DHL Dan - LXXVII - The Game

Shank makes another trip to the post office to mail shit in:

At about 9:30 Saturday morning in front of Gate D on Jersey Street, I saw a man and a woman both dressed in full-length raccoon coats, wearing Harvard scarfs.

Boola Boola comes to Fenway.

There's that dumb catchphrase again - don't they teach you at journalism school not to be repetitive?

Three and a half weeks ago, we had Dodgers vs. Red Sox in Game 2 of the World Series at our ancient Back Bay cathedral. Saturday it was the 135th playing of the Harvard-Yale game with Harvard winning, 45-27, in front of 34,675, including Thurston Howell III and Lovey.

Talk about seriously dating yourself with the Gilligan's Island reference - that show ended when I was two and a half years old.

Read on if you want to read about other non-baseball events at Fenway Park and more Harvard / Yale Ivy League snob bullshit.

Interesting Word Choice

Whenever I hear the word “decorum” the first thing I think of is Donald Trump.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 16, 2018

An interesting comment, coming from a columnist who 'Once ripped on a mentally-disabled ballplayer (Jeff Stone) for his lack of intelligence', referred to Carl Everett as 'the Ebola virus of the Red Sox clubhouse', called Jose Offerman 'a piece of junk', and called David Ortiz 'a sad sack of you-know-what'. This is breathtaking hypocrisy on Shank's part.

A Time To Worry?

Shank's first column on the Boston Celtics this season comes after a brutal road trip:

The Celtics live a charmed life around here. Seldom is heard a discouraging word. It is as if the Auerbach-Russell-Havlicek-Bird decades pooled a reservoir of goodwill that quenches the thirst of fans and media tough guys deep into a new century.

The Celtics operate with relative immunity from the everyday noise and negativity that touches our other three successful franchises. Think about it: Nobody ever makes fun of the Celtics owners.

That's off limits to Shank, but Robert Kraft is fair game.

Nobody calls them cheap or complains about ticket prices. Basketball boss Danny Ainge is praised nonstop for his vision and brilliance, and coach Brad Stevens is universally hailed as a homespun Hoosier successor to John Wooden or even Red himself.

Meanwhile, the Patriots are held to an impossibly high standard,

Really hard to understand how that came to be the case, isn't it?

the Red Sox are questioned by a region of baseball know-it-alls, and proud hockey krishnas are ever-ready to carry pitchforks to Causeway Street if things are not swell with the Bruins.

But it’s always boola boola for the Green Team.

Which brings us to a surprisingly rough patch for the prematurely anointed 2019 NBA Eastern Conference champs.

I'm not sure too many people were saying that last month, but they're not saying it much right now, at a current record of 7 - 6. The rest of the column is readable, but just note the contrast of this column versus some of the Red Sox columns during their playoff run this year as well as every other column about the Patriots during the last fifteen years.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXIII

There's a few more empty desks at the Globe:

The @BostonGlobe lays off 15, including five in the newsroom. Among those cut: @GlobeHorowitz. @BosBizDon reports (paywall): https://t.co/WAPJAlRkOt

— Dan Kennedy (@dankennedy_nu) November 12, 2018

Great Gameday Calls, By Dan Shaughnessy

Presented without comment:

Mike Vrabel about to forget everything he knows about football for the next 3 1/2 hours

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 11, 2018

DHL Dan - LXXVI

Asking the oft-repeated questions:

Could the Patriots have done more with Aaron Hernandez, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while wondering why everyone who coaches against Bill Belichick loses his football mind (your turn, Mike Vrabel) . . .

How'd it work out the last time the Patriots played against one of their former coaches, Shank? Care to revise your statement?

■ For those of you who were caught up in the Red Sox ride, or perhaps too busy to read the Globe Spotlight’s team’s six-part series on Aaron Hernandez, here are some nuggets you might have missed: Remember the “safe house” in Franklin where Hernandez stored ammunition and drugs, a few miles from the North Attleborough home he shared with his fiancée and infant daughter? Based on Belichick’s own statements when he was interviewed by the State Police after Odin Lloyd’s murder, the Patriots helped Hernandez find the flop house.

Shank has a habit of bringing up Aaron Hernandez every now and then when the need arises.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXII

A day that will live in infamy...

Looks like they're taking down the letters of the old @BostonGlobe today. @universalhub pic.twitter.com/PFSIRR7jyL

— Uncle Joey (@skituate) November 8, 2018

'Objective' Bruce is probably refilling his meds as we speak!

The Greatest Red Sox Team Evah!

Since the New England Patriots won in pretty convincing fashion last night, Shank is contractually prohibited from writing a column about that subject. Instead, he'll tell us which team is the greatest in Red Sox history:

It’s been a less than a week since the Duck Boats carried our 2018 Red Sox down Boylston Street’s Canyon of Heroes. We’ve basked in after-parties and watched the CoraMen visit Puerto Rico and flash bling at Celtics and Patriots games. We’ve ordered 119-win swag from the Globe store and await a stash of commemorative Red Sox stuff at holiday time.

The 2018 Red Sox are beloved and bejeweled, a role model for Team Above Self. New England will forever remember them fondly.

But you know what they are not?

They are not the greatest Red Sox team of all-time.

They are not even the best Sox team of this century.

Pretty strong words! He does make some very good arguments, but I feel he's just trying to get people riled up again. That's what he does.

Dan Shaugnessy, Wrong Again

Shank's trying to set the table for the New England Patriots in the same manner he's been doing for at least six years now:

Roethlisberger down in Baltimore. Comes back. But it is a reminder that we are reaching pt in NFL season where best player on every team in Pats path will get hurt

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 4, 2018

Except for one small detail - he was back in the game two plays later:

He got the wind knocked out of him. He’s fine !

— Bill (@WilliamMStocco) November 4, 2018

Shank did note that Big Ben came back in the game, but you and I know that wasn't the point of the tweet. When the Patriots get to this point of the season and are one of the top teams in the AFC, he generally pushes that notion (every key player of our opponents and potential playoff rival will get injured) and / or this one:

Here it comes. Patriots not that good. They win anyway. Seen it one million times

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

I can hardly wait until the stupid 'coin flip' and 'double score' tweets in a few hours, but he did spare us the semi-predictable pregame 'Brady vs. Rodgers' column, for which we should all be grateful.

Rewriting History, Yet Again

Shank has another disingenuous post / column / podcast or whatever up today, where he continues to pretend he was in the 2018 Red Sox corner the entire time. Some credit may be given for his sheer brazenness, if it wasn't so completely counter to the majority of his columns about the team over the past nine months. Again - this guy is completely shameless.

Reverting To Form

You didn't think the recent run of semi-decent columns & tweets was going to last, did you?

Wow. I take it all back. The Bills are a Wagon. Look like they're be a threat in the mighty AFC East for years to come. Given this level of competition, it's actually amazing that the Pats can win this division every year.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 30, 2018

This, after the Patriots beat the Bills 25-6. Keep working on that sarcasm thing - you'll get it eventually.

The 2018 World Series Champs - II

This is simply stunning, and borderline outrageous. Shank has ragged on, belittled and discounted the 2018 Boston Red Sox on a consistent basis from the first spring training game to Game 2 of this year's World Series. Behold the world-class mental gymnastics involved at justifying eternal pessimism:

LOS ANGELES — My parents went through their high school and college years during America’s Great Depression. My mom had seven siblings, my dad four, and there was never extra money for anything. They never felt financially secure.

They had what we all came to know as the “Depression Mentality,’’ and passed it on to their children. The message was: Take no risks and always say yes to a steady job. You never know when it might all go away.

This is how I explain my year-long skepticism about the 2018 Red Sox — the greatest Boston baseball club in history and now in the discussion with the 1927 Yankees and a handful of others as among the best ever.

I have the Depression Mentality about this franchise, and I believe it’s because of the times I grew up in.

As long as I've been following this asshole over many, many years, it is difficult to come up with a more disingenuous column than this one. It conveniently ignores the positive aspects of the change in ownership with John Henry and company, who were clearly committed to a winning culture from the start and his heavily discounting of the three World Series since that time, to the point they may have well been dismissed outright.

The only question I'd have is his motivation for writing this column in the first place. He's done the occasional mea culpa type column in the past, but nothing on this scale. It's not obvious from reading the column and I'm sure as hell not going to waste any time thinking about it, knowing he's going to start shitting on them again as soon as the trucks are unloading the bats & gloves in Fort Myers in a few months.

The 2018 World Series Champs

Shank writes a decent column about the winners - the 2018 Boston Red Sox:

LOS ANGELES — You can go back to bed now, New England. There’ll be no more late October nights watching the Red Sox thrash assorted Yankees, Astros, and Dodgers.

The 2018 baseball season is over and the Boston Red Sox are World Series champions for the fourth time in 15 seasons. Led by David Price’s seven-plus stellar innings and home runs by Steve Pearce (two), Mookie Betts, and J.D. Martinez, the Sox defeated the Dodgers, 5-1, in Dodger Stadium (a.k.a. “Fenway West”) Sunday night, winning the 114th Fall Classic in dominant fashion.

So there. New England has another masterpiece for its professional sports High Renaissance.

Swing And A Miss

Seems that Shank did write a column after Game 4. Seems that Shank didn't mention his last two columns on Twitter, but there they are on the (ugh!) Globe's sports section.

Isn't It Funny

...how we don't get a column from Shank after a big win by the Red Sox? That's because he can't devote half of it to second-guessing the manager, Alex Cora.

Turn On A Dime Dan - VIII

Two days ago Shank grabbed the steering wheel and hijacked the bandwagon of Red Sox Nation. After Game 3, he's not so sure anymore:

What once seemed certain for the Red Sox is now in doubt

Need I remind you of one columnist who, a mere two days ago, was all but providing that certainty?

LOS ANGELES – It was the longest game in World Series history.

It lasted 18 innings, consuming seven hours and 20 minutes.

And it may have seriously pivoted things in this suddenly-fascinating 2018 World Series. The Dodgers rallied from almost certain October death in the bottom of the 13th Friday night/Saturday morning and went on to beat the Red Sox on Max Muncy’s leadoff homer in the bottom of the 18th.

Los Angeles’s 3-2 victory ended at 3:30 Eastern Daylight Time.

“We could have put them away and we didn’t,’’ admitted Red Sox manager Alex Cora.

And all we can ask is . . . why?

From there, Shank engages in the usual second guessing of a manager whose balls he was licking in the previous weeks and conveniently reminds you multiple times of this being the anniversary of the Bill Buckner game. This guy did a complete 180 degree turn in one game / two days - he's completely shameless.

He Loves LA

A comment from a few days ago:

Wait, what? No Boston has/LA has column?

That's not far off the mark, as Shank hijacks the bandwagon yet again!

A great place for the Red Sox to beat LA is in LA

I have framed copies of all Globe front pages from Boston sports championships won in this century. The datelines under those happy headlines are NEW ORLEANS, HOUSTON, ST. LOUIS, JACKSONVILLE, DENVER, VANCOUVER, GLENDALE, and HOUSTON (again). Two of the 10 titles were won in Boston and required no dateline.

Now, with plenty of wall space available, I am ready to add: LOS ANGELES.

The Red Sox play Games 3 and 4 of the 2018 World Series at Dodger Stadium Friday and Saturday. Game 5, if necessary, would be played Sunday night at Chavez Ravine. This means the historic, 117-win Red Sox have a chance to win Boston’s first championship in Los Angeles since Bill Russell and Sam Jones beat the Wilt Chamberlain/Elgin Baylor/Jerry West Lakers at the Los Angeles Forum 49 years ago.

You can see where it's going from there, as Shank regales us with the Boston / L.A. matchups across all sports from the past six decades, which of course features a few Larry Bird sightings.

Best comment from that column:

How big is the wall for Boston athletes who won't talk to you ?

I'm pretty sure that would require an entire room...

Not Out Of Spite

And if you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

Ceremonial first pitch tonight: 2004 team members David Ortiz, Pedro Martinez, Kevin Millar, Tim Wakefield, Jason Varitek, Keith Foulke, Alan Embree.
No Curt Schilling, who lives locally?
Red Sox exec: "We did not reach out to him, but it is not out of spite.''

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 24, 2018

The New Mr. October

After a regular season in which he wrote a few columns containing many subtle and not so subtle digs & criticisms about the subject, Shank is now singing his praises.

David Price has morphed into Jim Lonborg/Luis Tiant/Josh Beckett/Jon Lester. Dare we say Curt Schilling? Boston’s much-maligned $217 million southpaw — a dartboard ornament for most of his three seasons at Fenway — is suddenly the Mr. October of the Red Sox pitching staff.

After a lifetime of historic postseason failure (zero wins in 11 postseason starts), Price has found his playoff mojo at the precise moment it matters most. On the heels of his series-clinching Game 5 masterpiece in Houston last week, Price on Wednesday dazzled the Dodgers, allowing only three hits in six innings of a 4-2 Red Sox victory in Game 2 of the World Series. J.D. Martinez delivered the winning runs with a two-run, two-out single to right in the fifth. Sox pitchers retired the final 16 Dodger batters.

Fortunately, that's it for the 'column', which doesn't bore you with any of that silly game recap stuff.

World Series - Game 1 Recap

That, and a paragraph or two written before the game even started, is all you should expect from Shank this morning:

“Beat LA! Beat LA!’’

Born during a Celtic playoff loss to the 76ers at the Old Garden in 1982, the chant was revived at Fenway on Tuesday night, and the redoubtable Red Sox fulfilled the fans’ command with an 8-4 victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers in the first game of the 2018 World Series.

Eduardo Nunez’s seventh-inning pinch-hit three-run homer (another nice call by Midas manager Alex Cora) closed the deal for Boston, and Andrew Benintendi had four hits in his first World Series game.

Red Sox / Dodgers World Series Preview

Well, it's not much of a preview - Chris Sale goes against ace Dodgers pitcher Clayton Kershaw tonight and tomorrow's matchup is David Price against Hyun-Jin Ryu, who's a hard-throwing lefty. I saw him on one of the NLDS games last week and he looks really good.

I'm really waiting on Shank to post some stupid tweets, but there's nothing up right now. That tells me he's writing half of his game column right now.

Obsessed Much? - III

Former Boston Red Sox 1st baseman Adrian Gonzalez left the team on August 25, 2012. More than six years later, Shank's still lobbing shit in his general direction:

No “Cooler” (Adrian Gonzalez) in play. So Dodgers and Red Sox both have a chance.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 22, 2018

Remember when Shank mentioned Adrian Gonzalez in the same sentence as Ted Williams? Good times!

And since when do both teams in a World Series 'both have a chance', as though a third team's going to come in and run roughshod over both of them like Godzilla? Is that just an incredibly stupid thing to say, or what?

Dumb Patriots Gameday Tweets

Good one, Shank - we've never heard you talk about a coin flip before!

Bears win toss.
Defer.
Clearly paying attention.
Maybe Bears have a chance.
Let's see if they know how to stop Pats from scoring in final 2 min of first half.
Doubt it

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 21, 2018

The Internet - How Does It Work?

Dave Roberts. Alex Cora.
Ever been a World Series where both managers played for both teams?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 21, 2018

Learn how to do your job and research it instead of asking everyone else to do it for you.

— Scott Kaplan (@WxManScott) October 21, 2018

I don't know Dan. Isn't it your job to answer that?

— Mike Anderson (@m_anderson2015) October 21, 2018

Whitewash / Rewriting History

Behold, as Shank regales us with tales of yonder and explains the 2018 Red Sox playoff resurgence (emphasis added):

HOUSTON — The turning point might have been Oct. 6 when Yankees slugger Aaron Judge strolled and trolled past the Red Sox clubhouse after New York’s “big” playoff win at Fenway Park.

Judge and the mighty Bronx Bombers had just hit three monstrous homers in a 6-2 win, and the 6-foot-7-inch slugger felt comfortable playing Sinatra’s “New York, New York’’ on his Bluetooth speaker as he passed the Sox locker room in the underbelly of ancient Fenway.

The image went viral, and so did all the fears of doom about the 2018 Red Sox. Despite their record-breaking regular-season success, there were still regional concerns that these Sox were 108-win show ponies who were going to fold again in October. David Price (pulled in the second inning of Game 2) was once again a playoff bust and these front-running Sox were going to cave — just as they had in 2016 and 2017.

As noted in the prior post, Shank writes in the passive voice as though he didn't have a god damn thing to do with these notions of 'regional concerns' and 'front runners' who were going to 'cave' in the playoffs. Shank has been pushing this notion for months now and decides to write this column in a weak effort to sidestep and paper over all of his columns this year that more or less said the exact opposite. Don't buy this disingenuous spin for a second.

Redemption

That's Shank's angle concerning David Price's excellent pitching last night:

Here are the words about David Price you thought you’d never read

As always, note the use of the passive voice here and in other parts of the column.

HOUSTON — The relentless Red Sox won the pennant on Thursday night, beating the defending world champion Houston Astros, 4-1, in Game 5 of the American League Championship Series. The Sox open the 114th World Series Tuesday at Fenway Park vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers or Milwaukee Brewers.

Winners of 115 games, the Sox are trying to become the first team of the 21st century to win four World Series. In October of 2018, they’ve erased the 100-win Yankees and the 103-win Astros, winning seven of nine playoff games, including five straight on the road.

And here are the words you thought you’d never read . . .

The Sox clinched the pennant on the strength of six innings of stellar, pressure-packed pitching from the much-maligned David Price.

To be fair, Shank does goes on to drop the barest of hints about his own hand in the 'much-maligning' of David Price, but it never approaches a full mea culpa. If Price somehow falters during the World Series, expect Shank to switch back to 'much maligning'.

Cheatin' In Baseball

If you're Shank and it's a story about alleged cheating in baseball, you just have to mention the New England Patriots a bunch of times, don't you?

HOUSTON — The Houston Astros are the New England Patriots. They win a championship, and everyone thinks they are cheating.

The 2018 American League Championship Series took on a new dimension at Minute Maid Park this week when the Boston Metro first reported that a guy with a camera working for the Astros was kicked out of the photographer’s well by the first base dugout at Fenway Park during Game 1. Turns out the same guy got the heave-ho in Cleveland when the ’Stros were beating up on the Tribe in the Division Series.

Perfect. Spygate comes to baseball. Next thing you know the Astros will be accused of deflating baseballs.

Lame humor aside, the story short - MLB told the Astros - 'knock it off' and that was it.

But wait - there's more!

I am not the first to conclude that this makes Cora the new Eric Mangini.

You remember Mangini, right? Won a ring with the Patriots, was hired away by the New York Jets, then told NFL security about Bill Belichick’s camera tricks. The Jets caught the Patriots videotaping coaches’ signals at the Meadowlands and a price was paid. Mangini became dead to Bill, as in I knew it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart.

For those of you keeping track of ancient pop culture references, Godfather II came out forty-four years ago.

Grand Slam

Dear Jackie Bradley Jr.:

Remember when I was ragging on you earlier this year? We're good now, right?

Your pal,

Shank

HOUSTON — This was a statement game and Jackie Bradley Jr. made the loudest noise.

On a day of a Spygate accusation hurled at the world champion Astros, scintillating plays (hello, Alex Bregman), questionable calls (did that Steve Pearce fly ball clang off the wall before it was caught?) and high-wire drama, JBJ put a stop to the suspense with a no-doubt grand slam off Roberto Osuna in the top of the eighth inning Tuesday. Bradley’s mighty clout blew open a tight contest and propelled the surging Red Sox to an 8-2, Game 3 victory over the ’Stros.

That’s 113 wins and counting for your Olde Towne Team. If the Sox can beat the Astros two more times in this ALCS, they’ll open the 114th World Series next Tuesday night at Fenway.

From there, a note of caution about the Astros (it will 'not be easy' to beat them two more times, etc.) and this little gem:

“We saw that coming in the middle of the season,’’ Cora said when asked about Bradley. “Now he’s more comfortable. Credit to him.’’

They saw it, and Shank didn't.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXI

Numbers - how do they work?

Boston Globe issues another correction on the Warren story: She is "between 1/64th and 1/1,024th Native American.” https://t.co/km3p4z5ycO

— Jake Sherman (@JakeSherman) October 15, 2018

It's funny how, when the media make a mistake involving a Democrat it make them look good and when it involves a Republican, the mistake makes them look bad. Curious, isn't it?

Missed Opportunity

If I didn't know any better, Shank seems just a tad disappointed that the Red Sox won last night and didn't give him an excuse to light up David Price:

They got 14 outs from a former Cy Young winner. They got three big outs in the eighth inning from another former Cy Young winner. Meanwhile, the best pitcher on the staff was at Massachusetts General Hospital being treated for a stomach illness.

They got flawless work from the bridge bullpen guys. They got a bases-clearing double from their offensively challenged center fielder. They got a couple of doubles and an RBI from their MVP right fielder. They got another high-wire save from their suddenly skittish closer. And they got a full nine innings from their manager, who’d been ejected in the middle of Game 1.

It all added up to a 7-5, series-tying victory for the Red Sox in their ALCS with the world champion Houston Astros on Sunday night.

This is the part about Price's selection for Game 2 (which he was second guessing hours before the first pitch) and his subsequent performance:

Compounding all this, the Sox skipper elected to go with David Price in Game 2.

Yikes. In its moment of high anxiety, Red Sox Nation was forced to turn to one of the most buffeted hurlers in the history of postseason baseball. Price was 0-9 with an ERA of 6.03 in 10 postseason starts. His teams were 0-10 in his starts.

Given all of the above, there was serious concern that we might be heading to Fenway for the final time in 2018. Leaving Boston down, 0-2, to the dominant Astros was a tall order for any team, even for a team that won 108 regular-season games. It didn’t help when we learned that Sale was at Mass. General due to a stomach condition and would not be flying to Houston with the team after the game.

If the Red Sox lost last night, there's no doubt this column would have been harsher in tone.

Enjoying The Ride?

There seems to be a slight change in Shank's attitude after last night's loss by the Red Sox to the Houston Astros:

Joe McCarthy had Denny Galehouse. Don Zimmer had Bobby Sprowl. Grady Little went too long with Pedro Martinez. And now Alex Cora — with Nathan Eovaldi and Rick Porcello fully rested — is giving David Price the ball in the biggest game of the Red Sox 111-win season.

Just a little preemptive second guessing here!

The world champion Astros thrashed the sloppy Red Sox (Boston pitchers walked 10 Astros and hit three more), 7-2, in Game 1 of the ALCS Saturday night at Fenway Park. Since Major League Baseball went to seven games for League Championship Series, no team has lost the first two at home and gone on to win the series. It’s do-or-die for Boston in Game 2. And the Sox will have David Price on the mound.

Yikes.

Or should I say, “Yuk”?

This is a pretty good column; he doesn't snark his way through this one so you don't mind reading it. Well, some of you anyway...

The end of the column - it's classic Shank:

I say this is the night Price finally delivers. And Cora will look like a genius again.

But if Price flops again and the Sox lose, it could be the last Fenway game of 2018. And fans forever will wonder why Price got the ball in the most important game of the season.

Let the second guessing begin!

Shanks Hot Take Of The Week

Every Friday, Awful Announcing gives out its awards for the five hottest takes of the week. Although we've covered it already, it's worth noting Shank's fifth-place entry one more time:

5. Dan Shaughnessy says the Red Sox need to…play like a good team: The Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Obviousness In The Field Of Obviousness goes to Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe, who, after the Red Sox’ Game 2 loss to the Yankees Saturday evened the ALCS, wrote a column that produced an amazing tweet from the Globe account:

The #RedSox need to play like the team that won 108 games this season when they take on the Yankees tonight, says @Dan_Shaughnessy. https://t.co/Xm1lfEWdqU pic.twitter.com/H1lh9SbRSF

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) October 8, 2018

“Good team should play like good team.” That’s some #analysis for you there, and it explains why Shaughnessy gets paid so much. Oh, and that wasn’t just an unrepresentative tweet. The whole “Red Sox need to be tougher to beat the Yankees” column is exactly what you’d expect:

NEW YORK — The Red Sox are playing scared.

They need to put on their big boy pants and start playing like the team that won 108 games this season.

They need to start playing like the team that effectively ended the American League East race in early August by sweeping the Yankees four straight at Fenway Park.

They need to start playing with the swagger and idiocy of the 2004 Red Sox, who beat the Bronx Bombers four straight times after falling behind, 3-0, in the ALCS.

“Big boy pants,” even. (Should “big boy pants” be hyphenated? I feel like it should; it’s a compound adjective describing the pants. But I’ve also put more thought into that than Shaughnessy put into this whole column, so.) And you just know that Shaughnessy was pulling a different kind of Monty Burns move after the Red Sox did, in fact, play like a good team in the next two games.

Also worth noting - Shank's now in ninth place for the year in AA's Hot Take rankings:

Jason Whitlock – Hall of Fame
Stephen A. Smith – 211
Skip Bayless – 191
Phil Mushnick – 157
Colin Cowherd – 74
Rob Parker – 44
Doug Gottlieb – 41
Shannon Sharpe – 35
Dan Shaughnessy – 26
Ray Lewis – 25

Keep up the 'good work'!

Shank On Jim Brown

Jim Brown in 1967 was on the right side of history at The Cleveland Summit w Russell, Ali and Alcindor (Abdul-Jabbar). Pathetically, now he allows himself to be used. Sad! pic.twitter.com/BiTZzSX4dq

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 13, 2018

Reader reaction is mostly like this:

According to tomato can... being used = having different opinion. Liberals 2018

— AngryLouMerloni(@lou_merloni) October 13, 2018

Just a reminder #shank here works at a place where workplace sexual harassment is acceptable

— Gresh's Bad Cliches(@GreshsBadCliche) October 13, 2018

Who are you to decide what is the right side of history?

— Hal Gibson (@hankgibson02865) October 13, 2018

He's a sports columnist who's used to being able to say things and not be challenged on any of it, that's who.

And the winner:

pic.twitter.com/0DEgIijDH7

— Lappa(@lappado) October 13, 2018

Back On The Bandwagon - XXV (At Least)

If they win tonight this fraud will hijack the bandwagon.

An evergreen topic with Our Man Shank:

How the Red Sox won us over, even (ahem) the skeptics

A little mea culpa there?

Our sports High Renaissance continues. We are the center of the pro sports universe.

This weekend, the ever-Super Bowl-bound Patriots play the undefeated Chiefs on “Sunday Night Football” in the most anticipated NFL regular-season game of recent memory. On Tuesday, the Celtics kick off a season that is expected to find them in the NBA Finals against the world champion Warriors. Off to a 3-1 start, the Bruins switched their Saturday night game to a matinee so Hub fans can watch the Red Sox against the world champion Astros at night.

Ah yes, the Red Sox — once again the hottest team in town.

The same team he's been shitting on for months now.

It seems that everyone is buying in on the Red Sox at this hour. I say that with some certainty because I was one of the last holdouts. I thought the Yankees would beat Boston in the American League Division Series. I worried the Sox would fade quickly after their 108 regular-season wins. After watching them fail in the first round of the playoffs two years in a row, I feared they might not survive the two nights at Yankee Stadium early last week.

I was wrong. After splitting two at Fenway against the Yankees — a result that felt more like an 0-2 deficit to local cynics — the Sox went to New York and made a statement, winning Game 3, 16-1, then erasing the Pinstripes entirely one night later. Boston never trailed in those last two games.

So there. Book me a seat on the SS Alex Cora.

More of the same at the link.

Asking The Important Questions

Has any baseball team ever beaten two 100-win teams in same postseason? Sox will have to do this just to get to World Series.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) October 10, 2018

There's really no way to look that sort of thing up...

Shank On The Red Sox' ALDS Win

If they win tonight this fraud will hijack the bandwagon.

Sure looks that way, Jason!

NEW YORK — One week ago, Yankee Stadium fans were chanting, “We Want Boston!’’ while the Yanks were beating the Oakland A’s in the one-game wild-card playoff.

They got Boston.

With both barrels.

And full fury.
The relentless Sox beat the Yankees, 4-3, on Tuesday, winning their American League Division Series, 3-1. The Sox advance to the ALCS. They’ll have ace Chris Sale on the mound Saturday at Fenway for Game 1 against the world champion Houston Astros.

After finishing first in three straight seasons, the 108-win Red Sox won the franchise’s first playoff series since that championship season of 2013.

You know, the one Shank called a 'fluke'.

Let's skip to the fun part:

“A lot of people gave up on us after losing Game 2,’’ said Cora. “We showed up last night and tonight had our plan mapped out. At the end, he wasn’t the usual Craig Kimbrel, but he got three outs.’’

Just a guess - think he had at least one Globe sports columnist in mind with that remark?

Another Shank Pirouette

The Red Sox crushed the Yankees last night, 16 - 1. Naturally, Shank's singing a whole different tune than he was yesterday:

NEW YORK — Take that, Aaron Judge!

The star Yankee outfielder had a little fun at the expense of the Red Sox after New York’s 6-2 win at Fenway Saturday night. On his way to the team bus in the underbelly of the ancient yard, Judge strolled past the Sox clubhouse with his boom box blaring Sinatra’s Yankee victory song, “New York, New York.’’

It was supposed to feed into New England’s worst fears. The 108-win Red Sox were going to roll over for the big, bad Bronx Bombers. Just like in the bad old days.

That's what Shank has been rooting for a couple of months, wasn't it?

Naturally, the column isn't without its' negativity and assholery:

Sweet. I haven’t felt this good about the Red Sox’ chances in a playoff series against the Yankees since Pedro Martinez took a 5-2 lead into the eighth inning of Game 7 at the Stadium in 2003.

Legendary?

You use that word - I do not think it means what you think it means:

We’ve got equal time tonight on @SportsFinal4NY talking #Yankees & #RedSox ! @DPLennon of @NewsdaySports gives us the local angle & the legendary @Dan_Shaughnessy of the @BostonGlobe weighs in on the view from Beantown! See you @NBCNewYork later tonight! pic.twitter.com/ZIYaz0lkRv

— Bruce Beck (@BruceBeck4NY) October 8, 2018

Tough Enough?

Shank implores the Red Sox to toughen up if they're going to beat the Yankees.

Red Sox need to be tougher to beat the Yankees

NEW YORK — The Red Sox are playing scared.

They need to put on their big boy pants and start playing like the team that won 108 games this season.

They need to start playing like the team that effectively ended the American League East race in early August by sweeping the Yankees four straight at Fenway Park.

They need to start playing with the swagger and idiocy of the 2004 Red Sox, who beat the Bronx Bombers four straight times after falling behind, 3-0, in the ALCS.

This is actually a pretty good column by Shank. There's a reason for that - Shank manages to criticize nearly aspect of the Red Sox. When he vents his spleen he puts forth a better column than most of his USPS mail-in jobs.

He Came To Bury Him

Shank, continuing his long running pretend liking of the man, now asks (in the middle of the game) - what is to become of David Price?

LeBron James will cry to the officials. The first penalty in any hockey game in Montreal will be called against the visitors. And David Price will spit the bit in the playoffs.

Of this, you can be sure.

Price was hoping to get back in your good graces against the Yankees in Game 2 of the AL Division Series Saturday night. He was going to make you forget all about his $217 million contract and the ambush of Dennis Eckersley and Fortnite and the rest of the nonsense. He was going to win a playoff game. Against the Yankees.

A reason is offered for Shank's lack of venom:

There’s no need to pile on Price anymore. It simply is sad. Price is one of the best pitchers of his generation. He is wildly rich and liked by his teammates. But his performance anxiety renders him hopeless in the big moments. If you want to be loved by Boston baseball fans you have to pitch well in the playoffs and you have to beat the Yankees. Price has done neither.

Wait until Price is off the team - then you'll see the real vicious criticisms from Shank.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat - IV

This is the fifth time since September 1st that Shank has either devoted a column to or tweeted about the state of the Red Sox bullpen:

Outlined against the late Fenway sky, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse rode again Friday night. In dramatic lore they are known as Death, Destruction, Pestilence, and Famine, but those are only aliases. Their real names are Ryan Brasier, Brandon Workman, Matt Barnes, and Joe Kelly.

And the Red Sox are going to try to win 10 more playoff games with this motley crew hired by Dave Dombrowski?

Apologies to Grantland Rice for stealing his great lead, but desperate times call for big-time hyperbole.

And Shank's just the guy to give it to us!

The Red Sox hung on to beat the Yankees, 5-4, in Game 1 of the AL Division Series, but the overall takeaway was not good. It’s hard to fathom the 108-win Sox getting this done 10 more times in October. The Yankees left 10 runners on base and went 1 for 7 with runners in scoring position.

Dombrowski is a renowned architect of baseball teams, but his fatal flaw always has been bullpen assembly. Dombro’s poor relief corps cost him the 2013 AL Championship Series when his superior Detroit Tigers succumbed to a Boston team because Joaquin Benoit surrendered a grand slam to David Ortiz in the eighth inning of pivotal Game 2. It turned the whole series around.

Guess we're fucked now, right?

Hot To Trot

Chalk up another former Red Sox player who's not exactly on the Shaughnessy bandwagon:

The @RedSox Trot Nixon said instead of throwing out the 1st pitch tonight he rather throw out @Dan_Shaughnessy

— John Gagan (@soxpatsforever) October 5, 2018

Creating A Story

This is how it's done, folks.

In long-awaited rematch, pressure is on the Red Sox

It’s been a while. When the Red Sox last met the Yankees in a playoff series, I was still resisting using one of those newfangled devices known as a cellphone.

A lot has happened since that biblical sports event of 2004 when the Red Sox came back from a 3-0 series deficit, rolled the Pinstripers four straight times, then broke the franchise’s 86-year championship drought.

And ruined Shank's book sales.

Too bad. And some of the history leading into this series does not bode well for the Olde Towne Team.

The Red Sox are wearing the heavier uniforms. It’s extra weight from their 108-win feel-good season and their early exit from the playoffs the last two autumns.

“All the pressure’s on Boston, no doubt about it,’’ Hall of Famer Dennis Eckersley said from the TBS booth while watching the Yankees win their wild-card game Wednesday night.

At least Shank has some support for this column.

Swing And A Miss

Not sure how this one got past me; it's four days old, but it's classic Shank!

Alex Cora gets our unofficial vote for rookie of the year

Alex Cora might be Boston’s best “rookie” since Fred Lynn in 1975 or Larry Bird in ’79.

It wasn’t like this for Bill Belichick in Year 1. The Hoodie went 5-11 in his first year as head coach of the Patriots. Red Auerbach? In 1950-51, Auerbach got the Celtics over .500, but they were swept in the first round of the playoffs. Brad Stevens? He didn’t make the playoffs in his first season on the bench.

No Shank column is complete without a Fred Lynn or Larry Bird reference, right?

We don’t know what’s going to happen to Cora’s American League East champs in the playoffs,

This is the same guy who's all but openly rooting for a Red Sox loss in the playoffs all freaking year.

...but he just completed the second-most successful rookie year of managing in the history of major league baseball, winning a whopping 108 games. Only Ralph Houk (109-53 with the 1961 Yankees) won more games than Cora in his first season and Houk had Roger Maris, Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, and Whitey Ford.

Cora has a pretty good roster, too, but nothing like the ’61 Yanks.

The 42-year-old field boss of the Local Nine has been everybody’s favorite since Day 1 in spring training. Players, owners, team staffers, and media members all love him. And fans have spared him the slings and arrows traditionally aimed at any man who sits on the hot seat on the street formerly known as Yawkey Way.

You and I both know what's going to happen should the Red Sox bow out in the first round, don't we?

Didn't See This One Coming! - III

After the New England Patriots get back on track with a 38-7 win over the Miami Dolphins, Shank once again feigns support for them:

Forever the same pic.twitter.com/hybefN3exs

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 30, 2018

Since this was just posted by Shank, no one's cutting loose on him yet, so click on the tweet for the inevitable 'feedback'.

Get Me Rewrite! - V

The words may be different but the column's the same:

I need an intervention.

The Red Sox have the best record in the majors. They have won more games (107) than any team in the 118-year history of Boston’s American League franchise. Mookie Betts is going to be the MVP. The Sox have two Cy Young starters and another guy who was the best starter in baseball for most of this season and last. They have a closer who is probably bound for the Hall of Fame. They have a guy who almost won the Triple Crown. They have scored more runs than any team in baseball. They have a great rookie manager — winning more games than any first-year manager other than Ralph Houk. They are humble and noble. They are very good dancers. If they were nominated for the Supreme Court, they would be confirmed by the Senate, 100-0.

So why do I worry that they are going down in the first round of the playoffs? Why do I think they have us teed up for a cataclysmic, apocalyptic fold of the highest magnitude? Why do I sometimes wonder if perhaps they are the most-flawed 107-win team in the history of baseball (think about the absurdity of that statement)?

If you get the feeling that you've read this column before, it's because you have, in one form or another.

Rooting For... The Yankees?

A few times a year, Shank writes a column where he feigns interest in a non-Boston team. This time around, it's the Yankees:

Next Wednesday — on the night of the one-game, wild-card playoff between the New York Yankees and Oakland A’s — I will be a Yankee fanboy. I will watch “The Pride of the Yankees” early in the afternoon. I will scatter biographies of Billy Martin and Thurman Munson around the house and place my autographed photo of Mickey Mantle on top of the TV. I will raise a cup of java to Mr. Coffee and read Joe DiMaggio references in “The Old Man and the Sea.’’ At gametime, I will don Yankee footie pajamas. I will order pizza and when the person on the phone asks me if I want it cut into six or eight pieces, I will quote Yogi and say, “Make it six. I could never eat eight pieces.’’

Throw in a 20th century pop culture reference:

Sorry. I know that stings a little. But admit it, Sox fans. Deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want the Yankees on that Left Field Wall next weekend. Simply stated, the New England sports world is a better place if the Red Sox are playing the vaunted Bronx Bombers in the American League Division one week from today.

The Yankees this weekend are in town for a regular-season-ending three-game series, winning the opener, 11-6, and we can only hope this is a preview of the first round of the playoffs. In order for that to happen, the Yankees will have to beat the no-payroll Oakland A’s next Wednesday.

I want this. Desperately. It’s a much better story. Red Sox-Yankees in October is the ultimate baseball theater.

Tough to improve on these comments (slightly edited):

"Nah, the Shank just is hoping the yanks will beat the sox so he can rag on them. it won't be quite as good, shank thinks, if Oakland beats the sox."

"You already root for the Yankees. In 2004 the Red Sox ended forever your ability to profit, both financially and journalistically from the non-existent curse of the Bambino and so you’ve hated and rooted against the Sox ever since. You can no longer go the well of self doubt and self loathing that you possess and assume all new Englanders possess. But we don’t."

"Long time readers of our "cynical scribe" understand exactly what's going on with this column. Our ole scrivener's background is filled with covering losses after heartbreaking losses. The Ole Towne Team and the Patsies for years gave our scribe years of easy columns ridiculing both teams' bad play year after year. Then suddenly things turned around. Our scribe was shell-shocked and cannot comprehend the reality of constant winning and duck boat parades. What to do? Turn cynic. Report that every Super Bowl was lost by the other team. The Patriots were always "lucky". Very rarely mention 2004, 2007, and 2013 to Red Sox Nation. Now hope for the Yankees to win and then play the Sox and beat them. Oh, just imagine those miserable columns dripping with memories of those good ole days when the Yankees dominated the Sox. Stay strong Red Sox Nation do not be fooled by his obvious "shell" game."

'Bostoned Out', Revisited

One of Shank's favorite pastimes - second guessing the Red Sox:

Letting go of Jon lester remains one of Sox dumbest moves They have still not recovered

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 28, 2018

...which included a World Series championship in 2013, but never mind that.

Here's what we wrote about this five and a half years ago:

Without a hint of irony, Shank then drops this one on Lester:

Is he Bostoned out?

“Yeah, sometimes,’’ he said. “Sometimes I want to strangle myself. It can be intimidating, especially when you have seasons like last year. It’s tough. You know [you’re bad] and your teammates are trying to pick you up and everybody else knows [you’re bad] and you’re trying to break even on the whole deal. You try to live with it and move on.

“If you can play in Boston and survive and do good, I think you can play anywhere.’’

So, the columnist arguably the most responsible for contributing to an athlete's feeling of being 'Bostoned out', asks that question of Jon Lester with a straight face? Who said irony is dead?

DHL Dan - LXXV

Just another bag of Red Sox criticism, dripping with sarcasm, take a small dump on Bob Kraft, etc.:

Picked-up pieces while lending some perspective to this “greatest ever” Red Sox season . . .

■ Anybody else worried about Chris Sale? While the Sox were reaching all of their offensive milestones in Wednesday’s 19-3 rout of the putrid Orioles (Mookie stole his 30th! Xander knocked in his 100th! Whee!), the true takeaway from the day-night doubleheader was the state of Sale and the Sox bullpen.

Sale had a great two-thirds of a season, but the Sox go into the playoffs banking on a guy who pitched only 17 innings after July 27. His velocity is way down. Sale was in the low 90s in his final start Wednesday, and the Orioles cuffed him around for three runs on four hits, a walk, and two hit batsmen in 4⅔ uneven innings in which he threw 92 pitches.

Sale will be working on eight days’ rest when he gets the ball at Fenway for Game 1 of the ALDS Oct. 5. He said he’ll try to figure some things out in the bullpen between now and then. Sale has thrown 158 innings this season and has a history of fizzling in September.

So Now He Likes Numbers?

Shank's legendary hatred of statistics is legendary (edit - that was redundant!), unless they can be used to disparage a local professional sports team:

WAR says the Red Sox have the best bullpen in baseball.
I rest my case

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 25, 2018

Let's get this one out of the way first, shall we?

WAR what is it good for. absolutely nothing. say it again

— Paul Abramowitz (@Magicrat57) September 25, 2018

The @BostonGlobe says you are a good writer.. I rest my case.

— Mike Johnson (@Draftman516) September 25, 2018

It shows you WAR means NOTHING. Betts shouldawon MVP over Trout 2 years ago. Betts had a higher batting average, more homers, more RBI, more stolen bases & a better defensive runs saved BUT TROUT HAD A HIGHER WAR

— Jack Lamar (@JackLamar619) September 25, 2018

And just in case you're wondering if this is an original thing from Shank:

@Jared_Carrabis tweeted about this 3 hours ago...

— Ryan Cote (@Rdot33) September 25, 2018

The Asshole Shaughnessy - XXI (?)

Here it comes. Patriots not that good. They win anyway. Seen it one million times

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

Reaction was swift:

Here it comes tomorrow, the same column over and over by Dan, I’ve seen it many times over the years and it’s not that good

— Angry Kirk (@angry_kirk) September 24, 2018

It’s all relative. If they are better than all the other teams at end of 60 minutes they are good. Or no good teams exist.

— Stephen 🇺🇸 (@fanofall64) September 24, 2018

It’s come to the point where Dan knows the only way to stay relevant is to say stupid shit to get people to respond. I’m guilty of responding. Just wannamake sure everyone notices it too.

— Timothy Tim (@timbosox) September 24, 2018

Noted, Tim.

The Predictable Shaughnessy - III

Now for Shank's chance to pile on the Patriots:

So far, the tomato 🍅 can is on the other shelf.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

Patriots bennnnnnnd but don't break. Prater 25 FG is good, and Lions push their lead to 13-0 with 4:58 left 2Q.

Lions are out-gaining the Patriots 196 yards to 13. Lions are winning the time of possession battle, 20:46 to 4:16.

— Ben Volin (@BenVolin) September 24, 2018

The Predictable Shaughnessy - II

Loser move by Patricia going for FG there. This is why nobody ever beats Patriots. Patricia latest to wet his pants at the sight of Bill. More than most coaches, Patricia should know this is loser strategy vs. NE.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

The Predictable Shaughnessy

As well timed as a bowel movement after coffee and breakfast:

Patricia well-trained. Won toss and deferred. The Patriot Way.
But this will be a big-time Pats win.
Game is already over and in Detroit, they know it. Lions have won one playoff game since 1957.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

Does This Guy Complain About Everything?

I'm gonna go with 'yes':

Disgrace that Ramirez flyball ruled a double. What does it take to get an error these days??

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 22, 2018

Get Me Rewrite! - IV

Shank's latest column is a general rehash of yesterday's column, again bemoaning the failure to clinch the A.L. East title at Yankee Stadium:

NEW YORK — Are the Red Sox going to have to pack up all that champagne and take it with them to Cleveland?

Waiting for the Red Sox to clinch the American League East is starting to feel like waiting for Yaz’s 3,000th hit, or Tim Wakefield’s 200th win. It’s like waiting to close on your dream home, or waiting for Larry Bird to pick up a check.

The Sox were pummeled in the Bronx Wednesday, 10-1, and so the Magic Number — which hasn’t moved since Sunday — remains stuck at two. Boston leads the division by 9½ games with 10 to play, but the Sox have managed to breathe life into a Yankees team here this week. They’ll have only one more chance to clinch on the Yankee lawn. And suddenly the idea of facing the Yanks in October does not sound so sweet. Who wants to be the new edition of the 2001 Mariners?

Why, Shank of course - why else does he keep writing columns after Red Sox losses?

Also - the only time you're likely to see consecutive daily columns from Shank is after consecutive losses by one of the local pro sports teams.

Bad Bullpen

Shanks devotes yet another column pointing out the weakness of the Red Sox bullpen.

NEW YORK — Put the champagne on ice for another day.

On a night when it looked like the Red Sox would clinch their third consecutive American League East title, Boston’s Raging Bullpen struck again and the Sox suffered a 3-2 defeat to the Yankees.

Brandon Workman and Ryan Brasier put a torch to Boston’s 1-0 lead in the seventh inning. Workman walked a pair before Brasier surrendered a three-run homer to Neil Walker.

So take those old records off the shelf, remove the cellophane from in front of the lockers, and get the bubbly out of the room. For at least one more day.

You Were Saying?

Jags morphing into Tomato Cans right in front of our eyes. Turnover. Gashed. Penalty. Dropped pass. Taking no time off the clock. Now punting it back to NE with short kick. We have seen this before. You can see the blood draining from their faces.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 16, 2018

Stop Making Sense

The ever predictable Dan Shaugnessy, everybody!

The Patriot won the toss and took the ball.
My world doesn't make sense anymore.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 16, 2018

DHL Dan LXXIV - Danny Downer

While we wait for Shank's stupid tweets about the Patriots / Jaguars football game at 1:00 this afternoon, we're assaulted by another picked-up pieces column where he leads off by (surprise) dumping on the Red Sox yet again, specifically Chris Sale:

Picked-up pieces while working on my next segment of “Dan vs. Time” (Time is winning in a rout) . . .

■ Sorry, Chris Sale is not worthy of the American League Cy Young Award. Sale has been great almost every time he has pitched, but the man has hurled only 147 innings. Sale is 12-4 with a 1.96 ERA. He has pitched six innings since July 27. He wins two-thirds of the Cy Young. The front-runner would be Tampa Bay’s Blake Snell, who is 19-5 with a 2.03 ERA.

Well, that's a) stating the obvious, which b) we've been hearing on local talk radio for a couple of days now. Way to get out in front of a topic of conversation.

The rest of the column's a snoozefest - read at your own peril.

UPDDATE, 1:23 PM - Whoops! It's a 4:25 start...

Bitch, Whine And Moan

Since no one or no team is perfect, Shank will always have something to complain about:

How does this make you feel about “Soxtober”? https://t.co/hiz5jR0aOa

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 15, 2018

Shank's Niece Weighs In On The Serena Williams Gasket Blowing

Since Shank's not ripping on writing about local professional athletes, we get a decent column from an interview with Shank's niece, Meghann Shaughnessy:

Meghann Shaughnessy was a professional tennis player for 19 years before retiring to raise a family six years ago. She was the world’s 11th-ranked female player in 2001. She played more than 1,200 professional matches, including three singles matches against Serena Williams (winning one, losing two) and seven against Venus Williams (2-5).

She was a teammate of the Williams sisters on America’s Federation Cup team captained by Billie Jean King in 2003. She played numerous matches officiated by veteran chair umpire Carlos Ramos. She is also the daughter of my brother.

By now, just about everyone other than Donald Trump (did I miss a tweet?), Alan Dershowitz, and Kendrick Lamar has published an opinion piece about Serena Williams’s meltdown in her US Open final loss to Naomi Osaka Saturday. Serena’s behavior has been excused by many (“she was mistreated because she’s a woman,’’ “male players get away with what Serena did”) while another segment of our global population simply believes Serena was being a poor sport, incapable of accepting defeat, and making the story about herself while deflecting the spotlight from a worthy opponent.

Go read the comments if you want to read inane crap from the PC / snowflake crowd who complain about nearly everything and keep bringing up the usual bogus shit about 'sexism, 'racism' and Shank 'mansplaining'. What a bunch of fucking babies.

Get Me Rewrite! - III

The New England Patriots won in Foxborough yesterday, a 27-20 victory over the Houston Texans. As is his specialty, Shank focuses on the losing team & coach.

Bill O’Brien is the latest opposing coach to do the Foxborough fold

What was true last year, and the year before that, is still true today. Nothing has changed. The Patriots are going to get where they want to go this year on the merits of Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, plus the unwavering buffoonery of their opponents. Like death, taxes, and the first penalty in the old Montreal Forum, you can depend on the guy on the other sideline throwing up on his shoes. Every week.

Sunday’s easy Patriots victory over the Texans was a great case in point. It was more of the same stuff we’ve been telling you for the last 15 years. Smart, accomplished football men lose all of their grid acumen at the very sight of Belichick and Brady. It is a certainty.

As the years have unfolded, the Patriots have become less talented, less deep, and less dominant, but it does not matter. New England can no longer overwhelm teams on sheer ability. But the coaching disparity across the league is greater than ever. The Patriots can always rely on the kindness of the strangers and friends who come into Foxborough with the misguided mission that they can compete based on sheer physicality and football ability.

The Patriots know all they have to do is . . . wait. Stand around and the opponent will self-destruct.

If you get the feeling that you've read this column before, it's because you have.

Douchebag Gameday Tweets - II

Can the Texans fire O'Brien at halftime?
Totally pantsed.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 9, 2018

Douchebag Gameday Tweets

Tony Romo just told us that Brady did the smart thing by skipping OTAs.
And so it begins.
Wonder when CBS cuts to the first fawning, well-lit shot of "Robert"?
Has Les Moonves lost high chair privileges for this year?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 9, 2018

Pats lose toss. Forced to take ball.
Texans paying attention.
Won't matter.

See you at AFC Championship in January

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 9, 2018

Texans hand Patriots the ball on first play.
Napoleon: Never interrupt your opponent when he is making a mistake.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 9, 2018

Shank's Back On The Warpath - III

Let's rehash some old columns, shall we?

With Tom Brady, some topics remain out of bounds

FOXBOROUGH — Bill Belichick has Malcolm Butler.

Tom Brady has Alex Guerrero.

They are Third Rail Topics in Fort Foxborough. They are Those Who Must Not Be Named.

We are not going to get an answer. In either case.

So why do you keep asking the questions?

I took a run at the Alex topic with Brady Friday afternoon. Tom was ever-polite but thoroughly obtuse regarding his satisfaction with how Belichick and the Patriots are handling the Guerrero situation.

If you just parachuted in from Guam and need some background, here goes:

No we don't 'need some background' - we've all read it at least a dozen times by now. It's a poor excuse to continue your war against the New England Patriots.

DHL Dan LXXIII

Shank cranks out another picked-up pieces column, about two weeks after his last picked-up pieces column. It's probably the calm before the next Patriots storm:

■ Put me down as a Holy Cross alum who is a tad nervous about the resumption of the Boston College-Holy Cross football “rivalry.’’ The Jesuit schools played one another on the gridiron 91 times between 1896-1986 before the series was mercifully put to bed. The aggregate score of the last five meetings: BC 221, HC 60. Average score: 44-12.

The disparity is worse now. BC plays FBS football in the highly competitive Atlantic Coast Conference. The Eagles this year will play (among others) Clemson, Louisville, Virginia Tech, and Miami. Holy Cross is a member of the Patriot League and plays FCS football. The Crusaders this year will play (among others) Georgetown, Fordham, Lehigh, and Lafayette.

Stolen from the Globe comments section: "Are you saying that Holy Cross is now a Tomato Can?" Heh heh heh!

Shank's Back On The Warpath - II

Today we have another column in a continuing series of Shank rewriting column themes in order to criticize the New England Patriots in every conceivable fashion possible.

All of it is very real.

And none of it means anything.

Things really are frosty at the top of the Patriot pyramid. We are not making this up. We have the sound bites from Tom vs. Time, and Tom with Oprah, and Tom with Jim Gray, and Tom abruptly ending interviews when he gets asked about Alex Guerrero.

Bill Belichick is still angry about having to trade Jimmy Garoppolo (he did not deny that he texted Jimmy G after every 49ers win last year). Bill isn’t happy that he is forced to tolerate Guerrero in the locker room and on the team plane. Bill is never going to tell us why he ordered the Code Red, and he will mock any reporter who pins their hopes to a phone bill or objections from disgruntled ex-Patriots.

But that's not my main point of contention with this column. Rather, it's the continued assertion of Shank's (and local radio people) that the AFC East is a horrible, terrible, awful division chock full of patsies and 'tomato cans':

In dramatic lore, they were known as Famine, Pestilence, and Destruction. These are only aliases. Their real names are the New York Jets, the Buffalo Bills, and the Miami Dolphins — New England’s ever-wretched competition in the AFC East.

What has been true in 15 of 17 seasons since 2001 (since Brady became Belichick’s starting quarterback) is true today. The New England Patriots, with all their flaws, simply cannot lose their loser division. For the millionth consecutive season, the Jets, Bills, and Dolphins are reinventing themselves with kid quarterbacks and doofus coaches.

Funny you mention doofuses, Shank! This column theme is used every single year and, like this column, Shank does not offer up any statistics to back up this assertion. This 'tomato can' division theme of his is completely unsupported by any meaningful examination of team and division records over any peroid of time, and Shank (to the best of my recollection) has never done this in the past ten years. This blog keeps pointing out the outright lie this is each and every single fucking time this lazy son of a bitch brings it up, yet it never stops. Nor will our rebuttals.

Shank's Back On The Warpath

After writing a whopping five columns during the month of August, Shank is now tanned, rested and ready to continue his 23 year-old jihad against the New England Patriots:

I love anything that shines light inside Fort Foxborough.

This is why I love “Big Game: The NFL in Dangerous Times,” a new book by New York Times Magazine chief national correspondent Mark Leibovich, scheduled to be released on Tuesday.

Unearthing truths from Gillette Stadium is almost impossible for local reporters. The Patriot PR Industrial Complex is a perfect model for keeping things in-house. Half the folks who cover the team are working for the team

Got any names? Got any proof of contracts / payments from the team?

...and much of the other half are too fearful or beaten-down to discover anything. Years covering the Patriots are like dog years. Reporters wear down and lose their will to live. How many times can a reporter hear Bill Belichick say, “It’s a football decision,’’ or “We’re on to Cincinnati,’’ before he/she stops asking for answers. This is followed, of course, by the chorus of angry Patriots fans wondering why anyone would dare ask Bill anything.

Would that include your line of questioning from last month?

Into this mix comes Leibovich, a homegrown (Newton) Patriots fan, a responsible adult (interesting comment there, isn't it? - ed.), and serious national reporter for the vaunted Times. The author somehow coaxed Tom Brady, Bob Kraft, Jerry Jones, and even Donald Trump into cooperating with his four-year, part-time project to plumb the inner workings of the Patriots and all things NFL. The result is a 349-page grenade guaranteed to rattle cages in Foxborough, Dallas, and at 345 Park Avenue in Manhattan.

It should make for some fun reading, and the rest of the column reads like he got an advance copy from Leibovich. My initial take - one part truth, one part gossip. Either way, it's a major error for anyone connected to the Patriots to give Leibovich this kind of fodder, unless they're all at a point where they don't give a flying fuck anymore, since the dynasty is on its last legs. It's possible Leibovich has an axe to grind, or he's just another scumbag journalist, but right now I can't tell, not knowing his background. Time will tell.

Note this, however - it's early Christmas for Shank, because he can use / hijack the work of someone else to do the dirty work for him. Scumbag Globe journalism at it's 'finest'.

Shank's Twitter followers loved the column - for real!

The Boston Globe would do ANYTHING to help see the demise of the Pats. That's not journalism but then again, Globe Sports is more of a Teen Vogue than anything else now.

— Jeff Fuller (@JefFullerMyself) September 1, 2018

Seriously Dan... you can tell us: how hard were you when you heard that from him?? Be honest.

— Tom McNaughton (@tmcnaughton33) September 1, 2018

Wicked hard would be my guess!

Odd not surprised by those involved, especially since Dan has always had a hard on for pooingthe Patriots any chance he got. Globe is the pillar of fake news.

— Jazz Hands (@jsm020) September 1, 2018

This Week In Hot Takes

Our Man Shank is awarded fifth place in this week's Awful Announcing Hot Takes Sweepstakes:

5. Dan Shaughnessy calls a Red Sox win “the most demoralizing victory in baseball history”: Yes, the 8-7 win the Boston Red Sox recorded against the Miami Marlins Tuesday, with the winning run coming on a walkoff throwing error by Miami shortstop J.T. Riddle, wasn’t the world’s most impressive result. The win moved the Red Sox to 91-42 and dropped the Marlins to 53-80, so Boston wasn’t exactly playing a titanic opponent, and this saw the Red Sox blow leads in both the eighth and ninth inning. Marlins’ manager Don Mattingly said “Obviously, the ending was not very good” afterwards, and Boston Globe baseball columnist Nick Cafardo started his game story with “Usually after a walkoff win, you feel pretty good about the night’s work. But the Red Sox didn’t so much as win this one,” and used that story to raise questions about the Boston bullpen. That’s all understandable; some games are lost more than won, and even a win can be an opportunity to examine a team’s flaws. But Cafardo’s fellow Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy really brought the hyperbole when it came to discussing this on Twitter the next day:

I hope I am not alone in my belief that last night's Red Sox walkoff win was the most demoralizing victory in baseball history.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 29, 2018

That’s quite the absurd take. There are plenty of actually-demoralizing victories in baseball history, from ones where a team won while suffering an injury to a star player that wound up destroying their season (Pyrrhus knew a thing or two about that idea) from pennant race wins where a team won, but didn’t make progress or didn’t make the playoffs thanks to results elsewhere. And in a different light, this win could even be seen as a rallying moment for the Red Sox, one showing their determination to fight on despite blown leads and bullpen struggles. Criticism of their play is fair, especially with the winning run coming on that error, but calling this “the most demoralizing victory in baseball history” is a ridiculous argument.

He Does Have A Point

If this wasn't such an over the top hot take, I'd almost agree with Shank here:

I hope I am not alone in my belief that last night's Red Sox walkoff win was the most demoralizing victory in baseball history.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 29, 2018

Of course, this take tweet elicited some choice responses:

Not as demoralizing as writing for a team that you don’t even like.

— Timothy Tim (@timbosox) August 29, 2018

It's true, no team in any sport has "wonugly" in the history of the earth. Stupid.

— Bad Journalism (@WEEI_TYPOS) August 29, 2018

would you have rather them lost?

— Patrick Kelly (@PKellyMLB) August 29, 2018

Do you even have to ask, Patrick?

And the winner:

I am definitely not alone in thinking that Ted Williams would absolutely hate you if he was playing today.

— Christopher Smith (@smithtmj) August 29, 2018

Going Through The Motions

Shank's fifth column this month revisits some old ground - a column about the Splendid Splinter:

Ted Williams would be turning 100 now, but his legend never gets old

The Kid would be 100 Thursday.

Ted Williams was born on Aug. 30, 1918.

How could The Kid ever turn 100?

We lost Ted Williams in July of 2002, but imagine if he had lived. We’d have headlines screaming, “Kid Turns 100!’’ We’d have quotes from Ted about how sweet it was finally seeing the Red Sox win the World Series in 2004, 2007, and 2013. We’d have him delivering an homage to his dear friend, John McCain. And I’d love to hear what The Kid would have to say about this newfangled “launch angle,’’ which Ted invented sometime back in the 1930s.

You know what else never gets old? Shank writing about Ted Williams!