Save The Environment By Recycling!

Shank follows up his Thursday Globe David Ortiz column with a Monday David Ortiz column at the CNN / SI website. He borrows aplenty from the Thursday column, updates it for a few more weak Ortiz games, and voila! It's nice to know Shank cares enough about his environment to recycle.

This one from the CNN / SI article jumped out at me (emphasis added):

There's also speculation that he used performance-enhancing drugs. Last summer The New York Times revealed that Ortiz was among one of the 104 major leaguers who tested positive when all players submitted to drug testing in 2003. The Major League Players Association rushed to Ortiz' defense and childish Sox owner John Henry stated, "David said he didn't do it,'' but the damage was done.

While I don't expect Shank to be a lapdog to ownership, his current attitude towards Henry stands in sharp contrast to this column from October 2008. With respect to this one item, my opinion of Shaughnessy is somewhere between 'typical Shank backstabbing' and 'classless prick'.

Man For All Seasons

Shank keeps the Boston College theme going for another article, writing about BC's athletic director Gene DeFilippo and the 24 / 7 search for a basketball coach that resulted in the hiring of Cornell's Steve Donahue.

We Are The Champions

Boston College wins its fourth national championship in hockey last night, defeating Wisconsin 5 - 0. Shank waxes ecstatic about the composition of the team:

The BC goalie is from East Falmouth. One of the captains is from Milton, Massachusetts. They’ve got players from Weymouth, Boxford, Springfield, Reading, Braintree, Dorchester, Shrewsbury, and Needham. They’ve got a skater from Biddeford, Maine, and another one from Wallingford, Conn.

Oh, the coach is a New Englander, too. Try to find somebody in Watertown who hasn’t bumped into Jerry York at the Dunkin’ Donuts on Mt. Auburn Street.

So glad Shank's shredding that parochial New England attitude...

Hockeytown

Shank pens a pair of pretty good articles about Boston College's hockey team and the senior captains (three from the hockey team, one from the baseball team) that share the same dorm room / apartment on the BC campus.

BC plays the Badgers of Wisconsin tonight for the college hockey championship. Win or lose, expect Shank to make at least one cheesy reference in tomorrow's column.

Go Eagles!

The Decline And Fall

...of David Ortiz is the topic du jour of Shank's Thursday column. Although it may seem shortsighted to give Ortiz this much scrutiny this early into the season, there were plenty of signs over the past two years that Ortiz has peaked as a batter, so Shank's not exactly treading new ground here. Maybe Ortiz turns it around, maybe he doesn't, but there's not a lot of room for optimism on this subject.

Two Down, 160 To Go

Shank recaps the last two Red Sox games. While there are many good points made in the article, Shank can barely contain his glee when sarcastically writing about the 'Run Prevention Sox':

■ You knew it was going to be bad when the Run Prevention Sox made their first error of 2010. And it was. The Sox and Yankees were locked in a 4-4 game in the eighth last night when Derek Jeter hit a routine grounder to short with two on and two out. Marco Scutaro’s throw bounced in front of Kevin Youkilis and everybody was safe.

What could we say other than, “Lugo would have made the play, Renteria would have made the play, Nick Green would have made the play’’? Naturally, Hideki Okajima walked the next batter and the Yankees went ahead, 5-4, on the way to a 6-4 win. It’ll probably be Boston’s only unearned run all season, but it hurt nonetheless.

Shank writes about Odd Couples:

■ There’s a catching problem in New York. Last night’s Yankee battery featured Burnett throwing to Jorge Posada. This is like pairing Nomar Garciaparra and Curt Schilling on the set of “Baseball Tonight.’’ It’s awkward. It’s two guys who don’t work well together and don’t care for one another.

You learn something new every day!

Shank then sets his sights on Red Sox ownership:

■ The Sox’ home sellout streak reached 552 last night. Boston’s immature owners (Tom Werner went on NESN’s pregame show last night and twice spanked “journalists’’ who raised questions about the club’s operation) want us to promote the brand and tell you that everything is swell in Red Sox Nation. But the sellout streak is in jeopardy, and some serious house-papering will be needed to keep the streak going this year.

So an owner defends his team against 'journalists', and somehow that makes him immature? Maybe there's something in those interviews that we didn't see, but don't you think Shank's probably taking this one personally? When I think immature owners, Mark Cuban comes to mind, and that's about it.

These dinosaur media types really hate it when they're challenged, don't they?

Dancin' With The Shanks

Shank's latest column focuses on yesterday's dog and pony show, know to the rest of us as Tiger Woods' latest press conference.

One of yesterday’s questions started with, “Tiger, after what you’ve been through the last five months . . .’’

Stop. This is not a guy coming back from flying 39 combat missions over Korea. This is not a guy coming back from leukemia or a death in the family. Let’s admit that some of the salacious stuff is none of our business, but could we please not paint Tiger Woods as a comeback hero? I fear that’s the way it’s going to be framed this week at friendly Augusta (“A tradition like no other’’).

It’s always been about image with Tiger and it’s no different now.

While I largely agree with these sentiments, compare and contrast this article with Shank's previous column on Tiger. It's fair to say the previous article stands in contrast with the current article.

In the middle of the 35-minute session, Tiger looked out at the group and said, “A lot of my friends are in here. A lot of you in here are my friends and will always be my friends.’’

Geez. Nomar and Schill never said that to me.

I think the word Shank is looking for here is 'asshole'.

When faced with a couple of tougher questions, Tiger went to his Bill Belichick playbook.

Asked what he was in treatment for, Woods said, “That’s personal. Thank you.’’

When Shank compares your answer to Bill Belichick, you know exactly where you stand with Shank. In the doghouse.

Red Sox Lead The A.L. East

Shank recaps last night's 9-7 Red Sox win over the Yankees. Even with the target rich environment of Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling and Nomar Garciaparra, there were no cheap shots to be had in the column. Must be the Opening Day spirit...

Play Ball!

Shank hearlds the unofficial beginning of spring as the Red Sox take on the Yankees to open the 2010 season. It's a decent enough article, although it reads a bit tedious and underwhelming.

Running The Numbers

Shank doesn't actually run the numbers (that would be too much work), but he uses a few hundred words to say this:

Welcome to the world of run prevention and the quantification of defense. Say hello to your 2010 Red Sox, who will try to convince you that a team with Mike Cameron in center and Jacoby Ellsbury in left is better than a team with Ellsbury in center and Jason Bay (36 homers, 119 RBIs) in left.

Thus the template for the 2010 Boston Red Sox is set. If / when the Red Sox lose a couple of low-scoring games, he'll bang out a few columns citing the lack of offense as the reason while saying "I told you so". It's nice to know the lineup in advance...

A Righteous Column By Shaughnessy

Just read it.

Shank Goes National

Writing the obligatory underdog column about last night's Cornell (+8.5) vs. Kentucky basketball game results in lots of positive feedback from Wildcat fans:

■“You can have Boston, the Northeast, Ted Kennedy, and the Red Sox.’’

■“I’d be hard-pressed to think of a more inane, pointless profession than a sports writer — Wait, I got it . . . how about signholder — you know the guy who holds a small placard and stands right outside of the business he’s promoting. That guy . . . that’s who you are Dan.’’

■“You and many others, especially the eastern and northeastern press, love to hammer lowly ‘hillbilly’ Kentucky for no reason while lettin the same stuff we are accused of go unreported with northeastern teams.’’

■“You should be ashamed of your elitist self. Tough job market? For the Ivy League Cornell players, that’s laughable. Try the job market for Kentucky seniors. The Cornell players have been handed everything their entire lives.’’

■ “While many people in my state can only laugh at your intolerable lack of sports knowledge and your ‘please pick me’ infatuation with appealing to people’s underdog bones, I actually feel pity for you.’’

■“Your [sic, told you] a disgrace to your paper and your readers. Know your facts a little better before you go and play the ‘world against Cornell’ role up next time. Also, what exactly are you implying by using the words ‘bags of cash’ to run a Kentucky program?

■ “Boston makes Mississippi and Alabama look progressive on race relations — proud of that, are ya?’’

■“I am a graduate of the University of Kentucky from the year of our Lord 2008, and I take superlative umbrage to your comments regarding the Cornell/UK basketball game.’’

Thanks to Shank, the image of the stodgy, elitist New Englander is further entrenched...

Grinding The Axe

Following Nomar Garciaparra's 'retirement' as a member of the Red Sox last week, Shank dreams up other Red Sox retirement scenarios involving Roger Clemens, Manny Ramirez, Grady Little and Jurrasic Carl Everett, with some sand kicked in the face of Lou Merloni.

The one word summary - pathetic.

Lack of Effort

That's Shank's basic complaint about the Bruins in their 3-0 loss to Pittsburgh on Thursday night.

Two thoughts: I have a similar feeling after reading this column. And Shank has this knack for kicking a team when they're down...

Dave M Calls It

Well, not a tough call, mind you, but Dave M. comments in the previous thread:

I can hear Shaughnessy now - "he quit on the Sox" - "lasting image of him sulking as he watched Jeter dive over the rail...."; "he was never happy in boston" " he hated the media"; and "it's insidious to think he would actually work for espn" etc etc

God, please spare us

Let's see how close this prediction measures up to reality:

Dan Shaughnessy

In historically bad taste here

----------

Great player.

Total fraud.

Welcome home, Nomie.

I hate to be the turd fly in the punch bowl here, but yesterday’s lovefest involving Nomar Garciaparra and the Red Sox was truly nauseating. If Nomar had been hooked up to a polygraph, the machine would have exploded.

Funny how a guy who delighted in taking shot after shot at Nomar can write the following with no hint of irony:

Do not be fooled. Life is long and people change. There is certainly every possibility that Nomar has matured and will henceforth pledge allegiance to Boston and spread the Gospel of the Red Sox. But it’s downright fraudulent to deny or ignore how bad this relationship was at the end. Nomar hated Boston and the Red Sox in 2004, and the Sox knew they had to get rid of him if they had a chance to win a World Series. It was nasty and personal and it was obvious to everyone who was around the team in that iconic season.

Shank amply contributed to the situation he now mocks as fraudulent. I'd say that's a pretty strong example of hypocrisy, yes?

In yesterday’s sorry spirit of disingenuousness and hypocrisy, Garciaparra announced that he has taken a job with ESPN. This makes him a member of the media, which is like Sarah Palin telling us she is going to be chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

One wonders if Shank can review his columns on Nomar over the years and reach the same conclusion.

Walking Tall

Shank returns from sunny Fort Myers to watch Cohasset high school win its second girls basketball state championship. As with nearly all his articles that don't deal with professional athletes, it is well written and venom free. There's a bonus Red Auerbach mention; unfortunately there's no room for the obligatory Larry Bird reference.

Two In The Hat

The suddenly prolific Shank bangs out two more columns this weekend, profiling Jonathan Paplebon, or, as Yosemite Sam used to say in the last century:

It was the first time we’d seen the big galoot since he was pummeled in the final inning of the 2009 season - the one and only hiccup in an illustrious postseason career.

I think that was a compliment; we'll know for sure if Paplebon blows a few saves.

Shank then recycles a theme from two weeks ago, decrying the blandness of hanging out in nice weather for a few weeks. It shows up in this column, as he gets pissy about blog boys, robotic Sox players, cliché-talkin Sox players, The Bland Sox, pink hats, and (wait for it)...

Much as it kills me to say this, the Bland Sox could use a guy like the Big Blowhard right about now.

What's also bland is using the same theme from two weeks ago to write this column.

Believe The Hype

Shank lays it on thick in yesterday's column, discussing a young pitching prospect for the Sox:

FORT MYERS, Fla. - It was only one inning. It was against a college team. But maybe someday we’ll tell our grandchildren about it. Maybe someday City of Palms Park will be renamed “Casey Kelly Field.’’

...

And now he is a 20-year-old starter getting more hype than perhaps any pitcher in the Sox system since Roger Clemens was drafted after winning the 1983 College World Series at the University of Texas.

Kelly is 6 feet 3 inches, 195 pounds, and keeps his hair Hoosier-short. Everything about him says “future ace.’’ He is the second-highest-ranked Baseball America prospect in the Sox system. But unlike the young Clemens, he is poised, well-mannered, respectful, and cheerful. Kelly said the thing that made him most nervous yesterday was throwing to a veteran like Victor Martinez. He said Martinez wanted the young pitcher to shake him off a couple of times to confuse the hitters. Kelly couldn’t do it. Too green. Too polite.

Night In The Ruts

Proving once again that a week in Red Sox training camp means running out of things to write, Shank poses the eternal question:

FORT MYERS, Fla. - Cup or no cup? That is the question.

It’s a delicate issue regarding a delicate area. The punch lines are infinite, but it’s not funny when a guy gets hit in his testicles and he’s not covered by the triangular hard-shell plastic designed to protect a man’s private parts.

I think I should have put a cup on before reading this article...

Aces High

In today's column Shank has few questions about the Red Sox starting pitching.

FORT MYERS, Fla. - Three aces. Three guys who won the deciding game of a World Series. All before the age of 25.

Jon Lester was 23 when he got the start in the fourth game of the 2007 World Series. He pitched 5 2/3 shutout innings, allowing three hits and walking three with three strikeouts. Lester was the winning pitcher in the Red Sox’ 4-3 clincher at Coors Field.

Josh Beckett was 23 when he took the ball for the Marlins in the sixth game of the 2003 World Series at Yankee Stadium. He pitched a five-hit shutout, beating the Yankees, 2-0, and was named Series Most Valuable Player. He was the youngest pitcher (23 years 5 months 10 days) to win a deciding Series game since Bret Saberhagen in 1985.

Rookie Angels righty John Lackey had just turned 24 when he started the seventh game of the 2002 Series against the Giants. Lackey went five innings, giving up one run on four hits and fanning four before turning a 4-1 lead over to Brendan Donnelly. Lackey faced Barry Bonds twice that night, getting Bonds on a liner to short, then surrendering an infield hit to the single-season home run king in the fourth inning. Lackey became the first rookie starter to win a seventh game of the Series since the immortal Babe Adams beat the Tigers for Pittsburgh in 1909.

Behold! The return of the most annoying adjective in Shank's arsenal!

It's refreshing to see him acknowledge the obvious strength of the Red Sox, at least this week.