Monday, February 03, 2014

Dan, Dan, the Stats Can

The CHB mocks Peyton Manning and dances on the still-warm bodies of the Denver Broncos, and today's hit job offers a little something for everyone, whether they were at the game or not.

  • Patriots fans are "yahoos."
  • Roger Goodell is "lucky."
  • Chris Christie blocks traffic. 
  • And the AFC is the alternately the "Powder Puff Conference" and the "Tomato Can Conference." 
Let's focus on this last insult, shall we, since it's been a favorite Shank refrain all season.

In fact, the NFC "manhandled" (sarcasm intended) the AFC during the regular season, beating them in head-to-head games by an "overwhelming" (more sarcasm) 34-30 mark.

Oddly, in fact, only one NFC division -- the NFC West -- had a winning record against the AFC. Meanwhile, three AFC teams -- the Raiders, Texans and Jaguars -- each went 0-4 against their NFC counterparts. In short, the AFC's three weakest sisters were the difference.

Two AFC teams went undefeated against the NFC, and vice versa. And of the 12 teams that lost one or fewer non-conference games, it was split evenly at six AFC and six NFC.

So much for tomato cans.

It would have been relevant, if wholly out of character, had Shank mentioned the Broncos offensive line, which apparently was stuck in traffic and never made it to the game. But that would require 1) some football knowledge and awareness and 2) him to write his column without the benefit of five or eight hours of crushing beers in the "Seinfeldesque" press box. Not. Gonna. Happen.

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