The Blame Game

Seems like Shank's stirring the pot again with his latest column, in which everything that has gone wrong and will go wrong will be blamed on former Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — A meteor exploded over Russia last Friday.

I’m pretty sure it was Bobby Valentine’s fault.

Blaming Bobby is the new parlor game here in southwest Florida. It’s all the rage. Alfredo Aceves pulls a nutty? Bobby was too easy on him last year. New relay drills? They have to fix what Bobby broke. If anyone gets into a fender-bender on Route 41, it’s probably Bobby Valentine’s fault.

David Ortiz kick-started the Bobby bashing last week (“Guys were not comfortable with the manager”) and soon was joined by Daniel Bard, who said he was more comfortable with “ . . . having a guy who I feel like I can trust.”

“I don’t pay any attention to that,’’ Valentine said Monday from somewhere in Vermont. “I’m a big boy. I don’t need that nonsense, nor do I need your article being a controversial situation with me making stupid comments.’’

It's a fairly common phenomenon - when things go wrong in any organization, blame it on the person you just canned, so this article isn't surprising. This, however, is:

Clay Buchholz has been singing the same song. Lester didn’t take the bait, but we all know he was done with Bobby after Valentine left Lester on the mound to take a beating at the hands of the Blue Jays July 22.

'Take the bait' - turn of the phrase, or a tacit admission that Shank's just trying to rile people up?

The Valentine Era - It's A Wrap!

Shank has a very good column on Bobby Valentine's tenure with the 2012 Boston Red Sox.

Naturally, Shank has to mar one of his better columns in quite some time by taking a shot at owner John Henry:

The one constant was the absence of Henry. The principal owner missed last year’s Francona firing after he suffered a minor injury when he slipped and fell on his yacht. Henry was not present for Thursday’s round-tables.

“The job of dealing with the press, for better or worse, falls with Ben and me,’’ said Lucchino.

And let’s not forget that the big Liverpool-Udinese match from Enfield (sic - should be Anfield - ed.) was unfolding while Lucchino and Cherington explained the firing of Valentine. Victims of a dreaded “own goal,” Liverpool lost, 3-2.

Hope nobody got sacked.

The new Liverpool manager has been there for four whole months; give it time, Shank...

Bobby Valentine Death Watch

As we wait for the ax to be swung, I'll belatedly link to Shank's (hopefully) penultimate post-mortem column on the 2012 Boston Red Sox. You've already read this column about nine hundred times in one form or another this year, so what were you missing?

Speaking of Bobby Valentine, this must be some kind of metaphor:

...
According to the New York Times, the avid bicyclist (Valentine) crashed his ride in New York City earlier in the day, suffering minor hip and knee injuries. The cause of his accident? He was reading a text message.
...
Can’t you just picture it like in the movies? Bobby V is riding furiously through the New York streets, desperately trying to escape from Peter Abraham and Dan Shaughnessy chasing him on speed boats that inexplicably work on the road, knocking over fruit carts and, wouldn’t you know it, two bakers are carrying a meticulously crafted cake across the street right in front of his path for God knows what reason and SPLOOSH, down goes Bobby. He’s alright, so we’re allowed to joke.

What about the cake? Don't leave us hanging...

UPDATE at 1:04 PM - Shitcanned.

Asking The Stupid Questions

We were eagerly awaiting Shank's first column in a week, and with him finally realizing it's no longer sport to dump on the Red Sox this season with an entire column, Shank talks up tonight's Patriots - Ravens game with a "serious" question:

Are Ravens now a rival for the Patriots?

Like they weren't rivals from January 10, 2010, nearly three years ago? I think you're a little late on this one, Shank!

Shank then trots out the same tired formula he always does when comparing Boston against Our Newest Rival.

We want the Baltimore Ravens to be our natural-born football rivals.

We can make this work.

Boston-Baltimore. We have history. We have tradition.

Patriots vs. Ravens. Patriots vs. Colts (in the old days). Celtics vs. Bullets (in the older days). Red Sox vs. Orioles (ouch). USS Constitution vs. USS Constellation. Waterfront vs. Inner Harbor. Ralph Waldo Emerson vs. Edgar Allan Poe. “Good Will Hunting” vs. “Diner.” Mass. General vs. Johns Hopkins. Lobster rolls vs. crab cakes.

Luis Tiant vs. Jim Palmer.

Baltimore gave us Janet Marie Smith, who rebuilt Fenway Park. Baltimore gave us Larry Lucchino, who hired Bobby Valentine.

You get the idea. I should check the tires on Shank's car; they're probably retreads, too.

But what's a Shank column without another dig at the Red Sox, complete with a decades old song reference?

And then there was last Sept. 28, at Camden Yards. The day the music died in Boston baseball.

A soft liner to left . . . Crawford can’t make the play! . . . Here comes Reimold to the plate and the throw is not in time! . . . Tito fired . . . Chicken and beer . . . John Henry storming into The SportsHub . . . Theo resigns . . . Bobby hired . . . The return of the “varsity” . . . the palace mutiny . . . worst roster in the history of baseball . . . Nava is coming out to hit for Iglesias . . .

On and on it goes.

That's an understatement...

UPDATE AT 2:10 pm - Steve Buckley and I agree on the rivalry timeline, for what that's worth.

The One Where The CHB Decries Success

For today's version of Stupid Human Tricks, The CHB ties himself into a knot trying to decide whether the Red Sox management, Bobby Valentine or the team itself is to blame for this year's underperformance. Ultimately -- meaning for today -- he settles on owner John Henry.

But what's not allowed: discussion of injuries. No matter that the Sox have lost their starting 2B, SS, 3B, LF, CF, RF and DH, all to the DL, plus countless pitchers of all stripes. That's not a good reason, according to Shaughnessy. Which is fair, in a way, since no one blames his complete lack of logic on the fact that he's a total retard.

The CHB clearly is drooling over the prospect of continuing to lay into Henry for having the audacity to own more than one professional franchise. This is disingenuous, of course (see "retard," above), for many reasons. If Henry were making daily decisions, Shaughnessy would attack him for interfering. Oh, and one may recall Jerry Reinsdorf, another hands-off executive who just happens to own the Bulls and the White Sox, they of a combined seven league titles.

Maybe Shaughnessy's just jealous that it was Henry, and not himself, who ended up nailing the very becoming Linda Pizzuti.  Ah well, Shank, back to the fatties at The Fours for you.

Bobby V to CHB: You're An Idiot!

The manager of the Red Sox video-bombed Shaughnessy last night, telling a camera filming The CHB that "I'm not trying to get fired folks ... It was all made up by him."

Another revelation: The CHB has teeth! I figured he just gummed the beer bottles open.

We're Good

Shank stands in the back of the room once again and tells us that the relationship between Dustin Pedroia and Bobby Valentine is hunky dory.

Dustin Pedroia wants you to know that he does not hate Bobby Valentine.

There’s no Bobby V doll in Pedroia’s locker with pins sticking out of it. There’s no Manny Ramirez-Joe Kerrigan thing going on in the Red Sox clubhouse.

“I like Bobby,’’ Pedroia said, a couple of hours before he returned from the disabled list, batting third against the White Sox Thursday night. “I had a relationship with Tito [Terry Francona] over time, but me and Bobby get along great . . . Do I need to wear a [expletive] bike outfit to the field to show I get along with Bobby [Valentine rides his bike everywhere, home and away]? That way, everybody will think we love each other?’’

It is clear throughout the article that Shank isn't buying the story:

What about that game at Wrigley Field when Pedroia stayed at his position when Valentine came out to the mound to talk to a Sox pitcher? It looked like a big diss by the little second baseman.

“I swallowed my dip, man,’’ said Pedroia, sounding very convincing.

If Shank had balls, you'd think he'd just call Pedroia a liar and save us some time; must be a writer's thing.

A gaffe is the inadvertent telling of the truth, right?

What would make him think that anyone thinks the Sox are unhappy?

“I just get that impression,’’ said Pedroia.

Must be the media’s fault. Time to get out the bike shorts.

More often than you think, mate...

Rehashing in the Ivy

June 17.

Wrigley Field.

Red Sox-Cubs.

"What a Field Day for the Hate," says The CHB, who knows a little something about hating and being hated.

After rehashing, for the umpteenth time, the bad blood between Dale Sveum and the Red Sox owners (really, a misstatement -- there's no reason to think the Red Sox owners don't like Sveum. After all, they employed him for two years and then interviewed him for the manager's job. It is, however, easy to see why Sveum, manager of the worst team in baseball, might be a tad peeved that he had to settle for the Cubs job.); Larry Lucchino and Theo Epstein (never heard that one before); Terry Francona and the Red Sox owners (nor that one); and Starlin Castro and Bobby Valentine (you really think Bobby V cares what a middle infielder on a last place team in the other league thinks of him?).
 
Oh, the humanity.
 Not done, The CHB turns his sights on Josh Beckett, who "simply loves playing the bad guy." Projection alert!

Can't believe he left out Larry Bird and Dr. J. Missed opportunity there.