Don't Bogaerts Our Joint

Are you scared yet?

You should be. At least that's what The CHB thinks.

"Where’s the panic" over the pending free agency and potential departure of Xander Bogaerts, he demands. "Where’s the outrage?"

Uh, we're Red Sox fans. Our boys are starting the current century much like we started the last one. They've won four World Series in 15 years, the same pace as in the 1900s, when they won four between 1903 and 1917. We have nothing to fear, except overwrought sports hacks.

So who cares if the Sox lost Jacoby Ellsbury, Jon Lester and Mo Vaughn to bigger deals in other towns? Ellsbury and Vaughn were busts. We could have used Lester, but would anyone today truly trade Lester for Sale?

And when Danny boy refers to Red Sox management as "smarter-than-everybody," the snark is meaningless. They are smarter than everybody. Or did the glow reflecting off the four World Series trophies induce momentary insanity in our resident critic?

No, "Nomar Garciaparra is not walking through that door." Ignoring, for the moment, that The CHB whined incessantly that Nomar was an untouchable fraud, let's just thank god Shank is, for once, correct. After all, Nomie is 45 and has been out of baseball since 2009.

But those who actually, you know, watch the games instead of the beer line have long since figured out that the Red Sox are the best organization in baseball. Hyperventilating over what could happen is no longer necessary.

Oh, and in case history repeats, the Red Sox were champs again in 1918. But I think The CHB already knows that.

DHL Dan - XXIX

Yes, that number does seem pretty low, doesn't it?

In any event, I started wondering if Shank and the Patriots being off this week was a coincidence. How did I misjudge Shank's dedication to his craft?

Picked-up pieces while wondering whether this is the year Cincinnati Bengals coach Marvin Lewis (0-6) finally wins a playoff game.

That would be no...

■ Lots of boo-hoo “why did they pick on Tom Brady and let Peyton Manning off the hook?” programming on the numerous 24-7 Patriot propaganda radio shows this week.

When a reporter (among many others) shows one standard for a quarterback accused of deflating footballs (hang 'em high!) and then readily admits bias in dismissing the more serious charges of HGH use by another quarterback, it's not 'boo-hooing'. It's calling into question a serious charge of media bias, a concept Shank should be quite familiar with.

■ I’m taking the Bengals, Chiefs, Seahawks, and Packers this weekend. But I’m the same guy who thought the Patriots would actually try, and therefore demolish, the Dolphins last weekend.

So take the Steelers, Texans, Vikings and the Redskins, everybody!

Larry Bird sighting? You betcha!

■ LeBron James just turned 31 (Dec. 30, same birthday as Sandy Koufax and Tiger Woods) and has already played more career minutes than Larry Bird or Magic Johnson.

■ Nomar Garciaparra got eight Hall of Fame votes out of 440. He’s officially off the ballot. Think of what could have been. This man hit .372 and .357 as a righthanded batter in the American League. One year, he knocked in 98 runs batting leadoff. He was on his way to Cooperstown.

"Hey, Nomar - remember when we were best buddies? Good times, man!

■ When Kevin Garnett came through town with the T-Wolves last month, there was a lot of buzz about KG getting his Celtics number (5) retired. Danny Ainge is among those who thinks this is a good idea.

We all know Garnett is the one who changed everything in 2007-08 when the Celtics won their 17th championship. Still, I’m a tad reluctant on this one. Garnett played only six seasons here.

The best case for KG is Dennis Johnson, who played only seven seasons in Boston but got his number retired with no debate. DJ won two championships with the Green but certainly never had the impact Garnett did.

KG was instrumental in the Celtics winning that championship - retire his number.

This blogger is with Shank on this one - shitting on Rick Pitino!

■ Ranting about coverage of sex parties at his basketball players’ dormitory, Louisville coach Rick Pitino acknowledged, “Did one person do some scurrilous things? I believe so . . . For the life of me, I can’t figure it out. He knew better and was taught better by his parents and me.’’ Pitino is on slippery ground on this one. He’s the same guy who admitted to police that he had sex with a woman (who later tried to extort him) in a Louisville restaurant in 2003.

In case you were wondering, Shank still hates numbers:

■ Just when you think the Cleveland Browns can’t be any dumber, they hire a baseball analytics guy to rescue the franchise. Paul DePodesta is the Harvard guy portrayed by Jonah Hill in “Moneyball.’’ Clevelanders are hoping his skill set translates to football. What are the football equivalents of WAR, OPS, UZR, and high-leverage innings?

One of the few times Shank gets to hype his alma mater:

■ Former Holy Cross basketball star Bob Kissane, who played in Europe many years ago, suggests the NBA consider a rule that would allow the fouled team to take the ball and restart the shot clock instead of automatically going to the free throw line.

Lame bands from fifty years ago? We got you covered!

■ Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Brian Wilson (his cousin Mike Love is Kevin Love’s uncle) had his own version of Alex Guerrero back in the day. The fellow’s name was Dr. Gene Landy. Look him up sometime.

And what column is truly complete without a little more Boston Globe bashing?

■ The one and only good thing to come out of the Globe’s home-delivery nightmare is the reinforcement that a lot of you folks still care about your printed hometown newspaper and still consider it part of your daily routine. Thank you. We will do better.

Dwindling circulation numbers and ad revenue coupled with increased prices and reduced content - it's a bargain!

Lynched

"In my view, every player has a right to remain silent. ... It’s not the guys who don’t talk that bother me."

So says The CHB today, maintaining a Lou Gehrig-like streak of consecutive columns of total BS.

Not every word of today's "effort" is false, of course. For instance, Shank writes, "Manny Ramirez exercised that right [to ignore the press] for long stretches and we didn’t think any less of him for it."

This is actually true. Shaughnessy hated Manny because he was 1) Hispanic, 2) paid $20 million a year, 3) beloved by fans no matter what he did, and 4) Hispanic. Whether he spoke with the press was moot.

He doesn't mention Nomar Garciaparra today (although he did yesterday) but Nomar would be another one. As The CHB wrote a few years ago, "What a fraud. Nobody hated the media more with less cause than our guy Nomie." Yep, Nomar didn't talk much to the media either. He was completely articulate about why, however, noting that while he recognized the press had a job to do, that making their job easy wasn't his job." But again, Nomar was 1) Hispanic, 2) paid $15 million a year, 3) beloved by fans no matter what he did, and 4) Hispanic.

This is the best part: Four grafs from the end of the column, this little bit gets thrown in, sans transitions or explanation as to its relevance: "Lynch is 5 feet 11 inches, weighs 215 pounds, grew up in Oakland and went to California. His mom’s name is Delisa Lynch and he has a brother named Davonte. A couple of his cousins played professional football. He played three-plus seasons with the Buffalo Bills and has been with Seattle since the 2010 season. He rushed for 1,257 yards this year and scored 14 touchdowns."

Thanks, Dan. Without you, I might never had known Marshawn's mother's name is Delisa. Delisa!

Back in Time

Oh my goodness. It's the ALCS, and against all odds the Red Sox are hosting, and what does The CHB want to rehash?

"Nomar Garciaparra ... who hated every minute of his final half-season with the John Henry Red Sox in 2004."

And here's what passes for analysis: "The Sox will need more than one hit if they want to sell authentic ALCS celebration champagne bottles before the World Series."

Thanks, Dan!

Short at Center

Today, Mr. Grumpy has in his sights Jacoby Ellsbury, calling him "greatest flight risk since Whitey Bulger."

Now, yes, it is just a tad extreme to compare a baseball player to the man who topped the FBI's Most Wanted list for years, and who is accused of murdering more than a dozen people. Then again, excrement extreme is what The CHB is known for.

But Shank's crystal ball tells him that the Red Sox are "not going to contend next year with him in center field." Never mind that Ellsbury was runnerup in the AL MVP race just last year. Clearly, he sucks.

The CHB insists the Sox "must trade" Ellsbury immediately, but in the next breath notes Ellsbury's apparent brittleness and lack of performance: "He’s not even Carl Crawford this season. Trade the dude." How are the Sox to get quality in return for this apparent sack of crap? The CHB never gets around to saying. Keep in mind, Shank was the one who insisted the Red Sox keep Kevin Youkilis, who is just as brittle as Ellsbury (not to mention older and less valuable), and for whom the Red Sox already had more-than-capable replacements, and whined like a two-year-old that they didn't get enough in return for him. But no matter. That was two months ago, and drinking does hamper the memory.
 
And The CHB cites Bill Ballou of the Worcester Telegram. Is that the same Bill Ballou who has repeatedly said Bill James has been right? The same Bill James The CHB routinely mocks?

Parting shots: "ESPN was here, Wednesday night, which meant sharing the press box, elevator and media bathroom with Nomar Garciaparra and Curt Schilling. That’s a lot of awkward for one night, don’t you think?" Only if you are, you know, a dick.

Remember Nomar? The CHB Doesn't

The CHB hates the Youkilis deal, saying he would have kept him in Boston no matter his attitude: "They got a bag of balls [for him]."

How things have changed. Was it really eight years ago where under almost identical circumstances he was insisting the Red Sox trade Nomar Garciaparra "(one of the best and most popular players in the history of the Red Sox franchise") because of  injuries and poor play? "Everybody's favorite Red Sox appears to have become a wildly unhappy ballplayer, struggling to return from an injury, resentful of the front office, and determined to walk at the end of the season."

The echoes are resounding. Heck, both players were even traded to the same city. You'd think someone who trades so much on history would, you know, remember some of it.

(At least this time, The CHB didn't falsely announce Youkilis had been traded to the Twins.)