Asking The Tough Questions

Not a difficult call, but when the New England Patriots lose two games in a row, it's all hands on deck to ask whether The End Is Near:

PITTSBURGH — Have we reached the expiration date on the Patriots dynasty?

We’ve wondered this before. And each time the Patriots have answered with another surge to a Super Bowl. That could still happen again between now and February. The weakened 2018 Patriots should be able to win their final two regular-season games (home layups with the Bills and Jets) and perhaps the Chiefs, Chargers, Texans, Ravens, Steelers, and Colts will all go south before the start of the NFL tournament. It’s possible that these Patriots could still secure a first-round bye, have their way in January, win a couple of games at Gillette, and mock their detractors on the way to Atlanta for Super Bowl LIII.

And speaking of 'detractors'...

...
But it doesn’t feel like another Patriots playoff surge is coming, does it? There comes a time when mystique and aura are nothing more than smoke and mirrors. There comes a time when being smarter is not enough, when waiting for the other guy to step on his own appendage will not guarantee victory. There comes a time when your own ability and execution are more important than all the good things that have happened before. There comes a time when you will not get the benefit of some strange rule that will be changed during the offseason. There come a time when assuming the other guy will lose his mind and hand you the game is more hope than reality.

So Miami and Pittsburgh weren't 'tomato cans' after all? Or is that going to be the theme for the next two weeks (with the upcoming Bills and Jets games)? It's almost confusing, unless you know that the 'tomato can' theory is complete bullshit and used just to get a rise out of Patriots fans.

You Were Saying?

Steerlers 1st and goal from 4. Come away with nothing. This is paint-by-numbers formula for losing to New England. Defeat by stupidity.
Wait for it.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 16, 2018

Wait for Shank to blister the Patriots with a column to the contrary any moment now...

Original Gameday Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Bet you've never heard this one before!

Pats lose toss. Steelers take the ball.
Playing right into Bill's hands.
When will they ever learn?
now watch Steelers go from 4 seed to 8 seed. In three hours.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) December 16, 2018

Return Of The Tomato Cans - Part Deux!

You just knew this was coming, didn't you?

PITTSBURGH — This is football country. It’s the home of Mean Joe Greene, the Steel Curtain, the Terrible Towel and the Immaculate Reception. It’s where thick-fingered fans belly up to the bar for a shot-and-a-beer after an overnight shift. It’s the birthplace of Johnny Unitas and Dan Marino. It’s where folks speak in reverent tones about the Rooney family, Chuck Noll, and six Super Bowl championships — more than any NFL franchise.

Swell.

So how in the name of Terry Bradshaw did quaint Olde New England become a football region capable of mocking the vaunted gridiron culture of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania?

Because of the five Super Bowl championships by the Patriots?

The Patriots are at Heinz Field on Sunday and no one in Greater Boston is worried about the outcome. The 2018 Steelers probably have more talent than this year’s Patriots. The Steelers are playing at home and have much on the line. The Steelers will have 68,000 black-and-gold clad fans making it difficult for Tom Brady to hear when the Patriots offense goes to work in the enclosed end of the stadium.

And none of it will matter. The Patriots will beat the Steelers because they always beat the Steelers. In this century, the gridiron glory and tradition belongs to Bill Belichick, Brady, and Patriot Nation. Pats fans laugh at the Steelers and make fun of them as if they are the Tampa Bay Rays or the Orlando Magic.

The One Where The Patriots Beat The Steelers Again

You want a real Shank / Patriots bandwagon column? Here you go:

PITTSBURGH — When, oh when, will they ever learn?

When it comes to Patriots-Steelers, the Patriots will always win. It doesn’t matter if the game appears to have gone the other way. It doesn’t matter if the Steelers are playing at home and seem to have scored a winning touchdown with only 34 seconds remaining.

In the end, the Patriots will come into Steeltown and they will cut the Steelers’ hearts right out of their puffed-up chests. And they will send Pittsburgh’s proud fans into pigskin therapy.

No Worries, Mate

Are you worried about Sunday's Patriots game at the Steelers? Fear not, intrepid reader - Shank's here to assuage your fears:

Patriots-Steelers. This is epic. It’s is a classic clash of football cultures.

The Patriots do things quietly. The Steelers are loud.

Bill Belichick and the Patriots pretend it’s just another game. Mike Tomlin and the Steelers go into Hype Overdrive.

But we know how it will unfold. After all the news and noise, the Patriots will go into Pittsburgh and cut the Steelers’ hearts out. Again.

No tomato cans this week, Shank?

Truth be told, he makes a solid argument - worth reading in full, and we don't say that very often around here.

The Revenge Tour Continues

If NFL commissioner Roger Goodell won't come to a Patriots game, the Patriots will come to see him.

FOXBOROUGH — History. And revenge.

The Patriots trumped the Pittsburgh Steelers, 36-17, in the AFC Championship game Sunday night to advance to Super Bowl LI against the Atlanta Falcons in Houston Feb. 5. New England becomes the first NFL franchise to make it to nine Super Bowls, and Bill Belichick and Tom Brady have a chance to become the first coach and quarterback to win five.

But this New England matchup with Matt Ryan and the Falcons is much more than a shot at ring records and grid immortality.

Above all else, it will be a showdown with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Piling On

Looks like we're not the only ones who noticed Shank's bashing of the NFL commissioner:

Patriots 20, Steelers (+5.5) 17. I can’t decide who I hate more between Roger Goodell and the Pats fans who get to indulge their inner Tough Guy complex because the commish ducked out of going to Foxboro this weekend. HE WON’T SHOW HIS FACKIN’ FACE HERE-AH BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE MESSED WITH THE WRAWNG CITY! It’s not like they would have shot the guy. Your average Pats fan would probably just boo him and then try to throw a beer at him but miss and hit a baby.

Discounting A Certain Game

Shank ignores tonight's Seahawks / Patriots game to hype...

Best NFL game of year unfolding now. Dallas at Pittsburgh

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2016

It is turning out to be a good game, but Shank continues his passive / aggressive approach as far as the Patriots are concerned.

Shank is 'Steel' Up for Hating the Pats

Around 11:30 p.m. last night the Patriots sealed the win in the opening game to the NFL's 2015-16 season, rising above all the sound and fury from last season's Deflategate debacle with a convincing win over the Steelers.

It took just a few more hours for The CHB to dive back into the mire.

"[G]et ready for another round of accusations from the haters," writes The CHB, following the Patriots' victory.

But who, exactly, are the haters?

Following the game, the Steelers complained about the headsets occasionally not working or getting crossed with other broadcasts. Well, the Patriots acknowledged the headsets weren't working. That's hating?

No, what feels more like hating is when The CHB writes:

"No fan base is more angry or defensive than the proud Patriot Legion ... "

or

"[W]inning is never enough for the Patriots and their fans. They need to grind their enemies into dust."

or

"Nothing has changed for many of us ... the Patriots quarterback was not 'exonerated.' "

or

"Why so many 'experts' (including ESPN) saying the weather could have deflated balls when ESPN says all 12 colt footballs tested ok? 

Who's the real hater?