The One Where The CHB Decries Success

For today's version of Stupid Human Tricks, The CHB ties himself into a knot trying to decide whether the Red Sox management, Bobby Valentine or the team itself is to blame for this year's underperformance. Ultimately -- meaning for today -- he settles on owner John Henry.

But what's not allowed: discussion of injuries. No matter that the Sox have lost their starting 2B, SS, 3B, LF, CF, RF and DH, all to the DL, plus countless pitchers of all stripes. That's not a good reason, according to Shaughnessy. Which is fair, in a way, since no one blames his complete lack of logic on the fact that he's a total retard.

The CHB clearly is drooling over the prospect of continuing to lay into Henry for having the audacity to own more than one professional franchise. This is disingenuous, of course (see "retard," above), for many reasons. If Henry were making daily decisions, Shaughnessy would attack him for interfering. Oh, and one may recall Jerry Reinsdorf, another hands-off executive who just happens to own the Bulls and the White Sox, they of a combined seven league titles.

Maybe Shaughnessy's just jealous that it was Henry, and not himself, who ended up nailing the very becoming Linda Pizzuti.  Ah well, Shank, back to the fatties at The Fours for you.