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Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Tuna

As the Miami Dolphins make their way to Foxborough today, Shaughnessy uses his space to discuss Bill Parcells and his latest reclamation project. For the first couple of paragraphs, it seems like Dan might play it straight and talk about Parcells and the Dolphins going forward but then it devolves into a somewhat angry look backward about Parcells, the Krafts, BB (the former HC of the NYJ), etc.

Since Parcells won't talk to him (or apparently to anyone in the media), Shaughnessy retraces well worn steps. One sentence up front immediately made me laugh:

He makes $4 million per year. He does whatever he wants and the owner leaves him alone. Pretty good work, if you can get it.

Revise the salary, change "owner" to "publisher" and Shaughnessy could be writing an autobiographical sketch.

Shaughnessy gets several digs in on the Krafts including a nasty little zinger where he asks if the Krafts are sitting on phone books when they watch the games. He also says it is conveniently ignored that it was James Orthwein who started the renaissance of the Patriots and not the Krafts. By whom?

After a string of a couple of nice articles here and there, Shaughnessy reverts to form....bitter and lazy but raking in a nice paycheck all the while. Pretty good work, if you can get it.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

One of those articles where you see deep down what an A hole CHB is. He simply can't help himself.

roger bournival said...

That's right, girls and boys; these Miami Dolphins are Tuna's Fish.

Condescension worthy of our favourite commenter and a lame joke to boot. And it's only the third sentence!

Objectivebruce said...

The New England Patriots have more fair-weather-fans than any other franchise in professional sports.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays may challenge that title, but the Patsies own it hands down.

The New England Patriots have more fans intolerant of a word of criticism of their heroes than any other franchise in professional sports.

In light of all this, today's was an excellent column, and a much-needed one.

mike_b1 said...

"The New England Patriots have more fair-weather-fans than any other franchise in professional sports."

That sounds like a line right out The CHB's mouth. Cynical, totally unnecessary, certainly false and yet competely unprovable.

Well done, OB, well done.

Anonymous said...

More venom from one of New England's saddest and most petty of men....

Parcells is the man behind the curtain? As in the Wizard of Oz, a fraud con artist?

Even his harshest critics not nicknamed CHB would admit he has improved every team he has worked with and is a sure first ballot Hall of Fame coach. Who exactly got conned Shank? Or is it in fact you trying to run one on the hometown fans Master Shaughnessy?

By the way Dan, that weak tie in between Tony Sparano and Tony Sopranno was handled far more adroitly months ago by your fellow ESPN minion Kenny Mayne. Make at least some attempt at being original to justify what I understand is a shockingly large pay check please!

Monkeesfan said...

Bruce, there are no "fair-weather fans" with the Patriots. Objecting to criticisms come when those criticisms are inaccurate.

Some facts about Parcells are in order here -

Parcells goes to situations [i]he knows are good.[/i] This 38-13 massacre of the Patriots graphically illustrates this - Parcells has a team that was much better than they looked at 1-15, so as it gets better he gets more credit for making it better than he really deserves.

The Al From Everetts out there like to blame the Krafts for running Parcells out of town - it was Parcells who ran himself out of town. He had control of personnel in the last Orthwein year and the first two years of Kraft ownership - and the Patriots went 21-27 in that 1993-5 span; the 1994 season was 10-6 more because Parcells let Bledsoe run the offense (especially starting in the second half of the Vikings comeback game when Parcells tore up his gameplan and told Bledsoe to sling the ball in the no-huddle offense) than because Parcells was all that good as a coach; he even admitted to Felger after 1995 that he didn't coach well that season.

Parcells lost control of personnel because he didn't run it that well - the Patriots drafted well but head scout Bobby Grier deserved significant credit for that; Parcells' free-agent signings weren't all that good (Reyna Thompson, Blair Thomas (?), and Myron Guyton stood out as dubious free agents) - and Kraft was tired of Parcells not committing to a long-term plan.

The Krafts understood the long-term big picture of the NFL better than Parcells - this is why his 1990s Jets teams ultimately flamed out with just one playoff appearence and one game win in his tenure, why his Cowboys teams never won a playoff game, and why the Dolphins will become better but won't go anywhere as a playoff team - and it is why the Krafts have three Superbowl titles and by far the best-run organization in the NFL.

Kraft ultimately was right and Parcells was wrong. It is a fact Shank apparantly remains in denial about.

Objectivebruce said...

Gee, boys, from the way it sounded on the TV, things got pretty quiet at the stadium when the Pats were getting toasted. Somehow, I can't see the fans at the Dawg Pound, or Denver or the Meadowlands sitting on their hands and sulking as it appeared the Pats "faithful' did Sunday, especially as Miami drove to its third touchdown.

Fortunately, the dejected fans could tend to their disappointment by dropping a few quid at the Kraft-O-Rama, perhaps diving into those tasty $21 pork chops at the TV Network Bar and Grille no doubt still giddy with excitement over the "re-induction" (kind of like being re-virginized) marketing ploy for the Kraft-O-Rama Hall of Fame.

Objectivebruce said...

Gee, boys, from the way it sounded on the TV, things got pretty quiet at the stadium when the Pats were getting toasted. Somehow, I can't see the fans at the Dawg Pound, or Denver or the Meadowlands sitting on their hands and sulking as it appeared the Pats "faithful' did Sunday, especially as Miami drove to its third touchdown.

Fortunately, the dejected fans could tend to their disappointment by dropping a few quid at the Kraft-O-Rama, perhaps diving into those tasty $21 pork chops at the TV Network Bar and Grille no doubt still giddy with excitement over the "re-induction" (kind of like being re-virginized) marketing ploy for the Kraft-O-Rama Hall of Fame. Or maybe it's the MISTER Kraft-O-Rama. I keep forgetting his beatification.

mike_b1 said...

How does "things got quiet" during a rout equate to "more fair-weather fans than any other franchise in professional sports?"

Btw, I recall a very empty Fleet Center when the Celtics and Bruins have sucked. The Pats fans may have "got quiet" today...but at least they showed up.

Dave M said...

OB

What about today's column was excellent? Why was it much needed? What did Shaughnessy contribute to the dialogue? I am sure you won't answer. You will obfuscate as you are so prone to do.

The Patriots got humiliated today and you know what I am not in the depths of depression. Life goes on. My life does not center around the Patriots and I don't worship at the altar of the Kraft Family as you seem to intimate in your idiotic postings. Shaughnessy is a lazy writer and he carries a chip on his shoulder. He is insanely jealous of the Krafts and it is just sad that we have to watch his pettiness play out in the pages of the Globe.

Anonymous said...

OB:

Lived in Denver for years. When the Broncos were losing, Mile High got so quiet you could hear Shank put the knife in. Try again, bunky!

How's the OFD sticker on your Volvo holding up?

Your pal,

Timmy

Anonymous said...

He's stooped to *short jokes*?

How . . . sad.

Monkeesfan said...

Bruce, you repeated yourself - just like Shank.

BTW, you can't see the fans at the Meadowlads sitting on their hands sulking? What a fool you are - the Meadowlands is better known for no-shows than for sellouts.

And one question - how is the atros Hall Of Fame marketing ploy?

Objectivebruce said...

Neither Mile High Stadium nor the Meadowlands ever turned into a morgue with its team riding an historic winning streak but on the verge of being beaten by the acknowledged worst or second-worst team in the conference.

But that's exactly what happened in Foxborough on Sunday.

Anonymous said...

Bruce,

Please answer my questions

What about this column was excellent? Why was it much needed? What did Shaughnessy contribute to the dialogue?

Dave M

Anonymous said...

OB:

Okay, maybe if I say it slowly?

Mile High turned into a morgue
every time the Broncos were
losing, it didn't matter who they
were playing. You don't know
what you're talking about

Okay, bunky? Okay!

Your pal,

Timmy

P.S.: Love the old school spelling of Foxboro! What's your favourite colour?

Monkeesfan said...

Bruce, they absolutely turned into morgues as you claim they didn't; the Meadowlands especially is the bastion of fraud football fans - heck, in the 38-14 rout of the Jets when Hobbs ran back the opening kick of the second half, over half the crowd was already gone from a home game of what had been a playoff team the previous January.

What part don't you understand?