Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Dantasy Land

Mirror, mirror, on the wall: Who’s the fairest weather fan of them all?

Answer: The CHB (like we didn't already know).

Just months after taking howitzer-sized shots at an injured Curt Schilling, all is forgotten in Dan’s fantasy (Dantasy?) land.

Today, after shutting down the Rangers in yesterday’s opener, he’s “Big Schill” and "superhero/ultimate warrior/Boston sports deity."

It's hard to believe that just last June 26, Sybil Shaughnessy, manic-depressive presciption clearly expired, was busy calling Schilling "the Big Blowhard."

Dan even eases up on his recounting of Schilling’s troubles last year, writing, "He struggled to win eight games last year on an ankle that looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone." That's a far cry from his jackass remark last Nov. 2 on the Dennis & Callahan show when he said, "Tell Curt to go ask the people who paid him $13 million to win eight games last year about that situation. Maybe they can explain it to him."

That's fair weather Dan for you.

Sybil watch: Opening day 2004: “Why can't it just be about the baseball? Even for one day." Opening day 2006: Larry Lucchino was “conspicuously absent” but [John] Henry “insisted” he wasn’t “locked in the basement back at Fenway” and calling the Rangers the team that “used to be owned by Schilling's favorite president.”


Anonymous said...

Does shaughnessy have some sort of fixation with blood stained socks? The number references to soiled footwear must be approaching Larry Bird like proportions. Also, while I might be nitpicking, didn't Ortiz play yesterday? Me thinks any column on the season opener would have to include somthing about the offensive side of the ledger.

jenny said...

Did anyone notice the unintentional irony of this?

"He's been more style than substance since that October Sunday night at Fenway when he bled into his sock and established himself as superhero/ultimate warrior/Boston sports deity."

Substitute "the beginning of time" for "that October Sunday night at Fenway" and remove the last half of the sentence and it's CHB!

"'We had a tremendous advance scouting report [filed by Dana Levangie and Kyle Evans]."

I'll admit, I was a bit surprised by this. I thought the bracketed stuff was some sort of obscure 'joke' about people I just hadn't heard of. Lo and behold, a Google search reveals that they actually are Sox scouts. Whatever happened to the "minions" label?

"Schilling was almost at 100 pitches after the eventful sixth, and probably wouldn't have come out for the seventh if not for his status as resident player-manager. Big Schill still felt strong and wanted to face the bottom third of the Texas lineup. He got Rangers in order, finishing his day when he induced a routine grounder to third from Kinsler. On his way to the dugout, Schill congratulated plate umpire Gary Darling on a job well done."

The first part is probably true, but it just comes across as petty. The second part lets me know that Dan probably didn't watch the game very closely. The home plate umpire was TERRIBLE. Yet no comment about that.

"'This is one of the best days of the year," said general manager Theo Epstein. (CEO Larry Lucchino was conspicuously absent on this day, but Henry insisted Larry was not locked in the basement back at Fenway.)"

Oh my gosh. Not this again. Are we going to have to wade through these snarky references until the END OF TIME? Let it die already!

"'I was trying to be low-key about it," Epstein went on, ''but last night I was waking up every hour on the hour. I'm proud of what our players and coaches have done this spring and it's nice to have the focus on baseball again after a winter when baseball too often took a back seat. We're happy to get going again.""

See, Dan, he wants you to LET IT DIE! Everyone is sick of hearing about this, unless there's some actual new insight to offer, which there's not, and if there were, I wouldn't want you to offer it. You would think Dan wouldn't WANT to bring this up, given his new role as "most hated man in New England" over the whole thing, but I guess he's just stupid. Also, Theo, they have pills for that.

Anonymous said...

I hate sticking up for the CHB, but calling Schilling a warrior and a blowhard isn't mutually exclusive. Schilling is definitely both.