What's This 'We' Shit, Kemosabe?

Shank feels left out (or he's feigning it again) of this year's NCAA basketball tournament:

We’re feeling left out of the men’s March Madness — and it wasn’t always like this

No white sport coat. No pink carnation. We are Big Dance wallflowers.

It’s March Madness season across the USA, but here in Greater Boston, we’re not involved. We are the ultimate outsiders. We are landline folks in a SmartPhone World.

The NCAA men’s Division 1 basketball tournament is more popular than ever and launches in full fury Thursday and Friday with subregionals in Columbus, Greensboro, Orlando, Sacramento, Des Moines, Albany, Denver, and Birmingham.

Here in the Hub of the Universe, we have no Terriers or Huskies in this fight. Also, no Eagles, Minutemen, Crimson, or Crusaders.

New England is represented. Sort of. On Friday, 15th-seeded Vermont plays Marquette in Columbus, fourth-seeded UConn faces Rick Pitino’s Iona in Albany, and 11th-seeded Providence plays John Calipari’s Kentucky Wildcats in Greensboro.

Once again, Shank writes a column whose tone is unmistakably provincial and arrogant - it's all about Boston / New England. The kicker is the use of John Calipari's picture to head the column; Shank hates this fucking guy, yet he'll use the picture to help sell the column. I was watching an ESPN '30 for 30' show about John Calipari a few days ago, and at one point it showed a picture of one of Shank's columns bashing Calipari during the end of Calipari's tenure at UMass, otherwise known as the 'run him out of town' phase of the relationship. Utterly shameless.

This Was Not A Difficult Call

Dan Shaughnessy Watch, April 12, 2021:

My final point - you and I know that at some point down the road, say when Calipari steps in some dog crap again, he'll go right back to 'disrespecting' the school. It's tough to teach an old dog new tricks.

Dan Shaughnessy, a few hours ago:

Honoring John Calipari and Marcus Camby with statues is not a good look for UMass

There have been some bad ideas in our New England sports universe in recent years. There was the push for the 2024 Olympic Games, the Red Sox signing of Pablo Sandoval, and the Patriots’ estimation that it was not worth keeping Tom Brady around for another few years.

And now we have folks at the University of Massachusetts — our State U — breathlessly announcing Monday that they are going to “immortalize four basketball legends” with a dedication of statues to Julius Erving, Jack Leaman, Marcus Camby, and John Calipari outside the Mullins Center Sept. 11.

That’s right, ladies and gents. Our State U plans to dedicate statues to Camby and Calipari, two hoop talents who won big, then brought disgrace to UMass when the Minutemen’s 1996 Final Four appearance was vacated because of NCAA violations. UMass was officially erased from Final Four history and ordered to return $151,000 in tournament money.

I'm wondering if John Calipari killed any of Shank's pets, or did the old Kraft Super Bowl Snub on him, but I think the best explanation for the animosity is it's cheap grandstanding at Cal's expense, and that's notable to me because I don't see a lot of evidence of Shank doing the same to Marcus Camby with any regularity.

I'm, more amused by a) the utter predictability of this column and b) some of the Twitter crowd going to town on him:

I cannot imagine thinking something is disgraceful based on the moral standards of the NCAA. Save your outrage for people who actually deserve it, @Dan_Shaughnessy.

BTW, I’m thankful we were spared another Joe Burris & Desmond Tutu reference. 🙄

— Marc Bertrand (@Marc_Bertrand) June 14, 2021

Your employer brought back a field manager who won two championships by cheating to the top. I digress. https://t.co/2p6eNRMUDs

— Boston Radio Watch, Part 2 (@bostonradio2) June 14, 2021

Taking the moral high ground while working for a company where men in their 50’s held an “intern draft” of 19 yr old college girls based on their looks is some real pretzel twisting

— marC (@Zig2K) June 14, 2021

Guilty Conscience?

Nearly two full days after it happened, Shank gets around to one of the most insincere 'congratulations' columns he's ever written, this one involving the University of Massachusetts - Amherst men's college hockey champions of 2021:

A well-deserved salute to UMass athletics and the recently crowned men’s hockey champs

Congratulations to the University of Massachusetts men’s hockey team, which won the NCAA championship, defeating St. Cloud State, 5-0, Saturday night in the final game of the Frozen Four at PPG Paints Arena in Pittsburgh.

Congrats to coach Greg Carvel, goalie Filip Lindberg, skaters Bobby Trivigno, Anthony Del Gaizo, Zac Jones, Matthew Kessel, Matt Murray, Carson Gicewicz, Jake Gaudet, Oliver Chau, Aaron Bohlinger, Ryan Sullivan, athletic director Ryan Bamford, school president Marty Meehan, chancellor Kumble R. Subbaswamy and all the other players, coaches, trainers, support staff, alums, and fans of UMass hockey.

Hope you're sitting down for this next part:

Before we go any further, let me also apologize to every member of the UMass Amherst community who feels you guys never get enough coverage or credit. Through the years, hundreds of friends and correspondents from UMass have made it clear they regularly feel disrespected by the Boston sports media, particularly the Globe. We (I) have routinely mocked them as Hooterville, embarrassingly beholden to the corrupt regime of John Calipari, and in 2021 obtusely tolerant of a foolish foray into big-time college football.

Not today.

Today we toast all that is good about UMass sports. We salute UMass’s national champions, skaters who are part of a program that won a Division 2 championship in 1972, was disbanded in 1979, and did not resurface until the Mullins Center opened in 1993. Until this weekend, goalie Jonathan Quick was UMass’s greatest contribution to the sport.

What a fucking gutless weasel. Shank has indeed spent many a column over a great length of time trashing John Calipari (and by extension the University) and he attempts to absolve himself with the use of a single letter (I).It's entirely possible Shank has done the majority or all of the 'disrespecting' of that university in his newspaper. For that, I'd need to a) give a shit about other Globies and b) waste time reading them to know for sure.

My final point - you and I know that at some point down the road, say when Calipari steps in some dog crap again, he'll go right back to 'disrespecting' the school. It's tough to teach an old dog new tricks.

UPDATE at 6:05 PM - Opening sentence was clunky, threw in some words to make it clearer.

Is Shank Pretending To Be An NBA Scout?

I couldn't help but think that when I read this article:

The latest case comes from a NBA scout who anonymously commented on several of Kentucky’s basketball players to Sportsnet New York’s Adam Zagoria in the wake of the Wildcats’ 75-73 win over Louisville Saturday, praising point guard Tyler Ulis, offering mixed comments on shooting guard Jamal Murray and calling big man Skal Labissiere a “fraud,” “a ‘Paper Tiger,'” and “a mock draft myth.”

One word here certainly sticks out, doesn't it?

It's not like Shank lacks the motivation to take a shot at coach Calipari. I'm just asking the question!

Cal Up in Arms Over UMass Award

This is classic.

The CHB continues blasting the decision by UMass Amherst to honor former men's basketball coach John Calipari and no one cares!

This is not the first time Shank has whined about the pending feting. He made essentially the same argument back in March.

But it's better this time because when The CHB queries UMass president Marty Meehan about the move, the "sports buff and a Massachusetts lifer" completely shoots him down:

In the four months I’ve been on the job as president of the system, I haven’t got one complaint about this from the Amherst campus,’’ said Meehan. “The Amherst campus, the faculty, the dean, the students, they’re not shy. Calipari is very involved with UMass. He’s raised significant money for UMass. He’s contributed to UMass. And we’re a university that needs to get more people to come back and do that.

This is why the joke in j-school is that "dumb sportswriter" is redundant: The CHB has his skirt all tied up in knots over something that no one cared about 20 years ago and is even less (if possible) newsworthy today. It's just sports! It's a kid's game!

Everyone (except, apparently, Shaughnessy) knew Coach Cal was cheating long before the NCAA blew its whistle, and Dapper Dan would have known too, had he not been so busy losing bets and scamming the IRS.

Do you think The CHB feels remorse for asking Tom Werner for a job for his daughter, as has been rumored for years?

Do you believe the Elf on the Shelf is real?

New Column Fodder

Now that the University of Kentucky has lost in the Final Four and thus deprived of their quest of a perfect season, do we have even money on the odds of a Shank column taking his last shit on coach John Calipari for the calendar year?

Grinding The Ax

The Kentucky Wildcats won their first two games of this year's NCAA tournament. As sure as the sun rising every day, you can count on Shank to take another shit on coach John Calipari.

Kentucky wins. Again and again.

I love this story. I love to poke fun at coach John Calipari, Kentucky superfan Ashley Judd, and citizens of BBN (Big Blue Nation, didn’t you know?).

No you don't - you just like taking steaming dumps on Calipari. You have yet to say a word either way about Ashley Judd, and anything you say about Big Blue Nation is simply cover fire for taking shots at the coach.

I love the idea that we have a team in the NCAA Tournament that is 36-0, with a maximum of four games remaining. If the Wildcats run the table they will be the eighth NCAA men’s team to finish undefeated, and the first in 39 years. No team has ever finished 40-0.

From there it's a long, drawn out discussion of perfect NCAA teams, Shank noting that Calipari's suit was 'right out of "Goodfellas"', and that there "may be more NCAA Tournament vacancies in Calipari’s future". No shot too cheap for this columnist.

Low Hanging Fruit

The more wins John Calipari racks up with the Kentucky Wildcats, the more chances Shank gets to take a dump on the guy, this being the second one of the year:

Here we are. Kentucky, the No. 1-ranked team in the country — coached by John Calipari — is on the cusp of NCAA history, 31-0 after Saturday’s win over Florida. Meanwhile, the folks at UMass have decided to retire Coach Cal’s “number,” and this weekend marks the 20th anniversary of him refusing to allow a Globe reporter to visit his home for Selection Sunday (nope, no animosity here! - ed).

Sometimes there is not enough space in our newspaper to articulate all the thoughts, and state all the points, that need to be made.

Let’s start with this: John Calipari is a magnetic figure, undoubtedly the greatest college basketball recruiter of the 21st century. He works the NCAA’s cesspool system better than any man alive. He is charismatic. He came to Amherst more than a quarter of a century ago as a Rick Pitino wannabe, but now he has vaulted over Pitino, and created the Brand of Cal. He is probably going to win a second national championship with Kentucky this year and is no doubt a swell dancer and would make for a fine dinner companion.

But as a Massachusetts taxpayer, I have a problem with UMass “retiring” Coach Cal’s number.

The only time Shank pretends to give a rat's ass about sports at UMass is when he can use it to take shots at John Calipari. That said, there's little to debate with respect to Calipari's tenure at both UMass and Memphis, where he and / or the team were hit with NCAA sanctions both times. He's not exactly Coach K in the ethics department.

What's interesting here is the italicized part above. When the New England Patriots played in their second Super Bowl in 1997, the Patriots threw a party and Shank was not invited. We believe this to be the point where Shank became a lifelong bête noire of the Patriots. If he disliked the Patriots at that point (or, more specifically, owner Robert Kraft), this snub was the proverbial nail in the coffin.

In much the same manner, if Shank disliked Calipari in 1995, this snub of a fellow Boston Globe reporter pretty much sealed the deal from that point until now.

It's Shetland Pony Time Again

Shank showed up on the Bertrand & Zolak show a few days ago to take his annual dump on Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari.

File this under Slow News Week...