Sunday, January 15, 2006

'The Greatest Patriots Victory of Them All'

Note to Ron Borges, Jerome Solomon, Nick Carfado and any of the other Globe writers who follow the Patriots on a regular basis: Your employer thinks you suck.

How do I know? Because although the CHB writes about football maybe six times a year -- half of which to inform the world that Tom Brady is Larry Bird -- his accounts of the most important Pats games of the season are run on A1, while the rest of you are relegated inside.

The CHB's reporting of last night's loss in Denver is by any measure a pedestrian account, but hey, Govnr's Park was beckoning. As with all his columns, however, Dan's journalistic epilepsy kicked in a couple times:

Petit mal. "The Patriots won an NFL-record 10 consecutive playoff games, dating to January 2002." Not really. The Patriots didn't make the playoffs for the 2002 season. Thus, saying the Pats won 10 consecutive playoff games is like saying the Steelers won four straight Super Bowls.

Grand mal. "The Dynasty, and three Super Bowls in four years, is officially over." Expect a lot of this in the weeks to come. Truth is, we don't know what's over and what's beginning, and won't for years. If the Pats take it all next year, I'd say the "Dynasty" would be still intact.

Pyschomotor flashback. And of course, there's no mention of his absurd Dec. 19 prediction that the Pats would defeat Indy in the playoffs this year. Remember, this was supposed to be "The greatest Patriots victory of them all." Or something like that.


shawn said...

Does this mean Shank's moved into some sort of sporting pantheon? I mean, he's managed F the Red Sox *and* the Patriots in the same season.

That's gotta be some kind of record.

Anonymous said...

It's the Curse of the Danbino.

Objective Bruce said...

Ever thought of enrolling in Elementary Composition 001??

And the incoherence just keeps on comin'

The Chief said...

Hello Kettle! You're up early this morning, considering you're on Mountain time.

Anonymous said...

Did you guys know if you spell Plummer backwards under a full moon the day after Friday the 13th, you get the street name of Babe Ruth's home in Sudbury, which Tom Brady once drove past while listening to the Red Sox playing the Yankees? How could the Pats possibly win with all that cosmic crap working against them? Good thing Braindead Dan has us trained to think that way, otherwise we'd just think all the insipid connections he makes in his column are just stupid, insipid connections.

Monkeesfan said...

It's rather petty to criticize Shank's comment that the Patriots had won ten straight playoff games dating back to January 2002. Actually this is accurate - the Patriots won three straight playoff games in 2002, two in January (the "Snow Bowl" Raiders game and the Bledsoe's Swan Song game in Pittsburgh) and Superbowl 36 in February.