Monday, April 02, 2007

It's Not Baseball, It's a Celebrity Event

Dan chose to celebrate the greatest day in the baseball season by ....

A. Discussing the hope and joy that surrounds the return of baseball;

B. Outlining some of the great things to look forward to this season;

C. Rehashing the hype that surrounds a player who will not play today filled in with random observations and dated references.

While A and B would have been enjoyable to the reader, each would have required effort on Dan's part to craft an original and coherent column. Instead, Dan decided to write a piece on the obvious and, in an attempt to make it relevant to the day, added some throwaway material.

Once again, Dan tells us Daisuke Matsuzaka is a big deal. Once again, I feel the need to tell Dan that his readers get it. Pretty much half the column rehashes the posting fee, the number of Japanese reporters, and fans coming to see him. And if this column doesn't sate your appetite for the obvious, just wait until Wednesday when we get to do it all over again.

Of course this cow quit on Dan and he needed something else to fill the minimum page count. Let the dated and tired references fly! "The Red Sox are the baseball Beatles. They are Elvis.; "the Sons of Terry Francona, "it probably won't be long before there's a new Dice-K dance craze on par with the Twist of the 1960s and the Macarena of the 1990s. How long before everybody's doing the Gyro?"

Dan avoids it long enough, but at the end of the column he realizes that he has to tie all this all in to the day. He gives us about 100 words on the upcoming season. And he isn't telling you anything a bright twelve-year who follows the team doesn't already know. Glad to know that those weeks in Spring Training weren't wasted.

After Dan described Schilling's blog as a sycophantic wasteland filled with losers last week, Dan writes that it is "exhaustive" and states that Schilling's reputation "needs no embellishment here." Very cute, Dan.

Pedroia Watch
Dustin Pedroia is a suspect/prospect

Don't wait on Dan telling us why this is so, or why Pedroia is different than any of the other prospects who break in every year. I suspect Dan's reasons have more to do with the front office liking Pedroia than anything on the field.


Jim said...

Instead of CHB, maybe Dan's new nickname should be MII (pronounced Me) for Mailing-it-in. It seems that Dan-O has decided that, as with most "journalists" these days, the convenient overrides the informative. It would have probably been way too much to ask Danny-boy to explain his numerous fragmented sentences.

endangered coffee said...

yahizI know there are a lot of quirks to pick on with Shaughnessy, but, please, God, let him retire the "Sons of Francona, Belichik, etc." device. One simple request, and I will even be willing to look past the Marcerena references for a short time.

Chris said...

It's Monday night and the Red Sox got spanked BUT GOOD in their opener at KC. I am saying this now: If I see a headline in tomorrow's paper that reads 'Rude Awakening' I will puke all over those lazy retards at the Boston Globe.

Dave M said...

Coffee--I could not agree more on the whole "Sons of Francona" device.

Chris, you know Shank will be in rare form tomorrow. I am sure it will be a bitter piece of bile.

Jim--good thought on the nickname

Anonymous said...

Dan's written something already. I don't even want to click it.

mouse said...

Man, that didn't take long. Less than six hours after the Sox get smacked around and Shank already has a tired, whining, doom and gloom article up. Nice.