenter from many moons ago - "If there wasn't a losing team, Shank would have nothing to wrote about."

Lo and behold:

Frontrunning stat-padding Sox are great when it's 16-2, 11-2.
It's those 1-0, 2-1 games that they can't seem to win.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 5, 2016

In last four games, Sox outscored last-place A's and Padres, 28-7.
Won two, lost two.
Run differential means jack.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 5, 2016

Reaction is just about what you'd expect:

@Dan_Shaughnessy yes, but this is very old news... been this way all season.

— Jeremy Caron (@JeremyCaron) September 6, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy The Sox may be front-runners but you are definitely a bottom-feeder

— Chris Moltisanti(@Loyle2MyCapo) September 6, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy 16-20 in 1-run games, TOR is 15-22

— Mike (@gtfo) September 5, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy sweet sample size, bro

— john pittsley(@MithterPitthley) September 6, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy actually not true. Take a look at mlb standings, pretty much follows run differential.

— Ozzie deFaria (@OzziedeFaria) September 6, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy According to W-L, Sox are only as good as A's and SD. According to run diff, they are better. Which one is the truth?

— Not Mike Webb (@NotMikeWebb) September 6, 2016

Don't bother Shank with a question like that - he has an agenda to push!

Bonus soundtrack with respect to the title is here. These lyrics are pure Shaughnessy.

Misleading Headline

Dear Comcast Sports Net - you spelled 'doubt' wrong:

Shughnessy: Curious about Yoan Moncada playing third base

Brief (thus relatively painless) video at link, from Friday. Thus far, it seems that Shank's doubt has been unwarranted.

Better Solutions Offered

Shank's second installment of the The Deutsche Bank Championship seemed rather bland at first view:

NORTON — It was not a good day for the local kid.

Hopkinton’s Jon Curran, a former Globe All-Scholastic and part of a new generation of Boston sports fans (“We skipped school to go to one of those duck boat parades”), is playing at the Deutsche Bank Championship this weekend and had his worst day of the tourney on Sunday, shooting a 76 in the third round.

The rest of us would be ecstatic with a 76 at TPC Boston, but Curran is playing with the big boys and his three-day total of 4 over par has taken him out of Deutsche Bank contention and severely dented his chances to get to Crooked Stick to play in the coveted and lucrative BMW Championship. Curran started Sunday ranked 69th in the FedEx standings (only the top 70 after Monday’s final round remain in contention), but had double bogeys on holes No. 3, 6, and 15 on Sunday.

A surprisingly unique take from the Shankster on the local golf tournament, given his recent 'efforts'. We're left wondering if Shank actually spoke to Jon?

At times like this, Curran relies on local sports psychologist Dr. Greg Cartin for guidance. Cartin got his start counseling athletes at Somerville and Boston English High Schools and today runs GC3 Performance Consulting. Curran says Cartin keeps him relaxed and focused. It’s all about staying calm and smothering the anger than can eat you up inside.

“I talk to him every day,” said Curran. “I don’t have any goals. Just going out and doing as good as I can every day. Whatever happens, happens. I don’t like to set goals for myself. A goal of mine was to go to BMW and it’s literally driving me insane.’’
...
His path to the big time was not as rapid at Bradley’s. He didn’t get his tour card until 2014, but he’s made the cut in 18 of his last 29 tournaments and pocketed $918,000 when he almost won the Memorial. He currently lives in Jupiter, Fla., and plans to marry a young woman from Barrington, R.I., in Newport Oct. 28.

I would suggest stop talking to Shaughnessy as a first step. Or just kick him in the nuts - problem resolved! A kid making nearly $1 million on the pro tour ought not to be damaged goods, but further encounters with Shank will insure just that. Might want to avoid marriage as well - trust me on this one.

Drive Shanked, Badly

Shank's doing his annual golf column or two, and this year's leading edition sucks as bad as all the others he's written, and maybe even worse:

NORTON — Remember when everyone knew the name of the world’s best golfers?

Arnold Palmer. Jack Nicklaus. Tiger Woods. They were like Mantle, Mays, and DiMaggio. Namath and Brady. Jordan and LeBron.

This is, quite simply, astounding ignorance. Palmer hasn't played PGA golf (excluding the 50+ Seniors Tour) since approximately 1975, Nicklaus since 1977 (ditto), and Tiger's been injured for the past two / three years. In other words, I was thirteen fucking years old by the time The Golden Bear hung up his driver professionally, nearly four god damn decades ago. If that doesn't make it clear that Shank, who clearly does not follow golf, has no business whatsoever writing about golf in an intelligent manner, then nothing does.

The rest of the column is pure formulaic Shank template with respect to first round leader Jason Day - read it at your peril, and don't come bitching to me about not getting that five minutes of your life back. You were warned.

Fore!

The Deutsche Bank Championship started today (apologies for a link to the other Boston Globe dickbag), but I wanted to take a walk down memory lane.

Six years ago, Shank covered this tournament and wrote a column devoted mainly to Tiger Woods' use of a portable bathroom. It was an awful column, even by Shank's low standards.

And Now, A Word From Head Coach Dan Shaughnessy

Brady still in the game. This is genius

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 2, 2016

Feelings Mixed

Shank talks to Boston Celtics legend Cedric Maxwell, who has an opinion or two about Colin Kaepernick, the shithead whose bold stance against what he claims are oppression, racial injustice and police brutality which involves marching on City Hall helping out inner city youth donating to worthy causes sitting down during the National Anthem.

Cedric Maxwell played eight seasons for the Celtics, from 1977-85. He was MVP of the NBA Finals in 1981, and in ’84 he famously told teammates to “hop on my back” before leading the Celtics to a Game 7 victory against the Lakers.

Maxwell’s No. 31 hangs in the Garden rafters, alongside the numbers of Bill Russell, Larry Bird, and the other Green legends. Today he serves as a color commentator on Celtic radio broadcasts.

And in all those seasons with the Celtics, Maxwell was never on the parquet floor standing at attention when the national anthem was played.

Max’s absence was sometimes perceived as a protest. He says it was not.

“The only reason I walked out during the national anthem — wasn’t in protest of the flag — I love America more than anybody,’’ Maxwell said Wednesday. “People would ask me about it.

“It was because I was nervous, and when the national anthem was played, I was fidgety. I did not want to offend anybody by moving around, shuffling my feet, doing what I was doing, so I just took myself out of that environment out of respect to the flag.

“I still do it now. I normally leave before the national anthem is played.’’

This is a topic today because San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick has made a stand that he will sit during the playing of the national anthem before games. Kaepernick sat out the anthem at San Francisco’s game last Friday, then explained that he was motivated by racial injustice and police brutality in America. He has pledged to do the same Thursday night when the Niners play at San Diego. His position has created a national debate.

What debate? This is meaningless showboating, nothing more. If Kaepernick was serious about these matters, he'd be doing a lot more than a bullshit 'protest' of sitting out a national anthem. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

UPDATE AT 12:18 PM - Link to article added; apologies.

UPDATE II, AT 1:10 PM - Check out the socks Colin decided to wear at a recent practice. He's one step away from the Black Lives Matter professional agitators, coming soon to block a highway near you.