Catching Up Is Hard To Do - II

This is why Shank wins 'prestigious' awards - the Golden State Warriors came to town on Friday, with former LA Laker Luke Walton now working as an assistant coach for the Warriors. You know the drill by now - half of the column is a walk down Celtics memory lane, complete with multiple Larry Bird sightings.

Passive / Aggressive Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

During the Cleveland Cavaliers eventual 4 game sweep of the Boston Celtics, Shank takes his last shots at the Cleveland fans:

Much like the Patriots winning all the coin tosses, Shank seems the get the most troll mileage out of the small things.

Let The Debate Begin

LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers won a squeaker over the Boston Celtics last night. Shank naturally focuses his column on the man who gave us 'The Decision':

He looks older now. He really does. We’re not talking Morgan Freeman or Danny Glover in “Lethal Weapon 10,” but LeBron James will be 30 years old next month and he’s got a few lines on his face these days.

LeBron made his first trip back to the Garden as a Cleveland Cavalier Friday night and scored 41 points as the Cavs overcame an 18-point, fourth-quarter deficit and beat the Celtics, 122-121, in a wildy entertaining game that ended with Rajon Rondo dribbling out the clock as time expired.

So, LeBron's a good player. Thanks for sharing!

We live in an age of instant analysis and GOAT (greatest of all time). There is a rush to anoint the latest as the best and there’s been a premature push to position LeBron as the best basketball player of all time.

So, where does Shank come down on that question?

GOAT? We’ll look at LeBron again when he’s got some gray hair and a few more lines on his face.

Way to go out on a limb there....

Confusion over Winning Teams Throws Him for a Loss

Dan's at his worst -- and this is saying something -- when he falls back on his formula of comparing whichever team is that day's subject to the other Boston (or as he prefers "Hub") franchises.

Today's subject is the Bruins, so naturally we get a rundown of all the reasons (read: players) why the B's will be the guys to root for in 2014-15. There's no actual analysis, mind you; just a listing of the "name" players and management and a few shots at the other area teams, all of which is irrelevant because the Bruins don't, you know, actually play the Celtics or Red Sox or Patriots..

There's a moment in every Shank column where his prose makes the leap from vapid to plain goofy. Here's today's:

A Boston team that underachieves is generally condemned to a lifetime of abuse around here. Ask the 2011 Red Sox. Or the ’78 Sox. Or the 1970-71 Bruins. Those were powerhouses that folded at the finish. And they paid the price.

Does anyone mention the '78 Sox anymore? Or even 2011? Like Jim Beam at The Fours, World Series rings have a tendency to take the edge off. And who in the hell cares about the '70-71 Bruins? Talk about showing your age.

A complaint about a lack of winning local teams also falls on deaf ears. The Red Sox are not even a year away from a World Series Championship. The Patriots have made 10 playoffs in a row (the NFL's longest active streak) and are one year removed from the AFC Championship game.

Look closely, friends: This is what out of touch is.

The NBA Draft

The Celtics hold the #6 and #17 picks in tonight's NBA draft. Shank talks about the draft... by waxing nostalgic:

SPRINGFIELD — I am standing here in the uppermost Honor Ring of the planetarium-like Basketball Hall of Fame, looking at the images of all the great Celtics and thinking about how they were acquired in the days of Red Auerbach, when the draft was a little less sophisticated than it is today.

Hmmmm. There’s Bill Russell. He was pretty good. Red first heard about Russell from Bill Reinhart, who was Red’s college coach at George Washington. During the 1953-54 NCAA season, Russell’s San Francisco Dons crushed GW in a tournament in Oklahoma City. Russell was only a sophomore, but Auerbach got reports on the kid from Reinhart and his West Coast friends, Pete Newell, Freddy Scolari, and Don Barksdale.

DHL Dan - XXXII

Unwilling to rag on the Red Sox and their nine game losing streak, not having anything recent to use to beat the crap out of the New England Patriots, Shank sets his sights high:

Boston’s Green Team is tangled up in blue.

What a week for the local franchises. The Red Sox kindled memories of the Butch Hobson/Bobby Valentine days. We all know the Bruins should still be skating. It’s still impossible to walk by any television featuring the image of the Montreal Canadiens and New York Rangers in the Stanley Cup playoffs. Ugh.

So, what happened with the Celtics?

More bad luck. More nothing. And a creeping sensation that the Celtics might be bad and irrelevant for a while.

Shank basically took Wyc Grousbeck's appearance on 'Felger & Mazz' from earlier this week, added his trademark negative spin, throws in a few names of former Celtics players, and repeats the sentiment, widely and numerously mentioned on Boston sports media the past week, that we should trade the pick and do whatever it takes to land Kevin Love from the Minnesota Timberwolves, and throws it all into a column. How lazy is that?

Tankapalooza

Shank's first column in a week focuses on the Boston Celtics, who are looking for a high lottery pick this year.

The Celtics beat the once-great Pistons, 118-111, at the Garden Sunday night in front of a hearty sellout crowd.

Yowza. In Tankville parlance, we’d call this a 4-point game — in reverse. The Celtics move further away from the basement of the NBA and the Pistons inch closer to Boston among the bottom feeders.

And here’s a little fun fact to go along with the perverse thinking in the spring of 2014. Sitting on the Detroit bench Sunday night, inactive because of left knee surgery, No. 1 in your program, Mr. Chauncey Billups.

That name ring a bell? Billups represents all that can go wrong with tanking games.

Remember the Great Tank of 1996-97? M.L. Carr drove the Celtics right into the ground. They finished 15-67 (.183), easily the worst season in franchise history. And there was nothing subtle about it.

“M.L. meant business,’’ recalled Cedric Maxwell (No. 31 in the rafters). “He was the master. ‘You make a couple of baskets, young man? You are out of here. We are going down in flames.’ ’’

The Celtics went into the lottery with the best shot at getting the No. 1 pick. The target was Wake Forest center Tim Duncan, the best collegian in the land, a true franchise player. But instead of the No. 1 pick, the Celtics came away with the No. 3 pick. Instead of Duncan, they came away with Chauncey Billups. And that was the beginning and the end of Rick Pitino in Boston.

Losing for a purpose, dredging up past tankapalooza efforts, and mention of the two worst Celtics coaches (and one of their worst trades) in history - subject matter right up Shank's alley, because everything sucks!

The End Has Arrived

The New York Knicks won their first playoff series with Carmelo Anthony, beating the Celtics, 88-80.

Last call on Causeway Street.

The end of a game.

The end of a season.

The end of an era.

The Celtics came back from a 26-point deficit in the fourth quarter — cutting the margin to 4 — but could not catch the Knicks in Game 6 Friday night. Overrated ball hog Carmelo Anthony scored 7 straight points, snapped a string of 19 consecutive 3-point misses, and led the Knicks to an 88-80 victory over the gritty, graying Celtics.

Shank, in a pretty good column, then discusses the future of the Celtics, with the obligatory comparison to the other local teams:

Clearly, it is time to break up the old gang that brought one championship and multiple playoff wins since the start of the 2007-08 season. The Celtics have become the local team with the least amount of hope. Would anyone dispute the notion that the Patriots, Bruins, and Red Sox (yes, even them) are closer to a championship than the Celtics?

Would anyone dispute the notion that Shank will be raising similar issues, and conveniently forget what he wrote here, when the Bruins end their playoff run, or with the first three game losing streak by the Red Sox, or when he starts writing about the Patriots & trashing Bill Belichick in the process?

The End Was Near

The Celtics have staved off elimination in the NBA playoffs in two successive games, with yesterday's win coming at New York, 92 to 86. Shank's Thursday column is one of the few times a Red Sox reference is fitting.

NEW YORK — Perfect.

The Knicks are choking. They haven’t won a playoff series since 2000 and now they have a chance to be the first team in NBA history to blow a 3-0 series lead in a best-of-seven playoff. The wait of 13 years has become the weight of the basketball world.

Suddenly, Celtics-Knicks has morphed into Red Sox-Yankees, circa 2004. Carmelo Anthony is Alex Rodriguez. James Dolan is George Steinbrenner. Jason Terry is Dave Roberts, and Doc Rivers is Terry Francona. We’re not quite sure who’ll get to play Curt Schilling with the bloody sock. Game 6 is Friday night on Causeway Street and the Knicks are certain to be tighter than Kevin Brown before Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS.

No team in baseball ever came back from 3-0 . . . until the 2004 Red Sox did it against the Yankees. Now the Celtics have a chance to do the same thing . . . to the Knicks.

Throw in some good old-fashioned trash talking, and now you have an interesting and entertaining series.

Coming Out

In today's column, Shank discusses Jason Collins, former Boston Celtic, who announced yesterday that he is gay.

The big deal about this . . . is that it’s not a big deal.

Veteran NBA center Jason Collins came out of the closet Monday. In a first-person article for Sports Illustrated, Collins told the world that he is gay. He became the first active player in a major American sport to acknowledge his homosexuality.

And it is not a big deal. It is not Jackie Robinson in 1947. Collins has come out at a time when few will challenge his right to his own sexual identity. There no doubt are folks who wish Collins kept this to himself, but woe is the ballplayer or commentator who will question anything about Collins’s sexual orientation.

We have evolved. There are gay men and women in just about every workplace. There have been gay ballplayers for more than a century. We just didn’t know about it.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

Shank's Wednesday column on the Boston Celtics reflected on the team being down, 2 - 0, to the New York Knicks. Now that the Celtics are down 3 - 0, Shank recycles that column.

It’s ice time on Causeway Street. The Bull Gang can pack away the parquet after the Celtics and Knicks play Game 4 on Sunday. You don’t need Red on Roundball to tell you that this series is not coming back to Boston next week.

And what's a Shaughnessy column without a mention of Bill Belichick and cheap alliteration?

Draftmaster/sartorial savant Bill Belichick has a catch-all phrase for those rare occasions when the Patriots submit a terrible performance. The Hoodie will stand at the podium and mumble, “That’s not what we were looking for.’’

This is a polite explanation for what unfolded at the Garden on Friday. Fans came out to see the Celtics shake down the thunder from the banner-festooned rafters. Instead, they got another terrible performance from the Green Team. The Celtics were humbled by the Knicks, 90-76, and now face a potential season-ending Game 4. Two years after thumping their chests and sweeping the Knicks, the broom is on the other size-16 Nike.

Not what we were looking for.

Throw in a random Larry Bird reference for good measure:

It only got worse. Anthony (26 points on 12-for-25 shooting, no assists) was Michael Jordan and Larry Bird in the third and fourth quarters as the Knicks shot to a 21-point lead. He was the true Fab Melo. Every time the Knicks needed a basket, Anthony scored.

After two decent colums, Shanks reverts to form, or lack thereof...

The End Is Near

Hate to agree with Shank, but he may be right about this year's Boston Celtics.

NEW YORK — It feels like the end is near.

When Rajon Rondo went down with a torn ACL in late January, we all wrote the obituary for the 2012-13 Green Team. But then the Celtics started playing well again and we temporarily lost sight of the fact that they have little chance to advance in the playoffs this spring.

Tuesday night the Celtics were beaten, 87-71, in Game 2 of their first-round series with the overrated Knicks and now we are back to remembering what we felt when Rondo first went down.

It is not impossible, of course, for the Celtics to come back in this series. They’ve been down 0-2 and won a series before. They did it in in the spring of 1969 when Bill Russell and Sam Jones were getting ready to retire.

And now, for a little Rick Pitino flashback:

But it doesn’t feel like it’s going to happen this year. Bill Russell is not walking through that door. Sam Jones is not walking through that door. The Celtics scored 8 points in the fourth quarter of Game 1 and 23 points in the second half of Game 2. They shot an aggregate 14 for 63 in the second halves of the two losses.

Also of note - this is Shank's second consecutive quality column, which begs the question: are there any 'end of the world' prophecies in the near future we haven't heard about?

Oink, Oink

For those of us who've followed professional basketball for years, Shank's column on the New York Knicks' Carmelo Anthony states the fairly obvious.

NEW YORK — Overrated ball hog.

This is Carmelo Anthony. He doesn’t seem to be a bad guy. He is not the devil. He’s probably going to shoot the Knicks past the Celtics in the first round of these NBA playoffs.

But he’s not going to be an NBA champion. He’s not one of the all-time greats. He appears to be incapable of doing anything to help his team unless he has the ball in his hands.

Shank then reels off many past NBA champions, including Larry Bird, natch, and bolsters the above statements throughout a pretty good column.

Feeling The Heat

After watching last night's game between the Miami Heat and the Boston Celtics, Shank reflexively thinks of earlier times, like his favorite decade, the 1970's:

When it’s about NBA history, it always goes back to the Boston Celtics, the Los Angeles Lakers, and . . . Wilt Chamberlain.

The Miami Heat Monday night won their 23d consecutive game, recovering from a 13-point deficit in the final eight minutes in a spectacular 105-103 showcase triumph on the parquet floor. This was blood-and-thunder basketball for the full 48, easily the most entertaining game of the Causeway season. Subbing for Kevin Garnett, Jeff Green lit up the New Garden for 43 points, but it was not enough to keep the Heat from extending their winning streak.

Miami now trails only the 1971-72 Lakers, who won 33 in a row. Those Lakers had a center named Chamberlain. The Heat have the latter-day Wilt and his name is King LeBron James.

After a few paragraphs of discussing the actual game, Shank then proceeds to 1) piss off Celtics fans and 2) show an interesting interpretation of great NBA players:

Nobody around here likes to admit it, but Wilt was the greatest player in NBA history (sorry, ESPN, we know you kind of like Michael Jordan). We all know that Bill Russell was the greatest winner, but Wilt retired with all the individual records. He averaged 50 points a game in a season. Rules were changed to limit Chamberlain’s dominance. He was 7 feet 1 inch of muscle and athleticism.

LeBron reminds me of Wilt. Maybe it’s the headband. Maybe it’s the muscular frame. Maybe it’s the delight we take in seeing LeBron­ lose. That’s the way it was watching Wilt.

We know Wilt liked to score, but wasn't the knock on Wilt that he couldn't win the big games, and Russell could? Give me Russell or Jordan over Wilt any day, or when Game 7 of a playoff series is on the line.

Shank And The Boston Celtics

On January 5th of this year, Shank went to a Celtics game and wrote a column about their loss.

Then the Celtics rip off six straight wins.

Coincidence?

Wearin O' The Green

Shank's first column on the Celtics in over two months, unsurprisingly, comes after a loss.

I came to the Garden with the best of intentions.

Not that bad, I reasoned. The Celtics had lost seven of nine and were abysmal on a recent western road trip. They were two games under .500, not even playoff-worthy if the postseason had started New Year’s Day.

But I couldn’t believe it was that bad. Not after last year, and the year before. Those Celtics teams started slowly, then played great in the spring. They were a gift. They were aging overachievers. They had the right stuff. They were respected and feared, which is a great combination.

These 2012-13 Celtics?

Not so much.

Those of us who've been watching the Celtics with regularity in the same timespan could have told you anything Shank wrote in his column. And, hasn't Shank been harping on the age of the Celtics players, oh, for the past four years or so, and now he seems almost surprised at the result?

Alexandra 'Sasha' McHale

Shank's latest column talks about the recent passing of 'Sasha' McHale, Kevin McHale's daughter. Full article is at the link.

Tommy Points

Shank has a very good column on longtime Boston Celtic Tommy Heinsohn.

You know him as the color man on Celtics television broadcasts. You know him as Fred Flintstone barking about referees. You know him as a booming, opinionated guy who loves the Celtics and has no use for the lugs running up and down the floor in visitors uniforms.

He is Tommy Heinsohn, Mr. Celtics, an institution on Causeway Street.

What too many of you don’t know is that Heinsohn was one of the greatest Celtics of all time, and that he coached more Celtic seasons than any man other than Red Auerbach. In one way or another, Heinsohn has been part of the Celtics for 57 years.

He played when Johnny Most honked for the Celtics. And now he has become a hulking, ex-jock version of Most. Heinsohn is the ultimate homer and we love him for it. But there is so much more about him that you need to know.

Hop On The Green Line

Shank takes a walk down memory lane before tonight's Celtics home opener against the Milwaukee Bucks.

Ode to the Celtics.

Paul Pierce played with Antoine Walker, who played with Rick Fox, who played with Larry Bird, who played with Dave Cowens, who played with John Havlicek, who played with Bob Cousy.

This is one of the things I love about the Celtics. There are only five guys separating Truth from the Cooz.

Friday night is the 67th home opener for our local NBA franchise.

This is one of his better efforts in recent memory, aside from the following disingenuous paragraph:

But this current Celtics group has given us little to challenge. Wyc Grousbeck, Steve Pagliuca & Associates are fans, but they aren’t calling plays from the bench. They deliver a pretty good product. They haven’t insulted or pandered to their fans. We were skeptical about them in the early days, but as owners go, they have ranked surprisingly low on the buffoonery scale.

Robert Kraft has owned the New England Patriots since 1994. They have won numerous division titles since that time, have appeared in six Super Bowls in that time span and won three of them. Has Robert Kraft given 'us' little to challenge? Yes. Has that prevented Shank from taking all sorts of shots at Kraft? No bleepin' way - I can't link to all the examples.

John Henry & Tom Werner have been the lead owners of the Boston Red Sox since 2002. They have won two World Series championships since that time, when many fans would think they would pass on before the Red Sox would win a World Series, let alone two. Has this ownership group given 'us' little to challenge? Until September 2011, that answer would be yes. Has that prevented Shank from taking all sorts of shots at, let's face it, John Henry (since Tom Werner got Shank's daughter an internship four plus years ago)? Once again, no way in hell, and once again, I can't link to all the examples.

It's too bad Shank has to trash an otherwise good column with demonstrably false statements like the above paragraph.

Cold Shoulder, Side Of Bullshit

Shank stayed in Miami yesterday to cover the Heat's win over the Celtics, 120 - 107. Let's skip the game stuff and go straight to the Ray Allen story:

MIAMI — Does it really have to be like this?

Ray Allen didn’t like losing his starting job in Boston (to Avery Bradley - ed.). Ray didn’t like Rajon Rondo. He didn’t feel appreciated by the Celtics.

So Ray made a deal with the hoop devil. He signed with the Miami Heat.

And now Kevin Garnett gives him the Sicilian “you’re dead to me’’ attitude.

KG's reaction, or lack thereof, isn't exactly a secret - was Shank expecting KG to send flowers and a box of chocolates?

Allen’s role as a reserve with the Heat is somewhat amusing to Celtics fans who trash him for leaving because he was no longer a starter in Boston. Still, it’s understandable why he would go to Miami: it’s a shot at another ring, he’ll always be open, and the weather is significantly better than it was in his last four basketball outposts: Boston, Seattle, Milwaukee, and Storrs, Conn.

There's a wee bit more to the story than Shank lets onto, which may be understandable, given that this is Shank's first column on the subject.

Let's go ahead and watch the butchering of what's left of the column:

But the takeaway moment of opening night was the Big Chill from Garnett. It was a cold moment, almost Red Sox-ian.

Has anyone figured out why Shank needs to insert a Red Sox reference into nearly all of his columns?

And it made you wonder . . . why does it always end badly in Boston?

You know something? I wonder about that myself. You might want to ask Nomar Garciaparra about that. Or Manny Ramirez, or Theo Epstein, or Pedro Martinez, or Curt Schilling, or Roger Clemens, or...