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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

More Yankee? No Thankee

I cringed when Dan's column appeared yesterday, worried that it portended three (or four) straight overwrought pieces on the Yankees-Red Sox series this week.

Thankfully, he didn't write today (maybe there is a God), thus sparing all of us from the episodic narcolepsy his work brings on.

Yesterdays' column was his usual pre-series rundown of all the mindless stats comparing the two teams. Simply mind-numbing.

Just as predictably, he dragged out all the side stories between the teams over the past few years, plus a few that had nothing to do with the rivalry.

Pursuant to the latter, for example, he recalled "Theo Epstein's Machiavellian power play," as if Theo sat around conjuring up ways to trick John Henry into handing his the reins to the ballclub ("I bet if I quit my job, John Henry would have to make me the GM. Wouldn't that be clever? ... [A few months later] ... Oh wait, I already was the GM. Oops!") Is Shaughnessy really Geraldo Rivera with makeup and a perm?

And there was the obligatory discussion of Johnny Damon's departure: "Damon last winter became ... the latest in a century-long line of Red Sox stars who went to New York searching for fame, fortune, and a championship ring." Somehow it escapes The CHB that Damon already had all of that.

It's getting harder and harder to stick up for the guy.

Fuzzy math watch: "New York's lineup is simply spectacular (Bernie Williams batting ninth?)" Over the past two seasons (161 games, 545 at-bats) Williams is hitting a collective .246 with 13 homeruns and an OBP of .317. Yeah, he's another Babe Ruth.) On April 1 last year, The CHB called Williams "decaying," adding, "We expect poor Bernie to calcify in mid-stride sometime this season, much like Artis Gilmore in his final days." Wonder what changed?

Spoke-too-soon watch: "The Red Sox, meanwhile, appear vulnerable, never more than when Josh Bard tries to catch Tim Wakefield's knuckler, as he will tonight." Bard was traded before the game for Doug Mirabelli, who fielded the position flawlessly last night.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I noticed this glaring error:
"Damon last winter became a direct descendant of Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Sparky Lyle, and Babe Ruth -- the latest in a century-long line of Red Sox stars who went to New York searching for fame, fortune, and a championship ring."

Come on. Any Sox fan worth his salt knows that Babe Ruth was "sold" to the Yankees, and Sparky Lyle was traded to them. Neither "went" to New York. It's more like they were sent to New York.
And in Ruth's case, he wouldn't have been searching for a championship ring because by 1918 the Red Sox had won five World Series and the Yankees had yet to win their first.

What a tool.

The Chief said...

True. When the Sparky Lyle (for Danny Cater and, eventually, Mario Guerrero) trade was made, in 1972, the Yankees' last pennant had been 1964, and the team had had only two winning records since.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and one more thing: Yesterday's sports page provided an excellent juxtaposition of a good columnist [Ryan] and a bad one [the CHB].

As tired as I am of the Damon returns saga, Ryan actually went to the trouble of [gasp!] interviewing people - Joe Torre, Damon - and providing some interesting insight/stats about the Yanks.

Dan, on the other hand, recycles some of his trademark garbage and offers readers one measly quote - from a boxer[!] who last fought 52 years ago.

What a schmuck.

The Chief said...

Not to mention that the immortal Bubba Crosby, and not Bernie Williams, batted ninth last night

jenny said...

Chief, you missed the grammatical error! It actually says "the Theo Epstein's Machiavellian power play." I think Dan's copy editor has given up. I honestly think we're going to be forced to read shots like these until Theo joins the AARP and Lucchino is long-dead. Maybe Dan will retire first. One can only hope.

I also loved this in reference to the Damon hatred: "It's absurd, of course, but that is the nature of the Nation."

This is after he spent 3 paragraphs talking about what an arrogant, ugly asshat Damon is (I happen to agree, and agreed long before he left for the MFY; just read his book and you'll know why). Gee, Dan, give us 956 reasons to hate him, act like you do as well, and then tell us it's absurd to hate him? WTF?

dbvader said...

Oh, and one more thing: Yesterday's sports page provided an excellent juxtaposition of a good columnist [Ryan] and a bad one [the CHB].

EVERY Ryan column is a juxtaposition of a good columnist with CHB. Check out Ryan's column on Taylor Twellman. Shank could never offer up a piece on any non-major sport, yet alone offer any insight.

Anonymous said...

Anyone remember that time the CHB got his panties in a knot over the Coke bottles on the Green Monster installed by the the old ownership, then made snippy comments about them for years? Now they've done everything but put a working ferris wheel atop the center field scoreboard and you don't hear from CHB anymore. Wonder why.

fadedredsoxhat said...

BECAUSE HE'S A HACK!!!!

Eric said...

the chief, love your blog. I have been lurking for a while.

Inspired by your site, I actually started the Steve Buckley Watch.

I think he needs to be critiqued as well.

http://stevebuckleywatch.blogspot.com/

fadedredsoxhat said...

Good luck with that, Eric. I havent been back to Boston in 3 years and I'm not shocked to find out that Buckley hasn't slowed down. Good thing he's not on shows like The Sports Reporters or Around The Horn. They already have thier share of windbags. Sorry Chief, you dont inspire me to write a Seattle Sports Media Blog. The press here is too laid back to be blog worthy.

fadedredsoxhat said...

I hope Thursday's column was a death wish, Chief!!!!