Now I'm A Believer?

That one's for you, Monkeesfan!

Shank sits down with Bill Parcells, who tells Shank what football's all about:

What’s the secret to the Patriots’ success? Let Bill Parcells explain

When you cut through all the analysis, strategy, fame, and gossip that’s been part of this historic two-decade Belichick-Brady dynasty, there’s one football element that’s more important than anything else:

The Patriots win because they don’t turn over the football.

It’s really that simple. The 2019 Patriots are an NFL-best 10-1 (tied with the Niners). Not coincidentally, they have the best turnover differential: plus-19. The next-best team is plus-10. The Patriots have 29 takeaways and only 10 giveaways. It is the annual secret to their success.

I could have sworn that on a number of previous occasions Shank had described Belichick's turnover philosophy as 'obsessive' or some such denigration. Unfortunately, I came up emptyhanded looking for examples and actually found the opposite from an old column:

Zero turnovers in the cold and snow of Chicago is particularly impressive. Absence of turnovers is the ultimate formula for success in the NFL.

It's That Time Of Year

...when Shank pretends to care about high school football.

It is supposed to be the football highlight of a high school senior’s life. You invest a great part of your youth playing football and it culminates in the annual Thanksgiving Day game against a century-old rival. Morning football jousts give way to afternoon turkey, stuffing, and canned cranberry sauce.
The rest of the country has Friday Night Lights. Here in Massachusetts we have Turkey Day bragging rights.
Sweet.
But our ancient ritual has been modified and in many cases, severely diluted.
This is not the fault of global warming, the Internet, or millennial apathy. The change in our traditional Thanksgiving football rivalry games is owed to changes in the MIAA state football playoff format.

It Must Be Passive-Aggressive Week

We're only two days into the week and we see Shank kicking Tom Brady when he's down, and for his second act he's gonna pull a few punches with former Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez:

Manny Ramirez is apologetic, contrite, and renewed by his faith

All these years later, Manny Ramirez wants you to know that he loves you and that he is sorry for mistakes he made while playing in Boston.

He is sorry he knocked down Red Sox traveling secretary Jack McCormick over a ticket issue when the Sox were in Houston in 2008. He is sorry for the way he shot his way out of town and got himself traded to the Dodgers later that season. He is sorry he got popped for PEDs three times.

“It’s a mistake,’’ Manny said of his failed drug tests. “It’s like Barry [Bonds], Alex [Rodriguez], and everybody that was in that [Mitchell] Report. We made mistakes. I cannot go back and change it. I think it’s going to be good for young players to see what happened in that time. But when you’re good, you’re good. Those things don’t make you a better hitter.’’

That's as harsh ash Shank gets in the column about Manny. A few sentences later the irony meter exploded:

…
Manny signed an eight-year, $160 million contract with the Red Sox before the 2001 season and made good on 7½ seasons of the deal. He was a latter-day Jimmie Foxx, good for about .312, 40 homers, and 120 RBIs every year. He was MVP of the World Series when the Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino in 2004. Paired with David Ortiz, he gave the Sox a Babe Ruth-Lou Gehrig combo.

But he also was goofy. Fans loved it most of the time, but “Manny being Manny” sometimes triggered headaches for teammates, managers, and owners.

Readers need an occasional reminder or two or even three in order to keep the record straight - Shank was no friend of Manny Ramirez, until now.

Frustration

That's the theme of yesterday's column on Tom Brady and the New England Patriots after they ground out a 17-10 win on the road against the Philadelphia Eagles.

Tom Brady is frustrated with the Patriots offense, but won’t take any blame himself

The Patriots are 9-1, sharing the best record in football. But the New England sky is falling because Tom Brady is unhappy. And Brady is not taking blame for anything regarding the Patriots’ struggling offense. Evidently, we all need to give Tom a hug and tell him it’s not his fault.

Postgame Sunday, Brady looked as if his dog just died. Frowny face. Mr. Mope.

He came to the podium after New England’s 17-10 rock-fight victory over the Eagles and presented like an 8-year-old about to get a flu shot. He took nine questions and delivered nine clipped answers, speaking a total of 130 words in just over 100 seconds.

A few observations - you can tell right away that Shank's focused on this column by which the half-clever crafted insults are hurled at Tom Brady. It also seems like he's been waiting to write this column (again) since the last time it was all over for the Patriots quarterback.

As befit a number of other Dan Shaughnessy columns, he swiped the prevailing theme from somebody else on Monday and ran with it:

Brady was back with a few more words early Monday when he called into WEEI’s “The Greg Hill Show,” fulfilling a contractual obligation he’s had since he became a starter two decades ago.

Hill started by telling Brady that it looked like the QB needed a hug after Sunday’s game. Then he asked if this was the most frustrated Brady had been after a win.

“I don’t know,’’ Brady started. “I think I’m always generally frustrated during football season . . . so, yeah . . . I was very happy we won. But I just wish we played better offensively. You have to go do it. I don’t think it’s about talking about it, it’s about doing it and trying to get the best we can out of our offense to see if we can be more productive and score more points.’’

To which Shank speculates:

Some might take this as an indication that Brady is finally looking 42 years old.

And we know who 'some' is, don't we? Eventually, Shank will be right....

DHL Dan XCIII - Cheatin' Bastards

Shank tosses out another picked-up pieces column while he wishes for another loss by the Patriots:

Picked-up pieces while wondering whether Malcolm Butler will tune in when the Patriots play the Eagles on Sunday.
■ Are sports fans bothered when their teams are caught cheating?

The investigation into the 2017 world champion Astros — triggered by charges from a former Houston pitcher — touches fans everywhere, certainly those who root for New England teams.

Nobody around here liked it much when the Super Bowl-winning Patriots were caught and punished in the Spygate and Deflategate scandals. We lived through years of pushback, denials, and controversy as fans in other regions tried to assign the Patriots’ stunning success to petty crimes and misdemeanors.

Shank's done exactly that numerous times during his stint at the Boston Globe, and that's not restricted only to the Patriots.

UMass Sucks!

At least their football program does, sayeth The Shank:

UMass’s football team, and its brand, are taking a beating

UMass’s football program is an embarrassment. This is not the fault of the student-athletes. It is the fault of the UMass administration and the athletic department. The players are not being put in a position to succeed, and that’s on the grownups and the citizens of Massachusetts who are letting this happen.

Simply put, the Minutemen should not be playing big-time college football. They lose by whopping scores. UMass is 1-9. Here are the scores of the Minutemen’s last five games:

Florida International 44, UMass 0.

Louisiana Tech 69, UMass 21.

UConn 56, UMass 35.

Liberty 63, UMass 21.

Army 63, UMass 7.

At least he's consistent with his purported desire for better collegiate competition.

Dwight Evans, Hall of Famer?

Shank certainly feels that way, with a pretty good column to back it up.

Could this be the year Dwight Evans makes the Hall of Fame?

New England baby boomer sports fans are a romantic lot. In this spirit there are local athletes from the 1960s and 70s who enjoy a lifetime of love owed to accomplishments from 30 or 40 years ago. Not necessarily Hall of Famers, the local legends are routinely showered with affection if they appear at a card show or merely stroll around the corridors of Fenway, Gillette, or the Boston Garden.

These are guys like Luis Tiant, Terry O’Reilly, Bill Lee, Steve Grogan, Freddie Lynn . . .
And Dwight Evans.

Dewey. Best right fielder we ever saw. The man who made The Catch of Joe Morgan’s long drive in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series. The man who got the big hits and provided the big moments in those years when the Red Sox annually almost won it all.

Familiar With The Premise

If there's one sports columnist that can write about it with authority, it's Shank:

Face it, Red Sox fans, you are overrating Mookie Betts a bit

All Red Sox fans love Mookie Betts. And what is not to love? He was MVP in 2018, hitting .346 with 32 homers. He has led the American League in runs each of the last two seasons. He is a Gold Glove right fielder, playing half his games in the toughest right field in baseball. He is an electric player and has never done anything to tarnish himself or the uniform.

But he is also a free agent at the end of next season, shows no signs of re-upping with the Red Sox, and, quite frankly, is a tad overrated around here.

Look in the mirror, big guy...

DHL Dan XCII - Another Predictable Shaughnessy Column

The New England Patriots lost to the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday night. Shank barely wrote about the Patriots over the past two months, so of course Shank devotes a column to their first loss of the season, half-disguised as a lazy Picked Up Pieces column:

Patriots-Ravens had something that’s been missing all season: competition

■ Sunday’s 37-20 loss to the Ravens was easily the most entertaining Patriots game of the season thus far. Sorry, but I find a game like this more enjoyable than yet another nauseating 60-minute network homage to the greatness of Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, Bob Kraft, and New England’s Boogeyman defense.

Patriots-Ravens was still a 4-point game through three quarters. The Patriots had plenty of chances to come back and win it. Silly me, I find this more exciting than watching a 43-0 blowout at Miami, or seeing the Browns turn the ball over on three consecutive touches in the first half of a beatdown at Gillette. I like it when there’s some big-boy pushback from the other team, when the coach on the other sideline is not genuflecting at the Altar of Bill.

He's only happy because the Patriots lost.