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Thursday, May 16, 2019

Bandwagon Dan, A Continuing Story

The fifth time's a charm:
RALEIGH, N.C. — Thursday marked 100 days since Boston’s last championship parade.

Time to fire up the duck boats. It has been too long.

Say goodbye to the Jerks, the Goobers, Hamilton the Pig, inflated arena noise, and the Sons of the Hartford Whalers. The Bruins won the Prince of Wales Trophy on Thursday night, beating the Carolina Hurricanes, 4-0, to advance to the Stanley Cup Final for the 20th time in franchise history. Boston will face the San Jose Sharks or St. Louis Blues (Sharks lead, 2-1) starting sometime within the next 10 days (yes, we might have to wait a while) on Causeway Street.
You and I could throw paint, soy sauce and mustard against a wall and come up with something better than what ensues - read on, at your own risk.

And there's this:
Part of Carolina’s Game 4 pregame entertainment featured a live interview on the big board in which a couple of local TV personalities talked about Rask and the Bruins “blowing it” against the Flyers in 2010. Comebacks from 3-0 deficits are rare, but there have been four in hockey, and one was the Bruins losing a 3-0 lead against the Flyers in 2010.
We all remember who was telling us about that series loss, don't we?

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

How The Game Is Played

I'm not talking about hockey, but rather Shank's sporadic coverage of it. Ninety-plus games in, behold, his fourth Boston Bruins column this hockey season:
RALEIGH, N.C. — The Bruins are running downhill on the way to the Stanley Cup Final. Each series has been easier than the one before.

These Cup playoffs for the Spoked-B’s have been like a NASA countdown.

Seven games . . . then six . . . now perhaps four?

Liftoff.

Bring on the San Jose Sharks or the St. Louis Blues.

It’s strange. Has there ever been a championship run in which each round got easier? Certainly the 2004 and 2007 Red Sox were more tested in the ALCS than in the World Series, but they did not experience anything like what we are seeing in this magical — dare we say easy? — run to the Final. Those Sox faced much tougher competition in the second round than they did in the first. Only the World Series (both sweeps) was easy.

It’s never easy, of course — unless it’s the Patriots in the AFC East or the 2018-19 Red Sox against the AL bum-of-the-week clubs. Winning at the playoff level is always rugged and hard.
Do any of you think Shank watched any of last night's game? That Bruins win was not easy.

Let's set aside the obvious bullshit praising the Red Sox; he's been taking dumps on them nearly every day from Spring training until they got hot two weeks ago and now pretends to be on their side.

I've helpfully pointed out the theme that Shank is using in his not so genuine praise of the Bruins, and longtime readers will recognize it right away when compared to many of his Patriots columns. By claiming the Bruins' playoff run is easy (and in the next breath saying it's not easy), Shank nonetheless creates the impression, however false, that a Stanley Cup for the Bruins will be easy. If they do not, Shank will then take the mother of all shits on the Bruins for not winning the Stanley Cup because it was supposed to be easy.

And that's how the game is played.

Monday, May 13, 2019

Even His Jokes Are Old

...as well as lame:

Sunday, May 12, 2019

It's Worth It

It seems like it was mere weeks ago that Shank was shitting on the team, wasn't it? Now that the Boston Red Sox are back to their winning ways, so is his faux support for them.
The Red Sox are worth watching again

The storm has been weathered. The awkward White House trip has come and gone. Chris Sale doesn’t stink anymore. Boy wonder Michael Chavis saved the season when all seemed lost. April showers have given way to May sunshine. The Red Sox are a wagon again. They beat the Mariners, 9-5, on Saturday and even got a two-run single from the offensively catatonic Jackie Bradley Jr.

After everything that happened in the Sox’ hideously bad first month of a title defense, they will wake up Sunday four games out of first place. After playing as bad as they could possibly play, the Sox are right where they need to be to get where they want to go. They still have not even played a quarter of the season and everything is ahead of them. It turns out that the hole they dug was not too deep.
Despite Shank telling you otherwise during that 'hideously bad first month'. Funny how that works.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Punted

It looks like we're not getting the predicted Celtics bashing; instead we get some Red Sox bashing:
White House ceremony honoring Red Sox awkward from the start

The White House Thursday morning sent out a scheduled post on its website stating, “President Trump Welcomes the 2018 World Series Champions The Boston Red Socks to the White House.’’

I am not making this up.

Red Socks.

In a time-honored and now-controversial tradition, a portion of the Sox gathered at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Thursday and heard laudatory remarks delivered by President Donald Trump. The president spoke for nine minutes (my favorite moment came when he asked Steve Pearce how his season was going), called upon Chris Sale, J.D. Martinez, and Sox owner John Henry to make remarks, then thanked everybody and gave the Socks entourage a tour of the Lincoln bedroom.
More awkwardness at the link.

UPDATE AT 3:50 PM - A commenter points out the obvious, and that is this: the Boston Globe / Dan Shaughnessy coverage of Boston sports teams at the White House is a function of the occupant of the Oval Office. If it's a Democrat, the primary focus is on the player(s) who do not attend and what bad people they are. If it's a Republican, the focus is on the President and what a 'thorny issue' this is and how the players involved should 'start distancing themselves from some of his polarizing policies'. Good to know Obama never had any polarizing policies!

Thursday, May 09, 2019

Holding Out No Longer

The Boston Celtics lost last night, 116-91 in rather ugly fashion, with Kyrie Irving going 6 for 21 from the floor and the other players not doing too much better. I just finished listening to Felger & Mazzarotti (and Big Jim Murray was on it as well) absolutely savaging the Celtics, with Kyrie bearinge the overwhelming brunt of the blast for the first two hours. It's one of the times that a) I knew that Michael Felger would be in rare form and b) I fully agreed with nearly every word of it. It's one of the few times you actually look forward to that trademark Boston sports media negativity.

A curious natural omission, of course - the Dan Shaugnessy column eviscerating and Celtics. It's in his blood, perhaps more natural than breathing to him, and I was fully expecting to wake up this morning and see him in nuclear meltdown mode. There was nothing. until now:
Reader poll - do we still get a stemwinder from Shank or did Felger already use up all the oxygen in the room on this one?

Monday, May 06, 2019

Hijacking The Bandwagon Yet Again

Keep the dream alive!
Sunday was a day of rest for the Grand Slam of Bling.

But it is still alive.

It’s been a remote possibility since the Patriots won the Super Bowl just three months after the 2018 Red Sox won the World Series.

No city has ever been home to the reigning kings of all four sports simultaneously, but until the Celtics or Bruins are eliminated, Boston remains alive for this glut of championship gold.
At which point he'll rip either / both teams as 'simply not good enough'.
...
This will be the fifth time the Bruins and Celtics played postseason games on the same date this spring.
And should one of those two teams lose, it's a certainty he'll write a column about the loss.