DHL Dan LXIII - Hot Stove Whining

It was announced about nine hours ago that the New York Yankees have acquired top free agent Giancarlo Stanton. About two hours ago Shank's already complaining about the Red Sox not responding to it:

■ Giancarlo Stanton is about to become a Yankee. This is big, people. The Yankees now have two guys who combined for 111 homers last season. It’s back to Mantle-Maris, circa 1961. The addition of Stanton gives the Bronx Bombers a lineup that includes Stanton, Aaron Judge, Gary Sanchez, Didi Gregorius, Brett Gardner, Greg Bird, and Aaron Hicks. The Sox will need more than electronic devices to beat that team. Stanton’s popups to right will be homers in Yankee Stadium. With Derek Jeter helping his old team, the deal is already being compared to Kevin McHale sending Kevin Garnett to the Celtics. Meanwhile, could the Boston baseball winter be any more boring? With the Patriots headed to Minneapolis for the Super Bowl and the Celtics off to a near-historic start, the local baseball team does nothing day after day. And it’s trouble that both Shohei Ohtani and Stanton put Boston on the no-fly list. Guess not everybody wants to play here anymore.

First thing - I continue to be amazed at Shank's ability (and his complete unreasonableness) to whine and bitch about stuff like this. Second thing - I checked a few news stories about this trade (see here and here and here), and I'm unable to verify Shank's hyperbolic statement that "Stanton put Boston on the no-fly list". That's just Shank throwing gas on the fire that he started. Some rational thought on Boston's response can be found here.

From there, it's more baseball stuff and yet another unprofessional criticism of Robert Kraft. Why does he continue to call him Amos Alonzo? Probably because he's still pissed at that Super Bowl breakfast snub from 1996, that's why.

Things that Shank has already written about two dozen times:

■ The AFC has only two good teams and it’s hard to believe the Patriots will be tested any time in January. Most likely to challenge New England is probably the not-so-talented Ravens, because they have two things no one else has: a coach (John Harbaugh) and quarterback (Joe Flacco) who don’t lose their minds at the sight of Bill Belichick and Tom Brady.

He didn't notice when McGwire and Sosa were hitting all those home runs but he notices it now:

■ Adderall is on the list of banned substances in major league baseball, but according to Sports Illustrated’s L. Jon Wertheim, a 2013 report stated that 119 major league players had obtained “therapeutic use exemptions,” allowing for a prescription and absolvement from any tests detecting the banned substance. That’s almost 10 percent of the MLB workforce with a permission slip allowing a banned substance. Hmm.

Bonus - Larry Bird sighting!

Holy Shit

Looks like the lefties and so-called social justice warriors continue their attempts to rewrite history.

The issue is this: In the eyes of some, the Crusader nickname is offensive to non-Christians. Some folks see it as a symbol of slaughters during the 11th century Holy Wars between the Christians and Muslims. Others would argue that a Crusader is simply someone who is fighting for a cause. Webster’s dictionary uses both definitions.

First - so what if a mere name is 'offensive' to someone else? Has a crime been committed, like shouting 'Fire!' in a theatre? In this country we have a First Amendment which implies a right to offend, as Frank Zappa used to note with a label on some of his album covers. The first time I encountered this notion of 'being offended' was in 1993, working a temp. job for Massport. Something happened (I can't remember the contents of the conversation), and one of the weenies I was working with said 'I find that offensive'. I shot him a 'are you serious?' look and walked away, never thinking that this notion would be used in the ensuing decades to effectively curtail speech. In fact, I will amplify my own speech if it offends someone or some people I don't like just to spite them, much like I have been doing with this blog for eight years now with respect to Dan Shaughnessy.

Second, anyone bothering to research the issue for more than five minutes would realize the Crusades began "in response to centuries of Muslim wars of expansion. Their objectives were to check the spread of Islam, to retake control of the Holy Land in the eastern Mediterranean, to conquer pagan areas, and to recapture formerly Christian territories; they were seen by many of their participants as a means of redemption and expiation for sins". I say this as an avowed atheist, who shouldn't give two flying fucks about two groups who go to war with each other over whose book is holier than the other's book. My primary objection is to rewriting and ignoring history by the unwashed hordes of rock dumb Americans who grew up reading Chomsky and Zinn thinking this country is irredeemably racist, sexist, homophobic and bigoted, filled with descendants of slaveholders, Southern rednecks who love NASCAR and pig roasts, and 'climate change' deniers. They can all go jump into Boston Harbor, preferably in a few more weeks during a 'Noreaster.

Third, my high school, Manchester Memorial High School, is nicknamed - you guessed it! - The Crusaders. At least they haven't folded, yet.

This is a tricky issue in this day and age. I live in a town famous for having elementary school kids engage in a recess “tug-of-peace” because “tug-of-war” is too aggressive.

Students writing for the Holy Cross newspaper recently stated, “Why would we not consider changing something that takes away from the experience of our community, even if it is just a single person who takes issue?’’

Many institutions have gone down this path in the last 40 years. The Dartmouth Indians became the Big Green. The St. John’s Redmen became the Red Storm. The UMass Redmen became the Minutemen. The Washington Bullets became the Wizards. The Washington Redskins argument is never going away, and we can all pretty much agree that the Cleveland Indians’ hideous Chief Wahoo is racist — even though everybody in Cleveland seems to love the goofy little guy.

I am not in agreement with the notion that “if one person is offended, we should change things.’’ That’s a black hole from which we can never be rescued. But there’s certainly validity in the opinion that “Crusader” is offensive to some.
...
I know where most of my friends and Holy Cross classmates stand on this. They don’t want to change. And when I ran into Tommy Heinsohn at the Garden last weekend, it was no surprise to hear Tommy’s outrage about the suggestion.

“It’s nonsense,’’ said the Celtics legend (Holy Cross, 1956). “Political correctness. Gimme a break.

So you have two choices - bend over for a bunch of whining, poorly read leftist zombies every time the pacifier falls from their mouth, or tell them in no uncertain terms to go fuck themselves, for the reasons noted above.

Rehashed Radio?

I'm wondering how much of his (and Tara Shaughnessy's) column(s) was rehashed earlier today:

On with @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. It's pre-party for Zo getting Voice of Boston tonight when he Makes the Globies Great Again. House of Blues at 6:30 tonight.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 5, 2017

Introducing Tara 'Shaughnessy'

Look at the crap the newest sports Globie is trying to sell you:

Kudos to the Patriots. But shame on the rest of the AFC East
...
But shame on the rest of the AFC East.

Shame on you Bills, and Dolphins, and Jets, for making this so easy for the Patriots for so many years now, for turning in season after season of futility and inability to match wits, never mind quarterbacks, with the best-run franchise in the NFL, for living so consistently in the shadow of a Belichick-Brady combination that yes, will go down as the greatest combination of coach and athlete our sports landscape has ever known, but has been able to flourish because everyone else just wilts.

If you're of the camp that winning percentages is the most objective measure of success or failure, this is simply an ignorant statement. We go through this shit every fucking year with Shank, and now it has spread to the newest member of the Titantic Globe's sports bureau. Look at the current win totals for 2016 / 2017 - the AFC East is second in total wins (26) to the NFC South, with 28 wins. Look at the prior year - the AFC East is third in total wins (36) behind the AFC West (38) and the NFC East (39). Look at 2015 / 2016 - the AFC East and NFC South are tied with 36, with the AFC East being the only division with three teams at or above the .500 mark.

The recent re-emergence of Super Bowl wins for the Patriots has forced Shank Shaughnessy (and now his sidekick) to sing this 'AFC East Sucks!' tune because the old assertion that the 'Patriots simply aren't that good' doesn't sell anymore.

...but that neither team could either turn it into a championship run or find a way to build on the breakthrough is as much a testament to their failure as credit to the Patriots’ success.

By what measure, total wins? Between crap like this and the mindless 'Tomato Can' labeling, it's little wonder why the media's been taking a heavy beating recently.

UPDATE AT 5:20 PM- Bruce Allen (formerly of Boston Sports Media Watch) piles on:

Welcome, @Globe_Tara but this column has already been written a few dozen times by your new colleague @Dan_Shaughnessy. We were hoping for something original. https://t.co/eclz9mU4w0

— Bruce Allen (@bruceallen) December 4, 2017

Mountain Out Of A Molehill - IV

The New England Patriots won in a convincing fashion yesterday, 23 - 3. Leave it to Shank to focus entirely on the one bad play of the game for the Patriots.

Rob Gronkowski deserves a suspension for his cheap shot on Bills cornerback Tre’Davious White late in the fourth quarter of the Patriots’ 23-3 victory in Buffalo Sunday.

There. Was that so hard?

This is not to say we don’t like Rob Gronkowski. He is one of the best tight ends in the history of football. When healthy, Gronk is virtually unstoppable. He’s also a fun goof who donates to charity, engages fans, and has never been in trouble with the local authorities. He has been a great Patriot and a good citizen and teammate. He’s a Hall of Famer.

More at the link, if you can stomach it.

UPDATE AT 3:55 PM - Gronk's suspended for one game, and Gronk says he will appeal.

Blistering Hot Takes, By Dan Shaughnessy

When it comes to NFL football, Shank's comments are... predictable:

Pats win toss. Defer. Double score is set up for end of first half and beginning of second. Now wait for first Patriot fumble to magically bounce into hands of Patriots.
Nothing ever changes.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 3, 2017

Including his tweets!

Bills starting QB injured on first play of game.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 3, 2017

Presumably right after the Eric Lee interception:

Nice job Bills. The stupidity is like clockwork. So this game is over.
We're on to Miami,

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 3, 2017

Blistering Hot Take

It looks like Shank's recovered from his Belichick hissy fit earlier this week.

There was a run on these at Shaw’s this morning. Folks getting ready for another AFC East game. pic.twitter.com/ZtflNWfO1G

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 3, 2017

Reader reaction was less than constructive:

You desperately need some new material

— Jon Alexander (@JAlexander80) December 3, 2017

I don’t remember this rant when Bird, Parrish and McHale were plowing through the NBA most nights. Happy to be old enough to enjoy both.

— Mark (@me4bostonsports) December 3, 2017

That was slightly funny the first couple hundred times you used it. Enough. #wornout

— Stephen Marsella⚾ (@SPM316) December 3, 2017

Dan is working on a kids book. “Little Tom and the March of The Tomato Cans” .

— BizzaroFelger(@Sports_Schlub) December 3, 2017

We should be so lucky!

Rearranging The Deck Chairs On The Titantic

Looks like there's a new Globie on the sports staff:

Tara Sullivan, The Boston Globe. pic.twitter.com/d5VK6qPxNq

— tara sullivan (@Globe_Tara) December 3, 2017

Mountain Out Of A Molehill - III

Shank decided to stir the pot an entire day after the incident happened:

Now that we have that out of the way, let me say that there’s no place for Belichick’s boorish, bullying response to a fair question regarding not taking Tom Brady out at the end of Sunday’s blowout vs. the chippy, dirty Dolphins. Furthermore, it’s fair to ask if maybe the Patriots are being arrogant and reckless in the belief that New England’s 40-year-old quarterback is impervious to injury and the aging issues that impact the rest of humanity.

Belichick was out of bounds when he dismissed the Boston Herald’s Karen Guregian for asking about maybe taking Brady off the field when it was 35-17 with less than five minutes left. Meanwhile, Brady and the Patriots — in their cult-like belief that Tom cannot get hurt — are asking for trouble by continuing to expose Brady to unnecessary assaults. Like the 1972 Dolphins, Father Time is undefeated.

I saw that segment live and didn't think it was an overly harsh response from Belichick; in fact, it's the type of response we've come to expect from Belichick when he thinks a question is excessively stupid.

Shank noted but didn't seem too busted up about an earlier Belichick press conference:

On Friday, Belichick was asked about the performance of Austin Carr, an undrafted rookie who made highlight reels with his impressive catch at training camp Thursday. Sounds like an innocent question, right? Well instead of offering some platitude about how Carr looked good and the team was excited to see what he could do, Belichick totally rejected the premise.

Here was his response, via the Boston Globe’s Ben Volin:

Shank's trying to start a fire in the absence of kindling. It's not going to catch.

Shank On Dave Cowens

Funny that we're now seeing multiple Celtics themed columns in recent weeks; it can't be due to the recent sixteen game winning streak, can it?

Former Celtics center Dave Cowens will be honored by The Sports Museum at “The Tradition” Tuesday night at the New Garden.

Celtics fans of a certain age need no introduction to Dave Cowens. This is for “the others.’’

That would be like the vast majority of his columns over the decades.

If you didn’t live it, if you didn’t see him play, it’s difficult to explain the essence of Cowens the Celtic. But it has always struck me that Cowens might be the most unappreciated superstar in Celtics history.

Stirring The Pot, Are We?

It should be well established fact by now that Tom Brady does not voluntarily come out of a football game, so why do we get this tweet?

35-17. 3:19 left. Brady still in the game.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 26, 2017

Time For A Supid Tweet

Just after the New England Patriots scored their first touchdown, we get this:

Well, that was fun.
We're on to Buffalo

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 26, 2017

Time For A Stupid Debate

Here we go again - the semi-annual 'Which local team is better?' discussion:

Are the Celtics the No. 2 team in town? Have they vaulted over the Red Sox?

This may not sound like a big deal to some of you, but it is. I can’t remember a time when the Red Sox were not first or second in the market.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in recent days. The argument is relatively meaningless and totally subjective, but lately I’ve found myself wondering if the upstart 2017-18 Celtics are more popular and relevant than the 117-year-old baseball team that just completed back-to-back, first-place, 93-win seasons.

Calm down - it's pretty easy for one team to be the flavor of the day when they've gone on a sixteen game winning streak and the other hasn't played a game for about two months.

DHL Dan LXII - Profiles In Laziness

There's two today - myself for taking two days to note the following: Shank's second mailed-in column this week. Must he that Thanksgiving Week thing!

Picked-up pieces while waiting for another good NFL player to quit his bad team, threaten to retire, then magically show up in Foxborough, born again as a Patriot . . .

■ I am OK with almost any change in sports as long as the Lions continue to be on TV every Thanksgiving.

■ Joe Morgan’s letter to Hall of Fame voters (keep the steroid cheaters out!) is late and too simple. Nothing about this issue gets more clear as time passes.

■ Admit it, Patriot fans. Deep down you wish Bob Kraft had been the one to take on Roger Goodell instead of Jerry Jones. You loved feisty Bob showing up for the Super Bowl in Arizona, demanding apologies, and commissioning “The Wells Report In Context.”

DHL Dan LXI - The Really Awesome Patriots!

Who amongst you out there believes a single word of this?

The Patriots are a team unlike any other team, playing in a league unlike any other league. They have changed the concept of spectator sports for us, extracting the time-tested notion of what might happen on any given Sunday. For Patriots fans, every week is Groundhog Week.

I got out of bed Monday morning to the sound of radio guys talking about how great the Patriots are and how stupid the Raiders were on Sunday. I heard that the Patriots are 17-point favorites against the Miami Dolphins this Sunday at Gillette. I picked up the morning rags and saw where Tom Brady is being compared to Michelangelo. I heard humble Tom deflecting all credit on his contractually obligated weekly radio gig. I heard more radio commentary where hosts submitted an edgy, hot-take poll question forcing Pats fans to make a choice:

1. Are the Patriots awesome?

Or . . .

2. Are the Patriots, like, really awesome?

Covering and writing about the Patriots must have become boring for Shank, so he'll try to fool the rubes with a few phony suck-up columns.

Flaw In The Argument Spotted

When you have to point out that Jay Cutler not playing next week to prove your point, you should reexamine your logic.

Chiefs gonna lose. Cutler appears out for next week. Everything going Pats way again as usual.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 19, 2017

Some followers weren't buying it:

Yeah, the way the Pats lost their number 1 receiver before season started, now Hogan out, one of better d linemen out, special teams cap out. It all just lines up for them. Imagine if they had skill, talent and coaching. Cause only opposing teams have hardship.

— Peter Prodromou(@petepro2) November 19, 2017

Yes because God knows if only the Great Jay Cutler were healthy it would make all the difference

— Greg Temmallo(@MarlboroGMan) November 19, 2017

pic.twitter.com/gVdhseQDpZ

— Jon (@CPJonGoSox) November 19, 2017

What's Old Is New Again

Apparently Shank's weekly appearances on Zo and Bertrand isn't the only place where he reuses recent column themes:

Today on #SeasonTicket: @Dan_Shaughnessy manages to quote both Napoleon Bonaparte and Sun Tzu in describing the mindset of this year's #Patriots team: https://t.co/11iZv0prwy

— WBUR (@WBUR) November 16, 2017

And, of course, Shank doesn't appear to quote Sun Tzu - it's more like the Napoleon Bonaparte quote may have aped a Sun Tzu quote, but that's it. Second - I have trouble believing Shank's read The Art of War or much of anything else.

All Aboard!

The Boston Celtics have won thirteen games in a row. Guess who's now jumping on the bandwagon?

The Celtics in Boston at this hour are more popular than free food. They are the biggest story in the NBA, their TV ratings are off the charts, and we cover them the way Fox News covers Donald Trump, the way CNN covered Barack Obama.

You're not supposed to acknowledge media bias, Shank! Didn't they teach you that at Holy Cross?

Never is heard a discouraging word. Normally skeptical reporters turn to jelly around this team. Everything is awesome. We are all Baghdad Bobs. We are all Tommy Heinsohn.

Je suis Johnny Most.

Impressive command of the French language!

Truth be told, it has me a little off my game.

The scalding Celtics play the world champion Warriors at the Garden Thursday, and New England is agog. The Celtics have won 13 in a row and the Warriors are the greatest team on the planet, perhaps the best ever assembled. Our parquet floor is suddenly the center of the NBA universe. Everything is coming up Green.

I wonder if Shank's ever heard of the 1986 Celtics?

Decades of covering teams in this town have trained me to be cynical.

No, you're just a natural born asshole.

Lord knows we’ve had a lot of championships, but there’s usually some case to be made about questionable coaching, nasty personalities in the locker room, buffoonery in the owner’s box, or a team that is more lucky than good.

And we'll always have Cynical Shank to point all of these negative things out

More Tomato Can Misinformation

Here's Shank yesterday morning:

On today with Zo and Beetle @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. Plenty of Sox in first hour. Plenty of Tomato Can talk, too.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2017

One commenter blew that one right out of the water:

Too bad AFC East is tied for 2nd in wins per division and is the only division w/ all teams winning at least 4 games and is playing NFC South who is 1st in wins

— Dudley DooRagz (@DudleyDooRagz) November 14, 2017

I'm willing to bet that if you look here from this point forward, to the end of the regular season, this point will be borne out. Remember that Shank first started using the 'tomato can' insult against the other three teams in the AFC East division (Buffalo, Miami and the New York Jets). He's since expanded it to include all NFL teams not named the New England Patriots. I'm not sure if Shank would continue to use the phrase even if you hit him over the head with these numbers (because he hates numbers), but I wouldn't put it past him.

There's also a commenter here that pointed this out - this fact (AFC East win totals being greater than all others) has held for the past ten years (the end year being 2015 or 2016) even if you adjust for removing the Patriots / other top division winner from this total. Unfortunately I can't find that post right now. To some extent, Shank is oblivious to certain facts, especially the numeric ones.

Meeting The Deadline

When you're out in Denver with a deadline to meet, this is how you do it - write the majority of the column beforehand, adding unconfirmed speculation to make it interesting:

DENVER — Pay attention, Patriots fans.

You want Bill Belichick to stick around? I think I have the solution.

Belichick is climbing the ladder of NFL coaching legends. The Patriots’ stunningly easy 41-16 victory over the once-tough Denver Broncos Sunday night was Bill’s 270th career win, tying him with Cowboys legend Tom Landry for third place on the all-time list. The only guys ahead of him are George Halas (324) and Don Shula (347), whom Belichick hates.

...insert a paragraph or two of predictable responses by coach Bill Belichick:

An hour after it was over, I tried and failed to get Bill to talk about the meaning of his new ranking among the elite NFL coaches.

“Look, it’s flattering, but honestly, I don’t think that’s the story tonight,’’ he answered. “The story tonight is the way our team performed. To win games in this league you need great players and I’ve been fortunate to have some great players and a lot of great assistant coaches and great staffs. That’s really what it’s about. The players are the ones that make the plays and they did it tonight.’’

...and voila!