Not At A Loss (For Words)

Five game losing streak by the Red Sox (and a sixth on the horizon)? You bet Shank is all over it:

NEW YORK — Let’s not exaggerate. The Red Sox have endured worse weeks than the one we just witnessed. There was January 1934 when a large portion of Fenway Park burned down in the aftermath of a 63-86 season. There was 1983 when Buddy LeRoux staged an ownership coup on the same night the club was honoring Tony Conigliaro, who had lapsed into a coma. There was the day the Sox hired Joe Kerrigan as their manager. And let’s not forget that fateful week in 2011 when the Sox fired Terry Francona after a collapse owed to chicken and beer.

When a team has been around since 1901, there’s a high bar for low moments, but this past week in Sox World was pretty darned bad. The defending champs appeared demoralized by their front office’s inability to acquire pitching help at the trading deadline. Baseball boss Dave Dombrowski delivered a message that he doesn’t believe in the 2019 Sox and the players responded accordingly, losing five straight for the first time since a last-place season in 2015.

Quick column summary for you tl;dr types - it's all Dombrowski's fault.

Swept Up

It seems the only time Shank bothers to write about a Red Sox / Yankees series is when he's complaining about it. A few days ago he bitched about the slow pace of the games, and naturally his next column came after a loss by the Red Sox.

Was a sweep too much to ask?

Red Sox fans are a greedy lot. That’s what happens when you win four championships over 15 seasons.

And Shank's done his level best to minimize and downplay every one of them.

And so sweep talk dominated the Boston baseball landscape in the hours leading up to Sunday night’s ESPN hardball festival.

The 2019 Sox — sluggish for so much of this season — pantsed the first-place Yankees over the first three games of this series. Boston won all three games, outscoring New York by a whopping 38-13. The Sox struck a ridiculous 33 extra-base hits over three days, winning games by hideous scores of 19-3, 10-5, and 9-5. Brutal beatings, every one.

And when the Red Sox failed to sweep the Yankees, Shank's all over it like a fly on shit. For those of you who dare to read the rest of the column, note the exquisite detail in which Shank goes to document the manner in which the Sox lost the game. You can just picture the perma-smirk he had while banging this column out.

The One Where I Agree With Shank

Since the Tour de France is still going on I was watching that instead, but Shank has (dare I say it) a good column about the Sox / Yankees games.

The third-place Red Sox beat the Yankees, 19-3, Thursday, improving to 2-6 vs. New York this season. The Sox trail the first-place Bronx Bombers by 10 games, 11 in the loss column. The two teams have scored an aggregate 72 runs in their last three meetings.
Are we having fun yet?

Not me. I believe the Sox and Yankees are on a mission to kill baseball.

These ancient rivals play interminable games. They grind. They foul off a million pitches. They step out of the box. They teach their pitchers to strike every batter out. They do not want “the chaos of the ball in play.’’ They drain all the blood from your face. They do this until the only people still “watching” are old folks who fall asleep in front of the TV.

If I recall correctly, the London series between these two clubs (two games) was a combined nine hours long.

Check that:

When the Sox played the Yankees in London the games went 4:42 and 4:24. Back to back. A great way to sell the product overseas, no?

Well, they're like shorter cricket matches, so there's that...

There's No Promotion

...like self-promotion - check out this retweet by Shank, complete with a picture of his latest book and a trendoid hipster beer, natch:

Checked another book off the summer reading list tonight with @Dan_Shaughnessy’s Francona book.

Best read of the year so far. Always rooting for Tito when he’s not facing the Sox. pic.twitter.com/mkVakTic3W

— Miles McQuiggan (@MilesMcQuiggan) July 23, 2019

Milestone Reached

The post below this one is the 3,000th post of the Dan Shaughnessy Watch. As Ric Flair would say, Whooooooo!

DHL Dan LXXXVI - Summer With The Shank

Doesn't sound like we missed a whole lot:

COOPERSTOWN, NY — Picked up pieces from three days at the Hall of Fame.
■ The Red Sox had a relatively light representation at Sunday’s induction ceremony. Among the new Hall of Famers — Mariano Rivera, Edgar Martinez, Roy Halladay, Mike Mussina, Harold Baines, and Lee Smith — only Smith played for Boston and that was a mere two-plus seasons between 1988-90. Smith surrendered a game-losing, 10th-inning, two-run homer to fellow Hall of Famer Alan Trammell in his first Sox game and was part of Morgan Magic in 1988.

Pedro Martinez, Jim Rice, Wade Boggs, and Dennis Eckersley were among more than 50 Hall of Fame players on stage with Smith and the other new inductees. Carlton Fisk and Carl Yastrzemski did not attend the New York-centric ceremony.

That's A Big 10-4

Here's Shank getting an easy column out of David Price reigniting his 'feud' with Dennis Eckersley:

COOPERSTOWN, N.Y. — I’ve never really found it hard to take sides in the David Price-Dennis Eckersley dust-up. Price is a talented baby who feels he is being a good teammate and a tough guy when he rips Eckersley. A bewildered Eckersley, who never wants to talk about it, just shrugs his shoulders and wonders about his nonsensical nemesis in the Sox clubhouse.

“He’s my new Kirk Gibson,’’ Eckersley said with a laugh Saturday in Cooperstown, N.Y. “Everywhere I go people are asking me about David Price, telling me what he said about me. For years, I carried the Gibson thing around. Everybody was droppin’ a Gibson on me. Now I got this. I don’t get it.’’

No one understands it. But let’s get one thing straight: This is not a back-and-forth feud. This is Price — twice in three years — going out of his way to attack Eckersley. Eck has never fired back and he’s not firing back now. He initiated none of it and studiously avoids the topic. I tried to get him to talk about it again Saturday with no luck. Eck just wants to enjoy his life, his grandchildren, and his broadcast career. He’s recovered from alcoholism, broken marriages, and surrendering one of the most famous home runs in World Series history. A few mean words from a petulant millionaire lefty can’t hurt him.

Agreed - Price is acting like a jerkoff and he should just can it.

The One Where Shank Starts To Turn On David Price?

Shank's been pretty supportive of Red Sox pitcher David Price ever since the Sox signed him three and a half years ago. That appears to be changing.

Fellow Boston Globe baseball reporter Chad Finn is doing a story on former MLB ace and current NESN announcer Dennis Eckersley and the 2017 'feud' between Eckersley and Price has now become the focal point, at least for some people around here:

I mean David Price won a World Series here and Eck did not, so I guess the fans can rally around him now in this weird feud. Here he basically implies nobody likes Eck past or present, but he has lots of friends that will say nice things about him after he retires. Cool, I guess https://t.co/2RbtS4MD2q

— Matt Dolloff (@mattdolloff) July 17, 2019

I interviewed people for the story and didn't use anything they said because there was so much universal praise for him that it got redundant. Jim Rice loves him. Remy. Buddy Bell. He's a son to La Russa. Scott Sanderson, who recently passed away, loved him On and on ... https://t.co/HuyMbB8QCN

— Chad Finn (@GlobeChadFinn) July 17, 2019

Further, the MLB doc included interviews with ex-teammates Ron Darling, Bruce Hurst, Mark (And I'm Mark) McGwire, Ray Fosse, and Fred Lynn, among others. https://t.co/13Gx5VDl8G

— Chad Finn (@GlobeChadFinn) July 17, 2019

Naturally, Shank has to weigh in with a tweet that demonstrates a lack of self-awareness:

David Price thinks he holds the cards. Then why be such a jackass? https://t.co/vY7eeFsdDn

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) July 17, 2019

There are plenty of things that Shank's written about over the years that make him look like a jackass, so let's savor that irony for now. Further down the road, if the Red Sox can't land a playoff spot and Price winds up pitching poorly, expect Shank's criticism of Price to reach the point where he'll become the next Red Sox player to be run out of town by His Shankness.

UPDATE AT 5:40 PM - Sure looks like Shank's setting the table to eventually run David Price out of town when the time is right:

Just spoke with Bruce Cornblatt, sr. producer of MLB Eck Doc. Said, "I came away feeling Eck's teammates all loved him. We got 100 % cooperation from those we asked. Hurst, Fosse, Darling, McGwire, Lynn, Remy.We didn't ask many. By design. This was supposed to be Eck on Eck.''

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) July 17, 2019

Re-establishing that Price doesn’t know what he’s talking about https://t.co/H950NZa8RZ

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) July 17, 2019

You Were Saying...?

No one pummels Tomato Cans like these 2019 Red Sox. Look for them to go 7-0 vs. Jays and Oriole this week. Whee! Then they will suck vs. Yankees and Rays. Show pony Sox are 19-28 (.404) vs. teams with winning records.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) July 15, 2019

Andrew Cashner’s debut just more of the same https://t.co/DOK6ORRtGf via @BostonGlobe

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) July 17, 2019

Simply Unbelievable

(another in an occasional departure from Shank bashing)

There I was a little while ago, sitting around and watching old Star Trek reruns on BBC America, happy as a clam, when a commercial came on and I flipped the channels. For some reason I turned it to 'The "Best" of Felger and Mazz' and tuned in to a segment when Felger and (who I'm pretty sure was) Adam Jones, subbing on for the nearly equally loathsome Tony Massarotti (more on that in a minute). What a fucking monumental mistake that was.

Supposed tennis expert Michael Felger was talking about yesterday's men's Wimbeldon final between Novak Djokovic and Roger Federer, in what was instantly billed as an all-time classic match. Unfortunately, I didn't watch much of that match since it interfered with my Tour de France watching, but I don't believe for a millisecond that Felger watched any of it himself. Instead of doing what you might expect of a decent and normal person and giving Djokovic credit for an epic win, Felger instead trashed Federer and said 'he choked, CHOKED it away!' 'He hit that last ball off the side of his racket and it went way into the second stands!' or some such garbage. As the ensuing 'discussion' went on, the co-host corrected Felger on a number of points about the match, leaving this cat with the unmistakable impression that the only thing Felger watched was the last five minutes of the match, and to no one's surprise, focused entirely on the losing side and that massive choke artist Roger Federer, holder of 20 Grand Slam major titles in his career, better than any other men's tennis player.

For whatever reason, Felger needs to demonstrate a pathological need to point out any and all perceived shortcomings, real or imagined, in order to diminish the loser of a game or match in order to make some emotional, overcharged and hyperbolic point. After many years of watching / listening to this asshole, it is now clear he is wholly incapable of mentioning the good / right / correct things the winner did to win the game or match. It is a compulsive need to be an asshole, or does it help 98.5 FM's ratings during afternoon drive time to be an asshole? The world may never know.

And don't get me started about another asshole - ESPN's Tom Rinaldi, perhaps the worst combination of insincerity, fake praise, phony ass-kissing and general douchebag qualities ever assembled into the most useless of sports coverage, the sideline 'reporter'. I killed the feed just before Rinaldi finished his first sentence of fake praise at Novak, and I don't believe Novak was entirely thrilled with that interview himself.

On to Massarotti - a few weeks ago, they were talking about golf and mentioned three time major winner Brooks Koepka. Being the professional asshole he is, he outright dismissed two of his U.S. Open wins for no apparent reason whatsoever. I realize that this can be considered cherrypicking, but Mazz gave me no reason to consider his blithe dismissal of those accomplishments, nor did Felger acknowledge Djokovic's win in any respect.

Besides the Felger-infused rant here, the larger point is this - Bruce Allen was completely right about six years ago. While this particular bit of fake sports outrage from Felger set me off tonight for a reason, it's because the fake outrage is not reasoned. There is no pretense of reason with someone claiming in an unconvincing fashion that a 20 time Grand Slam winner 'choked, CHOKED!' away a Wimbledon final win. Did it ever occur to Michael Felger that that last shot of Federer's he loved to trash was... simply mishit, or missed?

Unfortunately, Bruce left the counter-criticism business a few years ago, in disgust. I now feel that disgust more than ever. However, I with my co-blogger Mike will soldier on, because the unrelenting 200% negative crap from the likes of Felger, Shaughnessy, et. al. needs to be continually countered and critiqued

Shank's New Recycling Method

The Boston Globe helps out with further recycling efforts - who needs DHL Dan / Picked Up Pieces columns anymore?

From the archives | @Dan_Shaughnessy’s summary of the Home Run Derby held at Fenway Park 20 years ago tonight: “Who ever heard of a batting practice block party?” https://t.co/uPj7gMGwxu

— The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) July 13, 2019

New Bud Book Juices Shank's Loins

This is the circular reasoning of someone who knows no logic (aka, sports columnists): Ask a leading question. Get no response. Assume the lack of response means the subject has something to hide.

In financial circles, public companies are notably (sometimes for legal compliance) cautious about speaking out of turn. Given that officers can go to jail for saying the wrong thing, they tend to clam up. They are especially prudent when it comes to speculation, or even commenting on speculation. Reason: If you make a habit of disputing rumor, observers will assume true any rumor you don't comment on. So the safest approach is to decline comment on everything.

Sports commissioners often find themselves in no-win positions. They work for the owners, yet the fans and media tend to assume they work for the consumers. So they ask stupid questions and get their panties in a wad when they don't get the answers they want.

To wit: Bud Selig, former MLB commissioner, has written a book. And Shank, ever opportunistic, feels he need to share an anecdote about ... former NBA commissioner David Stern. (Block that metaphor!)

Likewise, he mentions the conspiracy that baseballs are juiced. This apparently is due to the fact that there are a lot of home runs in baseball. Has the CHB ever actually watched a major league game? Some of these guys could hit marshmallows 500 feet. There are also a lot of strikeouts in baseball. Why? Because everyone is trying to hit homeruns. Duh.

But I digress, as does The CHB. Back to Selig. Apparently Bud Man should have done more about steroids in baseball. I agree ... but keep in mind the keepers of the faith -- aka the sportswriters -- turned a blind eye to what was going on as well. And then -- worse, in my opinion -- those same sportswriters have taken to trying to establish policy by deciding who did -- and didn't -- take PEDs. So Nomar Garciaparra must have cheated. Same with Mike Piazza. And Jeff Bagwell. And so on and so on.

To lay that all at Bud Selig's feet is a bit much, especially when writers like Shank continue to rewrite the same columns ad nauseam.

Then there's the "bag job" -- the story about the sale of the Red Sox to John Henry. Selig allows that Henry was the preferred acquirer. But clearly former trustee John Harrington didn't want to sell to the other bidders. Moreover, Henry, as a minority owner of the Yankees and then owner of the Marlins, had already been vetted. Let's go back to the top: The commissioner works for the owners. The Red Sox were and are a private entity, not a public trust. Why was Shank so PO'd about Henry buying the team? It remains a mystery. Perhaps he was taking graft from one of the bidders to push their candidacy.

Perhaps someday The CHB will write a book, at which time we can remind of of this paraphrased quote: "Refreshing. A man who is no longer a sportswriter is liberated."

DHL Dan LXXXV - Shank Wants A Closer

Nothing says lazy like a second Picked Up Pieces column in three weeks:

■ Crushing Dave Dombrowski for the Red Sox bullpen failure is not a second-guess by anybody around here. Like everybody else, I challenged Dombro on the state of the Sox bullpen in spring training, and on March 17 he told me, “I think we’ll be ready . . . I understand there’s no proven closer and until somebody gets out there and does that, there’s always an uncertainty, but we think we have enough ability there to get the job done . . . We’ll be fine out there, I believe. Give guys a chance and we’ll see what takes place.’’ As we all know, this philosophy was built on “hope’’ rather than established talent. Bad bullpen-building cost Dombrowski a World Series when he had a Tiger wagon in 2013, and it may keep his team out of the playoffs this year. What a waste. The Sox are built to win now and have the top payroll in baseball. But Dombrowski put cheap gas in a Rolls-Royce and paid the price. The announcement that Nathan Eovaldi will take over as closer was equally weird. Dombrowski refused to say it was “desperation,’’ insisting it was a move of “urgency.’’ No, thanks. It’s risky to hand the job to a guy who’s had two Tommy John surgeries. Plus, Eovaldi doesn’t want to close and is still at least a week away. Meanwhile, the Sox went into the weekend with an American League-leading 18 blown saves. It’s time to trade for a closer. Who do they think they are kidding?

Here's another question - does Shank want to keep his job at the Boston Globe?

■ Regarding bringing on more payroll, John Henry last weekend told WEEI’s Rob Bradford, “It’s not a luxury-tax issue, it’s a question of how much money do we want to lose. We’re already over budget and we were substantially over our budget last year and this year. We’re not going to be looking to add a lot of payroll.’’ Stunned that the world champion Boston Red Sox might be losing money, I e-mailed the owner to ask if I was reading this correctly and if NESN revenues are counted when calculating losses. Henry, who also owns the Globe, did not respond.

He'll respond to Shank the next time the Globe announces their next 'restructuring'.

Okay - this one's pretty funny:

■ If Mayor Pete Buttigieg gets sick and can’t make it to the next debate, he can send Brad Stevens in his place and no one will know the difference.

■ Mookie Betts’s odd decline actually started last year in the playoffs. After his over-the-top MVP season (.346, 32 homers), Betts batted .210 in three postseason series with one homer and 12 strikeouts over 14 games. Betts went into Saturday bstting .268, down 78 points from 2018. Meanwhile, exactly what is going on with Andrew Benintendi?

So maybe it's not just the closer that's the problem this year, Shank?

We don't have to wait another month for Shank to rag on the Patriots:

■ Patriots fans go wild with excitement any time there’s any cherry-picked stat to indicate that the AFC East is not a joke. Meanwhile, New England will go into this season with a quarterback who has 237 career wins (including postseason). The other three projected starting quarterbacks (Sam Darnold, Josh Rosen, Josh Allen) in the Warhol Division have fewer combined wins than Brady did during the 2007 regular season.

Whenever Shank is confronted by a single statistic (total wins by division) that should forevermore render this argument moot, he calls us 'cherry pickers'. The burden's on him to explain why this stat should be considered just that.

What Do You Mean 'We', Kemosabe?

There's that, and then there's the false notion that Shank's been in the Red Sox's corner the whole season:

A couple of hours ago, when the Red Sox scored 6 in the bottom of the first to tie the game, John Smoltz got sucked in and did what we've all done this year: He said "this could be the moment that turns their season around''

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) June 29, 2019

Slowly Aged, Like A Fine Whine

It took Shank nearly two months to lay into (soon to be former) Celtic Kyrie Irving?

Back in April, Boston.com conducted a poll to determine the greatest sports villain in our town. Sixty-four nominees were offered in NCAA Tournament bracket fashion. More than 130,000 votes were cast and the winner/loser was NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. The Ginger Hammer won by more than 1,000 votes in each of six rounds, easily beating Alex Rodriguez in the final.

I demand a new vote.

I believe that at this hour, Kyrie Irving would be a runaway winner, defeating even the man who was so mean to those cheatin’ Patriots.

This is rich, coming from the most hated man in Boston sports media, isn't it?

The Long (And Whining) Road

"Good thing there is always a losing team. If there wasn't, Dan would have nothing to write about."

No truer statement has ever been written about the Boston Globe's longest serving columnist:

After a tough loss, Red Sox have a long road ahead

The phony “surging” Red Sox blew another save Wednesday and lost to the White Sox, 8-7, despite Chicago making every effort to give the game to Boston.

The indomitable Chris Sale (10 more strikeouts — whee!) gave up five earned runs and has now won three of his last 21 starts, but probably will be featured as the red-hot guy in the NESN “Hot Zone” when he returns to Fenway Park in a couple of weeks, trying to win his first game at home in more than a year.

'Whee!'? Seriously?

The Sox trail the Yankees by nine games in the American League East and reigning MVP Mookie Betts, who evidently has no interest in staying in Boston, is on a pace to finish the season hitting .265 with 26 homers and 72 RBIs.

But enough of this reality. The star-powered Sox are an unparalleled commercial entity and are set to take their show on the road to London for a couple of days. They are off to Great Britain, where they will play two games against the Yankees in a land where no one knows anything about baseball.

Shank Sees The Dark Cloud With The Silver Lining

After a 6-3 win over the Chicago White Sox last night at Fenway Park, Shank 'helpfully' points a few things out:

NESN really thinks you are stupid. Now using JBJ was the "hot" hitter in the Heat Zone -- while mocking some struggling everyman on the White Sox. Fact is, JBJ could have been the "cold" guy in every MLB market for the last three months while he was hitting .150. #bebetter

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) June 25, 2019

White Sox. Two balls in play. Two mistakes. This helps “surging” Red Sox

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) June 25, 2019

Xander Bogaerts should demand to be charged with an error on that ball.
Seriously. What does it take to get charged with an error in 2019? Everything is a hit.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) June 26, 2019

DHL Dan LXXXIV - The Nonbeliever

In his first Picked-Up Pieces column in over six weeks, Shank (and everyone else in the greater Boston area) isn't buying what the authorities in the Dominican Republic are selling:

Picked-up pieces while hearing the sounds of lie detectors exploding from Santo Domingo to Boston . . .

■ While we continue to wish David Ortiz the best as he recovers from being shot almost two weeks ago, the explanation we were given by authorities in the Dominican Republic Wednesday is simply not believable. Seriously.

Mistaken identity? Do the Dominican authorities think we are all stupid? Would Elvis Presley have been mistaken for anyone else if he sat at a cafe in Memphis in the 1960s? Tom Brady on Newbury Street in Boston in 2019?

Many had much to lose if uncomfortable truths were unearthed in this case. So 10 days after the crime, we got this whopper of whoppers. The authorities cracked the case. Wrong guy.

He goes on from there to bitch and moan about the Celtics, NESN, the Bruins and we hear about a few bands from the 1960's. In other words, it's your typical and predictable Shank column.

Oh - and there's this:

■ Wonder if I can be like Brady and patent “Curly-Haired Boyfriend” and “Shank” so that no one else gets it first.

You get right on it, Shank!

Shank The Scold

A full four days after a number of folks got their panties in a bunch over the US Women's National (Soccer) Team (USWNT) 13-0 drubbing of Thailand, Shank mounts his high horse Shetland pony and weighs in:

US women’s soccer team running up the score on Thailand was a bad look

My fellow Americans will take to the pitch again Sunday in France, resuming their quest to advance in the Women’s World Cup with a match against woeful Chile.

I have no doubt that victory will be ours. I’m just hoping to see a better demonstration of fair play and sportsmanship.

In case you missed it, on Tuesday the Americans beat Thailand, 13-0, in their opening Cup match. Our players never let up and celebrated every goal with exuberance you’d expect to see if somebody hit a walkoff grand slam in the seventh game of the World Series.

In the aftermath of our World Cup slaughter and the odious, self-congratulations that accompanied each goal (even the ones after we reached double figures), some criticism was aimed at the American squad. This triggered the standard angry defenses from the Colosseum crowd.

I watched the entire match. I do not share that opinion, because nearly all of the goal celebrations went like this - one of the USWNT scored a goal, there was some jumping around, followed by a group hug, then they went back to the center circle. Their objection seems to be that it was done thirteen times.

It goes on from there, but let me state this - Thailand was badly outclassed in every metric - height, size, speed and skill. My prediction before the game was 7-0 but once the 2nd half began the level of physical conditioning between the two teams became eyepopping as well, so the ass kicking wasn't a surprise at all. Furthermore, this is probably the best USWNT side to ever take the pitch, so again, this result isn't surprising, at least to someone who actually watched the whole match.

Conveniently omitted from all this, of course, was this touch of class by USWNT striker Carli Lloyd, but that doesn't fit Shank's agenda, does it?

And all of this, from a columnist who also complains when Tom Brady is still in the game when the Patriots are 'running up the score'. Jagoff.

Shank's Stanley Cup Wrapup

It's pretty much what you'd expect:

Feels like a lost opportunity as Bruins fall in Game 7

No one around here was ready for this.

A Boston team losing a championship game? Impossible.

But it happened. The Bruins were spanked, 4-1, on Garden ice in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final Wednesday. The St. Louis Blues won the first championship in their 52-year history. A Boston hockey season that started in September in Beijing ended in abject disappointment nine days before the start of summer. It was a stunning defeat in an era when we have become accustomed to only good things happening to Boston teams. And it feels like a lost opportunity.

Rehash Radio Ad Infinitum

Just confirming the obvious:

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. Game 7, Game 7, Game 7. Plenty of Big Papi talk. Dan's Dates at 12:50.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) June 11, 2019

Remember this column from Monday? That's what you and I heard during the first segment of Shank's appearance this morning. And if you didn't hear it, you're better off for it.

Back On The Bruins Bandwagon

The Bruins won Game 6 of the 2019 Stanley Cup finals, 5-1 over the St. Louis Blues. Here's an outline of the Bruins discussion Shank will regurgitate on the radio tomorrow morning:

ST. LOUIS — Folks here were ready to knock down the Gateway Arch and party like it was 1999 — back in the days when they had a team that went on to win the town’s only Super Bowl.

The city that gave the world Stanley Musial was going to win its first Stanley Cup, and as many as 40,000 ticketless fans gathered outside the arena in anticipation of victory. The Cup was in the house, and the Blues were ready to claim it for the first time in their 52-year history.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch didn’t even bother to wait. Sunday’s e-edition of the local journal delivered several messages of congratulations many hours before the start of Game 6. The premature puck elation included a letter from Blues chairman Tom Stillman, thanking fans for a “dream come true” and referencing how excited he was about the upcoming parade on Market Street.

You know the drill by now - standard (if brief) game recap, historical Game 7 numbers, etc.

Bruins Loss = Shank Hockey Column

Like the sun rising and setting...

The script was perfect. Local star leader plays with injury, endures unspeakable pain, yet paces his team to victory.

There was that night in the Bronx when Curt Schilling bled into his sock because of a surgically repaired tendon and beat the Yankees in the American League Championship Series. And then there was that time Larry Bird slammed his head on the parquet floor of the Old Garden, went to the locker room, and returned to torch the Indiana Pacers in a playoff game. Oh, and let’s not forget Patriots quarterback Drew Bledsoe beating the Dolphins despite playing with a metal pin sticking out of the index finger of his throwing hand.

Not Thursday night in the Stanley Cup Final. With 42-year-old captain Zdeno Chara playing with what might be a broken jaw, the Bruins lost the crucial fifth game, 2-1, at the heavy hands of the St. Louis Blues. Boston trails in the series, 3-2, and plays Game 6 Sunday night in St. Louis.

Stanley Cup - Game 4 Recap

After the St. Louis Blues won Game 4 last night, 4-2, Shank writes a cliché-ridden, paint-by-numbers recap thereof:

ST. LOUIS — It felt a little too easy over the weekend. After the Bruins skunked the St. Louis Blues, 7-2, Saturday, some folks back in Boston started making parade plans. With another win in Game 4, the Bruins would have a chance to win the Stanley Cup on Garden ice Thursday night.

Not anymore.

The Obligatory Harry Sinden Column

Using a lesser employed column template, Shank goes back a few years and lets us know the old Boston Bruins hand is still around.

ST. LOUIS — He is the Bear in Winter. Still watching. Still working. Still bleeding Black and Gold.

Harry Sinden will be 87 in a few months and still reports to the Garden regularly, bouncing thoughts and ideas off Bruins president Cam Neely and general manager Don Sweeney.

“My official title is ‘Senior Adviser to the Owner,’ ’’ says Sinden when reached by phone. “But actually the only word that really applies in that title is the first one.

When you don't know jack shit about the series or even care about it, this is the result. This is not a knock on Harry Sinden, who was influential and successful, but it's such an obviously lazy and borrowed theme from Shank, and the column's saving grace is letting Sinden do all the talking.

Shocked

Wow - Shank bangs out his second column in a day and does a column after a Bruins win? What's this world coming to?

ST. LOUIS — The locals waited 49 years for this? Almost 18,000 days? That’s a lot of Mississippi River icewater under the Eads Bridge.

Your Bruins skated into Enterprise Center Saturday night and cut the hearts out of the St. Louis Blues and their fans. Wobbling after a 3-2 loss at home, playing without Charlestown’s Matt Grzelcyk, who was concussed by a dirty hit in Game 2, the Bruins punched back with a dominating, 7-2 win in Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final.

Speed and skill beats size and stupidity every time and the Bruins took it to the Blues in every way.

What's not shocking - his frontrunning / hijacking of the local bandwagon yet again.

A History Lesson

Longtime readers of Shank should be familiar with this type of column template by now.

Boston and St. Louis have a long sports history
...
The Boston-St. Louis pro sports rivalry started in 1946 when the Cardinals beat the Red Sox at Sportsman’s Park in Game 7 of the World Series. That was the game in which Johnny Pesky allegedly held the ball too long on a relay from the outfield as Enos Slaughter rounded third base and scored the winning run. Ted Williams, who batted only .200 in the Series, cried on the 24-hour train ride home to the Hub. Legend holds that Teddy Ballgame was out of sorts because he hurt his elbow when he was hit by a pitch in a meaningless exhibition staged to keep the Sox sharp before the start of the Series (sound familiar, Brad Marchand fans?)

The Cardinals beat the Red Sox in a World Series Game 7 at Fenway in 1967, but Boston got its baseball revenge in 2004 and again in 2013.

Columns largely built on a recital of sports events between two cities has long been a staple of Shank's, as it requires little heavy lifting.

The Chris Sale Conundrum

What would life be like without Shank shitting on one of the Red Sox pitchers?

Chris sale with THREE MORE STRIKEOUTS in the third. Oh, and he also gave up four hits, three runs and the lead.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) June 1, 2019

Update: this is now one win in 16 starts. https://t.co/i6vnTbMBkk

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) June 1, 2019

Thanks for the update, Shank!

The Predictable Shaughnessy

If it's a loss by the Bruins, you can count on a column by Shank.

The national narrative of this 2019 Stanley Cup Final is the easy-to-believe notion that nobody in America outside of New England wants the Bruins to beat the St. Louis Blues. Folks who don’t live in our six-state region have had just about enough of the duck boats, thank you very much.

The Washington Post and New York Post in recent days featured columns pushing this theme.

“We are rooting against Boston,’’ wrote Mike Vaccaro of the New York Post. “We are tired of Boston.’’

The Washington Post held that the duck boats are “joyous for New Englanders and sickening for the other 44 states.’’

I'm surprised the Washington Post didn't work in a gratuitous cheap shot at Trump somehow. What I'm not surprised about is Shank's cheap shot at New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick:

In the Patriot spirit of “they hate us cuz they ain’t us,’’ evil genius Bill Belichick served as a banner captain for Game 2. Coach Bill left the Hoodie at home and carried out his duties in a black parka. Belichick knows a thing or two about championships and also about beating teams from St. Louis. It was Belichick’s Patriots who gave birth to New England’s Sports High Renaissance when they stunned the St. Louis Rams in the Super Bowl in New Orleans in February 2002. That was the first of 12 duck boat parades in this century, and the Bruins are trying to make it a lucky 13 next month.

Is calling Belichick 'evil' really necessary? Shank has no class whatsoever.

Also obligatory - cheap shots at Patriots owner Robert Kraft:

The Patriots have been everywhere in this series. Freedom fighter Bob Kraft was again seen on the videoboard waving his rally towel, and the recently embarrassed Patriots owner was cheered as a conquering hero. Amazing: Kraft + towel + video = ovation. Only in Boston.

You know the rest from here - retelling St. Louis sports history, the standard game recap, etc. - read on if you're into it.

And Now For More Boston Globe Employee Bashing - VI

(Another in the occasional departure from covering His Shankness)

They don't call him Trollin' Volin for nothing:

Why can’t Tom Brady simply attend voluntary Patriots practices?

Um - because they're voluntary? Just a wild guess here...

Tom Brady posted a few photos to Instagram Saturday showing him throwing in private with Julian Edelman and N’Keal Harry.

The photos elicited two immediate reactions.

One, shared by most Patriots fans: Good job by Brady to get in some extra work with Harry, the team’s first-round pick. The Patriots are counting on Harry to be an immediate contributor, and hope he can one day be a star. The more work Brady can get with Harry, the better.

Two, apparently not shared by many Patriots fans: Can’t Brady just get in this work at the Patriots’ offseason practices in Foxborough?

Care to guess which one of those two reactions Ben's going to side with?

For the second straight offseason, Brady is staying away from the voluntary practices. That in and of itself isn’t big news. It’s rare for a starting quarterback to not attend these voluntary practices, but everyone understands that Brady wants more of a work/life balance in the offseason. He feels he can do a better job of training himself on his own, and that’s fine. Everyone knows he’ll be in tip-top shape once camp begins in late July.

'Everyone understands' - except for Ben Volin. And now for the second problem with this column, which I believe is deliberate:

But Brady isn’t just skipping voluntary workouts. He seems to be going out of his way to not practice with his team.

It would be one thing if Brady were traveling the world with his family and tending to business matters. He appears to be away this week; on Tuesday, he posted photos of himself working out in helmet and shoulder pads on a beach somewhere. So don’t expect him at this week’s round of Patriots OTAs.

So the whole 'work / life' balance thingy would be okay if he was 'traveling the world with his family and tending to business matters'? Do you get the impression that Volin would complain about this regardless of the manner in which Tom spent the 'life' part of the 'work / life balance' thing? I sure do.

Since the Bruins are on in a few minutes, I'm invoking cricket rules - two strikes and you're out. Feel free to read the rest of the bullshit Volin invokes to criticize Brady, where the commenters rip Volin for being a huge jagoff.

'Word For Word', You Say?

My co-blogger Mike ably pointed out the massive hypocrisy of his Bill Buckner eulogy column, saying it is 'unfair' to define him by one play but having said the exact opposite over numerous columns and platforms since 1986. It has practically been a mini-cottage industry of his, a poor man's 'Curse of the Bambino' without the matching book sales.

Mike spotted the Bob Ley interview where he repeated a fair amount of this column (i.e, 'word for word') in that interview. So imagine my 'surprise' when I tuned into 98.5 The Sports Hub this morning:

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. Bruins wall-to-wall. Bill Buckner, of course. Dan's Dates at 12:50.
PS: The St Louis Blues are 0-13 lifetime in Stanley Cup Final games.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 28, 2019

My trip to the grocery store this morning was marred by the exposure to the following segment - between 11:45 and 11:50 it was largely a regurgitation of the Bill Buckner column, and we at Dan Shaughnessy Watch have documented this hackery on numerous occasions.

Disingenuous, hypocritical and lazy - what a combination!

The CHB's Buckner Eulogy Just Another Botched Play

Revisionist history abounds today in the wake of the news of Bill Buckner’s passing.

Exhibit A: Shank himself. Eulogizing the former Red Sox star, he writes: “But for the final 33 years of his life, Buckner was best known as the guy who missed the ground ball. For many fans and media members, it defined him. And it was unfair.”

It was unfair alright, but there's a shell game going on and The CHB is behind the table. Let's start with the fake plaudits: “Bill Buckner had more big league hits than either Joe DiMaggio or Ted Williams. He was an All-Star and won a batting title. Playing on ankles that had to be iced almost round the clock, he knocked in 102 runs for the pennant-winning Red Sox in 1986.”

Now it’s true The CHB has said this before. Indeed, it’s almost a word for word repeat of his ESPN interview with Bob Ley in 2016, when the Cubs and Indians were battling for their first respective World Series championship in decades. (Note that he credits Buckner with 103 RBI in the clip.)

But a trip through the Globe archives shows that, much like Shaughnessy’s soul, the actual record is much darker. It ranges from the trite (after the Sox won the 2004 World Series, their first in 86 years) … “The suffering souls of Bill Buckner, Grady Little, Mike Torrez, Johnny Pesky, and Denny Galehouse are released from Boston Baseball's Hall of Pain.” 

… to the random (at the Hall of Fame ceremonies last summer): “Hall of Famer Wade Boggs is here. He can talk about 1986 when the Sox took over first place in May, never looked back, pulled off one of the great comebacks in playoff history against the Angels, then broke New England’s heart in the Bill Buckner World Series against the Mets.”

The CHB coverup continues The flashbacks were in full force each time the Sox made it to October: 

• “But if they somehow lose the 2018 World Series, Game 3 will stand forever as Boston’s baseball’s Buckner moment of the 21st century…”
• “The Cardinals had won 13 of their last 14 postseason homegames, and Saturday's stunner was the first Series game to end on an errorsince Mookie Wilson's grounder went through Bill Buckner's legs in 1986.”

Indeed, almost any time he wrote about the Red Sox and the World Series in the same column, Buckner’s error was cited. “Game 6 also gave us a little dribbler by Mookie Wilson, Vin Scully exclaiming, ‘Behind the bag . . . !’’ and Bill Buckner riding a Train They Call Infamy all the way to a featured role in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.’’ “

He even found ways to insert gratuitous references into writeups that had nothing to do with the Red Sox or Buckner, like this from the Royals-Mets World Series in 2015: “It featured the first series late-inning go-ahead run due to a first baseman's error (Eric Hosmer) since Bill Buckner's gaffe-for-the-ages in 1986.”

Shanughnessy himself spent column after column writing about it. (Not to mention using the episode to frame an entire book.)

He even took shots on his Twitter account.

Hang on! Here’s one, from 2012, where he plays it straight (mostly). “[Tom House] caught Hank Aaron’s 715th homer in 1974 (only because Dodgers left fielder Bill Buckner couldn’t scale the fence — thank goodness Doug Mientkiewicz wasn’t there).”  Surprised he didn’t sneak in a bit about the Hammer’s record-breaking blast being too high to go through Buckner’s legs? Me too.

On the bright side, it kept The CHB away from the Garden and the Stanley Cup finals, where the Bruins were thumping the Blues. 

Billy Buck, Bruins Nation thanks you for your service.

Swing And A Miss

Just found this column from Saturday afternoon - Shank didn't bother to tweet it out and I found it after checking the Globe's website, which I take great pains to avoid. For those keeping score at home, it's Shank's sixth Bruins column on the season.

Bobby Orr does not appreciate sports talk radio jockeys and fans who characterize 42-year-old Zdeno Chara as a defensive liability for the Bruins.

“I’ve heard a lot of crap recently about Chara, about Z,’’ Orr said during a lengthy interview with the Globe Friday. “Are you kidding me?

“I think if you were to ask these critics what they thought of the Bruins coaches, everyone would say they’ve been outstanding. Well, Z is the top ice guy, one or two. He kills all the penalties. When he’s on the ice, there’s just something different.

It's all Bobby Orr quotes, so of course it's worth checking out.

Always Looking At The Bright Side

Ah - who am I kidding?

The Red Sox are closer to fourth place Jays than they are to first place Yankees

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 26, 2019

Negative Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Shank helpfully points out Chris Sale's recent won / loss record:

Chris Sale has been credited with one win in 15 starts since August 12, 2018.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 25, 2019

Just another case of selective statistics to make his 'case', whatever that's supposed to be.

The John Havlicek Tribute

Our Man Shank was there and writes an excellent column about it:

Bill Russell was there. Red Auerbach’s daughter was there, seated side by side with 90-year-old Bob Cousy, Tommy Heinsohn, Satch Sanders, Dave Cowens, and other gods of Boston Celtics lore.

Four weeks after Celtics legend John Havlicek died in Jupiter, Fla., the vast and vaunted Celtic family gathered Thursday afternoon at Trinity Church in Copley Square for a 90-minute tribute to the man who scored more points than any other player in franchise history.

Less than 2 miles from the sacred Causeway Street space where he played 16 seasons and won eight NBA championships, Havlicek was honored in a celebration of life.

A Helpful Reminder From Bruce Allen

For those of you who don't know him, Bruce Allen used to blog on Boston Sports Media Watch, but has cut way back on the blogging part about a year ago. He's still active on Twitter and I need to read his Twitter feed more regularly, because of missed gems like this one:

September:

The Patriots are back, and for many of us, that means life is worse.

(Via @Dan_Shaughnessy) https://t.co/0GXHrafuiS

— Bruce Allen (@bruceallen) March 28, 2019

Bruce knows how Shank plays the game.

Happy Anniversary!

(An occasional departure from covering His Shankness)

I stumbled across this tweet (and excellent YouTube video in the ensuing thread) from a Twitter feed called Freezing Cold Takes, and this one's a doozy that will bring back many painful memories. On May 6, 1997, the Boston Celtics made perhaps the worst hire in professional basketball history when they hired this fucking guy:

Thanks to @OldTakesExposed, we were reminded of a brutal date in #Celtics historyhttps://t.co/kxCKgAQMzz pic.twitter.com/SJKXqHB5hZ

— NBC Sports Boston (@NBCSBoston) May 19, 2019

Rick Pitino set this team back nearly a decade and it was just plain ugly. My primary memory of the burning dumpster fire that was the Rick Pitino Celtics was actually going to one of the games and, as the YouTube video points out a few times, the only thing I noticed was Pitino yelling and screaming at Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce on nearly every play. I'm sitting about ten rows back behind one of the backboards and I told the buddy I was with - 'if for some reason the ball bounces out and lands in my hands, I'm throwing it right at him and I don't care if I get arrested and thrown out of here for life.' I am beyond certain I'm not the only one who felt that way about Pitino by this time; he was shitcanned about a month afterwards. Him getting caught banging a waitress some time later and all the other shit that happened to him at Louisville only adds to my feeling of schadenfreude, and probably yours as well.

The Obligatory Michael Chavis Column

Shank finally takes note of the hot rookie:

It is as if Michael Chavis has been delivered from Central Casting.

Born and bred in Georgia, armed with a golly-gee politeness and 450-foot power, Chavis has helped saved the Red Sox season.

Sunday against the Astros, batting leadoff, of all places, Chavis swung at everything he saw (six pitches, four balls in play), cracked a 420-foot homer and a seventh-inning single which represented the winning run in Boston’s 4-3 victory over the best team in baseball. The comeback victory averted a rare Fenway sweep of the Sox and fortified the growing Legend of Michael Chavis.

Bandwagon Dan, A Continuing Story

The fifth time's a charm:

RALEIGH, N.C. — Thursday marked 100 days since Boston’s last championship parade.

Time to fire up the duck boats. It has been too long.

Say goodbye to the Jerks, the Goobers, Hamilton the Pig, inflated arena noise, and the Sons of the Hartford Whalers. The Bruins won the Prince of Wales Trophy on Thursday night, beating the Carolina Hurricanes, 4-0, to advance to the Stanley Cup Final for the 20th time in franchise history. Boston will face the San Jose Sharks or St. Louis Blues (Sharks lead, 2-1) starting sometime within the next 10 days (yes, we might have to wait a while) on Causeway Street.

You and I could throw paint, soy sauce and mustard against a wall and come up with something better than what ensues - read on, at your own risk.

And there's this:

Part of Carolina’s Game 4 pregame entertainment featured a live interview on the big board in which a couple of local TV personalities talked about Rask and the Bruins “blowing it” against the Flyers in 2010. Comebacks from 3-0 deficits are rare, but there have been four in hockey, and one was the Bruins losing a 3-0 lead against the Flyers in 2010.

We all remember who was telling us about that series loss, don't we?

How The Game Is Played

I'm not talking about hockey, but rather Shank's sporadic coverage of it. Ninety-plus games in, behold, his fourth Boston Bruins column this hockey season:

RALEIGH, N.C. — The Bruins are running downhill on the way to the Stanley Cup Final. Each series has been easier than the one before.

These Cup playoffs for the Spoked-B’s have been like a NASA countdown.

Seven games . . . then six . . . now perhaps four?

Liftoff.

Bring on the San Jose Sharks or the St. Louis Blues.

It’s strange. Has there ever been a championship run in which each round got easier? Certainly the 2004 and 2007 Red Sox were more tested in the ALCS than in the World Series, but they did not experience anything like what we are seeing in this magical — dare we say easy? — run to the Final. Those Sox faced much tougher competition in the second round than they did in the first. Only the World Series (both sweeps) was easy.

It’s never easy, of course — unless it’s the Patriots in the AFC East or the 2018-19 Red Sox against the AL bum-of-the-week clubs. Winning at the playoff level is always rugged and hard.

Do any of you think Shank watched any of last night's game? That Bruins win was not easy.

Let's set aside the obvious bullshit praising the Red Sox; he's been taking dumps on them nearly every day from Spring training until they got hot two weeks ago and now pretends to be on their side.

I've helpfully pointed out the theme that Shank is using in his not so genuine praise of the Bruins, and longtime readers will recognize it right away when compared to many of his Patriots columns. By claiming the Bruins' playoff run is easy (and in the next breath saying it's not easy), Shank nonetheless creates the impression, however false, that a Stanley Cup for the Bruins will be easy. If they do not, Shank will then take the mother of all shits on the Bruins for not winning the Stanley Cup because it was supposed to be easy.

And that's how the game is played.

Even His Jokes Are Old

...as well as lame:

Even Grady Little would have pulled this guy by now

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 12, 2019

It's Worth It

It seems like it was mere weeks ago that Shank was shitting on the team, wasn't it? Now that the Boston Red Sox are back to their winning ways, so is his faux support for them.

The Red Sox are worth watching again

The storm has been weathered. The awkward White House trip has come and gone. Chris Sale doesn’t stink anymore. Boy wonder Michael Chavis saved the season when all seemed lost. April showers have given way to May sunshine. The Red Sox are a wagon again. They beat the Mariners, 9-5, on Saturday and even got a two-run single from the offensively catatonic Jackie Bradley Jr.

After everything that happened in the Sox’ hideously bad first month of a title defense, they will wake up Sunday four games out of first place. After playing as bad as they could possibly play, the Sox are right where they need to be to get where they want to go. They still have not even played a quarter of the season and everything is ahead of them. It turns out that the hole they dug was not too deep.

Despite Shank telling you otherwise during that 'hideously bad first month'. Funny how that works.

Punted

It looks like we're not getting the predicted Celtics bashing; instead we get some Red Sox bashing:

White House ceremony honoring Red Sox awkward from the start

The White House Thursday morning sent out a scheduled post on its website stating, “President Trump Welcomes the 2018 World Series Champions The Boston Red Socks to the White House.’’

I am not making this up.

Red Socks.

In a time-honored and now-controversial tradition, a portion of the Sox gathered at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Thursday and heard laudatory remarks delivered by President Donald Trump. The president spoke for nine minutes (my favorite moment came when he asked Steve Pearce how his season was going), called upon Chris Sale, J.D. Martinez, and Sox owner John Henry to make remarks, then thanked everybody and gave the Socks entourage a tour of the Lincoln bedroom.

More awkwardness at the link.

UPDATE AT 3:50 PM - A commenter points out the obvious, and that is this: the Boston Globe / Dan Shaughnessy coverage of Boston sports teams at the White House is a function of the occupant of the Oval Office. If it's a Democrat, the primary focus is on the player(s) who do not attend and what bad people they are. If it's a Republican, the focus is on the President and what a 'thorny issue' this is and how the players involved should 'start distancing themselves from some of his polarizing policies'. Good to know Obama never had any polarizing policies!

Holding Out No Longer

The Boston Celtics lost last night, 116-91 in rather ugly fashion, with Kyrie Irving going 6 for 21 from the floor and the other players not doing too much better. I just finished listening to Felger & Mazzarotti (and Big Jim Murray was on it as well) absolutely savaging the Celtics, with Kyrie bearinge the overwhelming brunt of the blast for the first two hours. It's one of the times that a) I knew that Michael Felger would be in rare form and b) I fully agreed with nearly every word of it. It's one of the few times you actually look forward to that trademark Boston sports media negativity.

A curious natural omission, of course - the Dan Shaugnessy column eviscerating and Celtics. It's in his blood, perhaps more natural than breathing to him, and I was fully expecting to wake up this morning and see him in nuclear meltdown mode. There was nothing. until now:

Never saw poultry or brew in the lockerroom, but I will always think of these guys as the Chicken-And-Beer Celtics of 2018-2019.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 9, 2019

Reader poll - do we still get a stemwinder from Shank or did Felger already use up all the oxygen in the room on this one?

Hijacking The Bandwagon Yet Again

Keep the dream alive!

Sunday was a day of rest for the Grand Slam of Bling.

But it is still alive.

It’s been a remote possibility since the Patriots won the Super Bowl just three months after the 2018 Red Sox won the World Series.

No city has ever been home to the reigning kings of all four sports simultaneously, but until the Celtics or Bruins are eliminated, Boston remains alive for this glut of championship gold.

At which point he'll rip either / both teams as 'simply not good enough'.

...
This will be the fifth time the Bruins and Celtics played postseason games on the same date this spring.

And should one of those two teams lose, it's a certainty he'll write a column about the loss.

DHL Dan LXXXIII - The Hondo Column

Shank's latest Picked Up Pieces column contains a lot of mini-stories about recently deceased Celtics legend John Havlicek. Naturally, this doesn't stop him from delivering another cheap shot at you-know-who:

Picked-up pieces while wondering whether freedom fighter Bob Kraft will make another triumphant, crowd-rousing appearance at a Garden playoff game any time soon . . .

Makes you want to stop reading right then and there, doesn't it?

■ The death of John Havlicek inspired some amazing commentary on Twitter.

“It is getting difficult each time I hear about another contemporary that passes,’’ Bill Russell wrote. “He was not just a teammate & a great guy, but he was family.’’

From Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: “I met John Havlicek at the same time & place that I met Red Auerbach and Bill Russell @ my high school gym in Autumn of 1961 — my freshman year. He was still playing when I entered the league and our friendship grew.”

From Jack Nicklaus, who crossed paths with Havlicek at Ohio State from 1959-61, on Facebook: “John loved the outdoors, loved to fish, and frequently when he played golf at Bear Lakes Country Club in West Palm Beach, he carried a fishing pole in his bag. But if there is one thing we should all remember about John Havlicek, it is his heart. John always made himself available to help others. Every time there was a charity event, or any time someone could make a difference in someone else’s life, John Havlicek was there.”

Read on for more Kraft cheap shots, a cameo appearance of 'Theo and his minions' and other assorted trivia. No gratuitous Larry Bird mention, though. Maybe next time...

A Question Nobody's Asking

Shank does a column on the Celtics loss last night to the Milwaukee Bucks:

Who really thought the Celtics were going to have it easy?

MILWAUKEE — Admit it, Celtic fans, you were getting a little cocky about this.

The playoff narrative was that the Celtics had fixed everything after their disappointing regular season. They swept the Indiana Pacers in Round 1, then spanked the top-seeded Milwaukee Bucks by 22 points in the first game of the Eastern Conference semifinal. Hot-take artist Paul Pierce announced that the series was officially over and some of us spent 48 hours pondering whether it would be better for the Celts to face the Sixers or the Raptors in the conference final.

You'd Have Thought They Lost The Game

The fact that the Red Sox won last night didn't stop Shank from piling on somewhere:

Unprofessional outing by Rodriguez. 52 p through 2. Sox trail 4-0. ESPN. Showing America the slop we’ve seen all year. Sox lucky B’s and C’s in playoffs https://t.co/fNYatqmC6M

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) April 29, 2019

A poor performance, yes; I think the word 'unprofessional' isn't quite the right one here.

A Tale Of Two Columns

Shank, yesterday:

Before we go any further, here’s a little tip for you Celtics fans: Resign yourself to the fact that you’re going to be seeing a lot of Giannis Antetokounmpo at the free throw line. This is not because the refs have it in for the Celtics. Do not listen to the words of Tommy Heinsohn, or any latter-day Johnny Mosts. There’s no need to call sports talk radio and cry about Giannis getting favorable treatment. No. The Greek Freak is going to be at the line all day because the Celtics have no one that can stop him legally in the paint. He is an NBA freight train and if he gets the ball going downhill it’s either 2 points or two free throws. Brad Stevens will throw Aron Baynes, Al Horford, and Semi Ojeleye at Giannis (too bad Marcus Smart, Jim Loscutoff, and Bob Brannum are not available). It will not be enough. Antetokounmpo is going to be the MVP of the NBA this year. He is the reason this series could be the end of the road for the frustrating, maddening 2018-19 Celtics.

Shank, this afternoon:

MILWAUKEE — The Celtics flipped the switch, just like they said they would. They pantsed the best player in the world and delivered a message that they are a force to be reckoned with in this NBA tournament.

The Celtics humbled the NBA’s top seed Sunday, smothering Giannis Antetokounmpo and racing to a 112-90 win over the Bucks in the first game of their Eastern Conference semifinal series.

The Greek Freak finished with 22 points, but anybody who watched knows the he was humbled. He made only seven of 21 shots. Three of his baskets were 3-pointers. He had 1 point in the first quarter and made only two of seven shots in the first half when the Bucks fell behind by 15. The Freak’s shot was blocked three times in the restricted area. These things just do not happen.

But they did. What a difference a day makes.

The Waiting Game

Shank lightly complains about the long wait between Celtics' playoff series:

MILWAUKEE — Celtics-Bucks.

This is the series you’ve been waiting for.

And I do mean waiting.

When the Celtics finally take the Fiserv Forum floor Sunday afternoon to play the top-seeded Bucks, it will have been a week since the Green Team actually played a basketball game. The Bruins will have finished FOUR playoff games since the Celtics erased the Pacers last Sunday in Indianapolis. The Patriots will have made all their trades and selections in the three-day NFL Draft.

A pretty good column follows; it's worth checking out.

John Havlicek, R.I.P.

As you get older, you see an increasing number of people you felt you knew, liked and were comfortable with pass on. Unfortunately, another one of those persons has passed away.

John Havlicek has died.

And there goes part of your youth if you grew up in New England watching the Celtics in the 1960s and ’70s.

Havlicek scored more points than any other Celtic in history. That’s right. More than Larry Bird or Paul Pierce. He was the connecting tissue between Celtic dynasties. His rookie year was Bob Cousy’s final season (1962-63), and he retired just months before Red Auerbach drafted Bird out of Indiana State (1978).

Worth reading in full.

Ask A Stupid Question

Shank does his third Bruins column of the 2018-2019 season, complete with an Animal House reference:

Major League Baseball requires that its managers engage in a full-blown press conference a few hours before every postseason game. At the 2016 World Series, this allowed me a chance to ask the stupidest question of my long career.

It was at Cleveland’s Progressive Field in the tense moments before the seventh game of the World Series between the Cleveland Indians and Chicago Cubs. It was a situation that required a really futile and stupid gesture.

When Indians manager Terry Francona took his place behind the microphone and breathed a deep sigh, I pounced.

“Would you say this is a must-win game?’’

Francona understood the lame attempt at humor and broke up laughing.

Read on for more lameness.

Spring Quiz Time - III!

Goin' way out on a limb here...

With the conclusion of yet another local team triple play this afternoon, try to guess which game Shank will write about:

A) The Boston Celtics sweep their opening round playoff series with a 110 - 106 win over the Indiana Pacers;

B) The Boston Bruins stay alive in their opening round playoff series with a Game 6 win over the Toronto Maple Leafs;

C) The Boston Red Sox sweep the weekend series with an 11th inning win over the Tampa Bay Rays, or

D) Shank doesn't write a column.

You know how I'm betting.

Spring Quiz Time - II!

For the few who did not pass the previous time, we're offering a chance for you to redeem yourselves in Shankology 101!

Last night, we had again three local Boston sports teams who were in action. Can you correctly guess which game Shank decided to write a column about?

A) The Boston Celtics won their third playoff game in a row, a 104 - 96 road victory over the Indiana Pacers;

B) The Boston Red Sox, on the road against the white-hot Tampa Bay Rays, finally saw the bats spring to life in a 6 - 4 win, or

C) The Boston Bruins lost to the Toronto Maple Leafs, 2 - 1 and are now one game away from playoff elimination.

If you guessed C), step up and claim your prize!

There’s always the notion that the Bruins will beat the Toronto Maple Leafs in the playoffs. The Bruins, after all, haven’t lost a playoff series to Toronto since 1959. The Leafs haven’t won any playoff series in 15 long years. And we all remember 2013 when the Bruins won Game 7 vs. Toronto despite trailing by three goals in the third period.

The Bruins will prevail. The Leafs will fall. Bank on it.

But now it feels a little shaky. There’s legitimate fear that maybe this time the Bruins are in danger. Suddenly, it’s possible that the local hockey season could be over by dinner time on Easter Sunday.

As I was watching this unfold last night; I had one primary thought - 'there's no way in hell Shank is going to be this predictable, is he?'

Never disappointing, always negative.

Fool's Gold

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. B’s, C’s, sucking Red Sox, Kraft. Dan’s Dates at 12:50. Radio gold

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) April 19, 2019

I caught the 'Dan's Dates' part of the show around that time - it was painful, like 'a tooth filling without novacaine' level painful.

Shank Still Doesn't Like Or Understand Science

First off, this is coming from a guy who's as lazy as the day is long, the daily grueling one mile run being just one example.

I have read the entire Mueller Report.
Ideal Gas Law confirms there was no collusion and no obstruction.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) April 18, 2019

And he gets to tweak the Patriots again - it's another two-fer!

Spring Quiz Time!

Last night there were three local teams in action. Let's see if you can correctly (guess - edit) which one Shank decided to write about:

A) The Boston Celtics won Game 2 of the first round playoff series, 99 - 91, over the Indiana Pacers;

B) The Boston Bruins won Game 4 of their first round series, 6 -4, over the Toronto Maple Leafs; and

C) The Boston Red Sox lost to the New York Yankees, 5 - 3.

If you guessed C), step up and claim your prize!

NEW YORK — The Red Sox stink. They lost to the Yankees, 5-3, Wednesday after Ryan Brasier surrendered a grand slam to Brett Gardner on an 0-and-2 pitch in the seventh inning. The Sox are 6-13 and a whopping 8½ games out of first place.

I grew up on Hub hardball gloom. I came of age as a baseball fan when the Red Sox annually finished eighth in a 10-team league and flirted with 100 losses. I learned talk radio at the right hand of Eddie Andelman, who perfected the sky-is-falling mind-set of Red Sox Nation.

I did a Sunday night TV show with Bob Lobel, who had a panic button on the set and kept saying, “Why can’t we get players like that?’’ every time an ex-Red Sox did something good for some other team. I wrote “The Curse of the Bambino,’’ my doctoral thesis on Red Sox negativity.

Continuing the negativity and seriously dating yourself multiple times? It's a two-fer!

The End Is Near

Shank asks the question which has been fairly obvious for a while.

Is this the end for for Dustin Pedroia?

Original column spotted at 10:45 PM - any further questions about Shank not having an editor?

NEW YORK — Are we nearing the end for Dustin Pedroia?

No one takes any pleasure in this prospect (except perhaps for Shank - ed). But there was a sense of doom and gloom when Pedroia was taken out of the lineup after flying to right field in the top of the second inning Wednesday night at Yankee Stadium.

This was the first game Pedroia started in the field since Friday at Fenway against the Orioles. His left knee has not come around the way the Sox hoped.

I love Pedroia as a player, and even more as a person who would take absolutely no shit from Shank.

Not Too Predictable

It's another loss by the Boston Red Sox, so imagine our collective surprise that Shank wrote a column about it.

NEW YORK — In a move that screamed “panic,” the Red Sox Tuesday gave up on catcher Blake Swihart and recalled Sandy Leon from Pawtucket.

“I told Sandy, ‘Don’t feel like you have to come here to be the savior,’ ’’ manager Alex Cora said before the Sox series opener with the Yankees. “It doesn’t work that way.’’

Amen.

Reunited with his binkie backstop, struggling Chris Sale returned to the mound and surrendered four runs on seven hits and a walk in five innings of an 8-0 skunking. Leon went hitless in three at-bats with two strikeouts and a throwing error (truly not his fault). Sale is 0-4 with an 8.50 ERA and the Red Sox are 6-12, the franchise’s worst 18-game start since Kevin Kennedy’s warriors went 3-15 in 1996.

I'm willing to bet Shank wrote a slew of columns shitting on that team at the same time back then.

Old Time Hockey, Eddie Shore

Thar she blows - Shank's first column on the 2018-2019 Boston Bruins!

Bruins channel their Big, Bad days in physical master class

There was great buzz in the arena and a sprinkling of good signage when the Bruins came out for warmups before Saturday’s Game 2 against the Toronto Maple Leafs. In a town that’s gone soft on its teams — rarely is heard a disouraging word about the sacred Pats, the smug Sox, or the ever-glass-half-full Green Team — Bruins fans have retained their edge, dignity, and demands.

There is no fooling these people. Put a bad product on the ice or show something less than 100 percent effort and they will come at you with pitchforks. The B’s fan dynamic is almost exactly what it was 40 years ago and this is a good thing.

The Bruins rewarded their fans with bone-crunching hits in a 4-1 victory Saturday night. It was the total opposite of Boston’s dead-ass, 4-1 loss in the series opener. Playing one of their best games of the season, the Bruins squared the series with 60 minutes of blood and thunder hockey.

The only real surprise here - this column was written after a win, not after a loss.

Consistency, By Dan Shaugnessy

On Thursday, Shank belts out an ill-timed tweet:

Another Red Sox starter looking like he’s making his final spring training start.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) April 12, 2019

...just before the Red Sox won, 7 - 6. Otherwise, no follow-up columns or tweets.

On Friday, the Red Sox won again, 6 - 4. There were no follow-up columns or tweets.

Today, the Red Sox lost, 9 - 5. You bet your ass he had something to say about it:

And all this vs. a team that is trying to lose. Clever of Sox to hold the starters back in spring training https://t.co/sKwoLH2MOE

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) April 13, 2019

What Do You Mean 'Now', Kemosabe?

One thing's for sure - Shank has never done 'disingenuous' very well.

Should we now be worried about the Red Sox?

At what point, precisely, are we allowed to wonder whether these Red Sox are OK?

You've been 'wonder'ing from Game 1, asshole...

We have made the excuses. The Sox have a World Series hangover. They had a rugged schedule the first 11 days. They were due for some reality, and Tuesday the Sox told us that Chris Sale had no fastball in Oakland because he was sick. The struggling Sox cannot possibly fall out of contention because everybody in the American League (besides the Astros and Yankees) stinks.

Pay no attention to this early slump, the Sox are going to be OK.

Swell.

But Tuesday’s home opener reopened the vault of suspicion and has us seriously wondering what is going on with the Local Nine. The Red Sox got their 2018 championship rings, celebrated amid an amazing/gaudy assemblage of hardware (10 championship trophies) and star power (Pedro Martinez, David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, and Rob Gronkowski in the same space?), then took the field and produced yet another stinkbomb, this one a 7-5 loss to the tanking Toronto Blue Jays.

Note the use of the royal 'we' and 'us', in a lame effort to take his fingerprints off yet another negative column. The problem, so far - the 2019 Red Sox haven't given him (or should I say 'us'?) to say otherwise.

My My, He's Full Of Shit

Either that, or Shank's turned in his best ever troll job:

The 108th Fenway Park Opening Day is Tuesday, and we have so many questions.

Will Dustin Pedroia make his 2019 debut and start at second base? Will Gronk throw out the ceremonial first pitch? Will Chris Sale crack 93 miles per hour on the gun? Will Jackie Bradley Jr. crawl over the Mendoza Line?

The Red Sox are in last place and have the worst run differential (minus-26) in all of baseball. Only four teams have made more errors, and Boston’s five-man pitching rotation (aggregate salary: $88 million) has an ERA of 9.13. Will any of the Red Sox get booed in the wake of the club’s abysmal 3-8 slog through Seattle, Oakland, and Phoenix?

“I don’t think anybody has ever gotten their World Series rings and gotten booed,’’ said David Price, a man who knows a thing or two about getting booed in Boston.

As one who traditionally sees the glass as half-full, I am here to tell you that there will be no boos before the game at Fenway Tuesday.

See what I mean?