Minutes Wasted

Dan is back to the same old hyperbole that oftentimes marks his column with a wasted effort Thursday.

He reverts to his nabob of negativity persona and rails about how many minutes key members of the banged-up Boston Celtics are logging. And he goes on ... and on ... and on ... employing virtually every mottled cliche in the book to make his point.

Maybe the editors had the night off ...

Just FYI, this was Shank's 16th column for the month of April. Pretty impressive numbers, even though half of them were half-assed efforts.

No bitches about these...

Again, Dan continues to surprise, with two more credible columns this past weekend.

First, Shank penned an ode to the Sox in the wake of their come-from-behind victory Saturday over the A-Fraudless Yankees.

Then he follows that with a paen to the Boston sports scene Monday last.

I just wonder why the editors seem to be doing their jobs ... finally.

Or, could it be that Dan's actually putting some effort in to help line up another job if, or when, the Globe goes the way of the dinosaurs, with all due apologies to Carl Everett.

Hah!

A Veritable Dynamo

Something's definitely up with ol' Dan-O.

He's suddenly become a virtual cornucopia of columns, adding four more columns to his April grab bag since my last posting on April 14th ... and they're all decent, workmanlike bits, with just a tad of snideness...

With his additional four efforts, he brings his monthly total to thirteen. (Time for a few weeks off to flex his typing fingers, eh?)

His April 16th offering, entitled "With or Without Garnett, Repeat Unlikely" kicked off his Celtics' playoff coverage, lamenting the fact that it looks as though big Kevin is through for the year, and ceding Boston's playoff hopes to one opponent or another. Decent piece but nothing earth shattering.

Shank follows that up with an April 17th piece on the Bruins, who are flying high and currently on the verge of sweeping the Montreal Canadiens. Again, a reasonable column ... but no blockbusters.

Then, on April 19th, Shaughnessy appears to write off the Celtics.

But in a compilation article in the wake of the Patriots' Day contests, Danny reverses course and hold out hope for the boys in green.

His production over the past several weeks makes one wonder if his editors are finally holding his feet to the fire ... or if he's auditioning for another job just in case the Globe goes the way of the Rocky Mountain News.

Four in a Row?

Yup.

You got it.

Dan filed columns four days in a row -- all on college hockey, three of them on BU's run to the NCAA Division I title. All were solid pieces.

Factor in columns on pro baseball on April 4th, 6th and 8th, and it appears that Shank's due for some time off. Seven whole columns in a 10-day span?

As the late Phil Rizzuto would say, "Holy cow!"

Dan the Hockey Man

Dan capped his hockey coverage off April 12 with a solid column on BU's comeback, overtime victory to take the NCAA Division I crown Saturday.

The bit was Shank's third consecutive hockey piece, two on the Terriers, and one on hockey parents.

All three were good columns.

The Shankster ought to stick with school sports, as his venomous bent doesn't constantly come through as it does when he writes about professional sports.

Beware...Dan has filed articles three days in a row. He'll probably need some significant time off...

Red Sox Grab Bag

Dan penned two Red Sox-based columns this week, one semi-positive, the second snarly and bitchy.

His April 6th piece accused the franchise of becoming too bland. The drama and angst of spring trainings past weren't in evidence this season and our boy apparently thinks that's a bad thing.

With Curt Schilling a thing of the past, and ManRam gone, not to mention the infamous Carl Everett, it appears as though Shank is desperately seeking new targets to skewer.

"No holdouts, no latecomers, no intramural dustups around the batting cage. No long-hair leaping gnomes. It was all about baseball.

"Once a roster peppered with divas, blogboys, and Jesus action figures, the Red Sox of 2009 are downright button-down. No more gypsies, tramps, and thieves."

Oh, my. How horrid! The team is about PLAYING baseball. Imagine that!

His second column was a tad more gracious. Just a tad, as the Shankster slammed sundry individuals and groused about Youk grousing about "several Hub scribes did not pick the Sox to win the World Series."

Ho hum...

I apologize for running late on these this week, as I was a tad under the weather and busy promoting my book, which has gone for a third printing since its release last month. Rest assured the three errors that have been pointed out to me will be corrected in the fourth printing ... unlike another scribe who wrote about the so-called "Curse."

Hep me!!!

This terrific piece from the Herald's Howie Carr...

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1164722

Kind of puts it into perspective, eh?

Ode to Francis Scott Key

Dan provides a reasonably insightful look back at the Baltimore Orioles in his April 5th column, although he does revert to his time-worn rhapsodic manner of invoking ancient catch phrases (e.g., Ain't Too Proud to Beg, etc.) into his columns.

He also equates Baltimore's acquisition of Frank Robinson to the Celtics' acquisition of Bill Russell. The only problem with that is that the Celts drafted Russell out of college, while the Orioles traded for Robinson. The other mystery Shankism relates to how Fenway was empty in 1998. Huh?

Overall, however, the piece is a solid one and provides some perspective on where the Orioles are now, and where they spent nearly 20 years not so long ago, atop the American League and AL East.

Now, on a personal note, the Globe endorsed my book today. Betcha that pissed off a couple of people who shall remain nameless. To assuage one of my chief critics, and in an effort of making full disclosure, the author of the review did identify a glaring error of mine, which, unlike another author who wrote about the Curse, will be corrected in the next edition of my book.

The Armpit of Pitt

Shank again mailed it in with this one on March 29, essentially providing readers with a game account in place of a column.

His inconsistency continues to boggle the mind. Aside from a couple of asides, Dan pens a column that recounts how Pitt lost in the final minute of its Elite Eight contest against Villanova. He regales us with memories of Danny Ainge against Notre Dame and Christian Laettner's efforts versus Kentucky.

He also laments Pitt's lack of getting the ball to DeJuan Blair, the guy with "the enormous derriere." There it is again ...

It all makes one wonder why the Globe editors let him get away with half-assing his way through life...

He Ain't Tony Blair...

Ok, blog boys 'n' girls ... I'm b-a-a-a-a-ck. Some personal matters have kept me out of the loop since I departed for Fort Myers last week, but now let's get back to the issue at hand.

Dan continues his schizophrenic ways by penning a good column about Pitt's DeJuan Blair, published Friday last, discussing Blair's oversized rear end. Hmmm...

The Shank's ruminations about Blair's backside could have implications other than the topic for a column, eh?

Nevertheless, Shaughnessy again writes a well-focused column -- even though he lets slip that he garnered his quotes in a press conference setting. Perhaps his reputation has preceeded him in Pittsburgh.

Meet the Hendersons

Dan turned in a solid, workmanlike column Thursday, March 25, featuring the Hendersons -- Gerald and Gerald, Jr.

He's even got quotes from both, and -- from the sounds of them -- I'll stake money (but not much, mind you) that Dan actually obtained those thoughts in one-on-one interviews.

It's a crying shame that Dan doesn't apply himself like this consistently, instead of utilizing shortcuts and his usual templates that oftentimes make his columns indistinguishable, vindictive and vain. Some days he's Bob Ryan but most days he's Dilbert.

On a personal note, my wife and I are off to Fort Myers today for the weekend to do a spring training book signing. Since my laptop is on the fritz I'm hoping one of my compatriots on the site will post entries over the weekend. If not, I'll see ya Monday.

Another Prospect for Dan's Hit List

I was bowled over this morning to get an e-mail from my publisher notifying me that my book, It Was Never About the Babe, which our hero, CHB, thought was "unfair" to him, had been endorsed ... in the Irish Times!

Stunned can't describe the feeling. And the author of the review, long-time Boston journalist, George Kimball, denigrates Dan's mythical thesis on decades of Red Sox failure, as well. I can't help but believe that Danny Boy's Irish eyes won't be smiling.

"Gutlon argues that the Red Sox were cursed, all right. For more than 80 years they were cursed by a policy of institutionalized racism and a mind-boggling litany of wrong-headed business decisions ...

"... although he is a professional journalist by trade, Gutlon is first and foremost a lifelong Red Sox fan, and what he brings to the table in his eminently readable new book is a comprehensive accumulation of anecdotal evidence delivered from that perspective – the winning argument, if you will, in a hypothetical bar-room debate on the subject."

And the hits just keep on coming!

Shank the Sham and His Pharisees

All of us blog boys (and girls) over the age of fifty certainly can identify the above play on words -- based upon the Sixties band Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs (who could forget Little Red Riding Hood or Wooly Bully?).

What brings it to mind is Dan's over-the-top, self-serving, self-imposed appearance on Dan Patrick's radio program on Tuesday. In the words of my DSW compatriot, Dave M. ...

"Shaughnessy was on the Dan Patrick Show ... and man, what an absolute joke ... all the pettiness revealed itself ... First, it was Shaughnessy who forced his way ... on the ... show - calling in to offer his opinion. Unfortunately, Patrick seemed all [too] willing to oblige. All the typical crap [concerning Curt Schilling] - complaints about the blog; complaints about the politics; complaints about being unethical for accepting [$8 million] while injured; and complaints about being … a big lug. Shank claims to be brave enough to call Schilling out on his inconsistencies but that Schilling always picks one member of the local media to pick on and it was poor little Shaughnessy."

What a surprise! First, to don the cape of a super hero! The maligned defender of all thing true and just. Yep, that's our boy!

OK, let's see. Why don't we go through Dave's points sequentially, shall we?

First, imagine Schilling's temerity to establish his own blog so he can offer his own opinion and bypass the media-imposed filters. That, in itself, should warrant a prison term, eh? Oh, and the guy's a right winger who openly, vehemently and vocally supported John McCain? Well, that should warrant the electric chair.

As far as the unethically obtained $8 million? I seem to recall Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein's public pronouncement thereafter that Schilling passed his physical with flying colors before the "big lug" signed his 2008 contract. But, naturally, Shank never bothered to correct his previous scurrilous claim. Guess Theo (backed by his minions, of course!) should've saved his breath.

(Sort of reminds me of Dan's identification of one of the three black Negro League players who tried out for the Sox back in 1945, Marvin Williamson. Uh, Dan, his name was Marvin Williams. Yet, twenty printings later, Dan's fairy tale "Curse" book continues to misidentify the man. Surprise! Surprise! Now that's responsible reporting!)

Inconsistencies? Boy, Dan, you are just such a pillar of integrity. Not!!!

Granted, I think Shank deliberately writes inflammatory columns and makes ridiculous assertions simply to attract attention and generate buzz. I also believe that the CHB goes out of his way to insert himself into the story, to become a play-AH in his own right. That said, I am outraged that the man has so little self-perspective that he constantly perceives himself as a victim.

I don't think I could put it any better than Roger Bournival who posted the following:

"In other words, intentionally pissing off fans and readers (let's assume, for argument's sake, they are one and the same) is a testament to the noble columnist's objectivity and perspective (whatever the latter's supposed to mean). Criticism of said columns by 'basement-dwelling blog boys' (a rough, but accurate portrayal of well, us! by yourself, Shank and other defenders of the ever-shrinking, dying, dead-tree media) is thus minimized and summarily dismissed. Failure to incorporate self-analytical and self-correcting procedures in one's work product results in a recursive process that reduces the eventual answer to zero."

Whatever one thinks of Schilling's faith, politics or outspoken persona, the man is genuine. And without his presence in 2004 and 2007 the Red Sox would still be seeking the Holy Grail of another world championship.

It's deliciously ironic that a Philadelphia Inquirer scribe (who apparently disagreed with much of what Curt vociferously stands for) penned a wonderful column entitled Curt Schilling has a lot of detractors, but belongs in the Hall of Fame reprinted in the Boston Herald. Kudos to the Herald for having the guts to print it. And shame on the Globe editors for allowing this vocal version of Harpo Marx to continue to spew his venom without any constraints!

Boston Sports Media Watch "Worst Boston Sports Column Contest"

Bruce Allen had an epiphany while on vacation a couple of weeks ago: Have the BSMW sponsor a contest to identify the worst Boston sports column in recent memory.

Prominently mentioned was one from the poisoned pen of our hero, Dan Shaughnessy.

Here's the link: BSMW Group Project - Worst Boston Sports Column.

Happy hunting!

You're Bloody Predictable, Shank

God forbid that Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe hack extraordinaire, be gracious.

As predicted yesterday by Bruce Allen of Boston Sports Media Watch, the CHB used his post as Globe columnist (of sorts) to slam Curt Schilling in the wake of Schilling's retirement announcement.

Shank's March 24th column, with the headline He Was Bloody Good Here, featured few platitudes to the pitcher without whom the Red Sox would still be without a post-1918 World Championship. Instead, he calls Curt "Schill," a "big lug" and an "uber-blowhard."

"I'm going to miss the big lug. In the past 30 years in Boston sports, there haven't been many guys more fun to write about than Curt Schilling. And it's nice to know he's not really going away. The uber-blowhard still will be part of our lives in cyberspace, on the airwaves, and probably at every town meeting and polling place in Suffolk, Middlesex, and Norfolk counties."

Look in the mirror, Dan! Agree or disagree, at least Schilling doesn't sway in the wind with every other paragraph. If there's an uber-blowhard in the room, methinks he might have a big red Afro. And, in my mind, anyway, you should alter your terminology. Change the word "write" to "slander."

You're not only predictable, you're pathetic.

Batten Down the Hatches: Schilling Has Left the Building

Over the years Dan Shaughnessy has -- for whatever reasons -- adopted numerous targets for his venomous tirades, much like Dave "The Colonel" Egan did in the "bad old days." (see: Williams, Theodore S.)

Well, with his announcement on 38pitches.com this morning, Curt Schilling made it official: He's retiring from baseball. Interestingly enough, Bruce Allen, founder of Boston Sports Media Watch, wonders if the Shank attacks on the Schill might continue, anyway.

Now, with both Schilling and Manny Ramirez no longer on the premises, Shank is going to have to determine who will serve as his new whipping boy. Lions and tigers and bears! Oh, my!

Maybe we ought to start a lottery to vote on who it should be. Yours truly excluded.

Dan Versus the Pros

OK, let me begin with a slam levelled at one of our erstwhile posters by none other than Dan Shaughnessy's masked defender, the infamous Objective Bruce, affectionately known as "OB."

Quoteth OB [quoting Chris]: "'The vast majority of Boston's professional sports personnel (athletes and management alike) simply turn their back on CHB with utter disdain.' Prove it. Schilling's musings don't count."

All righty then, Brucie. Let us briefly count the ways Danny Boy is consistently iced out on the Boston pro scene, shall we?

Thus far, the Boston Globe has published eleven (11) of Shaughnessy's columns in the month of March. Five (5) of those columns dealt with professional athletes. Are ya with me thus far?

Dan opened the Ides of March with a missive entitled Cassell Trade is a Loud Statement (March 1, 2009), of course dealing with the Patriots' trade of quarterback Matt Cassell to the Kansas City Chiefs. There were NO quotes. Lots of contradictory statements on Dan's part, but NO, I repeat, NO quotes. By the way, he penned the column while in Florida, ostensibly covering spring training, but in reality squandering the Globe's money.

On March 3, 2009, Shaughnessy filed a column with the headline, Masterson on Solid Footing. In it, he quotes Sox manager Francona and pitching coach John Farrell, along with young pitcher Justin Masterson. Frankly, I couldn't determine if Shank got those quotes himself, or culled them from a press conference. My gut says it was the latter, a la his coverage of the Patriots at the Super Bowl last year. Makes sense. On the other hand, Masterson is still so green it's possible he's not yet wise to the ways of the Shankster...

Shank then submitted a column published with the headline An Infusion of Intrigue (March 4, 2009), dealing with Sox outfielder J.D. Drew's never-ending physical problems. Dan quotes Tito -- no doubt from a group briefing -- and Drew, via NESN's Heidi Watney. Thanks, Heidi!

Let's move on, shall we? On March 5, 2009, Dan wrote a column entitled Hip Trouble … and Lip Trouble, driving my compatriot, Dave M., to distraction, as El Shanko hammered Manny (who, I must say, is a piece of drek and -- as Jon Papelbon pointed out -- had become a cancer in the Sox clubhouse before the team jettisoned him ... and slammed A-Roid, er, Rod. (Nice hookers, A-Fraud.)

Anyhoo, Dan quotes Manny and Dodgers' owner Frank McCourt in his piece ... via ESPN. By the way, the CHB was at spring training when he purloined most of this column from previous Shankisms.

After that point in time, Dan limited his topics to high school, junior college and college basketball, with the exception of his March 18, 2009 effort, Hottest of the Heat. Shaughnessy quoted the Miami Heat's D-Wade and head coach Erik Spoelstra. Typical, since those out-of-town pro athletes and coaches generally aren't wary of the Big D.

Otherwise, I think it's fairly obvious that Shank is hamstrung in trying to obtain meaningful quotes from professional athletes, coaches and executives in Boston.

How can you refute it, oh Master of Objectivity?

And They Pay Him to Write This Drivel?

Dan regresses to his usual trite approach to writing in his recap of BC's loss to USC in the first round of the NCAA tournament in his March 21st column.

Chronologically, let's see how Shank meanders down memory lane and, once again, name drops, shall we?

Silvio Conte, Bill Walton, Ed McMahon, Doug Flutie, Will Ferrell, O.J. Simpson, Fleetwood Mac and (tah dah!) Larry Bird.

All of the above -- and more -- are sandwiched among quotes from both coaches, BC's captain, Tyrese Rice and Trojan forward Taj Gibson.

Shank trots out arcane references that are meaningless to many (Mary Ann's ... wasn't she on the SS Minnow with Gilligan?) and brings up one of the very worst of Fleetwood Mac ("Tusk," 1980), and calls the USC squad "dysfunctional," then proceeds to illustrate how dysfunctional and uneven BC's regular season's performance was.

He slams the Trojans for their lack of camaraderie on the floor, likening their "California-cool" attitude to the Red Sox of 1978 with this gem: "These guys looked about as connected as the 1978 (25 players, 25 cabs) Red Sox." Seems to me the "25 players, 25 cabs" reference was much more applicable to the Red Sox of the mid-Sixties, pre-1967.

But virtually no Shaughnessy column is complete without references to the Sox or the Pats or both.

And I was astounded to learn that President Obama's brother-in-law apparently beat the entire USC basketball squad singlehandedly at Oregon State.

Can we get a video of that, Dan?

Shank Logic: New England Only Extends to Rt. 128

Dan's in Minneapolis ostensibly to cover the Boston College Eagles' post-season efforts in the NCAA tournament (one-and-out, as it turns out).

Since his March 20th piece wasn't time stamped, there's no telling when Dan filed his column, but it wasn't posted to Boston.com Friday morning ... or maybe the Globe techies collectively lurking in their mothers' basements figured out a way to prevent me from accessing it in a timely manner here in Atlanta.

Be that as it may, Dan returns to his hackneyed ways with a trip down memory lane, invoking a variety of cultural icons and limiting the boundaries of New England to the 128 beltway. Then, in inimitable Shank fashion, he contradicts the basic premise of his story and proceeds to briefly outline the March Madness experiences of other men's hoop programs that -- technically, I guess -- exist in other parts of New England.

He begins, "Without the Eagles, New England would not be involved in an annual nationwide sports festival that has grown to monstrous proportions."

Huh?

After invoking the names of Forrest Gump and his sidekick, Bubba, he then morphs into extolling the tourney's popularity by trotting out "American Idol" and "Dancing with the Stars," mentions the president (of the U.S., not of BC), and lamented the fact that "nobody noticed" BC's No. 2 ranking in college football in 2007, because we all were hung over from the Red Sox World Series victory and caught up in the Patriots' march to 18-0.

Writes Dan, "New England's history in the NCAA basketball tourney is ancient and rare." Uh, last time I checked, Connecticut is actually considered a New England state ... and I seem to recall a couple of latter day NCAA championships trolled in by the UConn men from Storrs.

Combine that minor fact with this next Dannism, "This is BC's 10th NCAA Tournament appearance since 1994." Hardly ancient history, Danny Boy.

The Shankster also delivers this gem, "As every Worcester schoolchild knows, Holy Cross won the thing back in the day when Bob Cousy was a freshman on Mount St. James (1947)." Dan, perhaps you spent four years at Holy Cross, but you obviously never ventured off campus. Having spent the bulk of the Eighties living and working in Worcester, I know that 99 percent of the schoolchildren in that city only know that the Holy Cross campus is just on the other side of I-290. Trust me, the Crusaders' foray into the stratospheric regions of the NCAA tournament in the late 1940s isn't a staple of the Worcester school system.

So, what are we left with? Just another meandering column that Dan slapped together without doing any footwork. In other words, back to one of the trickster's basic templates. And they pay him to do this. Shame, shame.

Is Dan Feeling the Heat?

Dan turns in yet another good column March 18, on the Miami Heat's visit to Boston to face the Celtics Wednesday night.

The piece includes quotes from Heat coach Erik Spoelstra and the NBA's leading scorer, Dwayne Wade.

Too bad Shank is so distrusted by virtually all Boston-based pro athletes and most club officials that few will give him the time of day, hampering Shaughnessy's ability to produce such columns about Boston's pros...

It's an effective, well-written column without any references to Larry Bird, the Eighties or the straw men Shank loves to knock down. And no hackneyed cliches.

Makes one wonder if the editors at the Globe might be holding Shaughnessy's feet to the fire after a string of half-baked, half-assed columns he submitted during the latter part of the winter. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...