Iced

Dan Shaughnessy, typing away with 2:30 left in the Bruins game last night:

"Here in the Stub of Hockey, they are Wrong Ways on Causeway, the Not so Fleet on Center Ice. Claude (as in "Clod") Julien may never have to buy a drink in this town again, but that's a good thing since he will be looking for a new job come Wednesday. Can we say another 40 years between Cups?"

Dan Shaughnessy, at 6:05 of overtime in the Bruins game last night:

"Oh crap."

Anything But Quiet

Confirming Shank's presence at Fenway yesterday, we are treated to a column that was predictably written as the Red Sox have lost seven of their previous ten games.

In case there's any doubt that he's pissed off his last ally in the Red Sox organization, here's Shank on Tom Werner, who once got Shank's daughter an internship in Werner's TV production company, a favor long forgotten:

Red Sox “Chairman” Tom Werner (third-most-famous Chairman, trailing only Mao and Frank Sinatra) was not provoked to write another missive summoning the spirit of Jackie Robinson and complaining that the Globe and other media outlets are being unfair to Sox players.

It's a compliment to be compared to a communist dictator responsible for millions of deaths, isn't it?

Shank also quotes the former Baltimore manager Earl Weaver, who for whatever reason Shank did not write anything about when Weaver passed on earlier this year:

What we are seeing is market correction from the 20-8 start. It was Earl Weaver who said “you are never as good as you look when you win or as bad as you look when you lose’’ and the 2013 Red Sox are a good example of this. They have come back to the pack but let’s not get greedy. There is every indication that they are in this race to stay and that is a good thing after what the Nation endured in 2012.

Seven weeks ago, Shank had the Red Sox battling for last place in the AL East race:

The question now is, “Who are you going to pick to finish in last place — the Red Sox or the Yankees?’’

Shank then uses the remaining part of his column to write about himself and the Ortiz kerfuffle of his own making. Way to make some headlines, Shank!

Making Friends

Check out Shank's latest trip to the Red Sox clubhouse:

As David Ortiz prepared to leave the Red Sox clubhouse after the team’s 3-2 loss to the Blue Jays, he did a double-take. The sight of Dan Shaughnessy, the Boston Globe columnist who confronted the slugger directly with suspicions about the possibility of his use of steroids, standing with a group of reporters, caught Ortiz’s attention.

“Look who it is,” Ortiz said.

He paused for a moment, then noted — loudly enough that all in the clubhouse were party to his address — that on the very day on which Shaughnessy interviewed him, he took a test for PEDs. Ortiz said he would be sure to pass along results of that test to the columnist. Ortiz became slightly more animated as he noted that he’d taken 40 tests administered by Major League Baseball.

“I’ve never tested positive,” Ortiz told the columnist, who had referenced the fact that the New York Times discovered in 2009 that the slugger had tested positive for a performance-enhancer in 2003 (at a time when a) there were no penalties for positive tests and b) test results were supposed to be anonymous).

When the report surfaced four years ago, Ortiz disputed that he had ever knowingly used PEDs, something that he mentioned anew to Shaughnessy as he walked towards the clubhouse door.

“By the way,” Ortiz said, “let me know what I tested positive for in 2003.”

As he spoke, while Ortiz was clearly upset, his tone remained relatively measured. He did not seek a response from Shaughnessy, nor did the columnist say anything while Ortiz spoke, though he did position himself to speak to Ortiz if the slugger wanted to do so.

Awkward!

The Long March

Shank's first column on the Boston Bruins in two months, naturally, comes after a loss. Would it be fair to question whether Shank's been advised by his boss not to write about the Red Sox for a few weeks?

We should know by now that the Bruins never, ever do it the easy way. They rarely get the job done in five games. It’s usually seven.

And so the Bruins must return to Toronto to give the emboldened Maple Leafs another shot Sunday night.

With a chance to close out the desperate Leafs, the Bruins dropped a 2-1, Game 5 decision on Causeway Street Friday night and now must go back across the border before they can advance to the second round of the 2013 Stanley Cup playoffs.

Careful, B’s. The Maple Leafs are to the NHL what the Red Sox were to the American League before 2004. They are an Original Six team in a hockey-crazed town and they haven’t won a Cup since the Dave Keon team of 1967. When you get ahead of them, three games to one, it’s a good idea to put them away. The Bruins couldn’t do that and you know the good folks of Toronto will go all Kevin Millar on us. They’ve got Phil (rhymes with Schill) Kessel in Game 6 and anything can happen in Game 7.

This column irritates in so many ways. In addition to the negative timing & angle (as this column comes after a lackluster loss, we expect no less from Shank!), he is compelled once again to make numerous references to the Red Sox, which no Shank column should be without, provides (if that is the right word) a paint-by-numbers recap of the game (better read elsewhere) and offers little in the realm of substantive analysis. Like last night's game, this is a half-assed effort by the home team.

And Shank, as has been mentioned before, continues to dwell on the Bruins' loss to the Flyers three freakin' years ago:

“We played good in the second half of the game,’’ said Rask, who was goalie when the Bruins blew a 3-0 series lead to the Flyers three years ago. “We have to take that with us and start the game up there like we finished here. We have to learn from it.’’

Other than the obvious point that Shank just loves beating up on the home team when they lose, I fail to see any reason whatsoever why this needs to be brought up time and time again.

Last Red Sox Bridge Burned

... or was it nuked? When Tom Werner, Red Sox chairman, feels compelled to respond to Shank's column on Wednesday all but accusing David Ortiz of using performance enhancing drugs, you're pretty much blacklisted.

Wednesday, the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy suggested that David Ortiz might be using performance-enhancers because "it is not natural for a guy to hit .426 out of the gate."

He said that David's 27-game hitting streak was suspect, in part, because older players "do not get better" and, most disturbing to me, because he is from the Dominican Republic.

The story soon became Topic A on talk shows, on ESPN.com and on NESN. In fact, Wednesday night, Tim Wakefield was drawn into the conversation and tried to restore order by saying, "I'm tired of people pointing fingers because somebody is doing well. David is producing because he is a great hitter."

The swirling story prompted Ortiz, after going 0-for-5, to tweet, "End of my hitting streak tonight, the season still going and I hope Dan Shaughnessy is a happy man now. ... Not more .426 enjoy it."

Earlier last week, a Toronto radio host accused Clay Buchholz of doctoring pitches. He made this claim despite the fact that no Major League player that Buchholz faced this April had made any such suggestion regarding how Clay had pitched this year. Instead of Boston celebrating Buchholz's 1.60 ERA, we had to read and hear these charges, which went viral. Clay was naturally frustrated and had to issue this comment, "To have somebody say that I'm out there cheating is doing me an injustice."

I fully acknowledge the right the media has to ask difficult questions and to express controversial opinions. Freedom of the press is fundamental in our culture.

They had the right, but was it right?

We're in a new media world, and fact-less accusations stick.

Those who publicly ask questions must take responsibility for their words.

Don't hold your breath waiting for that...

Asking The Tough Questions

Our man Shank talks to David Ortiz about his performance thus far in 2013.

“How do you think he does it? I don’t know! What makes him so good?’’

Pete Townshend, “Pinball Wizard”

Hitting is not this easy. Athletes do not get better as they mature into their late 30s. Baseball has been peppered with performance-enhancing drugs for the last 20 years. The cheaters are always ahead of the testers. A number of players from the Dominican Republic have tested positive for steroids. Injuries to the Achilles’ tendon are consistent with steroid use. It is not natural for a guy to hit .426 out of the gate without the benefit of any spring training.

So David Ortiz knows. He knows he is a suspect. He knows there are people out there who think he’s cheating. His name appeared on a list of players who tested positive for PEDs in 2003. And what he is doing now just doesn’t look possible.

When you cheat at cards, they tell you to lose a couple of hands to make it look good. Ortiz can’t even seem to do that. He just keeps raking. Ortiz Tuesday night extended his hitting streak to 27 games, dating to last July, before he got hurt.

‘My bat speed has been the same since the first day I got here.’

This is an uncomfortable topic, but it’s preferable to question a man face-to-face than to tarnish him by whisper and innuendo (how about in print, Shank? - ed.). I went to Ortiz Tuesday afternoon in the Sox clubhouse and put some hard questions to him. I told him he looks dirty.

Big Papi's been down this road before. Nice to see the scales finally fall from Shank's eyes, isn't it?

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XX

LeBron James won his fourth MVP award in the past five seasons, garnering 120 of 121 first place votes. From this, a minor controversy arose - why wasn't LeBron a unanimous selection, and who was the lone idiot holdout?

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Gary Washburn of the Boston Globe!

The End Has Arrived

The New York Knicks won their first playoff series with Carmelo Anthony, beating the Celtics, 88-80.

Last call on Causeway Street.

The end of a game.

The end of a season.

The end of an era.

The Celtics came back from a 26-point deficit in the fourth quarter — cutting the margin to 4 — but could not catch the Knicks in Game 6 Friday night. Overrated ball hog Carmelo Anthony scored 7 straight points, snapped a string of 19 consecutive 3-point misses, and led the Knicks to an 88-80 victory over the gritty, graying Celtics.

Shank, in a pretty good column, then discusses the future of the Celtics, with the obligatory comparison to the other local teams:

Clearly, it is time to break up the old gang that brought one championship and multiple playoff wins since the start of the 2007-08 season. The Celtics have become the local team with the least amount of hope. Would anyone dispute the notion that the Patriots, Bruins, and Red Sox (yes, even them) are closer to a championship than the Celtics?

Would anyone dispute the notion that Shank will be raising similar issues, and conveniently forget what he wrote here, when the Bruins end their playoff run, or with the first three game losing streak by the Red Sox, or when he starts writing about the Patriots & trashing Bill Belichick in the process?

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XIX

Alternate title - can't wait for the New York Times' 10-K, if this article is an accurate leading indicator of performance in the industry.

The Washington Post Co. on Friday reported bad news for its newspaper division, with revenue totaling $127.3 million for the first quarter of this year — down four percent from 2012 — and an operating loss of $34.5 million.

Overall, the company posted a profit of just $4.7 million, an 85 percent drop in earnings from the net income of $31 million for the first quarter of last year.

In the newspaper division, daily and Sunday circulation at the Post dropped 7.2 and 7.7 percent, respectively, compared to 2012. Average daily circulation totaled 457,100 copies, with Sundays at 659,500. The report also noted that in January of this year, the Post increased the paper’s price for daily home delivery and daily and Sunday single copies. And print advertising revenue at the Post in the first quarter of 2013 dropped 8 percent to $48.6 million, down from $52.7 million in the first quarter of 2012.

Every dark, dark cloud has it's silver lining:

As for online — primarily washingtonpost.com and Slate — the company had better news to report. Revenue generated by the company’s online publishing increased 8 percent to $25.8 million for the first quarter of 2013, compared to $23.9 million for the first quarter of 2012. The company also posted a 16 percent increase in online display advertising, although online classified advertising revenue on washingtonpost.com fell 6 percent for the first quarter of 2013.

The company, meanwhile, has announced plans for a paywall this summer.

I wonder how that's working out for the Boston Globe? We'll find out when the 10-K comes out, which should be in the very near future. Astute observers of this site will note this has not been an issue here in quite a few months; it's amazing what can happen when you put your mind towards solving a problem and trading notes with others.

The End Was Near

The Celtics have staved off elimination in the NBA playoffs in two successive games, with yesterday's win coming at New York, 92 to 86. Shank's Thursday column is one of the few times a Red Sox reference is fitting.

NEW YORK — Perfect.

The Knicks are choking. They haven’t won a playoff series since 2000 and now they have a chance to be the first team in NBA history to blow a 3-0 series lead in a best-of-seven playoff. The wait of 13 years has become the weight of the basketball world.

Suddenly, Celtics-Knicks has morphed into Red Sox-Yankees, circa 2004. Carmelo Anthony is Alex Rodriguez. James Dolan is George Steinbrenner. Jason Terry is Dave Roberts, and Doc Rivers is Terry Francona. We’re not quite sure who’ll get to play Curt Schilling with the bloody sock. Game 6 is Friday night on Causeway Street and the Knicks are certain to be tighter than Kevin Brown before Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS.

No team in baseball ever came back from 3-0 . . . until the 2004 Red Sox did it against the Yankees. Now the Celtics have a chance to do the same thing . . . to the Knicks.

Throw in some good old-fashioned trash talking, and now you have an interesting and entertaining series.

Coming Out

In today's column, Shank discusses Jason Collins, former Boston Celtic, who announced yesterday that he is gay.

The big deal about this . . . is that it’s not a big deal.

Veteran NBA center Jason Collins came out of the closet Monday. In a first-person article for Sports Illustrated, Collins told the world that he is gay. He became the first active player in a major American sport to acknowledge his homosexuality.

And it is not a big deal. It is not Jackie Robinson in 1947. Collins has come out at a time when few will challenge his right to his own sexual identity. There no doubt are folks who wish Collins kept this to himself, but woe is the ballplayer or commentator who will question anything about Collins’s sexual orientation.

We have evolved. There are gay men and women in just about every workplace. There have been gay ballplayers for more than a century. We just didn’t know about it.

One Month In, He's Wrong Again

“The question now is, 'Who are you going to pick to finish in last place — the Red Sox or the Yankees?' ’’ -- The CHB, March 24, 2013 American League standings as of this afternoon:
EAST	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF	STRK	L10
Boston	18	7	.720	-	11-5	7-2	128	88	+40	Won 5	7-3
NY Yankees	15	9	.625	2.5	9-4	6-5	112	97	+15	Won 4	7-3
Baltimore	15	10	.600	3	7-5	8-5	129	104	+25	Lost 1	7-3
Tampa Bay	12	13	.480	6	8-4	4-9	103	97	+6	Won 2	7-3
Toronto	9	17	.346	9.5	5-8	4-9	95	130	-35	Lost 4	2-8

Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

Shank's Wednesday column on the Boston Celtics reflected on the team being down, 2 - 0, to the New York Knicks. Now that the Celtics are down 3 - 0, Shank recycles that column.

It’s ice time on Causeway Street. The Bull Gang can pack away the parquet after the Celtics and Knicks play Game 4 on Sunday. You don’t need Red on Roundball to tell you that this series is not coming back to Boston next week.

And what's a Shaughnessy column without a mention of Bill Belichick and cheap alliteration?

Draftmaster/sartorial savant Bill Belichick has a catch-all phrase for those rare occasions when the Patriots submit a terrible performance. The Hoodie will stand at the podium and mumble, “That’s not what we were looking for.’’

This is a polite explanation for what unfolded at the Garden on Friday. Fans came out to see the Celtics shake down the thunder from the banner-festooned rafters. Instead, they got another terrible performance from the Green Team. The Celtics were humbled by the Knicks, 90-76, and now face a potential season-ending Game 4. Two years after thumping their chests and sweeping the Knicks, the broom is on the other size-16 Nike.

Not what we were looking for.

Throw in a random Larry Bird reference for good measure:

It only got worse. Anthony (26 points on 12-for-25 shooting, no assists) was Michael Jordan and Larry Bird in the third and fourth quarters as the Knicks shot to a 21-point lead. He was the true Fab Melo. Every time the Knicks needed a basket, Anthony scored.

After two decent colums, Shanks reverts to form, or lack thereof...

The End Is Near

Hate to agree with Shank, but he may be right about this year's Boston Celtics.

NEW YORK — It feels like the end is near.

When Rajon Rondo went down with a torn ACL in late January, we all wrote the obituary for the 2012-13 Green Team. But then the Celtics started playing well again and we temporarily lost sight of the fact that they have little chance to advance in the playoffs this spring.

Tuesday night the Celtics were beaten, 87-71, in Game 2 of their first-round series with the overrated Knicks and now we are back to remembering what we felt when Rondo first went down.

It is not impossible, of course, for the Celtics to come back in this series. They’ve been down 0-2 and won a series before. They did it in in the spring of 1969 when Bill Russell and Sam Jones were getting ready to retire.

And now, for a little Rick Pitino flashback:

But it doesn’t feel like it’s going to happen this year. Bill Russell is not walking through that door. Sam Jones is not walking through that door. The Celtics scored 8 points in the fourth quarter of Game 1 and 23 points in the second half of Game 2. They shot an aggregate 14 for 63 in the second halves of the two losses.

Also of note - this is Shank's second consecutive quality column, which begs the question: are there any 'end of the world' prophecies in the near future we haven't heard about?

Oink, Oink

For those of us who've followed professional basketball for years, Shank's column on the New York Knicks' Carmelo Anthony states the fairly obvious.

NEW YORK — Overrated ball hog.

This is Carmelo Anthony. He doesn’t seem to be a bad guy. He is not the devil. He’s probably going to shoot the Knicks past the Celtics in the first round of these NBA playoffs.

But he’s not going to be an NBA champion. He’s not one of the all-time greats. He appears to be incapable of doing anything to help his team unless he has the ball in his hands.

Shank then reels off many past NBA champions, including Larry Bird, natch, and bolsters the above statements throughout a pretty good column.

How Small Is This Group?

In recent months, Shank seems to be racking up accolades in one form or another:

Hall recognizes players, executives, journalists and entertainers of Irish descent.

New York, NY (PRWEB) April 17, 2013

The Irish American Baseball Hall of Fame (IAB HOF) today announced its 2013 inductees: popular former Mets Rusty Staub and Joe McEwing; longtime owner of the LA Dodgers Peter O’Malley; Hall of Fame baseball writer Bill Madden of the New York Daily News; and award-winning columnist for the Boston Globe Dan Shaughnessy.

The authors of Dan Shaughnessy Watch aren't into cheap cultural stereotyping, but I feel compelled to point out the following:

The induction ceremonies will take place at Noon on Tues, May 7, 2013, at Foley’s NY Pub & Restaurant (18 W. 33rd St.), which houses the Irish American Baseball Hall of Fame. Ballots were cast by past inductees and a panel of baseball experts and historians.

“We are proud to induct the Irish American Baseball Hall of Fame Class of 2013 for their contributions to the game,” said Shaun Clancy, president of the Irish American Baseball Hall of Fame and owner of Foley’s, which features one of the country’s most extensive public displays of baseball memorabilia. "The 2013 inductees include two of America's best known sports writers in Bill Madden and Dan Shaughnessy and the longtime owner of one of baseball's iconic franchises in Peter O'Malley. We are also proud to honor two of the most popular players in Mets history: Rusty Staub, a main cog in the 1973 NL Championship season, and "Super Joe" McEwing, a tough and versatile competitor for the 2000 World Series team."

Shank's contributions:

· Dan Shaughnessy: Award winning columnist for the Boston Globe for over 30 years, Shaughnessy is the author of 12 books including The Curse of the Bambino, which chronicled the misfortunes of the Red Sox after trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees, and The New York Times bestseller Francona, which he co-authored with the former Red Sox manager. Shaughnessy has been honored 11 times as Massachusetts Sportswriter of the Year and has been named nine times as one of the Top 10 Sports Columnists in America by AP Sports Editors. He serves on the New England regional board of UNICEF and is proud of his Irish roots in County Galway.

Out of Touch

Unbelievable. The same guy who has spent a career whining about how men in tights are overpaid and underappreciative of their luck in life now has the gall to say "We know our place. The games are entertainment."

If only he could show that perspective when people aren't getting killed.

The Day After

Shank writes about yesterday's bombing at the Boston Marathon.

You live here, so you got the calls. And the texts. And the e-mails.

Are you safe? Are you OK? Were you there? Is everybody in your family all right?

This was one of those days when you found out how many great friends you have. Worldwide, word spread that Boston — the Boston Marathon — was under attack, and folks from other corners of the country and the world reached out to find out how you and your family were doing.

More end to more innocence. One of our best days is forever tainted. The 117-year-old Boston Marathon will never be the same. The journey from Hopkinton to Boylston Street is now a 26.2-mile stretch of yellow police tape. Do not cross.

Crying in their Weird

This is what passes for sports reporting in Boston these days: The CHB and some other dude talking about whether John Lackey is now a sympathetic person.

Not about whether he can pitch. Not about whether he can pitch well. But whether the fans (and media, of course) are ready to accept him as a Red Sox.

Sample analysis: "I don't know what we're going to get out of him. ... But first Lackey's gonna need to get back on the field."

Hey, and Silva sounds as effeminate as Shaughnessy. It's Douche Squared.

DHL Dan - XX

The spring sports equinox is upon us. With so many different events going on, Shank can't pick just one, so he writes about all of them!

Picked-up pieces while waiting for Larry Lucchino to return a phone call . . .

Don't hold your breath, Shank - you burned your last bridge with the Red Sox organization. The only surprise is that it took this long.

Is your head spinning? The Sox are off and running. The Celtics and Bruins are readying for the playoffs. Tiger is getting ready to wear the red shirt at the Masters. Two Connecticut schools battled for the NCAA hockey championship in Pittsburgh Saturday night. The Red Sox play the major league’s only morning-start game on Monday and our city is peppered with folks from around the world who are here to watch and run in the 117th Boston Marathon.

Any word on where Tiger's gonna take a leak, Shank?

The rest of the column is predictable pablum; read at your own risk.

Swing And A Miss

I missed this column from Monday, and it's a gem. We're a Springsteen quote, a 'Sons of Tito' mention and a cheap shot at Bill Belichick away from this being the ultimate signature Shaughnessy column.

Sarcasm? Check:

The Redemption Tour comes home Monday afternoon and the “Please Don’t Hate Us” Red Sox are in sole possession of first place for the first time since Sept. 1, 2011.

Pretend that you weren't licking the previous manager's balls? Check:

It’s a good day to feel good about the Sox again. They have delivered on their promises to play hard and be more likable. They’ve vetted clubhouse poisons and assembled a unit of worthy veterans and wide-eyed kids. They are managed by a true professional, and ownership hasn’t insulted the fan base in several months. They have new-millennium gold dust twins Jose Iglesias (.529 average) and Jackie Bradley Jr., and sophomore Will Middlebrooks, who hit three home runs in Sunday’s 13-0 rout of the division-favorite Blue Jays.

Dump on Red Sox management? Check:

“Make no mistake,’’ Sox CEO Larry Lucchino wrote to fans in a spring training welcome letter (Lucchino specializes in letters to fans), “with a 69-win season in our rearview mirror, the challenge to beat back the skeptics and re-assert ourselves is an invigorating one for all of us.’’

Gratuitous acknowledgement of the team's performance so far this year? Check:

The 2013 Sox have blasted from the starter’s gate with four wins in six games in New York and Toronto. They hit a whopping six homers in the Rogers Centre Sunday and at 2:05 p.m. Monday play the Baltimore Orioles in the 113th franchise home opener.

Whine about a mild New England winter, having spent about a month of it in Florida? Check:

It doesn’t take much to rekindle the passion of New England baseball fans. Red Sox Nation wants players who hustle and appear hungry; players who pull for one another and don’t complain about travel, snitches, or scoring decisions. After all the snow and cold of the wicked winter of 2012-13, most New England baseball fans are thrilled just to think about being warm outside again.

Continue to run players out of town months after you've finished the job? Check:

The Sox haven’t been home since Bobby Valentine’s 2012 wretches slinked out of town under the cover of darkness late last September (that was the night Bobby V said, “I think I would have kept the beer in the clubhouse. I could have used it after a few of these games”). Bobby’s trainwreck Townies staggered to the worst Boston baseball season in 47 years (69-93, 26 games out of first place), which triggered the overdue overhaul.

Take a dump on ownership and piss on general manager Larry Lucchino again for the old 1 - 2 combo? Check:

Positioning themselves as “scrappy underdogs” (another Lucchino beauty), the $154 million payroll Red Sox launched their 2013 campaign with an 8-2 victory in Yankee Stadium one week ago. After starts of 0-6 (2011) and 1-5 (2012), the Sox come home with a 4-2 record, winning their first two series for the first time since 2006 — when everybody loved the Red Sox and the “new” owners.

The local landscape is very different now.

Presumably because of all the snow melting from the brutal New England winter...

Hype the new manager so Shank can help write his memoirs once he gets shitcanned? Big freakin' check!

Mindful of an angry fan base, the Sox spent the winter/spring apologizing to fans and asking forgiveness in the form of two-for-one hot dogs and reduced beer prices in April. They issued offseason slogans of “What’s Broken Can Be Fixed’’ and “162 Chances to Restore The Faith.’’ New manager John (Wayne) Farrell was summoned to clean up the Valentine mess and told fans, “It’s a whole new ballgame,’’ in a NESN spot that paints the 2013 team as “workmanlike” and “professional.’’

The last words go to The Duke:

“We had a tremendous spring training,’’ Farrell said after Sunday’s rout. “To go through New York and Toronto is a good start. We’re going to give effort and energy every time we walk on the field. We’re going to play with an intensity that should work in our favor. We’re looking forward to going home and getting before our home crowd. Hopefully, these six games will energize the fans even more than they normally would be.’’

Saddle up!

Battered Fan Syndrome

Now that the Red Sox are on a roll, Shank waxes estatic about how awesome our Red Sox are.

We love baseball. We love the Red Sox. Nothing else explains the wonderful, wacky reception the Sox received Monday in their 113th home opener, a 3-1 victory over the Baltimore Orioles.

You can insult the fandom. You can treat people as if they are imbeciles and win 69 games. You can produce the worst season in a generation (47 years). You can offend the sensibilities of smart people. It doesn’t matter. Give us a shred of hope and we are hooked.

The woebegone Red Sox are 5-2 and in sole possession of first place in the American League East. So now it looks like the pennant. Print the World Series tickets. And should the World Series reception be held at the JFK Library or the Museum of Fine Arts?

“This is a Red Sox town,’’ said Boston’s outgoing mayor, Thomas Menino, as he patrolled Level 3 behind home plate in the early innings. “Boston fans love the team. They are going to follow the team. We’re going to follow this team to a rolling rally in October.

“The Red Sox are part of the DNA of Boston. We always come back. We love the team.’’

We always come back.

I can't emphasize this point enough - just wait until the first two or three game losing skid, and Shank will be trashing everyone in the Red Sox organization from John Henry to the grounds crew.

Singin' Shank

The multi-talented Dan Shaughnessy sings the national anthems at the April 6 Canadiens-Bruins game. Is there anything that man can't do?

Overreaction - II

Shank trashed the 2012 Boston Red Sox for the entire playing year and the past offseason. Now that the 2013 Red Sox have a two game winning streak? Best. team. Evah!

NEW YORK — They may never lose.

They may never trail.

Worst to first. Two games into the season, this is the theme of the 2013 Red Sox.

And is it possible for Jackie Bradley Jr. to be the Face of the Franchise after only two games in the big leagues?

That depends - how many column inches you have on him so far?

Pump some air into the Duck Boat tires. Get going with the 2013 commemorative bricks. Maybe the phony sellout streak will live longer than we thought.

That's right, folks - Bandwagon Dan changed his tune on the current version of the Olde Town Team from last place laughingstock to write-in World Series favorite in under two weeks.

Do I even have to ask what Shank will be writing with the first three game losing streak?

Overreaction

The 2013 Boston Red Sox win in Yankee Stadium yesterday on Opening Day, and Shank's doing cartwheels:

NEW YORK — First walk. First hustle on the basepaths. First strikeout. First run. First RBI. First “tremendous” catch.

How long before Dr. Charles Steinberg produces “The Ballad of Jackie Bradley Jr.?’’

How long before Yawkey Way is renamed JBJ Way?

How long before we’re eating loaves of Jackie Bradley Jr. Bread?

The kid made his major-league debut Monday afternoon and was instrumental in the Red Sox’ 8-2 Opening Day thrashing of the New York Yankees. In his first big-league plate appearance, in the second inning, Bradley turned an 0-and-2 count into a hard-earned walk off CC Sabathia that triggered a four-run Red Sox rally. Bradley beat shortstop Eduardo Nunez’s throw to second when Jose Iglesias followed with a hit into the hole. Bradley knocked in an insurance run in the seventh, doing his job when he batted in a first-and-third, one-out situation. He walked three times and saw 26 pitches in five plate appearances. He made a catch that reminded old-timers of Yaz’s iconic grab in the ninth inning of Billy Rohr’s major league debut, a one-hitter in April of 1967 at Yankee Stadium.

Speaking of 1967:

It’s 1967 all over again. The Cardiac Kids had rookies named Reggie Smith and Mike Andrews. They went from ninth place to Boston’s first pennant in 21 years. They had a first-year manager who said, “We’ll win more than we lose.’’ And they had a rookie pitcher who hurled a one-hitter in his big-league debut in Yankee Stadium in April.

Leading up to Opening Day, Shank was wondering which team would be finishing in last place; today the Cardiac Kids have been resurrected. So much for consistency.

Turn On A Dime Dan - VII?

Yesterday Shank was trashing the 2013 Red Sox before they played a single game, stating that "chemistry in a baseball clubhouse is way overrated." Today he writes an otherwise good column on Jackie Bradley Jr., starting his first game in the major leagues as the left fielder. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but you tell me:

NEW YORK — The worst Red Sox season in a generation angered and alienated a large, loyal fan base and gave way to an offseason of overpayment for ballplayers of character and experience. Expectations have been lowered and the club’s winter/spring ad campaign begged forgiveness while promising a team that will try harder.

Monday the torch will be passed to Boston baseball’s future, and its name is Jackie Bradley Jr. With only 138 minor league games under his belt — none in Triple A — the soon-to-be 23-year-old Virginia native will be the Red Sox’ starting left fielder on Opening Day at Yankee Stadium.

Bradley is the perfect antidote for the infection that’s poisoned the Sox since September of 2011. Boston’s kid outfielder is a spotless soul with no baggage and no attachments to the hardball horrors that have plagued this franchise since the final days of Terry Francona and Theo Epstein.

In other words, this kid brings character and talent to the clubhouse.

Shane Victorino wraps up the column with a great quote:

Seeing the four-deep group of reporters gathered around Bradley’s locker Sunday, Victorino walked by and warned, “They love you now, but they’ll be [expletive] burying you within a week.’’

Welcome to Boston, kid.

And avoid talking to Dan Shaughnessy!

Can You Move The Goalposts In Baseball?

I'm wondering what it would take for Shank not to complain about something. I think the answer is 'nothing', because once the Red Sox took steps last year to remove massive contracts and malcontents from their roster, he's bitching (again) about something else.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — The Red Sox are selling character this spring. They have cleaned up their toxic clubhouse.

No more Josh Beckett snarling and looking for snitches. No more Carl Crawford complaining about how mean everybody is in Boston. No more aloof Adrian Gonzalez, arms folded, looking down on those who would question his commitment. Kevin Youkilis isn’t here to gossip or complain. Goofy Bobby Valentine is gone and so are the coaches who wouldn’t talk to the manager. Jon Lester has promised to smile.

It’s all Hakuna Matata in Camp Farrell.

...

I hate to break it to everybody, but chemistry in a baseball clubhouse is way overrated. Winning requires talent, pitching, and three-run homers.

Of course you'd think a rational person might wait for a few regular season games to be played to see if in fact the Red Sox actually win some games, but that would require a rational person...

At Smith Barney, They Earn It

That's the most recent observation from Captain Obvious:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — The worst-kept secret of Red Sox spring training finally spilled out of the ball bag Wednesday before the Sox played the Miami Marlins at JetBlue Park.

Jon Lester will be the Opening Day starter against the Yankees in New York Monday afternoon.

“That’s a surprise in camp — in Camp No Surprise,’’ said manager John Farrell.

Lester will become the first Red Sox pitcher to start three consecutive openers since Pedro Martinez started seven straight from 1998-2004. The only other lefties to start three straight openers for the Sox are Mel Parnell and Babe Ruth.

No shots at John Henry or Larry Lucchino? What gives? And what's a column on Jon Lester without a mention of birds and Buds?

Getting Lester back on track has been one of the top goals of the spring of 2013. Still only 29 years old, the big southpaw is 85-48 (.639) over seven seasons, but he slumped badly beginning in the infamous September of 2011. In his last four games of ’11, Lester went 0-3 with an ERA of 8.24. He gave up 25 hits and 12 walks in 19⅔ innings. After manager Terry Francona was fired, Lester was fingered as one of the chicken-and-beer brigade and he seemed to carry psychological baggage into the 2012 season.

That'll never get old, will it?

In a rare moment of guilty feelings / candor, Shank then mentions this:

“It’s all about standing tall,’’ Lester said after Wednesday’s outing. “It sounds simple, but for whatever reason I morphed into it from 2011 to 2012. I was pitching like I was 5-10 instead of like I’m 6-4. You can see it. You look at it, side-by-side, even someone who doesn’t know anything about baseball [I think he was looking at me when he said this] can see it. I couldn’t dig out. I don’t know how it worked out in my head, but it wasn’t good. So this spring I overhauled everything and I’m back to being me.’’

Translation - 'shut your piehole about me for a while and let me pitch.'

We'll see if that's 'message received' or not.

Unruly 'Noted'

What in the heck is this? A Red Sox notebook from The CHB?

Sure, it's sitting in the premium spot (the web version of above the fold) on the website, but there it is, not a column, not a game story but a notebook.

There's still a bit of snark: He takes aim at Dustin Pedroia's helmet problems to suggest that the Mighty Mite is on steroids.

But for today at least, Shank's been relegated to intern territory. Tee hee. 

Phi Slamma Jamma II

Shank is all over the latest Cinderella story of this year's NCAA men's basketball tournament.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — They play in the newly chartered Dunk City. They play on a campus that’s only been open since 1997. The oldest alums are in their early 30s. They play in the Atlantic Sun Conference. They are the lowest-seeded team (15) in the history of the NCAA Tournament’s Sweet 16.

And now they belong to the universe.

Florida Gulf Coast University is the home of the hottest sports story in the land. The Eagles just routed Georgetown and San Diego State in the Philadelphia sub-regional. Friday night they’ll play the University of Florida in Arlington, Texas, for a shot to advance to the Elite Eight. Not bad for a school that didn’t exist 20 years ago.

There never has been anything like this in sleepy Fort Myers. This is bigger than Deion Sanders. It’s bigger than the opening of Mike Greenwell’s amusement park. It’s bigger than Lou Gorman serving as grand marshal of the City of Lights Festival parade. It’s bigger than Red Sox vs. Twins in the rubber game of the Mayor’s Cup Series.

The only thing of note is the heavy doses of hyperbole throughout the column.

Yank on This

Not to walk all over what Roger wrote, but The CHB's Sunday column is guilty of premature evacuation.

How many times have this group of Yankees been written off as too old, too overpaid, too hurt, too well, too anything? And yet all they do is win:

1996	New York Yankees
1997	Baltimore Orioles
1998	New York Yankees
1999	New York Yankees
2000	New York Yankees
2001	New York Yankees
2002	New York Yankees
2003	New York Yankees
2004	New York Yankees
2005	New York Yankees††
2006	New York Yankees
2007	Boston Red Sox
2008	Tampa Bay Rays
2009	New York Yankees
2010	Tampa Bay Rays
2011	New York Yankees
2012	New York Yankees

That's 13 times in 17 years, in case you are wondering.

Then there's the Blue Jays. So what, exactly, makes them such a slam-dunk for the AL East this year? The addition of three players from the last-place Miami Marlins? Good luck.

It's Never Over!

Shank's Sunday column laments the current state of the Red Sox - Yankees rivalry.

I had this image in my head during the papal conclave. Gathered with holy men from around the globe, there was a cardinal from Boston and a cardinal from New York. Sean O’Malley and Timothy Dolan. I wondered if our guy and their guy might get into it — right in the middle of the Sistine Chapel. A little good-natured Red Sox-Yankees ribbing. Maybe an unholy chant would break out in Latin.

But no.

The rivalry as we knew it is over. It’s no longer an issue of which team will finish first and which one will settle for the wild card.

The question now is, “Who are you going to pick to finish in last place — the Red Sox or the Yankees?’’

The column's a decent summary of the American League East as it's shaping up for the start of the season next week.

The Book Tour Continues - III

It looks like Shank lit the room up a few days ago on another leg of his book tour.

Melrose, Mass. — Author and journalist Dan Shaughnessy paid a visit to the Melrose Public Library Tuesday night to talk about his latest book, “Francona: The Red Sox Years.”

The event was part of the Author’s Corner, an ongoing program that brings adult and children’s authors to the Melrose library for book readings. (Click here to view the full photo gallery.)

Shaughnessy, a Boston Globe sports columnist, shared stories from the nonfiction piece he co-wrote with former Boston Red Sox manager Terry “Tito” Francona.

I'll just go with the interesting bits (my emphasis in italics):

Shaughnessy, who approached the podium at 7:30 p.m., full of energy and wit, spent the first part of the evening sitting in the audience, talking with guests.
...
Shaughnessy said he emailed Francona the day he was fired from the Red Sox about the possibility of a book deal.
...
“There’s one we like about Manny Ramirez,” said Shaughnessy. “We all know Manny was just an interesting guy. There’s one where they’re in the World Series in game four against the Cardinals. Manny’s at the plate and an argument ensues…Terry pulls Manny aside and says ‘what’s going on’ and Manny said, ‘he says I’m stealing his signs.’ Terry said, ‘Manny doesn’t even know our signs!’”
...
Around 8 p.m., Shaughnessy took a half hour to answer questions from the audience.

One guest wondered if Francona would ever return to manage the Red Sox.

“No, they’re mad at him,” Shaughnessy said, adding that Red Sox owner John Henry would not answer one of Francona’s emails when they were writing the book.

Shaughnessy, who used to be close with Henry, couldn’t offer an explanation for the team owner’s behavior, stating Henry doesn’t respond to his emails anymore either.
...
Another fan asked if Shaughnessy regrets anything he wrote about Francona prior to his current relationship with the man.

“I was never harsh towards him,” Shaughnessy said. “He would get mad but there was nothing we couldn’t get past. I really liked him and I love him now.”

Asking The Stupid Questions - II

The NFL has changed the tuck rule, which many of us Patriots fans remember. Shank, naturally, takes a negative view of this rule change.

So, now it can be asked: Was the Patriots dynasty built on a lie?

It was not built on a lie; it was 'built' because a rule that was in place when this game took place benefitted the Patriots. Other than an effort in self-serving controversy generation, I don't see the need to call or interpret this rule change as something nefarious or dishonest, or as an excuse to rewrite history.

OK, maybe that’s a little harsh. But the NFL rules committee on Wednesday eliminated the phony “Tuck Rule,” which means the team’s first championship never should have happened.

It really was a fumble, after all.

My off the cuff response - this is simply foolish. A rule was in the playbooks, and Woodson's tackle of Tom Brady resulted in an incomplete pass, and starting in 2013 this will result in a fumble / turnover. I think he's really reaching here; anything to take shots at the Patriots organization.

...
We can’t blame the Patriots for any of this.

After delegitimizing the Patriots when he led off the column...

All you can do is play within the rules as they are written. The Patriots didn’t manipulate the system. But Wednesday’s ruling validates what everybody knew all along: The Patriots got lucky. They got a second chance they never should have received. Tom Brady wasn’t trying to tuck the ball next to his body when he was hit. He simply fumbled it and the Patriots should have lost that game to the Raiders.

The rest of the column, however, turns into interesting speculation:

What if there had never been a Tuck Rule? Maybe Brady wouldn’t be the best quarterback of all time. Maybe Tom never would have met Gisele. Maybe Bill Belichick would be working in a TV studio with Eric Mangini and Charley Casserly. Maybe Bob Kraft would have gone back to a life of corrugated cardboard. Maybe Patriot Place would be a parking lot. Think of how we’d all miss CBS Scene.

If I remember correctly, Giselle introduced herself to Tom after a home game, maybe in 2005. Does she pursue him, say, if he only won two Super Bowls instead of three? Inquiring minds want to know!

And I wonder why he keeps at it with his criticism and cheap shots with CBS Scene. Granted I've never been or dined there, but I'm willing to bet Shank gets half his meals comped at one of / the restaurant there, so why's he bitching?

Feeling The Heat

After watching last night's game between the Miami Heat and the Boston Celtics, Shank reflexively thinks of earlier times, like his favorite decade, the 1970's:

When it’s about NBA history, it always goes back to the Boston Celtics, the Los Angeles Lakers, and . . . Wilt Chamberlain.

The Miami Heat Monday night won their 23d consecutive game, recovering from a 13-point deficit in the final eight minutes in a spectacular 105-103 showcase triumph on the parquet floor. This was blood-and-thunder basketball for the full 48, easily the most entertaining game of the Causeway season. Subbing for Kevin Garnett, Jeff Green lit up the New Garden for 43 points, but it was not enough to keep the Heat from extending their winning streak.

Miami now trails only the 1971-72 Lakers, who won 33 in a row. Those Lakers had a center named Chamberlain. The Heat have the latter-day Wilt and his name is King LeBron James.

After a few paragraphs of discussing the actual game, Shank then proceeds to 1) piss off Celtics fans and 2) show an interesting interpretation of great NBA players:

Nobody around here likes to admit it, but Wilt was the greatest player in NBA history (sorry, ESPN, we know you kind of like Michael Jordan). We all know that Bill Russell was the greatest winner, but Wilt retired with all the individual records. He averaged 50 points a game in a season. Rules were changed to limit Chamberlain’s dominance. He was 7 feet 1 inch of muscle and athleticism.

LeBron reminds me of Wilt. Maybe it’s the headband. Maybe it’s the muscular frame. Maybe it’s the delight we take in seeing LeBron­ lose. That’s the way it was watching Wilt.

We know Wilt liked to score, but wasn't the knock on Wilt that he couldn't win the big games, and Russell could? Give me Russell or Jordan over Wilt any day, or when Game 7 of a playoff series is on the line.

Quote Of The Day

Shank, on Comcast Sports New England a few minutes ago (with Bob Ryan & Damien Amendolara) - "Our knowledge of hockey could fit into a thimble."

Waaah, Waaah, Welker

Don't let the loss of Wes Welker fool you, as that's not why Shaughnessy's crying today. He's moaning that once again Bill Belichick is getting away with something by not commenting on Welker's free-agency bolt to Denver, and that the Patriot players are lining up (and closing mouths) in support of their coach and their culture.

Culture is not something The CHB understands (unless you count drinking at The Fours until your hair turns all red and curly). Proof: He has spent three decades demeaning every African-American, Hispanic or other non-Caucasian who walked onto the field at Fenway as prima donnas and selfish and not team players. But in football, where putting the team ahead of yourself actually matters, he takes the opposite stance. Keep in mind that Welker violated Belichick's philosophy by whining about the play-calling last season and also by making fun of Jets coach Rex Ryan a few years back in an interview (although, unlike Shank, Welker is funny).

And as for comparing a slot receiver who was not the face of the franchise to a long-retired baseball catcher who personified his club ... well, only The CHB.

The Book Tour Continues

I'm thinking prime heckling opportunities:

Sports writer Dan Shaughnessy heads to The Music Hall's Writers in the Loft series with his “bombshell” of a book, “Francona: The Red Sox Years,” on Wednesday, April 10. The 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. events both include an author presentation and moderated Q+A plus book signing meet-and-greet and will be held at the Music Hall Loft at 131 Congress St., Portsmouth.

New England's award-winning Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy visits the Loft to talk about his latest, a New York Times bestseller co-authored with former Red Sox Manager Terry Francona. Experience the triumph and heartbreak felt by generations of fans with this all-access pass that takes readers from Fenway's locker room to the owners' suite.

Who Is He Kidding?

For the second time in two weeks, former Red Sox outfielder Carl Crawford complained about his treatment by our wonderfully kind and compassionate local sports media while a member of the Sox. Shank ridiculously takes exception to Crawford's comments.

Last week Carl told Danny Knobler of CBSsports.com, “I took so much of a beating in Boston, I don’t think anything could bother me anymore . . . They love it when you’re miserable. Burying people in the media, they think that makes a person play better. That media was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.’’

Any of you scratching your head over this one?

Let’s start with the fact that Carl gladly signed a seven-year, $142 million contract and delivered nothing. He was never the player that he had been when he played against the Sox. He was soft and often injured. He didn’t hit, didn’t get on base, didn’t steal bases, and became a subpar defender. It was all bad.

And despite all that, we cut him slack. Fans and media. We pumped his tires. We noted how much he cared, how hard he tried. We discouraged booing the guy. Poor Carl. Don’t blame him.

Dan Shaughnessy, cutting Crawford some slack, April 21, 2011:

Who’s at shortstop today? Who’s behind the plate? Where’s Waldo Crawford hitting? Who is leadoff man du jour? It’s a New England parlor game, from Eastport to Block Island.
Yesterday, Marco “Wally Pipp’’ Scutaro was back at short and banged out a couple of hits. Jed Lowrie played third base and hit his third homer in five games. No. 7 hitter Crawford actually knocked in a run. Leadoff man of the hour J.D. Drew homered. Jason Varitek caught Clay Buchholz while Jarrod Saltalamacchia sat.

Dan Shaughnessy, cutting Crawford some slack, April 24, 2011:

It was embarrassing seeing Crawford batting eighth last night. We are 20 games into the season and poor Carl has already batted first, second, third, seventh, and eighth. He’s certainly the first $142 million No. 8 hitter in baseball history (not counting Alex Rodriguez in the 2006 playoffs). Crawford has left an astounding number of runners on third base, but got a break Friday night when the Angels’ flossy center fielder, Peter Bourjos, dropped a sky-high shot with runners on second and third and two out in the fourth.

Dan Shaughnessy, cutting Crawford some slack, August 18, 2011:

Four losses in five games. Nine hits and three runs in 27 innings over two days at home against the Rays. David Ortiz is wearing a ski boot on his right foot and Carl Crawford is harder to find than Albert Haynesworth.

Dan Shaughnessy, cutting Crawford some slack and reminding readers of Crawford's contract, July 29, 2012:

Carl Crawford, the man with the $142 million contract, was not in Boston’s lineup against CC Sabathia.

Dan Shaughnessy, cutting Crawford some slack again on July 29, 2012:

No. Curt Schilling, Pedro Martinez, Derek Lowe, and Johnny Damon are not walking through that door. You now have tin soldiers Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, and Jacoby Ellsbury.

Maybe Shank means 'cutting him some slack' in a relative sense:

I know this will be hard for some of you to believe, but I, myself, have at times been harsh. When Robert Parish struggled through a brief playoff slump, I called him, “Basketball’s Mr. October.’’ Sox reliever Steve Crawford was “as effective as a sack of doorknobs.’’ For refusing to acknowledge a bunt sign, Jose Offerman was characterized as a “piece of junk’’ (OK, over the line on that one).

How about calling David Ortiz "a sad sack of you know what"? Was that over the line? But it's all good - because all Boston sportswriters do it!

It happens. We are tough on professional athletes in this town. Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, and Wade Boggs all were ripped here and all are enshrined in Cooperstown. Nomar Garciaparra was ripped (only at the end). Manny Ramirez was ripped (only when he quit). Pedro Martinez was rightfully colored as a “diva,” and Roger Clemens was regularly insulted. Comparing the amazing skill sets of Messrs. Clemens and Martinez, I wrote, “On top of everything else, Pedro Martinez even speaks better English than Roger Clemens.’’

...

But absolutely none of this poison was spilled on Carl Crawford. Zero.

I guess Shank has a point. It could have been worse, Carl - you could have been the next sack of you know what!

Shank, Rask and Living in the Past

Tuukka Rask is 12-2 and off to perhaps the best start in the NHL outside of Chicago.

So naturally, The CHB wants to talk about Rask's performance. In the playoffs. In 2011.

Much like Satan, The CHB is living in the past. Check the calendar, dude. It's 2013.

Now Get Off My Lawn!

The NCAA men's basketball tournament is fast approaching, and Shank gives the subject the contemporary treatment it deserves.

Just kidding! Shank instead goes back nearly four decades to his favorite decade (the Seventies) to let today's young whippersnappers know how good they have it now:

We will hear the noise a week from Sunday night when the NCAA men’s basketball draw is announced. Bubble teams will cry foul. Schools with double-digit losses will claim they were “snubbed” by the tournament selection committee.

Please.

You want to hear about a worthy team that didn’t make it to the NCAA Tournament? Hop into the wayback machine and let me tell you about the 1973-74 Maryland Terrapins.

They might have been the best team in the country. They had three of the top 10 players in the nation. They had six NBA draft picks. They were ranked in the top five all season. In December, they lost a 1-point decision to Bill Walton’s defending champion UCLA Bruins (the team that won 88 straight).

Then they lost the final game of the Atlantic Coast Conference tournament, 103-100, in overtime to North Carolina State. Some have called it the greatest college basketball game ever played. Maryland shot 61 percent from the floor in the losing effort.

The Wolfpack, led by David Thompson, went on to defeat UCLA in the Final Four, and won the NCAA championship.

All snark aside, this is a pretty good column; it's an example of the writer Shaughnessy is when he puts his mind to it.

Trash Day

When you see the words random thoughts associated with a Shank column, just take it to the curb.

Picked up pieces while waiting to find out if I’ve been fired by any radio station this week . . .

The photo of Dennis Rodman sitting with Kim Jong-un at a basketball exhibition in Pyongyang goes into the vault, alongside the photo of a zombie-esque Elvis Presley shaking hands with President Richard Nixon. Rodman’s “This Week” interview Sunday with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos was a stunning demonstration of the Worm’s stupidity.

The David Ortiz Achilles’ situation is especially alarming given that he sustained the injury rounding second base in front of a home run hit by Adrian Gonzalez. That’s like Tony Soprano straining his Achilles’ walking down the driveway to pick up the morning newspaper.

Or Shank straining a hamstring on his one mile run...

Red Sox brass must have loved it when Bobby Valentine ripped the BoSox last week. On the day that Mr. Wrap Inventor was named athletic director at Sacred Heart in Fairfield, Conn., Valentine was asked about the disaster of the 2012 Red Sox and said, “Connie Mack couldn’t have won with that team. I thought the things that went on were kind of silly most of the time, but I didn’t think it was that tough.’’

Did anybody ever storm the court at the old Worcester Auditorium when Holy Cross had Bob Cousy and an NCAA title back in 1947?

Hiding in Plain Sight

Several days since Shank's last column and we've been wondering where he was hiding out. As it turns out, on Internet TV!

The CHB discusses David Ortiz's aching Achilles with noted baseball hockey writer Kevin Paul-Dupont (love the hyphen, Kev!). (The CHB says they shouldn't rush Ortiz back. But just wait until May, when he says Big Papi's been dogging his return and how The Dominican Diva has been a bad influence.)

And then Kevin Paul-Dupont discusses the Bruins-Canadiens rivalry with noted hockey/baseball/football/basketball writer The CHB. Consensus: It's back. (It left?)

Such compelling drama! I was on the edge of my seat for the entire 18 seconds!

Litterbug

Finally, a practical use has been found for a Dan Shaughnessy column!

The Book Tour Continues

If you thought it was way too early for the unassisted triple play this baseball season, Shank pulled it off:

Dan Shaughnessy moved a few more copies of his best-selling book, “Francona: The Red Sox Years,” at a UNICEF event at Legal Sea Foods Harborside this week. (The Globe sports columnist is on the UNICEF board.) The crowd included fellow board member and Big Papi bride Tiffany Ortiz, Bill and Alli Achtmeyer, Comcast SportsNet New England’s Bill Bridgen, Jeannette Hsu-McSweeney, former Globe sportswriter Jackie MacMullan, and Legal Sea Foods boss Roger Berkowitz.

Hawk a few books, score a comped meal from Legal Seafoods and help out a charity? Livin' large...

Deliverance?

Look at the bright side, Mike - at least Shank is now talking about the 2013 Red Sox team and not, for example, mentioning chicken & beer nine hundred times, or John Henry's ownership of Liverpool FC, or the 2011 collapse, or half trashing Stephen Drew just because he's J.D. Drew's kid brother. I bet you didn't know this fun fact about the hick rednecks Drews' hometown :

The Drews grew up in Hahira, Ga., a town of fewer than 2,500 people. There’s an annual banjo-picking festival in Hahira.

No cheap cultural stereotyping or New England provincialism here...

The One in Which The CHB Admits to Being an Ass...

It was bound to happen.

When someone perpetually tries to take the opposite side of every perspective, they inevitably will end up contradicting themselves.

The CHB today completed the final tie of the knot by arguing that not only will Red Sox v. 2013 be lousy, but boring besides.

This after years of complaint about the home team for running out players who were surly (read: too African American), prima donnas (read: too Hispanic), media-unfriendly (Nomar, John Lackey, Josh Beckett), overpaid (read: everyone since Ted Williams) lacking in talent (David Ortiz, that "giant sack of you-know-what), drunk (Kevin Millar, Beckett), and fat (Clemens, Ortiz again, Beckett again, and every Hispanic not named Pedro Martinez).

Last year the team fielded an Opening Day lineup with no fewer than nine former All-Stars, and that wasn't enough. They were chicken-eating, beer guzzling prima donnas, and therefore they couldn't win. (Forget the record injuries.) This year, they are "good guys," but not talented enough. The saloon doors they keep a swingin'.

The CHB must believe that sweating out a mile a day is all it takes to be a professional athlete.

No, that's all it takes to be a professional ass.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XVIII

It just gets better and better over at Boston's boring broadsheet.

Blindsided Boston Globe employees — still reeling after The New York Times Co. put the Hub paper up for sale again — are slated to come face-to-face this morning with a top Gray Lady exec for the start of what could be a messy split, including the likely demand for contract talks from the paper’s 10 unions, insiders said.

Remember this the next time, or the last time these sanctimonious pricks lecture you about the 'sanctity' of the union movement.

“People are very nervous and scared, very scared,” said one longtime Globe staffer, who requested anonymity. Another compared the paper’s pending sale to “a divorce, a bad divorce.”

As opposed to a good divorce? You Globe idiots have had nearly a decade to extricate yourselves from this morass, and in your steadfast refusal to do so, I (and the reading audience) am now supposed to take pity on you poor souls? You're main Globe cheerleader on this site, 'Objective' Bruce bailed on you five years ago, and that wasn't enough of a sell signal? Spare me, you dumb bastards...

New York Times Co. vice-chairman Michael Golden — who was openly pushing to dump the beleaguered broadsheet — is expected to join Globe publisher Chris Mayer in a series of so-called “Town Hall” gatherings with staff.

Sold down the river. Good luck to you, dickheads.

I have not one ounce of sympathy for a newspaper who, over the thirty plus years I had the unfortunate circumstance to observe, denigrate, belittle and disparage nearly every major corporation, business entity and nearly all other manners of free enterprise except themselves, and now they are finally getting, in a manner of speaking, their just desserts. Once again, for one notable exception, I have no sympathy whatsoever for anyone there losing their jobs. Good riddance.

The Blame Game - II

Today's column has Shank in his element - casting blame for the performance of the 2012 Red Sox.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — The blame pie is big and heavy.

There’s a giant slice for Bobby Valentine. We all know Bobby’s the reason everything went wrong with the 2012 Red Sox. Ownership gets three hefty slices. John, Tom, and Larry lost their way in the name of sellouts, bricks, and NESN ratings. Theo Epstein is a handy dartboard ornament. He gets a solid slice of blame pie. And we still love to blame Carl Crawford (“When he played against us, we hated him. When he played for us . . . we hated him”) and Adrian Gonzalez, a.k.a. “the Cooler.’’ Jon Lester and Josh Beckett are favorite punching bags. We still blame John Lackey even though he was on the disabled list all season.

Sometimes it seems that the only person who has escaped the blame is general manager Ben Cherington.

Truly amazing. Think back to the ridicule heaped on the genial and wonderful James Lou Gorman. Poor Lou was mocked from Nova Scotia to Block Island. Dan Duquette got the same treatment. We all loved it when Mo Vaughn referred to the Duke and John Harrington as “the joint chiefs of staff.’’

Anyone else out there think Shank was one of the people heaping ridicule on Gorman and Duquette?

Now we have gentle Ben, the Teflon GM. He has been with the Red Sox longer than just about anyone. He was working for the Red Sox before Theo. He was around for the world championships, and then he became GM when Theo left. His first move was overruled; Cherington tried to hire Dale Sveum as Sox manager after the 2011 collapse. Larry Lucchino insisted on Bobby Valentine, and the rest is hardball history. The Red Sox had their worst season since 1965.

And who never gets blamed?

Ben Cherington, that’s who.

I'm pretty sure that'll change, say a good four game losing streak and Shank will be all over Ben like white on rice.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XVII

Alternate post title - FIRE SALE!!

The New York Times Co. announced today it plans to sell the Boston Globe and the rest of its New England Media Group.

Be gone!

You know how Patriots coach Bill Belichick's press conferences are often described as coach speak? Behold - corporate speak, AKA steaming hot piles of bullshit:

“Our plan to sell the New England Media Group demonstrates our commitment to concentrate our strategic focus and investment on The New York Times brand and its slanted liberal journalism,” said Mark Thompson, president and CEO of The New York Times Co. in a prepared statement.

Mr. Thompson has his own set of problems.

“The Boston Globe and the Worcester Telegram & Gazette are outstanding newspapers and they and their related digital properties are well-managed leaders in their markets with real opportunities for future development. We are very proud of our association with the Globe and the Telegram & Gazette, but given the differences between these businesses and The New York Times, we believe that a sale is in the best long-term interests of these properties and the employees who work for them as well as in the best interests of our shareholders,” he added.

'Outstanding newspapers' is debatable; what they really are, are money-losing entities, which is why they're on the chopping block.

The Times Co. says it has retained investment firm Evercore Partners to manage the sales process. Evercore spokesman Dana Gorman said the firm would not have any further comment beyond the New York Times Co. statement.

That's because they don't yet know what the deal's worth, if anything.

Martin Callaghan, president of the Boston Pressmen’s Union, the group that prints the Globe, said he has only seen the company’s statement on the potential sale and the union is hoping to get more information from Globe management in the next few days.

“It’s caused a stir in the building, especially with the number of contracts that are open now,” Callaghan said. “I can only speak to my union. We have two contracts open. That’s raising some concerns.”

Face it, Marty - once the Globe is sold, your contracts will get torn up and you're all dead meat. I trust everyone's resumes are updated, right?

The New England Media Group consists of The Boston Globe, BostonGlobe.com, Boston.com, The Worcester Telegram & Gazette, Telegram.com, GlobeDirect — the Globe’s direct mail marketing company — and the Times Co.’s 49 percent interest in Metro Boston.

It’s not the first time the Times Co. has explored a sale of the Globe. In 2009, the company threatened to close the Globe but later backed off after employee unions agreed to millions in concessions including wage and benefit cuts and bids from prospective buyers were lower than anticipated.

Which apparently did little to stem the cash flow loss, which also explains today's announcement, and the resulting shitshow was entirely predictable three short years ago, for anyone who felt like running some numbers.

The New York Times Co. bought the Globe for $1.1 billion in 1993, at the time the highest price ever paid for a U.S. newspaper.

In the long run, an entity is worth one of two things: 1) whatever the immediate sale of all assets, less contractually obligated liabilities, is worth, or 2) the discounted value of all future cash flows. Since the Globe's been losing money hand over fist for years and years, causing longtime commenter 'Objective' Bruce to end his employment with the Globe when he took the buyout back in early 2008, the value assigned to option 2) is $0.00. Option 1) depends on the fire sale value of the assets less its liabilities. Without separate balance sheets and market values of the assets of the Globe and the Gazette, I'll opine that any bid for these entities over $10 million is foolish.

Or you could look at things another way - as noted above, the New York Times paid 1.1 billion for this 'asset', in which the best wet dream sale price for this 'asset' in 2013 might fetch $100 million from a sap purchaser too fucking stupid to figure out there's nothing of value here in the long run, unless he gets a bid accepted for far lower than that price, then converts 135 Morrissey Boulevard into dormitories for UMass-Boston, dumps the other assets and shitcans every Globe employee in the process, for which with one single exception I have no problem with whatsoever. The NYT then realizes a $1 billion loss, and we're supposed to expect the next guy to keep things running and actually turn a nickel on this piece of shit when it hasn't happened in a two decade timespan? It's not happening. Do not catch a falling knife. For you pro-union guys out there, read this, then we'll talk...

The Blame Game

Seems like Shank's stirring the pot again with his latest column, in which everything that has gone wrong and will go wrong will be blamed on former Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — A meteor exploded over Russia last Friday.

I’m pretty sure it was Bobby Valentine’s fault.

Blaming Bobby is the new parlor game here in southwest Florida. It’s all the rage. Alfredo Aceves pulls a nutty? Bobby was too easy on him last year. New relay drills? They have to fix what Bobby broke. If anyone gets into a fender-bender on Route 41, it’s probably Bobby Valentine’s fault.

David Ortiz kick-started the Bobby bashing last week (“Guys were not comfortable with the manager”) and soon was joined by Daniel Bard, who said he was more comfortable with “ . . . having a guy who I feel like I can trust.”

“I don’t pay any attention to that,’’ Valentine said Monday from somewhere in Vermont. “I’m a big boy. I don’t need that nonsense, nor do I need your article being a controversial situation with me making stupid comments.’’

It's a fairly common phenomenon - when things go wrong in any organization, blame it on the person you just canned, so this article isn't surprising. This, however, is:

Clay Buchholz has been singing the same song. Lester didn’t take the bait, but we all know he was done with Bobby after Valentine left Lester on the mound to take a beating at the hands of the Blue Jays July 22.

'Take the bait' - turn of the phrase, or a tacit admission that Shank's just trying to rile people up?

You're Outta Here!

Shank's favorite Red Sox whipping post, Jacoby Ellsbury, is in the final year of his contract. Shank's 100 percent sure Ellsbury will test the free agent market when the 2013 season's over. So sure, in fact...

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Jacoby Ellsbury is the greatest flight risk in the history of baseball. There is no way he will be playing for the Red Sox next spring.

I’d bet my hair on it.

I tell him so in the clubhouse at JetBlue Park.

“Everybody knows you are gone,’’ I say. “If you’re still here next year, I’ll shave my head.’’

“Go for it,’’ says Ellsbury.

No problem. My hair is safe. Like everybody else around here, I know there is no chance Ellsbury will be with the Red Sox next year.

Nothing wrong with that. It’s just a fact.

Ellsbury is polite, but he’s weary of the contract question. It must be weird to go into a season when you know . . . and your teammates know . . . and all of the fans know that you are gone at the end of the year.

I don't quite buy these assertions, but Ellsbury's agent is Scott Boras, who's known for playing hardball and testing the free agent market (this is mentioned later in the column).

We know the negatives. Ellsbury gets hurt and he’s slow to come back from injuries. He missed 144 games with broken ribs in 2010. He injured his shoulder and missed 88 games last year. Both injuries were results of collisions from playing hard, but he’s stuck with the image of a pampered baseball softy.

It's difficult to understand exactly how Jacoby Ellsbury got stuck with the label of a pampered baseball softy. A complete mystery...