Name That Columnist!

Boston Red Sox DH David Ortiz is not too happy with past and present efforts to label him a cheater with respect to performance enhancing drugs (PED's). This being the age of the Internet, he fires back.

Further down the column he describes an encounter with a 'reporter' two years ago. It doesn't take Albert Einstein to figure out who the 'reporter' is (with an awesome new nickname for You Know Who):

In 2013, I came off the DL and started hot. My first 20 games I was hitting like .400. And the reporter with the red jheri curl from The Boston Globe comes into the locker room says, “You’re from the Dominican. You’re older. You fit the profile of a steroid user. Don’t you think you’re a prime suspect?”

He’s saying this with a straight face. I had taken like 70 at-bats. Anybody can get hot and hit .400 with 70 at-bats. I was stunned. I’m like, I’m Dominican? I fit the profile? Are you kidding me?

I wanted to kill this guy. But you can’t react. That’s what they want. They want you to get angry so they can bury you. So I just smiled at him and asked for his address.

“Why do you want my address?” he said. (that would be 58 Elmhurst Rd. in Newton - ed.)

“Because I just got tested two days ago.” I said. “I’ll mail you the f****ing results.”

This is a reporter from my own city coming to my locker and telling me I’m too good, that I must be on some shit. I’m sitting there thinking, Man, I get tested 10 times a year and I’ve helped win this town two World Series titles in 2004 and 2007 and this guy who has never played a game of professional baseball in his life is telling me I’m a suspect.

My test was clean just like the other 8 or 9 tests that season. My batting average settled down to .300, because of course it did. I hit like 30 home runs and we won the World Series. Was that acceptable for the reporter? Were my numbers too high for a player from the Dominican? Should I have taken another blood test before popping the damn champagne?

He never apologized.

Don't hold your breath waiting for one, Big Papi. You're definitely not the first guy he's tried to bury, and you won't be the last...

Old School Shank

Are you surprised when The CHB takes a thread and pulls it until the entire "I'm Not With Stupid, I AM Stupid" t-shirt unravels?

Not us.

As such, we didn't bat an eye (get it?) when Shank used an otherwise innocuous David Ortiz comment about how David Price should have been suspended for throwing at (and hitting) Red Sox batters after being warned as an opportunity to rehash every insult -- real and imagined -- that Big Papi allegedly has inflicted on the game.

Keep in mind that The CHB, by his own admission, is about the only one bothered by Papi's comments. Shank's anger over Manny Ramirez being feted as part of the 2004 World Series winners must be carrying over.

Ted Williams routinely disrupted his team, played middling defense, defied his managers and ignored baseball etiquette. Carl Yastrzemski attempted to start his own league, publicly ripped his teammates, was fined for not hustling, and used PEDs (greenies).

Here's what Jim Bouton wrote about Yaz in Ball Four:

Yastrzemski was recently fined $500 for loafing and I've been keeping an eye on him. Sure enough, he hit a ball to second base today and loafed all the way to first. I'm afraid Yastrzemski has a bit of dog in him. Always did, and people around baseball knew it all the time. When things are going good Yastrzemski will go all out. When things aren't going so well he'll give a half-ass effort. But he's got so much ability that the only thing you can do is put up with him. 

Sound familiar?

The CHB likes to pretend he's part of the (self-appointed) old school of baseball, guarding the keys to the kingdom and making unilateral determinations as to who is -- and who isn't -- "right" when it comes to playing America's Pastime.

But then again, Papi is Hispanic, and no one in sports today does old school racism like The CHB.

Halling Down

Today The CHB complains how the availability of better data actually makes voting for the Hall of Fame more difficult. (It doesn't.)

In fact, it makes things EASIER! Here's the CHB on Jack Morris: "The sun-starved stat geeks hate him because — according to the new metrics — winning games and pitching well in clutch situations is wildly overrated. His ERA (3.90) is too high."

Pitching well in the clutch, eh? Well, one of those sun-starved stat geeks actually sat down and looked at every single Jack Morris start over his career, inning by inning, and he found, empirically,

1. No pattern in when Jack Morris allowed runs.
2. Morris was "at his worst" in one-run and tied games. "In fact," writes Joe Sheehan, "that looks like what you might find in a theoretical 'unclutch' pitcher, someone who chokes when the game is close."

Then there's Shank's timeless "character" complaint, the dreaded "Rule 5," which dictates voters take into account the player's integrity, sportsmanship and character.

As if Ted Williams never popped a greenie. As if Gaylord Perry didn't throw a spitter.

Btw, he is voting for Jack Morris, Curt Schilling, Frank Thomas, Tom Glavine, and Greg Maddux. So in short, he says that baseball's all-time leader in home runs and the No. 3 leader in strikeouts, among others, are not worthy, because they cheated (PEDs) but neither are Jeff Bagwell and Mike Piazza because they looked like they might have cheated. Huh. (Neither Bagwell nor Piazza ever failed a drug test but you know who did get busted for steroids? Manny Alexander -- all 5'10, 150 lb. of him.)

Indeed, it would take one of those sun-starved stat geeks to explain Shank's rationale, which is off-the-charts bad. He doesn't vote for Craig Biggio, since he had only one 200-hit season (Yaz and Williams combined for 0). He doesn't vote for Mike Mussina (he always pitched for good teams), while ignoring that Jack Morris also always pitched for good teams. You can't make this up.

Btw, Dan, you look like you could use a good tanning session or three yourself. Maybe time to find a nice beer garden? I'm sure someone will save your stool at The Fours.

Libel & Slander?

I'm kicking myself for not posting a prediction on Shank's next column last night, as it seemed to me almost too easy to predict this self-righteous column. Funny how a baseball writer can spend the entire part of the previous decade ignoring the likes of McGwire, Sosa and Bonds, and now takes a sudden interest in PED's.

Just call him Lyin’ Ryan.

In the pantheon of sports dirtbags, Ryan Braun goes down as one of the worst. He forever will be a baseball pariah.

Unfortunately that’s not enough. The disgraced Milwaukee Brewer got off easy. He deserved at least a one-year suspension. Probably more. I’d have been OK with a lifetime ban, which may be what’s coming for Alex Rodriguez.

As I was reading this column, I wondered if Shank would double down on his questioning of a certain Red Sox player earlier this year; and, sure enough:

It’s only going to get worse. At this hour, the Red Sox are engaged in a playoff hunt that no doubt involves players who someday will serve suspensions for their involvement with Biogenesis. You can guess some of their names and some of them already have prior positive tests. It makes you think twice about the “action” unfolding from now through October.

I wonder if Shank somehow got a list of names about the players involved in the Biogenesis matter? As of today, there are five names linked to this matter, none of whom are on the Red Sox roster.

I don't think it takes Albert Einstein to figure out who he's talking about. Good thing he didn't use his name in this article, or the Globe would be sued into bankruptcy.

Picked Up Pablum

Shank could have used some positive, hometown themes with his most recent column; he had the opportunity to write about the Red Sox and their recent five game winning streak, or he could have chosen to get near his quota of yearly Bruins games by writing about yesterday's 5-2 thumping of the New York Rangers.

Instead, he used the guise of yet another underwhelming picked up pieces column in an attempt to justify his May 11th column all but accusing David Ortiz of using performance enhancing drugs:

Facts, not opinions: According to Major League Baseball, there have been 636 professional players suspended for violating MLB’s drug policies since 2005. Two hundred and thirty-four of those 636 are from the Dominican Republic. That’s 37 percent. Players from the Dominican Republic made up 10.4 percent (89 of 856) of Opening Day rosters in 2013. Of 38 positive tests involving major league players, 13 players (34 percent) hailed from the DR. This doesn’t mean all Dominican players use steroids. It means the steroid issue is significant in the DR. Some of you old-timers might remember a time when East German swimmers were more likely to test positive for banned substances than other swimmers. An exhaustive ESPN.com report from 2009 (headlined “Steroid problem reaches critical mass in the DR”) stated, “According to numbers provided by MLB, in 2004, the inaugural year of drug testing in the Dominican Summer League, 11 percent of teenage prospects signed by major league clubs tested positive.’’

I'm pretty sure the only relevant fact here is this - did David Ortiz use PED's this year? Big Papi himself reported a random drug test conducted on the same day (May 11th) of the original column. Unless Shank has some undisclosed inside information, I don't see the logic of this portion of the column, which is nothing more than a defense of the May 11th column. Since Ortiz has every motivation to shut Shank up, we'll have to wait until Big Papi's test results come out.

Last Red Sox Bridge Burned

... or was it nuked? When Tom Werner, Red Sox chairman, feels compelled to respond to Shank's column on Wednesday all but accusing David Ortiz of using performance enhancing drugs, you're pretty much blacklisted.

Wednesday, the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy suggested that David Ortiz might be using performance-enhancers because "it is not natural for a guy to hit .426 out of the gate."

He said that David's 27-game hitting streak was suspect, in part, because older players "do not get better" and, most disturbing to me, because he is from the Dominican Republic.

The story soon became Topic A on talk shows, on ESPN.com and on NESN. In fact, Wednesday night, Tim Wakefield was drawn into the conversation and tried to restore order by saying, "I'm tired of people pointing fingers because somebody is doing well. David is producing because he is a great hitter."

The swirling story prompted Ortiz, after going 0-for-5, to tweet, "End of my hitting streak tonight, the season still going and I hope Dan Shaughnessy is a happy man now. ... Not more .426 enjoy it."

Earlier last week, a Toronto radio host accused Clay Buchholz of doctoring pitches. He made this claim despite the fact that no Major League player that Buchholz faced this April had made any such suggestion regarding how Clay had pitched this year. Instead of Boston celebrating Buchholz's 1.60 ERA, we had to read and hear these charges, which went viral. Clay was naturally frustrated and had to issue this comment, "To have somebody say that I'm out there cheating is doing me an injustice."

I fully acknowledge the right the media has to ask difficult questions and to express controversial opinions. Freedom of the press is fundamental in our culture.

They had the right, but was it right?

We're in a new media world, and fact-less accusations stick.

Those who publicly ask questions must take responsibility for their words.

Don't hold your breath waiting for that...

Hall No! Shank Won't Go

Woe is Dan: He has to vote for the Hall of Fame.

OK, so that's not exactly true. He can resign from the BWAA. Or he could send in a blank ballot.
But whining about it is easier, not to mention more fun! So let's hear what The CHB has to say:

• "I voted for Jack Morris, Tim Raines, Alan Trammell, and Curt Schilling."

Three out of four right ain't bad. Morris didn't totally suck, but he's the classic case of voters looking at what he was *capable* of versus what he actually did. So go on.

• "I did not vote for the greatest home run hitter of all-time. I did not vote for a guy who won 354 games and seven Cy Young trophies. I did not vote for a guy who hit 60 or more homers in a season three times. I did not vote for a catcher who hit 427 home runs. I did not vote for a first basemen who hit 449 home runs. I did not vote for a guy who hit 569 homers and cracked 3,020 hits."

So that means no Bonds, Clemens, Sosa, Piazza, Bagwell, Palmeiro or McGwire. To support his passing off the buck, The CHB trots out the least respected and most ignored criteria for the Hall: The player’s character.

Keep in mind that the Hall includes Ty Cobb (racist), Grover Alexander (drunk), Mickey Mantle (drunk), Gaylord Perry (self-avowed cheater), Babe Ruth (gambler, drunk), Paul Molitor (drug user), Ferguson Jenkins (ditto), Don Sutton (doctored the balls), Enos Slaughter (racist) ... the list goes on and on. And that doesn't begin to count all the guys who used greenies, uppers, amphetamines and other performance-enhancing drugs not called HGH or steroids. But no matter. It's OK to want to string a guy up for the color of his skin, but not OK to use a drug that has never been proved to make any difference.

Evidence of PED use doesn't matter to him, The CHB acknowledges. And, because he's not voting for the best players, talent doesn't matter either.

Which is something Shank knows all too well.