Getting The Vapors, Are We?

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Waxing Nostalgic, New York Giants Edition

With the New England Patriots on TV tonight, Shank gives us another walk down memory lane.

The Giants, remember, are a big part of New England football history

The New York Giants, who will play the 5-0 Patriots Thursday night at Gillette Stadium, are a big part of New England’s football history. Your awareness of Patriots-Giants linkage depends on your age.

If you are a Gen X or Millennial Patriots fan, you know that the Giants ruined the greatest season in franchise history, beating the undefeated Patriots in Glendale, Ariz., in February 2008. You know they beat the Patriots in another Super Bowl four years later in Indianapolis. This makes you hate Eli Manning, and curse the lucky catches of David Tyree and Mario Manningham.

Maybe you have read some history and are aware that Bill Belichick coached with the Giants for 12 seasons and won his first two Super Bowls in the Meadowlands.

Quite a few times, Shank!

DHL Dan XC - Painfully Uninformed

...and that might be a big understatement:

Why we can’t tell how good the Patriots are, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while watching the gluten-free, Red Sox-free baseball playoffs . . .

■ It is impossible to tell how good the Patriots are because of the historically bad level of the teams they have played. Truly unbelievable. The aggregate record of the Patriots’ five opponents thus far is 5-18. There are only four winless teams in the NFL, and the Patriots have played three of them in the first five weeks.

Patriots fans, ever-sensitive and protective of The Wall, don’t like the Tomato Can narrative, but it has never been more applicable. In five weeks, the Patriots have faced the wretched of the wretched. Terrible coaches and quarterbacks. Every week.

Actually, there are a number of indicators, the first one being the Patriots are the only 5 - 0 team in the NFL. The Patriots have scored 155 points so far this season, second only to the Ravens with 161. Conversely, the Patriots have allowed a total of 34 points this season. The next two closest teams to that mark are the 49ers (3 games played, 54 points allowed) with the Buffalo Bills next (4 games, 70 points) and the lowest total for a five-game team are the Titans at 76. I'd say that's sufficient to answer Shank's question - they're the best team in the NFL as it stands now but somehow that doesn't seem to register at all with him. As a wise man once said, 'you are what your record says you are'.

Secondly, I'll say this - I don't believe Shank has watched much of the Patriots this year. My observation over the years about Shank's engagement with the Patriots can be determined by two things - game day tweets and columns about Patriots games. To this point in the year he's only done game day tweets last week (Pats at Bills) and he's written no columns about a Patriots game this year. Way to shed that label of being lazy prick!

The rest of the Picked-Up Pieces column shows a heavy interest in baseball and the Red Sox and the usual odd tidbits here and there.

And now for the piece de resistance - if you still have doubts about Shank being an asshole, I can remove that doubt with one sentence:

■ November’s Vanity Fair has an excellent lengthy feature on Bob Kraft’s visits to Orchids of Asia before last year’s AFC Championship game.

Like I said - what possible motive would Shank have to write that sentence other than to stab Bob Kraft yet again in print? What are the odds of the Boston Globe or Shaughnessy mentioning this effete snob magazine's 'excellent lengthy feature' at least a few more times over the next couple of weeks?

Oh - almost forgot one:

■ Brad Stevens knows we all want Tacko Fall to be the 12th man on the Celtics roster. “Everybody wants Tacko,’’ said the coach. “My kids are the same way.” Tacko has to be better than Greg Kite, right?

Who wants to tell Shank that current NBA rosters now have fifteen players and have been for quite some time?

Even His Stories Are Old

Shank hasn't written a column in over a week (for which we should be thankful); might as well tell some old war stories, right?

Fun anecdote courtesy of @Dan_Shaughnessy on how the makeup and roles of NBA coaching staffs have changed over the years. There used to be just 2 assistants, and they’d routinely leave the team during the year to scout: https://t.co/RRBf1SbWKc pic.twitter.com/cxy0pHpias

— Adam Himmelsbach (@AdamHimmelsbach) October 5, 2019

And Now For Some Print Media Bashing

Shank's former employer for one year (2010 - 2011), Sports Illustrated, has announced the sacking of half of its staff:

Things at Sports Illustrated are getting ugly.

Thursday has been a tumultuous day at the company, starting with initial layoff meetings earlier this morning postponed minutes before they were supposed to begin. Hours later, SI’s staff put out a statement of support for each other and against any potential layoffs at the company. Shortly after that statement was released, the layoffs began.

Shank, of course, was himself shown the door by Sports Illustrated back in October / November 2011 when it became obvious that he started mailing in columns and rehashing his Globe columns into CNN / SI columns halfway through that one year stretch.

Great Early Gameday Calls, By Dan Shaughnessy

Couple of shrewd moves by Bills before opening kickoff. They whisk Patriot staffers off field during their warmup, then defer after winning toss.
Still, they will lose. By a lot.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 29, 2019

Is it possible the Bills are worse than the Jets and Dolphins? Patriots have never had it easier and that is saying something.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 29, 2019

The game, of course, was close with a final score of Patriots 16, Bills 10.

Shank Pulls His Punches Again

Well, to the extent he can actually punch, I suppose...

The owners of the Boston Red Sox, avoiding any public discussion about the firing of then-general manager David Dombrowski, finally broke that spell late yesterday afternoon in a classic Friday evening news dump:

Sox owners finally field questions, but spare the clear answers

You say Tomato . . . I say (Tomato Cans? - ed) Bridge Year.

Almost three weeks after firing World Series winning GM Dave Dombrowski, Red Sox (and Globe) owner John Henry finally had a press conference at Fenway late Friday afternoon, before the start of the season-ending series against the moribund Baltimore Orioles.

I’d like to tell you that this session answered all of our questions about the firing of Dombro and the future of the team, but that would be an alternate reality. Accompanied by ubiquitous wingman Tom Werner and CEO Sam Kennedy, Henry (and Werner) responded to 26 minutes of inquiries, but it was a tad confusing and intentionally ambiguous. These guys rarely talk to us and, when they do, sometimes it feels like they are speaking a foreign language. It was an awkward, sometimes bizarre press conference.

Shank did have some questions, primary among them this one:

I asked if this meant the Red Sox are headed for the dreaded Bridge Year.

Three weeks ago, however, Shank didn't seem to have any questions at all about the firing:

Fair or unfair, this felt inevitable. I wrote last month that I would be shocked if Dombrowski was still GM next year and those words were greeted with stony silence on Jersey Street. No one came to the defense of a boss that had just won the World Series and had finished in first place in each of his first three full seasons.

Granted, three weeks between events allows for a few questions to develop but every time I see a journalist 'demanding answers' or 'they need to explain themselves', it's pretty obvious that most of the time they're looking for a groveling apology or something as servile. By the time the column's over, it's clear that Shank does not actually mention any unanswered questions, only his 'disappointment' over the three week delay between Dombrowski getting axed and this press conference. That's probably the best route to take when you're more or less questioning (or not) the guy who writes your paycheck every week.

A Heckling Opportunity Presents Itself

Guess who's coming to my hometown today?

On the day he enters into the @MABroadcasters HOF, I want to recognize the most direct, fearless and honest reporter I’ve ever worked with in Boston. Congrats Jonny Miller!! Will be introduced today in Quincy by @Dan_Shaughnessy

— Mike Petraglia (@Trags) September 27, 2019

And Now For More Boston Globe Employee Bashing

HTML - how does it work?

Best in the business, folks. pic.twitter.com/rIaFiYZMby

— You're Right, Mike! (@YoureRightMike) September 25, 2019

Looks Like Today Is National Goofy Haircut Day

Presented without comment, which doesn't mean you can't comment!

Home for a few days, and was just rummaging in a childhood drawer for something else entirely* when I found this laminated pass. Just goes to show I’ve been a @Dan_Shaughnessy fan since the days of dot matrix library printers!

*A magnifying glass, of all things. Did not find it. pic.twitter.com/yuLDAgV1pT

— Eric Moskowitz (@ELMoskowitz) September 24, 2019

DHL Dan LXXXIX (?) - It's Shetland Pony Time Again, Part Deux

(The above Roman numeral indicating approximate times Shank got morally righteous in one of his columns - your mileage may vary!)

This has not been a decent run for the Boston Globe the past several days since Antonio Brown was released by the New England Patriots. After an initial attempt to criticize the team for bringing Brown on in the first place, Shank's little sister (aka Tara Shaughnessy Sullivan) tries the same lame trick.

Naturally, Shank doubles down on beating a dead horse and disguises it (not very well) as a semi-Picked Up Pieces-type column but injects a new twist - he's gonna criticize his boss as well, likely after being given the green light to do so:

We need answers from team ownership on a couple of matters

What do you mean 'we', kemosabe? And what kind of 'answers' do you seek, besides a groveling apology or two?

Some talking points regarding local sports ownership and accountability . . .

Yes, 'talking points' - a general set list of things to say and cutesy catchphrases that are first passed around to all 'journalists' in a manner reminiscent of the Journolist from the previous decade. Now they just do it via e-mail, once they got busted and exposed for their Borg-like hive mind mentality.

■ The Patriots and Bob Kraft have been in the news plenty over the past couple of weeks. Relatively speaking, it has allowed the Red Sox to skate free. Two weeks ago, the night the Red Sox fired their president of baseball operations, the Patriots were in the early hours of their Antonio Brown romance, raising a championship banner on the night they defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in the season opener.

The firing of Dombrowski largely got lost in the subsequent two-week AB train wreck, but it’s worth discussing at this critical time in Sox franchise history. We can debate the strengths and weaknesses of Dombro forever; it won’t change the fact that he is gone. But we still have yet to hear a single word from team ownership.
...
I sent the Sox/Globe owner an e-mail requesting comment on this. Nothing yet. But he is a busy guy.

How convenient! Dan's pulling his punches with his boss - totally predictable. Now that this boilerplate critique of the Red Sox is behind him, let's introduce the headline act:

■ Now on to Kraft and Brown. Like the Red Sox on a GM, Patriot ownership has said nothing about Brown. Instead, we get planted suggestions from Friends of Bob. The first one came on game day in Miami when we read that “there’s no way Robert would have agreed to this if he knew about AB’s baggage.’’

Swell, but Kraft always had the ability to put a stop to the AB plan and willingly allowed Brown to play against the Dolphins.
…
It should be noted that Brown was no longer an employee of the Patriots when he went on his Twitter attack of Kraft.
Can we get back to the playing field now?

Does that shift of stance make any sense? Shank gets on his 'high horse' demanding answers right off the bat but by the end of the column, he just wants things to be over and 'get back to the playing field'. That would be easier to do without passive-aggressive columns like this one.

It's Shetland Pony Time Again

Did you think the Patriots releasing Antonio Brown would go down without Shank firing a few rounds at them? Hell no!

Patriots get no points for releasing Antonio Brown

I’m wondering if Antonio Brown gets a Super Bowl ring at Bob Kraft’s house next year.

And I’m wondering if the fans who purchased Antonio Brown jerseys from the Patriot Pro Shop for $99.99 will get their money back.

Hope not. The grinning, dopey guy we featured on these pages Friday — hoisting his No. 17 Patriots jersey at Gillette Stadium — deserves a
financial hit for abject stupidity.

On Friday afternoon, when it became obvious that the Brown situation was only going to get worse, the Patriots finally, grudgingly caved and released the talented but toxic wideout.
…
In this instance, the Patriots failed to do anything when it mattered.

I could not disagree more. The moment 'when it mattered' was Brown's first act of assholishness (for lack of a better phrase) while a member of the Patriots. Brown was given a shot at redemption by the Patriots, and he screwed it up. Naturally, this is completely ignored by Shank, who uses the rest of the column to lambaste as many people in the Patriots organization as reasonably possible.

Life's real easy when your whole schtick is second guessing everybody and piling on.

Watch Shank Squirm

On his weekly borefest radio appearance on 98.5 The Sports Hub this morning, Shank wasn't allowed to sleepwalk and re-read his columns during the two hours he was on today:

Quality John Henry bashing right now with @ZoandBertrand
More! MORE!

— Jim Murray (@bigjimmurray) September 19, 2019

Oh, @BlindMike_ . @Marc_Bertrand just grilled Dan on the intern draft and mentioned the @kirkminshow. 11:40 segment.

— Nick Montecalvo (@MonteOutdoors) September 19, 2019

Partial squirmage can be found here:

pic.twitter.com/GXivPWOxJl

— Gumbus Maximus (@Gumbus_Maximus) September 19, 2019

Links to the Shank segments can be found here (first hour and second hour).

I'm wondering how things will play out from here. I don't know if this is a one-off from Beetle or if he keeps the pressure on him next week.

Either way, I'm making a prediction - Shank's days on that program are numbered.

He Who Sits In A Glass House

...should not throw stones:

New weird wrinkle: Antonio Brown accuser, Britney Taylor and Meek Mill have the same attorney: Jonathan Abady. Bob Kraft a well-known freedom fighter for Meek Mill.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 17, 2019

Reader reaction was as expected:

who is Brian McGrory's lawyer?

— Coach_DD (@dpd_hbk) September 17, 2019

Keep connecting the Dots. At some point you’ll be able to say with smug confidence that Kraft assaulted someone

— Jimbo (@TinPickle) September 17, 2019

Dan you work for #BostonGlobe who has an editor that was accused of sexual harassment also an alleged intern pool, then you went on #CNN that has a host Don Lemon accuses of sexual harassment but the #Patriots signing a player accused is where you draw your line in the sand?

— Barry (@LiciousLounge) September 17, 2019

Something tells me that Shank won't be fielding that last question.

I'm Here To Ruin Your Morning Coffee

Retweeted by Shank a few minutes ago; you have been warned...

"If you're on their team, [the Patriot fans] love you and that's that," says @Dan_Shaughnessy on the reaction to Antonio Brown playing his first NFL game for the New England Patriots days after he was sued on allegations of rape and sexual assault.https://t.co/FNNVZyx7Iw pic.twitter.com/E0Mf2Ab79j

— New Day (@NewDay) September 17, 2019

Sometimes I get the impression that a columnist who once wrote 'I write for the fans' didn't really mean it.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Today's column has Shank waxing rhapsodically about Carl Yastrzemski's grandson.

In the old days, it would have been Sherm Feller, Fenway’s voice of God, making the majestic announcement from upstairs in the PA booth.

Now batting . . . Number 8, Carl Yastrzemski. Left field. Yastrzemski.

Tuesday night at Fenway Park, Henry Mahegan will do the honors when Giants outfielder Mike Yastrzemski (No. 5 in your program) steps into the same batter’s box where his grandfather, Carl, stood all those years ago.

“It will be the first time since 1983 that the name ‘Yastrzemski’ will be announced,’’ says Grandpa Yaz, now 80. “It’s definitely going to be emotional. To see him come into Fenway Park where I played for 23 years, to have his name announced, that will be a great thrill for me.’’\

It might just be the highlight of this sorry Red Sox season.

Isn't that a nice touch?

It's Shetland Pony Time

My only surprise about Shank criticizing the New England Patriots over the Antonio Brown situation is that it's taken this long for him to respond:

Two days after killing Odin Lloyd, Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez looked into the eyes of Bob Kraft and lied.

“He said he was not involved,’’ Kraft testified in court in Fall River in 2015. “He said he was innocent.’’

Kraft later said that he was “duped’’ by Hernandez, who was eventually convicted of murder. Kraft told us he was duped when he gave Hernandez a $37 million contract extension. He was duped when Hernandez donated $50,000 to the Myra Kraft Giving Back Fund. He was duped when Hernandez said that the Patriot Way had changed his life.

Here we are again. It is not murder this time. It is a rape allegation. There is no criminal complaint. This is a “he-said-she-said” civil lawsuit filed against wide receiver Antonio Brown.

Of course this comes after other Globies are providing cover fire for Shank to do this relatively unnoticed.

Shank On Former Red Sox Boss Dave Dombrowski

Unable to rag on the New England Patriots after last night's 33-3 stomping of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Shank sets his sights on the former Sox president of baseball operations.

Dave Dombrowski is out as baseball boss of the Red Sox.

The news broke after midnight that Boston’s president of baseball operations had been fired.

Fair or unfair, this felt inevitable. I wrote last month that I would be shocked if Dombrowski was still GM next year and those words were greeted with stony silence on Jersey Street. No one came to the defense of a boss that had just won the World Series and had finished in first place in each of his first three full seasons.

Dombrowski did exactly what he was hired to do when the Sox brought him on board in the summer of 2015. He traded prospects for veteran talent. He signed big name free agents. He threw around contract extensions like fun-sized Halloween candies. He ignored draft and development. And he ignored a lot of the people who worked at Fenway Park.

To some extent, one of the ignored people also included Shank himself. Curious that this column seems to lay all the blame for this season's performance at his feet; nary a word about the players themselves. That part of it doesn't matter, as long as Shank has his fall guy.

Shank's First Salvo At The 2019 New England Patriots

Shank, channeling Sigmund Freud, has the New England Patriots all figured out:

Why Bill Belichick and the Patriots fit our self-image

A sixth championship banner will be unveiled at Gillette Stadium Sunday night before the Patriots kick off their 2019 season against the Pittsburgh Steelers.
As ever, Patriot Nation is smug, arrogant, and oh so satisfied.
I am convinced that the 21st- century Patriots are New England’s favorite team not just because they win, but because they reinforce the local notion that Bostonians are smarter than everybody else.

Jump on the Antonio Brown train wreck? Of course:

How smart? Get a load of this, America. The Patriots just signed Antonio Brown, the best receiver in the NFL and an egomaniacal misfit who acted his way out of Pittsburgh and Oakland in the last six months. It’s going to be all good with Brown now. In Foxborough, he will become an Eagle Scout — Mr. Team Above Self. He will suddenly be a guy who is all about winning and nothing else, simply because he has chosen to be part of the Patriot Way.

Who knew Shank read books?

Blame it on Oliver Wendell Holmes if you must. The Harvard-educated poet and humorist (and father of the legendary Supreme Court justice) is credited with first referencing the State House as “The Hub of the Solar System’’ in the Atlantic Monthly, which begat Boston becoming “The Hub of the Universe.’’

Maybe someone cribbed that stuff for him? That's my bet.

DHL Dan LXXXVIII - The One Where Shank Complains About Nearly Everything

You know what the result is of Shank taking a mini-vacation towards the end of the summer? A picked-up pieces column, of course!

What is amazing about this particular 'effort'is that Shank manages to complain about damn near everything under the sun, including Major League Baseball, the Red Sox, TB12, other NFL franchises (sans 'Tomato Can' references), and sundry others. He's one miserable dude, but you knew that already.