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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Clementine

Shank returns from his late summer vacation to remind us that Roger Clemens isn't a complete asshole:

Let me tell you the story of Clementine.

Clementine is a 6-foot-tall white teddy bear that sits in a shed behind my house. Clementine is 16 years old and a little worn around the edges. The big bear is dirty, moth-ridden, and has duct tape covering holes where stuffing would come out.

Clementine came to our house in a giant cardboard box delivered in a UPS truck in the winter of 1993-94. When the driver and I discovered that the return address was “Katy, Texas,’’ we checked to see if the thing was ticking. Roger Clemens was no friend of mine, and I was concerned the box might contain a Trojan Horse or some other mayhem maker.

No. It contained a get-well gift for 8-year-old Kate Shaughnessy, who’d just been diagnosed with leukemia. There was an autographed baseball from Clemens and the big white bear. Kate smiled and named him/her Clementine. And Clementine stayed in her room until she graduated from college.
The rest of the column chronicles Clemens' baseball career and his current federal grand jury indictment.

It's little wonder Shank didn't bury Clemens with this column...

3 comments:

girlanachronism said...

So...okay. Jacoby Ellsbury is an asshole because he has broken ribs and sat out because of that, but the guy who took steroids, pitched for the Yankees and perjured himself before Congress is actually not that bad a guy? I understand he "was not the face of evil" when he pitched here in the 80's. Dan writes that as if nobody in his audience remembers it, but I think most of us do. That was then. This is now -- and our impression of him has changed drastically, for very good reasons.

Anonymous said...

I was old enough to remember Clemens in his prime ... I recall I lost all repsect for him when, durng a big game, he wore a black turle neck under his uniform with the word "Rocket" around it.

It seemed he wanted to be bigger and more important than the team.

This is just my opinion and I don't get paid to sway the readers one way or another.

Nice "Shitck' by the Shank to throw in his daughter's leukemia to gain some sympathy from his audience for Clemens.

Can't wait for the Shank to write to Congress describing how Clemens is not that bad a guy.

Shank will lead the charge for "Clemency"

g

mike_b1 said...

Wonder if The CHB remembers writing this --

"But on this day of new beginnings and inestimable wealth, there was no glory, no grace in either Toronto or Boston. Clemens bolted Boston and he spit on Fenway on his way out the door.
... He took $31.1 million. And he dumped all over the Boston Red Sox, who were good to him for 13 big league seasons. (Dec. 14, 1996)

-- or this --

“Fourteen starts. Three wins. Roger Clemens is never going to be confused with Mr. October. Clemens is Wilt Chamberlain and the postseason is one gigantic free throw." (Oct. 8, 2000)