Thursday, June 29, 2006

He Named Names

It was Dan's long awaited take on the even-longer awaited return of Pedro Martínez to Fenway Park. It was hard to say which one stunk worse.

Summoning the ghost of Saul Bellow, The CHB ticked off a litany of names and out-of-place references: John Wasdin, Sonny Liston, Floyd Patterson, Johnny Damon, Cal Ripken, Barbra Streisand, Ann Coulter (!). Other than naming names, though, intermixed with a pedestrian game account, the column lacked any sense of depth or proportion of what the game meant to Martínez.

The CHB did note that Pedro didn't have his best stuff (eight runs allowed on seven hits and two walks in three innings), yet he (thankfully) shelved the childish nicknames (the Dominican Diva, for example) and his usual snideness, save one line: "We saw some of old Pedro when he drilled Loretta in the wrist on an 0 and 2 pitch with two outs and nobody aboard in the second" (as if Pedro, down 4-0 at that point and with Ortiz and Manny due up next, would really pick that spot to make a point).

Perhaps The CHB let up as he sensed -- correctly for a change -- that the winds were blowing Pedro's way, that Boston fans recognized the masterful performance he put on during his time in Boston and were ready to welcome him home.

No, you don't need a weatherman to tell which way the wind blows. Just read Dan.

Grady Little watch (you knew there would be one, didn't you?): "He rarely cracked 90 miles per hour and needed 75 pitches to get through the three frames. Even Grady Little would have pulled him out of this one."


Anonymous said...

I'd gladly drill either of you two "chief" chumps on an 0-2 count. Up and in, on the temples, to readjust your frontal lobes. That's where creativity comes from, right?

Get over Shaughnessy, get over yourselves. Your act is dim and tired.

The Chief said...

Thanks for stopping by, Dan!

jenny said...

Wonder if Dan realizes that Gordon Edes already wrote the game recap, because that's all this is.

The Couch Potato said...

Anonymous - it's always good to do a little self-education prior to an attempt to insult someone, unless, of course, your point is to be half-a**ed.

First off, I would posit that it's physically impossible to drill someone "on the temples". Think about it: they're on opposite sides of the head. Secondly, the lobe of the brain that lurks around the temple area is - WOW! - the temporal lobe. Surprisingly enough, the frontal lobe is located behind the forehead. Pretty cool, linking "frontal" and "fore-", don't you think?

Lastly, it's the temporal lobe that is the seat of creativity, not the frontal. Interestingly enough, the frontal lobe is the seat of good judgement & impulse control. Apparently, both of which you lack in spades.

Get your facts straight before you come talking smack, son.

fadedredsoxhat said...

As I was reading CHB's column today, I was picturing him with a cigar in one hand, empty champagne bottle in the other, party hat, wife-beater top, and disco dancing in his living room. Could he have been any happier that Pedro flopped?

The Chief said...

"The CHB in wife-beater top, disco dancing"


Objectivebruce said...

I just love how whenever anyone points out the childish nah-nah-nah prattle that characterizes this blog, they are accused of being Shaughnessy.

And I'd suggest that the columnist doesn't perpetually check "which way the wind blows" and as a result most of his readership disagrees with him at one point or another.

Of course with the infantile knee-jerk crowd, columnists are supposed to cater to the conventional wisdom and never, NEVER, write or say anything that is not based on unconditional love for a private business.

Anonymous said...

bruce, why do you have to be such a fag?