Champagne Wasted

Despite losing the game to the New York Yankees, the Red Sox win the American League east (thanks to a Blue Jays loss). Since there was free beer in the Sox' clubhouse, Shank was there:

NEW YORK — Ever seen a champagne celebration after what would normally be an excruciating walkoff loss?

We saw one Wednesday night at Yankee Stadium.

The Red Sox completed their latest worst-to-first saga when they clinched the American League East thanks to Baltimore’s 3-2 victory over Toronto.

It looked like the Sox were going to clinch with their own win over the Yankees (six one-hit innings from Clay Buchholz), but that did not happen. Minutes after learning that they were AL East champs by virtue of the Orioles’ win, Red Sox closer Craig Kimbrel allowed a single and three straight walks to start the ninth then watched helplessly as Mark Teixeira hit a game-winning grand slam off Joe Kelly.
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Weird. It was like leaving a cemetery and walking into a Delta House toga party. Something tells me that Bill Belichick would not have approved.

Nothing says 'Red Sox column by Shank' without marring it with a reference to some other sport.