Stayin' Alive And Hijacking The Bandwagon - II

For the first time since this Blogger site was founded (September 18, 2005), Blogger has flagged a post of ours and put it elsewhere, forcing readers to click on a link and read the post in its entirety. This was done without my knowledge or consent. The only information I have right now is that "This post was put behind a warning for readers because it contains sensitive content as outlined in Blogger’s Community Guidelines." I have read the Blogger 'Community Guidelines' and determined my most recent posts contained no such 'sensitive content', ambiguous as that phrase is. For what it's worth, I've seen worse posted here. I have requested a review of this situation as noted in this 'Community Guidelines' warning and we'll see where that gets me. In the meantime, I will post it again, with two words altered, as they may have been the items causing deep offense with the censors at Google Blogger:

The Boston Celtics beat the Philadelphia 76'ers yesterday in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference semifinals. Shank's there with a cliche filled column chock full of Shankisms:

Celtics did not go the way of Bruins and the spring hopes of a championship remain alive

Fear not, Boston sports fans. The Celtics aren’t going the way of the Bruins, who dropped out of sight quickly in Boston’s playoff spring of hope and expectation.

The sons of Red Auerbach and Bill Russell Sunday advanced to the NBA’s final four with a pulsating, 112-88 Game 7 thrashing of the Philadelphia 76ers. Jayson Tatum scored an NBA Game 7 record 51 points in a Mother’s Day celebration of Love & Basketball at TD Garden.

Your fabled hoop franchise will take on the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals starting Wednesday on Causeway Street. It’s always a mistake to get ahead of ourselves in these matters, but ... who can resist? If the favored Celtics beat the Heat, there’s a fair chance we’ll get Boston-LA in the NBA Finals, a renewal of Russell vs. Chamberlain, Bird vs. Magic, and Pierce vs. Kobe.

The Celtics are in this position because Tatum channeled his inner Bird/Sam Jones and buried the Sixers with a hail of 3-point heaves and Globetrotter drives to the basket. After struggling in Games 4, 5, and 6 of the series (Tatum shot 0 for 19 in the first quarter of those three games), he lit up the scoreboard and came within 3 points of John Havlicek’s franchise-playoff-best 54 points against the Hawks in 1973.

More bullshit and b*ll $ucking at the link.

Stayin' Alive And Hijacking The Bandwagon

The Boston Celtics beat the Philadelphia 76'ers yesterday in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference semifinals. Shank's there with a cliche filled column chock full of Shankisms:

Celtics did not go the way of Bruins and the spring hopes of a championship remain alive

Fear not, Boston sports fans. The Celtics aren’t going the way of the Bruins, who dropped out of sight quickly in Boston’s playoff spring of hope and expectation.

The sons of Red Auerbach and Bill Russell Sunday advanced to the NBA’s final four with a pulsating, 112-88 Game 7 thrashing of the Philadelphia 76ers. Jayson Tatum scored an NBA Game 7 record 51 points in a Mother’s Day celebration of Love & Basketball at TD Garden.

Your fabled hoop franchise will take on the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals starting Wednesday on Causeway Street. It’s always a mistake to get ahead of ourselves in these matters, but ... who can resist? If the favored Celtics beat the Heat, there’s a fair chance we’ll get Boston-LA in the NBA Finals, a renewal of Russell vs. Chamberlain, Bird vs. Magic, and Pierce vs. Kobe.

The Celtics are in this position because Tatum channeled his inner Bird/Sam Jones and buried the Sixers with a hail of 3-point heaves and Globetrotter drives to the basket. After struggling in Games 4, 5, and 6 of the series (Tatum shot 0 for 19 in the first quarter of those three games), he lit up the scoreboard and came within 3 points of John Havlicek’s franchise-playoff-best 54 points against the Hawks in 1973.

More bullshit and ball sucking at the link.

Shank's Annual Boston Bruins Column

Nothing like a little bandwagon hijacking where the Bruins are concerned:

They’re responding to a new coach, have a former MVP on the third line, and plenty of locker room leadership. No wonder the Bruins can’t lose.

The Bruins were already good. Then they changed coaches and got better. Now they are playing the best hockey in the NHL.

How did this happen?

There was a lot of negativity on Causeway Street when Cam Neely and Don Sweeney fired Bruce Cassidy in June. The demanding Cassidy, a fan favorite, had coached 399 games and taken the Bruins to the playoffs in six straight seasons. He came within one game of winning the franchise’s seventh Stanley Cup in 2019.

But Jake DeBrusk didn’t like Cassidy and asked to be traded. Brandon Carlo told The Athletic he felt “beat down” by Cassidy. David Krejci went home to Czechia for the 2021-22 season.

In true millennial fashion, player empowerment trumped player accountability. So Cassidy was fired, Sweeney explaining that the coach’s style “takes its toll.”

“I had a long history with Bruce,” Sweeney said before the Bruins’ 3-1 victory over Tampa Bay Tuesday. “I respect the hell out of him. He’s a fantastic coach. But sometimes you just take the pulse of where your team is at and where you think you can get to, and you make a really tough decision. This was difficult.”

We'll see how long two things hold up - the Bruins' record and Shank's non-hostile treatment of the team.

The One Where Shank Pretends To Like The 2019 Boston Red Sox

Honest, guys & gals - this one was really written by Shank, I promise!

DAN SHAUGHNESSY

The Red Sox are back, and for many of us, that means life is better

SEATTLE — The Red Sox open their season Thursday at T-Mobile Park, and Chris Sale will get the ball as they attempt to become the first major league team since the 1998-2000 New York Yankees to win back-to-back World Series.

Life is good.

For many of us, life is better when there is baseball.

Reading further into this column, it's clear to me that a lot of it is a jumbled mess of contradictions interspersed with enough factoids to dodge such a label. Given that part of the current DSW motto is 'to put as much effort into our posts as Shank does with his columns', you can likely figure it out for yourselves.

That said, let's make no mistake about this - Shank is pretending to like the 2019 Boston Red Sox, whereas many of his columns during the previous season clearly gave the opposite impression, so take this one with a huge grain or two of salt.

The One That Got Away

This column just showed up in Shank's Globe timeline. It was written just before the Patriots / Jets game on Sunday, and for the most part a decent Shank columm.

NEW YORK — I am feeling a little sorry for the Big Apple on this pre-Christmas weekend.

Christmas in Gotham is always a treat. We’ve got folks skating in Rockefeller Center, drinking hot chocolate, talking about miracles on 34th Street. You can go to Macy’s Santaland, or watch the American Ballet Theatre’s performance of “The Nutcracker” at the Gilman Opera House.

Too bad you can’t find any good professional sports teams.

Wow. After all these years of arguing with our New York friends, most of that thrill is gone. Think kids at Boston University or NYU still argue about Celtics vs. Knicks, Red Sox vs. Mets, or (gulp) Patriots vs. Jets?

Let’s go down the list:

That's all well and good, but let's look at a couple of semi-interesting descriptors:

The 11-3, Super Bowl-bound Patriots storm the Meadowlands on Sunday in a game that serves nicely as Rex Ryan’s opening farewell to Jets fans.
...
The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl and the Jets are one more sad franchise in New York’s losing state of mind.

It's worth pointing out the before and after ever-so-slight change of attitude after the close Patriots win over the Jets on Sunday. There's rarely any middle ground with Shank.

Back On The Bruins Bandwagon

There are sure signs of spring in Boston - the sun is out, birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, and Dan Shaughnessy climbs back on the Bruins Bandwagon after a first round playoff series win.

Thank you, Bruins, we needed that win

We?

The Day After was almost as much fun as the Night Before.

"I mean, I had a column half written when I was going to compare Claude Julien to Grady Little and everything! That was fun too!"

You could not tend to daily business without talking or hearing about the Bruins’ Game 7 miracle comeback Monday night at the Garden.

Where were you when they fell behind the Maple Leafs, 4-1, in the third? Did you (gulp) leave the game? Did you turn off the TV and go to bed? Did you sit up with new hope when Nathan Horton scored to cut it to 4-2 with 11:22 left? Did you wake your kids when the Bruins tied it with two goals in 31 seconds in the final 1:22? Did you have trouble getting to sleep after the epic comeback? Did you get calls, texts, and e-mails from friends and relatives around the country?

Everyone, it seemed, had a story. Everyone had an opinion. Everyone had hope. Everyone was buoyed by the Bruins.

The words 'we' and 'us' are used conspicuously throughout the article, which is your surest sign that Shank's back on board, at least until next week. Other than Shank's shameless bandwagon hijacking, it's a decent column. Better get those leaf springs checked out!

Hacktastic!

There is no doubt whatsoever that Mike's excerpt below is precisely what Shank wanted to write after Game 7 of the Leafs - Bruins series. Actual events have a nasty habit of upsetting the apple cart:

It was only a first-round series, against a team that hasn’t won a playoff series in nine years.

It was not Bobby Orr scoring to win a Stanley Cup championship. Or Adam Vinatieri splitting the uprights at the Superdome. Or coming back from a 3-0 deficit against the Yankees.

But it was one of the great moments in Boston sports history. In a pulsating Game 7 against the Toronto Maple Leafs Monday night, the Bruins trailed, 4-1, with 11 minutes left, but rallied to tie the game (two goals in the final 1:22 of regulation), then beat the Maple Leafs, 5-4, in overtime on a goal by Patrice Bergeron. Bergeron’s follow-up shot in the sixth minute of OT pushed the Black and Gold to a second-round series against the New York Rangers.

And what's a column about the Bruins without yet another comparison to the Red Sox?

The Bruins were done. They were Toronto toast. They were going down hard. They were going to be scorned. Julien was going to be Grady Little (there's still time for that one, Shank! - ed) and the Bruins were going to be the Manila Folders of ice. They were going to exit from the playoffs in a seventh game for the fifth time in six seasons. They were going to blow a 3-1 series lead. We were going to have the sounds of silence at TD Garden.

That's Our Man Shank - rooting for the loss!

Overreaction - II

Shank trashed the 2012 Boston Red Sox for the entire playing year and the past offseason. Now that the 2013 Red Sox have a two game winning streak? Best. team. Evah!

NEW YORK — They may never lose.

They may never trail.

Worst to first. Two games into the season, this is the theme of the 2013 Red Sox.

And is it possible for Jackie Bradley Jr. to be the Face of the Franchise after only two games in the big leagues?

That depends - how many column inches you have on him so far?

Pump some air into the Duck Boat tires. Get going with the 2013 commemorative bricks. Maybe the phony sellout streak will live longer than we thought.

That's right, folks - Bandwagon Dan changed his tune on the current version of the Olde Town Team from last place laughingstock to write-in World Series favorite in under two weeks.

Do I even have to ask what Shank will be writing with the first three game losing streak?

The Houston Schaubs?

Shank is taking the fine art of douchebaggery to a whole new level with this column (emphasis mine):

FOXBOROUGH — The Waltz of the Tomato Cans was everything we expected.

The Patriots defeated the Houston Texans, 41-28, Sunday in the first de facto preseason playoff game in NFL history.

I’m exaggerating, of course. This was not an exhibition football game. This was a certified NFL playoff contest, and the victory elevates the Patriots to the AFC Championship game Sunday night at Gillette Stadium against the Baltimore Ravens. The Bill Belichick-Tom Brady tandem has a chance to win a fourth Super Bowl in 12 seasons.

The Patriots beat the Ravens in the AFC title game last season and lost a 1-point decision to Baltimore in September. Sunday’s rematch could be the final curtain for Baltimore’s Ray Lewis and would give the Patriots a chance to avenge Super Bowl losses in 2008 and 2012. We’ve got great drama, all around.

But Sunday’s victory over the Houston Schaubs didn’t tell us much about the Patriots. The Sons of Belichick were weak on special teams, failed to keep their foot on the Texans’ throats, and have lost All-World tight end Rob Gronkowski for the rest of the season.

All In

In today's column, Shank continues his I Heart The Patriots Tour.

Tom Brady knows.

You could hear it when he spoke after Monday night’s 42-14 beatdown of the previously 11-1 Houston Texans. And again Wednesday.

Brady knows this is the year. He knows that this Patriots team has an opportunity to finish what the 2007 team and the 2011 team started. The 2012 Patriots have positioned themselves to win Super Bowl XLVII on Feb. 3 at the Superdome in New Orleans.

Shank fills out the column with the obligatory man crush fluff:

He looked truly happy.

Why not? Tom Brady is the personification of “Living the Dream.’’ He has two healthy sons and a newborn daughter. He is better looking than George Clooney, has more money than Jay Gatsby, and is married to the highest-earning model in the world.

He can pull off anything. Who else could promote men’s UGG boots and live to talk about it?

Mark Wahlberg — another guy who Has It All — visited the Patriots’ sideline before Monday night’s rout. Marky Mark is wealthy, famous, accomplished, and has a picture-perfect family. He was “The Fighter.’’ He invented “Entourage.’’ He is the executive producer of “Boardwalk Empire,’’ one of the best television series of all time.

And like everybody else, Mark Wahlberg wishes he was Tom Brady.

You'd think some people would be embarassed writing shit like that last sentence. You'd also think some people would be embarassed with the obviously transparent jump on the bandwagon in the midst of a winning streak when it was less than a month ago he was finding fault with the Patriots in any manner possible.