Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Hot in Texas

Not sure what the point of today’s column was except that he had to write about something. A basic rehash of the Red Sox loss, with no analysis at all (unless catcher Josh Bard’s apparent difficulty in catching the knuckeball was somehow responsible for Tim Wakefield’s getting shelled).

His sendoff -- "Might be time to panic. First Foulkie. Now Bard. And the Sox are one out in the loss column. How soon before somebody says they're playing for the wild card?" -- is hopefully a bit of sarcasm, but with the CHB, who knows?

Man love: Josh Beckett is again referred to as "stud starter." Let's hope that Shaughnessy learns to keep it in his pants around the kid. Pedophilia is a crime, even in Massachussets.

And are we going to be subject to daily updates on Johnny Damon? It's not like he's the first guy ever to leave the Red Sox.


jk9898 said...

You let him off the hook on this one, dude. First off he takes a shot at somebody (I'm assuming Bellhorn) when he says that Hasselman doesn't have to yell at Loretta to get back on pickoff throws. Am I missing something there? And since when did Theo and the rest of management decide that it wasn't important who caught Wakefield. If I remember correctly, Mirabelli was traded before Theo had returned. It may be semantics, but technically Theo didn't trade Mirabelli, so technically Theo didn't decide what was and wasn't important to Wakefield. This might even be more important if management's disregard for Wakefield were even true. It was documented before and at the beginning of spring training that Wakefield was going to have major input in deciding who his catcher was going to be. But I guess that's too far back for Ronald McDonald to remember. And finally, his multiple digressions in this column is laughable. He goes off out of nowhere that Beckett is pitching thee home opener and that nobody should be worried about him being overwhelmed. Thanks for the reassurance, but I don't recall anybody worrying about Beckett being overwhelmed for the home opener to begin with. And who cares about his or how Damon did last night? The column was supposed to be about how things went bad last night for Wakefield (I think). How would Damon have affected Wakefield differently last night. Does he think Damon should be Wakefield's personal catcher? This is one of his worst coulmns ever. I can't believe how bad it is, even for him.

jenny said...

Technically, I don't think it would qualify as pedophilia, as Beckett is like 25. Does Massachusetts have sodomy laws?

I was just WAITING for CHB to jump on the loss of Mirabelli. Just waiting for it. Does he realize how incredible it is that we got an All-Star 2B for a backup catcher? That is absolutely fantastic. I still have no clue how Jed/Ben/whoever pulled that off.

And I don't think including Theo is semantics at all, jk9898. If I recall correctly, he was in Argentina when that trade was made. He had nothing to do with it. But every time Dan types "Theo," he can type "Lucchino" too, so he has to do it as often as possible.

jk9898 said...

Well I called it semantics because I don't think anything was done without consulting with Theo over the winter. But that doesn't change the fact that the claim in his column is wrong on its basis. I can't say enough how brutal this column was.

Worcester reader said...

To jk9898- Get back Loretta - Words from a Beatles song, nothing to do with Bellhorn, just a little joke.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, another CHB staple: The cultural reference few under age 50 will grasp.

dbvader said...

That column was Shanktastic. A shot at talk radio when he is suggesting the same point. Random digressions (Beckett, Damon) that do nothing except fill his column. Quotations used to fill space. And, ultimately, no F-ing point at all. A waste of space.

jenny said...

I actually love it when he wastes space with quotations. It gets him to his word limit and I would much rather read Varitek's opinions or Big Papi's opinions or Theo's opinions on a certain subject than CHB's opinions. At least that way I might actually learn something useful.